Advice for a very unlucky friend who suffered a series of random assaults? (serious)
Posted by trunkspurplehair@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 14 comments
Say if you had a friend , young man in their 20s , and they informed you that over the space of 6 months they were attacked randomly and violently in the street 3 different times ? 2 in London and one on holiday.
They are queer and it is a given this makes them seem like more of an "easy-target" for those of a more bigoted mindset.
All times they were punched and suffered bruising across the face and neck , some mild aches and / some cuts to their lip / inside of cheek. they have never been to see a doctor abut any of this.
They started a police report for the first instance but dint continue as it was a small scale crime and they didn't want to do 2 years of police bureaucracy to get some kind of "justice"
Just thinking what effects this would have on a person ? Maybe psychologically as well as physically.
Chilled-Fridge@reddit
Saying "attract violence" isn't something to say lightly, but I think we have to acknowledge that some people do just become assholes when drunk, or even just subtly more confident to say cheeky things than usual. In such a volatile world politically, I try to stand out as little as possible when out drinking, not wearing outrageous things, knowing my limits and trying to be aware of saying anything that could even be slightly assumed to be rude when talking to other drunk people.
I have friends that have loose lips when they're drunk, but they're 6ft2 and muscular, no one in their right mind would start a fight with them even if they got offended, unless they are a similar build or obscenely drunk etc. I'm on the smaller side so for my own safety (and the fact I try to be police), I make sure to avoid any situations that could attract violence - if your friend is on the smaller side, maybe they should do the same.
bio4m@reddit
Is there something your friend is doing to make himself stand out ? I have a number of queer friends but none of them have been assaulted because of it by random strangers
Without knowing your friend it's hard to say what kind of mental impact it would have on him. Every person reacts differently to these sorts of things. Some people would be afraid to go out after the first incident let alone 3
cgknight1@reddit
Sound like rough trade to me...
DarthKrataa@reddit
Give your head a wobble
pixie-goblin@reddit
I was wondering the same thing.
Being attacked in public 3 times in different locations by different people is unusual and there has to be more to it regarding the actions of OPs mate.
TheShakyHandsMan@reddit
I’ve got straight friends who also seem to attract violence on a regular basis.
I also suspect this maybe a personality thing rather than gender/sexuality.
BillWilberforce@reddit
I was wondering if it was a kink.
Sea-Still5427@reddit
Kind of shocked by the comments using words like 'attract violence' and 'a personality thing'. Haven't we moved on from that kind of attitude?
Your friend is NOT responsible for other people's behaviour. There's still a lot of stigma and antagonism towards ANY of the protected characteristics (that's why they're protected by law), and it leaks out when people are in groups and drinking, for example.
How it affects MH will be different for everyone, but I think reporting it would help them feel like they're taking back some power over the situation.
If they can see a pattern in when and where the incidents happened, they could choose to avoid those or change how they deal with them. As a petite woman, I do that without thinking and add new situations to the list as they arise (like I no longer walk through Finsbury Park if there's an Arsenal match on after racist abuse - and I'm white, just got mistaken for eastern European - and I'm careful around bars and clubs at closing time as that's often a flashpoint).
WowzersTrousers0@reddit
You mean looking for more information so the problem can be solved?
No, we should never "move on" from trying to solve problems.
Sea-Still5427@reddit
Bit sanctimonious, but if that's what your intention, perhaps try 'looking for more information' about the context or the perpetrator before making the victim the 'problem'!
cgknight1@reddit
Em.. are they actually engaged in rough trade and had problems with punters?
Because to be randomly attacked three times in six months is fairly unlikely on the information you have provided.
LaughingAtSalads@reddit
Males aged 16-24 are most likely to be physically attacked by other males. It’s a statistical reality that applies across social identities. There are some variances by race (sadly, being black M in that age range is more risky than any other demographic) and by other criteria, but given that ‘being queer’ can range from mild effeminacy or a variation from a narrow masculine stereotype to having multicoloured hair, big jewellery, a lace top, & skin tight trousers with bovver boots, who knows what this fellow’s story is?
He needs to have enough self esteem to go to his GP, and to make reports to the police, for the sake of documentation. That’s a major step in healing girls and women also have to face. It’s not easy but it is necessary.
hunsnet457@reddit
As horrible as this is to say, this doesn’t seem random, this seems like something is happening to escalate this to violence.
I’ve had a few friends over the years that seem to be the targets of ‘random violence’ and it seems that way when explained from their perspective… Then i’ve watched them antagonise people over the most minor inconveniences, or escalate situations where any normal person would just move on.
I hate to be critical but why aren’t they seeking medical attention for an attack? Why aren’t they following this up with the police? As a queer person myself it’s pretty much common knowledge that we know the likelihood something will happen is low, but we report it anyway because we need to statistics to reflect reality…
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