How do I help my boyfriend with his car trouble blues?
Posted by dazlingchocolateEyes@reddit | askcarguys | View on Reddit | 7 comments
Hi guys!
So, I guess this is more of a different type of post and I’m not sure if this is even the right place.
Some background: My boyfriend (19M) has worked jobs like working on cars and he owns a couple project cars himself. He’s already kind of “given up” on car A, which he got a few years back. He often tells me a bunch of good times he had in that car and I know there’s emotional significance.
So, currently he has dived head first into a new project car he got. It’s a black mustang gt convertible 5sp with the 4.6l. I guess my question has nothing to do with the car but he often has emotional significance with his car and he comes across a lot of issues. Currently he’s been redoing the clutch and the transmission and has run into so many problems like bearings being stuck. I’m sure things y’all have struggled with. My question is, what is the proper way to comfort him? He almost gets sad and moody when his car is having issues and he’s constantly running in his mind with what he has to do next to fix it. I know that’s a part of doing this as a hobby/career, but I noticed it makes him more upset than not. What is the proper way to help him while he’s going through these struggles? I don’t have much money so I can’t offer to help pay for parts and I can’t even change a tire so I’m not helpful in that way either. I’m just at a lost. I want to help him but I can’t.
Cwilkes704@reddit
God I feel this post with my whole being.
My partner always lets me know she’s proud and believes in me. Also she visits me in the garage and will definitely intervene when she can see I need a sammich.
She lets me just talk through what I’m dealing with because it helps me understand what I need to do.
Just be supportive. Putting everything into a project car can bring out all of the emotions. Also when I feel like throwing a wrench, I generally say, this has nothing to do with you, but it might be best if you walked out for a bit, then I can pitch my temper tantrum.
mmmmmyee@reddit
If he has local car buddies that can help, find a way to get them to come and help get over this rut.
Source: dude who needs a transmission swapped and waiting for an opportune moment to get my buddies to come over and stand around doing nothing while i wrench. But also thesemoments are hard to find lol
Like encourage him to make a day out of it, real kicker js you’ll get the beer and pizza
fungalizer@reddit
I’ve been through the exact same thing with my cars. When you’re emotionally attached to a car, it can be hard to let go. For some guys, they enjoy the whole process. For me, it just got tiring always having to fix things and plan what I had to replace next week. Just being there for him and understanding that it’s affecting his emotional state is awesome and I’m sure he appreciates it. Honestly, as long as you’re not making snarky comments or trying to guilt him for working on it, you’re doing the best you can. It’s up to him to decide if the trade off is worth it. My solution was to save up more money, sell my project cars, and get a nice one. There’s only so much time in your life when you CAN have a shitty dysfunctional project car, and I’m glad I did it. My solution was to save up and buy a nicer version of my project car. You might bring this up to him in a gentle way.
sjm845@reddit
It's an addiction but its not crack or meth. Bring him a sandwich and a beer while he's wrenching. He'll be able to fix your car too.
abductee92@reddit
It sucks when you want something to go well and it doesn't, or when a problem you didn't expect pops up and costs money you didn't plan to spend. It sucks when you want to DIY a repair but lack the expertise or funds to do it correctly, then a cheap fix could make it even worse.
It can be tough to have such a deep hobby at that age. A lot of young people think they know more or can do more than they actually can do. Not saying he should give up on it, just keep expectations realistic. That is NOT how you should approach the conversation with him, just a frame of reference for you.
Give him time and space to work on his cars, within reason. Be open to hearing him complain or talk through a problem. Don't say or do anything to make him feel worse while he's frustrated or upset about struggling with an issue, suggest that he'll figure it out or get it fixed soon. Cheer him on a bit when something does go well.
beforethecrash@reddit
Sounds like he is a bit over his head with the work he has to do to complete his project. I've been there, and probably acted the same.
If you're asking for comforting advice, I'd recommend telling him that his capabilities are impressive. That's a big project, and if there's any way you can help, you would do it
I wouldn't say, oh I'm sure you have it handled, or you can do it. While, he probably can, it might feel like more pressure to get it done.
If he's borderline going crazy, it really never hurts to ask for help, but I'd approach that carefully.
I've worked in shops for a very long time, we all help eachother when stuck. Hopefully he has a friend who can lend a hand.
StopNowThink@reddit
Just listen to him vent. Hang out with him while he wrenches. Offer to grab him a cold one. "You need a different socket size let me know". Keep him optimistic with "where are you driving me when it's done?"