ULPT Methhead Neighbors
Posted by SilentGuffaw@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 43 comments
ULPT about 6 months ago, we had a family move in to the house in our neighborhood. In those 6 months, we have had a few things missing from our backyard. The first noticable thing was our wheel barrow. Then our small grill.
One of the new neighbors would walk up and down the street legitimately crying for her cat. A few times we've caught her shaking a bag of cat treats over our fence at one of our cats laying on the porch and she claimed it was hers. This cat has been here for years. We told her firmly that it isn't her cat and to never come over over fence again.
The last straw was today. We accidentally left our weed eater outside (ever since our things went missing, we have been more diligent in keeping everything locked up or in the house) low and behold, my roommate walked over to their house and the weed eater was in their backyard. He confronted the guy, the guy insists it was his, so he had to walk away.
At this point I'm looking for revenge. We are getting cameras. But I need more than that. I need a way to make these methheads never step foot in our backyard again. A scare tactic. Fear. I need help
Something_McGee@reddit
This might be dangerous, but find ways to ruin their high. (I say it could be dangerous bc paranoid and angry tweakers are the worst.)
I recently posted about how me and my daughter once scared off some drunk/high guys and a couple of methheads by using red and blue lights, and a portable speaker that blasted the sound of police sirens. All of the people that scattered were outdoors and did not live in the immediate area. So they fled from the area. However, this ULPT could still work for you even though your neighbors can just hide in their home.
I suggest enlisting a friend or partner for this task... When you're driving home at night, try flashing some blue and red lights into their windows. I'd use flashlights because you can easily click them on and off, move them around to better simulate police lights, and hide them under your seat or in one of your consoles if needed. Only do this for 10 seconds or less. Don't linger too long. You don't want them to know it's you. Every now and then, blast the sound of police sirens with the lights. Again, only for a brief moment.
You will be ruining your neighbors' high (or just general comfort) by inducing constant paranoia.
If they ever ask you about police sirens and/or lights, just respond, "IDK. My security cameras don't aim very far down the street. I think I might have heard something the other night. I thought I was just dreaming, though. I can ask my brother if something has been going on around here. He works for the DEA/local PD." (Take your pick on what law enforcement job you want your imaginary brother to work at.)
Follow up with, "He comes by to visit pretty often. He usually drives a white sedan. You might've seen him parked around here sometimes. I'll definitely ask him if he knows something the next time he drops by. Do you want me to see if he'd be willing to talk to you? He might need more details. Or I can just call you if I find something worth sharing."
This is to induce more paranoia. They might become fixated on any white sedan that might be parked in the area. They likely won't want you to bring attention to them or their house. Next time they see or hear police sirens, they won't be able to brush it off so easily. After all, you said you thought you heard them, too. This is also to discourage them from going near your property. (Security cam, brother in law enforcement, etc.)
Ideally, you want to score your neighbor's phone number. There are many more UPLTs that you can carry out with his number. Set up a free Google Voice account in case he wants your number, too. (You definitely don't want him to have your real number). Try to take a pic of his house. When he asks why you did that, explain that it'll make it easier for your brother to figure out what's going on... the sirens happened in front of his house, not yours.
Every now and then, have a friend stop by to play the role of your brother. Do this when you know those neighbors will likely see you. Stand at the end of your driveway, facing the neighbors' house, and carry on whatever conversation you want. It would be helpful if your friend wore tactical pants and a weighted running vest. (I managed to freak my old neighbors out with my running vest before. đ Some thought it looked like a vest for explosive devices; some thought I was chasing a criminal.)
While you guys are talking, have your friend start writing or doodling on a small notepad. Remember to mostly face the direction of the neighbors' house and to periodically look directly at it or their vehicle. Keep a serious or flat facial expression. Bonus points if you're friend can find a walkie-talkie to hang off his belt. It doesn't even have to be functional.
If you ever see one of the neighbors creeping on your property, just scream like they jumped scared you. Except take it up several notches. Get as close to them as possible and scream like you've just been tossed off a 15-story building.
If you ever talk to your neighbors, you should casually ask if they noticed any bugs in their home. Then tell them to be careful. Tell them you've been dealing with bed bugs or some kind of mites in your home. You have no idea where they came from. Maybe from the cat. The bugs make you itch. You can't feel them biting, but you can feel them crawling and the itch will set in within an hour after being bitten. It's a shitty cycle bc the bugs seem to be attracted to blood and warm, wet environments for breeding. If you scratch too hard and break the skin, the bugs will start to target you. (Maybe slap some band aids all over your exposed skin to make it more believable.)
Alternatively, you can just say you've been seeing a doctor about a demodex mite infestation; no treatment has been effective so far. (Look up what those are if you don't already know.)
Scatter some gold flakes around their yard. Or shiny pennies. Tweakers tend to get hyperfixated on little things.
Shaeos@reddit
Microwave glitter cannon?
Something_McGee@reddit
I looked that up and found nothing. Pls explain bc it sounds fun.
Shaeos@reddit
I am so sorry, I have no idea where my brain was, what I actually meant was a potato cannon full of micro glitter
yourilluminaryfriend@reddit
Could rig your microwave with a glitter cannon that goes off when opened
CleanProfessional678@reddit
Not yours, theirs. Rigging yours just means youâre cleaning up the craft herpes.Â
Something_McGee@reddit
𤣠I hate you!
I spent a whole 10 min trying to figure out what that was. I've been trying to find a way to get back at my parents for sending me a glitter bomb.
SilentGuffaw@reddit (OP)
Thank you, these are such great ideas
the_topiary@reddit
Imagine if doing all this Pavlovs them into getting clean
drumscrubby@reddit
Get Phone numbers from truepeoplesearch dot com.
Money_Ad1068@reddit
I've dealt with a tweaker squatter neighbor. They are easily triggered into a paranoia spiral.
I have a device called an alarm mine. You can hook it up to a trip line for your purposes. It fires off a blank 12ga shotgun shell (no danger, it just goes boom!).
Make an ominous-looking fake mystery device with "Property of XXXX Sheriff's Department" label on it. Toss a cheap vehicle tracker from Amazon onto their driveway. Make a label to put on it that identifies them somehow, their address number or last name, etc.
Craft a device that can be seen from their property but not accessed. Ideally not on your property. It should be a single, red led bulb (blinking or not) powered by a few AA batteries in a black plastic battery holder. Wrap with black tape to secure together. Should cost only a few dollars from Amazon. They will notice it and surely fixate on it.
I like the drone idea someone else mentioned. Mine has a police branded skin, red and blue flying lights and a spotlight for extra effect.
Rent a boring SUV or sedan with tinted windows for a few days and spend a lot of time observing from a safe nearby location like a detective would. Rent two vehicles if you can afford it and have a friend willing to help. If you're feeling salty, follow them from a distance when they drive away.
I will comment again if I think of anything else especially evil. Be safe!
livenature@reddit
Do they have security cameras?
SilentGuffaw@reddit (OP)
They don't. But they do have five bourbon barrels that they got this week
Money_Ad1068@reddit
Bourbon barrels full of meth-making chemicals?
New_Wallaby_7736@reddit
Wasnât there a special story about some very expensive whiskey that was stolen by the barrels ? Still looking for some of it if I remember correctly
Immediate_Pea4579@reddit
can't believe that no one has gone for the obvious - meth heads are paranoid - that is the whole key - you could put a cardboard cut out in your window and freak them out, but honestly, you might be better off pretending to be friends and asking if they have SEEN the undercover cops staking out the neighborhood. ( also nothing is more fun than playing 'what was that sound?' with meth heads. please use this when you are asking them about the cop vans ... just be sure and look around quickly and erractically - this will instill confidence in them that you are indeed on to something ...)
SusanBHa@reddit
Are they renting? If so contact the landlord.
SilentGuffaw@reddit (OP)
Upon researching, the landlord is a slum who has many citation and what not from the city from his other properties. I emailed him but I don't expect much back
SusanBHa@reddit
When we had a slumlord on our street I looked up every property he had, went and looked at them and then called in every code violation he had.
SilentGuffaw@reddit (OP)
Hell yeah that's what I'm talking about
Inner-Confidence99@reddit
Do you not write down the serial numbers of your equipment? I live in a rural area now but grew up in the city. I was taught early for any type of tool you write the serial number down and type of item. If you had this you could get property back. I have in the past, had a neighbor stealing from me. Called cops gave them serial numbers they filed a report and went to check out item on neighbors property. Serial numbers matched. They went to jail, property went to impound until court. 2 months later I got my stuff back after court. They went to jail for a year and had to pay restitution and my lawyer and court costs.Â
SilentGuffaw@reddit (OP)
That doesn't work with the cops who patrol my area
Madder_Than_Diogenes@reddit
Make their life harder to live:
Tell your community about these criminals.
Give out restaurant/ bar vouchers to your local law enforcement and let them know also.
Document everything they do against you in a fresh notebook. No emotions, just facts, as it'll be helpful for legal proceedings later.
Instal sensor activated floodlights outside your house.
Instal good quality cameras. You want to unequivocally know it's them on the footage.
Junkies will always stuff up and if you're in a position to have those incidents captured then you're golden. It's only a matter of time.
psilocydonia@reddit
Buy a used beater weed eater or leaf blower, whatever.
Removed the spark plug and pipette in some nitroglycerin. Reinstall spark plug. Leave the equipment out and wait.
Making the nitroglycerin will be a bit of a chore, but the directions are out there and the reagents all available over the counter. Just donât get any on your skin or youâre in for a WICKED headache:
Powerful_Section_227@reddit
What state is this in?
SilentGuffaw@reddit (OP)
Kentucky
FormidableMistress@reddit
I'm not sure about Kentucky, but in Florida you can go to the county clerks website and look people up. See if they have any active warrants.
Powerful_Section_227@reddit
Understanding Booby Traps: Uses in War and Property Defense https://share.google/5kvcMSv5I626F6JH5
nojustnoperightonout@reddit
Ooh boy, a new watchlist to get on!
jdthejerk@reddit
My home.
I have slingshots of different sizes and hidden places in the yard where I can launch unseen. I can arc an egg over 75 yards and bring them almost straight down.
Powerful_Section_227@reddit
I mean there are a myriad of ways you can get a dog you can set up booby traps or if they step foot on your property again you can shove a shotgun in their face and hope it sends the message home to them.
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Fly drones over their house at all hours. Take Japanese beetle traps and empty the contents on their yard. Have the police drive by real slow Figure out ingredients to make meth and leave the empty bottles in their yard.
Something_McGee@reddit
There's always the classic change your Wifi name. Most people recommend, "FBI van" or sth along those lines. I suggest sth not as obvious, but still concerning. I'll have to think of a good one. If anyone else knows a clever one, pls share.
akillerofjoy@reddit
Youâre right, âFBI Vanâ is way too fake. Which is why, when I lived in a sketchy neighborhood, my wifi was called âSurveillance Van 4â.
Something_McGee@reddit
[street name]_dea
Adventurous-Hat-3245@reddit
Go save a couple of pit bulls from your local shelter. Put air tags on your property. If you are capable leave things out on purpose and hide, when they appear, put them in the hospital. Donât talk to the police though. They wonât do anything.
Something_McGee@reddit
This might end up in the dogs being euthanized. I worked at a few medical facilities where we required to report dog bites and attacks.
ScamLikely336@reddit
Get an electric engraver.
Particular-Light-391@reddit
This or a razor blade knife to engrave on the plastic bits. Take pictures of the engraving. Use as evidence for theft when police search for lost items.
distributingthefutur@reddit
Find out what a felony amount of theft is in your locale. Buy a used phone / laptop that costs at least that much new. Put an airtag in it. Let them steal it from your porch. Wait until the worst possible time for them to have a police raid. Call the police and tell them your property was on your porch when you were working outside. You went inside for a minute and it was snatched. Location tracks to your neighbor. They will instruct you to not make contact and will want to file a report. Say you're going to beat on the door and demand your property regardless of what they say. They'll be there in 10min. Show them the location and pictures with the model number / serial number of the device (add a label or customize if needed to conclusively identify). If asked value, say new price of property was blank, but you don't know current value. They will use the original list price. They will enter to get your laptop. They may not give someone a felony, but they are likely to see a variety of crimes they can charge with. Don't forget to mention your weed eater and anything else missing. Repeat as needed.
NationalGeometric@reddit
I read this as metalhead neighbors.
wetblanket68iou1@reddit
Start storing broken stuff outdoors attached with fishing line to a Rube Goldberg machine that eventually drops a giant rock from the roof.
Something_McGee@reddit