my dad always knows when i do stuff im not supposed to can someone tell me why?
Posted by Lily_294212@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 77 comments
hi im 13 and i dont really know if this is the right place to ask but im kinda confused and its been on my mind a lot
my dad always knows when i do things i shouldnt. like every single time. if i stay on my phone past bedtime he’ll say something about it the next morning. even if im really quiet under the covers with the sound down he just says i need to stop staying up so late. i dont know how he finds out
another time i moved my chair so i could sit by the window to draw. later that night he came in and told me to put the chair back where it belongs. i never told him i moved it and my door was shut the whole time
when i was doing homework i opened youtube for a few minutes and while i was watching something he called from downstairs get off the videos and finish your work. i didnt even have the sound up high and i had headphones in. i dont get how he knew
he always says stuff like i saw you sneaking that or i see when you dont listen. but he couldnt have seen me. its like he just knows somehow.
one night i was changing into pajamas and a few seconds later my dad knocked on the door and said dont leave your clothes on the floor. i hadnt even dropped them yet
its not like hes mean about it but it makes me feel like i cant do anything without him finding out. even small stuff. i dont know if this is normal and parents are just really good at noticing things or if theres another reason. does anyone know how he could always tell
72dk72@reddit
Just be glad you are not my daughter as my 13 year old son has the family link app on his phone so at bedtime his phone is automatically locked. And during the school day only phone and text message is available to him for emergencies. But as others have said we know.. that's the job of parents to know!
Lorelei7772@reddit
Oh my goodness can you train all the other parents to do this? It would make teaching so much easier!
72dk72@reddit
The school doeant allow mobile use during the school day either. Phones have to be turned off or handed in. So this removes his temptation to "break the rules"
Lorelei7772@reddit
Lots of schools have those rules, ours insists on hand ins at the front door, but you wouldn't believe the number of parents who practically order their kids to break the rules. One of my new year 7s was bought the latest iPhone for their birthday just before school started and mum said she couldn't hand it in because it costs too much. She clearly wanted to make a good impression on her new teachers, so was very nervous when telling us this. Lots of other kids getting told off by mum and dad if they ignore texts during lessons.
72dk72@reddit
I agree the problem is as much parents as children! When you get parents telling their children they will be taken out of school if they don't behave, what do you think the children do? My reaction is the opposite if how don't behave I'll send you to boarding school where you will have lessons on Saturdays as well!
Lorelei7772@reddit
😂
Sea-Still5427@reddit
Now I'm old (60), teenagers are as hilariously transparent as toddlers. Don't worry, you'll enjoy it yourself one day.
That said, for online stuff he probably has an app he hasn't told you about that monitors your use of WiFi and possibly your phone as well.
Also, your early morning face will tell him at a glance if you had a late night.
SnooGoats1557@reddit
I think it’s more than that. He knew that she moved a chair in her room. He knew she was in the process of getting changed. How would he know that unless he could see her. I would bet money on him having a hidden camera in her room. If he does that is not a joke. She is 13 and he is a grown man spying on her.
Sea-Still5427@reddit
Could just be hearing her moving about?
SnooGoats1557@reddit
But how would be know that op was moving a chair. It just all sounds very specific. If I was I op shoes I would check for a camera just to be safe.
Putting a hidden camera in a room where a teenager is getting changed is a crime. They have a reasonable expectation of privacy in that room and that is being violated.
Sea-Still5427@reddit
I know when my next door neighbours open a kitchen cupboard, boil a kettle, close the bathroom door or get into bed, and that's a separate house. If you know your own house you can normally hear who is where upstairs, especially if it involves moving furniture.
You need to be very sure before you accuse someone of a crime like that.
SnooGoats1557@reddit
I’m not saying op should call the police. Just check the room. If I was living in a house where someone seemed to know every move I was making then I would check just for my piece of mind.
Sea-Still5427@reddit
Do you smoke weed, by any chance?
SnooGoats1557@reddit
I grew up with overbearing parents so I know what it’s like to be monitored 24/7 and the lengths some parents will go to in order to track of their kids.
Do a quick google search for parents put hidden camera in kids bedroom and you will see that this is not that unusual and that it’s something some parents actually do.
I’m glad you grew up in a world where your parents respected your privacy but many of us are not that lucky.
Sea-Still5427@reddit
No privacy as when I was that age we shared bedrooms, even when we moved out and rented. I just think you need to be careful about jumping to extreme conclusions when there are plenty of other, more practical explanations.
rev-fr-john@reddit
This exactly this, sometimes we just guess and your eyes give you away.
18-SpicyNuggies@reddit
Parents intuition is one thing... but this sounds more like he's got cameras in the house...
HairyRazzmatazz3540@reddit
Definitely sounds like camera's, probably has tracking software on your phone.
Look on YouTube how to detect hidden cameras. If you find them take photos and go to the police. Ain't right at all.
BigDaddySpez@reddit
He's 13. His dad cares. You're a lunatic.
SnooGoats1557@reddit
You do know it’s a crime to put a hidden camera in a room where someone is getting undressed. Even if that person is a child.
In a place where someone is undressing they have a reasonable expectation of privacy placing a hidden camera in that room breaks that and is a crime.
Also teenagers do other things in their room. I’m sure you would be perfectly comfortable masturbating in front of your parents.
BigDaddySpez@reddit
Although I wouldn't personally. It's not a crime. Youre a kid so don't try educate me. There is an assumption of a hidden camera but as most have stated and as a father who doesn't have hidden cams nor needs them. I know what my kids are doing. I was them once and I'm on this earth to protect and nurture them to be better than I was.
SnooGoats1557@reddit
Under uk law it is illegal to use covert cameras in areas where individuals would have an expectation of privacy, such as bathrooms, changing rooms and locker rooms. A bedroom would fall under that category as it is somewhere people get changed and expect privacy.
So yes it is a crime.
If the camera was not hidden it wouldn’t be illegal but hiding it makes it a crime.
Also there are plenty of cases where parents have put hidden trackers on their kids and cameras in their rooms. So it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that a parent would do this.
bigarsebiscuit@reddit
Wut
HairyRazzmatazz3540@reddit
Cos obviously no one thinks it's pervy that he's watching his daughter change and be naked on camera.
AcreCryPious@reddit
Fucking hell, get off the internet and go outside. Where the fuck did this come from?
hiperdino-@reddit
You're making a very big assumption.
funeralball@reddit
Ngl - just ask him. Just say "Dad, how do you always know what I'm doing?". Next time you're changing and you haven't dropped your clothes just be like "how do you always know?"
Maybe talk to him, if you are staying up late on your phone or to draw, is there a reason? Are you struggling to sleep? Is something on your mind? I don't think you should ever be afraid to talk to your parents - they aren't there to be your friends, but a health relationship is better than a kid being scared to even move because they think their dad knows.
avspuk@reddit
If your net use is being monitored (which seems likely) & you posted from your phone your dad will know of this discourse. So he may stop exposing his use of such practice
But I've a message for him
If you've cameras in your 13 yo's bedroom then take them out, permanently. It's well fucking creepy, abusive & possibly illegal.
The net/router surveillance is fair enough imo
BigDaddySpez@reddit
That's not how it works. His dad cares. Nothing creepy about that.
avspuk@reddit
Firstly "username checks out"
Secondly, are you sure OP is male?
Ceethly, our mileages vary. What safety concern can only be addressed by cameras in a teens bedroom?
Fwiw from the account given I don't think it is in anyway clear that there are cameras (it's just a possibility others raised), tho the net use monitoring does seem likely imo
BigDaddySpez@reddit
"username checks out". It's based on a meme from one of reddit creators who sold out and is one of many throwaway accs as 15 years in signals and then IT security taught me something. Shows our age difference by far lol. I was on reddit before you were born I bet.
avspuk@reddit
I know who spez is. I want to see Huffman & others at Reddit hq face RICO charges for aiding Wall St by suppressing the spread of info about the detailed workings of its self-regulatory regime.
But whatever
SnooGoats1557@reddit
It sounds like he has a hidden camera in your room. The fact that he knows things like when you are getting change and that you moved a chair suggests he can see you.
Check your room throughly. Check anything he has given you. Pens, stuffed toys, picture frames. Remember cameras can be tiny.
Turn off all the lights in your room and use a torch to look for any reflections.
Use a wifi scanner to check for any devices you don’t recognise.
There are also apps that help you find infrared.
If you find the camera do not touch it. Talk to an adult you trust about what is going on. Preferably a teacher at school. You are 13 and if a grown man is using a hidden camera to watch you get changed and spy on you, that is not normal and is a major violation of your privacy.
BigDaddySpez@reddit
Grown man? It's his dad. A man who is more than likely sacrificing his time to benefit the child.
SnooGoats1557@reddit
They are a grown man. It is weird for an adult to spy on a teenager with a camera. Teenagers do things in their bedroom. Would you be comfortable with your father watching you shower, get changed, masturbate.
Teenagers have a right to privacy. Just because he is the parent doesn’t give him the right to violate that privacy in the most intrusive way. Also what he is doing could be considered a crime since he has likely placed a HIDDEN camera in a room where a teenager is undressing and therefore has the expectation of privacy.
BigDaddySpez@reddit
Ok kid
Glittering_Copy8907@reddit
We were your age once. We've lived your life, I'm afraid, which means we know most of the tricks.
iszag@reddit
Exactly this…. My son still hasn’t understood that I was young once and did stupid stuff. We know so behave yourself…
Lily_294212@reddit (OP)
i mean i guess but its really annoying because i cant do anything fun
DaveBeBad@reddit
Our job as parents is to stop the kids making the mistakes we did.
Your job as kids is to find new mistakes to make.
Ok_Home_4078@reddit
Honestly, tell him what you are doing and discuss whether you can do it. If you act grown up, you get respect and get to do more things. If you sneak around doing things, it’s more the sneaking around that people don’t like above the actual thing you are doing.
Spicymargx@reddit
Yon can absolutely have fun in life without hiding things from your parents.
mick_jones2@reddit
your phone has some sort of parenta control in it or he is monitoring the internet usage from the router. both legitimate means as you are only 13
Lily_294212@reddit (OP)
wait what how do i get rid of that
CheesyLala@reddit
Get off the WiFi and use your mobile data.
thetechguyv@reddit
Assuming he pays for the account that won't necessarily help.
Lorelei7772@reddit
Parents are supposed to monitor your internet usage. I'm a bit more concerned about how he is seeing into your bedroom (the examples are all from your bedroom right?) . The internet is an incredibly dangerous place where they need to watch you, and vet the people speaking to you, but your bedroom is not a dangerous place. I also understand how this is making you feel like you're under a microscope. I would try talking to him about it and mention these examples. Tell him you feel like you're not being trusted and ask how is seeing things behind closed doors. A teenager can get into a lot of trouble online (I'm a teacher and have seen nice kids get into bad trouble online) but teenagers definitely deserve privacy behind their doors.
LemmysCodPiece@reddit
You can't, realistically. I can control my WiFi through an app on my phone. It will show me the real time data usage of any device on the network. So it doesn't take a genius to work out if you are streaming video or not. I have a button setup so if my daughter gives me any lip or push back, her world goes dark.
If I look on my PC I can see what website or service was last used by which device. So if your phone is using a lot of data and the last service your phone requested was Youtube or Netflix, again it doesn't take a genius.
Now I am a fairly liberal guy, it takes a lot to shock me or piss me off. So I am happy to let my 15 year old have unrestricted internet access. If she steps out of line, that situation can end.
mick_jones2@reddit
you could also have a surveilance camera in your room.
tell him you dont need it and hope for the best
UnacceptableUse@reddit
*show him you don't need it and he can trust you
tilt@reddit
if it's just times of usage it can be monitored remotely from the router, and that's a good thing because it's less invasive (but you can't remove it).
evenstevens280@reddit
Teenagers think they're subtle.
They're super not.
SnoopyMcDogged@reddit
My 9 year old when she thinks she’s being stealthy staying up, I’m figuratively sitting under where your bed is and can hear your damn drawers sliding in and out!
LemmysCodPiece@reddit
My 15 year old through the door the other day, she had been out with her mates. I looked up and said "you've been drinking." She still doesn't know how I knew. She wasn't really drunk and I wasn't that bothered. When I was 15 I used to come home rendered.
0southpaw0@reddit
Now I’ve never had cameras in my kids bedrooms - they’re adults now still living at home and I can still catch them out! It’s actually quickly eerie at times. It’s the tiniest of things that trigger the feeling/6th sense of knowing what your kid is up to, it can be the slightest creak in the floor boards where you go to stand to get changed or how you move in general, your mood, how tired you may look before going to bed, your sense of humour, what you talk about - so many little things and we can sense and pick up on it and often put 2 and 2 together and get 4. I did occasionally let my kids think they’d got one over me so their routine didn’t change too much and I’d still notice. Also being your age once helps
One thing I will say is even at 13 you may think you’re being discreet, you’re almost certainly aren’t!
ChillCommissar@reddit
He's your Dad, he'll know all the little things you do that you dont even notice you're doing, he'll also notice when you're actually sleeping and when you aren't, a Dad who does this kind of stuff is one that cares.
You'll miss it when he's gone bud, sometimes pare ts do know best even though it doesn't feel like it.
LemmysCodPiece@reddit
I can see what devices in my house is doing on the internet just by looking at an app on my phone. If I check on my PC I can see what website you are using.
When I am sat in the kitchen I can hear that my daughter is doing something in her room from the thuds coming through the ceiling.
I was also 15 once.
lechatestsurlatable@reddit
Everyone has the internet aspects covered, but -
My mom cat sits when I'm out of town. I can always tell the little weird things she has done in my house, and the last one was that she moved a lamp in my family room by no more than one inch. Those things just are noticeable to some folks.
rev-fr-john@reddit
My mum used to get up to all sorts of random shit, throughout her life as it transpires, but when she was young she'd do whatever, local people would tell her mum, her mum would just write everything down, when her dad returned home from sea(merchant navy) her mum would give her dad the note book, he'd read it but say nothing, then after supper he'd stand in front of the mantelpiece with a statue of the virgin Mary on it and pretend to convers with the virgin Mary about my mums shenanigans, he'd then tell her off for everything she did......
Unfortunately and somewhat predictably she grew up believing in god et al and truly embraced Catholicism genuinely believing evey wrong doing would be met with gos wrath, when my dad finally fucked off with another woman she completely lost all faith and went even more peculiar.
While a liked the idea and wanted to pull the same stunt on my kids i decided against it because it's just too fucked up, so I used a poster of che Guevara instead, they thought he was my dad or something until they could read, at which my my own shenanigans were laid bare by my 6 year old daughter with the line "he's so not your dad because he died before you were born! Letting kids believing something that's not true is like lying, you're the worst father in the history of worst fathers"
But in your case your dad has adopted technology and despite what you think, you are predictable and easy to read.
BigDaddySpez@reddit
Stop drinking xx
Kiss_It_Goodbyeee@reddit
No one talks about it, but when you have a baby you get special dad training at age 2, 5 and 10.
mushybees83@reddit
My 10 year old and his friend were drawing on the pavement with chalk last week (not my idea) and he came in for dinner. The first thing I did was ask if he'd drawn willies on the pavement to which he replied in the affirmative. I sent him straight back out with a stiff brush and a bucket of water.
My wife thought it was magic but I explained I was a 10 year old kid with unsupervised access to chalks once.
grafeisen203@reddit
1) You're not as quiet as you think you are.
2) You're not as good at lying as you think you are, either.
It's nothing personal, but as a rule, teenagers overestimate their ability to get away with stuff xD
Pircster38@reddit
Parents have a 6th sense plus they did these things too when they were a child and their parents knew too.
TrifectaOfSquish@reddit
It's one of the special powers you get when you become a parent
Mail-Malone@reddit
Simply because he’s been there, done that, got the T-shirt and the hat.
Ok_Chipmunk_7066@reddit
My 8 year old thinking he's sneaky watching YouTube under the covers. On full fucking volume with big can headphones. Could be youre 13 and not a clever as you think you are.
Could be simple parental controls in devices set to notify them.
Also 8 year old, crab walking sideways carrying a pot of ice cream he pilfered from freezer...
SonOfGreebo@reddit
Hm, almost sounds like he has a camera in your room.
Try doing something innocent, but weird. Like.... lie flat on the floor and stare at the ceiling for 15 mins (time it). Don't do anything else while you're lying there. Just stare up. If/when he asks about it, tell him "I was practising being mindful".
But now you will know there's a camera.
HuskerDude247@reddit
This has got to be a troll post.
Think-Committee-4394@reddit
OP - it’s all these things
Your face & walk & eyes & speech pattern
The years of knowing you 😆
Practical_Scar4374@reddit
Yep. Dad said to me once when I asked he said "I've been taking care of you for 14 years. I know you better than yourself".
It's true I know exactly when my 2 kids are not "right" and something is up. I also know that if I ask them to do something they ain't gunna do it.
We're not out to "get you" Just to make sure you're safe, happy and content oh and have a tidy room and get good sleep.
AdPale1469@reddit
you got any clocks in your room?
weeble182@reddit
Sounds like a combination of you not being as sneaky as you think you're being, and him having parental controls on your devices. Which is absolutely legal as you are only 13.
Final-Mistake-604@reddit
He might be monitoring you! Mix of nanny cam and spyware. Sounds extreme but, if it was available to my mother back in the day she would've 100% spied on me
Lily_294212@reddit (OP)
nooooooooooooooo how do i get rid of ittttttt
Final-Mistake-604@reddit
Disconnect from any shared accounts, browse incognito, use a VPN. You'd have to physically search for cams in your room but there are lots of tips online to do so (just browse incognito so your dad doesn't catch on)
Alert-Performance199@reddit
Dad's know.
You'll know too when you're his age.