ULPT: How to get rid of a kayak with a hole in it?

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AggressiveKing8314@reddit

Fix it. I know everyone just buys new but you could maybe fix it. How bad is it?

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Stormin_333@reddit

Bonfire! To make it extra unethical invite kids to stand in the smoke and roast marchmellows

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BoredOfReposts@reddit

Go the hardware store, buy a reciprocating saw and some blades for it. Buy some trash bags as well. Save your receipt somewhere.

Cut up the yak into little pieces that will fit in your regular trash. Put them in the trash bags so they are ready to go. It may take a few cycles, but eventually you will get rid of it all. You can also sneak some into your neighbors bins if they have room.

After you have fully cut up the kayak, go back to the hardware store and return the saw, and the blades (this is the unethical part). If they ask any questions, tell them it didnt work and you want your money back. Even though it will be covered in shredded plastic, insist it didn’t do the job, make up some story if you need to. They wont be able to sell it as new of course, but doesn’t matter (for us) since you can still return it and get a full refund.

Now you are just out the cost of the trash bags, but thats pretty minimal.

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Stormin_333@reddit

Then return to the store and buy it cheap from the open items table.

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bykerg@reddit

I would avoid using the trash bags to save the dimes

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BoredOfReposts@reddit

The bags are cheaper than the fees i get for loose unbagged trash. Probably not the case for everyone though you’re right

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CameFast@reddit

Put a body from your freezer in it and let it flow through the river.

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

I don’t want to waste a body tho

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CameFast@reddit

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Dont-PM-me-nudes@reddit

I would say light a fire in it, but then again, as the saying goes, "you can't have your kayak and heat it too."

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

I’ve heard that one

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Kooky-Glass4409@reddit

Put it in a sleeping bag. Put it on a park bench.

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bkn95@reddit

put it by the road with “for sale” sign on it

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bsischo@reddit

Use any standard saw, cut it up and put it in a dumpster.

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Responsible-Cow5828@reddit

Just like bodies. Cut them up and put a little chunk at a time in your garbage.

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

Ahhh okay. Now I know exactly how to deal with this!

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Miserable_Smoke@reddit

Just so you know, if you cut your food into smaller pieces, you'll stop choking all the time. This idea has so many applications!

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

I’m in a liquid diet…

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ftmikey_d@reddit

Never a better use for a sawzall!

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CptnHnryAvry@reddit

Sorry, I'm using it for catalytic converters. You can saw up the kayak tomorrow.

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ftmikey_d@reddit

You better charge the damn battery this time man!

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CptnHnryAvry@reddit

When are you going to stop holding that over my head? I only forgot 7 times!

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texasradioandthebigb@reddit

Please tell me more about disposing of bodies. Asking for a friend

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Responsible-Cow5828@reddit

Nice try FBI.

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texasradioandthebigb@reddit

TotallyNotGMan

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No-Procedure5991@reddit

[1] anonymously report a body in a location. After the police dig there and use their ground penetrating radar. They won't look there again.

[2] Go back to that spot and bury the body.

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texasradioandthebigb@reddit

Where might such a location be?

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AcuteMtnSalsa@reddit

And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up kayak will look like curry to a xxxxxxx. You gotta shave the heads of your kayak, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through plastic like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a kayak that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked kayak flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

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jongscx@reddit

No, you want to spread them out into different bins in the city, so they make a smiley face on the map.

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nb6635@reddit

Or a frowny face if you are truly Unethical.

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pennhead@reddit

Raffle it off. When the winner comes to pick it up and sees the hole, refund his raffle ticket price. Profit. But… you still have it, so raffle it off again.

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stupidpiediver@reddit

Put it on marketplace for $50

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correctingStupid@reddit

Craigslist free with pickup.

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BourbonSucks@reddit

itll go faster if you craigslist it for $100 "honor system" and put it by the road

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googlybunghole@reddit

I never, ever list anything for free on CL or Marketplace. Learned that lesson after I posted a crappy little 32" LCD TV and got 50+ emails. Now if I'm really trying to give something away, I'll list it for cheap and tell whoever shows up they can just have it.

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Q-burt@reddit

Find a local pond. Set it adrift. Let it sink. Walk away.

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mcfiddlestien@reddit

When I was a kid I stole a canoe from a place that rented them down the street. About a week goes by and I start to get paranoid that I'm gonna get busted with my stolen canoe, so I took the shovel I use as a paddle (the paddles were locked up when I stole the canoe so I just used a shovel lol) and smashed a couple holes in the bottom, filled it with rocks, pushed it out on the river and watched it sink. The next summer the town was cleaning out blockage at a bridge and pulled it out of the water.

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NoogaShooter@reddit

Go to the nearest body of water, put it in, sit on it. The rest will take care of itself

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Best-Structure62@reddit

Be creative, turn it into a raised flower bed

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Cutecumber_Roll@reddit

Not unethical but you can just patch it with a heat gun and some scrap plastic. (Or give it away to someone on craigslist who can patch it with a heat gun and some scrap plastic)

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ekco_cypher@reddit

Put a for sale sign on it for $50. Then someone will steal it. Got rid of a lot of junk that way

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natziel@reddit

Bring it to Costco and say you want to return it

If they don't let you, just leave it there

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Bratchan@reddit

Facebook marketplace. Sell it for $50 with hole in it. Make sure you disclose has a hole in it and say should be patchable and take a picture of the hole to. When someone low balls you be like.. Well I guess i can do it for thta amount.. bam you got paid for someone to take it.

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ryanpn@reddit

Too ethical, where do I put the piss disc?

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StevieG-2021@reddit

Piss in the hole. Duh 🤦🏻‍♂️

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mephist094@reddit

Piss stick then?

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Bratchan@reddit

Shit your right.. um... Hm.. maybe on the seat so it soaks in.. demands on the type of kayak.

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massassi@reddit

Put it up for sale $50. When someone offers you less, except the offer.

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66NickS@reddit

Whatever you do, don’t put a sock over it. If someone tries to steal it you don’t want them to get just the sock instead.

Cut a big hole in the bottom of it, add some suspenders/life vest or a belt and now it’s a Halloween costume of a kayaker.

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

Thanks for the advice.

That’s actually a good costume idea. It’s 50lbs tho so kinda would suck to carry all night lol

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MisChef@reddit

Pfft - only 50 lbs? Do you even kayak, bro?

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

Apparently not enough

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chatminteresse@reddit

Donate it to a thrift shop like Goodwill. They take everything and will even grab it from your truck

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

Probably the best idea I’ve seen yet. I doubt they’d notice the hole

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ingrown_prolapse@reddit

sometimes i feel guilty because i can’t imagine anyone needing the shit i drop off at goodwill. most people don’t know it’s a for profit business. yes they support charities, but all the shits they sell is for profit.

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Gogglesed@reddit

Tape a piece of paper over the hole.

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chatminteresse@reddit

The people taking in the goods are paid to bring it in, not question it. And at least you’re not negatively impacting an actual charity organization. Goodwill is a profiteering racket

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

Ya profiting off of donations has always seemed weird to me

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superdupersamsam@reddit

Flex tape!

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ChefArtorias@reddit

Wtf? Throw that shit away.

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slow6i@reddit

Cut that kayak into pieces, this is your last resort.

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bpthompson999@reddit

Make some piss disks and then sell it? Really? C'mon people! Like, how the fuck is that supposed to help OP out?

We all know the solution is a poop plug.

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N-Y-R-D@reddit

Folks constantly underestimate the poop plug.

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Additional_Main_7198@reddit

Drop it off near some.homeless people.

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Justadailytoke@reddit

Melt it

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TokiStark@reddit

All kayaks have a hole in them

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Tronracer@reddit

Would it not sink if you pushed it out on a lake?

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No_Sun9675@reddit

Slide it into your nearest body of water... make it look like there was somebody in it.

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suddenvalleyfarms@reddit

Ten bucks worth of fiberglass would fix it.

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BruceRL@reddit

Depends on where you live. I'm in Phoenix and everyone's ULPT when they're too important to take things to the dump is to drop their garbage in the desert just outside of the edge of town.

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StraightUp-Reviews@reddit

… and then proceed to shoot it.

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TheIronSoldier2@reddit

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GreenLooger@reddit

Put a sign on it, $100 OBO, leave it on the curb.

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Secure-Village-1768@reddit

Is it that hard to fix it?

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Rentonhater@reddit

Nope

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Rentonhater@reddit

It's pretty easy to patch a kayak. Might as well post it for free on Craigslist.

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One_Impression_5649@reddit

Isn’t this a self fulfilling solution? It HAS A HOLE IN IT, go for a rip and let it sink.

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

I’d rather not litter a kayak in my bodies of water

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One_Impression_5649@reddit

Then why are you in unethical pro tips? Take the fucking thing to the dump.

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jongscx@reddit

We may be monsters, but we still have standards.

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One_Impression_5649@reddit

Kinda like an anti hero I suppose. Be bad everyone but also be good ffs.

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

There are other unethical ways to get rid of something than throwing it in nature

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One_Impression_5649@reddit

That is a fair point. How about just throwing it in someone else’s truck then? Free kayak!

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

I like that one 😂

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Scary-Ad9646@reddit

Go kayaking.

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Sea_Organization4482@reddit

Patch it, piss in it, freeze it =giant piss disk someone on here will buy it now

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

This is what I was looking for

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d4nks4uce@reddit

I’m laughing so godamn hard right now

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

How much piss do you think it’d take to fill a 10.5ft kayak and how long would it take me to piss it?

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Icy_Needleworker7790@reddit

Sink it in a lake, just remove the foam paddle out and swim back.

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CutsAPromo@reddit

Get a job working as a chef.

Buy a wood chipper.

Every day fill your pockets with shredded kayak.

Mix it into the food and serve it.

It should be gone in a year or two

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Long_Bit8328@reddit

Put it out at the curb with a for sale sign that says $50

Someone will steal it. Guaranteed!

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All_Your_Base@reddit

Take it to the local lake. Leave without it.

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KeyMysterious1845@reddit

Don't leave your trash at a lake.

That's beyond unethical - its just being an asshole.

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One_Impression_5649@reddit

It’s an artificial reef for the fishes. Why do you hate fish and their reef?

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KeyMysterious1845@reddit

If I shat on your car, is that a hood ornament ?

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One_Impression_5649@reddit

Yes

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KeyMysterious1845@reddit

I got a turtle head poking out!

Where am I dropping it for you to admire while you drive around ?

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One_Impression_5649@reddit

Obviously on the roof centre of the cab. Pls plant a flag too.

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All_Your_Base@reddit

Beams !

Thank you! It's going to be difficult to improve on that tomorrow. :D

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x_lincoln_x@reddit

Go kayaking. It'll take care of itself.

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vegemite_poutine@reddit

Put it in the water

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trunningx@reddit

What am I missing. Can't you just put it in a body of water?

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cr15pyboi@reddit (OP)

I don’t want to litter a big plastic kayak in nature. But ya I should have expected that coming to the unethical sub

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trunningx@reddit

Yup- my answer would have been completely different had this been “ethical life pro tips”. Had we been there I would have just said post it on Facebook marketplace for free. I’ve had people want all sorts of stuff that I considered trash.

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Auto_Phil@reddit

Take it out for a paddle. Done.

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Shot_Supermarket_861@reddit

Open your tailgate and drive on the interstate at night

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giantrons@reddit

Put it at the curb with a sign saying $200 Firm!

It’ll be gone by morning.

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Leave in pond