Stellantis should build an Opel Oliver, a retro style compact that is a successor to Richard Hammond’s old Opel Kadett “Oliver”, not unlike what BMW did with (new) Mini, VW New Beetle, electric Renault 5, or even Stellantis’ own Fiat 500.

Right now, Stellantis is letting iconic brands die off while bleeding money. What they need isn’t another unobtainable halo car (33 Stradale, MC20), but a desirable economy car for everyone with character and a marketing power. A modern version of Top Gear’s iconic “Oliver” would be exactly that.

Granted, building a decent car that’s reasonably reliable is something Stellantis will have to work on, but Stellantis is the fifth-largest carmaker in the world. Somewhere in that massive parts bin there has to be a simple, underpowered compact waiting to be pieced together (Peugeot 308 seems like a good starting point). If not, they can just slap an aggressive 10 year warranty and eat the cost while they develop a whole new platform. And Stellantis can sell it through its existing showrooms (actually they should consolidate showrooms so multiple Stellantis brands are displayed together like a car show, but I digress).

Oliver should be a small lightweight yellow (of course it can be one of the fifty shades of grey too, ugh) petrol car with round DRL headlights, analog dial, cheap plastic buttons, and a simple screen in the middle for CarPlay/Andriod Auto. Maybe throw in lightning-bolt accents inspired by their logo for some flair (i.e. side indicators). Build a CUV variant too if they must, that might be more appealing to the general public.

No crazy horsepower, no weird futuristic gimmicks or designs. And no EV either, Stellantis doesn’t have a competitive dedicated EV platform yet. Save that for a proper 2nd gen refresh.

Of course, you’d need Richard Hammond’s blessing. I think he would be happy to. Depending on his enthusiasm, Stellantis can even ask for his input in the development, or at least have him there for the car launch and promotion. Hell, name him the head of Opel, if he wants. I mean what has Opel been up to for the last few decades anyway?

Once Stellantis has a solid offering at the entry level, hire Clarkson and May to do something similar with Alfa, Lancia, and the like. I believe they would be quite thrilled to be involved in modern resurrection of Lancia. (And imagine seeing all those legacy brands in a showroom alongside Jeeps, Peugeots, and Maseratis. Stellantis will have a lineup of cars that’s unmatched, and that’s why they should consolidate their showrooms. Think of the foot traffic.)

We are witnessing enshittification of new cars. Maybe there’s money to be made building soulless disposable “appliances”, but Stellantis’ “appliances” can’t compete with Germans or Chinese.

But Germans left a huge gap when they took that route. And it’s a prime time for someone to step up.

We are told time and time again that car purchases are emotional one. And few automotive group has more emotions and heritage than Stellantis group.

Come on Stellantis, make “Oliver”.