My Dad's Getting Old
Posted by lilesj130@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 155 comments
I realized today that my Dad's getting, like, old-old. He turns 90 in November and while I know logically that's old and he has been for a while, it's only really recently that he ~seems~ old to me. He's having health issues, lost appetite & therefore losing weight, and napping a lot more often. He's still mostly all there mentally, but he tells me the same health info a couple of times at least. Mom's been gone for about 15 years and his 2nd wife takes great care of him, but it's kinda just hitting me now (denial runs strong in this family) that he's in his last years. And that makes me sad.
Sorry for the bummer post, just kinda venting to the void I guess.
JoeyMack47@reddit
My father passed away at 74 years old a little over 10 years ago. Mom passed recently, in May, at just a few weeks past her 76th birthday. I'm 50 years old. I don't anticipate making it past mid-70's. That's pretty much the cutoff for both my (moms and dads) families.
All that to say, 90 is HUGE! He's made it a long long time. Savor every moment from here on. Every. Moment.
There's so much I wish I could've said to them, done with them, taken the time to learn from them. They were just suddenly gone, and I lament putting off visiting, talking, etc.
Jacksonofall@reddit
My grandfather napped everyday. He told me the days just became too long. Then again, he passed at 103. So go ahead and nap.
urkillinmebuster@reddit
They really don’t prepare you much for the amount of losses you go through as an adult
Ilovemytowm@reddit
I think they try to tell us in different ways and it just goes whoosh for a long time.
Life is short here at a billion times.. Appreciate what you have live your life to the fullest Don't get all mad and bitter and angry about shit that's not worth it because it goes by so quick.
That only sunk in in the past few years.
Lost both of my parents. They were both the same age 93. Jesus Christ I miss them so much. 💔💔💔💔💔
Comfortable_Sea634@reddit
This 👆💯... I lost my Mom and Dad within 7 months of each other, 8 years ago. Not a day goes by where I don't think about them or talk about them.
Independent-Low6706@reddit
I lost Dad last April and Mamma on the first of August. They were married for 58 years and were the very definition of a lifelong love story. I was really really blessed and now I am figuring out how to be alone. Im just glad they are together.
Ilovemytowm@reddit
Same. 💔❤️ Every single day. I never thought of it really like that but you're right it's every damn day I think about my dad my mom... I say hello to them I tell them I miss them. I get lost in a memory and I wish I could go back for just 5 minutes... Sigh
LitPixel@reddit
I have a saying - the worst part about getting old, isn’t your body breaking down it’s the accumulation of loss and pain and things you just can’t unsee at night.
Lilpunkrkgrl@reddit
So much this. I didn't understand why my grandma was so sad. She had been thru so much. And now I sometimes will have moments of clarity where I know ill never have a moment of pure joy again, and its too bad I didn't know the last time was the last time...
2_Bagel_Dog@reddit
In one of Donald Hall's books, I wrote down this quote: I feel the circles grow smaller, old age is a ceremony of losses…
Raiders2112@reddit
Two this week for me. A friend passed at 58 a week ago today, and my fathers best friend, a mentor to me, passed at 83 the next day. I have lost count on just how many people I've known and loved who have passed away over the past two years. I'm only 55, and this is just getting crazy.
Jolly-Guard3741@reddit
One of my Son-In-Laws sisters died last week at 33 years old. See orphaned her three children all 10 and under.
SmellsPrettyGood2Me@reddit
I wish I had this printed and hanging somewhere, it's so true 😔
rhcedar@reddit
I think everyone goes through this. It's sad. However, I did find that my relationship changed with my parents. I believe they came to the same realization around the same time. They relied on me and my siblings more than we rely on them at that point. We'll be on the other side of that fence soon enough.
DepartureTight798@reddit
I think you should be celebrating that you still have him. My parents died at 67 and 72. They’d be 92 and 91 now.
ComputingGuitarist@reddit
I lost my boomer dad when he was 64 years old. I would take old over gone any day of the week.
toaddawet@reddit
Parkinson’s took my Dad right after he turned 74. Hard to see his mind deteriorating- he was an engineer and could do huge math problems in his head, no calculator needed. I used to be able to ask him about almost anything when I was little, and he’d be able to tell me about it. The first time he said “I don’t know” to a question I was amazed. He read a lot. Thankfully, he didn’t last too long after it really set in. Still doesn’t seem right that he’s not here.
Confident-Silver-271@reddit
My condolences.
I have my dad's slide rule and the leather bean bags he used to hold blueprints down on the drafting table.
My dad died quickly after being diagnosed with cancer, but not before having a stroke and a PE. Seeing this man who was so smart and always had a comment, conversation, or joke to share suddenly not being able to speak was really rough.
toaddawet@reddit
Thank you, my condolences to you as well. Dad and I weren’t close, but I loved him. For me it’s more of a feeling of “it just doesn’t feel right that he’s not here.“ I miss him, and his influence. And I wish he was here to be with my mom. Thanks for reminding me about the slide rule. He had one in a nice leather case, and I’m not sure where it is. I’ll have to look around for that. Thanks for replying.
Confident-Silver-271@reddit
Thank you very much. I really appreciate that. And I understand what you are saying...
Parkinson's is awful, I'm so sorry. It's brutal. Know that your father is with you and your mom, in a different way. But it's so hard when the physical presence is no longer there.
I hope you find the slide rule. And maybe even a reverse Polish notation calculator!
Gullible-Biscotti186@reddit
My dad is 76 and was getting on a bulldozer 3 days a week up till he had his stroke 2 years ago.. He can still walk close to a mile without stopping and is honery as ever but you can tell it’s catching up to him… Worse part of getting older is watching your hero’s get old too..
Lilpunkrkgrl@reddit
My Pop was on the roof doing his own a till the year he died he was 88
Cool_Dark_Place@reddit
Sounds a lot like my grandad. He was a golf course greenskeeper and wasn't in great health for the last 10 or 15 years of his life... but was up at 4:30am every morning and working at least 50 hours a week. The tough old bastard worked through an vascular replacement, 2 strokes, a triple bypass, and really didn't stop working until he finally developed lung cancer (lifelong smoker), and they literally removed one of his lungs and put him on oxygen. We sadly lost him in 2012, at the age of 73. Watching the strongest man I've ever known in my life slowly turn into a frail shadow of himself was one of the toughest things I've ever had to go through. He'll forever remain everything I'll always strive to be.
Lilpunkrkgrl@reddit
My Pop turned 88 and I finally realized he was old. He passed away that year. Ill never be the same.
Zealousideal-Time-32@reddit
Yep. I feel ya. Mom passed @ 63. Pops is almost 80. Doing well, his eyes lost their color and he finally went all white haired. He's Mexican. Light blue eyes on an old latino looks off. I guess I'm next.
Agreeable_Charge1084@reddit
I just lost my Dad at 89 years old. Would have turned 90 in November. My Mom has aged significantly after being diagnosed with breast cancer at 85 and helping to care for my Dad. I live every with purpose and thank God for my parents who raised me and did their best.
bubbybeno@reddit
Spend time with him while he is here
GolDanKar911@reddit
My dad passed away several months ago and it has been the genesis of a total existential crisis for me. We were very close, I miss him horribly, the grief rocked me to my core, and while I feel better (less sad) because of the passage of time, it has been shockingly hard. Blessed to have him into his 90s and recognize that no amount of time would ever have been enough but I was stunned by how shocking it was that he just was no longer here.
steffi309@reddit
I'm 50 and all my immediate family has passed. My mother being the last one to pass in 2022. What's left are distant cousins. My father is still alive but I only recently found out who he is and I'm not interested in connecting with him or his family. It's nothing personal, I was raised by my mother without ever knowing him and it seems like a lost cause now.
Character-Salary634@reddit
My parents are not much older than me, 70s. They had me when they were teenagers. I see them a couple of times a year in person. But I see them every day when I talk and interact with people. It's involuntary, but I say things all the time that are 100% my father talking. The sounds I make, gestures, irritating quirks, etc. My wife and I tease each other all the time about acting like versions of our parents. I'll catch myself mid-sentence realizing Im acting and saying something exactly like my Dad would. So, I know I'll never fully be without them. They are a huge part of who I am, and even though we've grown apart as people do, I'll never be able to escape being a combined (and better!) version of the two.
Substantial_Layer_79@reddit
Cherish the time you have with him. Write down everything you may have questions about later: family, work, stories, anything. Make videos of him, so you can hear his voice and see his face when you need to. I wish I'd been more prepared. I have panic attacks when I think of a question only my dad could answer. Sending my best.
Prudent-Champion-500@reddit
My siblings and myself just had to put my 91 old father into a nursing home a couple weeks ago. Though he lived with my sister after my mom passed 13 years ago he was completely independent until 6 weeks ago. He fell a couple months ago and all indications showed he was fine until he just collapsed due to bleeding in his brain from the fall that X-rays didn’t see. It’s so sad and upsetting to see him like this
ComfortableHat4855@reddit
He's old. My dad is 92.
oldridingplum@reddit
My parents are both gone but I know people in their 80's who you would never guess are that old because they lead such an active lifestyle. The body does eventually break down through natural process and everyone starts gradually slowing down. It's wonderful that your dad was able to live so long without too many health problems. Cherish this time with him whether it's 10 more months or 10 more years.
notanelonfan2024@reddit
Get him to HBOT if you can afford it. At least 30 minutes at 2ATA in pure oxygen. 60 sessions over 3 months. Could be a massive improvement to his quality of life.
Let us know how it goes.
DaddyOhMy@reddit
My in-laws are both 92. For my mother-in-law's 90th birthday, my in-laws took my wife and her sister to London for their first family trip in 40 years. (We've all gone away together, this was just the four of them).
HairCheap2773@reddit
Great book to consider. Check out this book on Goodreads: Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20696006-being-mortal
Confident-Silver-271@reddit
That's a good one... "When Breath Becomes Air" is a good book, too.
MarcusAurelius68@reddit
My dad was fit and spry until 88, and then dementia kicked in. He had to be put in a care facility at 89, broke his hip, got pneumonia, recovered, and then got pneumonia the second time (dementia affected his cough and swallowing ability) which took him out. Enjoy your dad while you can - when the time comes, it comes quickly.
Confident-Silver-271@reddit
Aw, man, that's really rough. My condolences 💚
air_head_fan@reddit
Born in '72, both of my parents are dead. Fuck Parkinson's and fuck cancer.
Cherish your dad.
Confident-Silver-271@reddit
Both of my parents are gone, too. F cancer. It'll be 15 years for my Dad and 11 years for my mom this October. The both would have been 90 this year-- which I honestly can't even imagine. Hold them close while you got 'em 💚
Dangerous-Sorbet2480@reddit
Also fuck Alzheimer’s and deadbeat dads. Life is just hard. Really hard.
NathanBrazil2@reddit
my mom has been mostly fine living alone for the last 10 years after dad died. she is 87 now, and starting to have balance problems. she fell a couple of times. we just got her a emergency alert necklace to wear that calls a service. i think somewhere around 90 is when most people who make it that far start to have real problems. i dont think most 90 year olds should be living alone. you dad is lucky to have someone to help him.
Alternative-Law4626@reddit
Well, my dad never got old. Died at 52. Count your blessings.
aconsul73@reddit
Welcome to the last stage in your relationship with your dad. It happens to most of us eventually.
Tips:
you only get to do this once so don't beat yourself up for any mistakes you make
there is a participation trophy for showing up, so show up
appreciate the good days
find newcomers goals and ways to appreciate the changing relationship
find support and IRL peers to talk to - you definitely are not the only gen x going through this phase of life
vintage-hipster@reddit
My parents just turned 90 and celebrated their 69th wedding anniversary in August, and I relate 100% to this post.
funnyfaceking@reddit
Nice
TurkeyAuToilet@reddit
Gotta love when you have empathy for a fellow Gen X’er and their aging parents, but also snicker at them being married for 69 years.
double-xor@reddit
Whoosh. It wasn’t a snicker.
funnyfaceking@reddit
What was it?
SassholeSupreme1@reddit
My in-laws are 88 and just celebrated their 68th anniversary too. MIL has Alzheimer’s now, FIL has taken a few serious falls. They are so different from the people I first met. I honestly don’t know how my husband is going to handle it when they are no longer here. He’s over there almost daily. But it’s also taking a toll on him. I understand, because I took care of my mom for years too. Lots of complicated feelings.
suzanneov@reddit
69 years! Hella cool! 👏👏👏
LiquidSoCrates@reddit
Aging parents is the thing they should have told us about, not quicksand or Sasquatch. My mom is very old and very sick. I knew the day would arrive, but really I didn’t. I wasn’t ready. I’m still not ready.
Bitter-Ad-6709@reddit
None of us are ever ready (sigh).
Optimal-Ad-7074@reddit
it's like labour. you can prepare, but it comes in so many different flavours, shapes and forms that when it comes to you, you could easily end up having a completely different experience from the one you prepped for.
SmellsPrettyGood2Me@reddit
Keeping a spot in my heart for you and your mom.
Optimal-Ad-7074@reddit
this is your cue to get him while the getting is good. don't just mope. you can pro-act.
I didn't reconnect with my dad until he was 92 and I spent the last 18 months of his life in hard "smoke him while you got him" mode since I had lost time to make up. grieving has been easier for me than it was for my sibs. I miss him wildly but I don't have the if-onlies the way that they do.
7toedcat@reddit
My Dad is 88. He's my favorite person in the entire world. (Sorry, DH). I know I'll be an absolute wreck when he's gone so I asked him to please write something for me to read when he dies; some meaningful words about our relationship and a consolation for me to hold onto while I'm grieving his passing. He replied that he'd already done exactly that. I didn't need to ask him because we think so much alike😄.
Competitive_Pea_3478@reddit
With I had done that. Anyone reading this out there, please do it.
Realistic-Bass2107@reddit
I love this for you! I miss my Daddy (57 F). He passed in 2018
Hyphen99@reddit
I’m in the same boat. My parents (dad 90, mom 82) were always the cool young-acting types until the pandemic. The isolation and loss of time socializing with their friends really changed their marriage and life habits for the worse. Then my dad went through cancer and chemo, lost a lot of hearing during all that too… he’s now a shadow of what he was just a few years back. My sister and I live nearby and spend a lot of time with them. But it’s so tough to see them struggle.
eastbaypluviophile@reddit
My MIL just turned 90 last month and her health has been slowly failing for about a year. She is still with it mentally for the most part but my gut tells me this is her last year with us. It’s going to be paradigm changing for my DH’s family when she is gone.
My own parents have been gone for years, and let’s just say I had learned a long time since, how to get along without them.
FunBreak6648@reddit
Dad passed in December of 22, was 89. He started going south right after his birthday in June. Was one of the hardest things to be my dad caregiver the last couple of months of his life. He wanted to go just gave up living, lost all his friends, teeth, could barely walk
Asleep-Trip7224@reddit
Right there with you, my dad’s been gone for 20 years and mom is now 90 too, was pretty healthy until recently, now has heart issues.
78andahalf@reddit
It's tough. My mom passed away on April 12th at age 95. I'm 56. She was in decent health for her age up until about 6 weeks before she passed. Hang in there!
Mysterious_Worker608@reddit
I lost my Dad 4 months ago and my Mom last week. Enjoy every day with him.
NewtOk4840@reddit
My mom passed away 2 weeks ago and it still doesn't feel real. 💛
Hyperdon@reddit
Losing your mam is very hard, sorry for your loss 🫂
NewtOk4840@reddit
Thank you I appreciate it she was 84 at the beginning stages of dementia but she fell out of her wheelchair at the hospital and they couldn't do surgery and she died within the week.
jfrankparnell85@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. It hits incredibly hard right after the funeral is over. Things go back to “normal” - which is why it hurts so much. Holidays suck for a bit
The healing starts when you can remember good times and feel a part of them is with you
I lost my mom when I was 14; my dad is gone 26 years. My mom’s last sister died 6 years ago. That also hit hard- she was like a 2nd mom. When I was able to bring up some hilariously silly things she said with my wife I knew I was healing
It’s a process
Talk about it with people. And it may help to reach out to a professional to talk to
NewtOk4840@reddit
We haven't even buried her yet there were problems with her life insurance but hopefully within the next couple weeks we can bury her. And I'm truly sorry about ur parents. My dad died when I was 12 at 34,my son died of COVID he was 34 also. The only good thing to come out of this is I'm no longer afraid to die.
jfrankparnell85@reddit
Oh God
The insurance and legal stuff is stressful - and it is difficult to manage everything while grieving
I can’t imagine how it is to lose a child
Raiders2112@reddit
My condolences to you and u/NewtOk4840. I am not forward to that day. I am so sorry to the both of you.
NewtOk4840@reddit
It's crazy one minute she's in the kitchen making her morning egg and the next day she falls out of her wheelchair at the hospital they couldn't do surgery she started shutting down so they sent her home to die doped up on morphine and fentanyl,I'm so sad but relieved she's no longer suffering.
Kim_possible91768@reddit
♡♡♡
Mysterious_Worker608@reddit
Thank you.
RedditSkippy@reddit
So sorry for your loss, fellow X-er.
Mysterious_Worker608@reddit
Thank you. I'm actually a young boomer (1959), but I have much more in common with you X-ers.
RedditSkippy@reddit
Oh, my aunt is your age.
Hyperdon@reddit
That's really tough sorry for your losses 🫂
Mysterious_Worker608@reddit
Thank you.
izb215@reddit
Same— Dad April and Mom August. It’s sad and it sucks.
Mysterious_Worker608@reddit
I'm so sorry. My parents were together for 70 years. After my Dad passed, my Mom simply didn't want to live anymore. She basically laid down and died. It was peaceful, and she was surrounded by kids and grandkids.
Myeloman@reddit
We just had his conversation while visiting my MIL & her husband who just attended our niece’s wedding (we weren’t invited) where they saw my FIL and his wife who are both showing their age significantly, so much so my MIL barely recognized her ex-husband. All four of them have had some serious health issues over the years, MIL beat stage 4 breast cancer around 30 years ago without chemo or radiation, and she’s doing the best of all of them, now into their 80’s. My parents are barely into their 70’s and still doing pretty good. The next few years though are gonna be hard on my wife, who herself just went through cancer treatments. Shit is starting to get real fast!
Individual-Molasses5@reddit
My hero was 97 years old. Managed to stay home all but the last 20 days of his life. I miss him so much. A life well lived. My goal was always to be just like him, but I am a Gen-X slacker. I’ll never stop trying though.
Zealousideal-Sea4843@reddit
I just got home from visiting mine and I’m having the same feelings. Hugs 🫂.
Zealousideal-Fix-968@reddit
My day worked until he was 93. He said if he stopped working, he'd die, which he did after breaking his hip on the job at 94. He wasn't far off, but dear God, if I have to keep working to stay alive, I might give up around 75 or so.
Embracerealityplease@reddit
I feel you too. Mine’s only 80 but it caught up to him fast after a life as the youthful, energetic dad. It’s tough watching Superman get old. Great guy, always there for me when I was younger. Just seems to be headed downhill fast. Hardest part is he’s never been one to complain about his health, so as a consequence he’s avoiding everyone more and more.
porkopolis@reddit
My mom just went into hospice on Friday. She’ll turn 92 in a couple weeks if she makes it. Do yourself a favor and have a talk with your dad. Get whatever documents you need for his healthcare decisions (after you’ve discussed his wishes) and financial POA. We’re dealing with a difficult mess because my mom didn’t trust anyone (which only got worse with age). Hidden jewelry and cash. Accounts everywhere and unknown to us. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
Lauren_sue@reddit
I’m in the same situation. Very blessed to have parents I enjoyed so much, but it will be a worse world without them. My dad will be 90 and my mom is 84.
SomethingClever70@reddit
I lost both my parents last year, and two uncles the year before. My 90 year old aunt just moved to assisted living last week.
I used to say I felt 15-20 years old on the inside, but the deaths of my parents smacked me upside the head with my chronological age. I feel very tired.
I don’t think I have any advice or inspiration for you, OP, but I do have virtual hugs for you.
Kim_possible91768@reddit
I know what you mean. My dad is turning 80 in Nov. Last yr I thought he was turning 80, when I realized it was the next yr, I was so happy and thankful he was younger than I thought.
Stone_cold_portland@reddit
Hold his hand as often as you can. It brings back memories of when you were both younger and it is the last great memory of my last few days with my dad. He’s lucky to have you thinking of him now😊
acanis73@reddit
I wish i had my dad till his 90s
Routine_Shallot_6680@reddit
My dad passed away 12 years ago, but he would have been 94 this year. My mom passed away 2 years ago this weekend and would have been 77. I Still think about them both all the time.
BigDogTusken@reddit
Yea, I get it. I live about 2 hours from my parents and get to see them every few months. They are both mid 70s and still get around reasonably well but I didn't start really sink in for me until a year or so ago that they are old.
Maryland_Bear@reddit
My dad passed away about eight years ago at the age of 89.
He stayed active and vital until the end. He had joked his goal was to have a massive heart attack and keel over dead while mowing his lawn and he almost got his wish. He fell and struck his head on the driveway as he was putting his mower in the garage.
He lived another ten days and was alert till the final hours. We had been told he’d need to be in a nursing home and I was heading into town so Mom, my sister and I could make plans when Mom called me and told me he was gone.
We’re all agreed that while we wish he was still alive, he would have been absolutely miserable in a nursing home. Even if he could have returned to the family home, his activities would have been severely curtailed.
Mom is still alive and does great for someone turning 89 in a few weeks. She has a job coordinating Meals On Wheels deliveries that last 2-3 hours a day and she’s considered it a blessing since Dad died. The only serious health issue she has is pre-diabetes and she’s watching that.
When they retired, they both agreed they didn’t want to be like their parents and spend their days waiting to die. They did well in that regard.
the_real_darkrock@reddit
My mom passed in February and it was rough. Yesterday was my birthday and it hit me really hard that that was the first time she didn’t call me and wish me a happy birthday.
jk_pens@reddit
That’s my mom except no second husband. I talk to her a few times a year and see her maybe once or twice a year and each time the decline is getting really noticeable now. It’s sad to see but thanks for posting this cause it’s a good reminder that other people are dealing with it too.
raqnroll@reddit
Not for nothing, but you should really up those numbers. If your mom is 90, say you have 5 more years, that's 15 more phone calls and 10 more visits (based on "...talk a few times a year and see her maybe once or twice a year...") Really puts things in perspective if you think about time left based on visits and calls...
jk_pens@reddit
Trust me it’s a conscious decision to have this level of contact and I am ok with it.
Case in point: last time I offered to visit her she accused me of having an “ulterior motive” when I just wanted to check in on her before she went on a cruise with my sister.
Latitude22@reddit
Relish every minute. Both my parents have been dead for over a decade. Still hits hard on the holidays and bdays. I remember every time that phone rang from my dad just thinking oh man this is it.
hapster85@reddit
Dad was only 19 and three months when I was born, so at almost 78, he's probably younger than a lot of father's of guys my age. He turns down physical tasks now he didn't hesitate to do just a couple of years ago, so I know he's feeling it.
Global-Fact7752@reddit
How fortunate you are to still have him.Average life expectancy for a man in the U.S. is 78.
Konorlc@reddit
Yeah. My dad passed at 67. It’s been 20 years already.
Bill195509@reddit
My dad died at 37. Wish I had the opportunity to watch him grow old. You folk are lucky.
-wildflower-_@reddit
Mine was 59
Global-Fact7752@reddit
🥰🥰
Astronaut6735@reddit
I visit my dad twice a year. He is 84, and every time I see him he's noticeably older. He's been dealing with health issues for a long time and had some close calls, but he's still with us.
Prize_Ad6430@reddit
My father has been dead-dead since 1987. Found my mother dead-dead earlier this year. It's a hard run sometimes.
Vegetable-Orchid1789@reddit
Enjoy this time, I wish I had more with my dad!
snakepliskinLA@reddit
Same. Dad’s 92, lots of naps and weight loss. He’s been alone for more than a decade and won’t let us do much to help him with his home life. These silent generation guys are an independent lot.
Dreammagic2025@reddit
Music. Music prepares you. I think books too.
Electronic_Rub9385@reddit
At 90 he can literally die suddenly any day. It’s a miracle he’s still alive at 90. He can just die in his sleep suddenly. Pray that’s how he goes out.
thatsplatgal@reddit
What’s so crazy about this stage of life is how you really don’t know how long people have. The spectrum is long. Some of us have passed by 55 and others are like your father living long into their 90’s. You just don’t really know how long you have with them. My father is 82 and doing so well but I live abroad and see him 1 x year and worry that each year I return he may have aged at an accelerated rate. It makes me think.
Sending hugs.
RedditSkippy@reddit
My husband is dealing with that. I have no idea what the logistics of traveling are like for you, but if you at all can go more—do it.
nycinoc@reddit
My dad passed at 42.
Cherish the time you've spent together.
Give him a hug and thank him every day you still have him in your life for the man you've become.
Ok_Researcher_9796@reddit
My dad, who I never even knew has been gone for 5 years. He was 62. My mom is going on 68.
RedditSkippy@reddit
You had very young parents!
Raiders2112@reddit
Damn, I feel all of ya. My father will be 84 this Wednesday and my mother who is 81 is having hip surger the second week of September. I am beyond concerned about it. My father is great health for his age, but they keep making go over all the legal stuff after they "pass" every time I see them. It just hits me the same way u/lilesj130 is talking about. I'm just glad they're still here.
RedOwl97@reddit
My Dad turns 90 later this year. He was very healthy until he was 88. Then he had a cascade of health problems. Now a mind that used to argue cases in front of the Supreme Court struggles to operate a TV remote. It’s sad.
LeanButNotMean@reddit
I’m so fortunate at my age (57) to still have my parents around. My Dad (about to be 86) has heart failure and spinal stenosis. My Mom (87) is in the early stages of dementia and also has back issues which force her to walk a bit hunched over. They’ve been married for more than 60 years. They are each other’s world. They’re about a 5 hour drive away, but I try to see them at least 4x/year and we talk almost every day. I cannot imagine my life without them.
RhodiumPlated@reddit
My mom is 97, still living semi-independently in her own apartment. Sadly I live across the country and can only afford to visit her once a year. I call and FaceTime with her but it’s not really the same as being able to hug her in person. My siblings live much closer to her, thank God. But I so dread the day I get a phone call.
RedditSkippy@reddit
Nope, I totally understand.
My dad will be 82 later this year, and he’s doing great for someone that age, buuuuut, he’s getting old. I know that a lot of us have already lost parents before that age, but all of them (parents and in-laws,) are still around. I know I’m lucky.
For whatever reason, when my dad turned 70, I really, really struggled with that reality—I had to check in with my doctor. (It had been a combination of a lot in the few years before that.)
WillDupage@reddit
My Dad’s been gone a year and a half after 2 years in memory care. He was a month shy of 91. Mom is still going at 87. She’s back to driving and lunch with the ladies after a minor stroke in December. In theory, she’s going to sell the house to my cousin next year and move into an apartment in a retirement village, but she’s getting a little mulish about it. Since the stroke she’s turned into an old lady.
FUWS@reddit
I lost both my parents in my 20s and while it matures you, it also leave many questions and moments you may have a chance to have.
Take advantage of this while you have it with him. I didn’t even get along with my dad but I would have loved to have him meet my son and wife.
Rillion25@reddit
My father passed away a year ago at 86. A decade ago he told me he never felt old until he turned 70. He said there was no deny he had gotten old when he was now in his 70's.
dragonbec@reddit
Oof yes. Just empathize with this. My parents are getting so old, my dad is mentally good but slowing down physically and my mom is barely there mentally, like still functioning but doesn’t have any real thoughts anymore besides her daily routine. It’s hard and sad.
Oppositeofhairy@reddit
Oh it sucks. Mom is still around, but we are her caregivers now. We live in a two story. She stays downstairs, we stay upstairs. She can’t use stairs as it is. But is definitely losing it.
The transition between being a parent and becoming the kid in the dynamic isn’t easy, it isn’t appreciated, but it’s sometimes the only thing that you can do.
It takes a toll on you some days. Today was one of those days for me too
Warm_Home6971@reddit
I was not prepared for how painful it would be to lose my dad. And he was sick for several years before passing. I had anticipatory grief, but the grief after he passed was beyond what I expected. Enjoy the time you have left and say what you need to say.
Bitter-Ad-6709@reddit
It crosses my mind about my parents as well, from time to time. They're both getting up there.
It's sad about them. It's sad that their parents are already gone. It's sad we will all get to that age some day. It's sad that we're all going to experience the same feelings, the same grief, the same mortality. It's sad that nobody, none of us, can do a dang thing about it.
Horseysauce619@reddit
Love, hug, call, spend whatever time you can with them. My step parents and parents all haven't made it past 67-69 years old. I miss them beyond words. Now my mom is fighting stage 3 rectal cancer. I'm beyond lost, and with her not doing good, I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with her.
Practically_Hip@reddit
Sensitive topic. Many of us lost parents much younger. Never easy, no matter what age.
I was 31 when my mom died and 45 when my dad died. Sucks. Most of all for the grandkids (my kids who never knew their grandmother). But some people lose their parents when they themselves are still kids, so everything is relative.
Peace to your and your family.
Grimol1@reddit
Yeah, my mom is almost 88 and every time I see her she’s visibly frailer and less mobile. Dad died four years ago. My mom is funny though, after my brother turned 60 she says “I don’t mind getting old but I really don’t like it that my kids are getting old.”
DryFoundation2323@reddit
Be thankful that you still have him and spend as much time with him as you can while you still have the chance. You will be thankful for it later.
SnooMemesjellies7469@reddit
If it wasn't for dad's 2nd wife, I might've written this.
frandor_Dude@reddit
Just spend time with him. Lost mydad too soon at 77 years.
Aggravating-One2200@reddit
This resonates deeply. I’m currently visiting my folks (in their early 80s), and they’re still quite active, healthy, and engaged with the business of living, but…I can see them changing. Every time I visit, I see small differences in their physical appearances and the way they speak, carry themselves, etc…it’s happening. My ageless parents are aging.
It’s a big ol’ mindfuck, but I am so, so grateful that they are both still here. I’m squeezing every last drop of goodness out of this, because I know what’s coming, and I know it’s coming sooner rather than later.
Big hug to you, internet friend. I see you.
smappyfunball@reddit
My dad missed his 88th birthday by 9 days. He died about 6 weeks ago.
My mom is 86 and still going strong, I have 5 aunts and uncles still all doing pretty well, including one the same age as my dad.
I feel that weight of them all getting older, and the clock ticking. I finally got my mom to write her will after years of talking about it with her.
I didn’t want it to descend into a mess when she’s finally gone and avoid any potential arguments with my brothers. She doesn’t have much but I e heard about too many families dealing with crap and I don’t need it. Especially on top of losing my mom.
whipla5her@reddit
I hear you. My mom passed earlier this month and my dad is 88. He still looks relatively good but he’s never been without my mom since he was 20 years old. It’s rough.
dingatremel@reddit
My dad is about to turn 85. It is truly a miracle that he’s made it this far. But he’s in congestive heart failure and has shriveled up to a fraction of his one powerful frame. His mobility is mostly gone,and he only leaves the house to see the doctor anymore.
This is hard, and no one prepares you for it. I frankly expect “the call” every single day.
I’m sorry. You aren’t alone.
lake-rat@reddit
I feel you my friend. The toughest part of getting older I have found is seeing our parents and aunts and uncles pass on.
evidentlynaught@reddit
Lost my dad in June, had these same realizations over the last year.
Let him know now what you want him to know.
TheLawOfDuh@reddit
Be thankful for this time. Try to inject something to make each visit special. As I look back those special memories are what stick out most are those times that brought extra joy to my dad and occasionally got a sly smile.
CheekanGood@reddit
My parents are 86 and 84. I visit once a week and spend at least 3 hours with them. I fix things and we talk about everything. My kids visit every couple of weeks and they play cards together. My dad begs to pass before my mom, so he's not a burden to anyone. I love them so much.
NerdyComfort-78@reddit
Cherish every day. My dad has been gone almost 8 years. We had our issues but I’d love to hang out with him one more time.
twopairwinsalot@reddit
We all face it. Its just part of life. Enjoy the time you have.
333pickup@reddit
Has your dad told you much about his parents?
Sad. This part of life is sad. Plus, the feeling of looking at my peers and thinking we are in our last 20 or 30 years of life. Finding a way to feel the poignancy, not pushing it down and not wallowing.
My parents died when I was young as did one od my brothers. I think I spent too much of childhood and young adulthood thinking about death.
Forseeinf the end of an average life span is a different experience of grief.
WaitingitOut000@reddit
Mine turned 93 this summer. Just wild, isn’t it? I understand completely!
bcoz05@reddit
I am sorry you are going through this. Ninety years old is great. I lost my mom when she was 58 years old. That was 21 years ago. I am now 58. I feel old.
Key-Contest-2879@reddit
I know it’s cliche, but every day is a blessing. Soak up as much time with him as you can while he’s here.
ClydeJarvis@reddit
I feel for and am right there with you. My dad is 85 and was always very tech savvy and keen on new trends. Now he seems frail and a little lost in today’s world.
Me-thinks-so-me-are@reddit
My mom is same age and it’s so hard to see the most resilient person I’ve ever known struggling and frustrated because she has always been so incredibly independent.
MhojoRisin@reddit
Aging parents are rough no matter the age they start getting old. Hang in there.