I’m so sorry you find yourself in this situation. My wife and I have been married for 34 years and have both now had our own health issues, and it can be hard no doubt. If I may, here are some things I learned.

As someone who went through a bone marrow transplant 14 years ago, and who’s wife is at the tail end of breast cancer treatment now, decide who your people are and lean on then as often as you need. We found “ring theory” early on, and it saved us a lot of headache. Here’s how it works: Imagine concentric circles. In the center ring is the person or people who are the most directly affected, aggrieved, and afflicted. In the next ring are close relatives; the next ring holds true friends; the ring after that holds acquaintances like neighbors, colleagues, distant relatives, and casual friends. The next circle holds caregivers who are professionally involved as sources of support or assistance, including doctors, nurses, therapists, and first responders, but the tragedy doesn’t touch their personal lives. The outermost circles contain community members and bystanders. They may be interested in this family or the situation, but they don’t have a direct personal or professional connection. This outermost ring can also include professionals like staff supervisors, hospital administrators, support staff, or any caregivers or responders who were not directly involved in caring for the family, plus journalists reporting the news and onlookers from the general public.

Something else that helped was starting a blog where I’d post my health updates as they happened, which alleviated the need to repeat the news over, and over, and over again as people would ask or I’d start making calls/texting. I’d just write up a brief blog post and email the link. People could comment on the post, or reply via email and I always made it clear I’d reply when I could, and I stuck to that. If I wasn’t up to replying, I didn’t. When it was my wife and my role went from patient to caregiver I was the one informing her family and I still stuck to this, never over extending myself.

If your kid has extracurricular activities find someone who can reliably help them get where they need to be and ask them to take photos or video, this will burdens. You can also swap roles and have someone stay with your husband, or take him to appointments, and you spend time with the kiddo. Remember, you as the caregiver need a break too.

Be sure everyone eats healthy. When SHTF it’s easy to just order take-away or stop for fast food. The catch is, now more than ever you need to feed your bodies with healthy foods. It can be helpful to have a friend or family member take point on creating a system whereby hose who want to help can offer up premade meals for you and the fam and that person runs point (comfort in, dump out) easing your burden and keeping you from fielding near constant calls or messages asking what you need and then someone can drop it by, and also keeping the masses from sneaking in and overstimulating you and asking tons of questions when all you need is a hot meal. Your one person can simply collect those meals and drop them off, and you can let them disseminate the needed information for you while doing so.

The old adage goes- it takes a village to raise a kid. I firmly believe it takes a village to help us through our adult struggles as well. You can’t beat a good Tribe of your people stepping up to help care for you, but that tribe needs leaders and systems to keep it running smoothly.

Lastly, you aren’t obligated to share any health information. If you or your husband don’t want people,knowing something, or anything, that’s ok. Whomever you choose to take on key roles amongst your tribe, they should respect this as well.

I hope this helps you, or anyone really, and I hope he makes a speedy and full recovery. Modern medicine has made some amazing advances in recent years, I’m literal living proof of that, as is my wife, and you are both stronger and more resilient than you know.