Don't be the hero. K, how do you not be.
Posted by KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit | sysadmin | View on Reddit | 47 comments
It's so easy to start out with the "omg, imma show them I'm a hard worker and do a great job". So you go full afterburner, maybe trying to secure your position/prove your worth/etc, or maybe you're just wired that way, to work so hard, who knows. But eventually you find yourself The Hero, and not long after realize you've been doing way more than you're actually paid for. If you let it go on long enough it turns to resentment, which never leads to anywhere good.
What do you do then? You've set a pattern of performance and results which has become an expectation and if you throttle back, it's seen as
Obviously, looking elsewhere is an option, but let's table that for time being and discuss only the context of immediate action or you have no other job prospects.
mvbighead@reddit
You be the hero on the clock. When the clock ends, you go home. Whatever fire of the day is, you can be the hero on the clock. Unless it is a TRUE emergency, everything stops with a reasonable time frame of when you should go home. If you have to give an extra 2 hours on Monday, you take them back on Friday.
You set your boundaries and stick to them. Be reasonable on your end, and insist they are reasonable on the business end.
And if you are on call and get 2-3 calls a night, you show up late or leave early the next day.
k0rbiz@reddit
I've learned not to do this anymore. It's not worth going above and beyond anymore. I used to invest in a homelab and stay up late tinkering and learning new things. The reward is very minimal. If I'm not rewarded or compensated for my hard work or efforts, I'm not going to do it anymore. Learn to say No and also set realistic expectations for yourself and others. They don't like it? Perhaps it's time to move on or find someone who does. I've had project work where boss says "we could get that done in 2 weeks", only for it to take months because he didn't understand the scope of work that was presented. Don't fall for that BS!
Thick_Yam_7028@reddit
I did it. I regret every late night and overtime I put in for no extra pay. Value yourself and setup boundaries. At the end of the day you are nothing but labor and an employee. It never hit me until I was fired during downsizing. Do what they expect and not an inch more.
Kryavan@reddit
It might be because I have a good boss, but if I start feeling that burnout or overwhelmed, I just mention it to him and he will ease off a bit. Ask others to pick up some slack, and assign others my tasks for a while.
Communication is key, especially when its heard and understood.
redditnamehere@reddit
Be sure to do the work, document, and move on to the next work item or ticket at a comfortable pace.
Do the tasks assigned by tickets to you and have faith that management has faith in you. No one wants you to burn out when you’ve put in so much effort and have great knowledge.
Lastly, you should be able to read the “tea leaves” if expectations of your performance change. I know this is vague, but I feel like we’d need more information to advise more.
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
The issue there is they want me to do more than just tickets assigned. I'm being asked not only to work on projects, but be in charge of them, lead the projects if there's more than just me involved, and even to come up with my own projects and assign work to others. For example, right now I'm being forced to lead a project that involves multiple teams from multiple business units, and everyone else from the other teams are 1-2 grades above me.
Sure, OK, I can do this. And honestly I'm the best person to do it, but now my motivation is less than zero after I got told for the second time in two years that I'm not good enough to be at the same title level as the same people depending on me for guidance on this massive project.
My expectations have been recently changed and somewhat vaguely defined. It's the whole "hey, we know you are skilled enough and have a good enough work ethic to do this job. We're just not going title you or pay you the appropriate amount to do it." that's pissing in my cheerios.
redditnamehere@reddit
That really frustrating. I can understand where you're coming from more now.
Does your manager conduct 1 on 1s? That should be your safe place to discuss frustrations, personal growth opportunities and advancement conversations.
If you're being asked to come up with your own tasks, who is responsible for authorizing the work to be done and assigning a team to work with? That person should be your manager or skip level manager, in some cases. If not, I wouldn't do the work. If so, there should be 1 on 1s to discuss your apprehension based on lack of career progression, title and pay (small caution - handle this conversation without feelings, but more merit-based).
You will be most effective in the short-term pushing through your feelings and creating an environment within the multiple teams where your responsible projects succeed. Medium-term, my advice would be to steer expectations with your direct manager while maintaining as much as possible high enthusiasm for the work and positive attitude.
Kind of a silly anecdote, but swing for the fences at times (ask for raises/title at the right time) but be reliable enough they can count on you to get on base and score a run when you're called upon (leading projects).
Gold-Antelope-4078@reddit
Yeah it’s hard sometimes. I’m one of those people “just built like that” a bit obsessive compulsive type with problems and responding / fixing things more than most worry about.
You just got to set your boundaries and then start to enforce them. Myself I started slowly mostly because it’s also a battle against my own nature, more so than the company.
TheBros35@reddit
I am the same way. I started to hold back - if I think a coworkers would be able to fix it, I stay mum and let them work through it.
The only exception to this is for our public facing services - we serve tens of thousands on that platform compared to our hundreds of employees. If something with (the part of it I can help with) screws up, I’ll take charge no matter what to get it back up.
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
I also am the same way. I get carried away b/c I enjoy it so much.
I have just started, in the past couple of weeks, doing what you're saying about staying out of it and letting the team handle it. It's kinda hard when I see a juicy ticket that I know I would enjoy digging into, but it's getting overall easier I think.
partydonut84@reddit
The situation I found myself in when trying to be the hero was constantly getting pinged by random people that I've helped in the past. They need me to help them figure out their issue. They expect you to immediately drop what you're doing and work on their issue. This often pulls you away from project you are working on and eventually get burnt out trying to helping everyone else and not getting your work done. I have figure out the best way to handle these random questions is by saying "I'm busy right now can you fill out a ticket or have you tried to google it?" This makes them follow the appropriate escalation process or figure it out on their own
ABotelho23@reddit
I just straight up ignore them. They can go shopping.
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
I don't have it in me. I been working with these people for years and have a good rapport with almost everyone. Besides that, I have a touch of OCD about unreads. Any time any apps have unread notifications, I have to check it. The longer I leave something bold or the red notification numbers, the more it makes my skin crawl.
I had an epiphany yesterday - I spent the whole day in DND status on Teams. Zero notification sounds or pop-ups. It. Was. Glorious 😂
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
I have recently started telling people that DM, hey sorry wrapped up in a project, help desk can help with this. They've been cool about it. (we have a great userbase overall)
Recent_Carpenter8644@reddit
You've got a help desk that can do some of it? That sounds like a good start!
desmond_koh@reddit
I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.
But this whole post is framed wrong. My advice?
Work hard, enjoy it, move up when you can and move on when you can't.
You are the master of your own success.
Interesting-Rest726@reddit
Setting your own boundaries is extremely important. To anyone reading this that doesn’t realize this, take heed. As a manager, I do not have capacity to manage your boundaries for you. I’m already managing your workload, my own workload, and the expectations of everyone above us and around us to enable you to succeed. I have to trust in YOUR boundaries. If you accept every task I give you without ever raising concerns about your stress level or deadlines, that signals to me that you are handling everything without issue. I have to trust that you will raise concerns with me.
I had to learn the hard way early in my career to advocate for myself and to enforce my own boundaries, and it took me many years to understand why I had to do that. It wasn’t until I became a people manager that I realized that no one above me ever had time to babysit my own boundaries for me and that not only did I have to do it myself, it was an expectation of being a professional.
desmond_koh@reddit
I don't disagree but managing your task load and stress load is not the same as setting boundaries. They are related but not the same thing.
Boundaries are about understanding spheres of responsibility, knowing what you are responsible for and what you are not responsible for.
Most people get stressed out at work (and in life) not because they have too much to do, but because they are allowing themselves to feel responsible for other people’s problems.
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
One time I told a director "you keep asking for things outside my scope" and he said "your job is whatever I say it is.". And I said "no, it doesn't work like that". Had a discussion with HR, issue went away.
Limp_Wind6552@reddit
Stop answering work phone off business hours. If they have your personal phone number, you're getting a new one.
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
Last year I moved all work stuff off my personal phone onto a dedicated phone.
Starting this week, that phone and my laptop stay in my office when I leave for the day.
Arudinne@reddit
Nah, just block their number.
Pyrostasis@reddit
Personally I work hard and then advocate for myself.
Its doubled my salary over the last 8 years and coming up on the triple mark. If you get more responsibilities then you should get compensated, if your work disagrees you add it to your resume and then transition to someone who values you more.
Its not always been easy to get that promotion and sometimes takes 6 - 12 months but it's worked well for me, but everyones mileage will vary.
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
Three years of begging then demanding to get promoted to the title to match the job I'd been doing for the whole time already. Now in the same boat again and the company replies with 🖕
I know I need to find another job, but I'm kind of stuck where I'm at for now.
JHolmesSlut@reddit
Honestly the whole don’t be a hero thing is kind of shitty, sure don’t work yourself to death but don’t be afraid to be passionate about your job and go the extra mile
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
It's when you go the extra mile for years only to get slapped down repeatedly that you really get tired of it.
I guess it is my passion for the job that's landed me here. I love this shit. I get enjoyment from doing what I do. TBH, it's the stupid politics that makes it feel like a job. If it wasn't for corporate b.s., it would basically be like I'm getting paid to have fun.
BonkeM@reddit
Happened to me a lot . Always think I would be rewarded for hard work. Eventually get put in situations that requires money. The pay is not enough, politics in the office . Resentment
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
The gorram politics. I do not understand why it has to be this way. It's so ridiculous.
Yeah, I think it's normal, and not unreasonable, to have the expectation that harder work will be rewarded. And it is sometimes. Other times, you realize your extra efforts have counted for exactly jack squat and then you make a reddit post trying to figure out how to walk it back.
Resentment. 101%
MrSmith317@reddit
I call that "being the guy". The guy always answers the call, the guy knows where everything is, the guy is always available to fix any problem (even ones that aren't their problem). The guy is a fucking doormat and I was the guy for 30 years. I didn't make any more money, I didn't get any of the promotions I should have. I refuse to be the guy any more.
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
Sounds like I'm only a few steps behind you.
e-motio@reddit
Idk man, I just like to work hard lol
I’m more concerned about how I’ll feel about throttling back, than how others will feel about it.
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
Me too, exactly. But I'm tired of giving them more than they're paying me for. It's very difficult for me to throttle back, was hoping for some tips in this post. LoL
jbhack@reddit
Haven’t you heard the reward for good work is…. More work.
Dear-Carpet4756@reddit
Use your hard work to serve you (do politics)
Try 80% 20% method 80% communication about the impact of what you are doing that and why.
20% IT Skills for making the work
Think IT as a business partner
I’m an IT technical guy (I really love that) and now I’m doing IAM because it is really focused on business and user identities (even machines identities for big companies). Since I understood that I’m really loved by the management and I got a better raise than every people this year.
Management and board don’t care about what you are doing technically. They want to know if the business is satisfied about the IT and if incidents are going down. Indeed, make the thing seriously and like the good work should be common sens for normal people.
Hope this help.
MaelstromFL@reddit
After 36 hours strait of fixing 8 critical and 31 user level system errors with me proving the "I" in team, they pulled the plug on the project... My exact words were, "Okay, but my boss is going to rip my balls off!". In a Tusedy morning meeting of about 20 people. (There was a smattering of gasps and giggles amongst the assembled.)
My boss actually told me to go home and not return till Thursday.
That was the last time I ever burned myself for the job!
Public_Warthog3098@reddit
You give them mixed signals. Never let them know your next move. Just be a hero when it matters.
ls--lah@reddit
I think this is important. Some replies here say about not staying late to put out a fire and I think that's wrong. As long as you're not doing it regularly, you should be a hero now and then. Ensure you remind your boss of it for the remainder of the week, in your 1:1, next performance review and on Friday drinks when it comes to who's buying the first round. But doing it everyday just sends the wrong message.
Public_Warthog3098@reddit
Depends on the fire. Document all the times you stayed late or went above and beyond. Use it to tell the next employer why they should hire you. Lol
CyberpunkOctopus@reddit
Do the documentation so someone can pick up a task with minimal knowledge. Document the risks and get the sign-offs so management takes the hit, not you, if something bad happens. Not your problem then if they don’t want to properly remediate the issue.
Ihaveasmallwang@reddit
Learn when to say no. No is an acceptable answer in a lot of situations.
vermyx@reddit
Never perform miracles - otherwise management will expect miracles to be the norm.
This is basically what my boss advised me recently. I was so used to pulling things through on insane timelines and budgets my boss saw this and sat me down and told me this. Keep this in mind.
Sasataf12@reddit
Learn how to say no. As simple as that really.
SikhGamer@reddit
Yes, but I'm open and honest about it. Hey, normally I would stay after 5pm to help you put out this fire. But recently I've been readjusting my work life balance, that was a direct action from my last pay review.
BrainWaveCC@reddit
You pace yourself from the beginning, that's how.
If you've failed to do that to start, then life is a whole lot harder, but you pull back gradually like a LiON battery.
That's your only option: increased boundaries, and a better cap on output -- implemented gradually.
Nothing. You just do your job, but you take 1-5% longer today than yesterday. You give deadlines that are padded 5-10% more today than yesterday.
You take everything in stride until you hit a place of equilibrium. No loud, boisterous objections.
KoalaOfTheApocalypse@reddit (OP)
Thanks.
ABotelho23@reddit
I understand how hard it can be to look at mediocrity and be satisfied. It's deeply unsatisfying.
vitaroignolo@reddit
Establish process in the interest of business alignment and continuity. From the beginning I've told my jobs that I'm doing things for the role, not for me. That means everything I do has an SOP written out for reference by me or others. Everything has a timeline and clear lines where my work stops and others' begins. This creates the boundaries.
You need to go back and standardize all the work you do. If your job sees that you're doing this to more clearly define the role rather than you trying to cut back your work, they won't hesitate as much. But SOP's come with restrictions as much as they come with guarantees. That means X process requires Y leadtime and as soon as X process encroaches on Z's domain, the work gets shifted to Z, not you. It requires buy-in from management but as long as they're not hopeless and you frame this as a consistency thing, you should be good.
Lastly, stick to it. If you're doing IAM work, you are not doing server builds. Show people that should be doing the work how to find answers instead of just giving it to them. And if you're high enough up the food chain, you are not answering direct messages for assistance but rather directing them to the proper channels to triage work (in my case that's our help desk).