ULPT request: neighbor blocks my vehicle from entering or leaving my house
Posted by CrissPDuck@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 106 comments
Let me set the context first. I live in a country where law and order is pretty meaningless. Only the wealthy and well-connected get justice or enforcement. Pretty standard third world banana republic shithole.
However, my home is in a (one of the few) nice areas of a (one of the few) decently livable city. There's a pavement approximately 20 feet wide between my front gate and the street in front of my house.
My neighbor recently built a two-story structure on the plot adjoining mine. Both floors have been rented out to two different businesses. My road is mixed use so residential and commercial use is permitted.
Neither the owner nor the two new tenants made any arrangements for parking. They knew this would be a commercial use structure and never planned for it.
My house has a short driveway connecting my front gate to the street. After the property next door was rented out, I've had vehicles parked on the street blocking my driveway almost every other day.
My family and I have been held up when we're in a hurry to leave or when we're coming home, tired at the end of the day. Most of the time, no one knows whose vehicle is blocking our driveway and by the time inquiries are made and the vehicle is moved, twenty minutes have gone by.
Like I said, the city and law enforcement are useless in my country. It will just turn into a bidding war to see who can bribe them more.
We have tried talking to them about this (including one rather heated confrontation), but nothing really changes.
The establishment on the ground floor is clearly preparing for a launch event tomorrow. True to their nature, they've encroached completely onto the pavement in front of their property with awnings, chairs and stuff for the event.
What can I do to disrupt the event tomorrow without causing property damage or bringing suspicion upon myself or my family members? I don't know if these guys are well connected politically, so I don't want anything to be traced back to me.
Brewcastle_@reddit
Lay down in the space and get your kid to draw a chalk outline around you.
Starkravingmad7@reddit
light the cars on fire. what are the cops going to do about it? nothing.
Nukegm426@reddit
Buy tire boots online and start booting vehicles blocking your property. Charge them to get them off.
Naughtaclue242@reddit
May be cheaper than a bribe in the long run, but buy a bunch of junker cars and fill the lot yourself. They will probably come over asking for cooperation if there is nowhere for their customers to park because of your fleet of beloved classic cars, right?
Ok_Strawberry_197@reddit
In Chicago, when people park where they shouldn't, private businesses and homes often put a huge (like a letter sized sticker) that is bright orange on the driver's side window. The sticker says WARNING and tells they they have parked illegally and that next time they will be towed. The sticky stuff on the back of this is horrid. It takes about 40 minutes to remove one (ask me how I know? And, thanks, University of Chicago) with hot water and a razor blade. You know what I have never done since? Park illegally anywhere near the University of Chicago. It's a huge pain and (once you've dealt with it) you warn people not to park there. It's an inexpensive thing to do that doesn't cause permanent damage. If it is legal where you are, it's more of a preventative thing, but it could be effective over time.
Small_Kahuna_1@reddit
You think the business across the street is going to bribe the cops for a parking space?
JustTheTip_Chill@reddit
"I love in a country where law and order are pretty much non-existent."
So the USA?
lokis_construction@reddit
Too true. Felonies do not stop anybody with money or influence.
px13@reddit
Automotive floor jack.
CrissPDuck@reddit (OP)
This would only hurt the customers of the two businesses next door. Not sure if they'd even come back.
It wouldn't hurt the proprietors at all.
TedW@reddit
It would only hurt the customers who block your driveway.
Mr_McShitty_Esq@reddit
Often war has civilian casualties. Just the way it is.
reijasunshine@reddit
Think bigger picture! Angry customer posts online, maybe it happens to a few of them. Word gets out. Business craters and shuts down. You win!
BloodyJack@reddit
Not sure about the event, but on an ongoing basis, can you throw some cement in a few buckets with some poles sticking out with signs that say “No parking” and place them in the street in front of your gate? A pain to deal with but easier than trying to track down a car’s owner
Or, maybe a motion activator sprinkler pointed at the spot? For you just driving through it into and out of your gate, you won’t care, but anyone parking there won’t want to get out and get soaked.
CrissPDuck@reddit (OP)
Ooh the sprinkler one is good.
I've thought of getting large planters or bollards but I'd have to (technically) place them in the street, since the entry into my driveway is from the street and the these guys park on the street (across the entrance to my driveway). That is illegal (on paper) and it could come back to me if anyone in the neighborhood made it worth the local cops' while to punish me for it.
LGeorgeRox@reddit
They’re are deer sprinklers in the US that are motion sensored. Perhaps you could find something along those lines
Madder_Than_Diogenes@reddit
A guy here in Australia recently did a similar thing: https://youtu.be/IR5W1vFt3xo?si=-tKfSQbtYyQ6a6bR
At about 45 seconds in you will see in the background how he has arranged the sprinkler on the wall to give you a bit of an idea if it's a feasible idea for you to pursue.
Blurgas@reddit
This is the first time I've seen that guy mentioned where the video clearly states the sprinkler is remote controlled.
Other times it's just the security camera footage posted so most comments think it's automatic
ATLien_3000@reddit
I understood at least some of those words.
Tess408@reddit
He did such a good job with that. Legend.
TitanKnight_Gotham@reddit
motion sprinkler idea is brilliant. add a cheap trail cam too so you have evidence when they inevitably complain
BloodyJack@reddit
Or maybe some huge rocks or cement blocks that you can place where they park that leaves only a spot wide enough to drive a car through?
Particular-Tax8106@reddit
What if you park your car there and block your own driveway?
CrissPDuck@reddit (OP)
We try to box in the vehicles as often as possible. But we can't do it all day, every day. We have things to do and places to be.
It's got to the point where once every couple days, our driveway is partially or fully blocked when we come back home in the evening or are looking to leave during the day.
KahurangiNZ@reddit
Buy an old munter vehicle with huge bullbars that you don't care about. Leave it parked in the drive with a large sign on it saying 'Parking Violation Solution', and scatter some pieces of broken lights, glass, trim etc near the edge of the drive.
As a final resort, use it as a battering ram to shove offending vehicles out of the way. Not because you meant to, of course - you were just in a massive hurry because of a serious emergency, and you tried really hard not to hit that car, but whoops, I guess sometimes accidents happen.
broken_softly@reddit
I lived in a quadplex for a few months. The neighbor’s party guests kept parking in my assigned spot and I would be forced to park further away and walk home around midnight as at 19 years old.
My solution was simple. Canned Rediwhip under the door handles of the trespassing cars. One go and I didn’t have any more problems. Inconvenience doesn’t have to be loud. People should be considerate.
That said, maybe not the solution for you. You will be suspect number one.
JCBashBash@reddit
My vote is on you getting an extremely loud portable speaker and a megaphone, hooking the two up and so if you find someone parked in your driveway, you walk up the public sidewalk and stand in front of that business and shout until someone comes and gets the vehicle
JCBashBash@reddit
And not just shouting, play car alarms, extremely shrill and annoying dance music. Make yourself so annoying that cannot ignore you
bwest_69@reddit
Valve stem core remover
JCBashBash@reddit
Or shove a pebble in there
NominalHorizon@reddit
Just force a lentil seed into the stem. No permanent damage that way, but message sent.
buffybot232@reddit
You should start bribing the traffic police to get these cars towed.
CrissPDuck@reddit (OP)
That's always been Plan B, but the chances of this turning into a bidding war are very real.
Let me explain how the cops in my country work. A friend of a friend had a diamond business. An employee stole diamonds worth ~2.5 million USD and was on the run. The cops said it would be impossible to find them because they'd escaped into the rural heartland of the country. The businessmen then offered the cops 10% of the value of diamonds recovered. The cops found and arrested the absconding (ex)employees in a day or two. Turns out, the thieves had offered the cops ~200k USD. The cops knew where they were and arrested them when the businessmen unwittingly offered more.
JCBashBash@reddit
I mean that's fine if it turns into a bidding, because if the business owners want to pay the cops to not help you, that means that there is a cost they are incurring, And you are wanting to hurt them so hurt their wallet
akillerofjoy@reddit
I used to live In a country just like yours. In your situation, the best course of action is a scenario called “a series of unfortunate events”. This will work, but you need to be 100% clear-headed, cool, calm and collected. Sabotaging a vehicle is child’s play. Doing it without having fingers pointed at you requires a bit of thinking. Ultimate win is when at the end of the day he thanks you for the help with the problem you’ve created. So, get creative.
CrissPDuck@reddit (OP)
This would be good, but the vehicles all belong to customers of the two businesses next door and not to the businesses' proprietors.
Sabotaging random vehicles would just annoy a random customer who may or may not return and wouldn't hurt the proprietors.
JCBashBash@reddit
You said there are no parking signs, so it's not like these are random victims. They see your signs and are ignoring you. And if they don't come back that's one less person you have to worry about blocking your driveway
onepanto@reddit
Put up some "no parking, violators will be towed" signs. Then contact a local towing company and keep them on speed dial. They'll be your best friend if you keep sending them business.
Also, get a pack of the very difficult to remove parking violation stickers from Amazon. Slap one on each car's windshield. Eventually people will learn to not park there.
Hot-Win2571@reddit
Yup. The customers of the business will not like having to scrape a sticker off their window. They'll remember that business poorly.
shoulda-known-better@reddit
If the business is okay with their customers parking in your driveway.... Why do you care???
Do you care about your driveway that you pay good money for..... Or the business who won't tell customers not to park in your driveway???
I don't get it
Tess408@reddit
Are there Google and yelp reviews that you could add to?
CrissPDuck@reddit (OP)
Yep. I've been doing that under throwaways so that they don't know it's me.
ChunkyWombat7@reddit
It does if they stop coming to the business because bad things happened to their cars, and they let other people know to avoid the place.
Mr_Style@reddit
Start with a NO PARKING sign.
They have tow trucks in your country right?
CrissPDuck@reddit (OP)
I have a no parking sign. It's always ignored. We do have tow trucks, but citizens don't have the right to get private vehicles towed. On paper, the correct procedure is to intimate the traffic police and have them tow vehicles away.
soul_motor@reddit
Would the two company be open to having the rights to tow? We have a couple of two companies that basically drive around and two cars from lots they have a business relationship with. If it's not on the list of approved cats, or the owner calls to have it towed, they're there pretty quickly.
Gen_JohnsonJameson@reddit
Couldn't you hire a random person to pretend to be the owner of the offending vehicle, and they would call the tow truck and say "My car has broken down, can you tow it to the repair garage across town?"
Hot-Win2571@reddit
Does your location have zoning code? Are there requirements for commercial buildings to consider parking? Maybe you can file complaints against the owners for not following parking requirements, and mess up their future attempts to make changes at any of their properties.
CrissPDuck@reddit (OP)
Yea we have zoning codes. I'm a lawyer, I know the process. But, like I said, zero enforcement and lots of corruption. My neighbor has probably bribed the zoning office for his permit. They will not do anything unless I bribe them more or file a petition with the High Court, which will be stuck in limbo for half a decade.
Hot-Win2571@reddit
Install sturdy posts near the entrance, and a sturdy chain which you can lock across the entrance. Leave it open usually. When you notice an illegal parker, secure the chain across your driveway. Call traffic police.
Is there a procedure for you to deal with an abandoned vehicle on your property? Report it to DMV, break in and inventory the contents, put it up for auction?
Hot-Win2571@reddit
Are you allowed to operate a private parking lot? Charge for parking. Can you put a "boot" on violators?
Hot-Win2571@reddit
Keep reporting to the traffic police. They'll know that they can check that spot to probably find a violator.
shoulda-known-better@reddit
What county
Tronracer@reddit
Add enough signs that make it obvious and obnoxious. NO PARKING, ACTIVE DRIVEWAY, TOW AWAY ZONE
M
fingers@reddit
Can you just park in front of your own driveway for the day?
Granadafan@reddit
Hiu said there's not much law or enforcement. Talk to a towing company about making easy money and/ for pay them to be on call for quickly towing cars
Redit12-@reddit
I’m not sure what is possible where you live. My suggestions:Put up a fence with a locking gate to your driveway . The taller the fence the better and try to make sure it would take much effort to climb over it. Leave the gate locked after you leave and then after you return. Put up no trespassing signs. If they still block you have their vehicle towed.Hire an attorney to write a letter to the landlord stating you will pursue legal remedies if this behavior doesn’t stop immediately.
kevinh456@reddit
Become good friends with a tow truck driver. Offer them 1x10\^x currency units where 'x' comes out to roughly $100. Charge car owners 2x10\^x currency units to tell them the name of the towing company.
Gen_JohnsonJameson@reddit
Why can't you yourself park there for a month or so? After a month they will have figured out some other arrangement.
Nugasaki@reddit
Wire your car horn to honk continuously.
winkers@reddit
Is the ground in the area paved and level? If so then buy 4 car dolly jacks. You just slip them under the wheels and step on the handle. Doing it 4 times takes <5 minutes. Then just push the cars out of the way and drop them in the road or where ever.
Hattonman@reddit
This is the way. It's genius! There are these things that are square and on wheels that you can jack the car up and slide them under the wheel. Do it four times, push the car out of the way and block their entrance. Drive away! So it enough, maybe they will take the hint!
NominalHorizon@reddit
Buy a small trailer you can move by hand. Get it licensed and registered. Park it in front of your driveway. You will have to move it every time you go in or out, but no one else would be able to park there.
dukeofgibbon@reddit
Call the businesses, let them know a tow truck is on the way for their customers. Every. Time.
Paint stripes on the road.
Dossi96@reddit
You could set up a sign that parking costs like 50$/h. When a car parks there take their license plates and leave a note where they can get it back... after they paid the price for parking of course.
Low-Cardiologist9406@reddit
There's a concoction you can make with nettles (I'm not sure if these will be available to you as I'm in the UK) and water - literally just put nettles into a big tub with water and pop in a lid. It's a half decent fertiliser but it stinks really bad once it's got going. Clandestinely spraying the shop ground, cars etc will put people off.
thewinterfan@reddit
Talk to the local hood rats and tell em some people with money and fancy watches will be walking to the car. If they time it right, they can take the car too.
Mr_McShitty_Esq@reddit
Talk to the local hood rats, explain the problem, offer 'em some dough, & tell them to be creative.
CherokeePurple@reddit
Caltrops
Mr_McShitty_Esq@reddit
Caltrops - For when you absolutely, positively want to make a point.
warm_melody@reddit
Get a bunch of stuff that is really stinky and put it in/around your driveway. As close to their store entrance...
NotMalaysiaRichard@reddit
None of these things is going to solve any issues. You’ll get caught and there’ll be repercussions. Just do the only unethical thing that makes sense, pay a big bribe, bigger than what your neighbors can afford.
lemme_just_say@reddit
This isn’t really financially sustainable either though.
NullGWard@reddit
In California, we have people who keep an extra (cheap) car on the street, just to reserve a parking space by keeping other people from parking there. This works best if there are two people, with the second person moving the spare car just for a few minutes when you need to use the driveway.
lemme_just_say@reddit
I was thinking the same thing! Get a beater car. It’s a pain to move it each time but OP would have control over it and it’s probably quicker in the end.
No_Educator_6376@reddit
I would set outside in the driveway with a pitcher of water and a cash box and sell parking in the driveway and make it expensive to piss off the customers. It’s your driveway and it’s free enterprise at work!
onepanto@reddit
$40/half hour.
fixit858@reddit
Child’s play: increase by 10x
Interesting-Long-534@reddit
Paid up front!
No_Educator_6376@reddit
Excellent my dude !
Obvious_Extreme7243@reddit
what's wrong with the standard piss disks and liquid ass? though if you didn't want to get caught, do you have a hunting store where you can buy fox urine or something similar instead so it smells more like it could be natural? also stink bombs of various kinds might work
x_lincoln_x@reddit
Buy a tow truck, tow offending vehicles somewhere random. When asked where their vehicle went, tell them to get fucked.
Scragglymonk@reddit
install a lockable gate / bollard / chain
CrissPDuck@reddit (OP)
I can't. The entrance is from the public street. We don't own the land between my front gate and the street.
These guys park on the street across the start of my driveway.
Scragglymonk@reddit
shit on the windscreen or smear the shit on the wiper blades
walk up the bonnet, over the roof and jump on the roof, repeat until moved
Krapmeister@reddit
Install a couple of folding bollards.
psilocydonia@reddit
Buy a floor Jack and wheel dollys. Raise the car, place the dollies beneath, then push it away.
livelifeless@reddit
Piss disk? Right guys?
BraveCranberry9863@reddit
Of course.
Draigdwi@reddit
In this case it may actually work. Not a disc but a ball to throw into the event space while it’s still dark outside.
Hamsternoir@reddit
There should be a rule on this sub.
Don't post until you've used a piss disk
teachthisdognewtrick@reddit
Time to spread some really smelly fertilizer around the end of the driveway.
Dolgar01@reddit
Put up a sign saying ‘warning! High crime area. 58 cars vandalised or stolen in this area last month’
If possible, do a Google search for car thefts/vandalisation in your city and use that figure. It’s not a lie (the phase ‘this area’ is nicely vague) but will put people off parking there.
onepanto@reddit
I wonder how their guests would like to listen to baby shark all day at full volume?
fingers@reddit
Get road construction signs, cones, saw horse. https://www.dornbossign.com/product_images/uploaded_images/wholesale-signs-for-construction-sites.jpg
fingers@reddit
Get a canvas that is the same color as the road. Glue broken bottles and trash to it. Stake it on the grass and lay it in front of your driveway on the road.
fingers@reddit
Hire some homeless guys to come set up camp there. Since the landlord doesn't value property, neither should you. They set up camp on your ramp and hang out in the street.
Feed them.
They move when you want to drive in and out of your own driveway. They will be your personal guards.
Jmckeown2@reddit
Park your own car there.
penywisexx@reddit
Bird seed over the driveway and everything around it, the birds will shit everywhere. Nobody wants to be shit on or their cars to be shit on. They’ll quit parking there and quit visiting the businesses soon enough.
Draigdwi@reddit
As the event is tomorrow you don’t have much time. Can you get fox urine (sold in hunting shops) or similar? Liquid ass if you can get internet orders fast enough. Soak their event space in it. Be aware there might be cameras. The customers will run and obviously drive away their cars from your driveway.
EudamonPrime@reddit
Since you said that law enforcement doesn't really exist, how about some mediation with Mr Kneecap and Mr Iron Bar?
BeastlyBobcat@reddit
Any chance you could paint the street so say no parking and make it look official? Or could you relocate a city “no parking” sign in front of your house? Other than that, try to make it physically impossible to park there with homemade concrete barriers.
Ok_Weekend_8457@reddit
Hire a tow-truck driver to pull up next to the vehicle and then walk in the business and ask for the driver of the car. Enough times, and the business will start warning people not to park there.
Ok_Weekend_8457@reddit
Put up a sign that says “no parking - police access 24/7 - violators will be towed” or whatever sounds right for your country. Clearly state a fictitious and high but believable fine. Paint the street-adjacent edge of the driveway red, or even the street itself, like a cross-hatched block. Make it look official.
The police will likely appreciate the free help since they don’t have to paint or install signs themselves, and will probably overlook the lie on the sign.
Far-Street9848@reddit
I think the idea of sitting out there and charging for parking is probably a great idea for the event specifically.
Part of the problem that makes this difficult in the long term is that it sounds like it won’t be the same car or people parking there every day - that means you can’t effectively “send a message” to solve the problem, because it’s different people all of the time. This means you need a semi-permanent solution, like a sign, or a physical barrier that you can movie and put back.
obtusesavant@reddit
Can you rent a bulldozer? Park it in your driveway, let them imagine whatever implications.