ULPT for handling a large amount of cash found abandoned or lost
Posted by throwaway420004@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 101 comments
I know someone who once found a bag with $20k in it and turned it in. It’s an older relative. When asked why, he said you can get charged if the law finds out you found the money.
So, it got me wondering. Let’s say I find a bag with 10 million bucks cash in it. How could someone use it to pay off their debts and buy some luxuries without raising any suspicion?
TemporaryBitchFace@reddit
Buy smaller than $10,000 items with cash and a fake name.
coccopuffs606@reddit
How “found”? Like a bag in the woods, or . was it plastered into the wall of their house? Because I’d be concerned about the original owners coming back for it, or if it was loot from a bank robbery…
Assuming those aren’t risks, just use it on small transactions like groceries or gas; don’t do something like show up at a hot tub dealership and pay all cash
throwaway420004@reddit (OP)
It is hilarious to me that you chose hot tub dealership for this example
saldb@reddit
Win it at a casino. Get a couple g of chips. Play a little. Cash it out. Spread between casinos. I’m a seasoned launderer because I watched Everglades or whatever it’s called
jaxxon@reddit
Fine. Water bed store, then.
BrilliantDismal5538@reddit
Get in the car Elizabeth. 🤣
Remarkable-Exit-8780@reddit
Remember that cash transactions over $10k are supposed to be reported to the irs by the business. This includes if you make multiple transactions that add up to >$10k and the business has a reasonable belief that the multiple transactions are to avoid the limit.
ihansterx4i@reddit
Haha sounds like you do “something” where you get paid cash and trying to figure out a way to use it. You can “wash” it buy buying a business that deals in cash and fake orders and pay your business with the cash like a laundromat or something. Or you can start offering people cash to pay for things. You can deposit up 10k in cash at your local bank without getting flagged. A lot of “luxuries” will allow you to buy items in cash. Or you can always buy these luxuries “used” for cash. Make sure you do something good with that drug money too every once in a while.
throwaway420004@reddit (OP)
Yea like lawncare or something. Easy LLC to move cash through
whatsbobgonnado@reddit
wait is that why my coke plug has a lawncare business??
AbruptMango@reddit
No, that's to explain the wood chipper.
throwaway420004@reddit (OP)
Absolutely. I used to do lawncare as a second job and nobody comes asking questions so long as you’re not making a million deposits. We never made any at all
bigmilker@reddit
Suspicious Activity Report could could kick in before the $9999 mandatory report does depending on the bank/staff
Atworkwasalreadytake@reddit
If you have a lawncare company, you deposit more than the $9999 and call it revenue.
UnderCoverSquid@reddit
Actually, an SAP can be filed for any amount under $9,999 if the person depositing that money seems suspicious…
bigmilker@reddit
Yup
Reconsct@reddit
Also, get into buying “art”.
KoreaMatrix@reddit
the laundromat method is basically money laundering 101 (hence the name lol). structuring deposits under 10k is called smurfing and banks flag patterns anyway. honestly the IRS cares more about unreported income than where it came from... they literally have a line for 'illegal income' on tax forms. not that im advocating anything here just saying their algorithm is pretty sophisticated
ihansterx4i@reddit
Yea a friend of mine who did “something” where he got laid a lot of cash filed his taxes saying he was a stripper and just claimed a lot of cash. No questions asked by the IRS as long as he paid his share.
fairfield293@reddit
Lmao. Imagine getting audited and being asked to strip.
ihansterx4i@reddit
🤣
nochinzilch@reddit
Just pay the tax on the money. You don’t have to report the source, and even if asked, you just tell them you operate a cash business and don’t collect names. Just report a plausible amount of income, take a plausible amount of deductions, and pay the tax. The money is essentially free anyway. Most problems in life stem from being greedy.
fairfield293@reddit
Ya but declaring that'll put you into a tax bracket you may not be able to get out of the next year. Make 10 mil one year, and 80k the next? What's this cool giant letter that almost won't fit in my mailbox?
Miserable-Miser@reddit
Top tax rate is 37%. So, with our progressive tax system, you’d owe about $3.5 million. Leaving $6.5 million.
whatsbobgonnado@reddit
that's probably easier than washing 10 mil
fireduck@reddit
Yeah...it sucks to have to do an ACH to the IRS for over a million dollars but if you are paying that much it means you made a lot more than that.
I think there should just be a rewards programs. Like I should be able to sleep in any federal building.
OracleofFl@reddit
$6.5 million and you sleep like a baby with no worries of an IRS investigation. Hell of a deal to me.
OriginalIronDan@reddit
And move. Someone is going to come looking for that money!
Shivin302@reddit
And you can do it over multiple years to only have an effective tax rate of 20%
Miserable-Miser@reddit
20% would be like $50k/yr for … 200 years.
Stubborn_Amoeba@reddit
$10M also takes up a huge amount of space. Breaking bad covered this pretty well when they had that issue.
JimmyTheDog@reddit
In hundreds, it's about the equivalent volume of 12 or 13 cases of 24, 473 ml. beers... One million in hundreds is slightly larger than a 24 of large beer cans.
Half_Life976@reddit
You seem in the know. What weighs more? The $1 million in paper money or the case if beer?
Psilynce@reddit
Hah, I've heard this one! It's the pound of feathers.
drapehsnormak@reddit
Because of the guilt.
SaneIsOverrated@reddit
All bills are a gram, 1mil would weigh bout 10kg (22lbs) and take up ~.45m^3 (~16.3ft^3)
A 24 case weighs about 18lbs. I was going to finish this by googl8ng the dimensions of 24pack but all I got was nonsensical AI slop articles and now I'm pissed off.
RoundtheMountainJigs@reddit
Sounds like you’re gonna be looking up “how to launder money” at some point. 😅
throwaway420004@reddit (OP)
I’d never Google that.
I’ll post that question here!
pcny54@reddit
It wouldn't be in a bag. 10 million in twenties would weigh about 1100 lbs. If you were lucky enough to find it in $100 dollar bills, it would weigh about 220 lbs. So after your hernia surgery....
fairfield293@reddit
I get paid in cash a lot. But "medium" ticket items in cash. Not a car. A lawnmower. Not a speedboat. A dishwasher. These are semi risky, but spaced out enough won't attract any attention.
If you are going on VK, convert the cash to foreign currency at the airport. Cover all your meals, drinks, trips, with that.
As someone mentioned, under the table services are good ie lawn care, babysitter, snow removal, cleaning services. Classes. Stuff that if you were to ever get audited there wouldn't be much tangible evidence.
knowsbetta@reddit
Casinos are your friend here.
Hypothetically, you could slowly put the money through a series of casinos over time.
You will lose ~5% but the money out will be clean and legitimately yours.
addyix@reddit
i have a clothing business you should check it out maybe buy some things and we do full returns!
dirtymoney@reddit
Get loans and slowly pay them off with the money
Spaceseeker51@reddit
Make sure you take notes from No Country For Old Men on what not to do.
LOUDCO-HD@reddit
Especially…..stay away from unibrowed dudes carrying blunderbusses.
FakeAsFakeCanBe@reddit
I told you. I ain't got no agua.
cleverissexy@reddit
Do NOT go back to the place you found the money!
No_Bluejay9901@reddit
Flip the coin
Spaceseeker51@reddit
Wwwwwhat?
Due_Background_9500@reddit
You found a bag with 9 million dollars in it? Well done! I suppose you should hand it in to the relevant trustworthy authority.
spinonesarethebest@reddit
No, it only had 8 million in it.
BrazosBuddy@reddit
You better turn in that 7 million to local authorities.
throwaway420004@reddit (OP)
lol I didn’t but what trustworthy? I’m not anti cop but come on. It wouldn’t matter if that money never got claimed you’re never seeing it again
_i_draw_bad_@reddit
Off shore Cayman Island LLC. Then purchase the luxury items through the LLC
Half_Life976@reddit
Thus us THE answer!
Cosmohumanist@reddit
Amen
BottenRasterd@reddit
The first thing you should buy is a gym membership. $10M in $100 bills weighs around 220 lbs... It would also be a pretty big "bag"...more like a really big suitcase
Economy-Flounder4565@reddit
you could wait until a family member or parent dies. then deposit it all at once. You found an envelope of cash under their mattress. You don't know where it came from.
EducationalOutcome26@reddit
saint walter showed us the way, buy a cash based business that you dont have to deal with much, car wash, laundromat, vending machines, for a while there in the 80s and 90's a video game business was the deal to have. all cash, had a good year, those kids love the video games dont they.
KellyTata@reddit
But how do you buy a business in cash? Wouldn’t the irs be curious how someone with a low paying job suddenly had hundreds of thousands lying around to buy a carwash?
picklemechburger@reddit
The business is given to you. The cash transaction never gets recorded on the books.
taekee@reddit
This is overtaking it. Start with 3 months paying all expenses in cash to build legitimate savings. Then purchase a bunch of studd at Sam's, or with, and tent. Next purchase space at a farmers market. Male bank on paper. In 2-3months purchase a vinyl press and cutter. New business model on paper, they bring their own shirts and pay you to cut vinyl and press on shirts. Only inventory is vinyl. Now you can br a cash business, very little overhead.
picklemechburger@reddit
You're not going to hide 10m with a farmers market.
taekee@reddit
Start there to justify the money for a bigger business that can get a better cash profit. Also, think long term, you do not need it all in the bank over night.
picklemechburger@reddit
Yup, lotsa thinking involved huh?
i-piss-excellence32@reddit
Not with that attitude
picklemechburger@reddit
Maybe a cocaine farmer?
ShrimpSherbet@reddit
Organ farmer
i-piss-excellence32@reddit
There you go
Jessnesquik@reddit
That's to buy the cash washing business
picklemechburger@reddit
What about the change? It'll tear up the washer and dryer though.
Atworkwasalreadytake@reddit
You don’t buy the business with cash. You buy it with debt. SBA financing to be exact.
If you don’t have any down payment saved, you just start saving for the next year. It’s easy to save when you use cash to pay for everything except rent and utilities.
Thegreencooperative@reddit
I used to do come up with creative ways for folks in cash heavy businesses to get their money into the banks without raising flags. I enjoyed it alot for a bit. Before it got messy.
Easiest way is to start a business with a ghost LLC, hire a crackhead to go to the bank and couple times a week, have him put a decent amount of the cash into the bank (10k cap in act or less, increments of $600 or less). Then employ yourself full time, list yourself as an employee of the company, and log every payment you make (pay yourself with the cash that’s in the bank, and continue putting cash into the bank to replace the money you pay yourself with). Then find people who are happy to receive “services” for free. You write it up as you’re taking big payments from those people for said services. You employ crackheads to provide said services, while you “foreman” from a truck with A/C (which the company buys for you); and you enter more of the cash into the bank under the LLC as payments from customers. You do so until you’ve had enough business to deserve credit offers.
Then you leverage your own cash to get credit. You buy homes outright once you have enough capital. Then you pivot from providing services and you put your on the house(s) and start renovating them. Best bet is to buy inner city repos that need a lot of cosmetic work but have decent bones (structural, roof, hvac & electrical all good). Then you start renting those houses at 10-20% below market value. Ask for rent to be paid in cash. Create a property maintenance company, split some employees off, have them do property maintenance on the houses you own.
Boom, now you’re able to spend that cash 10 different ways. You’re doing property maintenance for yourself which is an influx for the cash into the banks. You’re able to spend the cash on home repairs so that you can increase the value of your properties without raising flags or spending the clean money you got. All the crackheads you’re employing you can pay with cash from the ghost LLC, so that’s also increasing your credit limit. You’re getting consistent “bonuses” from home owners for great service, and that’s another influx for the cash.
Eventually you can develop enough clean capital and accumulate more ghost LLC’s to where you can get into commercial properties like small apt complexes, strip centers, and other kinds of properties. And that’s when you can move bigger amounts of cash. When you own commercial properties, you can also own the business that are in those properties. At that point it’s best to step away from wherever the money is coming from because at that point you’ll have the ability to work with everyday people. And since all those businesses are paying themselves, and making quite a bit at it, all the “dirty” money you’ve accumulated will eventually get washed. And there’s no reason to continue both avenues when there’s plenty of money to be made once you’ve developed a nice and substantial “clean” capital base.
_i_draw_bad_@reddit
So how Trump made his money
UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit
Your post or comment was removed for violating rule 12: No politics.
soundofthecolorblue@reddit
Give a crackhead a hundreds or thousands of dollars. Sounds like airtight financial planning to me.
Thegreencooperative@reddit
If you offer to buy them a motel, and some food, and leave them money for their drugs. They’re surprisingly loyal. Just don’t give them ways to fuck you over and they won’t.
equality4everyonenow@reddit
If you really run into this unlikely scenario, consider buying some precious metals or some other commodity that appreciates and keeps from many different sources so you don't lose so much money to inflation for all the years it takes you to do this
Doublestack00@reddit
20K is SO easy to never get noticed.
Literally just start buying all your gas/groceries etc with cash. No one will ever notice.
Over the next year or so, deposit the money you'd normally spend on those into your savings account.
Shivin302@reddit
20k is free rent if you pay with money orders
throwaway420004@reddit (OP)
That’s what I thought too! Like come on buddy
sahmizad@reddit
Start a laundromat. Wash some fictitious laundry.
stonetemplefox@reddit
Memorize the basic strategy for blackjack. Hit the casino and get $100 in chips from your bank account and $200 to $1,200 in chips from the honey pot. Once a week gamble with it and every time you win put it in a different pocket. Don't get cute and try counting cards.
Basic strategy has a 51% success rate. Casino chips have sensors to indicate if they've been gambled with. $5m worth of clean money is better than $10m of dirty money.
Optimal_Law_4254@reddit
Watch “No Country for Old Men”. Druggies will always send someone after that kind of money. Always.
Where did you say you live again?
river_tree_nut@reddit
Well…you’d buy an apartment in Trump tower!
UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit
Your post or comment was removed for violating rule 12: No politics.
theguineapigssong@reddit
Anyone who finds a million dollars in a bag needs to read Bo Country For Old Men & A Simple Plan before they make a decision.
packetfire@reddit
Social gambling is legal in most states. One who reports cash winnings from social gambling must pay taxes, but you can take 20 years to report the $10 million and there by have $500K above and beyond your regular paycheck without much complexity or trouble. The problem is that currency gets redesigned often these days, so at some point you are going to have "old currency" that may be different from the current version of the bills.
Another approach would be to "buy chips" at a casino in large, but not eyebrow-raising amounts, say $3K per day. Gamble a bit, lose about 10%, cash out. Report your "winnings" to IRS, and pay taxes on the 90% you cashed out. You now have a full-time gambling job that pays $900K per year for 10 years, and the casino reporting threshold is like $5K, so you never take more than $3K in or take out more than $3K, so you are a consistent "loyal customer" at the casino, and they even start to comp you on a few things, even if you only lose $300 of the $3K you were "playing".
Sleazyridr@reddit
The most important thing is to not get greedy. Going out for a nice dinner and paying cash won't raise anyone's suspicions, buying a Ferrari with cash will make people start asking questions.
throwaway420004@reddit (OP)
I’m not a Ferrari kinda person. Ima pay off all my debts and own a boat and a camper type of person
im-just-here-to-nut@reddit
With all of these recommendations, take things slow. Patiently transition that cash into wealth.
Lebsian@reddit
Send to me. I make everything okay. Its good deal, you should take it.
Schickie@reddit
Go to Costco, buy gold.
MyyWifeRocks@reddit
You could create a paper company. Something like a landscaping or lawn care, power washing - easy accounting businesses (nothing with inventory). You do very few actual transactions and you create a shit ton of fake customers that paid you cash. It’s easy to fake sell services and even fake pay imaginary employees as long as everything is cash or 1099.
poorly_timed_leg0las@reddit
Eventually someone will come knocking and say show me your assets.
MyyWifeRocks@reddit
By then you have assets to show. And if you have a good accountant, your books look clean.
cabridges@reddit
For smaller amounts, put most but not all of it in a suitcase lined with Snoopy wallpaper. Turn it in. No one will be able to properly identify it (wrong amount, wrong container) and eventually you’ll get it back, minus fees and taxes.
throwaway420004@reddit (OP)
lol bro you ain’t getting it back if you turn it into police. Ain’t no way, that money will be gone
Embarrassed_Flan_869@reddit
No one is just leaving $10 mil in cash laying around. I would be much more concerned about who's money it is than the government.
Realistically, for smaller amounts, you can use it as cash. Get bank checks to pay for things. Deposit small amounts. Etc. The key thing is taxes. The government doesn't care how you earned the money, they just want their cut.
The smartest way is do a regular deposit and pay taxes at the end of the year with a reasonable amount. Think up to 50k. You worked mowing lawns. Handyman work. You get the idea. Fill out the paperwork, lose/pay 30% in taxes, money is clean. You could even say gambling.
PmMeAnnaKendrick@reddit
assuming the bills aren't somehow marked, spend cash on anything you can, But never more than the IRS 9,999 cash transaction reporting limit.
throwaway420004@reddit (OP)
See I was thinking money orders too. However, they are usually restricted to $1000 per order and often restricted by how many you can do.