My mum's got diagnosed with ovarian cancer today, and I'm lost. What questions do I ask the medical team?

Posted by According-Cloud6696@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 41 comments

Basically, mum had a fall a week or so ago & went to A&E. She was checked over, given bandaids etc and sent home. We thought that was it, but then she stared having abdominal pains. The pains would come and go, and she could still drive to work & back, but she had to give up agency work (she's a nurse) for a while. She went to the GP & local hospital - they basically refused to give her an x-ray (apparently her symptoms weren't bad enough), gave her some prescriptions and sent her off.

Well today she went to the main hospital in our area- they ran all sorts of tests, including the CRP test- which came back really high. Off she went to do a CT scan, and she got the diagnosis after.

She's been asked to go back tomorrow for an upper body CT scan (to check if it's spread), tumor markers test & a biopsy. Then, we should get the final results in a few weeks or so. I'm going with her (obviously), and I want to know what questions to ask the doctors & nurses. Bear in mind that these are the 'general' medical staff, and we will not be meeting the oncologists/specialists until all results have come back & we know what exactly is going on.

My head is reeling to be honest, I've cried over the past three hours going over what-ifs & what plans we need to make. Mum's only 62 y.o, she's been the rock of the family. It's just dad, her & myself for the most part - we have a few family friends, but mum has always been the social butterfly in the family. I unfortunately lost touch with most of my mates (growing older etc) & it's quite difficult making new friends the older you get.

However tomorrow & the next few weeks turn out, I'll have to take on the role of cooking, paying the mortgage (alongside other expenses I already help with) & looking after her. She'll most likely be taking long term sick leave (we are looking at surgery & chemotherapy, best case scenario). Dad's in his 70s, and works security jobs when he can. Plus he's got long term illnesses (not cancer, thank God) and he doesn't drive. So it will be up to me mostly, and I'm terrified. I can't even think of how I will discuss this change with my manager. And I haven't even touched on how scared I feel of tomorrow's test results. I thought I would have 20 more years with mum (minimum). I thought she would be healthy for a long while yet, but this has been a shock.

Sorry about the rant, I guess I needed to get this off my chest. My question was - what questions should I ask the medical staff tomorrow while the tests are taking place?

TLDR - mum's been diagnosed with cancer & is due to have the second round of tests tomorrow. What questions should I ask the medical team?