How to deal with CEO’s inappropriate comments?

Posted by hahdkdoa@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 41 comments

Hi,

I (23F) work remotely for a small company in the UK where the founder/my manager (51M) has started making me really uncomfortable.

Worked here for 2.5 years and based in England.

There were a few comments in the past I brushed off, but recently things have escalated and I now feel sick most days.

Although it’s remote, we have regular work events (every week) & I’m in calls with him on a daily basis, often 1:1 calls.

Some examples of his behaviour:

• ⁠Sexual references e.g., telling me about a sex toy prank he saw online, referring to a mid 20s woman as a “challenge” when discussing being attracted to her • ⁠Commenting on age gap relationships and asking for my opinion on them. Stating young girls are increasingly drawn to older men as they provide them with stability. • ⁠Getting very close to me at times, such as reaching around me or walking close by me, even though there’s plenty of room. Continues to do this even after I take a big step back. • ⁠Strangely intense compliments about minor things (such as complimenting me on how I set up very basic equipment & making domestic innuendos) • ⁠Calling me “boring” if I don’t agree to something such as discussing other colleagues’ private business • ⁠Making a joke (in front of colleagues) about me taking a guy back to my room because I was friendly with him

I’ve been challenging him back but I worry he enjoys it, so I’ve also tried shutting him down in a more obvious way, but he continues no matter what.

We don’t have HR unfortunately, so that’s not an option. Can anyone help with what I can do to protect myself?

Thanks so much!

[-]

YourStupidInnit@reddit

Call ACAS

dbxp@reddit

The police aren't going to handle this, it's a civil issue

It sounds like the definition of Sexual Harassment to me. And I would advise going to the police. But thanks for your input.

Sexual harasment itself is part of civil and employment law so OP would have to open a legal case against them, the police won't handle it. Sexual assault, stalking and indecent exposure however are part of criminal law so the police should respond to them.

AbleFlamingo732@reddit

Tell him clearly in writing that he’s making you feel uncomfortable and you’d prefer him to keep conversations, and his distance from you, professional.

Keep a record of the email, any responses, and any future conversations. If it goes bad and you wanted to you could take some kind of action… check with ACAS or citizens advice for how to go about that, should you decide you want to.

DoctorOctagonapus@reddit

Might as well ask for a P45 while you're at it.

MoonlightByWindow@reddit

Honestly, look for a new job. If he's the CEO and there's no HR, then you're unlikely to change anything. You could try notifying the Board/Chair of Trustees but he would probably be pretty pally with them.

ViscountGris@reddit

Who says there is a board and why would there be trustees? A small company with a founder CEO is very unlikely to have either but the first part of your advice I would think is spot on.

ExileNorth@reddit

This.

Mysterious_Brush7020@reddit

Good bot.

Beep boop

idontlikemondays321@reddit

Is he married? If so, keep bringing the conversation back to her until he takes the hint. If he asks you a personal question I.e what does your wife think about older men? Does your wife like those types of pranks? Hopefully it’ll make him cringe a bit and take the hint.

Inevitable_Esme@reddit

Daughters, mothers, and grandmothers are all much more immediately off-putting to men like this in my experience. Drag ‘em into the conversation as much as possible, connect every smutty comment to their nan.

RobCarrol75@reddit

This is great advice.

Kayanne1990@reddit

Ditto to this. Not an awful lot else you can do since he owns his own company. I'd also try pretending you don't get any of his jokes. Like just deadpan it.

LittlePinkNinja@reddit

I saw someone mention this deadpan response on here ages ago and it was perfect.

Like the guy was making inappropriate jokes and laughing and she would say “sorry I don’t understand the joke - can you explain it please?” Loud enough so others can hear.

It is the most fun shit ever.

running_on_fumes25@reddit

If you have evidence of how he's been acting contact ACAS or consider contacting to a union.

If youre forced to quit because of his behaviour and you have evidence of it then you can sue for constructive dismissal

TN17@reddit

Been through similiar myself. I'm so sorry for you. It's disgusting behaviour and it can really have an impact.

I foolishly remained in my position for over a year before I got out. Years later I still feel the effects.

I think your best option is simply to leave. They might act oblivious buy they know what they're doing and simply don't have compassion for you.

The other suggestions here about reminding him of his wife and saying you don't understand what he means are good. The word 'why' is very disarming; you could also try asking him why he is asking you these things.

Regardless, it's absolutely not worth staying. He is a predator. Just get out.

anabsentfriend@reddit

He's a sleazy bastard. Does he have anyone above him or on the same level at least who you could talk to?

BalianofReddit@reddit

Do your research on what is and isn't legal to collect.

Keep a record of all your interactions in any form that is legal to do so. Talk to a legal service to figure out your rights.

If your employment is negatively affected by this behaviour, you can bring it to tribunal. I do not know if you voluntarily left it is included in this. But it is worth asking that, too.

If it escalates physically, or direct secual advances are made, that's grounds for a police complaint.

Ultimately, my advice would be to remove yourself from the situation. Seek advice on if and with whom you could log the behaviour in case it escalates with someone else.

Also talk to your colleagues if you trust them. They might be able to help (but be wary as a lot of people aren't sympathetic to such things)

If you're using Teams, record/transcribe the 1:1 calls, if he asks why just say you want to review the meeting notes for actions, etc.

ExcitementKooky418@reddit

Document EVERYTHING. Save copies on non-company computer in case he can access it to erase. Then ACAS/blackmail

Juniper2324@reddit

I like your enthusiasm lmao, but note, blackmail is a crime

mad-un@reddit

CEO of a small company... Not a CEO, someone that gives himself a grand title, he's just a small business owner, maybe an MD at a push that thinks he owns his staff. If he doesn't have other executive officers to be chief of (CFO, COO, CPO, CMO, etc) he can't be that, and there's no reason for a small business to have those.

I know it's not really helpful but it does show what type of person he is. If you're concerned about losing your job, find a new job and call him out on it, then if you have managed to get some evidence, pressure him for sexual harassment, it's wrong and you shouldn't have to deal with it.

chicken-farmer@reddit

Quit.

FrankSarcasm@reddit

I think he is trying to normalise certain modes of behaviour that are inappropriate.

I think you should document where possible and retain any emails or texts for evidence.

I would imagine he will be a dxxk around references but i think you may be better off leaving.

Best wishes

Laescha@reddit

Start looking for a new job, and ask your union to help you take this wanker to an employment tribunal.

elgrn1@reddit

"How is that an appropriate comment for a professional workplace?"

"What is the joke, I don't get it."

"I want to keep my personal life and professional life separate so I don't find that an acceptable thing to say/question to ask."

"Did you have a work related question for me, because if not I have work to do."

"I don't appreciate you touching me when moving past me, there is no need for that."

"This is an inappropriate topic and I'm uncomfortable with you talking to me about it."

MrsTheBo@reddit

I’m sorry to hear that you have been experiencing this. I agree with other commenters here that this is sexual harassment, and that you should keep records and consider speaking to ACAS.

Do you have home insurance? I appreciate that this sounds a strange question, but many home insurance policies will have legal cover which entitles you to free legal advice to pursue legal claims in relation to matters like this.

This may enable you to be able to negotiate a settlement payment for exiting the organisation if you wish to. The legislation around sexual harassment changed last year and employers can now face larger pay outs if they do not proactively seek to prevent sexual harassment (and if the CEO is behaving like this, I doubt they are!).

Again, I’m so sorry - this is not ok, and I wish you all the very best in getting away from this horrible situation.

(For context, I’m an HR Consultant)

LittleGreenCabbage@reddit

Either take advantage and use him to climb the ladder or find a new job 🤣

countingmystepsbaby@reddit

Gross.

What else can she do if the CEO is being gross tho?

AskUK-ModTeam@reddit

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Suedehead88@reddit

If leaving is not an option you need to start collecting evidence and make sure your colleagues are aware of your discomfort when he’s around. Hopefully there is someone decent in your team that will look out for you, anyone you can confide in? Talk about your partner in his presence (make one up if needed) and how protective they are of you. Show him your disgust at his behaviour, it doesn’t have to be verbal, or take the piss out of him being overtly sexual - “I didn’t know this was the 1950’s, I feel like I’m in a Benny Hill skit”. Citizens Advice bureau is a great resource as someone else has mentioned. This is awful and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.

Diligent-Till-8832@reddit

This is called sexual harrassment..

AbbeyDownton@reddit

Firstly Record him. Get lots of evidence. The challenge him directly and significantly for him to stop. If he does and you’re feeling better then great. If he doesn’t and makes you work life even worse consider leaving the company and seek compensation via constructive dismissal legislation which may give you some funds whilst looking for another job. If he fires you see above for compensation via legal routes . You could see an employment legal advisor. Don’t do anything more till you’ve got evidence

ACuriousCustard@reddit

This is shocking behaviour and I feel for your discomfort.

Sounds like you've tried your best to curtail his behaviour but I'm not sure there's much else you can do internally. (BTW: If you had an HR dept to turn to, I'm not sure how useful that would be given that he's the CEO).

Only thought that comes to mind is collecting evidence - recording (hidden mic or cam) might be an option. But to be taken seriously outside work (eg: police or other), he'd have to really overstep the mark.

Don't know how easy it would be for you to find another job, but I'd strongly consider walking. But if you do, be very careful and try to leave on good terms because there's references to consider and he could make your life difficult by dissing you to his contemporaries in other companies.

Best of luck

NB: Should point out for context that I'm a 64y male, retired for 4y and have managed large teams.

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