What are you most likely to go to prison for?

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BarryFairbrother@reddit

Not deleting certain memes on my camera roll before I visit the US in the autumn.

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INEKROMANTIKI@reddit

And instantly convince customs that you sell drugs.. great idea

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Awkward-Dig5533@reddit

Commenting on a Facebook local group post.

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jalopity@reddit

🤣🤣

Someone did genuinely go to the police about me. All I did was wind the local village idiot up.

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Got to be a little careful what I say at this moment, but there was a bloke that ran as a district councillor who gave it the big I Am on the local Facebook group that I had a few frank exchanges of views with, that led to him sending me a load of abuse which crossed the line to harassment, so I reported it to the police.

That did end, but he’s currently on trial for rape and murder after allegedly killing a woman for dumping him.

I mean… I just thought he was a total arsehole with that had issues with boundaries, and needed to realise his behaviour wasn’t okay via a bit more of a serious warning than Facebook can be bothered to deliver, but his arseholery went a lot further than that.

I can’t help feeling that if everyone he’d been abusive to online had reported him to the police for it, and there’d actually been a consequence, someone might still be alive now.

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blurdyblurb@reddit

What happened?

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jalopity@reddit

Not very exciting but I deleted my account and never heard anything.

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DragonfruitItchy4222@reddit

Either saying something politically incorrect or hitting somebody too hard (I'd be justified in hitting them, how hard is subjective).

The police really are cunts.

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Ok_Flatworm_7331@reddit

Treepass

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PKblaze@reddit

Probably some bullshit

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swerdntm@reddit

Freedom of speech

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Peloquinn@reddit

I once got into an argument with someone on The Pirate Bay of all places and said some pretty racy things. I forgot all about it and a few weeks later had a meat wagon and police rush my parents house at 7am one morning because they'd gone to the police. The only reason I didn't go inside was because my mum was seriously ill. Probably not the answer you wanted, but it made me think of that time, it was pretty awful.

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jalopity@reddit

How the hell did they find you?

I know someone who got SOCA on his case trying to find out who a certain user on his forum was. Was nothing serious either z

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Jolly-Minimum-6641@reddit

We won't get Asian-style real name laws in this country because that would be too obvious and nobody would stand for it.

However, we will absolutely see more powers given to the likes of the NCA to just demand that stuff instead.

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Peloquinn@reddit

IP address. Wasn't difficult I imagine. Silly thing was it was an argument on some torrent back when you could comment and even though we both said some shit, I was the one who got raided. The worst part was I just started dating this girl and her dad and mum both worked high up in the prison system and I had to have an intervention with them after only knowing their daughter like 8 weeks lol. She's now my wife and mother of my children so worked out, but yea be careful out there!

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ok2888@reddit

The most likely scenario I can envision that would lead to me being sent to prison is getting in some sort of fight and accidentally seriously hurting or killing someone. Although that's very unlikely as I'm not the sort of person that goes looking for trouble. Other than that the only illegal thing i do is smoke weed.

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DanielReddit26@reddit

Mistaken identity, or an unfortunate outcome when trying to protect my family would be my guess.

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No_Salamander4095@reddit

Bad luck!

Wrong place, wrong time, wrong blood alcohol level, wrong weekend--spent in a nasty Greek jail.

(This has already happened, but I'm probably due another one down the line).

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Quirky_Analyst_9385@reddit

Defending against Chinese invaders

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sharps2020@reddit

Again?

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Fluffy_Juggernaut_@reddit

Obligatory "saying you're English" post

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DmG-xWrightyyy@reddit

Avenging a family member

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Wide-Height-7936@reddit

For murdering my husband every time he uses the tin foil, drops it, attempts to roll it back up by just scrunching it round the cardboard tube…..ffs!

That and opening a packet of bread by just ripping it rather than cutting the tag open and opening it like a normal human being.

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Emaniopk@reddit

Probably sticking a screw driver into somebody's spine from the back and twisting it 45degrees for good measure to leave them paralysed or with some form of handicap I would imagine.

Wouldn't be murder or attempt of murder. Maybe abh with intent lowered to abh by way of diminished responsibility.

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yellowpages2k8@reddit

Eating a meal

A succulent Chinese meal

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irishgollum@reddit

Mass murder.

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pocahontasjane@reddit

Murder.

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NoAimElaine@reddit

5 years from now there's going to be a documentary about you where they say "The signs were there all along, they even admitted it openly on online forums" (insert creepy background music and some shaky re-enacted footage)

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pocahontasjane@reddit

Only thing that runs in my family is that joke.

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zerotolerance4trolls@reddit

Exactly this.

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Leading_Exercise3155@reddit

Me too lol

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atom_stacker@reddit

Oh , i 100% know what it would be. In fact I'm really surprised I haven't been banned up for it already.

Handling salmon in suspicious circumstances.

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Willthisusernamebe3@reddit

Visit your mother

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atom_stacker@reddit

If visiting OPs mom is a crime, we are all going to jail.

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Unusual_residue@reddit

Some form of serious motoring offence

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atom_stacker@reddit

Slow down!

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minisrugbycoach@reddit

Punching someone in the back of the head after they've decided to stop right in the middle of a door way to check their receipt/phone/talk to a friend.

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Acyts@reddit

Running through a field of wheat

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h00dman@reddit

Dunnah!

https://youtu.be/m0f1xEnLM08?feature=shared

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fergydoo@reddit

I've never seen that before. That's superb 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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Ok-Direction-8257@reddit

How in the fuck have I only just seen this? 😆

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h00dman@reddit

Almost makes her time as PM worth it 😅

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Educational_Way3900@reddit

Killing someone who hurt my dog

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fookreddit22@reddit

I'd rather be in prison than homeless.

I've been in prison and homeless.

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MrsTheBo@reddit

My late dad was in prison for most of my childhood. Despite living a very “straight” life (as my dad described it), I have spent my whole life secretly worrying that I am destined to go to prison at some point.

I suppose I should just embezzle something, try and hide the money for Proceeds of Crime Act purposes, and get it over with!

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Simbooptendo@reddit

Accidentally running over a child

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Songbird9125@reddit

Haha, nice try copper :P

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Simple_Project4605@reddit

I watched the latest Doctor Who season without paying the TV Licence 💀

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hiking_n_stuff@reddit

To attend a meeting. Freaks me out every time I do

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SenSel@reddit

What would you do if you attended a meeting?

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hiking_n_stuff@reddit

Represent a nurse at a disciplinary or grievance or sickness meeting

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Birdy8588@reddit

Murder.

Multiple murder if people try to get in my way.

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Rule34NoExceptions2@reddit

I think GBH, if anyone touched my brother's kids. I don't want my own but some psychotic protective switch has been turned on in my head, that I absolutely would give up my life and freedom to ensure those kids are safe.

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OneOffReturn@reddit

someone who gave an answer similar to mine

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OneOffReturn@reddit

For me it would probably for GHB or ABH in inflicting vigilante justice

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fucks_news_channel@reddit

watch out everyone this guy wants us to know how 'ard he thinks he is

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Spam_Frittering@reddit

Symptomatic of the piss poor policing of society we now endure.

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cactusdan94@reddit

r/iamverybadass

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levezvosskinnyfists7@reddit

Saying you’re English these days

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Mossy290815@reddit

Mucduc

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TanjoCards@reddit

Enjoying a succulent Chinese meal

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Royal_View9815@reddit

Get your hand off my penis!

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NoStoryTerritory@reddit

Something stupidly unintentional like forgetting to pay in the restaurant, accidental trespassing or collecting wrong children from daycare.

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nafregit@reddit

no comment

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BanditKing99@reddit

Opening someone else’s post

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Silver_Extent_7279@reddit

Flashing my titties. I have poor self-control.

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Admirable-Call5134@reddit

Basically just existing

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MissingScore777@reddit

Is it that bad in Georgia?

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forgottenpopcork@reddit

If someone hurt my dog.. probably a revenge murder.

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caucasusbird@reddit

a phone snatch (except London)

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AirlineTraditional6@reddit

I vaguely remember reading a story about a woman whose daughter got raped.

The rapist got released from prison and was boasting about it. Maybe even taunting the mum.

The mum tracked the guy down, doused him in some flammable liquid and burned that fker to death.

I’m far from being a Ronnie Pickering. But I feel I’m not good enough of a person to ever forgive a person for that. I would be ok making the person permanently disabled.

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ControlExtension9062@reddit

Haha clever idea.. I’m not admitting to taking..

Oh you sneaky gig I almost admitted to the m….

Shit nearly did it again

Best delete my account 😂

(This is a joke I’ve never done anything wrong ever)

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brokenlandmine@reddit

Sus af

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Maximum_Scientist_85@reddit

Nice try, officer

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BasildonBond53@reddit

A crime

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Rchambo1990@reddit

Getting caught is most likely

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diabiological@reddit

Misuse of computer act (trolling)

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smoulderstoat@reddit

It depends whether you mean "of all the people in prison, what's the most common offence they've committed" or "committing which crime is most likely to result in time inside?"

If it's the former, I'd guess theft and Theft Act offences (going equipped for stealing and so on), if only because they're so commonly committed.

If it's the latter, I'd say murder - they commit enormous resources to solving them, the clear up rate is high, and the only sentence is life imprisonment. Though there might be someone inside for an obscure crime like Molesting The King's Swans or Encompassing The Death of Sir David Attenborough, which only they have committed and for which the imprisonment rate is therefore 100%.

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