How do I become more social?
Posted by DescriptionFuture851@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 22 comments
Realiscally speaking, my plans tonight are either (1) Play pool or darts in my local pub, (2) Have a drink on my own as nobody I knowbody is out, or (3) Play Playstation with my mates.
These are my three options Monday - Thursday, every single week.
On weekends, I'll sometimes switch it up and go drinking in Durham with my mates, but it's honestly quite rare.
After almost 10 years of this same routine, I'm bored shitless.
Any suggestions for a late 20's man in a small town of 20k.
Cheers.
GiveMeBleachPlease@reddit
Get a little puppy
Classic-Pop-996@reddit
Do people have time Monday-Thursday? When do you work? After work, commuting, showering, cooking, chores, cleaning, and getting ready for tomorrow there's only 1-2 hours left, not sure how to fit hobbies or sports into a day?
Rubberfootman@reddit
People keep saying this. Showering? Really, that’s 10 minutes. You don’t need to do chores every day, and if you plan ahead you don’t need to cook every day.
You’re doing something my boss used to do - he’d break out simple tasks into lots of bullet points and overwhelm himself.
Your list - not including the commute - could be taken care of in under 90 minutes.
Classic-Pop-996@reddit
Showering, shaving, pooing, brushing, flossing, dressing, sorting out hair, applying suncream, moisturiser, deodorant. How's that 10 minutes? I obviously have to prepare and eat 3 meals every day, even if it isn't cooking from scratch, that's easily 90 minutes
Rubberfootman@reddit
Then the choice to have only 1-2 hours left before bed is yours.
Classic-Pop-996@reddit
How's that? I have to do pretty much all of those things? I could skip showering and eat ready meals every day in the name of capitalism but I'd really rather take care of myself
watryatalkinabout@reddit
You never meal prepped?
Rubberfootman@reddit
As I said, it is your choice. Streamline your life or accept that you only have 1-2 hours for yourself in the evening.
That said, I’m hardly one to talk - I was wrapped up by 7:30 this evening and now I’m just going to piss the next 5 hours away watching TV and drinking wine.
Classic-Pop-996@reddit
Not following you, how can I streamline my life? I'm literally listing things I have to do each or most days that take up a set amount of time. Not sure where 5 hours a day can come from if you work full time hours, unless you don't have to commute.
Rubberfootman@reddit
I don’t wish to sound mean, just from my perspective you seem to have things the wrong way around. You’re supposed block out the time to do all the good/fun/fulfilling things, and then wedge all the crap stuff in the remaining time.
Life admin isn’t supposed to be your whole life - and you itemised putting deodorant on.
BrieflyVerbose@reddit
Typical excuses really. If people want something bad enough they make it happen.
Classic-Pop-996@reddit
Ok, but which of these can I skip? They are all pretty necessary and take a certain amount of time, do you not do these things?
BrieflyVerbose@reddit
Of course I do, but you think of ways to save time if you must. An example I have done for years is that I'll only cook twice a week..I prep my meals, it worked well with my weightlifting too. But I was doing it to save time, and because I fucking hate cooking.
You also said "That only leaves me with an hour or two at the end of the day" (or something to that effect). Well that's plenty of time to fit something in there. That's 10 hours a week there during your weekdays that you can play with.
Most people bitch about their lack of time and then spend absolutely ages in front of the television or scrolling on their phones in their spare time. I'm doing a full time medical degree, I have two part time jobs, I have a family and we're currently renovating our house. I still find time to see my friends and family and make time for things I want, because I want it enough to simply make the time.
DescriptionFuture851@reddit (OP)
Yeah, it's not uncommon that I get back in the house at 12 and get a shit night's sleep until I'm up again 6, that's if I'm lucky.
AbbeyDownton@reddit
Playing Football, ask to join a quiz team at the local, walking groups, men’s groups are becoming popular, there might be one near you.
Bubbly_District_107@reddit
Everyone's being very healthy here but if you enjoy darts or pool have you thought about joining a local team?
Usually a fair bit of fun and you can have a couple of pints on a weekday without feeling sad about drinking on your own.
I used to do it for years week I lived at home as my town was a similar size and it's great fun.
Sirlacker@reddit
Go start a hobby you've always been intrigued in but never actually done. Go and give a few hobbies a try and see if anything sticks. If there are people around, just say "hey, do you have any advice for beginners?".and that could get the ball rolling.
Or if you're interested in cars/bikes, find a local meet. You don't have to own one to turn up to most of them, lots of people go just to have a nosey at what's there and when you get talking to the owners of the vehicles, you'll find you can't actually shut them up and they'll talk to you for literal hours if you let them.
The thing is, you've got to actually put yourself into situations where you could be social. That's the hard part.
There's lots to do, it's just finding the effort and sometimes money to go and do it and then also make yourself socially available whilst potentially being nervous during a new activity.
Just pick something and make it your goal to do it at least once to give it a try, and have another goal of actually talking to someone whilst you're there. If it goes nowhere with either the new hobby or social interaction, at least you tried, and the more you try the more practice you'll have and the easier it'll become just walking up to essentially random people and starting a convo.
thegreyman1986@reddit
Get a hobby mate, I live in Durham, there are boxing gyms and jiu jitsu gyms where you can learn a skill, it’s good exercise and those people are new people you’d get to know.
There are gyms all over - go join a gym, start working out and don’t be afraid to ask the big burly bastards for some advice because they’re usually softies and are glad to help someone out.
Obviously sports, Football and Cricket are decent in this area so if you used to play one get back into it (or get your current mates to put together a 5-a-side team)
It’s shit I know, and if you’re skint it’s more shit, and if like myself you lived away from the north east for 20+ years and move back it’s rough starting over but it’s not impossible
walphriggum69@reddit
The good news and the bad news is the answer is exercise in one form of another.
I joined a gym which I thought was a kind of cult but once I was inside the cult it was amazing, really cool and social people.
DescriptionFuture851@reddit (OP)
That's how they get ya.
But in all seriousness, thanks for the comment.
Fred_Derf_Jnr@reddit
Local sports clubs are probably the answer, my choice would be sailing, but there are so many different sports to chose from, so have a look round the area and see what pops up.
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