Milton Keynes Needs a Swingers Club – Thoughts?
Posted by Original-Union9591@reddit | miltonkeynes | View on Reddit | 70 comments
So I’ve been thinking… why doesn’t MK have a proper swingers club?
There’s a big scene in places like London, Birmingham, and even smaller towns and yet nothing here that’s tasteful and discreet. I genuinely think Milton Keynes could benefit from a safe, welcoming space for open minded adults.
Not talking about anything sketchy just a well run venue for couples and singles to meet, explore, and enjoy a bit of freedom.
Anyone else ever thought about this? Would you go? What would make you feel comfortable at a place like that?
Curious to hear what my fellow MK people think🥂
BnBXL@reddit
Just chiming in here being new and all. This city needs one!!! How does one go about it and where are the swingers anyway.
DeviceResident4340@reddit
Ye_olde_oak_store@reddit
A safe space for people to do that sort of thing is always beneficial. Though good luck explaining that to those that to those who think it would attract a "bad crowd"
CuZa24@reddit
I’d say Milton Keynes needs a decent club first, before we get to a swingers one 🤣 Honestly though, the nightlife scene here barely manages a couple of bars that aren’t chains, let alone somewhere with a bit of actual character. Craufurd and Vaults are fun but you can’t exactly go from pints to playful partner swapping 😂
That being said… you’re not wrong MK could do with something tasteful and well-run. Maybe a classy members club that doesn’t feel like you accidentally walked into a dodgy warehouse. Given how many “adults” here head to London for nightlife anyway, it would probably do well.
First step: can we get one proper late-night venue in CMK that doesn’t make you wish you stayed home?
Swimming-Neck-8982@reddit
Imho I think the challenges are 3 fold:
1) Mk has really struggled for a good nightlife for a long time. The city has grown, but the options for a good night out have stayed the same or reduced. When I was in my very early 20s you had 9/10 bars/clubs that would be open until 2am or later. Most of which were around the theatre district and the hub. Now despite the city's population being 1/3+ larger you have maybe 4/5? That stay open that late? This shows there really isn't that much of a market for general nightlife within MK.
2) I believe linked to the above is the change in the MK consumer and resident in that time. Mk used to be a relatively cheap place to live, students would come back over the summer. Locals under 30 would be out 3 times a week etc. MK isn't that cheap anymore and neither is going out. This in turn is possibly why most of the under 30s that I know at work don't go out drinking regularly and would rather save the money and head into London twice a month and use other methods to alcohol to find their kicks. We also have a larger transient population, that live in the masses of flats/HMOs in the centre during the working week and return home at weekends. Added to that the cost of having a club in MK is untenable for a venue type that only opens 3/4 days a week. With central MK out you'd need to look out outer areas, Wolverton, Bletchley and Newport. The first two both have recently emptied working mens clubs that would be ideal space wise, but you would never get a licence as the back on to residential areas. Compare the locations MK has to that of the 3 local swingers clubs - Dunstable is in the middle of an old industrial area, JDs is a random farm in the middle of nowhere and VA is right on the edge of town. MK doesn't have many venues like that. (Although the old Hyundai place in Old Stratford could maybe work 👀) If anything MK is probably too big but yet not run down enough in some areas to make it viable.
3) Last but not least not that many swingers like to do things so close to home. Knowing a number of people in that lifestyle they don't want to bump into Jeff from up the road because he "wanted to try it out". They prefer to travel a bit further, maybe get a hotel room and avoid the chances of seeing a mates Mum, Son or Sister getting their backdoors smashed in or seething them get the same. We have the 3 mentioned above within half an hour of MK. You then have another dozen within just over an hour's travel. It gives people options to travel and enjoy. For those that I know that do want to stay local, well they tend to have a house in one of the villages with some space and host parties instead, why risk the above, when you can invite a select few to yours.
Now... Having said all that, the bookies in Newport High Street has been available to rent for over 2 years. Let's start a go fund me, and call it either "swingers and roundabouts" or "the bonkies" ? What do you reckon? 😂
gentlepersuasion420@reddit
What is wrong with the carparks off of campbell park?
Original-Union9591@reddit (OP)
Ah! Good memories here, although it’s no fun to ejaculate & evacuate when there’s nitty‘s knocking on your driver window asking for spare change
capman511@reddit
Ejaculate and evacuate? Jesus, you are disgusting.
gentlepersuasion420@reddit
If there was a club the swingers could go to and it would mean less creeps hanging around in parked cars often with their engines running for no good reason I'd be all for it 👍
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
honestly tho, having a proper swingers club could legit lower MK’s carbon emissions. less idling engines in car parks, fewer weirdos cruising in circles burning petrol, and way more people walking home satisfied instead of stewing in traffic. it’s basically climate activism with lube.
FinchMandala@reddit
So that's what they're doing outside Network Rail. 🤯
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
I parked there once just to chill and eat and didn’t realise how active it gets after dark. had my windows down for like 10 mins and swear I caught conjunctivitis a few days later. not saying it was directly related but… breathing in the leftover air from a dozen car romps probably didn’t help. place needs a biohazard rating.
BassInternational464@reddit
Honestly, I’ve been thinking about the same thing. I would actually love to have a club in town. Would make it a bit more interesting to live here!
Original-Union9591@reddit (OP)
There are clubs, if you know where to look lol
Easy-Money3456@reddit
Do tell…. 😉
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
Finally, someone who gets it!!!!! MK’s nightlife is basically Tesco Express and Netflix….. A proper club like this could actually give people something to whisper about at brunch :O hi
BassInternational464@reddit
Hi What’s the best spot for brunch?
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
Depends what you’re hungry for 😏 but I’d say Fourth & Fifth is a solid shout decent avo toast, strong coffee, and good lighting if you’re trying to pretend you didn’t just crawl out of a questionable night in Bletchley.
BassInternational464@reddit
Hmmm we’ve covered brunch, have you been at any of the clubs that OP mentioned?
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
Let’s just say I’ve been to The Vanilla Alternative once or twice… and I didn’t exactly go for the cocktails. MK nightlife could learn a thing or two!
Easy-Money3456@reddit
I hated VA. It was our first club and it seemed very much a cliquey vibe and we felt really unwelcome and awkward, plus there were a lot of the wanking dead. The staff were lovely though. Jaydees was much more welcoming and friendly atmosphere wise. I also enjoyed the Halloween events at the one just off J16 I just can’t think of the name. I’ve heard there’s quite a large club near Birmingham that is supposed to be really good too! MK is lame is this dept! ❤️🔥
BassInternational464@reddit
Well maybe we can go for lunch and then we’ll try to find some of these clubs? PM me
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
lol ok that actually sounds kinda fun. depends where lunch is tho, not settling for some dead chain place. if we’re doing this we’re doing it properly
BassInternational464@reddit
Let’s say tomorrow around 2 we start at canal street and then we’ll go looking for the clubs
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
alright fair, 2 at canal street works. what kinda place is it tho?
BassInternational464@reddit
Just let yourself be surprised. Wanna drop me your number in the PMs so I can pick you up
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
Just pmed you!
BassInternational464@reddit
I’ll show you a great time at lunch and you’ll show me a great time in the club ;)
jackiecurrel_@reddit
This sounds intriguing.
BassInternational464@reddit
You want to join? ;)
jackiecurrel_@reddit
Depends.. are you circumcised?
BassInternational464@reddit
Jewish from head to toe ;)
nilfguardian_erect@reddit
JewLongPig
BassInternational464@reddit
I think you’ll just have to join us
IndefiniteLouse@reddit
…didn’t fourth and fifth close about 5 years ago?
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
Damn, fair play 😅 I clearly need to update my MK brunch map. was thinking of Bogota Coffee but said the wrong name. Too many flat whites, not enough brain cells. Still stands though good vibes, decent eggs, and enough people pretending to read while checking each other out 👀
Myers3750@reddit
Bogota Coffee ftw. Lovely staff and lovely coffee 😁(I'm not an employee btw).
IndefiniteLouse@reddit
Hah!
Canal Street is good as well, but parking is a bitch. Excellent pastry game.
bond_uk@reddit
Any cardamom buns?
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
Why are you talking about pastries, this is a post about the beautiful art of swingers clubs!
BassInternational464@reddit
Well that sucks
IndefiniteLouse@reddit
Soz. Annoyingly the place that replaced it (out of office) was good but has also closed.
SIGH.
SpareAdvice8716@reddit
It was very controversial within the town. There were lots of complaints about it's location on the High St in relation to noise for local residents, but I think the real reason was a lot snootier than that.
AJ3000AKA@reddit
I mean Olney is full of snooty people. Ten years ago they were up in arms about a shop which dared to have a purple sign outside.
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
yeah honestly it was never about noise. people just didn’t like the idea of that kind of place being so visible. like they all pretend to be open minded until something makes them uncomfortable lol
yogityagi@reddit
There is a good one in Dunstable,but yeah, I agree MK needs one good dungeon 😀
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
dunstable’s alright if you’re into cold rooms and weird latex smells, but MK deserves better than driving 40 mins just to get tied to a wobbly ikea chair. we need a proper dungeon with standards!
cflyssy@reddit
And that's just Dunstable in general, not even the club.
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
Honestly, this is exactly what Milton Keynes has been missing. It’s about time someone stood up and said it — there’s clearly a demand for something more open-minded and exciting here. Other towns have these kinds of spaces and they thrive. Big respect for putting it out there 👏 Curious to see how people react!
BassInternational464@reddit
Amen Brother or Sister
nilfguardian_erect@reddit
Don’t you mean shalom JewLongPig?
BassInternational464@reddit
Well my little pipi friend, amen is derived from Hebrew and the Christians took it over from Hebrew
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
Sister…. and trust me, I’ve got more controversial ideas than most of the brothers in here 😏
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
Finally, someone who gets it. MK’s nightlife is basically Tesco Express and Netflix. A proper club like this could actually give people something to whisper about at brunch!!
IndefiniteLouse@reddit
An application was put in for one in Olney, but planning was declined.
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
What happened there?
Ozzy1981@reddit
Facebook locals were up in arms about it, complained and it got rejected. Site was at an old Chinese place that you had to go through a bit of an alleyway to get to. Would’ve been great and brought business into the area but people are short sighted
Original-Union9591@reddit (OP)
Democracy Manifest
jackiecurrel_@reddit
Mhmm, something about it being on the high street afaik?
BassInternational464@reddit
Oh I read about that, devastated!
Classic_Peasant@reddit
To be fair theres popular ones not far if you're into that.
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
yeah but “not far” still means getting half naked an hour away just to explore your kinks in someone else’s postcode 😂 why’s it such a crime to want something local where you don’t have to pack a bag and lie to your mates about where you were saturday night lol
BassInternational464@reddit
Can you recommend some?
jackiecurrel_@reddit
Would you care to share?
Dull_Hawk9416@reddit
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding and hung out with sex workers and outcasts — pretty sure he’d be more comfortable in a swingers club than most churches these days. At least people there are honest about what they’re seeking 👀
BassInternational464@reddit
We all need to let out our darkside sometimes 😘
Hitandrun0056@reddit
As long as virgins can learn there lol
Psychological_Pen_33@reddit
Only if they pass the oral exam first 😏
BassInternational464@reddit
Honestly, they were pretty welcoming to everyone the first time I went