ULPT my neighbor starts his loud straight-pipe Harley at 4 in the morning and lets it warm up for 10 or 15 minutes before hauling ass off to work.
Posted by PastyMcClamerson@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 141 comments
Like the title says, this is the kid of the homeowner, but the homeowner is equally a dumbass. Parks their several cars all over the neighborhood for weeks at a time, just overall inconsiderate pricks. Parks the pontoon boat on the street for days at a time which takes up a huge chunk of the road and makes it a huge bottleneck (one way). Meat heads. Bright ass floodights that shine in everyone's windows all night long- the motion sensor is set to most sensitive so any little leaf or branch sets it off. Lately the kid has a job where he starts his Harley, that he parks on the front porch, at 4 in the morning and Lets it warm up for quite some time and then tears out of the neighborhood. This is suburbia, houses stacked on top of each other, people trying to sleep as they have to go to work as well; or school.
It's kind of cold, but sometimes I hope for a lane-splitting accident one of these days...
Soooo, where do I put the piss disk (joking, of course)?
Sea_Bear7754@reddit
Easy one. Rider for 15 years here.
You take a little bit of motor oil say a 1/4-1/2 cup and carefully put it at the base of their driveway where the bike rides off. From there you put a light dusting of grass/leafs over the motor oil to hide the oil. Lastly, enjoy.
Bike rides through the already slippery grass and might eat shit there. If not, both wheels will ride through the oil making the tires slick for at least a couple miles. If he really hauled ass through it you might be fortunate enough that he got some on the sidewalls too which will greatly affect braking.
I’ve ridden through oil before and it’s absolutely terrible. Obviously do this at night, check for cameras, wear a mask, etc but it works.
WN_Todd@reddit
If you just want to fuck with him and there's no camera put oil in a spray bottle and spray some on the motor and exhaust late at night. It'll burn off and smoke or drip and he will lose his mind finding the leak. He'll also get in trouble with his parents for messing up their porch. Fun times.
anally_ExpressUrself@reddit
Damnit Satan, I thought you got rid of your reddit account
vanishingpointz@reddit
Satan would also drill tiny holes in the pontoon boat
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
In the top and bottom, for airflow....
Eziekiel23_20@reddit
Its a Harley, they do this naturally.
Fight_those_bastards@reddit
My uncle always said that if his Harley wasn’t leaking, that meant it was out of oil.
WN_Todd@reddit
That's what makes it so convincing.
Cleverlunchbox@reddit
Satan over here making his rounds lol
Sea_Bear7754@reddit
As a rider I hate Harley owners too. This guy deserves it hands down
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
If it was a normal muffler it wouldn't be so bad, but LoUd PiPeS sAvE lIVeS!!!!
Sea_Bear7754@reddit
To be fair they do, but my last bike had an obnoxious pipe on it even for me so what I would do is start it in the garage with the door shut, open the door, ride out, close the door.
That’s what this dickhead should be doing.
vanishingpointz@reddit
I ran a straight pipe on a car I had in the 90's , it would make my ears ring after a 20 minute drive. I had to leave for work at 4am and we lived in a town home development. I could put it in neutral drift out of the cul de sac out on the road and down the street then fire that pig up. When i would come home at 2am i would park down the street. I was a punk ass teenager that caused much trouble and I knew better.
Major-BFweener@reddit
No, they don’t. Loud colors and bright lights definitely do, but loud pipes, pointed behind you, are not nearly as effective as bright lights and loud colors.
Ardilla914@reddit
I roll my eyes when I hear people say that loud pipes save lives but they’re out there riding in a T-shirt. Know what else saves lives? Helmets and proper gear!
JT_got_the_1st@reddit
You're never going to convince a rider they are wrong about this. The "loud pipes saves lives" crowd revs their engine instead of using their horn and they get constant confirmation bias when drivers react to the throttle blip... As if drivers would never hear their horn or something. It's the same logic as those dummies that put a train horn in their Camry and claim that it's saved their life.
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
Loud pipes echoing in the front porch towards my bedroom window wakes me up...
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
Oh, no, the French bulldogs in cages and the POS beater El Camino that doesn't run is in there.
Sea_Bear7754@reddit
Damn his priorities are messed up the beater El Camino belongs in the front yard 🤦♂️
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
No he's in the right place his beater Chevy Cheyenne pickup truck with the 22-in wheels is in the front lol
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
And his Ford mustang is parked down the street on that side yard where no one's actual frontage is and his converted van is around the corner on another street I can go on and on....
MintyFresh668@reddit
Glue a harmonic, pea-whistle or yazoo in the tailpipe
sumptin_wierd@reddit
"Its early in the morning, you sposed to be up making breakfast"
"The whistle goes whooo!"
Yeah don't do this. Replacing one obnoxious sound with another won't fix any problems.
kill4b@reddit
https://youtu.be/zUXow3d3-b0?si=hXqlF2ZXLIisu04X
Milky_Gashmeat@reddit
WOOOO-WOOOOOOO!! YOU SHOULD BE UP MAKIN BREFFAS!
Lmao, I'm glad I'm not the only person who remembers bubb rubb and lil sis.
kill4b@reddit
https://youtu.be/zUXow3d3-b0?si=hXqlF2ZXLIisu04X
Quirky_Option_4142@reddit
What about a banana?
BannyMcBan-face@reddit
Rusted_Homunculus@reddit
I ain't fallin for no banana in the tailpipe
OtherImplement@reddit
I would literally pay to hear/see/watch this!
clintj1975@reddit
Cornflakes
sumptin_wierd@reddit
Southpark episode is pretty funny
Jerking_From_Home@reddit
If you live in the suburbs and REALLY want to ride to work without waking the neighbors, you can push your bike to at least the end of the street and then bump start it and ride off. I did just that with a bike I had once. The fact that it sits there “warming up” for 15 mins is 13 mins longer than necessary.
swamphockey@reddit
This is another boomer nonsense that just needs to go away!
beer_bukkake@reddit
And in every state they fought the helmet law. Fuck em. Loud pipes = smol pp
toolsavvy@reddit
Yeah like as of crotch rockets are any less annoying.
HD-34@reddit
There's assholes on all bikes, try not to lump us all together ✊
WillumDafoeOnEarth@reddit
That’s Mr Satan.
Cleverlunchbox@reddit
No it isn’t. Mr Satan was involved in one of my favorite tv shows growing up. And Satan never delivered either. This Satan is insuring my job as en emt go rewarded with continued scheduling due to need and ..evil. Lol I mean. This guy ain’t fuckin around he’s all about that “traction control off” life.
Worst part of this is my partner became a street pizza on 285 after a car cut him off according to the people investigating his death. I was at hospital when he showed up with one kidney missing in the woods somewhere and well yeah he donated the rest of what was left from what they told me
I was torn the fuck up obviously so I may be misremembering. It’s unusual to see someone who busted your balls busted and missing balls..
Dr_StrangeloveGA@reddit
Come on man. I hate Harley douchbags as much as anyone else but trying to get someone hurt is just being a complete asshole.
Sea_Bear7754@reddit
Sir this is Wendy’s.
Dr_StrangeloveGA@reddit
I did miss what forum I was in. Let the downvotes continue!
WakeMeForSourPatch@reddit
Jeez I thought at first you were just suggesting making it look like an oil leak, giving him anxiety about riding and maybe sending him to a mechanic
Sea_Bear7754@reddit
They do that on their own no need for intervention.
photonynikon@reddit
it's a Harley...they do that
Clownheadwhale@reddit
How about after the oil, a bunch of sand where he turns?
Sea_Bear7754@reddit
Better yet pocket sand at the stop sign right in the eyes. I know he’s not wearing a shield.
kashuntr188@reddit
I thought this was to make the dude think there was a leak. i heard harleys always spring a leak somehwere.
Sea_Bear7754@reddit
Try always spring a leak everywhere 😂
Fickle_Freckler@reddit
Nuclear option
Cuneus-Maximus@reddit
SaintBellyache@reddit
Maybe KY? Might think it’s just water at first
HamRadio_73@reddit
Oh, I like this
Melodic-Whereas-4105@reddit
Spray foam the exhaust pipes
andy-3290@reddit
Thought you were supposed to use a banana.
Jerking_From_Home@reddit
Thought he was going to fall for the old “banana in the tailpipe” huh?
SuperAleste@reddit
Nah you gotta say it like this I AIN'T GONNA FALL FOR NO BANNA IN NO TAIL PIPE. You been hanging put with OP too much
mopbuvket@reddit
Or spending too much time in @superstonk
powerandbulk@reddit
You magnificent bastard
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
❤️❤️❤️
BourbonSucks@reddit
riding a motorcycle at 4am sounds like punishment on its own.
good luck
1dumbmonkey@reddit
Best time to out on a bike is when you’re alone
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
It's suburbia commutertown so the start of the commuters probably are at 4ish. Myself I don't have to leave for work until 6:40 because I work close to home, but you know that loud bike getting started in revved up at 4:00 in the morning is a little bit detrimental to sleep...
Tfox671@reddit
I'd rather a Harley than an asshole with a straight pipe diesel truck. Had a neighbor that would start and idle it an hour plus early at about 4 am. 6 days a week. I respect the hustle but I work mid shift and that's my laying down time.
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
I had that for a while too. They moved away.
RileyCargo42@reddit
If its a belt driven Harley you can always cut the belt, granted they may have cameras so thats a factor. Its like a 3-4hr job for a 50$ part at most if they do it.
toolsavvy@reddit
I understand completely. I have much darker thought about loud motorcycle riders and loud car owners. I can't stand them.
succored_word@reddit
Sugar in the gas tank
jessterswan@reddit
Grow up
toolsavvy@reddit
Motorcycle riders should grow up. I agree. But that isn't gonna happen so oil on the tires it is.
88trax@reddit
lol what sub do you think you’re in right now?
I_Want_A_Ribeye@reddit
Pour some motor oil out under the bike. Smear some of it in the underside so he can’t tell exactly where it’s coming from.
JamesTheJerk@reddit
Superglue a small, rubber phallus to the seat.
Ok_Robot88@reddit
As a gay man, I approve of using the F slur in response to inconsiderate Harley riders as portrayed in South Park.
You don’t need an F word pass for this, but if it helps, you have it.
If the clerk at the door objects, please have them reference Homo#24601. I’ll add a note to the file.
OtherImplement@reddit
Sir, you didn’t include your full classification. Are you Homo#24601-T, Homo#24601-B, or Homo#24601-V? Details matter when dealing with these passes!
Gramma_Hattie@reddit
I sent you my official homo clearance level and PIN, please respond
fattrackstar@reddit
Hey i know some people willing to pay good money for a few passes. If your giving them out for free you should be trying to make a few dollars. Name your price and the cost for each and I'll get in touch with them and get back to you.
Also, any other passes you can give out? You don't happen to be black or dumb as shit do you. Cause those passes are usually worth the most, but the hardest to get
Ok_Robot88@reddit
No, unfortunately im white and i don’t think I’m dumb .
Wait! I got it! I’ll preorder an EA game then I’ll be qualified to hand out some R word passes
Carrie_Underpants@reddit
Ooh, a high-ranking homo at that, OP!
Red00Shift@reddit
Harley Owner enjoy making their motorcycles everyone's problem 😂
redthump@reddit
That's what happens when you buy a motorcycle to get a personality. A really shitty personality at that.
sparesomechange20@reddit
Large Fireworks that go off by his property.....random cold late nights
moomooraincloud@reddit
Aim the fireworks into his bedroom window.
fattrackstar@reddit
If he's going to work at 4 he's probably in bed sleeping by 10. I'd have sure he didn't get any sleep between 10 and 2. Keep accidently setting off my car alarm and taking ten minutes to cut it off. "Someone must have been trying to break into my car because I was in bed asleep"
Or if you know for sure what time he leaves you could call the cops about ten minutes ahead of time. I'm sure there a noise ordnance he's breaking. Time it so they get there while the bike is warming up. That's probably enough to break the noise ordnance but if not he will definitely break it when he goes to leave. You just have to try and keep the cop their long enough for them to witness it. Ask them all kinds of questions or offer them come coffee. Just get them to stick around long enough to hear him leave. Hopefully around 4 there isn't much going on so they will actually show up when you call.
workitloud@reddit
Bear spray the bike. Hose it down.
PanBlanco22@reddit
Buy a Harley. Wake up with him at 4AM and start yours up the same time as him. Rev it louder than him, and generally make it more obnoxious.
Eventually the whole neighborhood will join together and have both of you shut down. Act disappointed and sell your Harley.
clintj1975@reddit
Harley? Get a few pieces of chromed hardware like nuts, screws, etc. Sprinkle a couple on the porch under the bike or in their driveway. He'll go insane trying to figure out where they came from. Repeat as needed.
Thsfknguy@reddit
This motherfucler has no soul!
Wonderful_Degree_431@reddit
Keep your enemies close. Continuously gift him liquor. Get in a few late nights drinking. He'll tear off still drunk at 4 in the morning until one day he does it for the last time.
Wjreky@reddit
Call the cops and say he seemed intoxicated while driving his bike
Bodie_The_Dog@reddit
My neighbor did this, too, only it took a bunch of tries and revving the engine to get it to start. We have 2-acre parcels, and yet he parked it right on the property line, pipe pointing at my bedroom window 100' away.
The problem solved itself when he crashed twice in one month, and his family made him get rid of it. The second time, he hit a deer at the top of my driveway and apparently lay there trapped under his bike for 15 minutes without us knowing it. Thank you, God.
bobdownie@reddit
So… what did you do to his bike to make him crash twice in one month? That sounds exactly what OP is looking for.
Bodie_The_Dog@reddit
LOL
One of those fake deer archery targets, plus some oil on the pavement, allegedly.
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
Our parcels are probably 8,500 ft² we're packed in pretty tight
Bodie_The_Dog@reddit
Any deer?
thelastspike@reddit
Bicycle u lock on the wheel.
ssmegheadd@reddit
Hell, just put a regular lock on a spoke. He won’t see it because it’s small then it’ll fuck up the fender when he starts away.
pronouncedayayron@reddit
Spraying some deep creep oil down his pipes. When it starts smoking he'll think something is wrong and shut it down. He may even take it apart and try to fix it. Keep doing it until he goes nuts.
StarsandCats2Day@reddit
Google to find out where the spark plugs are. Get access to them. Take a number 2 pencil. Run it around the inside of the hole you screw the spark plug into, near the end that you set the gap on. You are putting pencil lead around on the housing, not the spark plug.
Why? Graphite is more attractive to sparks than the components of the spark plugs. So the spark plug won't work. The Harley either won't run or will run horribly. Mechanics today won't know how to diagnose or treat it. You can have fun adding the lead and then erasing it, just to add it a few days later. You fix it by erasing the lead. It is that easy. Youtube probably has a video on how to change Harley spark plugs.
chris782@reddit
Yea no, this is from if you are trying to a spark plug to work better you draw on the tip. Drawing on the threads won't somehow make the current able to jump through the insulation inside the plug and into the engine block.
NullGWard@reddit
Find out where he works and post an ULPT asking how to get him fired. No job = no Harley at 4 a.m.
elliseyes3000@reddit
Banana in the tailpipe
sparesomechange20@reddit
Random late night fireworks
Ganjanonamous@reddit
Get a burner phone and put a craigslist add for a free unattended Harley at that time and give the address
Random_Guy_47@reddit
Does he stay with it while it warms up or go back inside?
If he goes back in that's a free motorbike and the best part is the insurance company wont pay out because he left it running unattended.
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
Unattended and out-of-state plates not registered so yeah that could be a win I don't know how to ride though
rutoca@reddit
Post the address at time locally, the drivers will find themselves
SaintBellyache@reddit
Anonymous post on Nextdoor and other local social media saying “free Harley, engine running at 4am for any early bird thieves”
BannyMcBan-face@reddit
Sugar in the gas tank?
dustyrags@reddit
Doesn’t work, but water does.
GardenStrange@reddit
Doesn't work
thelastspike@reddit
Dirt. Lots of dirt.
slartbangle@reddit
Ninja outfit required. Over there you creep, at 0 dark thirty or whatever other time bike boy is snoozing.
Two potatoes, sized to fit stealthily yet firmly into each of its noise-farting stink tubes (the exhausts). Potato needs to fit nice and tight in there.
There will still be a loud noise (BANG!), but it will be a short one, likely followed by the pleasant, relaxing cursing sounds of your victim. Like a gentle brook those curses will be to your ears.
No-Reach-9173@reddit
Sub 5 dollars. Buy a small bag of QuickCrete remove dipstick dump a table spoon or two in. Bonus points if you can remove the oil filter and jam a small screwdriver through the inside bits before replacing it. Step one will require a good flushing and a new filter maybe clutch. Step two will fuck the engine entirely.
It never sets up so it's going to keep scouring everything it touches until something breaks.
PM-ME-YOUR-BUTTSHOLE@reddit
Find out when he sleeps, get an equally loud (or louder) motorcycle.
Also, get your own boat and next time he moves his boat, park your boat in his spot, but get a smaller boat so it doesn’t impede traffic.
squidface11@reddit
Exactly. I also wake up around 4am for work. This guy is definitely going to sleep early.
SubBass49Tees@reddit
Craigslist often has free boats listed. Just pick up a few and park them on either side of his...particularly where his trailer hitch would have to hook up.
zwooly@reddit
I know a guy on the south side of Chicago…
Ok-Assumption-1083@reddit
The Pope can do much, but I don't know if Harley riders are capable of conversion.
CapitalBlvdBreadstix@reddit
You rang?
throwawayswipe@reddit
the worst punishment would be to go up to him and give him a long ass spiel about how annoyed you are kind of like this post
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
Oh, you don't like my post?
throwawayswipe@reddit
I didn't read your post, all I'm saying is that if you REALLY want to annoy him, go and lecture him. Unless he's a scary motorcycle type.
LsG133@reddit
Shoot some type of oil into his exhaust pipes so they smoke when they get hot
He’ll think something’s wrong with the bike
bigvicproton@reddit
It's a Harley, they do that anyway...
BearAssedRunner@reddit
How about have a conversation with them before resorting to asking literal retards for advice on what to do?
Outrageous-juror@reddit
If you can, get his Tire valve covers off. Add a pebble or a BB in there with super glue. Put it back on. It will leak air slowly.
He will always come back to a flat. He will take it to the shop at least 4 times and pay.
The first time, they will check for leaks and send him away after charging $40
The second time, they will again check for leaks and might swap the valve. $40
They will recommend new tire the 4th time.
A new wheel the 5th time.
If you are lucky, the asshole has some fancy caps that he will carry over to the new value / tire / wheel to finally find the issue.
OldERnurse1964@reddit
If he goes to work at 4 he’s probably trying to sleep at midnight. Play loud obnoxious music at midnight
goodguyatheist@reddit
Light him up with a paintball gun tape a bunch of tacs to his seat
butty_a@reddit
Drop some diesel on the road outside his drive, then watch him spin at a low speed. Unlikely to he injured, but his pride with be smashed and his bike damaged. He'll probably want to take a car after that.
thedrunkknight1@reddit
Yard sign with the South Park memes about Harleys being fags
ukuleles1337@reddit
Well, what if they are gay, and have a Harley?
Well, then they are a gay f ag, what aren't you getting about this?
thedrunkknight1@reddit
Lol. Imagine just a complete storyboard of yard signs next door 😂
Working-Narwhal-540@reddit
Season 27 dropping on the 23rd!!
majarian@reddit
Potato in the tail pipe, it's a classic
Pleasant_Expert_1990@reddit
Why not a classic? Banana in the tailpipe
Working-Narwhal-540@reddit
Wrap a condom around his tail pipe. Bonus points if you use a pocket pussy instead!
shit_ass_mcfucknuts@reddit
Banana in the tailpipe.
IwishIcouldBeWitty@reddit
Steal the motorcycle and chop it for parts. Harley parts are expensive.
The_Bandit_King_@reddit
Throw a piss disk at him
PastyMcClamerson@reddit (OP)
Ts for the win😂😂