Do you know anyone who's had an actual midlife crisis?
Posted by SheepishSwan@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 540 comments
I'm early 40s and I realised today that I've never actually known anyone who's had a midlife crisis, but all I know about them is from movies and TV. So I started wondering if it's real at all, or outdated.
P.s. I did buy a sports car in my late thirties, but that was just a coincidence š¤£
AdditionChemical890@reddit
My partner had a midlife crisis. Sadly I was only 22 at the time so really struggled with how to help, but it was a full on, existential suicidal doom spiral. He quit his job in corporate law and was talking about working in an abbatoir š. Luckily he trained as a therapist instead hahaha
TranslatorOrnery8120@reddit
The father of my childhood friend told his wife of 30 years that he no longer loved her. Separated with her, ended up dating a girl who was in her early 20s (younger than his own kids!) he gave up their mortgage free home , moved into a dingy little 1 bed flat. His kids stopped talking to him, he lost contact with his grandkids. All of his life long friendships fizzled out. He got really fat because his diet went from good, home cooked foods to takeaways all the time. The girl in her early 20s broke up with him and he eventually came crawling back to his wife... who won't let him move back in with her haha š what a loser of a man .
GavinF83@reddit
Why is it people expect men to just put up with unhappy marriages? If a guy is unhappy and leaves his wife heās considered a scumbag. Thereās never quite the same attitude for women that leave their husbands either. Wonder if the kids would have cut off their mum had she left him. Doubt it. I get it more when thereās an affair involved but it doesnāt appear to be the case here.
His biggest mistake in this situation was walking away from the house.
Unless thereās more to this story the only people who donāt seem like a scumbag in this situation is the father and the wife. His kids and friends clearly demonstrated they didnāt give a shit about his feelings so maybe heās better off without them. Hope it works out for him.
anonymously_quiettt@reddit
His marriage wasnāt that bad if he went crawling back?
FindingHerStrength@reddit
Good on the ex wife! I hope she never takes him back
JBB2002902@reddit
My husbandās boss fell into a deep one after lockdown!
Now heās in his mid 50s and has an 18mth old baby and another on the way, and his goal to retire before heās 60 has gone out of the window as he lost all of his savings and his house in the divorce!
SwitchSmart7151@reddit
Thing is... is he happy? If he is, then I'd say thats a result.
anonymously_quiettt@reddit
Are the kids happy with a pensioner for a da?
DreamtISawJoeHill@reddit
Having two kids is hard work in your 30's, can't imagine the physical toll in your late 50's, them kids will be running rings around him.
Individual_Rule8771@reddit
In my mid 50s and I just see all that as far too much hard work, not happiness.
AutoPanda1096@reddit
Horses for courses.
Some people will be happy to settle and cruise in to the end without worrying that they never lived the life they really want.
It's a blessing really. You sound like you are at peace with the decision.
TedGetsSnickelfritz@reddit
Yeah people only say crisis when they disagree with the persons actions. Like calling someone eccentric instead of crazy when are also successful.
Own-Helicopter-5558@reddit
If you're gonna do it, do it properly.
Mispict@reddit
My friends dad did similar, but was almost 60 and left his wife of 40 years and fell out with his adult children for a 23 year old. They now have a 6 year old and a 3 year old, he's nearly 70 and is utterly miserable.
sluttracter@reddit
Was he minted? Why would a woman want that?
Mispict@reddit
No. Nobody understands it to be honest.
Estrellathestarfish@reddit
I bet the now 30s wife isn't particularly enjoying having a pensioner for a husband either.
pajamakitten@reddit
She will be changing nappies again soon enough.
Alternative-Fox-7255@reddit
omg
Mispict@reddit
He wasn't a catch at 60 either. It was all very odd.
cari-strat@reddit
My dad ran off with the neighbour because he was bored with the fact that my mum was running herself ragged caring for his father and her own parents, all of whom were in their 80s, and didn't want to spend her evenings doing wild and exciting stuff because she was basically bloody knackered.
Within three months (during which time he had to take on considerably more responsibility for his 89yo father), he had considerably more understanding of my mum's feelings, the novelty of his fancy woman had worn off, and he was already wanting to come home. His old man then dropped dead, which caused him even more shit, and he followed suit shortly afterwards at the age of 45, largely down to the stress of his own stupid actions.
AutoPanda1096@reddit
Never too late to live the life you really want.
Good for him
spirit-animal-snoopy@reddit
But shit for the loyal ex wife, older kids and especially the teenagers with a geriatric father
SheepishSwan@reddit (OP)
How dare he consider his own happiness!
TheInterneAteMyBalls@reddit
I feel like if a women did this she'd be applauded for taking control of her life (and perhaps rightly so, very much depending on the nuance of her situation, the details of which nobody gives a shit about here).
shimbe16@reddit
Let me, on behalf of the whole British public say, waaheeeyyy
chainedtomydesk@reddit
lol what a stereotype! How embarrassing for his 17 year old son.
Somerlouise@reddit
My dad (in his 80ās) has a friend who left his wife of 35 years for his daughterās best friend. Married her and had two more children. He is now also in his 80ās and has teenage daughters causing him grief and a wife who is now also in longer a hot young thing. He is still working as he needs the money. He will frequently moan to my dad that it isnāt fair that my dad has retired and can play golf all day. My dad just laughs. The grass isnāt always greener on the other side.
BiscuitBoy77@reddit
That is indeed a crisis!
Serious-Sample-249@reddit
Okay, now that does sound like a true mid-life crisis!
Ok-Muffin-3864@reddit
King among men š«”
Limbo365@reddit
My 61 year old boss had a 3 year old
Very similar story....
squiblet12@reddit
Love this story!
Mclarenrob2@reddit
my dad bought a Subaru Impreza and had it stickered up like the WRC cars, in his 60s.
deprevino@reddit
I know two people who ditched their entire family around middle age and basically had a complete personality transplant. People they used to hate are now their friends, hobbies and beliefs they used to love are shunned, and it's really disconcerting to be around them if you know what they used to be like.
To be honest the concept of a 'midlife crisis' probably hasn't helped because it's been a easy way to normalise what are probably serious untreated mental health issues. But yeah, definitely exists.
unnaturaldoings@reddit
My BF has gone full on into the health, fitness and diet phase and lectures anyone who'll stand still long enough. I feel sometimes that if you have to bang that nail in so much, then who are you trying to convince? Crazy thing is they used to be really fun to hang out with and now they judge you for a glass of wine (I'm by no means an alcky but surely a glass with dinner isn't as bad as binge drinking which we both used to do 10 years ago) its made hanging out less fun. I'm also looking after myself and I get that eating better, working out and drinking less is a good way to go but lets not make that our entire personailty aye!
teerbigear@reddit
I agree with the other guy, BF is boyfriend. You want BFF. But I do understand why you are now less keen on the second F.
I agree with you, moderation in all things, including moderation.
unnaturaldoings@reddit
But BFF stands for Best Friends Forever and I'm not 6 years old so I wouldn't use that phrase EVER!
My boyf/partner would be what i'd use again because I pretend to be a grown up. But only in moderation ;)
Spirited-Ad6733@reddit
Lol the ālectures anyone who will STAND STILL LONG ENOUGHā sent me ššš
Herne_KZN@reddit
And thatās how you get people to increase their daily step count.
unnaturaldoings@reddit
OMG don't get me started on the step count! Now they want a dog to increase the daily steps!
Herne_KZN@reddit
ššš
kotare78@reddit
Health evangelists can be the most insufferable. I get that exercices is beneficial and makes you feel good because I've been doing it quietly and consistently my entire life without pestering people about it.
discoveredunknown@reddit
Agreed. I am someone who eats healthy most of the time, but if Iām out Iām living it up like a scumbag, burgers, chips, everything. Iāll lift weights 2-3x a week and do a couple long runs. Went on holiday with this couple who were evangelists, banging on about breathing techniques when running and getting up for it.
They had an idea to āgo for a runā to start the holiday, and I said yeah fine whatever. Agreed the route and they were doing my head in thinking Iād be slacking, bombed it off at the start and the last thing they saw was the soles of my trainers till I rinsed them the whole way. There is nothing worse than people banging on about health and fitness, I do it for my own benefit and I am fully aware absolutely no one cares.
dibblah@reddit
The "health evangelists" are always the ones who judge you for not being good enough at whatever exercise they choose. You never lift as heavy as them or run as fast as them. They're not happy if you just exercise casually, you have to be all in.
I've got some friends who are happy to come out for a slow run with me, and I know others who would just use it as an opportunity to tell me how I should be faster and train differently.
kotare78@reddit
Iāve had that experience cycling. Mates just couldnāt seem to accept I cycle for the simple joy of it and exercise is a welcome side benefit. Fine to enjoy Strava and monitor improvements but donāt assume everyone has the same motivation or goals.Ā
unnaturaldoings@reddit
I mean she's inspired me in some ways it was inevitable that the constant pod cast dumps or reels I get sent at 5am to motivate me. But you can't even say oh look I've lost 2lb because you'll get lectured. Its become insufferable! Incidentally I've lost nearly, 2 stone in 6 months but I did the work ;)
TeHNeutral@reddit
I thought you meant boyfriend and was wondering how you've maintained a relationship with such a person
Captain_Swing@reddit
Not a midlife crisis, but a friend of mine tried to kill herself while we were at school. I went to visit her in hospital and she looked like my friend and she had my friend's voice but whoever that person was, she wasn't the person I remembered. It was creepy as fuck.
No-Drink-8544@reddit
Isn't it their choice to change their personality?
You might think it's hypocritical, two faced, they were lying all along who they really were, etc etc.
Well maybe they did genuinely like everything they used to back then, "if you know what they used to be like" honestly you dont sound like you liked them, youre just unhappy they've changed. Have you considered it yourself?
Anytimeisteatime@reddit
A friend of mine did something similar. I'm definitely unhappy they changed- in fact, I felt huge grief as if they had died for the first year or two after it all happened.
She went from being an incredibly loving, kind, thoughtful person who had a stable life but plenty of interest and excitement (really into music, as was her husband, so they'd write and play music together, big circle of board game friends, regular travel to Singapore where she had distant family links, work travel to Europe). Then she demanded an open marriage, immediately broke the few boundaries put on that (e.g., no unprotected sex), started working out obsessively and being weird about it in public (doing pull-ups on the bus and bragging about it), then decided to move to a different country she'd only visited once. Then a few months later, deleted all her social media, changed her phone number etc.Ā
Another friend and I were worried she was having a mental health crisis and managed to track her down and speak to her briefly. She said she'd realised she didn't like anyone she used to like and was a different person now and had no interest in remaining friends, and to please not contact her again.
It was really sad, we'd been really close for over 10 years, had lived together for a couple of years, and, as I say, I grieved her for a long time. Now, I think she felt excited about reinventing herself and it was much easier to decide to hate everything about the old her than to actually do any processing or accept that all of us contain contradictions and hugely varied potential. She preferred to just drop everything that wasn't exciting and took a little effort.
No-Drink-8544@reddit
Well in my opinion leaving a marriage that way shows a poor character, if I ever was unhappy in a relationship I'd end it and let that person go not try to destroy the connection through risky and disapproving behaviour such as seeking out sexual partners and calling it an open marriage which seems like a scapegoat.
That said, I am convinced from your text that you're hiding a lot of your real, deep down feelings you might have had towards her. We have close friends and then just "friends", like I could imagine a friend where I know their favourite meal, they know my favourite meal, I'd call them immediately to tell them a new album or game has been announced from a group we both love. She doesn't sound like she was a really good friend, as hard as that is to hear.
Minimum_Rice555@reddit
Yeah. I think this mostly boils down be a mental health issue at its core. Male mental health continues to be a taboo topic despite decades of campaigns.
SuzLouA@reddit
Honestly, you make a great point - though a lot of people in this post are discussing things like taking up marathon running at 40, the biggest health issue we should all look at fixing at that age is any mental health stuff we might have lingering. Sorting your head out is one of the most valuable things you can do to improve your quality of life.
Iām personally thinking of my much loved sister in law, who was in her early forties when she took her own life, but it applies to anyone who finds themselves struggling with feelings like this. This is an age where things youāve been managing to juggle and just about cope with for years can really start to get on top of you, and finally fixing them should be a top priority for more of us.
vvvvaaaagggguuuueeee@reddit
Are there any details whatsoever you could share please? Cos I just don't get how what you're saying would play out in real life. Is it a political thing? Is it a class thing? A flat earth thing? Or religious thing?
deprevino@reddit
I knew one of them very well and I can say that they suddenly became very egotistical and explosive, especially at any perceived obstacle to their 'new life' - we're talking things like stalking someone for days until they found an opportune moment to slash all four of their car tires and flee. Literal cartoon villain behaviour. No religious or political motivation as far as I know - they perhaps seem more right wing but that's probably a byproduct of being so angry and resentful in general.
Both of them were very close to their families yet suddenly decided that they hated them and were just too good for the life they were currently leading. I can understand fatigue and wanting change, but there's a real instability beneath it all. I honestly think the pair of them need sectioning,, but sadly in these cases you find lots of people who don't know the full story and just applaud their "bravery".
vvvvaaaagggguuuueeee@reddit
That's just so. fekking. odd. Aye, that must've been super crazy to see going down. The slashing tyres thing is mental though.
Historical_Owl_1635@reddit
I also know two people who did this, and both times it was considered completely out of character for them.
One day they just decided they werenāt happy with their family, one told his partner before disappearing and one just sent a text. Both eventually regretted their decision, one of them got taken back in however the other one didnāt and from what Iāve heard is now a drug addict (he had never done drugs before).
Something in common about both of these people is their whole life they pretty much did everything by the book straight away, had a good career, stable long term relationship, owned their houses. Whilst most of us in our 20s were still fucking around they were already settling down for life.
A part of me wonders if they get major FOMO because they didnāt get to experience the things others were going through.
Serious-Sample-249@reddit
IMO its rarely a real mid life crisis as in behaviour that is totally self destructive. I think it's used as a bit of a joke or something similar. Although I am sure there must true instances of mid-life crisis
Another_Random_Chap@reddit
My sister was living in Dublin, working for a large retail chain as a reasonably well paid middle manager. She desperately wanted to leave, ideally to get out of retail, but she couldn't find anything. So she had a midlife crisis and went to teach English to school kids in Japan for peanuts.
Few-Pepper858@reddit
I hope she doesn't have a peanut allergy
No-Door-3181@reddit
If you don't mind me asking, is she still doing it? Was she happy?
Another_Random_Chap@reddit
She loved it, but the scheme she was doing it through got shut down because of the Tokyo Olympics so she had to leave. She's now doing similar in the Czech Republic.
SwitchSmart7151@reddit
One of the mums at (private) school did. Divorced her husband of 15 years. They were quite wealthy, she got most of the money, the large detached house etc. Got together with the local DPD delivery guy. In the space of about 6 months she had two tattoo sleeves done, stuff with "live laugh love" etc.
She blew threw the money in about four years, bought two Range Rovers and had three or four hols a year. Few months ago she had to sell the house, and now she works part time in the local Co Op.
Her husband started a tech company, married a younger woman, has two kids now, and the three older kids all live with him, he has a lovely six bed detached house and his new wife is stunning and really nice (shes our vet).
10b0b@reddit
Never dropped his crown. š
namegame62@reddit
... TWO Range Rovers?Ā
... At the same time?Ā
SwitchSmart7151@reddit
Yep. I guess she wanted to make sure at least one was working at any given time š
Loulerpops@reddit
Honestly why on earth did she get all the money and the house too??
SwitchSmart7151@reddit
I dont know the full details but she had never worked and was dependant on him for income. He had a good earning potential, in order to get a clean break (so she could never claim any future money from him) he had to give up a massive amount of assets etc.
Again, dont know the full numbers, but the house alone was about Ā£1.5 million with no mortgage.
Opening-Fortune-4173@reddit
'Guess who's 'live laugh loving' now!' Sorry couldn't resist
Pargula_@reddit
I'm happy it worked out so well for him.
Opening-Fortune-4173@reddit
'Guess who's 'live laugh loving' now!' Sorry couldn't resist
Brilliant-Offer-4208@reddit
Yes. Me.Ā
kconway202@reddit
Brene Browne has written a very good essay called The Midlife Unraveling. Google it. Or Google You could have been a contender by yours truly.
tinytink05@reddit
20s and had a mid-life crisis. Keep spending a oner on scented candles.
PoeticLE@reddit
Plenty of people in my extended circle (late 40s/50s) had midlife crises in their early 40s. A sports car doesnāt really feature that heavily in midlife crises any more. Only one person I know went down that route. Most took the less boring but more sensible route of extreme exercise (triathlons, iron man etc), extreme house moves paired with complex building works, or pets. A small minority had affairs, and the subsequent couples counselling and/or divorces kept them occupied
SleipnirSolid@reddit
How does starting to take your health seriously or picking up a new hobbie = midlife crisis?
Seems a bit unfair.
Jesus Christ. If the definition is: making some changes to your life to feel better. Then I'm proudly having a midlife crisis. Thanks!
Traditional_Top9581@reddit
Because it often accompanies a realisation that you're on your way out? Age 20, most don't care about their health because they have youth in their corner. Eat whatever. Drink whatever. Snort whatever etc etc. Hit 40 and you probably know a few people who have died, a decent bet that some will have died from heart disease (i.e. avoidable). Visits to the doctors are more frequent, you're picking up obvious issues, many have started long term medication, morning aches are more pronounced, and have any host of things which make you realise "actually, if I don't sort out my health I might be dead in 5 years". Even in your comment you mention "to feel better", indicating that you feel like crap. That seems like a crisis to me?
Damodred89@reddit
What do you think 40 is?
Creepy_Tension_6164@reddit
Statistically mid-life?
That's literally the point, "oh shit I've had most of my life already, I better be healthy to get as much extra as possible".
Noone ever said a midlife crisis needs to be unhealthy.
Damodred89@reddit
I meant the heart disease bit!
artrald-7083@reddit
Your description seems more like 60 than 40. I'm in my early 40s. The only people I know who have died are either older than my parents (who are still relatively active, though my mother was slowed down for a few weeks after an accident that would've put anyone in the hospital) or died other than of natural causes. The only people I know who have had heart disease were over 70 at the time. My only chronic health conditions are ones I have had all my life. The only people I know on long term medication are diabetic. I ache less than I did aged 30. I've been to the doctor once in five years.
I mean, I do eat more fibre than I did aged 20, I do make an effort to keep fit, I do make The Middle Aged Man Noise when I sit down in a chair after I come home from work, though to be fair that's because I just cycled ten miles.
I do also feel a general air of no longer being Mummy's special boy which has led me to take a hard look at why I was feeling hard done by, and do something about that (in my case, that was to budget Ā£20 for frivolous luxuries a week and ensure I spent it). But at no point has there been any air of memento mori to all this. As I said, I feel better than I did aged 30.
Fit-Vanilla-3405@reddit
Triathlon isnāt ātaking your health seriouslyā itās letās get a hobby that is over the top for anyoneās goal of ātaking your health seriouslyā and spending 3k on gear and registrations instead of joining a gym or going on a run.
Cultural-Ambition211@reddit
A sprint triathlon is 750m swim, 20km cycle, and 5km run. Most reasonably fit people could do that without specific training.
Scratch_Careful@reddit
Very reddit acktshually comment, yes short triathlons exist but thats not what most people train for, most people who "train for triathlons" have standard/olympic or ironmans as their goal.
Cultural-Ambition211@reddit
Are you involved in the triathlon community? I am. Sprints are incredibly popular and lots of people never progress beyond them.
Scratch_Careful@reddit
No im involved in the mid life crisis community.
maxpayne919@reddit
Laughed out loud!
SuzLouA@reddit
This comeback genuinely made me laugh. Well played.
Dutch_Slim@reddit
Yes and this is the only type I see really - party people that hit 40 and then go hardcore.
One of my extended smashed an Iron Man yesterday!
lazyplayboy@reddit
completely wrong
PraterViolet@reddit
I'm immensely fat and unfit and I could do those three.
MovieMore4352@reddit
Well, I guess Iām not reasonably fit then.
I mean, I think I could finish it, but Iād be last.
Cultural-Ambition211@reddit
Youād be surprised actually. There are some pretty slow people (not that thereās anything wrong with that!).
MovieMore4352@reddit
Itās the swimming Iād struggle with most I think. I think I could do the cycling and running (us use the term running loosely, I run like Woody from Toy Story).
Cultural-Ambition211@reddit
Swimming is a lot of peopleās weak spot. Annoyingly itās my strong point and you can barely make any time up on it as itās such a short distance!
Adjective_Noun-420@reddit
Same. Great at swimming but canāt run for shit and a comically clumsy cyclist. They should make a triathlon thatās 5km swimming, 1km run, and 5km cycle for people like us
Cultural-Ambition211@reddit
Iād place top 10!
WilliamShaunson@reddit
This is a peak crab mentality comment
Fit-Vanilla-3405@reddit
My husband is a triathlon runner and he calls it his midlife crisis because it was a major upheaval and shift in his dedications and focus.
Iām not a crab about it ā the crab is the person who objected to us lightly mocking people who do triathalons and marathons at 38 as a personality and calling it a midlife crisis! So what itās a midlife crisis, itās a healthy one and itās not hurting anyone. But it is just that.
WilliamShaunson@reddit
You're the one who called it over the top.
Fit-Vanilla-3405@reddit
For the ultimate goal of taking your health seriously. Plenty of people, including myself, take my health seriously. I cut out alcohol, lowered my cholesterol and do more exercise now! But over the top is the āmid life crisisā part of making it a personās āthingā. Over the top doesnāt refer to triathlons. It refers to dedicating your weekends and to triathlons in the guise of ātaking your health seriouslyā.
WilliamShaunson@reddit
Fair points. Your original comment came across a bit differently to me.
Agreed no-one needs to do a triathlon to take their health seriously, but what I have noticed is that people who do start to take their health seriously will begin with running. Soon becomes parkrun every week. Next thing you know it's an obsession.
greyman1090@reddit
Just say you can't do one , it's fine. Not everyone's built the same.
MmmThisISaTastyBurgr@reddit
Triathlon is better than focusing on just one thing, like solely running, because it spreads the physical load over the different sports. That makes it less likely to stress particular body parts and cause injury. It also doesn't have to include expensive kit at all.
Fit-Vanilla-3405@reddit
My husbands 2 pairs of shoes alone cost Ā£350 and hrs in the water for a third of the whole event.
Donāt get me wrong itās a good mid life crisis to have! Iām glad he didnāt pick the car or an affair.- but he could have just joined a community health centre with a pool if he just wanted to get in shape and take his health seriously. Instead he became a ātriathlon guyā.
He gets allotted time to talk about it and then he needs to stfu and every item he buys has to come out of his monthly spend rather than any joint accounts even the little eating things that give you energy while racing.
Living-Plate-3419@reddit
I honestly feel quite bad for him. The health benefits he has are vastly better than just joining a community health centre, and his life expectancy is probably going to be far higher, due to the fact he'll push himself more. Here's a guy who's taken up something pretty impressive, making himself better, and you don't even sound proud of him. He gets alloted time? This poor guy doesn't just need to stfu, he needs to gtf out of his situation. Many people spend Ā£350 on a couple of nights out and come home drunk and unhealthy. Honestly, poor guy
Fit-Vanilla-3405@reddit
He has it rough. I am the worst. This is Reddit so you should recommend he divorce me.
Living-Plate-3419@reddit
I was in a relationship with someone who didn't support or care about something healthy I did and it ended up being the reason I left, it beat me down for years until I couldn't cope. Even then, I wasn't "alloted time" to speak about what I enjoy and I honestly can't imagine being in such a controlling relationship. Basically what you're saying is because you have no interest in the samw hobby, you have zero cares for his interest in it. It's just a really unhealthy way to be in a relationship and I honestly hope you at some point realise how good it is that he's doing something like that. Are you not even slightly proud of him?
Fit-Vanilla-3405@reddit
You have no idea what you are talking about. I have given up 25 out of 52 weekends every year to cheer him on and traveled around the country + world to see him run swim and bike. I buy him his special protein powder and I hand wash his dumb overpriced outfits. I bought him tickets to the European Championships next year. I am well supportive.
Still I reserve the right to tell him he doesnāt talk about anything but triathalons. And mock him mercilessly for being āthat guyā who he always mocked before.
TheInterneAteMyBalls@reddit
What.
Triathlon'ing is very literally 'going on a run'. You just happen to swim and cycle on other days...
Cycling is a great hobby, and I can spend as much or as little as I like on it, because it's my bank account, and life. And you have fuck all say in it.
Swimming cost Ā£13 for a paid of trunks and a gym subscription you told me to get.
Fit-Vanilla-3405@reddit
Exactly. And they donāt do that - my husband being one of them - they spend Ā£2000 on gear and register for triathlons 300 miles away and they talk about it non stop. Go for a run, swim and bike - thatās getting healthy. This is a midlife crisis.
TheInterneAteMyBalls@reddit
Erm, I'm not here to talk about your marriage.
But I'm sorry you dont like your husband... maybe better luck next time?
Fit-Vanilla-3405@reddit
I lovingly mock one of his hobbies while I spend my weekends watching him swim in freezing cold water from the sidelines. What a Reddit take.
PeevedValentine@reddit
Don't forget the destruction of your knee cartlidge! Losing bone lube isn't naturally reversible.
turk91@reddit
No, you THINK it's over the top.
Your opinion and facts aren't synonymous.
Arrogance and naivety is such a poor trait to have.
Fit-Vanilla-3405@reddit
Youāre so right. Same as yours. So thanks for your opinion.
turk91@reddit
I didn't give an opinion I stated a fact. The fact of the matter is you merely think it's over the top. I never said whether I agree or disagree, just pointed out they your opinion isn't a fact.
You stated your opinion as a fact. I simply said that's what you THINK not what it is.
Your reply is redundant.
Fit-Vanilla-3405@reddit
You donāt need to say āin my opinionā for something to be an opinion. Subjective things just are. Ice cream is good, California is fun, triathalons are over the top are opinions - because of the nature of the goodness of food, enjoyability of a place and feelings about a thing.
So you my friend made the first redundant post.
Essentially saying āthatās just your opinion, manā to someone who told you ice cream was yummy.
Ok_Plankton4763@reddit
Typical crabs in a bucket syndrome. If someone has decided to start exercising and doing triathlons, it must be a āmidlife crisisā rather than them taking it seriously and enjoying it.
rositree@reddit
I think it's the evangelism/obsession that comes with it that pushes it into midlife crisis territory rather than just trying out a new thing and doing it every now and then.
kotare78@reddit
I've met people in their twenties, thirties, forties who adopt a new hobbie and then go on about it. I think it's quite normal to be enthusiastic about something you're enjoying and tell people about it. I agree people can take it to extremes and allow their hobbies to become their personality but that can happen at any age.
Free_Ad986@reddit
This just sounds like undiagnosed autism tbh š
damwookie@reddit
We've all met people who've bought a sports car and had an affair on their 20's as well. That doesn't negate the existence of people experiencing a midlife crisis.
Cloud-Yeller@reddit
That just means that they're going to kick the bucket in their 40s.
RegularStrength4850@reddit
Good point. Look at how insufferable some groups can be in their hordes, and how young people rule the trends etc (good that they can rule at least something). But people see someone of a certain age independently choose something sensible and healthy, and the decision is to reduce it to a desperate lunge to be ridiculed/judged, instead of being happy for them. Crabs in a bucket.
Yes I'm nearly 40 XD
Fruitpicker15@reddit
Some do take it to extremes. There was a guy at the gym who got into it in his 40s and became a PT but took it too far and started monitoring his girlfriend's calorie intake. She wasn't on board with it and it turned into coercion and emotional abuse, telling her she was fat and ugly.
Narrow_Ad1119@reddit
Yeah i agree. Going to the gym isn't a mid life crisis. Seeing yourself ageing and deciding to be the next Dave Goggins = midlife crisis.
qiba@reddit
I think the defining factor is that the life changes and evangelism are driven by existential dread.
feralhog3050@reddit
I'm AuDHD, literally everything I do is with evangelism/obsession, or at least for the first few weeks
summers_tilly@reddit
The people I know that turned 40 last year became obsessed with hyrox. As in, their whole week revolved around hyrox training and then they would go abroad once a month to do a race. These are people that were already moderately fit who became obsessed with this specific event as if thatās what gave them meaning.
lazyplayboy@reddit
If this isn't adversely affecting their family or other important parts of their life then it's okay, right?
summers_tilly@reddit
Of course itās ok and to be honest, I can imagine doing something similar when I turn 40 in a few years. I was replying in a thread about what makes extreme exercise seem like a mid-life crisis. I was chiming in as OP mentioned ironman and triathlons, Iāve seen the fanaticism first hand for hyrox. Not sure if I sounded judgemental in my post but Iām a supportive friend and Iām happy if theyāre happy.
1182990@reddit
For sure... it's also the radical overhaul aspect. Completely changing your life around as you realise the grave is creeping ever closer.
Slyspy006@reddit
A midlife crisis is typically when a change takes over your life to the detriment of existing relationships etc.
CuriousSummer793@reddit
I agree. I started a new sport a few years ago in my early 30s and met a lot of people who started it in their 40s or 50s. Itās given us all a new social community and good friendships as well as something fun to do on weekends that doesnāt involve going out and getting drunk. Donāt know why thatās a bad thing! To me itās great to have something positive to focus on so that my life doesnāt just revolve around work, sitting at home, and going out for food and drinks.
yoleus@reddit
Yeah it's not a midlife crisis symptom imo. Calling it that is how a couch potato copes with seeing someone improve themselves and worrying they should do similar but knowing they can't be arsed.
Also I think getting a niceish car quite often gets a worse rep than it should. For a lot of people, around about midlife is when they're finally able to sensibly afford one after a long time of wanting one and not having one.
pajamakitten@reddit
I take my health very seriously and there is no chance I am doing a triathlon. The guys at my gym who are taking their health seriously are the older people now hitting the gym and working with the PTs, they are not out there training for triathlons.
EasternCut8716@reddit
When I was younger, I played rugby league. I would look ridiculous do that now but still exercise. Were I continue to desperately try na dplay with kids it would be more of a MLC, not less.
EndofunctorSemigroup@reddit
I'm one of those older people and there's a lot of us in my gym. We're all warming up our rotator cuffs and doing mat work and deadlifts while the younger ones are building massive arms or legs. It's all good and they'll join us in due course : )
When people ask what my fitness goal is I tell them it's "to get out of the car without grunting" (achieved)
pajamakitten@reddit
I am 33 but doing what you do. Big is nice but having some muscle mass with great joints is nicer.
EndofunctorSemigroup@reddit
Agreed! I do woodwork as a hobby and with pretty big pieces (I made some lovely shelves out of five slabs of 3m long 2" thick 12" wide rough-sawn oak I got for a steal) so I do do a bit of shoulders too : )
What's interesting is that the fittest men in my gym are all older chaps who do nothing but bodyweight. Women my age tend to be more into endurance cardio - bikes and treadmills etc.
This might be particular to my gym and its location, I don't go to any others so can't compare.
pajamakitten@reddit
Agree on the women but the fittest men are the ones who have been lifting for decades now. They are not pushing for PBs or anything. They just turn up 4-6 times a week and just do their usual routine like they do every week.
Traditional_Top9581@reddit
Strongest , yes. Fittest is questionable. I was under the impression that cardio is significantly better for health outcomes than weights. I mean, you sound like a weights fan - what's your blood pressure like? (only because it's a pretty decent marker for heart disease, which kills plenty in the UK)
pajamakitten@reddit
You need to do both. I do 2+ hours of cardio a day and lift 4-5 times a week. Never measured by blood pressure so I could not tell you what it is.
EndofunctorSemigroup@reddit
Hah yeah, wish I'd been introduced to it a few decades earlier : )
Cloud-Yeller@reddit
I'm probably older than you, I'll be playing xbox and annoying my herd of cats.
skinbin_dj@reddit
Good for you
EasternCut8716@reddit
Indeed. I often think these things are healthy reassessments of life.
StarSpotter74@reddit
What usually happens though is a couple get married, they have children and a few years down the line the husband decides "you know what, I'm going to train for a marathon and use all my free time running and I'll leave my wife struggling at home with the children while I know she's not getting any time to do anything for herself"
Traditional_Top9581@reddit
Well luckily we're in an age where women have mouths, so if they aren't happy with this then obviously they can raise it with their partner and resolve the issue, or leave the situation. Because, you know, women are adults with self determination.
StarSpotter74@reddit
This is true, then when women do the husband thinks they're being nagged and then "the divorce came out of nowhere"
InternationalSpray75@reddit
Itās the Ā£10k bike they buy to do the Triathlon with that = Midlife Crisis š¤£
SuzLouA@reddit
A midlife crisis really just means the reaction to the visceral realisation that youāre not young anymore and that one day you will die. Some people choose buy sports cars or shag about because they feel theyāve wasted their life thus far, others take the far healthier approach of doing stuff that will improve the quality of the life they have left. Itās not necessarily an insult, itās just that most people have that realisation at about the same age and do usually do something in response.
Jammastersam@reddit
Was thinking exactly this.
Superb_Ad_9394@reddit
When they say a health kick we don't mean just getting into better shape like most do, we're more talking" couch potato suddenly wants to do ultramarathons/other extreme levels of fitness"
CheesyLala@reddit
I don't think that's what they're saying. A midlife crisis doesn't have to be a bad thing. Lots of people get through having kids, maybe they're financially secure for the first time or recently divorced or whatever, so they pick up new habits, hobbies, obsessions, whatever.
It's not a criticism of people who live a healthy lifestyle to say that some people go from a bit fat/lazy to being fitness freaks. in a short space of time. It's just a recognition that they are reinventing themselves aged 45 or whatever.
Ok_Donkey_1997@reddit
Taking your health more seriously and getting into extreme sports are two different things.
minigmgoit@reddit
Check.
Just completed my first marathon aged 47 after a very sedentary life up to this point. To be honest Iām not sure Iāll do it again. The build up, training and post run pain is enough for me to reconsider ever doing it again. I will definitely continue to run halfās though. Theyāre fun.
Justboy__@reddit
How long would you say it took to train up to it? Iām 36 and really want to be fit enough to do a marathon at least once but I really donāt get the time to regularly run enough at the moment so Iām constantly building up fitness then losing it again after a few weeks.
I keep telling myself when the toddler and baby are a bit older Iāll do it.
minigmgoit@reddit
Thats entirely dependant on how far, if at all, you are already running?
Also the training requires consistency. Youāll be running regularly, and distances that require a decent amount of time out of your schedule. It requires it (the training) to basically take up your entire life and focus for a while.
I ran a half marathon last year then a couple of months after that I got an injury that took me off running for 3 months. I started running again in February this year. 3 times per week with weekly increases of a couple of km. Stretching runs up to 10k x 3 then stretching one run slowly up to 32k while continuing to run 2 x 10k in addition. It was savage and time consuming. I can run a half marathon with ease now though which is wild and can even āpushā a half marathon and run at pace which is again crazy to think about.
Justboy__@reddit
Well life unfortunately keeps getting in the way. At my fittest I was running 5ks most mornings before work and starting to increase the distance then I got an ankle injury. Then I had a kid and another one 3 weeks ago so the last 4 years has just been all consumed with that.
Iām going to struggle to get sufficient time to train for a while I think but Iām going to probably sign up for some 10ks next year and start from there.
minigmgoit@reddit
FWIW, I live in the tropics, itās disgustingly hot here for about 8 months of the year. I used to get up really early and do all my runs before the sun comes up. By the end I was waking up at 03:00-03:30am to do the runs. It was the only realistic time it could be done here.
The only other advice I can offer is that 5k will always seem challenging while thatās the furthest you ever run. By increasing youāll change that. Then you can start having run with 5k runs like deciding to try and beat your BP or having an easy run.
Just increase 1 run by a km per week while keeping the other 2 at 5k. Youāll begin to notice a difference really quickly. Youāll be sore after the big run so save that one for the weekend.
And remember to enjoy it. Running has changed my life in more ways than I can possibly explain on here. Itās been on of the most important things Iāve ever done for myself. I love it mostly.
PuzzleheadedFlan7839@reddit
Find a marathon plan and stick to it. Itās different for everyone I think, Iām not mechanically cut out to run for miles and miles but some people can do it seemingly effortlessly. A big one for marathon training is time on your feet - your fitness will be amazing but your lower legs will scream at you.
Like the commenter you replied to, I got to the 16 mile distance in training and that was my weekend done lol. My legs would seize up. In hindsight (I was 32) I should have done more cross training with weights etc (I just ran a lot) but yeah. I completed the marathon which was over in a flash but the training was too much!
Halfs are great, a challenging but doable distance :)
minigmgoit@reddit
Yeah. I did a lot of strength training in addition to the running and my legs were still shot. Interestingly I ran the first 30k in 3 hours. Just my normal long distance pace. But the second I ran past what I had trained up to my legs were shot and my slowed right off. Afterwards I met many people who said the marathon begins at 30k. I had not heard that before (I trained in complete isolation and wasnāt clued into running lore etc). The last 12k took 1:45 which is really slow. My legs were just done. If I were to do it again I think Iād train like you said (for time) and try and get up to 4 hours. Was an interesting and quite emotional experience. I was ruined for a few days though and I still donāt feel much post run.
greyman1090@reddit
Turn 39 this year , just done 2 triathlons and potentially and iron man next year š
ThisIsWhatLifeIs@reddit
That's not a mid life crisis? Maybe they got tired of waking up with a bad back and wanted to do something about it?
doodles2019@reddit
I was gonna say marathons and similar are probably more indicative nowadays
VolcanicBear@reddit
Ironman - check (became a genuine hobby though).
Pets - check.
Extreme house move - genuinely looking for it lol.
At least I get mine out of the way in my late 30s.
a_boy_called_sue@reddit
You left out the affairs...
ParsnipMammoth1249@reddit
He is not using a throwaway account
setokaiba22@reddit
Is that a mid life crisis though? Doing a triathlon or trying something different? Doesnāt necessarily mean it is - you wouldnāt say that at someone at 30?
November16th-1938@reddit
I think the term "midlife crisis" is just another bs shame-word designed to stop people doing what they want.
squidgy314159@reddit
Since I hit 50 I am obsessively playing an FPS computer game 24/7, been told I am having a mid life Crysis.
AnyBug1039@reddit
You found a computer that could run it?
OrderNo1122@reddit
I'm 41 and giving serious consideration to training up as a security guard.
NortonBurns@reddit
Friend of mine got a soft-top Porsche and an 18-year-old girlfriend.
It didn't end well.
The wife was possibly the least pleased of the three.
DangerousSeesaw@reddit
A family friend announced he was gay, left his wife and kids, shaved his hair off, got a tattoo on the back of his head and went on regular, multiple day benders.
BigRedTone@reddit
My (obviously, now ex) wife did the same. Tattoos on the hands and arms, weekend long benders, now has a (and I know this sounds like a cliche) big butch wife.
Everyoneās very happy. I am, kids are, i have a degree of sympathy for the new wife but she seems happy enough.
Serious-Sample-249@reddit
I was going to say maybe it's a man thing but you've just proved me wrong ,š
eat-real-chips@reddit
My (big butch lez) also very lesbian wife left me for a woman 17 years younger š so yeah the rainbow mafia are at it too
Ps actually lesbians have the highest divorce rate it is Scary
Serious-Sample-249@reddit
Really? That surprises me šÆ
nonsvch1@reddit
On this one, it sounds more like he had been in crisis for a much longer time than your post seems to credit. I canāt imagine the horror of being in the closet with a wife and a family. Poor guy, I hope heās doing great.
Annual-Load3869@reddit
Hope his wife is okay too
missesthecrux@reddit
Iām gay and I agree. He didnāt need to ruin somebody elseās life, most gay people donāt.
Annual-Load3869@reddit
Yeah like I understand feeling the need to conform but the option to stay single is there? I donāt really have sympathy for people trapped in the closet who build a life with someone and then just decide at 50 to come out and bin them off for a new life like that is so awful!! I want people to be able to live authentically and Iām sad that some feel they canāt or actually canāt for religious or cultural reasons. Every situation is different and I canāt begin to imagine the torment that is being unable to come out but there are a million other options besides settle down and betray someoneās trust.
Huge-Armadillo-5326@reddit
Last sentence could have two meanings given his new found admiration of cock.
Motor_Town_2144@reddit
Most likely bothĀ
chi-93@reddit
The entire comment is only one sentence. So what do you mean by ālast sentenceā?? :)
naturepeaked@reddit
Yes
chi-93@reddit
Great, got it š
spammmmmmmmy@reddit
The whole comment was one sentence
Priscaney@reddit
With stories like this it always makes me wonder if they'd actually just been masking their whole life, trying so hard to be something they're not (like pretending to be straight when they're not), now they're just being who they always were been all along.
Unusual_Debate@reddit
Could be a midlife crisis or he just came to terms with being in the closet.
Helpful-Fennel-7468@reddit
Maybe heās confusing the bender and the gay part.
AnimeBritGuy@reddit
I'm 29 and have seen 3 people in their 50's just completely implode and blow up their lives for what seems like no reason.
Normal middle class families. Nice house, a few kids who are well behaved, a holiday abroad every year and overnight it just flips. One of the parents leaves, gets a divorce, remarries with someone the same age as their eldest child, some plastic surgery too.
Obviously I won't ever know what it was like behind closed doors but to me it all looked happy.
humpbackkwhale@reddit
Not a crisis....but I know several people who have struggled mentally and emotionally when their kids have grown up and move out. Needing to find a new way to spend their time and wanting to feel needed more. And searching for a new hobby/purpose. Often 40s.
DogBreathologist@reddit
Yep, finished cancer treatment and dumped his wife (who had literally nursed him on his death bed and loved him to pieces), got a sports car and started dating a 23 year old. She cleaned up in the divorce, but didnāt change that sheād dedicated her life to loving a man who was a pos that betrayed her because he āwanted to experience life with someone youthful, and wanted kids now.ā Even though he literally convinced her he never wanted kids even when she did, and then she was too old to have them.
GavinF83@reddit
Out of interest how did she clean up in the divorce? Given they had no kids I donāt see how it wasnāt a 50/50 split.
DogBreathologist@reddit
From what I know she had a bloody good lawyer, I donāt know all the particulars other than that because I didnāt ask. They may have had a prenup, and as he cheated that may have worked in her favour, Iām really not sure Iām sorry.
GavinF83@reddit
Fair enough, was curious. Thanks for responding. Wasnāt clear in your first post heād cheated either so I can understand the whole thing a little more.
Was this in the US? Cheating doesnāt have any influence on the divorce outcomes in the UK and prenups arenāt generally considered legally binding.
DogBreathologist@reddit
Australia, we have a no fault system also but I have a feeling if infidelity can be proven it can impact financials. I do have a feeling there was some other stuff that impacted it as well but she didnāt want to talk about it.
Goose-rider3000@reddit
Yeah. Iām in the middle of one.
SheepishSwan@reddit (OP)
How do you know it's the middle? It could be the end!
Goose-rider3000@reddit
Letās hope so
SweetLittleLies1@reddit
I don't think mid-life crises actually exist. I think people hit their 40s, realise life is short, and stop being so bothered about what other people think of them.
New tattoo? Knock yourself out. Motorbike/flash car? Do it. Stop being in a relationship for the sake of your kids? Go for it.
From a 41 year old woman who got her 2nd tattoo on her 40th birthday, but has the same car and is still happily married to the man she met in her 20s.
Disastrous-Buddy4632@reddit
I quit my job, went back to uni, started smoking and got several cats. Does that count?
GeometricPrawn@reddit
Iām having one as we speak. No word of a lie. Itāsā¦not fun.
lion_in_ma_bathtub@reddit
Yes. Me
EtherealMind2@reddit
It's me, threw it all in, live on a Narrowboat. Now a medical cannabis patient so I vape weed and chill out, read science fiction, and exercise
MopvivII@reddit
Pretty fucking nice crisis you had there man, fair play!
Timely-Ice5039@reddit
Sounds and looks fantastic š
kkbell1@reddit
This is my dream
Remarkable-Ad155@reddit
I started doing drugs again (mostly weed, mdma, not really a big deal) if that counts? Haven't ditched the wife and kids though, Earning more than ever and generally fairly relaxed and happy so don't know if "crisis" is right.Ā
MopvivII@reddit
Snap! Very happy with my (probably to most people boring) analytics job and my whole Dadlife; partner and two kids and all that.Ā
As 40 started rushing closer, I did do some self examination but ultimately decided I was actually pretty happy with this; all that was missing was swapping the beer belly for occasional weed and even more occasional bike rides
kingofthepumps@reddit
Sounds like you've got a great life to me, no need to tarnish it with the 'crisis' brush
eat-real-chips@reddit
Just saying, there are so many middle aged people at CrossFit, itās like youāre not allowed in unless youāre at least 40
Previous_Kale_4508@reddit
I suppose I had a crisis: I hit 40, was made redundant, my first wife left me for someone who had a job, and I had a mental breakdown. I almost ended up homeless and destitute, but thankfully had good friends who saw what was happening to me and got me to see doctors and such like. I still haven't fully recovered, but I'm now in my 60s, so I did survive the experienceā¦ and got a second wife along the way. š
BN_florida_man@reddit
Iām not middle aged yet but I have known several men in my life have midlife crises and do fairly extreme things.
I feel like the absolute classic is to start thinking your wife/ family have been holding you back and sleeping with someone younger is a way to make your life seem fulfilled.
The worst one - he told us heād started believing in aliens after a weekend of visiting conspiracy theory websites. He ended up upping sticks and moving to a remote part of the country where it was safer when the apocalypse came. The aliens stuff calmed down after a few years but in the end he was still in the middle of nowhere.
Thinking about it now - do women have midlife crises?
eat-real-chips@reddit
Yes ā¦.but usually we donāt abandon our children whereas a lot of the men waltz off into the sunset and become a Disney dad (aka part time āuncle daddyā
bored_toronto@reddit
I am middle-aged and bought a couple of synthesizers thinking "Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Jean-Michel Jarre". Also joined a gym at the start of the year.
innerbrat@reddit
My BIL left my sister and the kids to have an affair with his 20-something employee. I assume that counts.
nomadicpanda@reddit
I'm 37 and in the last few years I've realised I'm gay (not bi, only really had relationships with men in the past), quit my corporate London job to go work in hospitality in Scotland and then threw it all in again and moved to New Zealand on a working holiday visa. Oh and I also did the London marathon this year.
My friends think it's on brand but I suspect many casual acquaintances are like WTF
eat-real-chips@reddit
Welcome to the š family x
The-Baron-Von-Marlon@reddit
Genuinely if you have a circle of friends in their 40s and none of them are having mid life crises then you aren't noticing it because I can assure you its happening.
Benreh@reddit
Jokes on you, I'm in my 40's and I don't have any friends.
The-Baron-Von-Marlon@reddit
Well you do now and im in a perpetual state of midlife crisis.... . So now 100% of your friends are having a mid life crisis....this has been quite the turnaround for you. Im excited. š
Benreh@reddit
Shit, would you like to come to mine and help me swear at my motorbike till the clutch fixes itself ?
The-Baron-Von-Marlon@reddit
No probs but only if youre ok with me repeatedly asking you if you think im thinning on top and if its bad enough that I should get hair implants...basically when I ask you if you pause for more than two seconds that means yes.
The-Baron-Von-Marlon@reddit
If i can add to that.... youre in your 40s and posting almost daily on reddit... a mid like crisis isn't buying a Porsche and marrying a 21 year old.... it takes many forms
chulldogchillydog@reddit
Yea he got himself banned from driving twice in the same year and now wonāt be able to insure a car for the next 5 years. Heās a farmer too so he needs to drive
bartread@reddit
I mean I learned to ride a motorbike aged 38 then immediately bought literally the fastest and most powerful motorcycle available on the market at the time. I've changed bike a couple of times since then but for nearly 10 years, until I got married, a motorbike remained my primary transport because it was just a lot more convenient than driving.
Does that count?
Left_Weight4447@reddit
I'm in my 40s age I've just bought a cowboy hat, if that counts?
Remote-Pool7787@reddit
Yep. Left his wife and kids, bought a fancy car, found a much younger girlfriend. Absolute bellend
Terrible_Biscotti_14@reddit
My mum went off the rails in her early-mid forties, coincided with the end of her long term relationship (he ended it), so her and my older sister went out regularly, got drunk and picked up random men. She does also have various mental health conditions too.
My dad (parents divorced a long time ago), shagged all his partners friends.
Im just about to turn 40, so far all Iāve started doing is going to gigs and festivals, purely because my kids are growing up so I can. No desire to go banging my husbands friends yet š
FaithWandering@reddit
A person we know decided to walk out in his wife for a woman at work and get 2 tattoos before following a band around Europe for their farewell gig if that counts š
AlexMC69@reddit
I took up downhill longboarding at 44, and at 47 quit my job to bum around Thailand for 3 months. I get it.
stillnotdavidbowie@reddit
I know a few men who hit 40 and left their wives for literal teenagers, fell out with their families, don't see their kids anymore. Basically torched their entire lives. I'd say that qualifies.
Gibbo1107@reddit
None of us have enough money to have an actual mid life crisis
Top-Weakness-9316@reddit
Iām kind of having one still. M48. Got into motorcycling and horses.
YarnPenguin@reddit
I don't think people can afford the traditional sports car, divorce or facelift any more.
Icy_Tip405@reddit
Yeah know a guy, happy married two kids. Hooked up with some 20 year old, she went and told the wife and told the wife she is his now. Hahaha.
Wife crippled him with child support and house payments.
Then got 20 year old pregnant, spent a year begging wife to take him back.
Now lives in a flat, blaming immigration for his life failing
namegame62@reddit
was the 20 year old an immigrant
I'm picturing Ali G's solution to the refugee crisis, where he only takes the fit ones
Fun-Explanation-8278@reddit
Ah yes the immigration defence.
I have a friend who hasnāt held down a job for longer than 3 monthsā¦in over 7 years. He walks out of each one for a different reason. Then he blames it all on immigrants ātaking our jobsā.
angelic_darth@reddit
"They terk err jerbs!"
Fun-Explanation-8278@reddit
They tok r jobssssss
Ok_Young1709@reddit
Loads of people like that up here. Immigrants are taking their jobs, but you offer them the same job? Oh no I can't work in a factory! Well who else is going to take you, you don't even have high school qualifications and have zero job experience at 30? š
HardAtWorkISwear@reddit
I'm 34 and I'm getting the urge to shave my head and buy a new car, so that probably counts.
LegitimatePieMonster@reddit
I did.
I hit 46 and realised I'd become a shell of myself. I lost my sense of identity and I wasn't living my life, so much as my ex's life... I was just orbiting around him.
I was miserable for 6 months then finally pulled the plug after he started to physically threaten me... I think seeing me change and become non-compliant/no longer pandering to his moods triggered him.
2.5 years out and I feel like I've got 'me' back. I doubt those who knew me when I was with him would recognise me. I'm happier, I got back into fashion and style. I go out to nice places and holiday abroad which are two things we never did because he wasn't interested in it (2 overseas holidays in 12 years). Finally, I reconnected with my friends and am building a circle of friendships that are meaningful to me and not colleagues or useful people to him.
Thinking10Thinking@reddit
I know someone who used to dabble in drugs and alcohol every now and then. On approaching 40 itās like something clicked and he went full blown into having all night/ pushing all week benders. Heās got kids at home and a wife. Itās still a mess and not looking like itās getting better any time soon.
FakeNordicAlien@reddit
Iām not sure if Iām having one or if itās just an extension of a full-life crisis. But the last eight years or so have been one disaster after another.
my82m9@reddit
Snap, 8 years in from the age of 35.
āļø
Eisenhorn_UK@reddit
Sorry, buddy :-/
oliviaxlow@reddit
I have a theory that most middle aged men who suddenly take up road cycling are going through a midlife crisis
Benreh@reddit
What if my road bike is 8 years old and a rusty banger? Does that still count.
SmugDruggler95@reddit
Its so perfect for it.
Good for the body, meet new people, buy new clothes, get obsessive about gear and "tinkering", the hint of danger, the excuse to get away from the family, pints or cakes at the end of a ride...
Motorbikes and fishing are cool but Motorbikes are expensive and the problem with fishing is that youre very easy to find even if the phones off!
rwe46@reddit
Iād argue cycling is just as expensive as motorcycling once you look at carbon bikes.
CarpeCyprinidae@reddit
Only if you obsess about speed rather than the sensation and enjoyment of it. I'm not an obsessive rider but I do enjoy my 1996 road bike that I bought for Ā£45 five years ago. Don't even own lycra
SmugDruggler95@reddit
Not even close lol
If youre looking at top range Carbon Bikes for cycling then compare to new Ducati or BMWs.
Thats before insurance, leathers, helmet, petrol, bike stand and tools, MOT costs etc etc
I do both and they are almost a class divide apart in affordability
robowns87@reddit
Iāve a fairly avid cyclist, have been for years. My current bike would probably cost me >Ā£8k to replace, albeit Iāve built it up over time and the frame is UK made titanium custom to my specific measurements, so canāt see me replacing (value argument to my wife).
Also lived around motorbikes all of my life - a few national level racers in the family, havenāt owned one myself for nearly 15 years mind. It seemed to me that almost overnight, say 8-10 years ago, litre mass market sports bikes (gixxer, blade, R1) went from like Ā£6-7k to Ā£15k.
The above comment about road cycling being more expensive was possibly true before that period, but not a chance now. You used to be able to get a hardly used second hand 600 for a few grand, no chance now. Iāve been to race meets with my cousin, the costs are absolutely phenomenal, can do a grand in tyres in a weekend; if you crash youāre cooked, even with local sponsors.
rwe46@reddit
Think you need to check modern super bike prices. Theyāre more like 20k plus now all specced up.
Racing is insane. I supported a 600cc super stock racer a few years ago and the tyre bill (as well as brakes and fuel) was eye opening.
robowns87@reddit
Yeah I mean they jumped up to Ā£15k overnight and are beyond that now, shouldāve specified but I completely agree mate.
rwe46@reddit
If youāre comparing top end bicycles with Ducatis etc then obviously but thatās a bit unfair. I meant you can get a nice bike for 5k and all the rest for what a carbon road bike would cost.
SmugDruggler95@reddit
Well yeah but carbon bikes are at the top range of bicycle prices.
I was just saying cycling is generally a much cheaper hobby to get into which it fundamentally undeniably is.
You can get a good enough roadbike second hand for a few hundred. I got a Trek SL 1200 for like Ā£200 recently and that is completely capable.
Similar_Quiet@reddit
You're assuming you just have one bicycle though. That's not the proper number to have.
Minimum_Rice555@reddit
Oh definitely, saw a bike for 5 grand in decathlon the other day. Was wondering what's up with that. My car cost less than that.
Ok_Young1709@reddit
I think they just do it to escape home life and having to deal with kids.
BoxAfter7577@reddit
Or running. Millennials canāt afford a sport car or a divorce
naturepeaked@reddit
No. They just need time away from the house. Having a hobby isnāt a mid life crisis.
Annual-Load3869@reddit
No doubt about it
BrokenIvor@reddit
Youāre onto something. My partner has become an obsessive bore about road cycling.
Upset-Elderberry3723@reddit
I don't like the conceptualisation of them as crises. Rather, I think it may be true that people overall to through several energy/purpose-seeking cycles throughout a lifespan, and this might be tied to key biological milestones or simply tied to a certain number of years passed. Perhaps even more individualised and with the influence of external factors and personal (or average, or fixed) lifespan.
Imaginary-City-8415@reddit
Swap the word crisis for recalibration and itās making more sense for most of us. Somewhere around the 40 mark we find our own voice and either love that conversation or feel like we are taking to a stranger. I took up exercise and went back to a love of mine in my 20s (cooking) that Iād ditched in my 30s; I dropped a lot of the armour Iād been wearing in lifeās battles, and with that found more scars than I realised, some linked to things in my life that were still cutting. Thereās a bravery in being able to listen to the self within and make changes, even radical ones.
Itās a journey that can be celebrated just like other major life milestones like turning 18 or 80. I think a crisis might unfold if too many of your habits or people around you want force you to stay steady and unchanging for their sake, for the sake of familiarity; you can become lost in that world, your own voice silenced.
If you have the support of people around you and can get over your fear of change, then why not shift your status quo, and find a deeper connection with life. It doesnāt have to mean chaos.
Regular_Zombie@reddit
I like your take on it. Unfortunately lots of the stories of midlife crisis are people making radical changes to their lives which up-end the lives of others. I don't think it's brave to listen to your inner voice when that voice is telling you to leave a long term spouse and children because it's more fun having more freedom.
GavinF83@reddit
While an obvious consequence of leaving your long term spouse is pain for several people and that is obviously unfortunate whatās the alternative? I donāt see how staying in an unhappy marriage is exactly a reasonable solution either.
Of course if the issues can be worked on, either between the couple or via counselling thatās great but thatās not always possible.
Imaginary-City-8415@reddit
I agree that there can be specific situations that are tougher on one party than the other, tragic even. I know a couple that broke after 25 years and two kids because the guy left to live with another man. It was messy and painful from what I was told and could see.
And yet they were also in a non-perfect relationship where social convention and habit had dominated their choices and eroded the love. Neither was truly happy but they didnāt see any other choices. They did tough it out for the sake of kids and they could have carried on for the sake of standing within their local community, but it that would have been living life for external validation. The guy definitely would have been better listening to his inner voice long before he tried to be something he wasnāt, but thatās part of aging right. The wife had more of the trauma I think from the break up, and the guy had been carrying guilt for a lifetime and probably continues to.
So in this instance lives were upended and it was kinda brutal. But once the dust settled it became at least honest.
BlackberryNice1270@reddit
I think at mid-life people suddenly have more disposable income and less responsibility because their children are now fully independent. They choose to celebrate that by experiencing once more, or for the first time, the things they enjoyed, or wished they could have enjoyed before. They also realise that they need to keep healthy. Personal mortality is a lot closer at 50 than it was at 20!
RichKiernan@reddit
Yep, a friends Dad went with the stereotypical sporty car and got heavily into road cycling. Bought a bike that cost Ā£3k and this was in the late 90's.
Bike got destroyed one day after the sports car, well I say sports car it was a Ford RS2000 escort, rolled off the set of ramps while he was working on it and back into the garage crushing the bike between the car and the wall. He did not find it funny like everyone else did
Tallicababe123@reddit
I'm 40 in January. Not sure if I'm having a mid life crisis but I'm eatting better and doing better skin care as I want to feel good at 40.
Thebighairyone2020@reddit
You have to first define what mid life is.
Everyone is different and actually determining what equates to a mid life crisis is pretty much unquantifiable.
theshedonstokelane@reddit
You pickin on me?
throwthrowthrow529@reddit
Guy in my team handed his notice into me last week.
Heās always been abit rogue, kind of guy that would go out for lunch and youād never see him again, but performed well and liked by everyone.
Anyway, hands his notice in, breaks down crying. Never seen a hint of emotion out of him.
Basically, turns 30 next year, wants to go travelling or heāll never do it, moving to Japan. Iāve put him on a 6 month sabbatical and welcome him back when heās ready.
However, I believe heās having abit of a mid life crisis.
Sitonyourhandsnclap@reddit
He'll either see out the rest of his days in a monastery in the himalayas or come back and be a ball crushing bossĀ
throwthrowthrow529@reddit
Well the guy doesnāt really like talking to people. So Iām not sure how this travelling thing is going to work.
I remember him saying once āIāll talk to you if youāre talking to me, but Iām not going to start a conversationā š
Sitonyourhandsnclap@reddit
Yea it'll either be the making of him or he'll hate it and be home in a month. Probably just needs to work some shit out for himself and as clichƩd as it sounds 'find himself' and figure out wtf he's doing on this planet. We've all been there, more than once I might add.
bossplw@reddit
Kind of you to give him a sabbatical. He might just need to get it out of his system. I did at that age, saw 30 on the horizon, packed in a relatively good job, went backpacking and then moved to Canada š
Effective-Pea-4463@reddit
I know plenty of people doing marathons š
Witty_Ad_7290@reddit
Sounds like a mid life crisis is just getting to the age and position in life where you have the financial flexibility to do what you want. Iāve done the sports car thing (granted when I was 30) and started getting fit in my 30s too. What are you supposed to be doing if thats a midlife crisis?
Honest-Librarian7647@reddit
My early 40s coincided with Covid, so yes, so far the decade has been one long crisis
Ambitious_Rent_3282@reddit
My Dad got into doing Ironmans in his early 50s and left my mother a couple years later for a younger woman :/
Ambitious_Rent_3282@reddit
I did at 45
EmpireofAzad@reddit
Started playing D&D in lockdown. I think thatās as close as I got.
Cadbury2014@reddit
Iām early forties too. Since turning 40 Iāve become incredibly bored and disillusioned with life and desperately need a midlife crisis but not sure what to do about it! I bought a sports car at 27 so I canāt do that. I think I feel this way because Iāve always earned rubbish money which has meant that anything remotely fun is off the cards. Iām now so sick and tired of being what feels like trapped in a cage that I just want to do something ridiculous. If I was single I think I would move somewhere unexpected or something but I canāt do that.
a_petch@reddit
Going off the other responses, sounds like you need a road bike...
Cadbury2014@reddit
Now thereās an idea. To be honest Iām not sure Iām brave enough! Maybe an off-road bike. Either way I think me on a bike would scare the living daylights out of everyoneā¦.
a_petch@reddit
Meh, to hell with everyone else!!
luciferslandlord@reddit
How do you afford a sports car at 27 on bad money?
GarlicEnvironmental7@reddit
You can get an MX5 for Ā£2k. Depends on your definition of a sports car
CarpeCyprinidae@reddit
You can get an mx5 with terminal rust on the chassis for Ā£2k. One that's going to last costs rather more
MovieMore4352@reddit
Yeah, as long as itās rear wheel drive, two seats and no roof itās a proper sports car imo.
BoogerSantos@reddit
MX-5.
Cadbury2014@reddit
Ha ha, not quite!
MovieMore4352@reddit
MR2?
Cadbury2014@reddit
Z3. MR2s are nice though!
MovieMore4352@reddit
Swing and a miss.
BoogerSantos@reddit
Wow yeah, it's my other attainable dream car, speaking as a 90s kid.
Cadbury2014@reddit
Because sports cars arenāt necessarily expensive. The reason most people donāt have one is because theyāre impractical, not because theyāre expensive. It was an old Z3 when I bought it in 2010 and I still have it now. It cost 3k and I havenāt bought a car since. Most people have spent several times that on depreciation alone. Thereās also an assumption that all sports cars are āsecond carsā but I run mine all year as thereās no way I could stretch to running two.
luciferslandlord@reddit
That's fair. Lovely car, but she must be a fuel guzzler haha. The engine in those things is quite big innit?
Cadbury2014@reddit
It is a bit as itās a 2.8, I only afford the fuel because I do a very low mileage in the week and at weekends we use my other halfās car. If I had a longer commute or had to use it to go anywhere else Iād have to think again I think!
luciferslandlord@reddit
I want one now lol. I've just been looking at them on autotrader haha. I'm 28 and not on a great wage but maybe someday I'll afford an impractical beauty like your car haha
Cadbury2014@reddit
It is doable if you donāt have to run another car and donāt do a big mileage, Iāve only ever been on pretty much minimum wage. Theyāre slowly starting to creep up in price now, for the good ones. Mine has 214,000 miles on the clock so is probably worth pretty much nothing now!
luciferslandlord@reddit
It's worth every mile you used it mate! I bet you've had a blast :)
BoogerSantos@reddit
Most on the road in Britain have a 1-point-something-litre I4. There was a V6 model later though.
Crazy-Practice1918@reddit
I feel like I could be writing this! (Although I bought my beloved MX-5 aged 29) I still regret the day that I stupidly sold it -Ā was pregnant and you can't fit a baby seat in an MX-5 unfortunately.Ā
My only regret in life is never having lived abroad and I'd move away tomorrow if my family life allowed it,Ā even if just for a year.Ā
Cadbury2014@reddit
Yeah if Iād had children Iād have had to get rid. Iād love to live abroad too, even if only for a bit. Although depending on what it was like I might not come back!
Crazy-Practice1918@reddit
100%. I'd just love to live a totally different lifestyle for a bit.Ā
Cadbury2014@reddit
I think thatās it for me, Iām bored of the same old routine all the time, Iād love to experience a different culture and way of life. It doesnāt help that I read travel books and things like that where people have started new lives overseas - it probably makes it sound way more glamorous and interesting than it really is!
Serious-Sample-249@reddit
Come to think of it my ex husband bought an MR2 when we had 3 kids, I kind of thought it was kind of of weird choice but now I understand!
Katskan11@reddit
Have you got kids
im-yxz@reddit
me but i'm 20 so
inkdrockr@reddit
Im currently going through mine at 37. Ive recently purchased an old crt tv and vcr, got my old ps2 out and have been buying games and vhs tapes for a few weeks now š
bigfatpup@reddit
My dad keeps buying convertible Jaguar XJ-Sās that need working doing to them. When I say keeps buying, heās got 2, but still feels like 2 too many considering heās too busy to actually work on them š
bellathebeaut@reddit
Latter half of my 30s I quit my job, went back to uni and restrained for an entirely different profession. So that kinda felt like a bit of a mid life crisis though it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.
Bethbeth35@reddit
What did you retrain into if you don't mind me asking? Looking for a career change and nothing has really grabbed me yet.
bellathebeaut@reddit
Occupational Therapy. It's a really varied and fulfilling job. Would recommend it!
Bethbeth35@reddit
Interesting, a couple of friends of mine have done that, one works with kids and the other with hospital patients. Perhaps I ought to give it some more thought! Thanks for sharing
Swimbearuk@reddit
Maybe me?!
I've just reached a point where I don't have a mortgage, the tax man wants to take from any interest on any savings, earning money seems pointless beyond having enough for day to day living (I don't have kids, so no major expenses or anyone to inherit from me). So I work part time and I am reducing my hours to the minimum I need for pocket money.
I enjoy doing sports in my free time, but always have, so not sure if that's a mid-life thing, but I do swimming and take it fairly seriously despite not being at an elite level.
The reason I am not sure about it being a mid-life crisis, is that I don't feel like I am chasing my youth. My age means I have health issues so I don't feel young, but I don't want to be in my twenties again, and I don't want a sports car or other things that might be typical of a mid-life crisis.
In fact, I am probably really looking forward to getting older and retiring. Work sucks, and I will be really happy when I don't have to do it anymore. I just hope that I get some good retirement years and don't just work until I die.
StepfaultWife@reddit
Apparently me asking for a divorce was a midlife crisis, and I was a crazy middle aged woman who had used him for his best years.
It wasnāt. It was a healthy and sensible decision.
And if those were his best years I am glad I didnāt see his worst.
twojabs@reddit
I am currently having a midlife crisis. Sorry, no wait I'm just dehydrated and over stimulated and the kids won't stop narcing at each other.
Diddleymaz@reddit
My husband, left his job, spent a lot of money supposedly to start a business, ended up trying and realising it wasnāt for him. Thankfully he was the hired at a much better job and continued working there until he retired.
Dnny10bns@reddit
Most of the people I know. I'm the normal one because I did it all in my 20s and 30s.
CrystalPalace1850@reddit
Getting all your random shagging out of the way in your twenties is the most sensible thing to do. If you don't, you crack later on, and it's not good.
Dnny10bns@reddit
It's mainly the drugs now. I cained it for 20 odd years and quit it all around my early 40s. It's Russian roulette the older you get imo. I look around at mates who are into their 50s and still doing coke and mdma. Mad bastards. š¤£
A couple of beers and a cheeky bong or two Friday nights is my goto nowadays.
banedlol@reddit
I've just had a life crisis and now I'm middle aged
FindingHerStrength@reddit
Take my upvote! š
Dark_and_Morbid_@reddit
A relative came close to buying a Harley bike but their spouse put their foot down, thank God. They would have been killed whilst looking stupid.
Hopper-1986@reddit
My ex father In law had 3 bought a motorbike a convertible then a boat. Was nuts as he had them for a few months then just moved onto the next thing
Left_Belt1874@reddit
Yep...my older brother. And I've said that to his face lol. He's in his mid-forties, married, two kids, great house, job and a cute dog...picture perfect life in paper I'd say.
But I think he missed he's rebellious years too much, especially as the older out of 5 siblings. So now he's the "cool" uncle (emphasis on the " "). Buying Sports Cars, younger outfits, asking our younger siblings "what's cool right now".
All very harmless I think, but it is a self admitted mid-life crisis lol.
The_Phantom78@reddit
I think I'm going through one at the moment...or it could be an existential crisis. It's not wanting to go out and buy sports cars etc but it's more confronting my aging, mortality and my goals in life. I've been battling anxiety and depression for years, which has made me terrified to step outside my comfort zone. This means I'm creatively unfulfilled.
lonehorizons@reddit
I once heard about a man who drove to Dundee in his bare feet while binge eating toblerones.
MovieMore4352@reddit
He bounced back though.
Sitonyourhandsnclap@reddit
But he'll never be as big as he wasĀ
Truecrimebitch1351@reddit
My dad has spent 40 years hating spicy food and has all of sudden decided he likes it not (and I mean SPICY food) he claims theyāre not even spicyā¦.
He also now eats vegetables (or rabbit food as he used to call em).
20 years of my life where I couldāve not dealt and eaten burgers and basic foods constantly but NOW he chooses to like spicy stuff and none basic foodsš¤£š¤£
No_Consideration7466@reddit
My dad did. Had an affair, which led to my parents divorcing. Bought a sports car. Had a lot of unusual girlfriends. Now he lives in the Philippines with a woman he met online.
Mediocre_Ad_1116@reddit
"a woman"
33backagain@reddit
Is getting really fit a crisis? That seems to be what Iām seeing, but that could just be us all realising that we donāt want to get old and frail in 20 yearsā time.
Minimum_Rice555@reddit
I know someone after an illness had a complete 180 of his previous life. From a completely normal shirt-wearing office worker dude shaved his head, got a cuban link necklace and bought a big chrome motorcycle. Divorced his wife and left the family for some new woman 20 years younger than him
Imaginary-Hornet-397@reddit
I have had about 3 of them lol. Usually involving me getting signed off work for months in end. Iām resigned to my fate now, and just counting down the years to retirement.
BaldPleaser@reddit
Going through one as I writeā¦..
Lived my life for others, always been there for family/friends. Loyal as fuck. Always gave my best and went that extra mile for work. Always gave good honest genuine advice when asked for.
Long story short, work got rid of me - my new boss; I was deemed a threat to her position as I found out later. Family fucked me off - for reasons I donāt know and now donāt really care. Ex left me after 8 yrs - she was cheating on me when I was spending all the time trying to build a future together. Friends mostly disappeared- I now only associate with those that call me first and genuinely care, all 3 of them.
Not worked for 2 yrs But bought my first house last year - weird as we had been renting for 10+ yrs before. Bought a new car (2yr old) six months later and blew my original budget by 90% (BMW X6 M Sport). Living my life by travelling, smoking cigars, womanising/ONSās and not giving a š© or stressing about what tomorrow may hold.
Yes, I can afford the monthlyās for the next few years but right now, Iām living for āMEā however selfish that may sound.
Fuck the lot of them. Aināt no one gonna be saving my ass but myself.
M53 (54 this month)
Apologies if itās TMI
lesloid@reddit
I think I might have done. I got a dog and quit my very well paid corporate job without another job to go to with a vague idea of doing āsomething more purposefulā. Never really labelled it as a mid-life crisis but thatās probably what it was.
LynxEqual9518@reddit
Some might say I went through a midlife crisis when I turned 40. And to some extent, they might be right. For me, though, it was more of a āturning my life around.ā I lost 10 kg, built a lot of muscle, got Botox, changed my career, and stopped being āpolite.ā That last part is probably what did me the most good, actually. I stopped caring about what other people think of me, stopped censoring myself, and let my inner bitch shine. I now match my resting bitch face perfectly. If youāre kind, Iām kind too. If not... well... letās just say you will behave afterwards.
MovieMore4352@reddit
You sound like a bit of tool the more I read.
LynxEqual9518@reddit
Really? That's sad.
MovieMore4352@reddit
I mean, I agree with the message of not caring less and being your own person. But I read that as youād become outspoken, physically stronger and would thump someone. š
Maybe I interpreted it wrong.
LynxEqual9518@reddit
As in beating them? With my mighty fists of thunder? No, sorry. I just meant that I changed my life through lifting weights and stopped letting other peopleās opinions hold me back from doing what I want. As a woman, that is surprisingly often frowned upon. Heaven forbid Iām not driven by the need to be everyoneās mum.
That doesnāt mean I step on others to get what I want, though. I still like to think Iām a somewhat pleasant human being (or at least I try to be).
MovieMore4352@reddit
Fair enough.
Significant_Froyo899@reddit
From a clean cut workaholic running his own successful business from 25 to 57 then throwing that away, then got divorced after 30 years, grew hair and beard, bought motorbikes, tattoos, wearing leather bracelets, shark tooth necklaces, earrings etc. got married, adopted new accent to match new family, divorced her, gave up motorbikes, gave up new accent, got more tattoos, now looking like Gandalf, got into vans, going to Ibiza, new wife who had property in Ibiza, not washing, more tattoos and a bit of piercing, wearing Ibiza hippy market clothes. He got it bad
NebCrushrr@reddit
I don't know if they're crises or not, but in my late 40s some friends quite rapidly ditched their open-minded, liberal or left leaning outlooks and moved way over to the right. It seemed to be accompanied by a new level of meanness and intolerance. None of them really wanted to talk to me any more, and I was pretty much ditched by my best friend who has gone full Elon Musk fanboy. Knowing some of the things they've posted online, I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with them any more even if they wanted to be friends with me. This might not be a mid-life thing though, the far right is obviously growing and it could be cultural.
Thevanillafalcon@reddit
Iām 32 but I will avoid having a mid life crisis because my entire life is already a fucking crisis babes
Iammysupportsystem@reddit
I don't know if it counts as midlife crisis, but my partner and I (40 and 39) realised we probably have undiagnosed autism/ADHD and finally started to heal our respective trauma. After so many years wondering why people were so confused we could be perfect for each other due to backgrounds, cultures and personalities, we realised that we simply speak a common language and bonded through trauma (not great but reality). It's a very rocky road because in the past year we have realised we are now middle-aged and feel lost with the supposedly best years behind us. We feel lonely and abandoned, but somehow we feel like ourselves for the first time, without needing to pretend to be someone we are not.
I honestly think a lot of people have similar midlife crisis where we finally decide to embrace who we are. No sport cars, just a hell lot of thinking and crying.
Blackmore_Vale@reddit
My uncle had one. Cheated on his wife, had a baby form the affair, started spending money he never had like it was going out of fashion and was just an all round horrible person to everyone.
The sad fact is though his wife took him back and when my mum asked her why, she admitted that being in her 50ās and on her own was a scary prospect.
SirJedKingsdown@reddit
My brother came out of the army, then moved to a desolate hillside in Italy. He's going to convert a Byzantine era shepherds hut, with no glass in the windows (illegal to install), doors (illegal to install) or floor (illegal to install, and has been used as a hikers latrine for decades). Currently is living in a tent and using YouTube videos to learn how to build a temporary shack so he and his wife won't die in winter. He has to fetch water from a stream that's a 40 minute walk over barely functional paths. He insists that once drone taxis become a thing it will be a superb glamping location.
I love him, love his ambition and wish him the best of luck, but I think he should have gone for a new sports car.
litfan35@reddit
I wouldn't call it 'midlife' since it happened at 31, but I did. I call it more a 'post-pandemic crisis' though. Woke up one day a few years after covid, really faced with the fact I had another 40 years of soul-destroying living to work and chucked it all away for a slower, happier life in Wales. So far, so happy lol
Samwiser86@reddit
Yeah me I've just got no money to do anything about it š¤£
EdmundTheInsulter@reddit
My Dad bought a trendy shirt at age 50 after years of boredom, but it ended there.
chipscheeseandbeans@reddit
My dad turned 40 the year The Matrix came out and promptly bought himself a full length leather coat and a pair of tiny sunglasses. Heās a nerdy guy and nowhere near cool enough to pull that look off, so you can imagine how much we took the piss!
HypedUpJackal@reddit
This is more insane than anything else in this comment section. Can you even look him in the eye and see the same man looking back after that?
SheepishSwan@reddit (OP)
I assume he was immediately sectioned and later lobotomised.
scorpiomover@reddit
Lobotomies are for wimps. Got to go for the full head transplant.
emcNOT@reddit
Do they still do this in Claireās or
_gooder@reddit
Maybe he can get one with hair!
Chops2917@reddit
Mine shaved off his moustache
theworldsaplayground@reddit
I'm 50 and just bought some over ear headphones. I've never had proper headphones before. I even wore them to the shop.Ā
m205@reddit
Nice.
Electrical-Media5319@reddit
Existential realisations can occur at any age and can end up being a positive thing. As our lives change, our roles, self image and how others see us change with that and sometimes this can leave a person feeling out of sorts and needing to adjust. Mid life crisis just seems another way of portraying getting older as a bad thing. Psychotherapist here - talk about this shit daily.
Xaerob@reddit
They are too unaffordable these days.
I can't afford a Porsche and I definitely can't afford an affair and divorce.
PariahExile@reddit
I know him, he's me!
Feeling burned out, can't find any joy in anything, constantly wishing for the past where I was happy, no goals or anything to aim for.
So yeah I bought a sports car, got tattoos and fuck escorts.
I'm a poster boy for it.
Firm-Painting-9630@reddit
I got a nose piercing which was apparently a mid life crisis. Im 35
crooktimber@reddit
Crisis is overstating it, but when I turned 45 last year I realised I was born closer to the start of the second world war than to the present day. That was astonishing to me. It seemed impossible. Then it happens more and more that you have clear memories of things that happened 30 years ago, and realise that if you look ahead 30 years, you're lucky if you're still alive.
This leads to big questions about how you're spending your time and energy, and why. For some, that will trigger dramatic and sudden change accompanied by degrees of panic.
Top_Dimension2618@reddit
The use of the word 'crisis' on a lot of these comments makes me think that when a man reaches 40, he is expected to settle for his life and interests staying the same for the next 40 years, until the blissful release of death.
grafeisen203@reddit
I know a guy who ditched his job, wife and two kids to run away and elope with a girl he met and had known for all of 2 months who was 20 years younger than him.
I'd say that counts.
Pericombobulator@reddit
GQ have an article on how they changed in nature,
https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/midlife-crisis-millennials?utm_source=firefox-newtab-en-gb
Aromatic_Tourist4676@reddit
Just a coincidence you say? I think everyone hd one in their own way.
Zig07@reddit
Anyone who goes cycling in their 40s with lycra on is the modern-day midlife crisis
bowak@reddit
What about those of us who wear lycra boxers as lycra is fucking amazing for anywhere that can chafe, but then have shorts and a t-shirt over that?Ā
Is it lycra on its own that's the problem, or just public lycra?
Zig07@reddit
In the UK its a bit of a thing you see groups of men in their 40s with full lycra riding around like idiots. Blocking roads, being general arseholes.
bowak@reddit
Full lycra is just for Halloween
Zig07@reddit
If only
Regular_Zombie@reddit
I'm not in my 40s yet but I've been cycling in lycra since my 20s... Seems unfair to have you give it up to avoid the midlife crisis label.
AbiesVarious@reddit
Fellas also known as "Mamils": Middle-Aged men in Lycra.
HannaaaLucie@reddit
My Dad had one a bit after midlife.
Just before his 60th birthday, he had his first ever mental health crisis, fully experienced psychosis, and ended up sectioned with a late onset schizophrenia diagnosis.
When he came home feeling better, he went for it. 2 brand new sports cars, spent an obscene amount of money on his house getting 2 new glass staircases put in, new doors throughout, new bifolding doors on the back. 3 abroad holidays and a cruise in 1 year. New clothes, shoes, watches, etc.
He's always been really tight with his money. I dont know if the prospect of almost dying made him realise he hasn't got all that much time to spend it or what.
UKgent77@reddit
Personally, I think it's more the realisation that life isn't infinite; money doesn't do anything for you when you're dead... So may as well enjoy it while you're alive.
HannaaaLucie@reddit
I think he had that realisation, too. He's never spent what isn't necessary, and he has a really good job, so he has plenty of money stashed away. He's definitely making a dent in it now.
UKgent77@reddit
I don't blame him. I've told my parents the same thing: I'm financially independent and don't need an inheritance, so they should just spend it on whatever they want.
Cartographer_Hopeful@reddit
Someone I knew had a midlife crisis that manifested in suddenly abandoning his missus and 2 children, ghosting his 2 best friends and running off to spend all his money trying to impress a younger girl - who he eventually married and lasted all of about 2yrs with before she divorced him
No fancy sports car here, but definitely a midlife crisis in my eyes
ompompush@reddit
Yeah my ex did all the cliche things and we split. 10 years later I am very happy thank you very much and he is still miserable. Those things did not find him happiness. Gotta do the inner work and not just purchase expensive stuff and stag younger women.
KibboKid@reddit
LoccyDaBorg@reddit
I was never really bothered about cars as a kid, so perhaps my equivalent is the fact in the last 18 months I've collected every single computer that ever existed from the late 70 through to the early 90s.
11 year old me would be so proud.
Spontanudity@reddit
No but I recently turned 40 and definitely feel something of an over analysis of the passage of time that I guess is the precursor.
cbawiththismalarky@reddit
Mine didn't really get going until I was 48
Regular_Zombie@reddit
That's reassuring: I thought I'd missed the boat!
cbawiththismalarky@reddit
In many ways it's made my 50s much better, good luck!
kingofthepumps@reddit
I think the vehicle of choice for a midlife crisis has changed from sports car to big, masculine, pickup truck thing.
Mitsubishi Warrior, that kinda thing. Deciding to become 'all outdoorsy' and whatnot. Tragic.
callmeeeow@reddit
My dad went full-clichƩ and bought a red, convertible sports car and he looked like a right twat. Fitting really, because he was a right twat.
BoxAfter7577@reddit
Millennials canāt afford a divorce or a sports car. Getting serious into running is the new midlife crisis
jimkounter@reddit
Oh dear. I'm mid life and appear to be having a midlife crisis.
Let me explain why, and why you shouldn't be embarrassed about it.
A few years ago I had an injury which prevents me from walking much. It's left me with chronic pain and on long term meds. The meds and pain have resulted in a major decline in my health.
At the same time my children have now grown up and left home, leaving me with more disposable income and some spare time on my hands.
I generally spend the day in pain and feeling miserable all the while trying to work and provide for my family.
A couple of years ago I got a bonus from work and decided to treat myself. Despite not being American or even living in the US I bought myself a classic Corvette. Stereotypical midlife crisis stuff.
I followed it up by returning to riding a motorcycle for the first time since my children were babies.
The only time I don't feel in pain is when I'm pootling down a country road with my eyes on stalks doing my best not to be killed by car drivers. For the only part of my day, the adrenaline means I don't feel pain and because I'm not walking I can get out of the house and feel freedom. I get to feel like a normal person does.
My condition is such that the big blowout holiday to celebrate our combined 25th wedding anniversary and 50th birthday would very likely be cancelled if I have a likely flare up in my symptoms.
The wife and I have instead decided to make a terrible financial decision and purchase an old GT sports car and celebrate by going on some extended road trips. Such as the North Coast 500 round Scotland. I'm perusing the Autotrader website and doing my homework on which car to get. It will, of course, be a stereotypical midlife crisis brand.
The wife has started going to the gym and we've bought a dog.
This is pretty much the definition of a midlife crisis.
We do it because, yes we're feeling our mortality and want to do the things we've dreamed of before being sensible and life got in the way.
We now have some spare time and our costs have decreased, although with children they never decrease that much!.
So yes, I and possibly my wife, are having full blown midlife crisis and we're completely unapologetic.
For the first time in forever we have the time, money and motivation to do things we couldn't really do before. If someone thinks it's embarrassing then fuck them. I'm here for me (and my family), not what someone else thinks I should be doing.
mmoonbelly@reddit
Not recently. (Am 47 so expecting someone to go a bit mad).
Mateās dad in the 90s was a GP and went a bit mad.
Started when he bought himself an Esprit when he hit 60. Then a whole series of major house improvements. Was planning to build an outdoor pool. It just got crazier and crazier. (The guy was a nutty professor type to start with)
Till his practice went bust, his pension fund somehow vanished and he decided to sail to America and was lost at sea.
Devastating for the family.
EarlyFox217@reddit
Iām not sure itās a crisis but I think mid life is a struggle for most. As a man I found I woke up one day and looked in the mirror and just for the first time looked old, until then Iād never felt far from 20 year olds but one day around mid 40ās I looked in the mirror and saw an old man looking back. Myself and a lot of friends I speak to find ourselves thinking about the pre family days of beer, pizza, call of duty on a cheap setee, nights out younger women etc. Inevitably you start thinking what can you still do before too old and pursue it. For some itās a car, a boat, the house of their dreams, obsessive training or an affair or multiples. I donāt think many have a true crisis but of course if you go and sleep with a younger woman and then the divorce takes your house and half your wealth or more then a fling is soon a crisis
Shmikken@reddit
I'm knocking at the door of 40 but I can't afford a midlife crisis
justanotherjtad@reddit
My sister,
Goes clubbing/drinking with teens and early twenties and broke up with her husband. Still live tocgether and let's her daughters (my neices) ex boyfriend (late.tweenties) sleep in her bed, apparently they dont have sex (sure sure) fucking not right.
Jazzy0082@reddit
I'm currently in the middle of one but it's the happiest I've been in years.
Regular_Zombie@reddit
We want details!!
Jazzy0082@reddit
Hahaha. It's nothing too dramatic, but over the last year or so I've got into the best shape of my life, had a number of new tattoos (I already had 2 full sleeves going back a few years) and have started doing solo travelling (as has my wife, who is also very happy right now).
ShutUpBaby-IKnowIt69@reddit
I hate that buying a sports car is a mid life crisis trope. It usually just takes people that amount of time to accumulate enough wealth to buy something they've always wanted. Then they finally can and suddenly accused of having a menty b. Let people enjoy what they want!
harambe_go_brrr@reddit
Half the time people talk about a mid life crisis it's just another dig at men who have probably spent their entire adult life working to support their family and maybe in their fourties or fifties they can finally afford something just for them, like a small sports car or bike or whatever.
If you always wanted that particular thing since you were 20, but can only achieve it once you're 50 it's not really a mid life crisis is it.
No-Movie-1604@reddit
No because everyone rn is just in some sort of perma-crisis
CheesyLala@reddit
I changed jobs 5 times in a 7-year period, having spent some 15 years in one job before that.
I didn't chuck it all in to become a pig farmer or anything, I just decided I wasn't going to put up with jobs that made me miserable. Left the first place because I was totally stagnating there. Went somewhere where I got promoted quickly to a level where I was in charge of a lot of things that were going badly wrong (think technology estate with daily P1s), was way too much stress and no budget to actually fix anything. Took a consultancy role that I liked but they wanted me to travel all the time, after 18 months I'd had enough. Took a job that was back close to home but the organisation was pretty dysfunctional and a lot of things I'd been promised never materialised so moved on again. Took a job that looked good but ended up working for possibly the worst human being I've ever met in a work context, stuck it for a year before quitting.
Have now been in my current job coming up to 3 years and i really like it. I have a great boss, it's a nice organisation, it's full remote working which I love (removes so much of the bullshit aspects of work), and as a result I am really flourishing, things going really well.
I'm now in my early 50s, if that was my mid-life crisis then it was worth it, so much happier now work-wise than I have been in a long time, and that's helped my home life as well as I'm a nicer person to be around for my wife and kids.
worldworn@reddit
I hate when the term midlife crisis is thrown around.
A guy reaches an age where he is financially stable, bills reduce, kids growing up. And he buys himself something he has always wanted and can finally afford.
No it's a "midlife crisis" and must get mocked for it.
I worked with a guy who loved motorbikes, motorcross and the like. but never had one. (Due to costs, responsibilites etc. ).
Came to work one day on a bike, and every woman in the office took the piss out of him. He never brought it to work again.
If he ditched the wife, married an 18 year old, suddenly got covered in tattoos. I would get it. But that shit isn't on.
snowmanseeker@reddit
Yes, my friend is currently going through one. Divorced out of the blue in Jan, erratic behaviour since, new relationship in Feb, converted to a religion of the new partner, despite being anti-religion for nearly 40 years etc etc.Ā
cactusdan94@reddit
I am in no way shape or form qualified to say this, but could this be a sign of a mental health issue?
I know erractic behaviour/extreme impulse decisions can be a sign of bipolar...
snowmanseeker@reddit
They do indeed have long term MH issues which they recieve support sbd treatment for.
luciferslandlord@reddit
What religion, if you don't mind me asking x
Fun-Hovercraft-4017@reddit
Iām curious as wellā¦..
SheepishSwan@reddit (OP)
I'm curious as to why you're curious. Would there be a big difference if it was Catholicism, islam, or Scientology?
Annual-Load3869@reddit
Just interesting why did you ask the question for this post?
SheepishSwan@reddit (OP)
I asked because I wasn't sure if it was a real phenomenon.
Why I'm curious about why you asked is that it's a hot topic here atm, with several religions being vilified in varying degrees.
Estrellathestarfish@reddit
Probably a big difference between joining a moderate CofE church congregation vs joining up with the Scientologists.
Etheria_system@reddit
Nice to know that luciferās landlord uses a kiss at the end of sentences. What a hun
luciferslandlord@reddit
I'm a sweetie š
Annual-Load3869@reddit
Sweaty*
Unusual_Debate@reddit
Scientology... natural transition for an atheist
dustyfaxman@reddit
A couple of people i know hit their mid-40s, had a crisis moment, decided to ditch their career and after some floundering got suckered into mlm's that advertised using the allure of the bali beach influencer lifestyle, resulting in alienating their social circles and getting fleeced.
The other folk i know who struggled with getting older it was mostly the usual sort of stuff;
affairs with younger people, finding religion, getting heavily into hallucinogenics, wanting to become a dj, getting really into peaky blinders to the point it was embarrassing to be seen in public with them.
Best_Needleworker530@reddit
It hit my ex in his mid 40s. Suddenly left a company he was in since his 20s, switched to plant based milks, left me in a similar sudden fashion and moved god knows where. Also acquired a sport BMW.
Awkward-Dig5533@reddit
I had a midlife crisis between the ages of 30-42. I refused to grow up, was drinking, partying and womanising (trying to!) as much as possible, Iām fortunate in that I look younger than I am but my body really started to feel it (in fact still does). My fiends are all married with kids. I met someone in my mid-40s and we married last year. Never been happier. I often wish this had happened to me earlier but if it had I would be divorced and skint. Not sure this has too much to do with your post but I like to reflect on the darker years from time to time.
squiblet12@reddit
I know a few women who have made big changes in their early 40s, but it's not exactly a midlife crisis. More like: your youngest child is in school, you have time to think at last, and you decide you're not going back to the hectic career you had pre-children. So you start learning new skills or moving towards a new industry.
No spare time for driving sportscars, though ...
Bad_Combination@reddit
See, I have been thinking about switching careers, but the cost of retraining, plus starting again at the bottom of the ladder at 40 is daunting. I'm currently middle-management on a decent enough wage ā certainly more than is paid for entry level in the career I'm considering.
AutoPanda1096@reddit
Youve worked it out already: coincidence
Middle aged just happens to the time people can afford a sports car or their marriage breaks down naturally.
The kids move out, people have more options and more money.
I have a book "top myths of psychology" and the midlife crisis has a big chapter. It's a good accessible read, recommend it. I think it was recommended to me in a Derren Brown book!
Temporary-Zebra97@reddit
Friend left her high flying corporate job, to embrace an alternative life, full on vegan hippy/witchy health nut, attending meditation retreats and travelling the world to neck shrooms and connect with nature/spirits she was living her best life before being diagnosed with cancer and deciding that the NHS treatment protocols were not for her, and she was financially rinsed by charlatans who claimed they could cure her cancer.
Another friend took up running, worked out he could avoid family life with running and became utterly obsessed with running and became an insufferable cunt.
IWanaPetYourDog@reddit
When I was in my 20s I think I WAS the midlife crisis for a couple of the much older men I dated! I grew out of that phase.
DefiantTelephone6095@reddit
My dad left the family when he was about 40ish, moved to USA but didn't tell anyone and was presumed dead for 2 years before popping back up again. Great guy.
OrdinaryQuestions@reddit
My dad. Went from a family man, to suddenly walking out one day. Cheated. Moved to a tiny house in the country side. Broke up with affair. Moved again. Found someone new. Moved again.
My ex brother in law. He's now on his third partner, having his 5th kid (originally only had 2), and rapidly falling into alcoholism.
YesJeffery@reddit
My dad also. In the 1980s, I think he was early 40s. Wasnāt a family man anyway as he was constantly working but he started dressing like a teenager (cringe!), started dating a 21 year old (yuk!) and basically started living like a single man who had never got married or had a family. Needless to say, we are not close š¤£š¤£
Covton@reddit
My Dad has had a long string of these. Some highlights include:
-Instant Abs machine (including a diet that involved eating ice cream for breakfast) -Building a celeste -Taking up Aido and prancing around in a long robe with a sword in the garden -training to be a magician -mongolian throat singing
He usually gets bored after 6 months and he's in his early sixties now so may calm down a bit!
Rubarbcrumbles@reddit
I often wonder if having kids is the 'new' midlife crisis for some people. So many do it now around 40 and it's certainly a lifestyle change!!
geekycurvyanddorky@reddit
A relatives ex husbandās midlife crisis was him deciding he needed to have kids. He tampered with her bc, she ended up in hospital with a miscarriage that nearly killed her. Heās single and still childless.
A family friendās husbandās midlife crisis was about having been a virgin until he was well into adulthood. He cheated on his wife with several women over ~8 years. Their kids went full nc with him after they all became adults and werenāt legally required to be with him on some weekends.
One-Program6244@reddit
Yeah. I bought myself an electric guitar and discovered a total lack of talent in me.
South_Leek_5730@reddit
Not really as it's not something you announce though there are signs. I'm going to attempt to dissect it just for fun.
When is midlife? Life expectancy is around 80 so midlife is 40 however I believe midlife is generally 30-45 but more on the end side of that.
What's the crisis? I think we are probably the only animal on the planet that is aware it's going to die with a rough idea of when it will happen. Happy to be proven wrong on that. We learn this from an early age but we don't think about it because it's many decades away. At a certain point we stop counting up and start counting down. It doesn't matter who you are or where you are from or anything else. We all do it without fail and usually on our birthday. This existential dread is the midlife crisis.
What do we do about it? This is why your question is difficult to answer. We all react in different ways. Some want to extend their life as much as possible so make (and usually fail) huge lifestyle changes. Some see it as a challenge to recapture their youth. Some just let it pass without much thought. It's not something you really talk about other than to close friends and family and even then it's usually just a comment like fucking hell I'm getting old. The tropes are quite funny where you hear stories of people buying flash cars or motorcycles. People that all of a sudden go all in at fitness and/or diet changes. There's even people that get divorced to live the life they never had because of FOMO which doesn't usually end well. Some people run away to join the circus.
So in answer to your question I have suspicions on a few people but can't say for sure. Personally I just shrug at birthdays and think there's goes another year.
I thought I should mention time because I have a view on time and the passing of time. When you are younger the years go slow and when you are older the years go fast. In reality they are the same amount of time. The only thing different is you. One way to get more time is by not letting time just slip by. Keep your mind and body active if you can. Then time will slow down and you'll get more and who doesn't want more time?
Bennjoon@reddit
My uncle started biking around the south of France dressed in blue Lycra. He was not a slim man. š«
Now in his old age his knees are absolutely knackered
bleepingbloopers@reddit
Definitely having a slow one of sorts. Through a combination of the transition happening in my work industry and income fading with societal/technological changes, my house burning down and the watching my last parent succumb to dementia.
Wondering daily is this it now? A slow meander to the end? Or do I dive head first into a crazy attempt at an adventure and see what happens next?
LynxEqual9518@reddit
Drop the ācrazyā part, but do dive in. Change and adventure arenāt bad, as long as you donāt let yourself down. Remember, you need to stay afloat during this period, but also know that youāll tire of it eventually. That part will take care of itself, just donāt go at it like a feral cat in a cage.
hka-ls@reddit
Can 100% relate to this. Go for the adventure!
Speedboy7777@reddit
Dude I know at work, when he was 18 he was in a band, now when heās got 2 kids, a mortgage and a missus he decides now is the time to relive that dream. Heās took out a loan, blown it on massive amounts of gear; then bought even more past then on trinkets for it. Heās played about 6 gigs in flat roof pubs where his family are most of the audience.
JudgmentOne6328@reddit
I donāt know if my father in law is having a midlife crisis or heās just revealing what a total asshat he really is.
All round heās an extremely entitled person but since his most recent divorce heās become a whole new level.
trainpk85@reddit
I really fancy having a mid life crisis. Iām 40 and have been thinking of giving up my successful career to run a food truck, be a life guard at the local uni gym where il take up pickleball or go work in the local weatherspoons. My husband would rather I didnāt but hasnāt said no and just keeps reminding me weāll have to shop at Aldi and waste less money but I think I wouldnāt mind that.
Melendine@reddit
Do those jobs for a few months at the weekend
trainpk85@reddit
The tax implications of that would be too much as it would nudge me to 45% and Iād lose more in student loan repayments.
RidethatSeahorse@reddit
In my experience only people with money can afford a midlife crisis. The rest of us have nervous breakdowns.
winnipeggremlin@reddit
Checking in over here. Turned 41...3 months later nervous breakdown and outpatient hospital stay. Yay...I'm still broken
RidethatSeahorse@reddit
Itās ok, we have menopause to look forward to.
Important_Crew8890@reddit
Yeah me.
Had motorbikes since I was 15. Im into tattoos and RPGs and nerdy stuff.
Mid 40 took a long hard look at my life and decided to be a proper grown up.
Sold the bike , bought a diesel golf, started wearing v neck jumpers and watching football.
Was miserable AF for 18 months.
Sold the car , got a triumph, got my back tattoo and am quite happy now
Lost-Inevitable42@reddit
Actual? So I'd have to know when they died?
CanidPsychopomp@reddit
Ultramarathon, infidelity, depression. Yep
Sorbet-Possible@reddit
Started sleeping with lots of girls in their late 20ās early 30ās. I was mid to late 50ās at the time. Also started partying a lot with these girls, taking recreational drugs ( mdma, coke, lsd) something Iād never done before. The whole period lasted about 8 years. Honestly, Iām glad itās over and I got it out of my system. I thought I was having fun at the time but looking back I can see I wasnāt
Illustrious_Study_30@reddit
Yes and it's not pretty. Two female friends and I swear it's midlife crisis . We're talking sleeping around, coke habits, leaving husbands, using everyone for their own ends, running up huge debt. Shocking behaviour.
It seems to be a very selfish time.
JohnnyRyallsDentist@reddit
I became terrified of each grey hair. I moved to another area of the country, got divorced, hooked up with a younger woman, and took up marathon running.
Does that count?
aliceantique@reddit
Yes
roywill2@reddit
When we are young we see wide hoeizons, infinite possibility for change. At midlife we see clearly the path of rest of our life. If that path is not whats wanted, we break out and force a different path.
Dimac99@reddit
My dentist, about 18-20 years ago, when I was mid to late 20's. I'd had to call his emergency number and leave a message after breaking a tooth on a Sunday and I got a call back, arranging to meet him at the surgery. He wasn't my regular dentist as such, I usually saw his associate, but he was the practice owner and I'd known him since I was a young child. He turned up in a big new BMW wearing much flashier clothes than I'd ever seen him in and sporting a new haircut and a goatee where he'd previously been a big bushy beard guy. None of it exactly smoking gun evidence given it was the weekend, I'll grant you.
But a few weeks later I got a call from an unknown number on my mobile and the woman calling me wanted to know who I was because my number showed up on her mobile. Sorry, lady, you called me, who are you? There was a bit of back and forth and she was quite insistent before she reluctantly identified herself as Mrs DentistName and I realised what was going on and was able to explain how I'd broken my tooth and got that call back to arrange treatment. She was all apologetic and proceeded to give me the most obvious bullshit excuse about her teenage son making calls he wasn't supposed to on her mobile.
Uh huh. You've never had any out of hours calls to deal with, given you are (or were, before the kids) a dentist too? And it doesn't occur to you that that might be the reason for the two minute call to an unknown number on a Sunday? SoĀ I also made sure to squeeze in the fact their 10 year old daughter accompanied her father to an emergency Sunday night dental appointment because I was getting major vibes about the whole thing and I didn't want her calling back. Later I even thought the daughter might have been there on purpose, either brought along by dad as an alibi or sent along by mum as a cock block. The whole thing was weird from start to finish.
West_Vanilla7017@reddit
Myself.
MesoamericanMorrigan@reddit
My mother left the country and got pregnant to a alcoholic with untreated bpd who already threatened and or made attempts on the lives of her two existing kids and decided to double down on defending a groomer and pedophile when I confronted her about it when I was in my mid twenties
Iucidium@reddit
Mate of mine's marriage became a husk and then absolved his bigoted views on gender by sticking it in a polyamorous, disabled non-binary person on the regs.
IAmTakingThoseApples@reddit
I think I'm going through one...
In the span of a year, I've tried mushrooms for the first time, gotten my first tattoo, taken up sewing, taken up baking, had a mental breakdown, found god again (and then lost him), lost 4 friends to suicide, re-evaluated my work-life balance, decided my dog is my deceased mother reincarnated (not seriously... But maybe for a minute there seriously), became an unnecessary helper of others (because I never had kids).....
Challenger404@reddit
The whole sports car thing with midlife crises always baffled me because I've wanted a specific car since I was a teenager, but only when I'm nearer to 40 will I have the money and financial position to actually buy it.. the other things mentioned in the other comments though I have no desire for š¤£
DD230191@reddit
Well, of course I know him. He's me
Soggywallet94@reddit
The man who taught me music had his own business teaching kids and setting up an annual gig for us all in a big venue, when he was 40something he gave up the business, bought a flashy motorbike and a farm house with all his music money and started driving trains.
I don't know if that's a midlife crisis or just a dude deciding "fuck it" and doing what he always wanted to.
Either way he was one of the only truly positive male role models in my early life and I owe and respect that man eternally, love you Jem!
Over_Championship990@reddit
Apparently us millennials can't afford a mid life crisis. That was the only thing keeping me going....
DrDanGleesac@reddit
IMO the reason why we donāt see āmid life crisis happening is because we donāt actually associate it as being a real thing anymore. Think about in the new world of being soft and PC how dare you take the piss out of someone buying a sports car or taking up Karate at the age of 46ā¦ what are you, an ageist!?
Get ma drift?
slimedewnautica@reddit
There was a drama teacher at the local college. He left his long term girlfriend (fiancƩ?) For an 18 or 19 year old student. He lost his job, but then moved in with the student, they got married, and then they had a kid. He was more than twice her age
Somehow was not kicked out of his quite successful band for this though
craftyorca135@reddit
I had an early twenties crisis when I had a plan of what my life would look like and it didn't turn out that way. I basically had a load of expectations that weren't reality.
Maleficent_Laugh_125@reddit
The new option is golf, lawn and meat smoking.
Maybe doing up a 4WD for touring but never going.
Mozzomble@reddit
The midlife crises we used to see in movies donāt really apply to most of us in the same way because very few are hitting peak family, home and career goals in their 20s and 30sā¦.My husband turned 50 and had an identity crisis. He lost both his parents in quick succession, started drinking heavily and lost his confidence at work. Heās in therapy and pulling it back together now, thankfully we donāt have the kind of money or licenses required for sports cars.
Estrellathestarfish@reddit
In this day and age having therapy money at 50 us still doing pretty well!
Objectively_bad_idea@reddit
I think a lot of midlife crisis are a lot quieter than they're portrayed in films. For starters, a lot of the stereotypical midlife crisis in fiction are pretty male-coded, but women also go through it, just not necessarily with the same behaviours. But also with guys, plenty of them end up doing something less dramatic than buying a Porsche (especially in this economy)
My friends and I are all around that age give or take, and we're all varying forms of unsettled, dissatisfied, exploring options. It's hard to unpick what is aftermath of COVID, what is perimenopause, what is just inevitable restlessness after a lot of years in a single career etc. But there's definitely a widespread mood, and I suspect if any of us had any money, at least a few would have made some sort of dramatic change.
Ieatclowns@reddit
Yes. One of our friends who had been married to his lovely wife for over twenty years suddenly upped and moved into his office. He offered her no explanation but that he wanted to live his life, he started taking drugs recreationally and joined tinder and slept with so many women. It was crazy as heād been a real family man.
d0nkey_boi@reddit
Yep, me. Actually started when I turned 30 and has been ongoing for the best part of a decade. Tried drugs, got tattoos, produced music, tried writing a bookā¦
In the words of Bono - still havenāt found what Iām looking for.
shyshyoctopi@reddit
This isn't a midlife crisis it's just living your life
kotare78@reddit
I think it's quite common to drift through life caught up in the mundane routine. Having kids can feel like it is erasing your personality a bit, because everything becomes centred around them and sacrifices need to be made. When they grow up a bit and become less reliant, one day you take stock and panic wondering where your life went. I think this triggers a lot of people to take drastic action, occasionally for the better but often it can be self destructive risk taking behaviours like affairs, drugs, alcohol.
yorkshirenation@reddit
My very own dad. His actions turned my mum to alcoholism and eventually abuse of me. Not in contact with them any more.
wonky-hex@reddit
Yes. My mum started a relationship with a drug addict 20 years her junior. Almost 20 years on, she had a child with him, a year later he left her for someone else, he had 4 more kids, and he's still an addict
spicyzsurviving@reddit
In the joke-y āglow upā / ādeveloping random new hobbies and obsessionsā- my dad
In a genuine mental health crisis way- my schoolmateās dad. Sadly lost his battle.
InternationalRich150@reddit
Pretty sure My ex husband did after I left him. He started dressing like a 30 year old when he was in his late 50s. His jeans were tighter than mine,like skin tight. Trendy tshirts. Think he owned 6 pairs of branded trainers.
Let me tell you this man used to complain when I washed his 5 day old baggy joggers and tshirt.
I couldn't work out if to be insulted or laugh whenever I saw those skin tight jeans
apeliott@reddit
Not really. I'm nearing 50 and feel just fine.
I do have a mate who is a similar age and got sick of his office job a couple of years ago. Packed it all in and became a travel writer. That's probably the closest I know of.Ā
Fun-Hovercraft-4017@reddit
So does he write about his travels? What does he do?
apeliott@reddit
Yeah, as well as culture, history, stuff like that. He's done some pieces on Japan as we live in Tokyo but he often goes to other countries. I think his last trip was to Nepal.
Here's his website:
https://escapeandadventure.com/philip-s-kay-professional-writing-portfolio/
nonsvch1@reddit
Poor this guy wondering why heās had a small bump on site hits and realising itās because heās been tagged as having a midlife crisis on r/AskUK
amiescool@reddit
ššš
apeliott@reddit
Haha well, I don't really know if it was a midlife crisis, but it was a drastic change. He really was sick and tired of his old job.
Glad it's working out for him.Ā
Fun-Hovercraft-4017@reddit
Wow, this seems really interesting, Iāll take a look, thanks
Serious-Sample-249@reddit
That sounds more like a blessing š
Katskan11@reddit
How's he doing with the writing?
apeliott@reddit
Well, he seems to be doing alright the last time I saw him a couple of months ago. He's starting to get paid. It took a while though.Ā
newtonbase@reddit
A colleague had a fairly mundane life. Worked in betting shops in the day and Tesco in the evening. Married with 2 kids. Bit of a gambler but never out of control and he never drank.
I think it started when he shagged a colleague on a work night out who was quite a lot younger. He then started playing away with other women, left his wife and kids and took up surfing. I need to try and look him up. See what he's up to these days.
IABug7469@reddit
Me, my sister and then my stepsister all left home and got married when my dad was around 50. The next thing we knew heād bought a bright red sports car without telling my stepmother. She didnāt talk to him for a month and think she only started again because I came home for a visit and she didnāt want to let on they were having a tiff. The car had been sold within 6 months. It was my dadās mini rebellion.
blue_tack@reddit
Cooper ?
IABug7469@reddit
lol! Didnāt even twig what Iād written. It was a Mustang as they live in the US.
ajtyler776@reddit
Of course I know him. Heās me.
The-Baron-Von-Marlon@reddit
Sorry.... your posting history is full crisis. Welcome to the club my 40s friend
ZoltanGertrude@reddit
Yep. Late 50's now. Had a fabulous time. Bought a beautiful convertible, had affairs with five ladies, three of which remain good friends and the fourth is now my gorgeous, beautiful partner. I can't recommend it enough. My only regret is that I didn't get the Merc 500 rather than the 400 although I do still love it dearly!
DryJackfruit6610@reddit
Ew.
ZoltanGertrude@reddit
Not all at the same time. Standards please!
Serious-Sample-249@reddit
Truly a coincidence š
AccidentAccomplished@reddit
its just part of growing up
LongjumpingLab3092@reddit
Yep my mum did, mid 50s. Bought a stupid car and divorced my dad, unprompted and overnight. Started going out clubbing/drinking weekly with a bunch of lesbian friends. Think she's slowing down now but it was triggered by my uncle (her brother) dying. She was quite difficult to be around for a few years.
Emergency_Mistake_44@reddit
A lot of these stories practically say - I knew someone who was miserable and now they're really enjoying their life. Fair play to them I say.
azzthom@reddit
I moved 200 miles. A long way in England.
dinkidoo7693@reddit
Ive know several people who have suddenly quit their jobs and/or got divorced in their late 30s and early 40s with no real reason or financial stability and gone āoff the railsā and acted like young adults going on benders and getting shit faced or shagging around for periods of time.
I also know someone who has become a gym and running fanatic, shes dropped 5 dress sizes and ran a marathon and raised a good amount of money for a local charity. Sheās done amazing but her entire personality is āgymā now.
I donāt know anyone who has bought a sports car. I think they are unaffordable for most people.
some_where_else@reddit
How about a whole life crisis?
Up_The__Toffees@reddit
I bought a Porsche in my early 40ās and got my hair done (implants). Maybe considered a midlife crisis but life just feels like one big crisis anyway so who knows. I always think that older men who drive those massive trikes are the ones who are really going through it for some reason
SallyWilliams60@reddit
I got a few tattoos. Nothing too wild
Sleepy0wl9969@reddit
May be a thing of the past before social media. Had mine in my thirties but life has been great since then. Nowadays you can research those things so know itās not the end of the world
babichickan@reddit
My dad.. Left my mum after 16 years of marriage for his nephews girlfriend who is around 20 years younger.
LegitimateDraw3902@reddit
When I was about 38 I left a long term relationship (15 years) and moved into a flat on my own. Then proceeded to go on 3-4 year bender, inadvertently dragging a few friends along for the ride (totally their choice). One of them nearly ended up divorced and another was on the verge of alcoholism due to this. Looking back Iāve no idea where my tolerance or stamina came from. Luckily for me I met someone else and she sorted me out. Not sure how things would have ended up if Iād carried on! Some epic adventures though, all around the world.
I genuinely feel like I purged all urges and desires in that period and now totally fine with being settled down and pootling along.
Donāt know if it was a midlife crisis or not. Great fun though, in the main.
Limbo365@reddit
A guy in my training intake for the Army was midlife crisis adjacent, the oldest there by 5+ years and a decade older than the average age of the platoon
Left his family to have a grand adventure in the Army!
blizzardlizard666@reddit
People can't afford them any more š the modern equivalent is moving to Thailand which is hardly a crisis
LorettaVirus@reddit
I started eating vegetables and lifting weights, if that counts.
Hes-behind-you@reddit
I prefer to eat weights and lift vegetables but you do what you think is best
MisterD90x@reddit
Dont know but im close to midlife, so its proabably coming soon
helpnxt@reddit
I spent all my money and travelled Japan for 3 months, I don't see it as a mid life crisis (probably more a post Covid goal) but I see how from others perceptive it could be seen as one for like normal career people.
allfurcoatnoknickers@reddit
My FIL. Left my MIL for the nanny and they started a whole new family. 17 years later he repeats the process exactly and ditches the nanny for his secretary and starts yet another new family. Although at that point it was more of a late in life crisis.
Adventurous_Day_822@reddit
Can't afford a midlife crisis.
DryJackfruit6610@reddit
Yes, my mum in her 50s. Had an affair, became religious, got baptised and changed her entire personality
RestaurantAntique497@reddit
I've always felt the sterotype of a midlife crisis where a guy goes and getd a motor bike or a fancy csr is more a case of midlife money than a crisis
In all seriousness though - my dad had one and got mega depressed. Think a combo of him turning 50 and a few life things happening and realising he didn't do everything he wanted caused it
rev-fr-john@reddit
Yes, you , sports car in your late 30s, so you'll get to almost 80 depending on how long it went on, a Shaun, an accountant who at 45 bought a harley davidson, hot himself a 20 something year old hotty and reinvented himself, honestly he stood up in a pub and in his most manly pose said "I'm like a lone wolf!" I looked at him and said, "how are we spelling loan?" And he replied "either fucking way" bizarrely 15 years later he's still having his midlife crisis and thinking about buying a pub. So by my reckoning he'll still be here when he's 100.
I'm putting mine off until I'm 75 because I want it to be cool and the few I've seen were a bit shit or clichƩd or both, so I'm looking for ideas, oh and if I can put it off that long I'll also get to be 150, I'm unsure how great that'll be.
Less-Engineering123@reddit
My dad wanted to get his pilot's license spontaneously almost exactly when he turned 50, and had to be talked out of it because he was already too senile š¤
Public_Character_483@reddit
My fiance has had multiple, the last one involved her quitting her job, selling her house and flying to South America....but no sports cars involved
Kayanne1990@reddit
Yeah, my mum did a little bit. Hit 40, got a bunch of tattoos. Got her tongue pierced.
Veezveez123@reddit
Yes, my uncle left his wife for a woman he'd been on one (!) date with as a teenager and not spoken to in 30 years. He and his wife had been together a few decades just as long and were happily married. Basically nuked his entire life as their social circle sided against him too.
psychopathic_shark@reddit
I dunno with how I live my life 30s probably is mid life for me š
But no. No midlife crisis and just turned 40. Shall we have one together?
Independent-Fun-3741@reddit
Yes. It happens.
If you asked on a public forum then some part of your mind is concernedĀ
Either seek an expert or start reading up on the subject and what to expect after turning 40.
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