ULPT: what can I say to my OBGYN to extend my medical disability to spend more time with my baby?

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DinohKitteh@reddit

I wish you luck. I had severe PPD after my first, and after my second was born, I begged my obgyn not to say I was "fine." Sobbing and borderline hysterical, and that woman gave me zero sympathy and refused.

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isweatglitter17@reddit

Happened with my first--they sent me to a hospital social worker who said I should spend less time with my 4 WEEK OLD BABY and I was doing it to myself BY HOLDING HIM TOO MUCH AND GETTING TOO ATTACHED. WTF? That was the last I confided in anyone and just continued to struggle until I found an actual therapist nearly a year later.

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sr2439@reddit

Psychiatrists are honestly more equipped to deal with PPD and should be willing to fill out disability paperwork.

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KaleidoscopeFine@reddit

Regardless, she would have to be hospitalized for PPD for her to be considered. The guidelines do not allow/consider it a medical necessity - based reason for extended leave.

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coquitx@reddit

This isn't true, at least in California. My cousin got an additional 6 weeks for PPD through a referral by her ob-gyn and subsequent therapy appointments. She was seen through Kaiser.

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KaleidoscopeFine@reddit

California is different I’m sure, but disability paperwork is completely different than trying to get extra maternity/FMLA time.

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Blenderx06@reddit

You do not need to be hospitalized to get std\ltd for mental health issues. Period.

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o0Jahzara0o@reddit

You do not have to be hospitalized to get std for a mental health condition. I know from personally having gone through it with a family member recently. You need some sort of provider to sign off on the std, so if you don’t have one, the hospital would be your only option, then.

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KaleidoscopeFine@reddit

Like I already clarified for someone else: the person is not trying to get STD for it. They’re trying to extend their maternity leave via FMLA. For that, you’d have to prove medical necessity. There is no medical necessity unless you have a psychiatrist that says you literally cannot work because your PPD is so debilitating that you cannot go back to work.

I have personally used STD for mental health. It’s a completely different process to leave work on STD for mental health, versus already being on a maternity leave and trying to extend it by claiming PPD when it’s never been documented previously.

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sr2439@reddit

I know from personal experience that being hospitalized is not a requirement.

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embarrassedburner@reddit

That’s like saying severe depression is insufficient reason unless inpatient treatment is required.

STD and LTD companies are still asshole insurance companies trying to evade financial responsibility at the risk of people’s health, but read the rules carefully and enlist a knowledgeable and empathetic psychiatrist.

Be prepared to be treated similar to drug seekers at an ER when disability claims are involved, but just stick up for yourself and your valid need for healing and regulated mental health! You will have to go to appointments for the duration of your disability claim.

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sr2439@reddit

Yes, once again, I’m aware of how it works from personal experience.

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herasi@reddit

Yes, and they were agreeing with you and expanding on your comment, lol

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gooddaydarling@reddit

Particularly if you can find a reproductive psychiatrist

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DinohKitteh@reddit

That's a thing?! I wish I had known that 15 years ago. For months my husband hid every knife in the house from me because he could see how bad it was and was afraid of what I would do to myself. My doctor knew all that and didn't care, offered zero sympathy, zero resources.

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valiantdistraction@reddit

There are also maternal mental health psychologists who have completed extra training having to do with it. That's the kind I have been seeing since I started IVF (and I now have a 2 year old).

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Chibichulala@reddit

Some doctors are so ass

My ob told me to let her know when I needed time off and she’d write me any note I needed

My doctor after I got abducted at work told me I was probably fine to go back to work after like three days and I had to literally call workers comp, a different doctor, and get a new psych eval to extend it. I ended up not going back at all in the end though, ptsd is a bitch

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ENTJ_ScorpioFox@reddit

You were abducted at work?!? I’m so sorry

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KaleidoscopeFine@reddit

Your perspective makes it sound like she didn’t care, when the truth is postpartum depression is not a cover reason for extended medical leave.

She was simply following guidelines she didn’t create.

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DinohKitteh@reddit

Had she expressed an iota of sympathy/empathy/concern, you would have a point. She offered me no resources to help me in dealing with my ppd. She expressed no care when I voiced my struggle with thoughts of self harm. I am aware that she didn't establish the guidelines, but as her patient she did not care about my well-being.

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valiantdistraction@reddit

I think one issue you run into with women obgyns being unsympathetic about this is that many of them have probably had less time off when THEY had babies. I know several female obgyns who had babies in residency and only were able to take 2-3 weeks off. And that can make some people inclined to be like, well I did it, so can you.

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DinohKitteh@reddit

That's also beyond disgusting.

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Goatesq@reddit

This regime cares about churning out women's suffering and subjugation. They don't even care about the babies.

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DinohKitteh@reddit

I know, and it will only get worse😔

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ApprehensiveFox8844@reddit

Depends on the state I think. In California it is ABSOLUTELY considered a pregnancy-related disability and would be eligible for disability insurance.

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amy000206@reddit

I was told to get paper plates, plastic utensils and not to worry about vacuuming the floors so much. We had a cat and two large half shepherd dogs that you could see the fur shooting off of when they got excited. So now you know the cure for ppd.:/

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vermilion-chartreuse@reddit

r/thanksimcured

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DinohKitteh@reddit

Those instructions deserve a throat punch.

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PalpitationMuted9816@reddit

What in the hell kind of doctor would do this. I hope you got a new one after this.

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DinohKitteh@reddit

Yes, thankfully!

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Flaky-Wallaby5382@reddit

“I’ve been really struggling with the physical and emotional recovery from birth. I’m still experiencing significant fatigue, pain, and anxiety, and I don’t feel ready to return to work yet. Is it possible to extend my short-term disability by a few more weeks to allow more time for recovery?”

You can also mention: • Ongoing postpartum symptoms such as: • Perineal pain or incision site discomfort (C-section or episiotomy) • Pelvic floor dysfunction • Heavy bleeding or irregular postpartum bleeding • Sleep disruption that’s affecting your ability to function • Postpartum anxiety, depression, or intrusive thoughts (you don’t need a formal diagnosis for your doctor to take these seriously)

If you’re breastfeeding, you can note that the physical demands and sleep deprivation are impacting your healing. You can also say:

“I want to give myself the best chance to fully recover and bond with my baby before diving back into work stress. I’m not in the right place physically or emotionally yet.”

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purplecrocs@reddit

Seconding the pelvic floor dysfunction suggestion! It’s great to bring up anyway since so many women can benefit from overall pelvic floor strengthening (or relaxation of tight muscles). It’s super common postpartum to have issues like urinary incontinence, pelvic pain, and pain with intercourse. It’s something that is easy to extend disability for (since it can lead to interruptions in work from many trips to the bathroom for example). And if you’re referred to a pelvic PT by your doctor it’s likely you’ll have benefit anyway :)

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Remarkable_Youth1874@reddit

YES!!!! 🙌

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nurse420@reddit

I love this!!! I’m getting good advice from your post TY. We do pay our dues in taxes so why shouldn’t we reel the benefits

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mak_zaddy@reddit

I wish I asked this when I was gearing up for my appointment 😭

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RaydenAdro@reddit

“I’m still recovering both physically and emotionally, and I’ve been experiencing anxiety,fatigue, pain, and trouble with sleep and adjustment. I’m also finding it difficult to keep up with basic tasks and physical activity while caring for the baby.”

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webtin-Mizkir-8quzme@reddit

Husband is retired OB. Mention back pain or hip pain that radiates. Intermittent bleeding may also work, but it can be checked. My DH would always sign off on extra bc he was F the system over maternity leave and post op leave.

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torchwood1842@reddit

This comment seems to have the best likelihood of success. OP, don’t feel bad about lying, because as the above comment said, F the system

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webtin-Mizkir-8quzme@reddit

Some places only gave TWO WEEKS. It would make him so mad.

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lizzyelling5@reddit

My OB asked me how much time I wanted, she's awesome. I took all the paid time I could and a week unpaid and she didn't even blink when signing the paperwork. Honestly I feel that the amount of time a mom wants is the time she needs. PP is no joke.

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jossybabes@reddit

Pubic symphysis separation. Basically a sprain/ over-stretching of the connective tissue at the front of the pelvis/ pubic bones. No test for it.

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Blenderx06@reddit

Pretty hard to fake that level of pain and disability esp for it to just show up after weeks? I had it and nah, no way.

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ASAPNAY@reddit

This is how I went on maternity leave early! I probably could have been on modified but I just wanted to be home.

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MyCrownCurls@reddit

My temp OB said she’s nothing wrong with me

My gyno asked me how long I want to take time off

The pysch consult I had said here’s your extended leave

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pterencephalon@reddit

My state is more flexible - it's up to the provider. In some hospital systems, they'll basically sign off on as much as you ask for (up to the total 12 weeks of medical leave allowed). Turns out that in mine, it's all handled under a set policy of 4 weeks for vaginal delivery and 8 weeks for C-section. Kinda makes me hope I need a C-section to have more time off with my new baby...

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sharai1998@reddit

Not sure where you're located, but I had my son in 2022 via an elective c section

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tmqueen@reddit

Tell your OBGYN that you are too anxious to return to work yet and your anxiety to leave your baby is overwhelming. It’s not unethical

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Chemical_Name9088@reddit

I’m a physician assistant at a general medicine clinic. I would recommend if there is a good relationship with your primary care provider, to go with them and they can also fill out paperwork and give temporary disability.(if the ob/gyn is unwilling) I’ve done it for people with anxiety or depression.

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SouthpawSeahorse@reddit

Or try a therapist for the same if OB won’t ?

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dildo_wagon@reddit

I don’t think therapists can provide disability?

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zamfire@reddit

You want to take a wild guess if OPs insurance covers a therapist? Cause I would also love to see one but I can't because the cost and mental health is still a joke in America so no one takes it seriously including insurance.

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Thisisprobablywine@reddit

They don’t usually do much talk therapy, but I saw a nurse practitioner that specialized in maternal psychiatry and it was billed as medical, not under therapy benefits.

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SouthpawSeahorse@reddit

Ugh I’m so sorry. I’m very fortunate with my insurance right now and apologies that I am privileged enough to forget that.

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zamfire@reddit

Thanks for the sympathy friend. Eh, I've lived my entire life without therapy. Hopefully one day I'll live in a civilized country that takes mental health seriously

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tmqueen@reddit

Yep request a therapist who specializes in postpartum issues if possible

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shakeyshake1@reddit

Catering to anxiety is a bad way to manage anxiety. I think this could backfire.

If someone was too anxious to leave their baby, giving them a couple more months is just going to make them even more anxious when those additional months are up.

A primary treatment for anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy, which is a fancy way of saying “suck it up and do the thing you’re afraid of, or else you’ll never get better and you might even get worse.” If you have anxiety about driving, one of the best ways to get over it is to drive anyway until you get used to it.

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tyrannosaurusflax@reddit

Except the US’s pathetic lack of parental leave is globally recognized as inhumane. Using CBT to enforce a toxic system by telling people their rightful, reasonable separation anxiety is a “cognitive distortion” is not the answer. No one should have to part from their baby as early as parents are routinely forced to in the US. Try again.

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shakeyshake1@reddit

I didn’t comment on whether it’s right or wrong, I’m just saying it could backfire if you tell a doctor you want more time because you’re too anxious to leave your baby.

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tmqueen@reddit

It wouldn’t backfire , I extended my leave and received STD because of my postpartum anxiety. this is why I commented.

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tmqueen@reddit

This is wrong. You are wrong.

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shakeyshake1@reddit

I’m not wrong. I used to have terrible anxiety and panic attacks. The treatment was a combination of medication and purposely doing the things that gave me anxiety and panic attacks.

One of those things was driving after having a panic attack while driving that resulted in me pulling over on the freeway.

My psychologist never would have suggested that the solution to my anxiety and panic over driving would be to not drive for a few months.

The solution was to drive when the roads were empty, then to drive on highways, then back to the freeway. The solution to anxiety was never “it makes you anxious? Okay, don’t do it.”

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tmqueen@reddit

Ok well your issues aren’t related to OP or anyone postpartum so keep it to yourself

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shakeyshake1@reddit

My response was to explain why telling a doctor that you’re too anxious to leave your baby could backfire. They might very well think “well if you’re anxious to leave the baby, you should probably get used to it now, a couple more months isn’t going to make it any easier.” That would be consistent with the medical approach to anxiety, regardless of whether it’s right or wrong in this situation.

There’s no need to be nasty to me.

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tmqueen@reddit

This is not typical anxiety issues. Postpartum anxiety and depression are completely different. No doctor worth their salt will say that to a new mother if she expressed her concerns. It’s actually incredibly offensive and disturbing.

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OddHippo6972@reddit

Yes. PPA could get you some extra time off.

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valiantdistraction@reddit

If you haven't given birth yet, opt for an elective C-section.

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youremylobster1017@reddit

This is terrible advice lol

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valiantdistraction@reddit

It's the option guaranteed to get OP another month.

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carolionest@reddit

I think they can bump it up to a few more weeks of protected leave if your abdominal separation/tearing is still bothersome.. you kinda have to plan ahead, not carrying heavy car seat to appointments, but if you're in too much discomfort to sit at a desk/work on your feet/do heavy lifting, they should be able to write you off work for longer.

Source: this was offered to me, I don't know why I didn't take it ... Something about wanting to be back to work on time to collect my front loaded PTO, which I would not have received at all for the coming year if I had not been back to work by a certain date 😐

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pantygate@reddit

Say your tailbone got bruised in labor and it hurts to sit at a desk (if that’s applicable to your job?) it takes foreeeeever to heal and I don’t think any way to prove it is or isn’t

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lotusblossom60@reddit

A woman I worked with got extra time because she was having trouble breast-feeding her baby and couldn’t pump at all so I would try that route

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shoresandsmores@reddit

My doctor gave me an additional two weeks with required therapy for potential PPA. The insurance agency still refused to cover it 🤷‍♀️

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ShadowsOfTheBreeze@reddit

Next time don't vote for any republicans, if you did last time.

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UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit

Your post or comment was removed for violating rule 12: No politics.

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betweentwoscotties@reddit

lol I’m not a republican but I don’t recall democrats doing anything about this the last time they were in power?? It’s almost like no politicians give a shit

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UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit

Your post or comment was removed for violating rule 12: No politics.

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youremylobster1017@reddit

Because they’re all 100 years old and so far removed from the pregnancy/labor/postpartum experience that it’s too easy for them to not give a single fuck

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IpsaLasOlas@reddit

Exhaustion. I was so worn out that I really wasn’t ready to function. My dr told me exhaustion is hard (if not impossible) to measure

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youremylobster1017@reddit

And then approved you for additional leave?

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hai_keyi@reddit

PPA did it for me. You fill out the questionnaire they give you at the appointment, if you check enough of the boxes you’re automatically flagged for PPD/PPA. The nurse went over it with me, said she was going to extend my disability another 4 weeks which was the max they could extend it (in CA) and if I needed more time after the 4 weeks were up, I would have to go through a psychiatrist and start the standard disability claim (not short term disability)

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RedheadsNeverForget@reddit

My OB wasn’t helpful she said and I quote “your anxiety at 6w pp has nothing to do with the baby”🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

So I said fine and booked a virtual appt with a PA at my regular doctor and told her I was extremely anxious and depressed and not ready to go back to work. Discussed treatments and asked for 6 weeks extra disability. I extended it several more times and ended up getting about 4 months extra disability bc I fucking deserved it and I was having a hard time. We pay into this system, we need to work it!!! Good luck!!!

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avrnws@reddit

What in the hell?!?!?! what a terrible doctor that’s absolutely insane

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adventurous-yorkie@reddit

Develop postpartum depression. Go on short term disability. Do you have that in the states?

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Immediate_Wait816@reddit

Confirming that you are finishing up 4 months of leave, not 1 month when you ask these questions?

You should be eligible for FMLA if your other leave falls under that. It’s 12 more weeks (unpaid).

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FantasticAardvark@reddit

Some state/employer policies require that the leaves be taken concurrently with FMLA. They aren’t taken subsequently.

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pattituesday@reddit

almost half of American workers are ineligible for FMLA, which if she were eligible would only provide job protected UNpaid leave anyways

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NorthRoseGold@reddit

You haven't stopped bleeding.

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torchwood1842@reddit

They can check that. And depending on when OP tells them this, they would want to be check it to make sure she’s medically okay.

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castle_waffles@reddit

Tbh I just straight up asked them to write me out longer and they did.

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Fancy_Accountant_878@reddit

Postpartum incontinence/fecal incontinence. It's a thing, for vaginal childbirth at least, it's not really provable or disprovable, and you would need more time to heal and see specialists.

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Wanderlustwednesday@reddit

Really wish you luck. The US only cares about babies up until birth and it doesn’t care about women at all.

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LPCHB@reddit

I was able to get my leave extended for “mood disturbance caused by breastfeeding issues” (anxiety due to baby not gaining weight well and triple feeding because of difficulty latching) and “pelvic floor dysfunction” (leaking due to prolapse). But I think it really depends on the provider unfortunately. My midwife this time around is very understanding. My midwife from my first birth was not helpful at all.

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