ULPT Request: early morning car honking
Posted by MmmBra1nzzz@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 27 comments
I have a neighbor across the street who gets a ride to work every morning. The problem I’m having is that her friend who gives her a ride honks several times, while arriving and while waiting, for her. They speak another language, and I’ve tried to get her attention when it’s early and she’s honking but she seems to want to ignore me.
JerkyMcFuckface@reddit
Get an air horn. When she pulls up and honks, go out and blow that thing in her window. For as long as it takes. If that doesn’t work, eggs and/or ice cubes, throw them at the car from a location where you can be obscured and retreat unseen. I also may not rule out driving a pick ax through the cars hood if nothing else helps.
Spaceman_John_Spiff@reddit
Piss discs?
mmm1441@reddit
I was thinking eggs.
FAILNOUGHT@reddit
rotten eggs
MmMmM_Lemon@reddit
Leave a note on the door of your neighbor and kindly ask to not honk. If they keep doing it, then it’s time to pull out the big guns.
BBorNot@reddit
Or, gasp, TALK to your neighbor. This is the best way but it is not unethical so I didn't put it as a top-level response.
shadowdragon1978@reddit
My first thought is to set off an air horn every time she honks. But others may have suggestions that won't get the whole neighborhood pooling money for an assassin lol
ride_whenever@reddit
Rent or steal a fork lift. When they arrive, rush out, and lift their car up, put it somewhere very fucking dumb, on a phone box, on a narrow boat, into a shipping container
BountifulGarden@reddit
Get a house goose. It’ll honk at all hours of the day and night. Pro tip: buy ear defenders.
Jmckeown2@reddit
When they show up, you pull out park your car blocking them in.
IMMEDIATELY shut down the engine, give it about 5-10 seconds then pop the hood, storm angrily, and start grabbing shit under the hood “looking for something loose”
Talk to yourself as they approach, something about “fucking mechanic was supposed to fix the damn fuel injectors”
I’d be willing to bet they learn enough English to have a conversation in about 10 seconds.
At this point you can ask them to stop honking in the morning. Texting its much more polite. Then say you think you can get the car running again fiddle with something under there, and “Let’s see if it starts now. So I don’t have to leave it here while I call the mechanic ” Then get back in the car, start it up and just go back to your driveway.
eatingganesha@reddit
that is against ordinances in most places. Just video that crap and call the non-emergency police line to file a complaint. In my town, it’s a $500 fine to honk the horn when not actively in motion and you have to have a good reason to do so (imminent danger).
VixenTraffic@reddit
It’s definitely a fineable offense where I live.
When tourists leave here, they always say how “polite but stupid” our drivers are, because no one honked at them.
morkler@reddit
If you really want to do this the right way, follow them and find out where she lives. Then when you feel like she's asleep park out front and honk. Definitely will take some time and commitment. You could also tape a note to her car mentioning something about the honking. Maybe even suggesting she text the person she's picking up. Do the note before you honk. Even though she speaks a different language she may understand English or find someone to translate.
inkslingerben@reddit
This won't work because they are going to work, not home.
MisChef@reddit
I'd be just petty enough to follow them to work, note the car, drive back 6 hours later and wait. Worst case scenario, it's an 8-hour shift and they get an hour of overtime.
morkler@reddit
It will because they'll go home eventually. Hence the time and commitment.
FAILNOUGHT@reddit
it won't probably work but it lightens the morale
Unfair-Language7952@reddit
Walk up to her in the morning, politely knock on the window. When she opens it, blast her with an air horn. Should give her ringing in the ear for the rest of the day
Savings_Law_5822@reddit
Lmao! The image of this made me laugh out loud!
Extra_Tree_2077@reddit
If it’s really that bad and wakes you up anyway…. Why don’t you walk to that car and explain it to them?
If it’s that early, ring the door in the evening and talk with your neighbor?
IAmTheLizardQueen666@reddit
Wayyyyyyy too ethical for the sub.
r/lostredditer
kimbossmcmahlin@reddit
Get a handful of screws and throw em in the gutter in front of their house
gadget850@reddit
How quaint. I haven't heard anyone honk for a pickup in years.
ShamrockShakey@reddit
Sit in your car and honk your horn half an hour before they come to pick her up. Or do it on the days she's off work. Or late at night when you know she's sleeping.
inkslingerben@reddit
This must bother your other neighbors also. You should all go out and pound on her car repeatedly, maybe let air out of one of her tires.
Wonderful_Degree_431@reddit
You could get an official looking sign made saying
"no honking per city noise ordinance 1.86.998 violators subject to $500 fine"
Your city likely does have an actual noise ordinance you can find the code number.
Hang a dummy cam/mic to make it look like the area is monitored for a little extra sauce.
Cmdr_Redbeard@reddit
Throw eggs at the friend she is picking up.