ULPT: How to get sick and not die?
Posted by According-Cake-7965@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 267 comments
**Just to clarify, this post is written with out of curiosity and I have no intent of using it, nor should anyone try any suggestions from the comments**
Hi,
Let's say you need to get into a hospital, how would you do it? How would you get sick for a day or two, with symptoms like fever or vomiting, and NOT DIE or have any irreversible damage?
I guess some medicine overdose will do, but don't know which:
Paracetamol sounds scary and a wrong dose could get some serious damage, the effects of Ibuprofen sound like shit (literally), Diphenhydramine (Benadryl) perhaps could fit but I don't know the dose or if it has any other symptoms, and also there's Dextromethorphan/DXM.
What are the safe dosages of these ones? Which ones are the safest and are there other ones?
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Drink some laxative.
impy695@reddit
Intentionally overdosing on medication, even a non lethal amount is going to risk you getting a psych hold. Im guessing you're not a good liar, so the staff is unlikely to believe whatever excuse you give them
ClaudiuT@reddit
Just go to a local park and lick a toddler.
If he's already sneezing or coughing it's guaranteed.
Rangavar@reddit
Skip the toddler and lick a handrail. Don't have to deal with the screaming parents.
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Or the prison sentence.
Modyenderreddit480@reddit
did that. i have court on monday what next
Mr_Funbags@reddit
Your court appearance and your name on a sex offender registry, would be my thought. Did I guess right?
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Celebrate. Now you don't need to worry about work for 10-15 years.
CaliEDC@reddit
This is now r/illegallifeprotips lol
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
Seriously, I won't lick any handrail or anything, because it disgusts me, making out with someone is also not an option since I assume you meant consensually.
I don't think I'm a bad liar, and honestly I don't mind going to a psych ward if necessary.
impy695@reddit
Tell a doctor you're thinking of overdosing on medication. You'll be in a hospital for a few days, guaranteed and you wont even have to lie or out your life at risk. Id suggest doing that
vermilion-chartreuse@reddit
This is the best tip, because it's true
stfucupcake@reddit
bring a good book
vermilion-chartreuse@reddit
If you don't mind the psych ward just call and say you're having suicidal ideations.
natdni@reddit
if you want to go to a psych ward just go to the ER and say you’re suicidal and have a plan to kill yourself. no need to damage your body by overdosing.
mister-ferguson@reddit
Let me introduce you to the 72 hour hold...
Go to the Emergency department and just start screaming. Don't stop. People try to talk to you, just scream. Keep it up. Scream more. Getting tired? Scream louder. When your voice starts to give out, keep trying to scream. Once they try to calm you down or sedate you resist. Scream more. Fight it. But not enough to get an assault charge. Just enough to show resistance. All while screaming.
As soon as you wake up from being sedated. Start screaming again. Keep going. A good 24 hours of screaming should do it. Just the commitment alone for doing this should earn you at least some observation.
RighteousAudacity@reddit
My husband's hospital is settling a suit for a rape and murder that happened while a man was sedated in Psych. I don't recommend this.
mister-ferguson@reddit
I had a client run away from the supposedly locked and secured facility because she didn't feel safe after another patient, who was in for suicidal threats, was able to get on the roof of the supposedly locked and secured facility and jump to his death.
RighteousAudacity@reddit
Wow. I'm not surprised, though.
cheezus-crust@reddit
Easier than this: pretend to have catatonia. Don’t look at anybody and don’t respond. Until they give you benzodiazepines.
They might crush your toenails to get a response out of you. Power through it.
mister-ferguson@reddit
That's the problem. There are tests for catatonia. Plenty of people try to fake it.
rabid_cheese_enjoyer@reddit
do not do this on a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday Sunday unless you are cool being held for more than 72 hours.
depending on the state you might also lose access to guns for a period of time/forever. depending on the type of job you have, this being on your record could mess that up or keep you from getting certain jobs
good luck, psych holds are very boring
0011010100110011@reddit
Unwired inpatient psych and I came here to say this.
If you come in on a Friday, you’re gonna have a bad time.
And yes, in my state we Safe Act people, but only for specific reasons or diagnosis.
eatshitdillhole@reddit
What difference does the day of the week you are admitted make? Is it like jail, where you don't want to be arrested at the end of the week because you won't have a hearing until the beginning or middle of the next week? I have no experience with psych holds
0011010100110011@reddit
I commented it a few threads down, but basically it’s because the people who decided if you’re well enough to be discharged or not is called your care team. Your care team consists of your social worker, ward psychologist or psychiatrist, and case manager.
Those people work Monday through Friday. So, if you’re admitted in a Thursday or Friday, and you are placed on a 72 hour hold, you’ll be in longer. And if you lose your temper about it, the RNs working will document it as such, and you will likely be held longer until your care team determines/agrees that you’ve reached, “baseline” again.
So, for someone going though a serious mental break or elevated state, this is good. The extra time can be helpful.
But if you were pissed at your boss and texted your Mom you’re going to kill yourself and she calls the cops and they get permission for a pick-up order… You’re gonna be pretty bored, and likely in the same ward (sometimes with as many as 30 people) who are there because they have real mental health crisis going on. That can include 24/7 screaming, people walking into your room, sharing a room and bathroom with a stranger or several, very uncomfortable beds and, “blue” meals (everything is as suicide-proof as possible so no silverware unless approved).
Oh, and you’ll be rounded on every fifteen minutes. So, I hope you can poop/shower/masterbate whatever you normally do in private, in under fifteen minutes. Even in your sleep, so I hope you’re not a light sleeper.
And fwiw, at my ward we’ve had several criminals where I worked. People who were caught doing something awful and the second they’re arrested they say they’re going to kill themselves. So, now you have criminals on unit, also.
So yea, it’s helpful for those that need it. It’s kinda hell if you’re just looking to skip work.
TL;DR: The staff responsible for your discharge work Monday through Friday. The unit can be rough for someone just looking to play hooky.
rabid_cheese_enjoyer@reddit
it was hell for me because I went voluntarily but for annoying administrative reasons they needed to 72 hour hold me (hospital transfer) I had a CPAP and they didnt have enough staff to monitor my use of it so I was not allowed access to my medical device except for specific hours and if I didn't go to sleep fast enough they took it away
the groups were also not very helpful and I got really upset because there were people there who really really wanted to get help and to get better and this place pretty much just a holding cell. I would rather die than ever go there again
0011010100110011@reddit
The administrative hold does sound frustrating. Honestly, sounds awful. I always felt bad bringing the paperwork over. It’s just not a great time.
As for the CPAP, I’m assuming every hospital is different with how well they follow the rules for Psych. We only had four beds that could accommodated a CPAP, and if you were in a different bed you had to be with a roommate that was not admitted for suicidal idealization/action. And yes, you could only have the machine while night shift was working. For us that was 12 hours, but I’m not sure where you were. It all is really annoying, but, unfortunately it’s just how the rules are designed to keep people safe.
Lol, yea, the groups are bland. I would tell people that the Psych Ward is for, “safe holding.” It’s the place you go to before your long-term help comes into play—like meeting with a therapist on a regular basis, or going to a treatment center. The hospital is really just there to keep you and others safe, not particularly to change your life in a profound way. It could be so much more, but it comes down to insurance. We live in a country where insurance rules all and they make so much red tape. It’s just gross, and greedy, and downright awful.
The books are hard. We didn’t often allow personal items either, because if they became damaged it was a huge bummer. People (like yourself, it sounds like) have some really great and kind intentions, and sometimes other people just take advantage of it. It was really kind of you to share, and hopefully you got your books back in one piece!
Fwiw, I hope you’re in a better place now and don’t need to go back :)
rabid_cheese_enjoyer@reddit
I actually left the books when i got out because I had a lot of access to books, an e-reader, no attachment to the books themselves, and they didn't really have anything.
I wasn't allowed to have the CPAP at night or during the day. of I didn't get to sleep quickly enough at night (like within an hour) they just took it away even if it was still night time. so let's say I wanted to go to bed at 10pm. if i wasn't asleep by 11pm that was it for me and I would have to give my machine back. I mostly just didn't sleep the whole time I was there because of this
0011010100110011@reddit
That was really kind of you to leave the books! I’m sure they appreciated it.
As for the CPAP, that’s wild. They sound understaffed or potentially bad management. The general rule for us was you had from when you were ready to sleep (and asked for it) until report at 7A and day staff came on. If you had been admitted for awhile and were proven safe (and had the okay from your psychologist) we would allow patients to keep it until they woke up naturally, as opposed to night staff waking them at 6:30A. But normally later than like 9A, just to keep the rest of the unit safe.
Either way, I’m sorry you had such a bad experience. That’s always upsetting to hear.
eatshitdillhole@reddit
Oof that does sound really rough for someone just trying to get out of something (and a waste of time and resources that could/should have gone to someone truly suffering). Apologies for not finishing the thread to find the answer first, I really appreciate you explaining all of that. I'm sure you have seen some shit in that environment. Also, I just noticed your pfp and got such a huge dose of nostalgia haha I haven't thought about those angelz or whatever in like 15 years lol
0011010100110011@reddit
Oh no worries! I don’t mind explaining it more than once. A lot of people go in blind, so, having an idea of what to expect is worth writing a bit more.
I actually left the field when I became pregnant. Too stressful and my patients suddenly started becoming violent after nearly a decade of that line of work. It was just like… All at once. Everyone was suddenly much more severe than I had ever encountered. But anyhow—I loved the work but I couldn’t raise a family under those conditions. I work for the government now helping people afford homes. So, that makes me happy.
Thanks! And so close—they’re called Dollz! (I had to Google it myself lol). I had them on my MySpace and kind of hoped I’d see them around more with Y2K coming back :)
The Dollz Maker still works 🥹
eatshitdillhole@reddit
DOLLZ MAKER THATS IT! Wowww the memories haha my MySpace page was fill we d with these and all sorts of clutter from those custom HTML pages. Thank you for reminding me😂
Im glad that you seem to have a much more chill job, and that you're still helping people. You seem like an incredibly kind and charitable person and i wish there were more helpers like you in the world 💓✌️
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Sounds like you have experience. Are you mentally spicy like me?
rabid_cheese_enjoyer@reddit
yup
hanscons@reddit
Lmao american priorities are so fucked. yOu mIGhT lEWs YErr gUNzz!!
Mythsteryx@reddit
You can voluntarily admit yourself for being suicidal without the screaming show lol
dr-bolognese@reddit
But where is the fun in that?
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
Thanks but don't think I'm capable of doing this
lav__ender@reddit
this would work. but as a nurse, this would make me HATE you, and we’re already burnt out as is 😭why does OP even want to be hospitalized
Booopbooopp@reddit
For whatever reason, my close friend was sedated when he was a teenager because he had mentally lost it from years of acid use. He’s nearly 50 and every time I see him he brings it up. Seems like it truly traumatised him. He is in desperate need of mental help but I wonder if that sedation is the reason he won’t get it.
Fr3sh3stl4d@reddit
You could also just go into the ER and tell them you're going to kill yourself....
adamdoesmusic@reddit
In some hospitals they’ll just leave you there for 6 hours to scream at other random people about nothing in particular. If they’re lucky, you’ve simply decided to narrate a conversation in an extremely professional-sounding voice instead.
Source: have been subjected to both. Unfortunately only one of the second, two of the first.
mister-ferguson@reddit
Obviously 6 hours won't be enough. Keep it up!
Crackytacks@reddit
They won't keep you just transfer you to a state inpatient and it will be a hellish place
mister-ferguson@reddit
It'll still be about 72 hour. Ask me how I know!
Crackytacks@reddit
Yes but depending on the state the day admitted doesn't count (though the day you're released can be the morning so maybe it evens out) BUT WEEKENDS DON'T COUNT BECAUSE PEOPLE STOP BEING HUMAN ON WEEKENDS I GUESS
0011010100110011@reddit
Weekends don’t count because care teams (social work, ward psychologists and psychiatrists, and case managers) work Monday through Friday, not a rotating shift like nurses.
ClaudiuT@reddit
You probably read a lot, right? Right??
mister-ferguson@reddit
No, I work in mental health...
CommunicationTop5231@reddit
I love the strategy and commitment. This is the stuff that keeps me coming back to this sub.
Just a PSA to anyone who might do this: you are potentially looking at lifelong future barriers to life insurance, certain medications/therapies, gun ownership, and probably other things.
Panda-768@reddit
they ll pump you with sedatives and question your mental health forever
Appropriate_Type_300@reddit
Easy. Start putting random things up your bum. Continue until whatever it was won't come back out. Boom hospital
Hero_Tengu@reddit
Shampoo bottle, say you fell in the shower
two-of-me@reddit
My friend is an ER nurse and tells some fun stories about the random things she has to remove from people’s butts when they “accidentally fell” onto things like toy cars and other bizarre things. She always ends up telling them she’s not judging at all, but using something with a flared base is absolutely necessary.
RighteousAudacity@reddit
I was in attendance when someone came in with a remote control car up his rear-end.
Raptr117@reddit
It hit interstate speeds on the prostate
RighteousAudacity@reddit
Gives a whole new meaning to "Radar Love" (song by Golden Earring, which is the best driving song ever.)
CuriousExpression876@reddit
I will never understand that- who looks at a remote control car and says to themselves ‘oh yeah that’s going to be great!’???
housevil@reddit
When someone's mom deletes their World of Warcraft account.
PhilGoodx7@reddit
This flew under the radar but I see you classic yt meme. I see you
housevil@reddit
Nev R 4 get
dogheadtilt@reddit
It was ribbed for his pleasure
RighteousAudacity@reddit
Who looks at an umbrella and thinks, "Today is the day I want to perforated my bowel," but they have. (True story) 🌂
CuriousExpression876@reddit
Omg that’s… like something out of a saw movie
Hero_Tengu@reddit
I… I… should have stayed home…. Butts are one way exits only. I wanna go home it’s cold and has chairs
Vnoxic@reddit
I wondered the same thing when I saw 1 man 1 Jar
twistedbrewmejunk@reddit
I could see it as a I'm the Dale bunhart of RC racing I can drive em anywhere.....I bet you the next case of but lites that you couldn't jump it into my but hole.... Was part of the pre incident chatter..
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
I told you not to tell anyone that I did that!
RighteousAudacity@reddit
I didn't tell them your name. 🙄
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Oh shit. I done goofed.
RighteousAudacity@reddit
😄
Hero_Tengu@reddit
“Speed I am speed!”
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Were you the guy with the 13 inch pipe up the rear that made me have to wait for the booty item removal tool to get the remote control car out of my rear?
PintLasher@reddit
Kerchow
CHIEFxBONE@reddit
ftmikey_d@reddit
My favorite oops of my career happened on valentine's day. An elderly couple (both in their 80s) decided to kick it like they used to for the night. Well, apparently that included shoving a 9in cucumber in her (now dementia ridden) husbands ass. Im all for butt play, but kids, if it doesnt have a flared base, its a no. Unfortunately for him, it got lost and we had to go digging in his garden to find it.
Powerful-Metal1313@reddit
Friend’s dad was a trauma surgeon. I asked him what was the craziest thing he saw someone shove up their butt. Guy came in one time impaled up the butt with a broom. Came out near his shoulder. He had laid a plank across two step ladders and rigged a pulley system so he could lift himself up and down on the broom while he jerked off. Slipped on (likely) lube and broom went in a bit far
sebdude101@reddit
Jfc dude lol like surely if you’re at the point of using a fucking pulley system you could just instead by a dildo
marmeylady@reddit
Ok… enough internet for today
FigPac@reddit
Can of Vienna sausages, picked up in pathology lab. Many light bulbs.
One_Sense_5007@reddit
So weird question but like how do you even get stuff like that out? Laxatives? A pair of Tongs?
two-of-me@reddit
I have no idea and I’ve never asked how they get it out. I only ask about what people have put up there any given week I ask.
Hero_Tengu@reddit
So hypothetically….. a light bulb on a fixture…. That would be okay?
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Spoilered because what I wrote is an IRL infohazard.
Nah, when that happened to me>! it shattered inside of me leading to the worst visit to the bathroom I've ever had and a lot longer than 72 hours......!<
big_duo3674@reddit
Push it in and out, at a medium pace
7Seyo7@reddit
Fell at a medium pace
Manarcahm@reddit
deodorant bottle works well too!
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Nah, I was only in the hospital for like 3 hours. You need something that requires further observation. like something can be absorbed by the booty hole like butt chugging but is not actually harmful. Like a strap-on laced in an unknown chemical that in reality you know was not dangerous but the doctors don't know, worn by that hooker who is missing two of her teeth but really knows what she is doing and works off of the 110 and has a whole collection for you to choose from. Hypothetically speaking....
Fabulous-Educator447@reddit
…so I’ve heard…
MaxBluenote@reddit
Million to one shot, Doc!
GeeTheMongoose@reddit
Skip that step and go to the hospital.
Tell them you're planning to overdose on OTC meds. Ask them what's the maximum dosage you can take without causing long-term harm and how much you would need to take to die for sure.
ClairLestrange@reddit
Boom. 5150 into the psych ward. Comes with complementary grippy socks, and maybe a nice jacket you can hug yourself in
Gather1p0tat0@reddit
Just don't lie and say u slipped
poopsinshoe@reddit
I did this with a bunch of tiny plastic horses from a farm playset. My goal backfired though because when I went to the hospital they said my condition was "Stable"
Appropriate_Type_300@reddit
Booo
Visible-Literature14@reddit
Tough crowd down here at the stable
RighteousAudacity@reddit
Do not take paracetamol/ acetaminophen as an overdose, unless you want to live with irreversible liver damage. It happens more than you know.
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
Yeah I know, that's why I wrote in the post that it sounds scary, taking the wrong dose is very risky. But what about the other ones? Benadryl or DXM? From what I read it sounds like their effects wouldn't be that bad and they have a no long term effect
RighteousAudacity@reddit
Both are sedating at high levels. You may not have a chance to save yourself. It's not worth the risk, imho.
Flanderz99@reddit
Do NOT try to overdose on Benadryl. In really high doses it’s a deliriant hallucinant. You’ll have a horrible trip, seeing giant bugs and spiders, paranoia, and you’ll see something they call “the hat man” r/DPH is a subreddit dedicated to it, if you don’t believe me
dottydiapers@reddit
I've od'd on Benadryl and it is terrifying don't do it! the shadow people and creatures will get you before you get to the hospital
Apprehensive_Spite97@reddit
They'll sniff out immediately if you've taken Benadryl lol. They won´t let you in for taking drugs, or all the meth heads wouldn´t have to be on the streets
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
So what wouldn't be detected? Preferably without long-lasting effects
Apprehensive_Spite97@reddit
Nothing. They'll find out in a minute if you have a serious life threatening overdose. I don´t know why you keep asking about what drugs to take to get into hospital safely. There are none. It´s also highly disrespectful to play around like this, and dangerous as well. You should consider getting mental health help, or the help you obviously need.
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
There's no other choice, I've never used but have no other choice now. I can’t contact a psych ward or anything, and I need a way into a hospital, not necessarily drugs. Haven't you read the title of this subreddit? I need the thing that I asked for, and not your wisdom on the help I need
Apprehensive_Spite97@reddit
ok, then here´s the plan. get the hottest chili you can think of and put it in your eyes, then go to a public place and pretend you fainted. you have to keep completely still until someone tries to wake you up. make it hard for them, roll your eyes back and shake your body like you're having spasms, look confused, and like you're having trouble speaking. drink a lot of water before doing this and piss yourself as well. this will land you in the hospital. you can also eat a tiny bit of coffee grains, keep it in your mouth and throw this up before you faint, it needs to look like it comes from the stomach and not brown like coffee just black coffee grains. have two red bulls before you do this, not more, and also have a short run so you'll be a little bit sweaty
are you happy with this?
GreatBigSteak@reddit
Your best bet is food poisoning. Of course there is risk that you wont recover and fight off the infection, but modern medicine has reached the point where the risk is relatively low.
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
There are a couple of issues with food poisoning: 1. You can't measure exactly the amount. 2. It's disgusting and I don't know how to get it exactly. 3. I can't know for sure if it will have any effect at all, or, like, kill me
GreatBigSteak@reddit
Enterotoxigenic E. coli and Enteropathogenic E. coli are known to cause gastrointestinal upset in healthy adults. Fatal complications are exceedingly rare outside of very young, old, or immunocompromised individuals.
Theoretically, and I’m not recommending this, but you could purchase one of these strains online, as well as some agar trays, inoculate the tray with your E. coli strain, and then eat the agar after the E. coli has had time to grow.
Apprehensive_Spite97@reddit
E coli? They might let you into hospital if you're bleeding out your ass.
GreatBigSteak@reddit
Just need a jar
Apprehensive_Spite97@reddit
and two nuns, or two nurses, or a good friend
vermilion-chartreuse@reddit
Well, you said you weren't actually going to do this so... Maybe we shouldn't tell you how to get it 😅
Apprehensive_Spite97@reddit
Which means they won´t let you into hospital. There are ways to measure if you need it or not, it takes five minutes and there´s no way you'll get in hospital for a stomach bug unless you're on the brink of death. Lol
crystalgem411@reddit
Overdosing on either of those is a terrible idea and it can take a long time to recover from.
Booopbooopp@reddit
And from what I’ve read, it’s a very slow and painful way to go if you take enough for it to kill you. Poor people taking an overdose in an attempt to take their life and end up in excruciating pain for months until their body finally shuts down.
RighteousAudacity@reddit
Extremely slow and painful. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
Tattsand@reddit
I always wonder about this because I took a whole pack of paracetamol and then went to school when I was 13. Don't worry that was a good 15ys ago. But yeah. I was attempting, it just didn't work (obviously), I did feel sick though I guess.
B4nn3dByChr1st14ns@reddit
Pretty sure you can order viruses like the cold online, choose your sickness of choice
m1shm1sh99@reddit
How…..?
thumbulukutamalasa@reddit
Just so you know taking too much DXM will make you trip balls.
weinerdog35@reddit
Eat some filthy ass
thisisvenky@reddit
Keep onions in your armpit, gives you high body temperature.
cold_quinoa@reddit
I've gone to urgent care to say I don't feel good and need a Dr's note. They typically understand that people need an unexpected day off sometimes.
monkeywelder@reddit
Eat shit- literally
PickleyRickley@reddit
Migraines are free, universal, and don't kill you with the meds they use to help. Do with that what you may.
stellaandme@reddit
If you haven't already been officially diagnosed with migraines and you show up at an ER with the worst headache of your life, they will make you do an MRI to check for an aneurysm or other brain injury before doing the migraine cocktail. This will all run you about $1200 at my hospital with my insurance. You will be discharged in less than 3 hours, if you are like me. YMMV.
AddictedToColour@reddit
As a podiatrist:
-use a dirty needle to inject things into your foot and ignore the ooze that starts coming out for at least one week.
-have a friend drive over your foot with a van so you get compartment syndrome.
-Fall down the stairs in such a way that your tibia fractures and punctures through your skin.
-Break some glass in your chicken coop and walk barefoot over it. Wait until it starts to smell to get the glass removed.
-develop wet gangrene in your toe and tell your wife to open the windows when she complains about the smell rather than going to the hospital.
*Disclaimer: some or all of these may result in amputations.
lav__ender@reddit
as a nurse:
have poorly managed type 2 diabetes and . get bit by a snake on your foot. listen to advice from your reservation’s medicine man to urinate on affected foot. continue about your life until said foot becomes gangrenous and turns black. obtain a brand new below the knee amputation.
AddictedToColour@reddit
Oh lawd
Ari-Hel@reddit
😳
will_da_beezt@reddit
I don't recommend the tibia fracture. When I was 7 I broke both tibia and fibula. Clean break, luckily it all stayed inside my skin. But I was in a major cast for 4 to 6 months, then smaller casts for the next 2 or 3 months, I don't really remember.
Anyways, now I run funny. 🫤
toolsavvy@reddit
Hold a tobacco leave in your armpit for a couple hours.
n8late@reddit
Easy, call 911 and say you're going to off yourself. You'll get 72 hours under observation.
ComprehensiveWay3276@reddit
If you went to the hospital and told them exactly what you posted OP, I think that would get you into some type of hospital on a medical safety hold. The only thing harmed: your ego.
chironreversed@reddit
Do you have Munchausens?
nebulacoffeez@reddit
As a surviving victim of someone like this... also my first thought. Stop giving this abuser tips to harm his victim.
lav__ender@reddit
that’s Münchausen by proxy. individuals can have Münchausen syndrome where they inflict illness on themselves. always for attention. usually because they were neglected somewhat as children.
nebulacoffeez@reddit
Ah yes you're right, thanks for correcting me.
lav__ender@reddit
I’m sorry you had to go through that regardless. to inflict this kind of torture on yourself for attention is one thing, to inflict it on your non-consenting child for attention is pure evil.
nebulacoffeez@reddit
Thank you, I appreciate it. It was hell & ruined my life in so many ways, but I escaped & have been no-contact for many years now.
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
Nope, and I'm serious, that’s not it. I don't want to harm myself as I clarified in the post, nor do I want to draw attention or mercy from anyone. It’s a one-time thing and it's necessary, but thanks for your concern
Djassie18698@reddit
Why would this be necessary, you're not making it better for yourself
GuestStarr@reddit
I thought they just had a place to go, a meeting to attend or something like that. And they need an official and valid reason for not being where they are supposed to be.
evil_trash_panda@reddit
That was my first thought
jinjinb@reddit
mine too!!
sftkitti@reddit
if you only wanted to be hospitalised, there’s also the psych ward…….
OfficerSexyPants@reddit
Go to the ER
Tell them you feel like shit and you think you may die
When they ask for your ID, say you don't have it on you
Lie about your name, phone number, and address
Leave after being treated.
***You can write your name with some modifications if you feel like you might need to pick up some perscriptions later
evil_trash_panda@reddit
Eat a cigarette. The tobacco will make you look and feel deathly ill. Pale, cold sweats, stomach cramps, and eventually you'll throw up. Once you've throw up the cigarette you will feel back to normal about 5 min later. Whole ordeal takes 40 ish min on average. Easy way to get put of stuff if needed, if they don't believe you at first, they will when you throw up.
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
I heard about this. How do I eat an entire cigarette? I know that you need to eat the tobacco, do you need to consume the cigarette as a whole? And can you get diarrhea from eating the cigarette?
evil_trash_panda@reddit
Less likely to get diarrhea but it is possible, for a short time. And you don't need to eat the filter piece but the rest of it with the tobacco
Atikal@reddit
How on earth did you figure this out
Lemon_Sponge@reddit
From the Jackal
Vnoxic@reddit
Trial and error
MrUsername24@reddit
This story somehow walks the line of 50 percent believable and 50 percent could be internet bullshit. Good job I hope I never need to find out
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
It's real, I remember now that I know someone who told me a long time ago that they did it, and it actually works
Chewbacca_The_Wookie@reddit
It's a legitimate thing. You can do something similar by soaking the cigarette in water, and supposedly if you do two or three it can even mimic a heart attack fairly closely although that may just be an actual heart attack.
Rangavar@reddit
Yeah wouldn't the cigarette be in the vomit and the nurses will figure out exactly what happened?
evil_trash_panda@reddit
Its like people who swallow dip tobacco. Or use a cigar improperly. The body doesn't like tobacco inside of it.
Elope9678@reddit
Adopt a venomous spider or snake as a pet and let them worry about the reat
8448381948@reddit
alcohol... lots of it
MattMBerkshire@reddit
Bar tender suggests a pint of swamp water.
Chef specialty of licking raw beef with some potato leaves or daffodils.
You probably won't die. But you will be ill.
Tar_alcaran@reddit
Drinking swap water very might could actually kill you.
Ok-Professional9328@reddit
So go eat at the worst rated restaurant in your area, bonus points if people mention hospitalization in the reviews, Faint ignorance when asked why did you eat there?
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Key word. Probably. You don't know what microbes might be in that water. I had a classmate get flesh eating bacteria from a sand box so I can only imagine what might be in swamp water.
ArsonistsLulaby@reddit
If its standing water, just go the other way. God only knows what's in that crap
spoonlips76@reddit
What if the water was laying down or sitting on a chair?
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
That's even worse. What you want is moving water. Like if the water was full on sprinting, that's what you want. Well as long as it doesn't hit you that is.
alsoaprettybigdeal@reddit
Probably won’t die, but you may want to!!
OwnPsychology8943@reddit
Psych hold is your safest bet. It guarantees a hospital stay and you don't have to hurt yourself first. Since it seems like you may be considering overdosing on meds, going to the ER and saying that you're considering overdosing on meds wouldn't even be a lie.
lr0nman_dies_Endgame@reddit
Eat a cigarette
Royal-Middle-7365@reddit
500 cigarettes
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
ambigymous@reddit
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Bortus used a printer in the show the Orville to print 500 cigarettes for him to eat.
Ruger4Intruders@reddit
“I feel as if I have been standing my entire life, and have just sat down”
Pluto02220@reddit
Two words. Chest. Pain. Don’t take no for an answer
Apprehensive_Spite97@reddit
Paracetamol? If you're a complete idiot. None of these things will get you in hospital in a safe way. They might kill you though. I would say the safest option is to lie and tell them you're going to kill yourself, but that won´t ensure you get in, and if you do you might have to stay for a while.. Good luck!
TB1289@reddit
Get your cylinder stuck in an M&M tube.
Encalypta@reddit
r/Smart_Calendar1874
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
OK but it's imperative that the cylinder remains unharmed
Vnoxic@reddit
Such an underrated suggestion
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Don't do that. I just tried it and now everything is purple and green down there, and no it did not feel good when that hot nurse pulled the thing off of my cylinder. I will never be able to get it up again.
Longjumping-Basil-74@reddit
Fever and vomiting are unlikely to put you in a hospital tbh. You need to have breathing difficulties, no heartbeat or some penetrating wound. In this hypothetical scenario I’d suggest you go to a bad neighborhood and get yourself shot in one of the limbs and run to a hospital screaming “I’ve been shot!!”. If you prefer to do things yourself, you can shoot self in the foot and tell them that you accidentally discharged your firearm. Finally, you can put a shaving cream bottle in your ass. Not a wound, but just penetrating will work too..
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
Sorry, I tried reading this but only heard bald eagle screeches
Jomosensual@reddit
Is there a reason you cant just take a shit ton of fiber gummies and have diarrhea? Why the hospital specifically
ellie1398@reddit
Food poisoning? Leave a bit of raw chicken at room temp overnight. Cut it to small pieces and swallow with water like pills. If you attempt to chew it, chances are you'll throw up before you even swallow. Chances of salmonella on raw chicken are not very high (at least in Belgium) but I'm sure if there was a singular colony, it'd grow overnight or if there are any other bacteria, they would've multiplied exponentially.
I-IV-I64-V-I@reddit
eat a bunch of unripe fruit. It sucks tho
Strange-Style-7808@reddit
Get severely dehydrated
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
How? Just… not drinking?
Beautifly@reddit
Plus laxatives
Red-Droid-Blue-Droid@reddit
That might get you a day or so. Maybe less. Might not even get you a bed, maybe a chair in the hallway. They are very eager to get you out, hate to admit you.
StarsEatMyCrown@reddit
Could probably get admitted if you refuse hydration because you have a fear. But that might mean psych ward.
Healthy_Brain5354@reddit
Not if you got bit by a bat
nebulacoffeez@reddit
Well that would mean 3000 dollar shots over 2 months... or dying in the arguably the most horriffic way possible... so I wouldn't recommend that lmao
Healthy_Brain5354@reddit
I meant lie about it at the hospital so they don’t think they hydrophobia is psych ward material
abandoned_voyager@reddit
I would say dehydration would be another “good”route
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
I've done it as a kid unintentionally. Can confirm that it is pretty safe and easy to fix.
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
I've done that. Not on purpose but that can work. My symptoms were vomiting, nausea, head aches, weakness, inability to eat or drink and I think I passed out. I don't really remember because it was in elementary school.
dryuhyr@reddit
If you’re well versed in such things, dextromethorphan could be a good (relatively) safe one. You’ll need between 1 and 1.2 g to reach the 4th plateau and get you to a place where they’ll need to take care of you for multiple days. Call the hospital (or drive yourself if you don’t want to pay ambulance fees) and tell them you accidentally took too much, thinking it was something else. Idk. Or just go in without saying you took anything. They will put you in the psych ward for a few days, maybe inject some noooept or other agonists and let you ride it out.
According-Cake-7965@reddit (OP)
Will the actually effect last for multiple days? Can you take a lower dose that will have the effect for a shorter time?
FancyADrink@reddit
Noopept as an NMDA agonist? Why would they care if you come down?
XpiniuM@reddit
Just eat a raw potato, you'll get a stomach ache and a high fever in no time.
Sufficient_Apricot87@reddit
All I have experience with is actually being admitted to the hospital for legitimate reasons.
Pancreatitis will get you around a week of a hospital stay and it will be Hell. I’ve heard there are ways to induce pancreatitis but it’ll likely take months of bad choices/circumstances to get you to the point of hospitalization.
I had an ovarian cyst rupture, was in the ER most of the day, admitted at like 7 PM that night, had surgery around midnight and was discharged by noon. Hospitals want you out ASAP so they can get the next patient that needs a bed admitted.
I had a c-section so that’ll give you 2-4 days in the hospital. That one takes some planning though.
I feel like it’s almost impossible to actually be admitted into the hospital for a 2-3 day stay unless you’re knocking on death’s door, have to be hooked up to an IV continuously, or are placed on a psych hold.
lav__ender@reddit
don’t overdose on Benadryl either. anticholinergic effects can cause seizures, delirium and hallucinations. it’s not a fun time. if they find out you overdosed on Benadryl on purpose, regardless of your intentions, you’ll be placed on an involuntary psych hold with a sitter watching you 24/7. you’ll be in a paper gown and you’ll get your phone taken away. won’t get to use the bathroom without the door open.
SchizophrenicDel@reddit
Depends on your intentions.
Do you want to get confined in a room? or Just a visit with certifications.
Because honestly, if you just want to get some medical certificates. Just fake some illness. Like make up some random shit they can't test you for like some headaches, dizziness, and the likes. Diarrhea is common though they narrow it down to dehydration but mention you're drinking electrolytes or something.
As for confinement, probably just fake faint in a hospital lobby or something.
Cons, they will stick a needle in you depending on their verdict of your "Fainting"
FJBP95@reddit
Trying to miss work or what? If you do, Do you go to the gym? If not, go to one soon and work something out till failure. It will hurt like a bitch if you're new. Then go to a hospital and say you think you got really hurt on whatever part. They'll get you some X-rays and say "nah you're ok you just pulled a muscle" and give you a doctor's excuse to be out of work for a few days.
catalytica@reddit
Tell them you have classic heart attack symptoms, pain in your chest radiating down your arm.
MoonBaseViceSquad@reddit
F’real just go on a bender that makes your most depraved look like you were in church with your grandmother. So fucked up it’s hard to tell whether you’re more of a mess on the booze/drugs/violence/risky business or when they’ve got you hooked up to an iv. You’ll be genuinely ill but likely thrown out at the first opportunity. Might even get some drugs to chase your week or three of partying with
heshroot@reddit
Does taking a shot of eyedrops still work? I saw it in a movie once.
Heyplaguedoctor@reddit
It’s likely to cause more harm than op wants.
codenameyoshi@reddit
Just walk in and say you have chest pain…they’ll have to run test to determine what’s up and prob keep you overnight for observation. You don’t have to actually take anything…
t3hnosp0on@reddit
Oooooooh ooohh ooooh I know this one. There was a house episode about this! Colchicine is what you want
twistedbrewmejunk@reddit
Probably wouldn't work for a hospital but taking to much niacin will flush your skin and make it hot to the touch.
dmode112378@reddit
Good luck. They barely admit anyone anymore.
Confused_Tinkytink@reddit
Just go lick some door knobs
Trueslyforaniceguy@reddit
Just eat chicken sashimi daily until someone takes you to the hospital.
TashDee267@reddit
I have influenza b if you’d like me to cough on you?
TriumphDaytona@reddit
Luck a Target toilet seat in the public restroom.
Important_Place_2652@reddit
I used to work at a hospital and there was this one guy that came in every once in a while complaining that his stomach hurt. Turns out that he was swallowing a shitload of AAA-batteries. This was notice the first time and he was able to pass them naturally. He continued to come in with a hurting stomach and when he upgraded to screws and AA-batteries they had to cut him open
Ari-Hel@reddit
Your last sentence ruined your well done comment
Important_Place_2652@reddit
It was kind of the point
Danny_G_93@reddit
Couple table spoons of castor oil
otkabdl@reddit
Where do you live? Any venomous but non-deadly snakes? Pray you aren't allergic and go make friends with one.
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Last time I tried that I got bit by a copperhead snake. Word of advice, do not google what their wounds look like. The stripper, I mean dancer that was with me saw it and passed out. She ended up hitting her head and ended up needing to stay in the hospital almost as long as me. But we shared a room at least so it wasn't all bad.
LotusBlooming90@reddit
What a story wow
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Yup. Now I have to get a new dancer because that one avoids me like the plague. Which is probably fair, no one likes having to drive a client to the hospital and then having to stay in the hospital after passing out.
raylan_givens6@reddit
Eat some Ruffles potato chips
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Why?
GetUrGuano@reddit
Lick a raw chicken breast or eat undercooked chicken
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
I licked a chicken's breast and now I am in the hospital with pecking wounds on my face. So it definitely worked.
SomeSortaWeeb@reddit
depending on legality you could just smoke a lot of weed and pass out somewhere safely public, it's essentially physically impossible to lethally overdose on THC unless you have some blood pressure issue. a phat joint of around 1 gram is probably enough to make any unseasoned smoker pale enough to warrant concern from a medical professional.
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
I did that and I woke up 5 days later in Mexico with some of my organs removed in an ice bath. Long story short, it took me 3 weeks and 5 of my toes to get my organs back and about 3 kilos of cocaine to hire a cartel doctor to put them back in me. Also word of advice, don't underpay when trying to get sneak back across the border without your passport when bribing border police. I ended up having to pay using 30 minutes and my dignity. Well to be fair, after the situation I had in Toledo last spring, I didn't really have any dignity left but they certainly tried to get every last drop of my dignity. Man hookers can be crazy.
BikeCookie@reddit
Tablespoon of salt in a quart of water. Drink it all as quick as possible. Your GI tract will be empty within about 4 hours.
Sotyka94@reddit
Serious case of food poisoning.
Just eat/drink something you definitely shouldn't.
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Last time I did that, I just shit myself while throwing up in my bathroom and was not sick enough to get admitted. Btw it was undercooked chicken. I should have listened when my coworker warned me about the restaurant undercooking food and either not eaten or double checked my food before eating.
Full-time_Gooner@reddit
Everyone here is trying to get you killed. The consequences of these "solutions" are way worse than whatever you're running from.
Just turn and face it, the only pain you can avoid in life is the pain of trying to avoid pain.
feline_riches@reddit
Egg nog overdose
Oh wait you said not cause irreversible damage. That I can’t promise.
AvoidingCape@reddit
So alcohol poisoning
feline_riches@reddit
No the phosphorus actually, non alcoholic works
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Sounds like either type of egg nog would be a great way to die. I fucking love egg nog.
checogg@reddit
Start licking seats
BadFishCM@reddit
Yeah I caught my 5 year old licking rails at Busch Gardens. She got sick the next day, she was sick for about 7 days too.
Kids are fucking gross.
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
I am a SPED teacher, the things I have seen makes me really want a vasectomy. /jk.......I'm thinking about it.......
bigmilker@reddit
Piss discs
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
I see you are a personage of culture as well.
gorgeously_mytruself@reddit
Why do you need to? I feel like there is a better way to accomplish your goal, but I need to know why! If the point is to just be in there: have someone drop you off and tell them you can’t move your non- dominant leg below the knee and your foot on that side, or tell them you keep passing out and pretend to faint. The options are endless, but many options will be expensive since doctors should do the job and scan stuff.
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
Or if they are in America, it's pretty much always expensive. Oh you need a band aid, that'll be $1500 would you like that in installments on our 1 or 2 year payment plan?
LackingUtility@reddit
I've had salmonella twice (not from my own cooking, out at restaurants). It's not a pleasant 24 hours, but it's rarely fatal if you're not very young, very old, or have a fucked up immune system.
So maybe lick some raw chicken?
aboxofbakingsoda@reddit
me personally if i absolutely had to do this i would just drink a bunch idk
i wouldn’t want to risk slaughtering my liver with a tylenol/advil OD
ivlopressor@reddit
Hey man, all these suggestions are wild and dangerous, dont do literally any of it. You don’t actually have take or do anything, just say you did lol unwitnessed fall with headstrike will get you extensive cards and neuro workups. Bright red blood in your stool will get you GI. Eat some beets if you really wanna sell it. Like, just lie ?????
taflad@reddit
Chew some cordite
veritron@reddit
if i were a teenager and wanted to hang out in a hospital for a day or two instead of going to school, rather than making myself sick, i would probably drop acid. they'll keep you in the er until you calm down, and that can be a long time with acid.
i can't imagine dropping acid and hanging out in a hospital would be a good time but it's way less crazy than actually making yourself sick.
SpellingIsAhful@reddit
Don't od on meds. Paracetamol will fuck up your liver permanently.
Individual_Tea_4783@reddit
Delsym & Adderall will make you hallucinate. That happened to me accidentally once and I was i. The er
firebreathingbunny@reddit
Eating chalk will give you a fever.
InteractionCandid226@reddit
Are you Charlie from It's always sunny?
_mvemjsunp@reddit
Do you know anyone who takes ozempic? Give yourself a 1mg dose. It won’t hurt you long term but you’ll puke from the nausea uncontrollably for 2-3 days. It’s not detectable by tests so you can claim food poisoning. It will be awful, though. I can’t remember ever feeling worse.
lieutenant_insano@reddit
I mean, Benadryl might do the trick but it would be very unpleasant. It's a deliriant and is very unpredictable but is usually a guaranteed bad trip. My experience was. Small chance you'll forget how to use a phone, so bring a friend. Watch out for spiders. https://m.psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Diphenhydramine
I've never done enough DXM to warrant a hospital visit, but I have robotripped a few times. Probably won't do what you're looking for.
fudgesik@reddit
eat a dozen of chocolate bars
cherryontop9090@reddit
This needs so much more context. It’s really hard to get admitted to a hospital.
Just tell us why you’re interested in it so we can give better suggestions
creepy-cats@reddit
Eat a few cigarettes. You will get shaky, feverish, and start throwing up.
two-of-me@reddit
Ipecac.
dickpaste@reddit
I hear you don't die from AIDS anymore, there are medications for that
ObiWendigobi@reddit
You’ll could probably take a bunch of laxatives until you dehydrate yourself. A few IVs at the hospital will fix you right up.
Drunk_Lemon@reddit
No idea. But I always like to suggest getting black out drunk. So maybe try that? Also, make sure to bring small vodka bottles with you to the hospital so you can make sure you stay sick. My grandmother always wanted me to bring her wine while she was in a nursing home for a drug addiction and loss of mobility. I am surprised she lasted so long.
Used_Database_344@reddit
Ink cap mushrooms and alcohol