"You're a great wizard. You really are"
Posted by Blue_Moon_Cheese@reddit | greentext | View on Reddit | 199 comments
Posted by Blue_Moon_Cheese@reddit | greentext | View on Reddit | 199 comments
E1visShotJFK@reddit
I've never watched Harry Potter, and from shit like this, I don't think I'll ever need too
xRamenator@reddit
HP is one of those universes thats as broad as an ocean but about as deep as a puddle.
Its fun to read as a child because your imagination fills in the blanks, but J K Rowling really didn't think a lot of things through, and left a lot of more interesting ideas unexplored.
If you missed out as a child its not really worth going back for.
Lewis-ly@reddit
It is, correct me if I'm wrong, a children's book, no? So, fair enough. It was never meant to be lotr.
InquisitorMeow@reddit
I mean she certainly tried to make it deep and to symbolic near the end. I loved the old Harry Potter books as a kid but imo they kinda fell off after the 5th book. I didn't really give a shit about all the elder wand bs. Felt kinda like a deus ex machina.
xRamenator@reddit
The biggest weakness of the writing, and ironically probably why a lot of kids like the series, is that the alleged protagonist, Harry, never actually does anything or has any agency.
This is almost lampshaded in the story itself when it's revealed that Dumbledore was using Harry as a pawn, that the prophecy itself revealed Harry was easily interchangeable with Neville Longbottom and the end result would have been the same.
Harry as an individual was never really important to the story, the plot pushes him forward, rather than his decisions moving the plot. Every significant event around him is triggered by the people around him.
As a result, Harry is a relatively blank slate that young readers can use to self insert, since they dont need to make any important decisions.
8-Brit@reddit
Holy fuck it's pre-teen Twilight
Just, moderately, less terrible
InquisitorMeow@reddit
I always found it weird when people talk about self inserting as characters in books and shows. Ive never understood how it works, if the character has a name then the story is about them. It only makes sense in things like games where you make decisions or are a literal silent protag.
CruisingandBoozing@reddit
It’s about the fantasy of being in that world and thinking, “wow, they’re just like me!”
Women do this with modern smut/fantasy slop novels all the time.
CapriciousCapybara@reddit
It’s basically an Isekai for British children
mischievous_shota@reddit
Not really isekai since it's the same world. Narnia is isekai for British children.
Lord_Chromosome@reddit
It’s literally called “the wizarding world of Harry Potter.” Like yes, there’s no magic portal that takes you there, but they take great pains to keep the wizard society secret from the normies. So it is functionally a different world.
mischievous_shota@reddit
A secret society occupying the same world. Iseakai literally means different world.
Lord_Chromosome@reddit
Stop being obtuse, you’re arguing a semantic. They are thematically, narratively, and effectively different worlds.
mischievous_shota@reddit
They're not the same world, semantically or otherwise. There are some similarities but they're very much not the same thing.
CapriciousCapybara@reddit
More about how the protagonist is a “loser in real life” but turns out he’s a wizard, super rich, and is the champion of sports ball overnight in this magic community
xRamenator@reddit
Something being intended for children doesn't give it the excuse to be mediocre. Believe it or not, children can tell when they're being fed slop.
schmitzel88@reddit
Agreed with this take. These books came out when I was like 6-7 years old and I enjoyed reading them then, but that alone demonstrates how these can't possibly be very deep or complex through adult eyes.
LachlantehGreat@reddit
Great universe to explore though, I hope they make more media for it. It was never really designed to be for adults, but the setting definitely could be used in the future
98VoteForPedro@reddit
Have you seen all the shit she tweeted about the books, the toilet and all that other crap... It's best to let someone else take over, her ideas are whack
mischievous_shota@reddit
You don't even really need to use her universe. Robed wizards with wands are hardly unique to HP and the rules and such of her universe are such a disaster that you might as well start over fresh.
LachlantehGreat@reddit
Oh I agree 100% lol, she built a great world, but she’s a quack
eazy_12@reddit
I think this series unironically would benefit from being "remastered" by adding stuff from later books into earlier books and generally rethinking the stupid parts.
CannonGerbil@reddit
The major problem with Harry Potter is that it has a foundation as a children's book that operates on children book logic, but then it morphed into a young adult series with serious stakes and societal delvings and stuff, but it's still built on a foundation of a children's book which means the setting doesn't survive any close scrutiny whatsoever. There is a reason why significant segments of book 5 and 6 is dedicated to retconing, minimizing, or otherwise removing the influence of some of the whackier shit that got introduced in the first three books like the time traveling honor student and the absolutely stupid plan to defend the philosophers stone that a bunch of 10 year olds could get through
xRamenator@reddit
I agree, though the other issue which is less immediately obvious is Rowling's politics themselves. Rowling is the worst kind of Liberal Conservative, in that she holds the idea that the status quo and institutions should be defended, as long as the correct people are in power.
This is highlighted by the fact no serious reform happened after Voldemort and his Death Eaters took over the Ministry of Magic. There were no investigations or examination of the role the Ministry had in covering up Voldemort's return and his rise to power, and the structures and conditions that created Voldemort.
In other words, Hitler didn't just exist in a vacuum, the material conditions in Germany at the time were such that someone like Hitler could come along and rise to power. Similarly, Voldemort didn't just appear out of thin air, he was the product of suffering the racism and discrimination for having "impure blood".
There is a huge amount of racism and systemic inequality that just gets glossed over in the Wizarding world because "thats just how its always been" and disturbing the status quo is frowned upon.
This gets touched on with the plight of the house elves, but Rowling becomes uncomfortable with the idea and fails to follow through, leaving Hermione to be the butt of the joke for daring to point out the obvious injustice.
Hyperversum@reddit
It's honestly quite a loss tbh.
Rowling is a cunt and fucked up her worldbuilding (not that she cared), but she could weave decent plots and moment from moment
Dxpehat@reddit
IMO these are still interesting books to read. Not the best, but I wasn't bored. Only the last two were kinda shit.
Foodconsumer3000@reddit
Agreed, HP should have really worked harder on their printers, don't know what Just Kidding Rowling had to do with them though
utkohoc@reddit
Why do ugly people exist in HP universe? Couldn't Neville long ass cast a spell on himself? "Lookus goodus" or some shit
darichtt@reddit
Have you seen the movies? He totally fucking did that.
das_slash@reddit
Voldemort had a choice of future enemy, and decided he didn't stand a chance against the Gigachad Neville genes and sent his ass against potter instead.
WoolooOfWallStreet@reddit
Voldemort: Okay, in the future I could face this Potter kid who’s dad made my lieutenant cry in school, maybe he could be some trouble. Or maybe I could face this “Longbottom” kid. Lol he already looks like a goober, I wonder what he…
Voldemort: OH FUCK NO! I’m going with the kid that grows up looking like diet John Lennon
Hyperversum@reddit
Bro got hit by puberty harder than a nuke
8-Brit@reddit
Fun fact, in the later films they had to give him fake buck teeth to keep him looking too good.
ZenPyx@reddit
Harry had to use magic to kill him. Neville would have hit him with one glance of blue steel, le tigre, or magnum, and his head would've just exploded.
illfightarobot@reddit
They’re not ugly they’re just British
utkohoc@reddit
"brit-on-us be-gone-us"
(You are now black)
ILookAfterThePigs@reddit
Wizards are a secretive society, they can’t call too much attention to themselves. If they all looked good, they’d stand out too much, considering they’re British.
2FLY2TRY@reddit
What are you talking about, Neville had literally the biggest glow upbiggest glow up over the course of the movies.
AntiProtonBoy@reddit
Because it would be boring as shit.
silmarp@reddit
Using a simple method to solve a problem outshines using a complicated one for the same end.
National_Passage4317@reddit
Be me, chosen one.
Feelsgoodman
One day see my rival crying and running into the bathroom.
This triggers my chad predators instincts.
I follow him in and blow a hole in his chest with a spell I learned about yesterday. (Thank you half blood prince Chad)
Earned 12 points for Griffindor for that.
Mesarthim1349@reddit
I forgot when Harry almost straight up murdered blondie in that one.
MikeGianella@reddit
That scene actually goes hard. He uses an experimental spell he learned yesterday and its a fucking stabbing spell
unknown_pigeon@reddit
He London specialed his ass
It's like kids messing with each other's food as a prank but little Timmy just grabbed something out of the drawer under the sink it's poured drainage cleaner inside his bully's gatorade
cheese0muncher@reddit
London is nowhere near as dangerous as people say, I've lived in London for 33 years and I've hardly ever been stabbed at all.
BrettDilkington1@reddit
Actually someone gets stabbed in London every 60 seconds…..
He’s not a very likeable man
JayceTheShockBlaster@reddit
A little fresh air on the inside's never killed anyone...
Outrageous_Basis_997@reddit
What do you say about Birmingham then?
unknown_pigeon@reddit
Just for the memes
GuerillaGandhi@reddit
And even then, 'tis but a flesh wound
tuigger@reddit
It's just that one stabbin and you're good mate, innit?
Distantstallion@reddit
It not labelled, why would he use it? It could have been the spell that gave malfoy the byford dolphin treatment
Neither-Phone-7264@reddit
whoops
InquisitorMeow@reddit
More of a slashing spell but yea.
IllitterateAuthor@reddit
Probably why he stuck to the disarming one
lord_bastard_@reddit
Even when we have use of magic wands in the UK we still have to stab each other somehow..
ducktape8856@reddit
"Oi! Ye got a loicence for that wand?"
yomamasokafka@reddit
Most unbelievable part of HP is no scene queuing at the ministry of magic for half a day to get wand licenses. Although now that I think of it the whole “using magic under age” is like a whole huge plot point in book two
Deruji@reddit
Never saw a beans on toast spell.
bendable_girder@reddit
Impossible due to violating Gamp's law of elemental transfiguration
Hunteresc@reddit
Life finds a way.
WhoCouldveSeenThis@reddit
Knife finds a way.
Malu1997@reddit
Why do you think they liked bows so much? You can stab a guy 70m from you with them.
paco-ramon@reddit
Is a UK School, what did he expected?
axck@reddit
I think it was a slashing and cutting spell, Malfoy had slashes and wounds all over his body
FeeblyBee@reddit
oi! Yew got a loicense for dat dere stabin' spell?
thetruemysiak@reddit
Wait which scene ?
shamblam117@reddit
Valid response to almost being tortured
GreatGigInTheSky855@reddit
Valid response to Draco almost killing a girl
StevesHair1212@reddit
Literally the buck shot spell
jacknoyan@reddit
12 Gaugus to the chestus
Icefox119@reddit
Tommy_____Vercetti@reddit
Hogwarts has a huge bullying problems with physical mistreatments etc and Dumbledore basically lets it be a free-for-all, but no stabbie!
ShortTheseNuts@reddit
That's generally the rule in real life too.
bamv9@reddit
As someone who got stabbed in school, I’d say it’s really the bare minimum. No stabbie plz
stillmahboi@reddit
I would hardly call it a huge bullying problem
MrEuphonium@reddit
Have basically everybody wear badges with your face morphing and saying you stink and then tell me how you feel
stillmahboi@reddit
That's just character building.
And it's a bit different because potter is chosen boy who was doing the whole triwizard tournament. Malfoy isn't going out of his way to bully Neville for example
StormOfFatRichards@reddit
Mr. Potter...sectumscrotum
TheFrenchSavage@reddit
I cast: testicular torsion.
DoughNotDoit@reddit
ngl, we'll do the same
TudorG22@reddit
loled
Mycotoxicjoy@reddit
I do not fear the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks 1 time but I fear the man who has practiced 1 kick 10,000 times -Bruce Lee
mischievous_shota@reddit
Accio kick!
Rex__Lapis@reddit
I always found it so weird that Henry basically only knows one spell. And a very lame one at that.
internetlad@reddit
It's like squid game where the likable characters are only allowed to kill in defense and still somehow outlive 98% of their opponents in a game where you are specifically supposed to die last
eazy_12@reddit
And he suffered a lot from from it. If Harry wasn't a little bitch and let kill Peter in 3rd book all bad stuff wouldn't happen: villain would not resurrect, he would live with his godfather (or at least hang out with him since he can't leave aunt's house before 17th BD) and many deaths would not happen.
mischievous_shota@reddit
He's made many mistakes but his decision there really wasn't one. He wanted to take Peter into custody so he would confess the truth to the authorities to free Sirius. He wasn't being spared since the natural follow up would be to give him the dementor's kiss. Lupin was the one who fucked up not realising he didn't take a brew that he needed monthly to stop transforming into a fucking werewolf.
AzzlackGuhnter@reddit
Did you notice how he never used magic in the first movie?
Quite odd for a wizard isn't it?
MixaLv@reddit
"Ackshually he casts way more spells in the books, you'd know if you read the books, haven't you read the books, you should read the books"
- Probably an average Potterhead
unknown_pigeon@reddit
DezXerneas@reddit
Not true, he also knows the 'fucking mutilate your enemy and make them bleed to death' spell too. He likes that spell so much that he even names his firstborn after the spell's creator.
bendable_girder@reddit
Secondborn but yes
DezXerneas@reddit
Oh right, the firstborn was named after his dad and the family ~~dog~~wolf.
techshotpun@reddit
The family furry*
98VoteForPedro@reddit
What did jk Rowling mean by this
Everestkid@reddit
> author literally writes the sentences "the time for disarming is past! at least stun if you don't want to kill" at the start of the seventh book
> has him keep using the disarming spell and not the stunning or killing one anyway
HotDogGrass2@reddit
And he learns in year 2
NotNonbisco@reddit
Accio pizzle
xRamenator@reddit
Something something I fear not the person who's practiced a million different kicks, I fear the person who's practiced a single kick a million times, whatever that martial arts guy said.
johnson_alleycat@reddit
arbiter12@reddit
emives1@reddit
If that is original you got a fucking gift, because that is absolutely fucking hilarious.
arbiter12@reddit
I always wanted to write when i retire. Let's just hope it's not harry potter fanfiction that becomes "50 points of Grey"...
mischievous_shota@reddit
Money is money. Pop off on that HP porn fiction.
AnthonyCumsock1@reddit
Deucalion666@reddit
No, Ron had a new wand since his hand-me-down one broke in Chamber of Secrets. That’s why Lockhart erased his own memory using Ron’s wand.
TellemTrav@reddit
PedDeT00@reddit
SmaugRancor@reddit
angelis0236@reddit
CrispyJelly@reddit
fDID YOU JUST FUCKING KILL OUR DRAGON YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT?! THIS DRAGON WAS WORTH MORE THAN ALL OF THE STUDENTS COMBINED YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER!" Dumbledore whispered in his faintest voice only shattering some eardrums and causing hardly any internal bleeding among the students.
No-Atmosphere3208@reddit
LMAO
SnoopyMcDogged@reddit
Oreo threesome
Kek
xain1112@reddit
image
dovedrunk@reddit
Why they always take so long to score in Quidditch bro like “accio ball” done
dummypod@reddit
It's a fucking sound strategy though. What 14 year old kid fights a dragon.
DezXerneas@reddit
Have you read any ya fantasy novel ever? Apparently, it's an extremely common occurrence.
Deruji@reddit
You’ll be fighting me dragon. My balls on your face
Flimsy-Jello5534@reddit
Be me, chosen one
Just been saved by force ghosts
Standing next to dead body of Cedric Diggory.
See his qt gf Cho Chang crying in the crowd.
Think to myself “I’m totally going to plough that chick”
SukunaShadow@reddit
“But not marry. I’m saving myself for a real virgin (ginger haired best friends ginger little sister who he knows no one touched cause ginger and poor)”
Flimsy-Jello5534@reddit
“But not marry her. I’m going to take down my best friends sister”
Unusual-Form9920@reddit
"You know what would be funny?
Clap my best friend younger sister"
HighlightSerious3348@reddit
Ginny canonically had like three boyfriends, mostly older boys
No-Atmosphere3208@reddit
They were probably poor gingers too, so it didn't count
SwynFlu@reddit
Ginny got blacked at one point. Harry aint the chad he thought he was
Sea-Factor-2992@reddit
Smh, she dumped his ass as soon as Chad Harry was available. Certainly didn't live up to the hype it seems. His tiny little liquorice wand barely got by the curtain flaps. Don't you know only Chad Harry has a big boabie.
minty-moose@reddit
💀
Deruji@reddit
Did he gape her? Accio gape!
Dracorex13@reddit
The one one I know off the top of my head is Dean Thomas. I don't know if he's poor, but given he's a black Muggleborn in the 90s it's a fair assumption.
TrungusMcTungus@reddit
The 1990s, not the 1690s. Just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s poor.
SukunaShadow@reddit
Chad Harry doesn’t care cause she only used her mouth so it doesn’t count. Still “virgin”
arbiter12@reddit
You'd think it was only on their wedding night, but it's literally every time.... Sometimes, Ron hears his sister getting deflowered 3-4 times a night, when they come to visit the Burrow...
Ginny is a ginger. It works.
eazy_12@reddit
Also a woman so should work
seb1301@reddit
Fukken LOLd
RedditHatesFreedoms@reddit
Too bad Ginny already got BLACKED
InquisitorMeow@reddit
"You see uh, Voldemort returned! And he killed my love interest's boyfriend!"
Flimsy-Jello5534@reddit
“All the contestants got hit with imperio in the maze and the girl I’m tryna smash’s boyfriend died…. It was definitely Voldemort who did it…. And I’m the only witness”
WaifuHunterActual@reddit
Tbh based
MikeGianella@reddit
LMAO I actually had forgotten that
RaidenHUN@reddit
I still don't get what makes someone strong in Harry Potter.... By the logic Hermione should have been the Top1 OP and Harry a lvl1 gooner
ThirstyWolfSpider@reddit
The picture does make him look like someone who would demand a potion-seller's strongest potions.
ShigeruAoyama@reddit
I understood that reference
Wicks-Cherrycoke@reddit
Be me, peak in high school
Athletic superstar
Marry my high school girlfriend
Become a cop
AzzlackGuhnter@reddit
He somehow became a sub-urban american lmao
Dd_8630@reddit
Anon didn't read the books or even watch the movies. The patronus spell is probably the most famous one he did you berk
InquisitorMeow@reddit
Yea and every other student he taught was able to do it within a single Dumbledores Army session though.
eazy_12@reddit
I believe not with one session though. And there is a big difference between full-blown Patronus having form and some bright cloud of fart.
InquisitorMeow@reddit
It's been a while since I read it but if memory serves they get it within the same lesson and even comment on the shapes of some of their Patronuses (I think Hermione has an otter?)
eazy_12@reddit
I've checked the book (middle of 27th "THE CENTAUR AND THE SNEAK" chapter) and if I read correctly it implies that they learned it in course of more than one lesson. For example, Cho says:
I guess "during their last lesson before Easter" kind of implies that they did for some time. Then another girls says:
I don't think you would say "still can do it" on first lesson. But I guess it depends on how you read it (I am not native speaker), maybe I am just trying to see proof for my words rather than what written.
The_Elusive_Dr_Wu@reddit
The take remains somewhat accurate. Harry is somewhat magically competent in theory and in controlled circumstances, but he's shit in the field.
He casts the Patronus at thirteen yes, but under extreme duress to save Sirius' life.
In the field he rarely relies on anything other than Expelliarmus and Stupefy. I think once in the 5th book he also uses the spell that makes the body go rigid (the same one they use on Neville in the 1st book).
The Death Eaters would've wiped the floor with the kid if it weren't for love-plot-armor, Voldemort actively telling them not to kill him, and the deus ex nonsense of their wands sharing cores.
98VoteForPedro@reddit
Look at this nerd reading
Y_D_9274@reddit
windchanter1992@reddit
How thick should we make his plot armor?
pritheemakeway@reddit
Harry is a remarkably mediocre wizard who somehow wins his fights. Never made sense to me
SteveMemeChamp@reddit
remarkably mediocre? he was the first third-year student to caste a patronus, which was extremely advanced magic and his defence against dark arts grade was always the highest grade
Black_woolly@reddit
🤓
ashu2512@reddit
Presents actual evidence that debunks an uninformed claim
Swiftly deflected by 🤓
minty-moose@reddit
reddit classic
Cumdumbstar@reddit
🤓
AnalTyrant@reddit
You're not wrong, but he did only learn that in one-on-one training from a teacher who was also close friends with his dad. That's some extreme special treatment to get him to do this one difficult thing almost kind of okay.
Harry is kind of a shit student across the board, even with stuff he's sort of good at, he seems to not even bother trying to learn anything more than the bare required minimum. The vast majority of his success is luck, and/or having capable friends (which is also kinda lucky.)
SteveMemeChamp@reddit
yeah he's supposed to be extremely good based on his grade but due to poor writing, couldn't be shown by J.K.Rowling how better he actually was
Nimbus20000620@reddit
Jk Rowling initially intended to make him OPish imo. He has that feat, learns a bunch of spells in quick succession for the triwizard cup and some of his charms impress even flitwick etc.
As the story progressed to a YA series, she ultimately decided that harry’s character would be what allows him to overcome insurmountable odds, not his magical ability. So he progressively becomes more average.
tauhou_@reddit
By defense against dark arts you mean occasionally using a disarming spell and a basic shield spell, otherwise being constantly saved by circumstances or older wizards
Snekbites@reddit
I mean, the thing about Harry, is that he makes up for it by having massive diamond balls.
The boy at 14, surrounded by terrorist and satan, and he just decided FUCK YOU, and that saved him.
The_Elusive_Dr_Wu@reddit
Dude was also poised to be an absolute gigachad of the Wizarding World if he hadn't spent the first eleven years of his life getting his shit kicked in mentally and physically.
Obnoxiously wealthy, good looking, star Seeker of the school, magically competent, and world famous as the Boy Who Lived.
The Dursleys really did him dirty.
Throwaway-fruit-4445@reddit
“My super power is mommy”
TeddyBearToons@reddit
Writing aside, it actually kind of goes hard that Voldemort spends like four books specifically finding ways to remove the mommy plot armor. Even then he never fully gets rid of it until Harry hits 17, which is kind of sad. A "training wheels are off, you're on your own" phase would've been cool.
Fyrefanboy@reddit
Fun fact, Harry doesn't throw a single spell in the first movie
kryotheory@reddit
Everything Harry "achieved" was due to either nepo privilege, letting others do the work for him, or dumb luck. If he wasn't hard carried by all three of those things, he would have died in book one, even if we allow him to still be "the boy who failed to be murdered".
TrueGootsBerzook@reddit
Work smart, not hard
Matro36@reddit
Work smarter not farter
Mingsical@reddit
Work not, fart smart.
ISV_VentureStar@reddit
Work work.
qervem@reddit
Swobu?
LewisDeinarcho@reddit
I appreciate how the chad filter affects the face of the side character in the back.
Clemen11@reddit
It is an astute observation you present. Something to be appreciated indeed
Fouxs@reddit
Man some harry potter fans should really read the books or watch the movies sometime lol.
He has been mentioned more than once to be very proficient with spells. Heck, he learns all the advanced spells he came across incredibly quickly. He can blast entire waves of dementors with patronum, and only needed to cast septumsempra once after reading about it.
It's just that everything he learns will either kill whoever he is up against or will blow up the entire room.
He has no choice being the hero to only use expelliarmos and accio pretty much.
What did come waay too late was the half prince's book. Potions would've made a nice arsenal to complement the fact he only uses expelliarmus, but then it would've taken away from Hermione I guess.
eazy_12@reddit
He had issues with some spells like Accio so Hermione had to train him. He typically was bad with transforming spells and always did it worse than Hermione.
In reality he had bored archetype which burn bright when he interested but super mediocre otherwise. Also such students often perform very well with good teachers like he did in 3rd book.
Pope_Aesthetic@reddit
☝️🤓
peppermintmeow@reddit
WintersbaneGDX@reddit
FearFritters@reddit
Also concerning they let 12 year olds run around with broken wands, even joking about it (Snape at the Dueling Club). I think all the staff just hate gingers.
untakenu@reddit
It's like teaching a child how to spell, but his pen only writes racial slurs.
It was hell for me going through that.
et_cetera1@reddit
Reasonable sentiment tbh
krasnogvardiech@reddit
I don't fear the man who has practiced ten thousand kicks. I fear the man who has practiced one kick ten thousand times.
MarshallTom@reddit
I mean, "I won" harry potter isnt exactly a chad or going around saying i won lol
ShortTheseNuts@reddit
He said that he won in both the books and the movies after the final fight. And he's not a chad? He's a billionaire ultra famous rockstar who killed wizard-Hitler and is captain of the sportsball team. There has never been a more chaddy chad in the history of chads.
Flashlight_Inspector@reddit
And yet he's depicted as such a whiny loser that Neville is considered a bigger one. Aura farming is king
ZenPyx@reddit
Married his highschool girlfriend/best friend's sister and became chief of the wizard cops too
cool_dad86@reddit
Wizard cops/secret service/fbi/army all in one lmao
BadArtijoke@reddit
I bet harry behaves like that flying lotus copypasta when he gets older though.
MysteriousApparition@reddit
“Well Harry, you’ve been persecuted by the wizard government for the past 4 years and seen how they oppress other races and give into corruption. What are you going to do to fix this?”
“I’m gonna become a cop mate, blimey. EXPELIOMUS!”
OXBDNE7331@reddit
Be on train to school Chocolate snack cart rolls up Take the lot
Spiritual_Ask4877@reddit
What a greedy cunt. Dude finds out he's got enough goblin gold to make the Saudi royal family blush and he immediately starts acting like a wanker
No_Economics_2677@reddit
Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Here's why:
Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead.
Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it.
Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.
And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?
Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.
Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.
I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:
"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."
And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Omega_brownie@reddit
Be ginger wizard
Pretty good at chess
Have to win a game of chess to defeat voldy
Ride the knight for some reason
Refuse to get off the statue while I sac myself
Opposing pieces completely misses me, act dramatic anyway
QT nurses me back to health while me mate nearly dies on his own
Nuffink personal innit?
mayhem1703@reddit
The absolute Chad energy of learning one spell and calling it a day. Harry really said quality over quantity and somehow made it work
GiftOld2655@reddit
why would he learn the spells of hate when he can win with the spells of love