how can i report a wellbeing concern of a child?
Posted by Capricorn222@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 42 comments
hiya, i’ve witnessed multiple times a woman at the bus stop and on the bus being absolutely awful to her daughter.
context: the daughter looks to be around 7-8 ish, i’d say year 2 or 3 in school. as i’ve grown up in this area i recognise her uniform for what school she is at and the mum has mentioned the child’s first name. they don’t usually get the same bus as me but occasionally when i’ve has to do earlier shifts i’ve ended up on their usual bus.
every time i end up on the same bus or at the same bus stop as them, the mother is berating this poor child. today, she has called her stupid (said she looks stupid, talks stupid, acts stupid and just all round us stupid). and she has threatened to throw away all her daughter’s stuff while she is at school just because she said the word ‘bro’. she has made this little girl cry every single time i’ve seen her. and it’s not just parenting or discipline. this woman is straight up mean to this child for no reason.
she has mentioned concerning things regarding hot showers. she shouted at her daughter for having greasy hair, to which the girl admitted she had had a bath but not a shower. the mum yelled at her, to which the girl said she was scared of showers because the water was too hot and it hurt her. the mum said she didn’t care and now she could go to school and get bullied for greasy hair as punishment. this is a massive alarm bell to me.
i’m genuinely concerned for this child, she is subdued and keeps trying to connect to her and make light conversation with her mother just to be yelled at or insulted. there are multiple instances like this that i’m not going to list.
is this something i should report to the school or is there somewhere else? could someone please point me in the right direction? thank you
GizBean21@reddit
This has really made me sad reading this, I actually feel like I could cry for that poor girl. I hate to think of children in situations like this.
MysticSomething@reddit
I’ve done this before, about a girl in my daughter’s class so luckily I knew her name. I called the girl and gave them the child’s name and class, and told them my concerns. The safeguarding lead called me back and thanked me for letting them know.
As others have said, if you recognise the uniform then give the school a call and a description of the child should be sufficient for them to track down the child in question. Please consider doing this, you remain anonymous and that child is probably hoping someone will intervene on her behalf 💔
terryjuicelawson@reddit
To the school as others have said, they will be able to identify the child hopefully. Even if nothing comes of it, you've tried. Social services won't know where to start I guess. I'd be tempted to just say to her "do you have to be quite so mean to her?" and even ask the child if they are OK. Risk getting verbal abuse back but maybe it will make them think.
Grand_Measurement_91@reddit
Thank you for caring about this little girl
5W4Y@reddit
100% report it, I was one of those kids with a mum like this and I wish someone had said something or done something. There’s usually a lot more going on behind closed doors.
SignificantBoss8445@reddit
Same xx
shinydoctor@reddit
I was reading this thinking "god I wish someone had stuck up for me or enquired after me like this", so same. I hope you are healing now.
mang0_milkshake@reddit
Same here, I was going to comment the same thing. I would've given anything for someone to see it this way and step in to help me. That poor girl NEEDS support and intervention. If her mother is comfortable treating her like that in public, what goes on behind closed doors is much worse.
Slothjitzu@reddit
Absolutely. Whatever someone is willing to do in public, they're almost certainly willing to do worse in private.
strawberry670@reddit
Please report it to the school, to social services and anyone you can.
I so wish that a random stranger saved me from years of physical and mental abuse as a child.
Electrical-Fig-3206@reddit
The problem is. The mother will be most likely charming and deny it and the daughter will be scared to go against her mother. No doubt she’s threatened her with social services. Living with a new family. Being a lone and abandoned to keep her quiet. So it’s likely she will be terrified to tell anyone in authority and feel also that she deserves it. The mothers sounds depressed and depression can manifest itself in ugly distorted behavior. Not just sadness. This isn’t often talked about. So treat carefully. If you can. Asked a therapist or counselor first about the best steps to help the little girl as sometimes the role of pastoral care and social worker is taken by those who go in with two left feet. And other times you get complete angels. There is one chance to do this really so handle it with kid gloves. Maybe to talk to the NSPCC first for advice do that it’s not going to go underground and no one will witness this again as it will only happen in the home. You are so caring. Many of us have been in that little girls shoes to varying degrees
PatTheCatMcDonald@reddit
I would just take out my phone and start filming.
And respond 'no comment' to any enquiries.
And be fully prepared to be assaulted to gain control of evidence of child abuse.
SaltPomegranate4@reddit
This is not good advice.
PatTheCatMcDonald@reddit
Then come up with something more effective and less confrontational, rather than just saying "meh, not good enough".
You're either part of the problem or part of the solution on this one, chum.
iwanttobeacavediver@reddit
Disagree on filming. The person could react violently and put the person filming in danger, and possibly also retaliate against the victim, in this case a child, because it 'makes them look bad'.
PatTheCatMcDonald@reddit
You think the child isn't getting hit now? I see plenty of evidence that they are being treated with contempt.
Besides which, most busses have CCTV on them already, the problem is the quality they record at might not be good enough to identify the victim or the perpetrator.
Aggravating_Speed665@reddit
I see scumbag parents like this alot
Fuzzy_Reindeer_2770@reddit
You are right to be concerned.
If this is what is being shown in public, I dread to think about what is going on in private. You're not "trouble making", we've all got a responsibility to protect children, so please report it. How would you feel if you saw the kid on the news one day, badly hurt or worse? The school's safeguarding lead is the place to report, then they can escalate it. They more than likely know something is going on. You could be the reason for it to go further - and rightly so.
As a child who went through similar, I can say that I wish someone had stepped in for me. I still carry the shit that was heaped on to me as a child.
I wish more people would risk offending these "parents", then we wouldn't have half the cases of CA we see in the news.
Capricorn222@reddit (OP)
this is exactly what i’ve been thinking. if this is how she treats her child in public then i dread to think what goes on behind closed doors
PetersMapProject@reddit
Report it to the school. I did it once; I never heard the outcome, and rightly so because it was none of my business, but I hope he's ok.
As there may be quite a few children matching a description, it may be helpful to take a discreet photo of the pair for the avoidance of confusion. It's completely legal to take photos in public places, including where there's children.
JakeGrey@reddit
I would go one further, and suggest that OP try to get some video footage. That way the school safeguarding team would have concrete evidence rather than having to coax the victim (who will be rightly scared of retaliation if this gets back to her mum without substantive action being taken) into talking about it.
tobotic@reddit
OP knows the child's first name. Most primary schools have one or two classes per year group, so around 30 to 60 kids. So if the child is in year 2 or year 3, that's at most around 120 kids that need to be considered. There will be a handful that share common first names, but most won't. And for those that do have a common first name, a brief physical description should be enough.
(Plus the school might already have an idea of which kids they're worried about, so might immediately know which Sophia you're talking about.)
Not saying a photo couldn't be helpful, but it's unlikely to be necessary, and if OP only sees this child occasionally, the delay in obtaining the photo is probably undesirable.
Asayyadina@reddit
The contact detailed for the DSL (Designated Safeguarding Lead) of the school will be on their website.
With their first name and a visual description of the girl and her mother they will absolutely be able to work out who it is.
You will absolutely be doing the right thing and for all you know this could the final piece of evidence needed for the school to be able to report this and for the authorities to take action.
HoraceorDoris@reddit
If it’s happening daily in the same place, a bit of video evidence would be good. The school/social services/whoever could witness it first hand if it is happening as frequently as you say
Bitter-Crazy4119@reddit
Oh god how awful, that poor kid. Thank you for caring - many would feel sorry for her but do nothing. As others have said def a safeguarding referral to her school.
rox-and-soxs@reddit
Report to NSPCC. I did this when I heard some things and saved the family from domestic abuse (the case ended up in the press, I didn’t receive any formal outcome details and neither did I expect to)
Naive-Interaction567@reddit
I’m a children’s social worker. Report it to school and to your local social services. If you know the name and the school that’s enough info. Most likely they will already known to social services.
Unlikely_Doughnut845@reddit
Please report this OP and let us know what the outcome was, if possible. That poor little girl.
StereotypicallBarbie@reddit
Go into the school and contact them with descriptions and the first name of the child. The school should be required to act upon it.
I always wonder what people who treat like this in public.. do in private! If you see something.. say something!
MrsMaplebeck@reddit
Contact the NSPCC, they (sadly) deal with this kind of thing every single day.
Silver-Appointment77@reddit
Report it to the school. They'll know who she is just with her name and discrption. And tell them whats going on. If it is a safeguarding issue they can get the ball rolling.
SaltPomegranate4@reddit
I often think Reddit is very quick to jump to the extreme (he’s a narcissist, you should leave him, report to the police for some minor neighbour disagreement).
This is very clearly emotional abuse and you absolutely should report this to the school and don’t spare any details. You could in fact, also report this to social services and say you’ve reported this to the school.
Poor kid. And I’m very sorry youve had to witness this. It’s distressing.
sspell@reddit
I reported something like this once to the child’s school. They asked me to report it officially to the local authority. I reported it via the NSPCC who sent a social worker out to talk to me, family was known to them already.
ProudZombie5062@reddit
I went through something similar with a neighbour recently. For what it’s worth crimestoppers did nothing but an email to the NSPCC resulted in a police visit the same day to check on the welfare of the child. I would recommend emailing them with the info you have put here and they can forward it on to the relevant people. They can also keep you anonymous too
Peachy-SheRa@reddit
Please contact the school, or better still social services. It’s all our responsibility to safeguard children, so thank you for your concern. Too many times people just look away.
ToffeePoppet@reddit
Yes contact the school. They should have a safeguarding lead. You’ll probably speak to the receptionist first. Tell them you have serious concerns about the welfare of a child ask to speak to the head or who ever is responsible for safeguarding.
puddleprincess@reddit
If you know the school, contact them and ask to speak to their DSL. It’s so helpful to have information like this as the school may also have concerns, so it all helps build a picture for social services.
InnocentaMN@reddit
This is good advice; it’s also worth knowing that even if OP can’t speak to the DSL, they can speak to someone else at the school too. Making a safeguarding report to school is the first step and whoever takes that report will have had training to pass it up the chain to the DSL.
EllieW47@reddit
The school will have someone in the role of safeguarding lead (with at least one deputy). If you contact the school and ask to speak to them they should treat it as a priority (but may need to get back to you if they are teaching).
Valuable-Wallaby-167@reddit
Definitely report to the school. You've got enough info that they should be able to work out who she is. I imagine she'll be a kid they already have concerns about but often schools don't have enough information to report much. Child protection is often about building a picture out of little bits of evidence here and there rather than being told a big disclosure, so adding to that picture is genuinely useful.
courtneyg1ngersn8760@reddit
Report it to the school and social services. The child's safety is the priority.
AutoModerator@reddit
Please help keep AskUK welcoming!
When repling to submission/post please make genuine efforts to answer the question given. Please no jokes, judgements, etc.
Don't be a dick to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on.
This is a strictly no-politics subreddit!
Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.