Half Past a Monkey's Ass [finish the sentence]

“My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We have tortured every teacher we have broken every rule We have thrown our principal in the neighbor’s swimming pool Our troops keep marching on

Glory glory hallelujah Teacher hit me with a ruler Standing behind the door with a loaded 44 That teacher won’t teach no more”

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DueZookeepergame3565@reddit

Our version was

“My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We have tortured every teacher we have broken every rule We have fought so many battles to the burning of the School! Our school is burning down!!! (Cha-cha-cha!)

We also had

"Joy to the world! The teacher's dead! We barbecued her head! What happened to the bo-ody? We flushed it down the po-otty! And all the children sing And all the children sing And a-all and a-a-all the chil-dren sing!"

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DonAmechesBonerToe@reddit

Did you have:

“So? So suck my toe. All the way to Mexico. You go first, I’ll go last. I’ll still be there to kick your ass!”

Man we were stupid.

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DueZookeepergame3565@reddit

So? So suck my toe, all the way to Mexico. While you're there, wash your hair and change your dirty underwear.

And yet, my kids grew up with a list of "potty words" that included "stupid" and "dumb". That's what I get for marrying a xennial.

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Random0s2oh@reddit

Yeah...probably not a good one to teach your kids these days.

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Individual_Track_865@reddit

I was in the Pacific Northwest and somehow had the weirder version of: I shot my poor teacher with a man-eating slug

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weezntobreathe@reddit

Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts……

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Original_Study3415@reddit

Chopped up monkey meat…

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Random0s2oh@reddit

Perforated birdy feet...

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teachthisdognewtrick@reddit

Chopped up baby parakeet

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No_Neighborhood_632@reddit

French-fried eyeballs rollin' in the dirty street...

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weezntobreathe@reddit

Mutilated monkeys meat! Running down a bloody street, and I forgot my spoon!

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AnybodyCanyon@reddit

I guess I’ll use a straaaaaaaaawwwwww

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Peters_Wife@reddit

Marmalade and monkey's feet....french fried eye balls dipped in a bowl of blood....

that's what little boys are maaaade of. Yep.

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teachthisdognewtrick@reddit

Wasn’t there a green in there somewhere?

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EachDayIsDayOne@reddit

Marinated monkey meat, French fried parakeet. Luke warm vomit rolling down the avenue.

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Moratorium - This post has been removed due to the temporary moratorium on its content. See the Moderator Announcement stickied to the top of the sub for more information.

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Random0s2oh@reddit

My personal favorite from my dad:

Here's to Mag the whorey hag

That slippery, slimey slut.

Green moss grows between her toes

And maggots fall from her butt.

Before I'd crawl between those thighs

Or suck those festered tits

I'd drink a gallon of buzzards piss

And die of the drizzling shits.

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icanhazkarma17@reddit

Wow.

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PuzzleFly76@reddit

Pretty sure I had a bike like the blue one on the right. I think they sold them at Sears.

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NightBoater1984@reddit

My Orange Crate had a front suspension spring and rear shocks... just saying... 😂

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andrewkingswood@reddit

I’m in this picture. Not literally, but damn near.

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icanhazkarma17@reddit

Up your nose with a rubber hose.

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TheWriteStuff1966@reddit

"You have updock all over your back!"

"What's updock?!?!"

"I don't know. Ask Bugs Bunny."

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Paprika420@reddit

According to your Mom

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Medium-Mission5072@reddit

Deck the halls with gasoline, fa lalala la la lala, light a match and watch it gleam, fala lalala, la la lala. Watch the school burn down to ashes falala lalala la la la, arn't you glad you played with matches, fala lalala la la lala, make your parents pay the taxes fala la lala, la laaaaaaaa

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Talon329@reddit

I was always taught “according to his balls”

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TheWriteStuff1966@reddit

I remember vigorous debates about this exact topic among the crew.

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caught-n-candie@reddit

What’s grosser then gross???

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TheWriteStuff1966@reddit

Jumping off a 20-story building and catching your eyelid on a nail. We actually said that around my neighborhood for some strange reason.

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DueZookeepergame3565@reddit

Eating a bowl of Cheerios when your brother complains he lost his scab collection?

Sliding down a razorblade into a pool of alcohol?

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ChiliSama@reddit

Chopped up baby parakeet

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cmparkerson@reddit

I had a bike that looked like that,but it was white and red. I think I got it in 77

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nadiaco@reddit

I have never heard this phrase

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OldBanjoFrog@reddit

It’s up your butt and around the corner

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C43CE@reddit

To hot dog avenue.

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otherguy---@reddit

Up your ass and to the left.

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weezntobreathe@reddit

Milk, milk, and lemonade, round the corner fudge is made. 🤣

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MrXero@reddit

What about the Honey Honey?!

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OldSlug@reddit

I was watching “Confess, Fletch” with my (adult) kid, and totally lost it at the scene where a cop tells him they have video from a store “around the corner” and he responds, “Where fudge is made?”

After I composed myself I tried to explain it but she thought I was nuts.

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jbellafi@reddit

Karen Walker did this on Will & Grace in an episode once & I almost choked from laughing so hard. I couldn’t believe it! 😂😂

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divergurl1999@reddit

Take my upvote. I saw that episode too! Hilarious!!

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Fermi_DOX75@reddit (OP)

that's a great one. I taught that to my son when he was in grade school. I don't think my wife has forgiven me to this day

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poss-um@reddit

Chinese Japanese Dirty knees Lookat these!

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BlueHeelerLuv@reddit

Quarter till his balls, 55 minutes til he’s fucked!

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Fermi_DOX75@reddit (OP)

For real? you guys said that as kids? too funny!

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HandleAccomplished11@reddit

If you were a kid in the 50's. My dad said this all the time, and we would look at him and ask, "huh?"

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Fermi_DOX75@reddit (OP)

Can't argue. We must have got it from somewhere.

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HandleAccomplished11@reddit

So, you agree that it's not really Gen-X.

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weezntobreathe@reddit

Quarter to his balls.

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Cranks_No_Start@reddit

his balls.

Speaking of…the kid on the far left has the ball smasher deluxe shifter. Ooh the painful memories.

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biscaya@reddit

lift up his leg and see niagara falls.

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RobbieBlackmore@reddit

This is correct

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weezntobreathe@reddit

Old McDonald sitting on a fence, beating his meat with a monkey wrench……

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ser521@reddit

...missed his meat and hit his balls, pissed all over his overalls.

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pmac109@reddit

Went down to the creek to wash his feet, and saw a bullfrog beating his meat. Picked up a rock, hit him in the ass. You never saw a bullfrog beat that fast

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evilJaze@reddit

I can only remember maybe one or two verses of the diarrhea song.

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Thomaswebster4321@reddit

Many people think it’s funny but it’s really wet and runny

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Peters_Wife@reddit

"No strain no pain just sit and let it drain...."

Everyone had a different version of the "diarrhea" part. We said "Diarrhea cha-cha-cha".

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Thomaswebster4321@reddit

We did the raspberry sound!

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MedievalHag@reddit

We said hit and runny. lol

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Thomaswebster4321@reddit

Ewwww!!!

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Lakelover25@reddit

When you’re climbing up a ladder & you hear a sudden splatter

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Lakelover25@reddit

When you’re swimming in the pool and you feel something cool

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Fermi_DOX75@reddit (OP)

when you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam.

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Kim-oh-no@reddit

🥁Anyone Marching Band? left…left… left…right left My back is breaking My pants too tight My Balls/Boobs shaking from left to right -recite while marching in formation

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Adept-Concussion@reddit

(Looks at watchless wrist) A hair past a freckle

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TheresAFogUponALake@reddit

That's the one I was thinking of...

Now I say time to get a watch 😉

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Smokinlizardbreath@reddit

Hair past a pimple, and just to add to the fun ...pick your nose, pick your bum, now you have some bubble gum!

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Disastrous_Street_20@reddit

Shuts don’t go up but prices do. So take my advice and shut up too.

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EverrreyDayisGahood@reddit

McDonald’s is coming to me . It’s your kind of place they feed you rattle snakes French fries between your toes . Hmm 🤔 Long term memory coming in now . 🤣

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pmac109@reddit

I just spit my water all over the room. I had 100% completely forgotten that!

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DueZookeepergame3565@reddit

Wanna fight? Stick your head up your butt and fight for air!

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EverrreyDayisGahood@reddit

All Shoes in a circle ⭕️ to see who is IT for Tag . Engine Engine number nine going down Chicago Line if the Train goes off the track do you want your money back ? Yes no or maybe So.

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Fermi_DOX75@reddit (OP)

That a good one. Let's not talk about enny meeny miny moe though ok?

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EverrreyDayisGahood@reddit

😂😂😂

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Bosswashington@reddit

I always heard it as “Half past a cow’s ass..” which doesn’t make any sense, because cows obviously don’t have balls, nor a quarter to them. On the other hand, if you’ve ever seen it, Niagara Falls got nothing on a cow. Should have been a bull. I think my friend group was on a spectrum.

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Thomaswebster4321@reddit

Quarter to his cock

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Fermi_DOX75@reddit (OP)

That escalated lol

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Thomaswebster4321@reddit

I felt a little embarrassed because everybody else was saying balls, but on my school bus, we said cock

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Fermi_DOX75@reddit (OP)

Don't be embarrassed it's hilarious. Must have been a wild bus

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hold--the--line@reddit

Quarter before it's balls.

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davesToyBox@reddit

I’ve never seen this photo before yet each of these guys had a contemporary in my neighborhood

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Significant-Use-5136@reddit

according to his balls

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weezntobreathe@reddit

Mama Mia, Papa Pia, baby got the diarrhea!!!

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kitgrrrl@reddit

We used donkey instead of monkey, oh, and it's a quarter to his balls.

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Aware-Owl4346@reddit

Banana seats need to make a comeback.

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umbathri@reddit

Loved mine in the 80s when it was already falling out of style fast.

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Fermi_DOX75@reddit (OP)

and sissy bars!

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Alternative-Neat-123@reddit

literally just said this to my wife

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SizeOld6084@reddit

Half past a monkeys butt, a quarter to his you know what.

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jesseberdinka@reddit

Guess what? Chicken butt. Turn around and kick it up.

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crewsctrl@reddit

Many things that would get us cancelled if said today, even by people our age.

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Fermi_DOX75@reddit (OP)

Yep. I mentioned the eeny meeny miny moe in another comment. Or what about if someone wants something back that they gave to you? Or what did we call it if someone drank with their lips all over the lid of a bottle? Yikes!

Cancelled for darn good reasons for sure lol

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