ULPT: how to sabotage your enemy’s upcoming wedding?

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Tammy1swanson@reddit

If they have a dog they didn’t bring and someone is watching the dog, send a message to them that their dog got out right before the ceremony. Spam text and say omg it was hit by a car you don’t know what to do etc… my advice is ruin the day by mentally torturing them.

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SeattleTrashPanda@reddit

Show up in a wedding gown. Extra points if you’re a dude who normally doesn’t wear dresses.

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mynameishuman42@reddit

You know that part where the minister says "speak now or forever hold your peace" hire a pregnant chick to stand up and scream "This is what you get for ghosting me motherfucker! You can't run away from your baby even if you did choose this stupid ugly bitch over the mother of your child!"

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togeko@reddit

I think a woman that will just say shes pregnent will do the trick

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mynameishuman42@reddit

Sure... they make pregnant prosthetics. It wouldn't be hard to pull off.

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Emotional_Star_7502@reddit

If you know the vendors or facility, call and cancel.

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randomresearch1971@reddit

🏆 🏆 🏆

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Pretend-Cabinet-4424@reddit

Send funeral wreaths

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Ok_Initial_2063@reddit

Piss discs instead of ice in the punch bowl at the reception.

Post an ad saying you are a certified wedding minister type. Cancel their wedding minister. Have them hire you (in disguised identity, of course) to perform the ceremony. Do the ceremony. They spent ALL the money and stress for a wedding and aren't legally married.

Fuck the wedding party and choose one to take on the honeymoon with you using the tickets you stole from your enemy.

THC wedding cake with Exlax buttercream.

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NastyStreetRat@reddit

If you're willing to spend money, it's easy. Hypothetically, you should know where this friend usually hangs out. Hypothetically, maybe a young lady could try to seduce him in exchange for a few dollars. Hypothetically, if there's someone at that bar or if they go to a hotel later who can take some photos and those photos somehow reach his girlfriend, then you've got a whole setup.

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Anagoth9@reddit

Just remember that the wedding is for two people. If you're going to fuck it up for one, at least make sure the other deserves it too.

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ErikTheDon@reddit (OP)

They do. (Hypothetically, obv)

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3Zkiel@reddit

Pay for someone to stand up and make a scene when the officiant asks "If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace."

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ApprehensiveWin7256@reddit

Do they ever say this anymore? I’ve never heard one say this besides on movies (this combined with quick sand had really made me lose faith in Hollywood 😤)

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acripaul@reddit

Yes, at my serial shagger friends. We all sniggered like the children we are when it was asked.

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coccopuffs606@reddit

How much time do you have?

Because you could go on a phishing trip to figure out the vendor passwords, and cancel all the important shit they won’t immediately notice, like the cake, the makeup artist, and the photographer

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vonhoother@reddit

Don't cancel the cake. Change one of the names on it.

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bumbumboleji@reddit

Ross?

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DaRealBangoSkank@reddit

Hire a dozen party clowns to show up and crash the gate

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BJntheRV@reddit

Hire strippers (of both genders) to crash the reception and perform.

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Koovies@reddit

How much does a clown go for nowadays, that sounds pricey

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HexAndSnacks@reddit

Depends...how many petty friends do you have? 🤔 I'd 100% go full Juggalo for a friend that was wronged.

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Koovies@reddit

I'd prob do this to a friend who is a jugallo and I just realized it'd do the exact opposite of ruining anything for him

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DaRealBangoSkank@reddit

Hard to put a price on vengeance. Honk Honk

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dcidino@reddit

gif

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Mr_BigglesworthIII@reddit

Hand out flyers to the homeless saying free buffet.

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mysteriouscattravel@reddit

Given you have significant time to plan, and it's an outdoor wedding, I have a good plan for you.

Get tons of bird seeds. Go to the location the wedding will be held. Use a whistle or other sound based indicator and pair the sound with the action of throwing bird seed. This needs to be done repeatedly, a few times per day for at least several weeks. This will condition birds to flock to the sound of your whistle.

Then, the big day, you go to the venue, you don't even need to go inside, and blow your whistle! The birds will flock the wedding venue, terrify guests and wedding party, and they may not even know it was you.

It is important that you use the bird seed during the conditioning phase always in the location the wedding party will happen. The birds will be expecting the seed in that area even if you aren't directly there.

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SinCityCane@reddit

Call ICE and tell them there are two undocumented Mexicans getting married there and the woman is pregnant with quadruplets.

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redthump@reddit

Oh, I know this! As an american, I can confidently say.. drone strike!

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FAILNOUGHT@reddit

Hire an actor/actress and make them say some nefarious bullshit bursting through the main gate when the priest asks if anyone opposes. Full on Hollywood style

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GoauldofWar@reddit

Fuck the groom.

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Apotak@reddit

And spread the video?

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fotofreak56@reddit

Impregnate the bride.

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prestigiouspanda6969@reddit

imagine the bride is the enemy

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BildoWarrior@reddit

Have a makeup artist turn you into their fiance and trick them into marrying you instead. Have your accomplices release the fiance right as you are pronounced married. Tear your fake face off, laugh insanely, and scream “I want a divorce!” Then take all of their property in the settlement. Write a bestselling book about it all for further embarrassment.

Then put dog poo under their car door handle.

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prestigiouspanda6969@reddit

lol

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IrresponsibleAuthor@reddit

write "to the fairest" on a golden apple and huck it into the party?

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vonhoother@reddit

Blast it, you beat me to it!

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vonhoother@reddit

You get a golden apple inscribed "For the most beautiful" and toss it in during the reception. The ensuing fight will eventually cause a prolonged war and the destruction of a city.

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Acceptable-Load-623@reddit

Fuck the bride and groom

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Balti_Mo@reddit

Win then lottery and then on then the day of the wedding throw a competing event where you invite only people invited to your enemies wedding and they each get $50,000 cash. And your enemy some piss discs

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jnmtx@reddit

cancel the venue. You may need to verify in writing/email/phone. so you might need to 2-step it: 1. change the number / email on the account to your burner number and fake email (we made this for our new life together!). but give them some money, like $100 on a prepaid card for a deposit, additional favor or something. Then 2. call back from that cell again a few days later with the unfortunate news you are going to need to cancel. confirm using the email.

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flerg_a_blerg@reddit

not something I'd ever do personally but a person could hypothetically buy a burner phone using cash (while wearing a hat, wig and sunglasses to conceal one's identity) then call in a bomb threat to the venue right when the wedding is about to start, and then destroy the phone and the sim card after the call is placed and toss the broken phone in a public trash can somewhere

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