Recent crash is causing my mother to be apprehensive of my training
Posted by DisregardLogan@reddit | flying | View on Reddit | 53 comments
Student pilot in highschool, about halfway through PPL. There was a fatal crash recently near my local airport, and they impacted a road after attempting the impossible turn.
This just so happened to be the road my mother takes to work daily, so she came across the crash aftermath. I talked to her briefly about it, but I can’t really talk about flying incidents with her because it makes her upset, this one in particular made her especially uncomfortable because it was a student and instructor.
She’s been kind of more quiet recently when I’ve talked to her about flying and how I’m progressing, that sort of thing. I’ve tried my best to tell her about the risks and how while I’m not immune to getting into an incident, it’s not as dangerous as she thinks. She’s talked to me a few times on how maybe I should pause my training until I’m older, which I’d rather not do.
My father on the other hand loves me flying and wants me to keep doing it. He flew when he was younger but never got his license, so he wants me doing it. He’s tried talking to her about the same things, too, but she’s not really hearing it.
I don’t really know what to tell her. I understand her viewpoint and that it’s definitely scary to have your kid doing something like flying, but I don’t want to postpone my career because of her fears.
CH1C171@reddit
Moms worry. It wouldn’t matter if you were flying, driving, walking, etc. your mom is going to find something to worry about concerning you. You seem to like flying so keep goi g so long as you can afford it. It is a rather lucrative career eventually.
Icy_Huckleberry_8049@reddit
driving to and from work is 10 times riskier but everyone does it every day without thinking about all the crashes that happen every day.
Ok_Anteater_8639@reddit
What is it with this sub and people asking about their parents opinions?
Vihurah@reddit
welcome to my world
just remember that being PIC means making tough choices, and blocking out the noise from people who probably don't have the whole picture.
you know the risks, you know the plane, and you know your own abilities. Safety of the flight lies with you (and your CFI), and thats not something you can communicate to a worried mother beyond "ill be fine, ive done my due diligence"
keep flying. the more you do it, the more she'll calm down
Footinthecrease@reddit
you're out of Lawrence? I'm out of BVY and am familiar with the accident. I got about 25 text messages that day to make sure it wasn't me. Trust me I know the pressure and have been told I'm stupid to still be flying, as if the accident happening at my airport somehow increases my chances of the same thing happening. Accidents happen. it's something that we accept, but it's something we can't ignore inorder to learn from. it's unfortunately one of the only ways aviation gets safer.
DisregardLogan@reddit (OP)
Wow. People called you stupid over it? That’s insane. Having poor judgment is one thing, but they’re acting like you’re going to be next or something.
Footinthecrease@reddit
Yea, I just laugh and ignore them. People have irrational fears, and things like that accident remind them of them.
I don't argue with those people, there's no point.
BuzzTheTower12@reddit
Parents, especially mothers, tend to worry a lot. Her fears, while a little irrational, are understandable, as she doesn’t want you to get hurt. With that being said, maybe you should have her speak with an instructor at your school, who can explain the training, and procedures that go into making aviation safe. Maybe she could visit the maintenance department, or even go up on an intro flight. Anything that could make her become more acquainted with aviation, and feel more at ease. Definitely don’t give up flying though, if you want to be a pilot. At the end of the day, you have to live your life how you see fit, and choose your own path. You don’t want to be old, and wonder what could be life had you stuck with the training.
GrabtharsHumber@reddit
Recognize that her fears are well founded. In terms of fatalities per participant hour, flying in general aviation airplanes is about as safe as riding motorcycles, and about 36 times more dangerous than driving. But as with many activities, those statistics are primarily driven by its less responsible participants.
Ok_Twist_1687@reddit
“Hush now baby, baby don’t you cry. Momma’s gonna make all your nightmares come true. Momma’s gonna put all her fears into you. Momma’s gonna keep you right here,under her wing. She won’t let you fly , but she might let you sing. Momma’s gonna keep baby cozy and warm. Pink Floyd, The Wall
Status_Climate_6860@reddit
Having the same situation. My mom thinks because Air India crashed, it means I will too. So dumb
Machaltstars@reddit
I'm just gonna say, there is a shocking lack of empathy in most of these comments.
Your mother is absolutely entitled to have and express her emotions and thoughts on this, she even came across the crash site that's going to leave an impact on anyone. Like it or not, flight training and GA flying is more dangerous than driving, it's much more on par with riding a motorcycle, and when something goes wrong in a plane it's much more likely to lead to death than in anything else. She's not making you stop, and you have a supportive father, so maybe acknowledge your mom's feelings, and give her space. You talking about flying to her is probably triggering her fears of you ending up in a crash, especially after what she's experienced. So maybe you and your father need give her space to process what she saw, and don't try to change her mind at the moment, she probably isn't ready for that conversation. She saw the results of a student and instructor crash, and probably the first thing that crossed her mind was "what if this was my kid, they're doing the exact same thing". That's a huge emotion to have, she truly cares about you, and I'm guessing needs time and space to work through that. She's not ready for you to force her into a rational conversation, she needs time to work through that and get some time and space from seeing that. My best advice is to not talk about flying with her, and as long as she lets you continue training, let her tell you when she's ready to hear about your training
reidmrdotcom@reddit
Your take is what I most closely resonate with and was thinking. Most of us will know of or see crashes / deaths. People die at every stage. I saw the aftermath of a crash or two in GA. Once folks get to an airline job with two pilots the risk becomes extremely low. Before that, it's high.
Any pilot can also keep the top causes of deaths in mind and how to avoid them. It's an expensive hobby, and ensuring we keep current, fly in the day VFR, and like we train can all help reduce the risk. There are many articles and such about how to lower risk.
rugger1869@reddit
Statistically, you’re safer now.
One-Association-171@reddit
Was it a fatal accident ?
TobyADev@reddit
Mums always worry. My mum did during my training and does now. She’s terrified of it and will never go flying with me. She also sends me news articles of crashes.. very annoying
Don’t pause your training. Keep going
nolaflygirl@reddit
By all means, do NOT postpone your flying; it's hard enough to get all the ratings, etc. Life happens & you'd be surprised at how quickly unexpected things can occur to keep u from progressing.
So, have u tried asking your instructor to talk w/ her & offer to take her up...just him & her, on a demo flight where she's in the left seat? Or, if there's a female CFI there, ask her if she'd be willing to talk to your mom & take her up. Maybe mom AND dad, where mom is in left seat & dad in back in a 4-seater (C-172, for ex.) If your instructor or a female instructor is a CII, I think that's even better bc they have more experience. Mom should go up w/ the most experienced & patient instructor.
Shortly after I got my PPL, the flight school asked me to give a demo ride to a student's wife who was TERRIFIED of flying. This was detrimental to their marriage bc the guy wanted to take his wife flying once he got his PPL. Even though I was only a PPL, I was VERY proficient, had already passed my CPL written & done my xcountries, the last one which I extended, tacking on a RT leg from W. Palm Beach, FL to the Grand Bahama Island. I was also completing my B.A. & had experience tutoring many students in h.s. & college, so I was quite comfortable as a "teacher".
The guy's wife was around my age -- late 20s - early 30s. I took her out to the flightline, did the whole walkaround/pre-flight check on a C-172, explaining everything to her as though it were a 1st lesson. The only thing I DIDN'T do -- bc I wasn't a CFI -- was to put her in the left seat. I also explained the run-up to her as I did it.
We took off & I flew us to the "practice area" where I did basic maneuvers like turning L/R, climbing, descending, & showed her how these small planes can glide & where we'd land below if the engine quit. NO stalls, of course. Heading back, I explained the pattern & made a perfect landing. Once back at the FBO she said she hadn't been nervous at all & thanked me. Her husband never mentioned any more problems w/ her fear of flying, so I guess everything was OK after that! Good luck re your mom becoming comfortable w/ u flying, & re your own flying progress. Enjoy EVERY minute!
Kermit-de-frog1@reddit
Mothers are going to mother, Whether you’re 15 or 50. In this case she probably isn’t ready for a discovery flight so close to a crash (especially in a small ga aircraft in summer), BUT you can discuss what your mins for flight are (even as a student you should set mins, sometimes just getting thrashed around in the aircraft is NOT learning ), and take her to the field and show her everything you check on a preflight.
Like shark attacks, murder hornets, and motorcycle accidents, it’s easy to become fixated . Especially if it’s the “unknown” . Lending a bit knowledge, heck letting her meet your CFI can go a long way to reducing her fears and apprehension . You will NEVER eliminate it, mothers are worried a bus will hit you anytime you walk outside lol, but you can add something in her mental toolkit to reassure her, that the plane is safe, how make sure the plane is safe, how qualified the meat autopilot is in the bird, and how you aren’t taking unneeded risks ( personal mins).
Honestly, Pop is already on your side , so it’s not like you’re being forced to quit, but take the time to show and explain. I might even show her flight aware for when you’re flying or have completed a flight….. with an explanation of flight awards limitations . Even being able to show her a previous pattern flight and explaining what was happening and what you were doing can go a long way to helping her apprehension .
Kermit-de-frog1@reddit
Designer_Solid4271@reddit
The funny/sad part is people drive by horrific car accidents where many people die and see it in person but not give a second thought to getting back in their car.
An airplane crash somewhere in the world and they will give everyone their opinion that flying isn’t safe.
PullDoNotRotate@reddit
Americans, specifically, tend to have no other meaningful transportation choices, so they shrug at car-related transportation violence.
Designer_Solid4271@reddit
Especially in areas where small GA makes way more sense. :)
N70968@reddit
This.
keenly_disinterested@reddit
Consider having your instructor provide her the same lessons he gave you (or should have given you) regarding risk management and aeronautical decision making. There is risk in everything we do, but in almost no other areas will you spend as much time and effort defining, evaluating, and mitigating risk as you will (or should) in general aviation.
DingleBurg2021@reddit
You can't live your life based on how other people feel about your decisions.
My dad did crop dusting when I was young. I was an airplane freak. I wanted nothing more than to fly. He got into a wreck and died when I was 12.
I instead went and did IT Administration because "what would mom think if I did what killed my dad."
20 some years later; I'm working for a paycheck, I hate my job, I hate my life.
I told my Mom what I was going to do. I sold everything. I lived in a trailer for a couple years. Now I enjoy what I do. I wake up every morning excited to work. In fact I don't work. I "play" and as a side benefit I acquire currency.
She's proud of me now. She's seen the spark come back in my eye.
Lanky_Beyond725@reddit
But what did you do? You went to crop dusting?
DingleBurg2021@reddit
Yes sir!
Ashamed-Charge5309@reddit
Neat. you do what your dad did now?
DingleBurg2021@reddit
Yes. Fly low, fly fast.
Professional_Will241@reddit
I’m going to assume yes because he has an AG flair…
Far_Top_7663@reddit
How old are you? There is a point where "I understand and respect your concerns, but ___" is the right way to go.
The blank should be filled with a mixture of how you address risks, examples of other people dying in non-aviation accidents (from car crashes to drowning to fires to job accidents), and ultimately and most important, your favorite version of "it's my life" (which is why I asked for your age, and also economic funding is a point on how much your life is YOUR life).
Be respectful but assertive and show final decision. Hopes is that when she realizes that you are doing it period, the uncertainty will go away and while she may still not like it, with the uncertainty gone I would expect her mood towards that reality to improve. Like, you can die tomorrow of anything. Car crash, stroke, slip in the bathtub and hit your head with the faucet... She KNOWS that but there is NOTHIG she can do about that, so she is not thinking about it all the time.
JustAnotherDude1990@reddit
You should send her news articles to every single fatal vehicle crash in your immediate area. Then try to talk her out of driving.
I_ALWAYS_UPVOTE_CATS@reddit
Is your mother worried about you driving when there's a car crash? Ask her (gently) to think about why not.
k5xjs@reddit
Would your instructor be willing to meet and talk with her? Perhaps if your mom knew and had confidence in him/her she would feel more comfortable.
DisregardLogan@reddit (OP)
My mother has talked to my CFI a few times before and I mention in conversation and how he helps me with things, so I think she trusts him. It’s more so a matter of the actual flying portion and me being by myself
Hemmschwelle@reddit
That could make things worse. Mom needs to talk to a therapist.
Ashamed-Charge5309@reddit
It's your life, not hers. Harsh, but true.
Continue pursuing your dream even in the face of adversity.
Unless this is a one off, consider that she may be starting to show some true colors in her support of you.
More parents need to learn that their kids are not property they are entitled to clip their wings (literally in this case) and keep them tied down "just because" they created/gave birth to you. Take it from someone who hit the big four zero recently and has a parent that still treats yours truly as owned property: Don't give up your dreams.
If it may help her, try to somehow get her involved in what you do. Pay for a discovery flight? Hamburger/Pancake day at the airport with other pilots?.
If you hesitate with that, then there are probably some deeper issues going on. Only you can answer that
JBR1961@reddit
Low-time recreational flyer here, so take my thoughts with a huge grain of salt. But maybe thoughts from us rusty, low-time guys are relateable in a way, too? I am very rusty now just because I mainly had nowhere to go. But I am glad I earned my certificate. My advice? Subscribe to AOPA Flight Training magazine. I still read it monthly after 20 years. And constantly remember the old saying about “old, bold pilots.” Rare things could always happen beyond your control. But so many fatal GA events occur because of foolish (hotdogging), careless (running dry, neglecting checklists), or simply unwise (get-there-itis) behaviors. And those you should be able to control. Have fun but keep your head in the game.
PS-Would your mom be willing to ride along for a lesson? Actually watching you and your CFI preflight the aircraft, understand the work you put in to stay safe, and actually experience the sensations might help her with this anxiety. We always fear things more when they are unknown.
GryphonGuitar@reddit
She's allowed to feel the way she feels, and you're allowed to fly anyway. That's how I'd tackle it. "Mom, I understand how you feel and I respect the fact that you want what's best for me. However, this is what I want to do and I'm going to do everything I can to make it as safe as possible. Thanks for understanding."
Hemmschwelle@reddit
1500 hours in a small airplane is a lot of cumulative risk. That's 30 years of 'recreational flying'.
Vengenz666@reddit
Your mom know you will, one day, in fact die right? Why let the fear of that run your life?
Rush_1_1@reddit
I think being older you have better habits for training, but you get you have a better brain. So as long as you have good habits for training, you're as safe as possible and you're gonna be a killer pilot!
Malec555@reddit
Do what you want, it's your one life. You decide how its gonna be.
Think what and how you will feel in few years if you do listen to her and droped. Have differend career, successful or not, doesn't matter, but you might regret you dropped and didn't finished it. But its so much more difficult to change careers later in life then now.
In few years she even might read some article about some pilot or hear something impresive about one or whatever something cool about pilots or flying and suddenly she says to you : To bad you didn't have your licence, you could be this person.
lol
You suggest to live your life how You want, not someone else want you to live.
VanDenBroeck@reddit
As long as she is just apprehensive or worried but not forbidding you to fly there is no need to worry about it. Fly on.
MIMA_GUNNER@reddit
I started flying in highschool. Even now 21 years later, flying professionally for 15 of those years, it still scares my mom. Flying terrified her but she has always been supportive of my dreams and worked hard to make them happen. I have definitely never bring up aviation accidents with her but when she asks about them I do my best to explain what is known, I don’t speculate. I don’t go into detail but I try and make sure she knows that this doesn’t change the fact that flying is still one of the safest things you can do. As much as she was terrified of the idea, she was my first passenger. She said while it hasn’t made her a less nervous flyer it made her feel more confident about me flying. She got to see my level of skill first hand. Like some of the other comments have said or implied. Don’t let her fear be the thing that holds you back. Chances are you will be able to help her mitigate those fears. End of the day, you have to live your life, her fear shouldn’t be the controlling factor. I know that that is easier to say on this side of doing it.
aftcg@reddit
Train like your life depends on it!
OtterVA@reddit
Risks of crashing tends to decrease the further you progress professionally from pilot training, unless you go the military route.
discgolfpilot@reddit
2 unhelpful things and 1 helpful.
It definitely won't help but "We have a perfect track record in aviation, we have never left a single plane in the sky"
If you plan on doing this for a living you will probably have to move back in with her at least once because you are broke, single, and the company you work for went bankrupt at least once in your career.
She is worried about you outta love. It may be helpful to talk to her about how what happened to that person was because they didn't follow their training.
goodatgettingbanned@reddit
Your mom is entitled to her opinions and feelings, and it sounds like they’re somewhat warranted. We parents tend to worry about our kids more than anything. However, it doesn’t sound like she’s forbidding you from continuing, so there’s not really anything for you to worry. Best you can do to reassure her is to show her you’re serious about safety by taking it the training seriously and studying hard.
BoeDinger1225@reddit
Non-aviation people will never understand aviation, so the best you can do is what you know is right (keep pursuing your passion) and just reassure her that accidents are extremely uncommon
Originalname888@reddit
If you let other peoples fears run your life, you’ll never get to do what you want. There’s risk in everything, just remember your checklist and to abide by all safety rules, regulations, & boundaries.
DisregardLogan@reddit (OP)
https://asn.flightsafety.org/wikibase/520704
Here is also the ASN link if anyone is interested in giving it a look. I tried adding it to my post but it wouldn’t let me link it for whatever reason.
rFlyingTower@reddit
This is a copy of the original post body for posterity:
Student pilot in highschool, about halfway through PPL. There was a fatal crash recently near my local airport, and they impacted a road after attempting the impossible turn.
This just so happened to be the road my mother takes to work daily, so she came across the crash aftermath. I talked to her briefly about it, but I can’t really talk about flying incidents with her because it makes her upset, this one in particular made her especially uncomfortable because it was a student and instructor.
She’s been kind of more quiet recently when I’ve talked to her about flying and how I’m progressing, that sort of thing. I’ve tried my best to tell her about the risks and how while I’m not immune to getting into an incident, it’s not as dangerous as she thinks. She’s talked to me a few times on how maybe I should pause my training until I’m older, which I’d rather not do.
My father on the other hand loves me flying and wants me to keep doing it. He flew when he was younger but never got his license, so he wants me doing it. He’s tried talking to her about the same things, too, but she’s not really hearing it.
I don’t really know what to tell her. I understand her viewpoint and that it’s definitely scary to have your kid doing something like flying, but I don’t want to postpone my career because of her fears.
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