ULPT: What are some effective ideas to get kids away from playing in front of my house?
Posted by Capital-Platypus-805@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 36 comments
I'm renting a house with my family in a low income neighborhood because that's what we can afford, and all the kids play right in front of our house every single day in the afternoon until late at night and they scream like banshees, say a lot of bad words, hit the ball against the wall and litter the street. My dog is also very stressed and barks a lot at them which is also very stressful for my family and I.
My mom asked them two days ago if they could please play somewhere else and they moved like 10 meters away but now they're back in front of the house. I don't want to tell them anything myself because I have anger control issues and I might insult and threaten them if they don't listen or offend me and I honestly don't want to have to deal with angry parents that might tell the landlord or even worse call the cops and get my family in trouble.
I figured out that the reason why they play right in front of our house is because there's a street light right in front of the house, and I'm having intrusive thoughts of messing with it but I will get most likely caught because these child breeders always have people at home that don't work or do anything.
Please, I need advice to get them to play somewhere else without getting in too much trouble. I have autism which makes me highly sensitive to noise and I don't have money to put ACs in the house and I'm not the kind of person to put music out loud to bother innocent neighbors who have nothing to do with this.
It can be unethical just not highly illegal. I want something that people will not find out easily and if they do I won't get into much trouble.
Thank you in advance.
torridorchid@reddit
My concern is your”anger control issues” and not the kids playing out front. Therapy and self awareness would be my first move.
TheWizardNatasha@reddit
You've never had kids scream mon-stop and destroy shit infront of your house while 'playing'. I have been one of those kids and now i hate them with a passion. even while being a chill, highly self aware person lol
Capital-Platypus-805@reddit (OP)
Therapy doesn't fix my noise sensitivity issues.
Valreesio@reddit
Then put on a good pair of over the ear nose reduction headphones and enjoy the silence. I put my headphones on and I can't hear shit going on around me.
Popular-Platypus-102@reddit
Motion activated water sprinkler
Valreesio@reddit
Tell me you don't have kids workout telling me you don't have kids. Kids love running through sprinklers, especially in the hot summer... Lol.
Popular-Platypus-102@reddit
I have children. Kids are baby goats.
Valreesio@reddit
Children and kids are the same. They both jump on things they're not supposed to, get scared and fall, and yell incoherently when they're upset... Lol.
Popular-Platypus-102@reddit
So you’re the parent of goats. Got it.
SantosFurie89@reddit
Fed via the new family urinal storage
Bonus points for shamelessly urinating out front to fill this up. Here goes the neighbourhood
Ok_Perception1131@reddit
Came here to say this
Gimme_Your_Wallet@reddit
No one will comment on the "child breeders" comment?
spellboundartisan@reddit
Not everyone has the same opinion you do about crotch goblins. Hope this helps.
high-priestess@reddit
Common terminology for the antinatalist / childfree crowd! I think it’s apt in many cases.
oah9449@reddit
You can get a ‘mosquito’ sound machine. Only people under a certain age can hear it (under 17/18 if I recall correctly.) UK councils trialled them a while back to stop feral youth hanging about certain places but they got scrapped as it was considered cruel apparently.
Salt-Independent-760@reddit
This. I mess with my frends' teenage kids at random with a 17khz sound from my phone at random. The adults are oblivious, and they almost lose their shit. They're on to it, but it's still funny. To the OP, a big speaker blasting this across the yard should work.
SantosFurie89@reddit
Haha that's brilliant advice. Why waste 30 or so $€£ etc when you can play various ones off of YouTube, and invest in a cool new loud speaker that you can use for other things..
If the high pitched noise doesn't work, I beleive it's super discombobulating if you play back their noise to them.. The feedback loop and second or so delay will make talking for them reallyyyy hard lol and also just generally playing back their aweful noise is the perfect punishment - not even really unethical, it is literally their noise. So bonus points to copyright it and then send them legal sounding letters for infringement of your copyright. It won't hold up, but it's not harassment, especially if you hire a 3rd party company
Image_Inevitable@reddit
I'm 39 and that was unbearable when I looked it up just now.
I think that's the same frequency of my ultrasonic dog bark blaster I got for my neighbors dogs. I accidentally pointed it at myself once and it hurt like hell.
Capital-Platypus-805@reddit (OP)
Amazing idea... The problem is where to get one in my country as I don't live in uncle Sam, LOL.
lawrencelearning@reddit
Go outside and try to play with them
"Pass to me! My ball!" Etc
They'll quickly move on
butthatbackflipdoe@reddit
This is probably the best way to do it. Make the kids decide for themselves that they don't wanna be there cuz of the weirdo who keeps intruding on them.
Just be annoying and try overly hard to fit in and be friends. Talk non-stop and they'll get sick of you.
SantosFurie89@reddit
Find a, weird niche type of music that you can weirdly vibe with.. Get the outfit and merch really lean into it - become the stereotype.. But merge this with a bad boy hip hop vibe, and blast the music via a boom box / ghetto blaster type. Just moodily jam to it outside, get reallyyyy into it. Be one with the music. Become the music.
57_Eucalyptusbreath@reddit
Play classical music a little loud. It’s my understanding that kids really don’t like it. Apparently last century (1980’s) some small business’ had success w this.
Also if there are lights that are burnt out elsewhere contact the city to fix them.
Remarkable_Table_279@reddit
Better play opera or operettas…I personally love Gilbert & Sullivan musicals…but I’ve been tempted to play pirates of penzance as a deterrent more than once
high-priestess@reddit
Transplant a bunch of fire anthills into your yard. Problem solved.
Capital-Platypus-805@reddit (OP)
It's not a yard, it's the street. Houses here don't have a lawn, it's just a concrete small house next to the street with windows.
ComputerKris@reddit
Inform the parents that you are on a registry and are required to notify them and keep ten yards away. Also, they can't come over on Halloween.
Capital-Platypus-805@reddit (OP)
Haha funny but this isn't the USA, if I told them that they would lynch me 😆
ErikTheRed19@reddit
Spray some liquid ass in their general direction
Ok_Perception1131@reddit
Put something stinky there. Fish, dog poop, blue cheese.
stoic_yakker@reddit
sprinklers that are motion activated
Capital-Platypus-805@reddit (OP)
This isn't America haha forgot to add that. We live in a concrete jungle, there's no lawn here, so, no reason to install sprinklers.
Checkmate1win@reddit
Landmines or dog poop.
TexasBurgandy@reddit
perhaps not music, but definitely a sound might help
OhGodWhyKhan@reddit
Get a 'beware of the dog' sign and set up a barking sound to play on a sensor out of the nearest window to the front of the house, or fart spray. The latter you might only need to use once or twice to put them off
yodellingposey@reddit
Pour water on the ground? If theyre bouncing a ball and getting splashed a bit they might wander away slightly.