ULPT request: cars in my neighbor speed up and swerve at runners.
Posted by agustybutwhole@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 314 comments
I’ve talked to other people in the neighborhood about it to make sure I’m not crazy. It’s been corroborated with multiple people that there are two houses in particle where the cars purposefully speed by runners as close as possible. There’s speed radar and I’ve seen them going as fast as 60 in a 15 in a neighborhood full of kids. Both houses are anal as fuck about their cars and lawns. Any advice?
Odd-Sun7447@reddit
Speed bumps
https://www.amazon.com/Channel-Capacity-Anchors-Driveway-Concrete/dp/B0DKP4PXSS
Put them in at night. Use construction adhesive as well as drive those lags in deep.
trashme8113@reddit
My dad once lived near a pond with a road going by it. Turtles would walk out of the pond and walk across the street. There were a lot of turtles squished on the edge of the road. Some drivers would swerve to the edge to squish them. So he made some wooden turtles with nail sticking up under the shell - anyone who swerved to the edge of the road to squish a turtle got their tire popped! Seems it would fit for these people going at runners.
allofthematt@reddit
How does one make a wooden runner?
NavidsonRcrd@reddit
If a driver would go out of their way to squish an animal, they deserve to be taught that lesson!
Milky_Gashmeat@reddit
The amount of psychos that are willing to do that is kind of scary. I knew a few people like that in high school. Needless to say we didn't stay in touch for long.
RustBeltLab@reddit
Tires and glass. Very expensive to replace.
Kenneldogg@reddit
Sugar in the gas tank, not a lot just enough to fuck up their fuel pump and fry some relays. That will cost a lot more than the glass or tires.
kellsdeep@reddit
Plain old water is actually much more effective.
saturnarc@reddit
Diesel exhaust fluid if you want to wreck the engine, it will rust the entire engine before they notice a problem
Front-Mall9891@reddit
Oil yes, diesel will make it smoke and clog the catalytic converter, how do I know, had an idiot at work put diesel in the gas mower because the other 2 are diesel, safe to say he was no longer allowed to fill machines
Plasticity93@reddit
And less evidence
justpress2forawhile@reddit
"must have got some bad gas somewhere" oops
calrammer@reddit
Better yet, pretend you poured sugar in the gas tank. Spill some on the ground, around the gas tank and leave the bag by the car. They'll freak out, spend money for a tow/mechanic for nothing 😁
Kenneldogg@reddit
Thats diabolical I freaking love it.
udidubbun@reddit
I had an annoying frat rat across the street that bought a sportbike as his first moto, and raced it up and down the block like a kid on a minibike the day after Christmas.
My roommates and I, under cover of darkness, put some random nuts and bolts under the bike with some motor oil...
The next afternoon he was in his driveway with a toolbox, a lawnchair, and a brand-new repair manual.
Good times.
tree_beard_8675301@reddit
A month later, fake it again. A month after that, do it for real. After two fakes, they will assume it’s another fake and start it right up.
Unplannedroute@reddit
Gas tanks lids have been locked for decades
Kenneldogg@reddit
Didn't say you wouldn't need a crowbar... they are trying to make this guy pay for endangering people why not make them pay with body damage as well as engine damage.
krazul88@reddit
I mean, performing property damage with a crowbar and a gas can of a foreign substance is Unethical for sure, but it doesn't feel very "Pro" - chance of being caught seems very high, and repurcussions could be very damaging, especially long term.
Kenneldogg@reddit
Nah you could pop open the lid with minimal noise. The clip holding the door closed is plastic.
krazul88@reddit
It still seems just as "Pro" as slashing the tires, pouring liquid ass down the windshield vents, and drawing dicks with acid...
Informal_Camera6487@reddit
Sugar is not soluble in gasoline. It will just sit at the bottom of the tank or get removed by the fuel filter. Sugar in the gas is an old myth. Does nothing at all.
Number_169@reddit
Not true it makes cinnamon rolls come out the exhaust.
cyrusthemarginal@reddit
This, pour in kerosene or deisel
Informal_Camera6487@reddit
That's still really only going to need the fuel drained and maybe the lines flushed. I don't really know what would be super damaging. Maybe a handful or two of crushed up styrofoam?
mr_marshian@reddit
AdBlue is the best (worst). Way worse fix than just drain and flush of the fuel lines. Most likely new engine
eatingganesha@reddit
nah… liquid detergent like Tide works the absolute best and messes up the whole engine because it overwhelms the fuel filter. I did this to my evil step father after the divorce and he had to scrap the whole vehicle.
Ack_Pfft@reddit
Swerving at runners constitutes assault. Call the police immediately after it happens.
bimbampilam@reddit
ACAB
AmazingLie54@reddit
Maybe so, but even a B can have its uses
corva96@reddit
Wrong sub
toolsavvy@reddit
True but OP is looking for ULPT for a big crime being committed without getting the law involved yet. It's actually a very big deal to use a vehicle for assault. It's also terrorizing, which makes it, get this...terrorism. If prosecuted properly, they will lost their licenses for a while and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
going-for-gusto@reddit
Use a GoPro for your evidence, post the video on the neighborhood social media so along with the popo the neighborhood will bring scorn on them.
Spaceman_John_Spiff@reddit
Nah. Bleach. And put it in a gas can when you add it to the tank. It's much less conspicuous.
Roonwogsamduff@reddit
Aren't most caps locked?
rodr3357@reddit
Depends, a lot of modern cars still don’t use any locking mechanism.
Almost all (if not all) modern cars have anti siphon features to prevent removing liquid from the tank, but nothing to stop you from ADDING contents
Workdawg@reddit
Sugar isn't really effective on modern cars
Main_Tension_9305@reddit
Doesn’t work
Killathulu@reddit
Not sugar, use bleach
amishbill@reddit
Diesel. A half gallon or so might cause some interesting results without actually damaging anything.
Makeitcool426@reddit
Sugar does nothing, bleach on the other hand.
Nephroidofdoom@reddit
The ceramic parts of spark plugs will make automotive glass explode on impact. Keep some in your pocket when you go running
K_Linkmaster@reddit
Not just spark plugs. Toilets. Sinks. Figurines. Any porcelain will work.
MyDogsNameIsToes@reddit
I knew there was a reason I kept my old spark plugs.
markovianprocess@reddit
Good old ninja rocks.
TITTIES_N_UNICORNS@reddit
Glenn is that you?
Professional_Dig9384@reddit
wait why Glenn. I think I have a reason why you said it but wanna confirm!
TITTIES_N_UNICORNS@reddit
Glenn Close > Freddie Wong > Dungeons and Daddies early Season 1
Professional_Dig9384@reddit
My man
grassbead@reddit
I just burst out laughing while trying to put my kid down. Love this
Affectionate-Act6127@reddit
Those are exactly the kind of people that call the police.
Everyone in this neighborhood is racist and picks on me for no reason.
cyrusthemarginal@reddit
Freeze roundup into ice cubes, toss em on the lawn from out of camera range.
account_not_valid@reddit
My fridge has an ice maker. Should I just fill the reservoir with round up?
cyrusthemarginal@reddit
Might as well, the company says the stuff is non-toxic
peteofaustralia@reddit
Or just lots of rock salt at 2am. Easy to throw fistfuls all over their yard without leaving the footpath. One fistful per yard per night when you go for a walk, that's a lot in just a few weeks.
Captain_Wag@reddit
Great tip, but the next batch of ice you make is gonna taste funky just so you know.
cyrusthemarginal@reddit
i keep special roundup trays in my special roundup fridge in my special roundup garage
slickrok@reddit
You use paper cups my friend. Or muffin tin liners.
AmazingLie54@reddit
That's why you use different ice trays and preferably a different freezer or plan on cleaning the freezer after making the roundup ice
demiseofamerica@reddit
Won’t matter. All Americans are already ingesting glyphosate 5 or 6 PPM.
Imagine that. A known carcinogen is being ingested by most Americans.
People wonder why our food is banned in a lot of countries
FREEDOM!
Jicama_Minimum@reddit
There was a professor at PSU who used to start his semester by taking a shot glass of glyphosate and drinking it. Every semester for like 30 years. I think the issue with the guys who get cancer from glyphosate (very few cases I’m aware of), generally these guys are slinging around herbicides all day and mixing and matching and doing whatever the fuck they want. If you ever meet some farmers who are using like 55 drum barrels of herbicides multiple times per year… their methods are not exactly “read the label and follow all directions”. These are more like the types of guys who say “granddaddy said glyphosate works best when you mix in a quart of whiskey with each batch.” So who knows what is giving these guys cancer.
demiseofamerica@reddit
Trust me bro
Jicama_Minimum@reddit
Sure I worked with herbicides for 15 years but I guess you likely know more about it from that article you read.
demiseofamerica@reddit
The only agency saying it’s not probable carcinogenic is the US FDA.
There’s a reason a lot of countries don’t buy our food…
Everyone else agrees it’s a probable carcinogen. Scientists and professors of research tend to disagree with you.
Believe what you want
Jicama_Minimum@reddit
Scientist are not of one mind on it. The EPA does not classify it as a carcinogen. As I mentioned above the professor at PSU (Penn State University - a large agricultural program) felt confident enough that it was harmless to directly drink the stuff. Regardless, the levels that you would need to take to get cancer are very high. Not something the average person needs to worry about. And the people who are exposed at those levels are generally using other, far more dangerous chemicals. There are a lot of weird vegan conspiracy types who have targeted glyphosate as some great satan. The far more dangerous chemicals are insecticides, which fuck up hormone levels and cause things like colony collapse for pollinators. Glyphosate, when used properly, does hundreds of hours of menial work in a single hour, and I don’t know one person who had health problems related to it after 15-years in the agriculture/horticulture field.
demiseofamerica@reddit
Sure. Go with that bud.
Zercomnexus@reddit
Buy a tray for the special cubes
-underdog-@reddit
don't forget the piss
Jicama_Minimum@reddit
Use a soil sterilizer instead, something like cassaron. It will kill the grass and make nothing grow there for a year or two.
Admirable_Hand9758@reddit
I remember getting whipped with those spring mounted antennas back in the day. Had cans of coke thrown at me as well. I was training for a marathon and was inside the pedestrian line. A holes.
randomscruffyaussie@reddit
If you put out plastic traffic cones on the road (to give separation between runners and cars), would these same people run over the traffic cones out of spite?
If so, good.
Put plastic traffic cones out often enough that said drivers get used to running them over. Then, fill the cones with concrete and let them set before putting them back out on the road.
WingApprehensive7551@reddit
If someone gets injured by that, it can and probably would be considered a booby trap and you can be held liable. Especially if you bait them into running them over first like you described.
JohnPaulDavyJones@reddit
Just for consideration: if you try to fill one of the standard 36” cones with concrete, you probably won’t even be able to move it. I recommend one of two options:
Get a trim-line cone, either 28” or 36”. These are a bit narrower, but have enough body to hold the requisite mass.
Plug the base with plywood and glue, fill the cone about 1/3 of the way up with your desired ballast substance through the hole in the top, then lower a piece steel pipe down the hole at the top so that it’s sticking up through the cone.
Some years ago, we had an issue with people whipping through an area where children would be walking home from our nearby elementary school, so several neighbors put out cones. Most of the cones were swiftly run over, so one neighbor decided to make about a half-dozen of the latter sort of cones and randomly mix them into the set around the neighborhood.
Only one got hit, and the police asked some questions, but nobody was ever charged except the driver of the vehicle. He caught a reckless driving charge.
Dry_Database_6720@reddit
Satan! I’ve been looking all over for you.
ForThePosse@reddit
Maybe put up a sign telling joggers to stay on the sidewalks.
Speadraser@reddit
Tell runners to bring a foam brick. I’ve seen these on memes where pedestrians are given the right of way at crosswalks for fear of vehicle damage. There are some near puddles during rain. The cars slow down quickly to not agitate pedestrians.
Ixta44@reddit
Everyone visibly carry a brick
LDC2335@reddit
Go pro on your runs, give video to cops, then press charges for attempted murder. Even if the case doesn't go anywhere, they'd likely not do it again.
hmmmaybeidk@reddit
Ethical- Maybe if it’s an HOA get with the president about putting speed bumps in. Not sure exactly if this is up to them though or who owns the road technically. Unethical- go for a walk and wait on them to come by and act startled and “accidentally” launch something hard at the windshield
capre_diem@reddit
Park a car by the road and put realistic looking police lights ontop the roof.
capre_diem@reddit
Fake speed bumps, get them 3d painted
amy000206@reddit
Push an empty baby carriage directly in front of one so they can't avoid it . I bet they'll be wishing they were wearing depends
_aboth@reddit
Put a watermelon in it
tgubbs@reddit
And put clothes on the watermelon
Cesaw_@reddit
And a baby next to the watermelon so it looks real
bluealbino@reddit
boy, that escalated quickly.
TolMera@reddit
Gah damn this is peak Unethical Life pro tips.
My God I hope someone records this.
enutz777@reddit
Don’t worry, it has been fed into AI and will echo throughout the ages as it randomly pops up in AI prank tips.
Katman666@reddit
Put a sock on the baby
nursecarmen@reddit
There wouldn’t have been a baby if he put a sock on it.
y2ketchup@reddit
And my axe!
Hello_Hangnail@reddit
And a can of chef boyardee
theoddfind@reddit
And a can of Chef Baby-Ardee
Houndhollow@reddit
Glass bottle of ketchup
MathIsHard_11236@reddit
Buttered watermelon
fastgetoutoftheway@reddit
How are they related? Delusion.
Rabid-Ami@reddit
IM SCREAMING
IM SCREAMING
IM SCREAMING
Working-Bet-9104@reddit
Lol
VMetal314@reddit
r/unexpectedoffice
MRBS91@reddit
Or bricks
WhatWouldJoshuaDo@reddit
Or a dead baby goat or pic you get from Costco
Royal-Elephant261@reddit
Make sure you get it on video!
fastates@reddit
Realistic infant doll you paint with blood, or red drippy paint, or ketchup. Make sure it has a cute cowlick & a dinosaur t-shirt, lil tiny infant size orange Crocs to remind the driver of his pending shoewear in prison. 😊
Pooch76@reddit
I’m imagining people throwing these at the car and running away and it’s cracking me up.
fastates@reddit
😆
PoopBaby0013@reddit
Tin cans. They go everywhere but oddly make a point. Saw it in a movie
Son_Of_Toucan_Sam@reddit
That was the one about the speeding bus that had to speed around the city and if its speed dropped below 50mph it exploded right?
mrangry7100@reddit
Yeah, it was called Velocity.
CertainWish358@reddit
Speed: With Direction!
MarvinHeemeyersTank@reddit
I think it was called, The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.
SteveAndyW@reddit
Why aren’t they in school!? WHY AREN’T YOU IN SCHOOL!?!?
bbennett108@reddit
Use the fake baby from American Sniper
Electronic_Repeat_81@reddit
A Little Tykes Cozy Coupe works well too.
notathr0waway1@reddit
An empty baby carriage full of bricks
Boomtownz@reddit
Baby bricks dressed as watermelons
m2chaos13@reddit
Did you know I had to stay up all night painting bricks 🧱 green and putting stripes on them 🍉
eo5g@reddit
Unless it happens multiple times and we get a boy who cried wolf situation
The_gaming_wisp@reddit
Brick. No need to throw it, just hold it like you will throw it as the fucker goes by. Distribute more bricks to neighbors and tell them to do the same
GalaApple13@reddit
This happens to me and my dog sometimes. If I have a bag, a flick of my wrist sends it right to their hood or windshield. If they’re not too close, it wouldn’t hit them, and if they’re not going too fast, it wouldn’t split open. My dog is not small, and what’s in the bag is not small.
whatsbobgonnado@reddit
what's in the bag?
GalaApple13@reddit
Poop
Fine-Structure-1299@reddit
Get everybody to carry a brick when they go running. Otherwise video evidence and get the police involved.
Time_Engineering_293@reddit
Spike strips and piss discs
whatsbobgonnado@reddit
piss spikes
Kind_Mountain1657@reddit
I met a runner who had been hit by a car while running before. Now he carries a stick with him, and when he hears a car approaching, he holds it out so it would scratch the car if they passed him too closely. Drivers normally give him a wide berth.
pizzahorny@reddit
Countycom sells stop sticks… do with that what you will.
WhenSharksCollide@reddit
Emotional support stop sticks.
wheeler916@reddit
Grab a schadeur valve removal tool and take their valves out. Throw them in their nice green grass
CallmeMefford@reddit
This isn’t enough. They can just buy a schrader valve tool and valves and be back on the road. They need side cutters to cut off the valve stem. The punks will need to be their cars towed or remove the tires and wheels to get them repaired.
nowthengoodbad@reddit
One of the new mechanics at our shop mashed our valve stem with pliers. They replaced it for free, but that's because we got the car back from them with that additional...feature which wasn't ordered.
CallmeMefford@reddit
Ohhh, so you’re saying remove the schrader valve, and then squish the valve stem so the schrader valve can’t be reinstalled? I get it. That might be even MORE frustrating to them. Especially if you leave the valve right by the tire so it’s teasing them as they look at it. I like it!
ImReallyFuckingHigh@reddit
I find sidewall punctures to be more effective
Mtn_Soul@reddit
Is that loud when you do it or stealthy?
rodr3357@reddit
It has a loud whoosh, but no whistle.
Could probably run a long air hose too and move all noise out to the street
CallmeMefford@reddit
WE ARE NOT SAVAGES, SIR. Actually… yeah, fuck it. Stabbin ‘em works too.
whyisitsofuckingcold@reddit
I like u/amy000206's suggestion to make them shit their pants thinking they actually hit a baby.
Also, bologna bits on the hood of their car- it'll dissolve the paint. Eggs work well too. Or just you know, paint thinner if you anticipate they'll notice chunks of lunch meat before it can do the damage.
There's also the good ol' potato in the tailpipe method.
chefdisco@reddit
Caltrops. Toss em out, then pick the rest up and watch the idiot stop to a smoking halt down the street.
PuzzleheadedTea4221@reddit
Call the police. Ask them if they want to come by and set up in your driveway. Years ago we had a young guy that had a motorcycle that kept racing up and down the secondary street we lived on. It was only about 2 weeks and all of a sudden there was a police car sitting there waiting. You just have to call enough to make a complaint to where someone in charge will do something.
agustybutwhole@reddit (OP)
My neighbors daughter is a cop I might run it by him. Thanks.
PimpinWeasel@reddit
Ask the neighbor's daughter cop to go on a run or walk with you.
If you two get swerved at i bet she could get multiple cop cats out there pretty quickly.
shaftofbread@reddit
Those feline cops are brutal.
practical_junket@reddit
Just make sure the racing cars don’t go psp psp psp out their window!
shaftofbread@reddit
hahaha! you're absolutely right! 😂
west-coast-hydro@reddit
Attempted murder of a police officer....
That'll slow them down to prison with any luck
RCBilldoz@reddit
Meow that is a good idea!
Ok-Recognition9876@reddit
Get her to go running with you one morning. She will call it in and it will get a response pretty fast.
Myriadix@reddit
Even if that does work, make a formal police report every day you see it happen. It becomes hard-record that the department cannot ignore if it builds up. A single cop can instantly make everyone do 5 mph below the limit and people think twice before doing stupid shit if they know there can be consequences for it.
Even better, get your neighbors in on it and have them also do formal complaints. Multiple people saying the same thing changes things faster than you'd think.
danthieman@reddit
Get the neighbors doing it to make a report 😂
going-for-gusto@reddit
EthicalLifeProTip love it, cops rely on statistics!
Equivalent-Carry-419@reddit
One person complaining is just a single nutcase causing work for the police. Ten people means that there’s a real problem.
Watch_The_Expanse@reddit
Exactly this. Reports matter!
Bicwidus@reddit
I could get a good look a T-bone that way
darksteel1335@reddit
How was this not your first move instead of Reddit?
NashCop@reddit
Call your precinct and ask for a community affairs sergeant. This is definitely something you can get a car out for a few times. It’ll get serious in a hurry if they are observed by LE doing something like this. If that doesn’t work out, then you could explore some unethical options.
mupete@reddit
Yeah but name of this sub is unethical
PuzzleheadedTea4221@reddit
I know I know. But in America that could be considered unethical.
NageV78@reddit
The squeaky wheel gets the oil.
SomePeopleCall@reddit
Putting oil on a squeak just washes away the grease, which is why the saying doesn't use it.
Cute-Yam-5086@reddit
Shoot them in the face.
UnluckyPilot1453@reddit
If you haven’t made a police report by now you’re either a liar or insane
Revolutionary-Half-3@reddit
There's a fun psychological effect where a pedestrian carrying an object in one hand tends to convince drivers to keep their distance.
Golf clubs are popular, and if it doesn't work, upgrade to a brick. Hold it to the side every once in a while.
BillfredL@reddit
I’ve read of bicyclists who strap a pool noodle onto the back of the bike for the same reason.
If not a golf club or pool noodle, I’d find a length of aluminum tubing. Very high strength to weight ratio.
Revolutionary-Half-3@reddit
Other than the subconscious desire to give a little more room, the golf club is somewhat innocent looking compared to a baseball bat.
Otoh, it has a metal head on the end of a long handle, and any driver close enough to accidentally get hit doesn't have much of a legal defense.
I'm one of those people who thinks school buses need an arm that swings into the other lane, with a ball peen hammer on the end of it. Drivers pay more attention when they have immediate consequences, like tire spikes or speed bumps that hit hard enough to spill expensive coffee.
Euphoric911@reddit
If California crime is anything to learn from, spark plugs go thru glass like its not even there
JohnHazardWandering@reddit
A stick with spark plugs on it would be good.
If they were close enough to hit the stick, they were likely not giving legally required space to the runner. IANAL.
tablecontrol@reddit
oooh.. sparkplug on a fishing pole - too close is too close
TroublesomeEyes@reddit
I live in PA and I swear some of the people that live here intentionally swerve towards people on the sidewalk ?
Gyiir@reddit
Have you considered carrying a self protection brick?
VernonPresident@reddit
Emotional Support Brick
WyoHaplessGaze@reddit
Up your workout and start carrying a brick on your runs.
Scragglymonk@reddit
caltrops. good enough for the romans :)
Full_Ad9666@reddit
Caltrops are underrated
rabid_cheese_enjoyer@reddit
people are randomly dropping them in a nearby city and its causing a lot of problems
Full_Ad9666@reddit
Caltrops: 1,000,000
Everyone else and that town: 0
rabid_cheese_enjoyer@reddit
hey! the tire companies are doing brisk business
JoshuaFalken1@reddit
Wait...tire companies wouldn't pay people to do this so that tire sales go up, would they??
Jicama_Minimum@reddit
I read an article in the past few weeks that it is a huge problem in Indonesia. To the point where there are like volunteer corps who go out and remove them every day, for decades. And they seem to be concentrated around tire repair shops.
Kaidela1013@reddit
But remember, solid forms plug the holes, sharpened hollow tubes allow the insides to come out.
Totally_not_Zool@reddit
I see you're also a fan of Mythbusters.
TroyeSavant@reddit
Why don’t you run on the sidewalk?
keam13@reddit
Cars blocking the sidewalk with some overgrown hedges are the main obstacles I avoid on the sidewalk and why I run in the street against the flow of traffic
SeaSetsuna@reddit
Sidewalks aren’t everywhere
TroyeSavant@reddit
OPs neighborhood has a sidewalk. Neighbors 15 mph and hella kids? Sidewalk suburbs
TweezerTheRetriever@reddit
Water balloons filled with round up slingshotted at night
Pistol grip crossbow can shoot a dart 100 feet and still penetrate a car door…. Write neighborhood runners group on the plastic fins…. Shoot darts at their roof shingles… hundreds of them till they notice the water in the attic after it rains…
HeadStartSeedCo@reddit
How would the dart stay straight
TweezerTheRetriever@reddit
The problem is that they are wildly inaccurate…. Can’t use them in the city even for practice….one got stuck in my neighbors cinder block wall….darts are about 8 inches long with a metal tip….either a plastic or metal shaft….too dangerous to be a toy too wild to be a weapon
turtstar@reddit
Are you unfamiliar with how darts work?
mta1741@reddit
I am definitely with him, but if you fire them from the back, they would topple over
fbcmfb@reddit
Poke several pin holes in the balloon before aerial delivery. Once it lands the roundup will leak out if gravity didn’t pop the balloon.
Wear gloves to protect your hand from the chemicals.
NotAzakanAtAll@reddit
Video then?
Common-Syrup5694@reddit
Carry a visible brick.
zanor@reddit
I agree with people saying that you shouldn't be subtle here and you should do as much as you can to permanently stop this. But for something more in line with the sub: You can buy concrete planters and speed bumps and place them randomly along the street to force traffic calming
Spaceman_John_Spiff@reddit
I scrolled this thread forever and not one mention of piss discs. You guys are beginning to let me down.
Mkitty760@reddit
@OP, Please update this post after you've done a few of these suggestions and let us know the outcome!
NeighborhoodLimp5701@reddit
Standing outside with a hairdryer (minus the cord) can trick people into thinking ya have a speed gun, especially if ya look like a potential LEO, that or a slingshot would be fun cause you can choose what ya load for ammo and if they’re going over 20 it’s unlikely they’ll know where it came from.
Hayashida-was-here@reddit
Carry a brick
rodr3357@reddit
Get some pressure reducing valves, they are used in the off-road community to drop tire pressure to a set level for better traction. But in your case you can drop their tire pair to a point that they’ll be visibly low, but no signs why. They’ll spend decent effort trying to figure out why their tires go low randomly.
Its important to be aware of where the cars are parked and what visibility there is to you creeping around their prized possession, this is much better if we’re talking street parking, not so great if it’s parked right next to their house in a driveway. If it’s in a driveway probably won’t be long before they put cameras or alarms up.
You can also get a good pellet rifle for about $100 and take shots at night, windows, paint. Also lemon juice or bologna on the paint. Bonus to a liquid means is that you can apply it from a super soaker
Unplannedroute@reddit
Marbles. Toss a marble or two, they bounce nice, ricochet out of sight, do damage and make make a Hella sound when they hit.
tomcatx2@reddit
A tennis ball rolled under the car at speed makes even more noise and does little to no damage. But holy shit does it freak out the cagers.
rodr3357@reddit
Smart move is to start wearing some kind of body cam when rubbing, ideally something good enough to get images of the plates
Then also do the unethical moves like destroying their cars and lawn
uktobar@reddit
If you know the vehicles, get a local teen to piss all over their windshields and drivers door at night. It won't take buying many new cars to change their tune
TweezerTheRetriever@reddit
Mint bomb the lawn…
dmitrineilovich@reddit
Bullion cubes scattered on the lawn. Animals will dig it up to find the yummy smelling 'food'.
Pour milk into the vents at the base of the windshield of their car. They'll never get that smell out.
SlickTrick454@reddit
Pour surströmming, really get the point across.
Muad_Dib_of_Arrakis@reddit
Surstromming isn't just salting the earth, its launching the dirt into orbit
rodr3357@reddit
Sounds like they deserve it
SkRThatOneDude@reddit
Fucking vile. Maybe even a war crime. I love it.
Squezme@reddit
😂😂
TweezerTheRetriever@reddit
Bullion cubes is a new one…sling shot from a distance too
Retb14@reddit
Slingshot water balloons full of brake fluid, it will melt the paint off the cars
Treadwear_Indicator@reddit
Keep in mind every front and back yard is being recorded by a blink or ring camera.
ImReallyFuckingHigh@reddit
Not every yard but as time goes on that % will continue to increase
Son_Of_Toucan_Sam@reddit
It’s best to assume it’s every yard
TweezerTheRetriever@reddit
Slingshots
KingBooRadley@reddit
Salt works too
thomasanderson123412@reddit
Roundup ice cubes and piss discs
Squezme@reddit
🤌
Remote_Presentation6@reddit
I found Satan!
GirlCowBev@reddit
Or catnip.
BumJiggerJigger@reddit
Oh god, that stuff is evil and impossible to kill
SpandexAnaconda@reddit
We finally got rid of the mint in our yard. I took a killer drought to do it.
keyboardbill@reddit
One small problem with that. Mint doesn't stop at property lines.
VindicarTheBrave@reddit
Milk poured down the vents, (or piss disc). Brake fluid on the paint delivered via super soaker. Pour salt on their lawn to spell "Douche", "Wanker", or "Fuckwit" so that people running by can have some laughs.
pammypoovey@reddit
Lol! Wanker so they go around looking for a Brit!
rodr3357@reddit
Or cunt!
Stoked_Otter@reddit
Google "ninja rocks" and make some. A thrown handful can break every piece of glass on a car instantly. Use this knowledge wisely.
Personalrefrencept2@reddit
Throw in air as said car passes while your running, deny any involvement but offer to call the police to help them report it.
Throw them under the bus when giving your statement.
Look them right in the eyes while saying they were going super fast and assumed it was a car issue and not nefarious acts on nature
HolyFuckImOldNow@reddit
Unless they have a dash cam or similar. Some folks that street race have 360 cameras that run all the time.
Personalrefrencept2@reddit
I’d like to submit my evidence doing 60 in a residential that it wasn’t my fault
rodr3357@reddit
Yes, see right here? Where I serve at the pedestrians while recklessly speeding? You can see her throw something in my way!!
Mo_Bigguh@reddit
Diabolical. I love it.
smolderas@reddit
I like your thought process.
GotGRR@reddit
I don't think the Pro Tips put you in harm's way when the Poor Decision Making theater troupe is in a position to murder you.
2Cthulhu4Scthulhu@reddit
Any but the windshield - they’re laminated, not tempered. Probably get a chip that’ll spiderweb eventually though.
ThePureAxiom@reddit
They're laminated and tempered. Don't know how it'd pan out though, when I did auto extrication training years back we demoed a bunch of different improvised methods for breaking windows on the passenger windows, including bits of ceramic off of spark plugs (which absolutely does work).
Didn't bother checking on the laminated glass of the windshield though since you'd still have to remove the glass after breaking it, and an improvised tool like this isn't going to cut it (literally).
l337quaker@reddit
Get a used baby carriage with a doll in it for one of the runners to jog with, and push it in front of one of the cars as an object lesson when they get close. This may cause a more severe accident.
poseidondieson@reddit
And perhaps a few large ketchup bottles in the carriage for added theatricality
l337quaker@reddit
Hell yeah, first time I've gotten a comment removed by Reddit.
toolsavvy@reddit
[ Removed by Google ]
BassGaming@reddit
Without a 3 day ban? Clean!
toolsavvy@reddit
They are using a motor vehicle as an assault weapon and and for terrorism. Using a vehicle in such a way is a BIG DEAL in the eyes of the law. Going unethical in this case is about as dumb as it gets since you never tried to get justice yet.
You gotta call the cops and when they don't do anything about it after you have pestered them 5 times, post it all over social media including on local PD's own FB page.
Might also want call local TV station if cops refuse to do anything. Get these asswipes on camera with their license plate visible. Runners have to be vigilant and help with the video taking. Definitely post it on your town's/city's facebook page.
If nothing above works, only then would ULPT make sense in this case.
ImGriffDanger@reddit
Spark plugs are very cheap and the ceramic on them cam be VERY easily broken off and will sail through a glass window easier than you will believe.
Severe-Ant-3888@reddit
Brake fluid for the paint and clover seeds for the lawn.
JoshuaFalken1@reddit
Start running with a brick
FrankCostanzaJr@reddit
but why?
why would 2 of your neighbors purposely speed up and swerve at runners? what's the point?
and what does their lawn and car have to do with it?
do they think runners are running into their lawn and messing with their cars?
thatsnotamachinegun@reddit
Carrying a pistol is legal in most places.
Letters_to_Dionysus@reddit
put up a couple of stands here and there with Free bricks for the runners to carry
SmokeFarts@reddit
Buy Oscar Meyer Bologna, y’know the stuff in the round container in round slices. Write “slow down around pedestrians” on them, and lay them all over the paint in their cars. Works best if it can bake in the sun for a bit.
When they remove them off, the paint goes with the bologna.
Squezme@reddit
🤣
New_Implement4410@reddit
Carry a firearm and defend yourself against assault with a deadly weapon, because that's exactly what trying to hit somebody with a car is.
OlDirtyJesus@reddit
And don’t do it if you are in shitty NY state
Hello_Hangnail@reddit
Carry a pocket full of old batteries and wing them at their windshield
Mtn_Soul@reddit
Sig p365 prominently carried in a chest holster.
Make eye contact and have a hand on the grip if they start with you again. If they say anything just tell them you don't call 911 and ask them if they know how to drive.
OlDirtyJesus@reddit
I can tell you from experience DO NOT drive up after them after your wife and kids complain about and beat the dudes ass. You will get arrested. Now he did stop doing it but I’m sure there is a less expensive way of going about this.
schwelvis@reddit
Throw ninja rocks (ceramic from spark plugs, look it up) at them.
PolymathNeanderthal@reddit
You should really teach them a lesson and run on the sidewalk. They'll never see it coming. Jk I assume you don't have sidewalks. Any broken ceramic (people are telling you spark plugs) has very sharp points that put enough pressure in a small area and breaks windows. They'll spiderweb front windows too. Flick one with your thumb up into the air when they do it. They'll hit it and get a spiderweb. Next time they'll either be so mad they actually hit you and kill you, idiot will finally go to jail, or they'll avoid you. You win either way.
Pale_Air_5956@reddit
Rocks, especially if they do it a certain time everyday
Ok_Tonight2614@reddit
Carry a foam brick.
axcl99stang@reddit
Run with a brick in your hand and trip and throw it at their car
gibsonstudioguitar@reddit
I had a neighbor do this to me when I push-mowed my lawn. He thought it was funny to swerve at me. We didn't have a curb so he could get super close without worrying about popping a tire.
One day I had it and pushed my mower under the rear tire and it got hung up under the car. I called 911 and reported the driver for swerving at me repeatedly. He got a ticket, and had to reimburse me for the mower
AmbitiousFisherman37@reddit
Thermite on the hood of the car.
Skullbong@reddit
I have said it once, and I will say it again. Caltrops.
OldERnurse1964@reddit
Call me weird but where I’m from thats assault with a deadly weapon and it will be met in kind.
ModeratelyAverage6@reddit
Carry a brick.
teachthisdognewtrick@reddit
Assuming you know where the car parks:
Pour some oil under the car. Enough to worry them to take the car in to be checked. Repeat every so often.
Pretend-Ad8634@reddit
Call the cops and report them.
ComputerGuyInNOLA@reddit
4 times the speed limit is a crime itself where I live. Mandatory court appearance, loss of license, insurance goes through the roof. Maybe even jail time. Call the cops.
welltriedsoul@reddit
I would be legal obliged to say call the police. But a couple of raw eggs will improve their wind shield. And when they hit it with cleaner it will go milky white.
mikehunt1313@reddit
Throw a trash can in front of their car. Worked when my dad did it.
justpress2forawhile@reddit
Pocket porcelain!
GMFR_TheButcher@reddit
There are a lot of ways to deal with these people. You can put water or sugar or diesel in their gas tanks fuck it just put all three, tires are very expensive cut them bad boys all to hell, shove a couple corn on the cob in the tail pipe then slam a potato on the end as hard as you can, you can throw spark plugs at the windows at night or shot them with a sling shot but wait until you know it’s gonna rain or snow really hard, me personally I made a bucket of this nasty stuff I never came up with a name for it but it’s how I dealt with speeders in my neighborhood, take a small bowl and mix a jar of peanut butter with a cup or two of instant mashed potatoes and the stinkiest mustard you can find. Wait for them to speed by and sling as big a handful you can on the windshield or you know wait till night time and just spread that shit on like your icing a cake hahah it spreads really nicely when there doing 60 and when they try to use their windshield wipers they just get stuck and burn up the motors. Let me know if you need some more ideas I got a lot.
JarHammerhead@reddit
Roll a basketball into the road while they speed by. Two people job as it need to be a passing came gone wrong. Needs to go under the car and car must be low to the ground.
Wonderful-Shake1714@reddit
Caltrops
Shaggynscubie@reddit
Walk by at night and throw fertilizer on their lawn every day.
It will burn holes into the grass from too much nitrogen.
Wear black hoodie and pants and shoes and wear gloves and a mask tho in case they have cameras
ExplorerEducational4@reddit
Honestly, the ethical solution might be best if you want maximum consequences. Call non-emergency line and have neighbors do the same, report the speeding and that people have nearly been hit. Even better if anyone's home cameras picked that up. Police love giving tickets, especially at end of month when they gotta hit that quota. And that kind of speed over the limit can cost someone their DL in some states.
Now because this is ULPT, of course I have an unethical solution or 3. Did you know you can glue a BB pellet inside the valve stem cap and it will keep deflating the tire? Did you know that a water balloon full of oil is really hard to get off of windshields? Do you know how hard it is to get spoiled milk smell out of a car, or that smelly substances can be dumped into the external defrost vents near the windshield? Well, now you do!
BoogaPicka00@reddit
Ball bearings
hickorydickoryshaft@reddit
Video them and add their names and plate numbers and send it to every insurance broker and company you can think of. Insurance companies love raising rates on deserving people.
YouTasteStrange@reddit
Wear a camera so you get evidence of their psychotic behavior.
Appropriate-Taste124@reddit
Run closer to the car. Oh and poison their lawn with ground clear
Chaos-1313@reddit
Do some weight training. Run with a brick in each hand. I think they'll get the message after just two.
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Small bag of marbles tossed in the air could help
GreenRider7@reddit
carry a brick while running. If you get startled throw it!
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Inform your local news networks. They like stories like this.
BigTribal@reddit
Carry an "emotional support brick" and let them see it. They'll likely think twice lol
Ting-a-lingsoitgoes@reddit
Rocks. Carry a rock for your running mantra. If it happens to slip out of your hand, even with a dashcam the driver would have to provide proof they both sped up and swerved at a pedestrian
PoolMotosBowling@reddit
Fertilizer the lawn with a pump sprayer.
Write slowdown assholes, or something. It'll come back for months . Show a day or 2 after cutting.
iSeize@reddit
Burn their lawn with water balloons filled with vinegar.
Take out their windows with a slingshot from a good distance if they have cameras
packetfire@reddit
A pile of Pool Shock, to which one adds some DOT4 brake fluid is an excellent firestarter - you should try this in your fire pit as you think about ways to deal with the fact of speeding cars on residential streets.
I keep a beach ball handy when I am working in the front yard, and if I see a speeder coming, I toss the beach ball into the car's path. A rational person expects a child to be close behind the ball, so its a good test of modern anti-lock braking systems.
orbitalaction@reddit
Egg is nearly impossible to clean off a windshield quickly. If they hit the wipers... oh boy.
AffectionateMarch394@reddit
You wanna get real ULPT?
Spray paint thinner (turpentine) on their cars when you won't get caught. Do it at night so it sits even longer. Fuck up that paint job REAL good. (You can also use paint stripper)
Less "fuck your shit up" but also fantastic ideas
Sprinkle some crayon shavings just above their windshield wipers, or a full (unwrapped) crayon on a hot day. Spice it up by using multiple colours to make a rainbow (heat will melt the crayons, wipers go on, it smears across the glass)
Stand on the sidewalk and blow dandelion fluff on their lawn. For additionally funzies, make eye contact when you do it. Extra Extra funsies, do it immediately after you see them try to hit someone, Pavlovian response their asses.
Birdseed their cars/parking spots. Bonus points for fresh fruit, for multi coloured bird shit. Do it often enough, birds will flock there in anticipation and shit all over their cars even when you stop.
Mouseturdsinmyhelmet@reddit
LPT: Brake fluid works way better and faster than turpentine.
Remote_Presentation6@reddit
I would carry a cue ball in my hand to chuck at their head.
Eaudebeau@reddit
Runners carry bricks. Even fake bricks.
llamaemu20@reddit
Throw some mint seed bombs in their yard.
Raptr117@reddit
It’d be nice if you were in an area with kudzu.
LeaveNoStonedUnturn@reddit
Go for a run, carry a few chunks of spark plug ceramic, and when you get swerved at, throw them at the window.
Or, do the appropriate thing, and repeatedly report to the police until they do something about it, or until someone gets killed them they do something about it
frogsareneat82@reddit
I run with a water bottle, frozen, to keep the water cold.
It would be a shame if you jumped and the water bottle left your hands out of sheer surprise and hit the car.
Have your cell phone and call 911 afterwards and report an accident and your fear for your life because the driver is acting very hostile after they ran you down with their car.
Mo_Bigguh@reddit
https://youtu.be/WLy1i7Emcyg?si=GD7ljlkSqpqRWW9o
grundelcheese@reddit
DEF is just deionized water and a high concentration of Urea Nitrogen. Diluted into the correct concentration it makes a great fertilizer, in its current form it will burn the lawn and look like dog pee spots.
Accomplished-Cow3956@reddit
Go on Facebook and make public comments that are tagged or directly onto the PD’s profile page. Make complaints and calls, this will cause enough noise that the PD will get to your neighborhood and patrol. If that doesn’t work carry a bunch of spark plug ceramics in your pockets and when the car is coming launch it at their windshield. They’ll be replacing windshields often
Rude_aBapening@reddit
Throw a bunch of bird seed in his yard
longdistancepew@reddit
Take one for the team and let them hit you.
gunfirinmaniac@reddit
Piss disk
nbd9000@reddit
caltrops
88trax@reddit
Was my first thought
GirlStiletto@reddit
OK, first question, if it is a neighborhood full of kids, are the runners on the sidewalk or are they the kind of AH who run in teh street when there is a sidewalk LITERALLY DESIGNED FOR PEDESTRIANS nearby.
ColoRadBro69@reddit
We just found the asshole that's terrorizing OP's neighborhood.
HealthySchedule2641@reddit
1st - no mention of there actually being sidewalks, most areas don't have them. 2nd - if it's a 15 mph limit it literally doesn't matter
GirlStiletto@reddit
If there are no sidewalks, that is different.
But most neighborhoods would have sidewalks, unless the OP lives in the country.
And 15 MPH doesn't excuse perdestrians who run on the street instead of using the sidewalk.
Also doesn't excuse the AH who speeds up.
ESH.
timesink2000@reddit
My neighborhood has existed since 1925 with no sidewalks, and it’s mostly 1/4 acre or smaller lots. Pavement is at most 20’ wide and lots of street trees. Only place to walk / run / bike is in the street.
pupperonipizzapie@reddit
Most of the suburban places I've lived did not have sidewalks. Our infrastructure is hostile toward pedestrians and we shouldn't have to keep conceding our safety to cars.
Barrettbuilt@reddit
Stop running…
Accurate-Okra-5507@reddit
He would but his name is Forrest
4554013@reddit
Caltrops.