In need of help with negative Jr Sailing experience
Posted by chelizora@reddit | sailing | View on Reddit | 35 comments
Hi all!
My husband and I are not sailors but we have two Jr sailors in the Bay Area, CA. We are members of our local YC.
Last summer, our now 9 year old daughter was a big fan of the program, and enjoyed sailing the Opti, so we were really looking forward to this year. Unfortunately, it’s been a complicated experience.
Normally very easy-going, she comes home daily with stories about how she was unsafe on the water and “could’ve died.” I am really trying to take this with a grain of salt, but hearing it makes me anxious.
Yesterday, she and her partner nosedived and their Opti filled with water. Their coach handed them something to bail water and they ultimately got towed. She and her partner were crying because they felt so unsafe.
I’m not trying to lay blame on anyone in particular, but I really hate seeing her have such a negative experience and I absolutely have to believe there is a solution. Sure, sailing isn’t for everyone, but she’s normally very interested in trying new things and interacting with water. (She LOVES to swim.)
Any advice on whether this sounds like normal beginner sailing knocks or something to intervene in would be GREATLY appreciated!
BranchLatter4294@reddit
It's normal to capsize or flood sailing dinghys. Happened at least once a summer in sailing camp as a kid. You have to learn how to right the boat, bail the water out, etc. It's part of the learning process.
chelizora@reddit (OP)
I guess I should ask directly, is it common for young sailors to cry tears of frustration or fear when this happens?
OptiMom1534@reddit
Yes, this is normal. My son did it too. The occasional tear at first because he thought I would be disappointed in him. This too shall pass and she’ll get used to it. no biggie.
Li54@reddit
I used to teach sailing to kids anywhere from 5-15. Definitely some tears. It’s an unfamiliar experience to them and takes some getting used to. The smaller boats are often much closer to the water, kids get wet, boats capsize, etc. they’re wearing life jackets so they’ll float, and most small boats are basically unsinkable. As instructors, we did capsize drills with the kids on day one so they all saw how it worked and saw how you would fix it and could get comfortable with “yes, boat will capsize, I will get wet, and I’ll be able to fix it and keep going.”
BranchLatter4294@reddit
Some laugh it off. Some cry. Surprised they never did drills where they intentionally capsize so they know what to do. I don't think it was a big deal for most kids... They enjoyed cooling off and a quick swim. Then back aboard.
Guygan@reddit
Definitely not uncommon.
I was the kid at age 8 who was legit terrified of some aspects of sailing lessons. 50 years later, I've been sailing and racing all over the world. Properly handled, this will just be a phase they need to get through.
chelizora@reddit (OP)
I LOVE that you say this is normal. Now to figure out how this can be communicated to her. In her mind, it was a pretty negative experience
OptiMom1534@reddit
a normal part of sailing an opti is capsizing. Learning how to capsize, turn your boat over, and bail is one of the first things they teach you. If this was a surprising experience for her, I would say the club hasn’t spent enough time teaching the kids how to properly get your boat up and keep going. Also, at 9, they should be sailing by themselves in their Opti. I could see having 2 to a boat at ages 5 or 6, but I think by 9 they should be on their own. Having an extra person on board with you might be stressful and complicate things when the boat inevitably does capsize. Please speak with the instructor and get them to address this.
Most_Nebula9655@reddit
Two stories:
1) My son was 9 when our club hosted opti nationals. He was last, and one of the mark boats got a picture of him bawling while bailing. Totally something the kids have to work through. He went on to win the US junior Champs triple handed division 8 years later and still competes at the world sailing level when he can get time away from work (Ireland in September).
2) I was the race officer of a large opti event. One of the sailors swamped and drifted away from the race course. The safety board and this sailors coach did not respond to him immediately. I kept an eye on him. He was fine. Upright, in the boat. Probably had to wait 10 mins for attention. This experience freaked him out and he mostly gave up sailing.
The question you have to answer is which kid is your kid? It helps to have a conversation - what was scary about that? And to reassure them that the coach would have intervened if there had been real danger. Some kids are afraid of unrealistic things - like sharks eating them if they touch the water. Reassure your sailor. Maybe talk to the coach about slowing down the push, and have a good summer.
I know most of the directors on the west coast. DM me with the YC name and I can give you more specific advice.
optimum1309@reddit
That’s so sad and just what a decent junior sailing program would like to avoid. Can you have a chat with the head coach/director?
That being said it’s total normal to capsize in any dinghy even up to Olympic level, and the Opti is bailed continuously by everyone up to World level (google opti sail and bail). And it’s a shocker for nose diving until you’ve got the knack. And it will nosedive more if you don’t get all the water out by … sailing and bailing!
But the instructor should be making all this fun not scary.
The thing you can do immediately is make sure she’s really warm (wet suit, gloves, booties, thermal top, rooster smock - Not sure what that’s called where you are - and a well fitted PFD so she feels safe, not like she’s going to fall out). You can likely get this gear second hand or “borrow” it for the time being from the lost property at the club.
Splinter01010@reddit
this is part of the experience of sailing. some kids relish the thrill and adventure of capsizing while some are turned off. If you can communicate to your daughter that she is going to be fine once she gets some practice saving her boat and that its normal to be scared but that she has a lot of control over her situation if she focuses on the procedures she has been taught.
tenuki_@reddit
Her sailing partner….. see if that can be switched maybe? Ask her why she thinks it unsafe. I doubt coaches would be pushing that narrative. Can you observe a few sessions from a distance?
Mynplus1throwaway@reddit
How is her swimming? If she is a confident swimmer I could see this quelling her concerns.
chelizora@reddit (OP)
Very good advice. She is not on swim team or anything but is very water competent. The estuary is of course quite cold which feels like a swimming barrier to her.
Mynplus1throwaway@reddit
I would just get her comfortable. Make sure she knows worst case she ends up swimming until a coach can come help.
Maybe get her a whistle or a light to "call for help".
Flat-Opening-7067@reddit
Most programs make time to deliberately tip the boat enough that the crew goes in and has to right the boat. Bit of an ordeal but can be a huge confidence builder if done right.
Tessier_Ashpool_SA@reddit
Great advice. The better I got at swimming, the less fear I had on the water.
gregaustex@reddit
Sounds like she’s repeating what a coach said.
Flat-Opening-7067@reddit
That was my thought. Coach probably trying to make a point and over-stating things a bit (assuming it is a responsible and well-staffed program.) is she saying she doesn’t want to go out?
chelizora@reddit (OP)
Genuine question, do coaches say things like this? And what would be the purpose? They are teenagers…
gregaustex@reddit
I don’t know this program but coaches vary a lot and say all sorts of things. Could be as simple as trying to emphasize safety.
chelizora@reddit (OP)
I honestly really appreciate your time responding because I’m at a total loss. She seems to think her coach is not supporting them enough and feels scared to be on the water. I guess that would contradict the idea that the coach is inspiring fear. I think the fear is rather innate 😅
gregaustex@reddit
Not guaranteed to work, but in cases like this I'd just set a meeting with the coach to ask how it's going...what's working what's not...see what comes up. Then take your concerns from there.
chelizora@reddit (OP)
Should this be the coach (a 17 year old boy) or the director?
gregaustex@reddit
Whoever is most engaged most of the time. You're just learning and investigating a little at this point.
Last_Cod_998@reddit
I don't teach sailing because I don't have the temperment. Sailing should be a positive experience.
If we can't get young people interested in the sport, it will die out.
Simple-Art-5216@reddit
Not good ones… especially if their sailors are nervous. Assuming the opti’s have the buoyancy bags in it’ll never sink. Talk to the coach, 9/10 year olds are still very new to sailing so building confidence should be the priority. Maybe try a different program if it’s not working out
chelizora@reddit (OP)
Thanks. I feel like confidence and fun should absolutely be the priority. But again, with teenage coaches, you get what you pay for I guess? Not that the program isn’t pricey but it would be pricier with professional adult coaches.
Linsten@reddit
Unfortunately, learn to sail in the Bay Area in the Summer is a bit of a trial by fire. Given that, if she is out in the Oakland Estuary it should be comparatively calm.
I would speak to the coach or the coaches supervisor about her experiences. To see if she can get more support or that coach can get more support
Guygan@reddit
As a former instructor, youth coach, and parent of sailing kids:
These are normal beginner things. Have an in-person chat with the instructors or the program director about what happened to give them the feedback about how your kids are dealing with adversity in the boat.
"This too shall pass"
chelizora@reddit (OP)
YOU are awesome! Trying to lean into the “temporary” of it all. It’s hard to see her struggle when I know she could be great
LiveinCA@reddit
Do you have time to just drop by and watch? It doesn’t sound good, and the opposite of what you want for her. Its been a cooler, windier year this year but this sounds like an issue with this year’s coach if there was no problem last year. Before she feels really negative about sailing , Id take her out of the program this year and do some sailing one on one hopefully in a small boat. Take it up again next summer or find a different program this year maybe.
chelizora@reddit (OP)
I do! They’re pretty far out in the estuary, though, so it’s difficult to see how things are going. I know the teenage boy coaches have a reputation for being petty impatient, which I think is part of what she’s experiencing. I really don’t want her to hate sailing 😭
foilrider@reddit
Is it a different venue than last year? More exposed to wind and waves?
chelizora@reddit (OP)
Great question! They are still in the same estuary. Obviously wind conditions change dramatically on a daily basis.