Should I pause my flight training to help my mom after her decision to divorce my dad? I’m mentally and financially overwhelmed.
Posted by No-Yard-1226@reddit | flying | View on Reddit | 21 comments
Hi everyone, I’m 21 and currently working on becoming a pilot. I’ve been training under Part 61 after leaving a bad experience at a Part 141 university flight program that felt more like a money grab than actual training. I left that program at the end of last year and continued training independently with a new instructor who has been amazing and really adapted to my learning pace. I’ve made a lot of progress in the past few months.
But at the same time, things at home have been falling apart. My parents have been fighting constantly for the past four months. It’s been mentally draining and made it really hard to focus or stay motivated. Just recently, my mom told me she’s planning to divorce my dad. She’s been a stay-at-home mom for 30 years and is terrified about starting over — finding housing, paying bills, everything. She told me we have to stand together now and support each other.
I quit my job recently due to how poorly I was being treated, and I’ve been interviewing and applying every day. I just haven’t had luck yet. My sisters want me to get a job ASAP and help financially. I want to support my mom more than anything, but I also don’t want to throw away everything I’ve worked for in flight training. I’ve thought about pausing it — but I’m scared I’ll forget everything or lose my momentum. I’ve worked so hard to get to this point.
My question is: Should I pause flight training completely to focus on stabilizing myself and supporting my mom, or should I try to continue it slowly in the background just to keep things fresh? Any advice — financial, emotional, aviation-related, or otherwise — is welcome. I’m just really overwhelmed, and I don’t know where else to turn. Thank you for reading if you made it this far.
TrowelProperly@reddit
Listen to me, and absolutely think over what I write. You wont agree with it. You may even call me a pig, or soulless, or selfish. Won't matter.
If you go work some minimum wage job, and help the anchor that is your mother and sister, you will maybe be a pilot in your 40s. You think you can just hop back into flight training at a later time with no problem at all a few years down the line? You are fooling yourself.
videopro10@reddit
Well said. 21 is the time to set yourself up for success, not take a shitty job and give up your education because of your parents decisions.
jtyson1991@reddit
What are they fighting about?
No-Yard-1226@reddit (OP)
My dad has been emotionally abusive for as long as I can remember. He cheated on my mom years ago and had kids with another woman overseas. We came to the U.S. and basically told him those kids are his responsibility, not ours. My mom stayed with him for our sake — five kids, I’m the youngest. She always said she’d wait until we were grown or married before leaving. Now, everyone is married except me.
Recently, he came back from his home country and started acting worse — picking fights over small things like dinner or my mom going out, sleeping in another room for months, and being extra controlling of me (even telling me I shouldn’t become a pilot because I’m a girl).
My mom has finally had enough. She told him she wants a divorce. He’s trying to guilt her and suggest a “separation” instead to avoid shame, but she wants out for real. Now she’s scared he might take the house or leave her with nothing, and I’m trying to figure out how to support her while also not completely losing myself in the process.
jtyson1991@reddit
Whoa, that's no bueno. Sorry about that.
See the problem here? If she had left initially she could have rebuilt her life by now. Her choosing to stay doesn't make you responsible for supporting her when you're an adult. Take u/NYPupper's post to heart.
ThurmNathan@reddit
Are your older siblings assisting? If not, why? Don't let them dump all of the stress, financial or otherwise, on you just because it's convenient for them.
ltcterry@reddit
Don’t use debt to pay for Private Pilot training. That’s stupid.
Get a job. Save money. Help your parents. Start flying when you’ve saved the money to pay cash.
Your sisters want you to get a job. What are they doing to help your parents?
Anthem00@reddit
I would add - the mom needs to get a job. It appears the youngest kid is out of the house so she needs to work toward something to help her self.
Anthem00@reddit
It seems like a lot of drama and poor choices. This isn’t going to be pleasant for anyone involved - including you. Even without the parental drama - you need to stabilize yourself. Never should have quit a job until you find the next one. No idea why people do this - including say at cfi level.
First off - your mom can get a job. She is going to need to if she plans on divorcing. Unless she thinks she has a payday with her husband. If she is expecting the rest of you to support her - it’s going to get even uglier.
Perfect_Insurance_26@reddit
Fuck No Baby!
SubarcticFarmer@reddit
Your mom has been married 30 years. She chose to end it now. This is not your responsibility. Honestly if you really want to succeed in flying you probably are better off staying away from the family drama and not trying to be her parent.
Ok-Selection4206@reddit
You should not be the one to financially make sure your mom is ok. You have 4 other siblings. Are they helping her? Emotionally support your mom. Your parents' divorce should not mean you have to give up your dream. Flying might be a welcome distraction from trying to solve the world's problems. If financially you can not afford it now, take a break, but keep focusing on your end goal. Your mom needs to get an attorney.
Dear-Tennis-9375@reddit
If you feel you need take a few weeks off from flying for , both for your own sake and to help your mom you should definitely do it. However, don't stop learning entirely. You should be self studying to keep your ground information fresh and even learn new material. Refer to the Private PPL ACS for the information that you need to know and also YouTube can be a great help I could recommend some channels that helped me through my PPL training I have some study guides I could send you if you're interested. You should also make a list of the maneuvers and procedures you've been learning during your flights and Chair flying these maneuvers and everything else you might do in the plane just chair fly flying from one location to another this can be incredibly helpful for retention. While it's not a substitute for actual flight, it's a valuable way to reinforce what you've learned you're still young and have plenty of time, so prioritize taking time for yourself if you need it.
NYPuppers@reddit
It's easier said than done but dont mix home life and school life... or later on home life and work life. There is little sympathy in the workforce for a guy who had a rough day back at home. You're expected to compartmentalize, show up and work. Use that same mentality for school... if you are training to be a pilot, train to be a pilot. The other stuff is just noise that needs to be tuned out for the \~40-60 hours a week you are dedicating to learning and flying and part time working if need be to pay bills.
That's all just objective truth applicable to any real goal. Follow it or dont, but I promise you that if you dont, there will be one family emergency after another until you are 60 years old working food retail because life just kept getting in the way.
Subjectively...
- you are 21 and an adult. People have all sorts of relationships with their parents, and its great when they are mutually beneficial and it works out. But if it isnt working out, find a mature way to draw a line. Maybe that is moving out, maybe that is having a delicate conversation with your mom, maybe it is just tuning out the noise, etc. But dude... you're 21. Start finding a path to independence.
- nobody wants to be flying with someone that has this childish mentality. Be an adult or don't. If a 13 year old has a rough home life and complains online, that's one thing, but youre 21? just move out.
- you are right that quitting is a huge efficiency loss. if you stop for 6-12 months you will lose a ton of progress, no question.
x4457@reddit
Person first, pilot second. Gotta take care of yourself and your people first and foremost.
OnToNextStage@reddit
Sorry for the horrible situation you’re in, it’s very difficult.
My suggestion depends on your mental and financial state at the moment.
Do you have the mental health and financial resources right now to safely finish your training?
If either of those two things are questionable right now, pause the training. Flight training with the stress of funds and a turbulent home life is just an added burden. And with all that stress piling on the likelihood that you will get anything out of the lessons is slim, so you may be wasting your time and money.
Perhaps try keeping up with the ground study while you sort your other situation out. Use an app such as Dauntless aviation or the like to take practice tests so that the information keeps cycling through your mind.
Just remember your mental and physical wellbeing is more important than flying.
I hope your situation improves.
Mountain-Cut-7708@reddit
Not discounting any caution about mental health issues, from experience, life will not stop when you have a full time flying job. You can deal. Have her move in w you and split living expenses if you are close.
If you want to fly professionally at an airline, everything is seniority based. The faster you can get through training and build time the closer you are to a seniority number.
f1racer328@reddit
How often are you flying right now?
Take 2 weeks off and go fly again and see how you feel.
Mental health is important though, so don't make sacrifices. Take care of yourself before flying. You're still young and have lots of time.
No-Yard-1226@reddit (OP)
Sometimes I purposely ask my instructor for a ground so it’s cheaper so I don’t add to my debt and now I’m trying just to finish all the knowledge rather than fly because my flying is pretty good
No-Yard-1226@reddit (OP)
Thank you for saying that i fly around 1-2 times a week
rFlyingTower@reddit
This is a copy of the original post body for posterity:
Hi everyone, I’m 21 and currently working on becoming a pilot. I’ve been training under Part 61 after leaving a bad experience at a Part 141 university flight program that felt more like a money grab than actual training. I left that program at the end of last year and continued training independently with a new instructor who has been amazing and really adapted to my learning pace. I’ve made a lot of progress in the past few months.
But at the same time, things at home have been falling apart. My parents have been fighting constantly for the past four months. It’s been mentally draining and made it really hard to focus or stay motivated. Just recently, my mom told me she’s planning to divorce my dad. She’s been a stay-at-home mom for 30 years and is terrified about starting over — finding housing, paying bills, everything. She told me we have to stand together now and support each other.
I quit my job recently due to how poorly I was being treated, and I’ve been interviewing and applying every day. I just haven’t had luck yet. My sisters want me to get a job ASAP and help financially. I want to support my mom more than anything, but I also don’t want to throw away everything I’ve worked for in flight training. I’ve thought about pausing it — but I’m scared I’ll forget everything or lose my momentum. I’ve worked so hard to get to this point.
My question is: Should I pause flight training completely to focus on stabilizing myself and supporting my mom, or should I try to continue it slowly in the background just to keep things fresh? Any advice — financial, emotional, aviation-related, or otherwise — is welcome. I’m just really overwhelmed, and I don’t know where else to turn. Thank you for reading if you made it this far.
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