I’m 45 & hate my life

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Free-Preparation4184@reddit

No real advice, but YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

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pit_of_despair666@reddit

Same thing here. Degree and crappy job plus I am single and dating is a nightmare at this age.

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I think it's a nightmare at any age these days. I am diving back into it myself, if I can find the time and energy with a job that, commute time and mandatory long lunch time added, takes over 12 hrs a day...

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pit_of_despair666@reddit

The dating apps are a nightmare in themselves, yes. Also, after I turned 45 I started getting fewer matches (since I am a woman) and as you go up in age people have more baggage.

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Available_Maybe_6510@reddit

I fucking hate the dating apps. All I got were guys who had mommy issues. Right now, all my matches are scammers. But I will have conversations with them since they are the only ones to talk to.

I'm 54 btw

Don’t do it.

The US was deliberately designed as a tyrannical oligarchy/kleptocracy from the beginning, with the unlimited private property rights of the Framers (and their heirs) put permanently above and beyond the reach of the political system.

The book is the best explanation and root-level analysis I have found for how we got to this point, and why the political system will not address the public's actual concerns, let alone allow for working class liberation, no matter who or what people vote for.

The political system was designed to create an enduring oligarchy/kleptocracy from the very beginning, and to thwart both political and economic democracy.

There's no "mistake" in terms of the vast majority of people ("the many") being robbed and brutally subjugated for the interests of the oligarchs/kleptocrats ("the few").

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P_in_sf@reddit

Can you change verticals? I did around your age, went down in salary and now make so much more money and I'm so satisfied with my career. It's ok to change what you're doing.

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Strawberries_Spiders@reddit

The book is the best explanation and root-level analysis I have found for how we got to this point, and why the political system will not address the public's actual concerns, let alone allow for working class liberation, no matter who or what people vote for.

The political system was designed to create an enduring oligarchy/kleptocracy from the very beginning, and to thwart both political and economic democracy.

There's no "mistake" in terms of the vast majority of people ("the many") being robbed and brutally subjugated for the interests of the oligarchs/kleptocrats ("the few").

That's how the system was designed from the beginning.

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torytho@reddit

Can you listen to podcasts while you stare into the void?

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bobbyb503@reddit

Nothing grows in a comfort zone. Reinvent yourself constantly. New job, try something you were scared of before. I’m 52 went from engineering to sales and love it. Get in shape. Travel. All of these bring new people and life.

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Big-Sheepherder-6134@reddit

i'm trying to shift into an art career too.

i have a20 year history of mixed management jobs from non-profit to manufacturing to a niche heating business. then covid happened and i stepped away from the office and got certified in skilled trades. just left that because the company was a nightmare and my body was starting to really struggle.

i just got rejected from the two jobs i wanted most. but im working hard at figuring out how to get into being an artist rep. i have most of the skills they want but i'm missing some key ones, and not sure how to get them.

i've been networking on LinkedIn, it has sorta helped. not a huge payoff yet but it has helped me find tons of agencies worldwide and who does recruiting for some of them.

i'm taking some free online certification courses in digital marketing and advertising, arts management, and sales.

but i'm low on cash and also applying g to literally whatever, just chucking spaghetti at the wall.

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Redheaded_Potter@reddit (OP)

What certifications if you don’t mind me asking? I have a TON of downtime at work right now so I would love to fill it with more than surfing on my phone.

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short_and_floofy@reddit

What exactly are you interested in?

Hubspot and Google have a bunch of different ones. Not all of the Hubspot are free to get the certification but some are. Google courses all cost money.

Coursera has classes as well in a bunch of different things, like a lot. Those cost money if you want the certification. You can audit some for free. I'm waiting to hear about financial aid. Class I'm taking is only $50 but i'm unemployed so...

And I found some random Arts Management courses, both free. One I'm taking now sucks, it's just AI reading a powerpoint. but i'm taking notes , there's some ok info, so i can't take the test and get the certificate. the course crashed halfway through and i'm waiting in customer service to get back to me. i might bail on it if it isn't fixed this week, all the others are better quality and more professional.

I'm taking a marketing class (technically for musicians) for Building Your Artistic Brand. A digital advertising and marketing course through Hubspot. The two arts management courses, and i may take the Goggle digital advertising/marketing course (still need to research their offering a bit more).

all of the courses i'm taking are self- paced whenever you have time. most are about 4-5 hours long, one is 9 hours. the Google course i'm interested in is a 3-6 month commitment at 10 hours/week.

I am interested in the information, I take notes, but I also want those certifications on my resume and LinkedIn. Was in another thread and an HR person was blunt that if they see certifications on your resume vs someone without them, the one with gets picked. Sucks in a way but it shows a commitment to learning.

i'm on my phone, but let me know if you want links to any of this and I'll hop on my computer and send them to you.

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Heat_H@reddit

Maybe you could start a side gig doing art projects for kids/adults at birthday parties. I did that when I started my jewelry business. It’s a great way to do something that you enjoy without a huge financial risk.

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AndyDufresneDidIt@reddit

Use ChatGPT

A good friend of mine has a degree in geology and was hired by a mining company straight out of college. He worked there for 20 years and helped the company go public. Then they laid him off (he was employee #13) along with a bunch of other highly paid people. He's been struggling to figure out what to do next and where his degree is applicable outside of mining/fracking.

Here's what I suggested to him.

Start with a prompt that goes something like "I'm stuck in an industry/job/career that I don't like anymore and I want to make a change." Go into detail about what you currently do and why you don't like it. Go into detail about your current financial situation such as "I have a mortgage and kids' tuition and a car payment, so not having income at any point is not feasible." Go into detail about what skills you have, hobbies, and other details about what makes you happy in life. Tell ChatGPT that you want to explore a new career path that has a high potential to earn you a much larger income, applies to your skills, likes, and dislikes, is in demand, and has stability in the industry, etc. Tell ChatGPT that you want it to work as a career guidance assistant and to help you identify industries and job roles that you'd be a good fit for.

At the end of each prompt, ask it if it understands. This is critical, if you don't it'll start spitting out things before you know for sure it's tracking with what you've provided. It'll repeat what you've typed in giving you a chance to make adjustments.

Once you've provided everything you think is relevant, let it rip. You'll be surprised at what ideas it comes back with. Once you've identified some industries and job types that you feel are a good fit, ask ChatGPT to help you formulate a plan to go after those jobs, reformat your resume, polish your LinkedIn, etc.

fd1Jeff@reddit

It’s not about being locked into a lifestyle, it’s about the potential of winding up with absolutely nothing.

It used to be, but anyone could find some kind of job, and using that find someplace to live somewhere. Nowadays, jobs don’t pay anything, and any sort of housing is tremendously expensive.

And there also aren’t a lot of jobs.

Right there with ya except I’m a few years older. It sucks. I think I was about 45 when it hit me - this is it, this is as far as I’ll ever go (career-wise, lifestyle-wise, etc).

For example, for 20+ years I’d tolerated my mismatched hand me down furniture and somehow expected eventually we’d “make it” and I’d be able to pick out something new myself and have a normal adult home instead of living the poor college student aesthetic. Yeah. That never happened.

I recommend Balatro as a coping/dissociation mechanism.

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Fantastic-League8922@reddit

Seriously, life has ups and downs. It’s tough to navigate. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talk to a minister, a therapist, a counselor or a friend. Know you’re not alone feeling that way. Good luck, man.

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Fearless_Teaching_82@reddit

You’re not broken. You were broken into. And that’s not the same thing.

I didn’t even read the whole post at first. I just saw the title and sat with it. Felt the weight. And I realized something.

You don’t hate your life. You hate that this system made you feel like you were never enough. That no matter how hard you tried, how much you gave, it still felt like you came up short.

That isn’t your fault.

You were told that effort always brings reward. That if you just worked harder, things would get better. But that isn’t how this world really works. The system is built to keep people running on empty and blaming themselves for it.

The truth is, you’ve done a lot. You’ve kept trying. You’re raising your kids in a world that feels like it’s falling apart. That isn’t weakness. That’s strength.

You’re not less because your job pays little or because you feel tired all the time. You’re not less because dating is hard or because things didn’t turn out like they said they would.

You’re still here. Still trying. Still breathing.

And that’s worth something.

You’re not alone. And the shame they planted in you — it doesn’t belong to you. It was never yours. It’s theirs.

You’re not the problem. You’re the proof that people are still trying to make good out of a broken system.

Don’t turn on yourself. You’ve made it this far. And that means you’re not done yet.

You’re allowed to be tired. But you’re also allowed to be proud that you’re still standing.

That means something. You mean something.

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arthurjeremypearson@reddit

You got kids, huh? Nice.

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TerribleTrick@reddit

I'll tell you something I've learned in my just over 50 years on this earth: If you do the same thing everyday, nothing will change. If you expect to just do what you are doing and things will suddenly be different or better, you are wrong. If you want something better, YOU have to try to get it and that's a risk. It may not work out. There's a chance you end up in the same place or worse. But if you keep doing only what you have been doing, there's a 100% chance things will stay the same as they are.

So my advice is : if you want things to be different, figure out what you want and try to make changes to move toward that goal.

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Bubbly-Swimming7357@reddit

We are close in age and I was right where you are about 7 years ago. It was a really deep, bad funk I couldn’t shake. Hated my job, my car, my life, myself to a degree. I had to start believing things could get better and I could make the necessary changes to grown, learn and take calculated risks. I started abandoning beliefs that didn’t serve me, left a religious org I was raised in. Hardest thing I’ve ever done. Lost friendships and connections I’ll never get back, but they weren’t serving me, they were actually killing the person I was supposed to become. Started working out, updated my resume, and believing I could become a better version of me. Spouse supported me, but I got texts from my “old life” telling me I was screwing up, and that I thought too much of myself. They hated my growth, ironically. My life is quantifiably better now after years of accepting complete ownership and taking action forward, even when it’s scary. Sorry if this is preachy or corny, but dang if it didn’t work. I’m still working on improving, loving and betting on myself.

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dbs1183@reddit

Life is too short and you are too young to be in a job you hate

Don’t leave the job without another one lined up

I retired from a career at 49, started another career from 49-59. Sold that business and started my current career at 59 and will retire from here at 67

Life is too short to be miserable.

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theUnshowerdOne@reddit

See and Shrink to get meds and Therapist to talk to that is completely removed from everyone else in your life.

Fix it. Whatever is in your ability to control and fix...then fix.

Money is not the issue, trust me on that. You shouldn't miss if you never had it. I get the want, drop the materialistic.

Learn to appreciate what you already have. Appreciate the connections to people close to you, share in their happiness. Smile as often as possible, even when you're hurting.

Come up with mantra's to state when you wake up for the day, no matter how nonsensical they may seem. Something to help motivate you. I use "F me! I need that doughboy."

Maybe I'm projecting too much here. I've suffered depression for a long time, I even at one point tried to take my life. I'm better now, great in fact. I figured out a lot of what triggered me, learn to avoid all that. Learn to appreciate my life for what it was, the people that were in it. You can fix you! I a total stranger believes in you.

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Quin35@reddit

Do something about it.

I'm out here trying to get my oldest into the local community college, pretending they possibly have a future.

I work two part-time, freelance type jobs and make very little money, so we rely on my partner. Our relationship is not great, but our combined finances mean I can't leave if I wanted to.

I feel trapped, and I've intentionally brought children into this world and inadvertently trapped them too.

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Entropy847@reddit

Let’s start over. First: what were you expecting. Setting proper expectations is important. Work to reinvent yourself every day. If you don’t feel safe and secure with your own decisions, then others will not feel safe and secure. You said it well. You hate YOUR life. If you don’t hate life, then do something about it. If you don’t want to hit the iceberg, you don’t need to jam on the brakes and go 180 degrees the other way. Turn just enough to not hit the iceberg head on.

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gibsonstudioguitar@reddit

I remember about 20 years ago I was had a work injury and my surgeon told me to "just change jobs" oh sure buddy I'll just change jobs. Why don't you go change jobs?

Never easy but you persevere you'll survive

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Atlantean_truth@reddit

Yup same here my friend. I’m in a very similar situation minus a couple things. The world has devolved so rapidly that I can hardly even recognize it anymore. People are different now than they used to be. Everyone walks around angry and depressed now. Nothing makes them happy and everyone is extremely rude and self centered. I’m 51 so of course I as well as you remember life before everyone had their eyes glued to the screens of their devices. I think technology is the main reason this bizarre world. Is so dark now. Who knows but just want to say you are for sure not alone.

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MycologistAny1151@reddit

Im with you man. 🙏🏼

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Advanced-Prototype@reddit

I got you. The problem is that we grew up as punk rockers, defiers of authority. Nobody was going to tell us what to do. But time and complacency has creept into our lives. The key to get back that "FU" attitude that we had as youth. Here are some tips that helped me:

Add some punk to your playlists: The Clash, The Vandals, Dead Kennedys, Iggy Pop, etc.
Rewatch your favorite rebel, punker movie: Repo Man, Mad Max, Joe vs. the Volcano, etc.
write a post on social media but don't use any punctuation that's right no commas no periods and absolutely no semi-colons
Drink a beer in the middle of the day, preferably before noon.
Don't put on the new registration tag on your license plate for a month. F*ck the DMV.
If you get a ticket for expired registration, tell the cop "FuckYouVeryMuch, officer." Say it fast so he doesn't really pick up on it.
Get some punk band stickers off Amazon for your laptop or car. I have a Misfits skull on my Prius.
At the grocery self-check out, use the code 7011 ($0.25 bananas) for avocados ($2.00). Hey, mistakes happen. Write me up.

Start by just making your bed every morning. Then walk 30 minutes a day. Introduce yourself to your neighbor next door. Wrestle with your kid. Get some momentum going.

Our lives are so short and even the richest most powerful person in the world will be dead within a few decades. Don’t try to measure up to anyone else, it’s pointless. Take the life you have, make the most of it, set the bar of expectations lower.

Joy is found in little things.

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majdd2008@reddit

There is only one way to "jump off" and just because you're own suffering would be done... your family's suffering would only multiply exponentially.

You need to focus on the things around you. Do things for progress. Small goals. You have too much free time to dwell then it's time to fill that time. You need to balance work, time with family, and your mental state.

Life is tough with little money... but money doesn't make the majority of people happy.

It's on you to straighten up and do what's right for your family. Maybe that's actively being present when you're around them. Then actively present in your work to either make it better or find something better.

Your resilience is on you... don't search out some mind-altering drug. You have to program yourself. Life is work.

Find your community, real people.... or don't...I tried that and I'm better in solitude with my thoughts and work with the occasional public interaction.

As you’re a younger Xer, you’re kinda fucked. You have inherited the X situational awareness but the millennial economic shite.

My only advice is to try to find anything, even a little thing that can bring you some form of joy.

Also, depending on your ability to access it, look into being diagnosed for depression - not something to ignore.

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Mail_Order_Lutefisk@reddit

Basically if you graduated college before the dotcom bubble imploded you were fine but if you were born like late ‘78 or ‘79 you’ve been reading exclusions on life insurance policies for the past decade or two. The trajectory changes based on that single event are massive.

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BoJangler79@reddit

Im fortunate to be the exception to this. However pre 2018 i was feeling very similar to the OP but then I decided to make some changes and become an 1099/independent contractor. Best decision of my life. I think being a W2 and working for an organization creates to much of a grind. Every day is the same. As a 1099 i have way more flexibility to live my life. Yeah some months I don't make much, but in others I do. It does require discipline though since you dont have the company's guiderails to keep you inline. It was gut wrenching making the change though. I gave up boring certainty for uncertainty and flexibility.

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r3l0ad@reddit

Just turned 45, I get it. I made a post earlier this week about it, I'm going through my midlife reawakening as I'm calling it, involves separation from the wife self-improvement physically and mentally and a lot of exploration into things I care about. But my kids are out of the house and my financial risk is low. I hope you figure it out!!!

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murphydcat@reddit

Let me know. I am in the same boat as you although I am a decade older. I'm overeducated and underemployed. I am too poor to retire, quit or change careers.

My only hope is to win the Jeopardy Tournament of Champions.

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Best_Emu5111@reddit

Same here, buddy looking at off grid living. And now just what you see on YouTube literally waking up every day and just choosing to do whatever, wherever because I’m so tired of the monotony. When I was younger, I never understood homeless people, but after talking to a few throughout life, I sometimes understand because the responsibility of bills and having no way to pay for them and being around an unsupportive family structure, just choosing to be alone walking the streets all day just choosing to create your own happiness Just seems like the way to go. I could be so totally wrong especially since I broke up with the silver spoon but all in all I feel you. Just so frustrating trying to do the right thing and getting nowhere life.

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jRok57@reddit

Normalize Brief and Frequent Retirement!

I have made it a practice to take a year off after working five years. I realize most are not in a position to do this, but if you live below your means, and put as much towards the principle on your mortgage, it is possible.

ruffusbloom@reddit

Try LSD. It’s been helping me reframe existence and soldier on with life since 1986.

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SizeAlarmed8157@reddit

So I have a similar situation. 47, wife, no children (not by choice), Master’s degree, Lied to about the value of the degree, Owe $150,000 in public student loans, Type 1 diabetic, do not own a home, have a 15 year old car that I’ve spent $8,000 in repairing this year. Granted I love the car, but that’s not money I have.

I was going to just try and have a simple life. Nothing crazy: good job, work hard, love my wife, have a couple of kids, and try to retire when I’m 75.

Instead, I have this mess of a life. Wife and I lost five pregnancies, with the last one being a molar (think cancer). I will never retire. I will never remove those loans until I’m dead, and I’ve drug a loving woman down with me. She deserves better.

I live in a 2 bedroom apartment, 1,000sqft in Kansas. No chances for better paying jobs in my field due to my age, starting my own business is going to be impossible because I have no assets or savings, so yeah. You want to talk about being stuck?

You have a legacy. You have children whose lives you can improve and put better values with.

The legacy I’m trying to leave is with the American Rocketry Challenge, and helping kids learn how sciences can help them make greater critical decisions, plus try and earn scholarships at the same time. I work from 5:30 in the morning until 8pm most days.

No amount of effort is going to pull me past what’s happened. Doing what I can to make sure no one else falls into the same life I’ve had. No one deserves to live like this.

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Majestic_Course6822@reddit

We moved to a small town and found jobs with the municipality and the long term care facility. Ditched the city and the career chase last year and couldn’t be happier. Our friends asked us why we were moving and we just said ‘fresh start’. We got a lot of wistful head nods and people repeating the words ‘fresh start’. Now that we’re settled we are going to start trying to get some friends to follow us out here.

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l1vefrom215@reddit

lol america is sold to the lowest bidder but belize is your answer? in belize you're the lowest bidder so it's okay huh?

gif

Lots of them want to be in your shoes .... So count your blessings and grow up

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AlliopeCalliope@reddit

1) Studies show the 40s are the least happy, and things get better in decades to come.

2) Last summer I was hanging out with a longtime group of friends at a backyard pool and I was saying that it would just be nice to not wake up one day. I was like, "you know what I mean? It's just such a hassle." And they were all like, "Uh, no, I like being alive. I don't want to die." And that was the moment I realized I was suicidal and needed to change things.

I tend towards depression and have had treatment in the past... But this passive ideation was new and I figured I had nothing to lose so I should give myself a chance.

I won't say the choices I made but these are the questions I asked myself that led to positive change:

*What if nothing ever changed in my relationships, home, hobbies, every life category? Do I have the power to change any of these things with any step, however small?

*What habits can I stop doing now that are creating more anxiety and depression?

One summer later, I no longer wish for death in my sleep. I have things I'm looking forward to and I can genuinely say I like being alive.

It is possible! These midlife internal screams are an invitation to hit the reset button.

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Peugeot531@reddit

Press on through, keep going. I found the late forties to be the toughest with all the stresses and pressures but you can’t stop. As you start to see your family mature and your children take on more individual responsibility and start their own families then it will make some sense.

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hermitzen@reddit

I have found that one sure cure for depression is helping others, or doing something that improves the world in a tangible way. Being of service gives you a purpose. Working with others to complete a project in service to others.

I volunteered for an organization that put on a hot air balloon festival to raise money to grant wishes for terminally and chronically ill children. It was an effort that literally took all year to pull off. The day after the event, we had to begin planning for the next year. Nobody was an expert in anything, or especially talented. We were all just regular people putting on this extraordinary event that helped kids who are suffering to experience some level of happiness. And not only that, the community loved it. It made a lot of people happy! I tell you, the high you get from working with others for a good cause is amazing!

46M here. Exercise and sleep are key. If you are not doing either of those then things will not change. Your dopamine is tanked. Do you have any vices like sweets or other things that give you a sense of enjoyment or happiness? Those can replace things that used to make you happy and give you the dopamine kick those things used to. If you do, stop! You don’t want that. It’s a vicious cycle. I know exactly how you feel. It’s not easy but you CAN do it.

One stereo typical sports car coming up. /j

tl/dr: maybe try a new hobby. Horseback riding, volunteer at a homeless shelter, or animal shelter.

Emergency-Prompt-@reddit

This is solid but it made me laugh, I cut out people and carbs and life is better 😂. Reminds me of the scene in Barfly.

Wanda Wilcox: I can't stand people, I hate them. Henry: Oh yeah? Wanda Wilcox: Do you hate them? Henry: No, but I seem to feel better when they're not around.

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updatedprior@reddit

Comparison is the thief of joy. It seems as though you have figured out how to minimize opportunities for comparison. Being comfortable with your own thoughts is key.

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No_Lengthiness1550@reddit

Absolutely great pointers! Especially trying not to change everything and everyone!

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Prudent-Proof7898@reddit

I could have written this. This is how I started to manage some of the same feelings this year. It has made a world of difference. I suffer from bipolar 2, so tuning out any stressors and outside noise helps immensely.

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IAmTrulyConfused42@reddit

Life happiness is a U curve. Not minimizing your suffering but you, and it entire generation, are not alone.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/head-quarters/2015/jun/24/life-happiness-curve-u-shaped-ageing

https://medium.com/a-good-life/the-u-curve-of-happiness-3342b020f06d

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meh_ninjaplease@reddit

Like others said get a hobby. I found 3d printing and it’s awesome. I have two 3d printers now and want another

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Various-Pitch-118@reddit

I started a graduate program right around then, jumpstarted a new career and it's helped a lot. I also feel like I helped my brain health by tackling a new academic subject after being out of school for decades

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TheRealBlueJade@reddit

It's really a pretty common stage many people must face and work through.

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om_hi@reddit

45 too. Same job situation. Kid is in an accelerated school and I don't want to move him since schools like his aren't common. If it was just me, I would've been moved outta the country and been flying by the seat of my pants. Job prospects in the area aren't plentiful and given the economy it's not the time to just willy nilly, fingers crossed hope I find something. I feel pretty stuck.

Graduated honors at 43 for a change into a new career I could be proud of… protecting our water systems. It’s interesting. It pays great. Benefits are badass. Working for my city. Serving my community. From bartending to civil service. I’m proud of what I do for a living for the first time ever pretty much… But I had to keep going… I needed to. Even with the awareness that any major changes I needed weren’t going to be immediate, it would take time.

It made me a better person, father, co-parent, community member, etc…

So I guess my advice is lock into the kiddos… understand and accept that any real change will take time and will not be felt immediately, not usually… find something that interests you and flat out just go for it. And keep going until you get it. Cus first thing you know you have done the thing and opened a massive door to your life. Regardless of what that thing is… set it in your sights and go. Whether it’s jiu jitsu, rock climbing, a new hobby… or a career change… just set it in motion. Life can fucking suck… and shit is all on fire… so I get the apathy 100%… I’m with ya… but do t give in or give up. Ask for help when it’s too much. You’re the chef of your life homie… if what you’re cooking isn’t tasting good enough remember that you hold the spices . Sprinkle some of that soul spice in and see what happens! Keep yer head up. Peace.

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NCC-1701-1@reddit

During my survival phase I didnt look any further ahead than the next weekend. The future me would handle what came after that. My pleasurss were very simple such as taking great interest in everything my kid was doing, making my favorite foods from my youth which happened to be simple and cheap, and pick up basketball. Only focus on getting through this day as best you can and dont let your health habits go to crap. If you can save just a small amount of 401k then do it as you will be surprised at what 20 years of compounding will do.

Hope that helps.

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Sufficient_Focus4174@reddit

I’m not trying to sound cold, but I have always lived by this and I think we are all old enough to know it’s true. You get the life you choose. Decisions you made throughout life inevitably led you to the place you are in today. The good news is that you are surrounded by services (online/in person) that are there to help people in similar situations whether it be mental, financial, etc. it’s on you to utilize them, get back into a positive mind frame, and proceed on to better job opportunities and a happy life. You only get one shot at this, you can’t change the past, but you can damn sure start reshaping your future this very second to get you on the path to happiness. It takes work, pain, and sometimes a complete lifestyle change, but damn if it’s not worth it! Put in the work and earn the happy life you deserve.

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asj-777@reddit

I'm about 10 years older than you and I would just say that if I were 45 again, I would definitely put some effort into changing jobs if you hate yours. It feels like the market looks at you differently once you're in your mid-50s.

Also, I get the dismay, but where I live I see a lot of people who are way worse off than I am, so in the end I do have to be thankful that I have a roof over my head and food on the table. And even though I don't make a shit-ton of money, my job is stable for now so I at least know that the roof/food will continue for the foreseeable future.

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Ok_Schedule5017@reddit

You’re not alone. Last year, I moved 8 hours away from the general area where I have lived most of my life. Last month, I got a new phone number and I’m phasing the one out that I have had since 2003. We recently moved into a new rental. Once everything is finally put away, I’m going to learn to crochet. I’ve always wanted to learn and feel dumb that I don’t know how. In the meantime, doing the daily grind to get the pennies.

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thirtyone-charlie@reddit

I started volunteering. I found that helping others makes me happy. I also met a bunch of fine people that like to help people and made solid connections

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Finding_Way_@reddit

Find something healthy that brings you joy. Start small:

A new hobby (kayaking, working out, chess club,...)

Travel (some short day trips, planning a bigger one)

Volunteering (helping a population you feel sympathy for: elderly, disabled, animals, nature)

Social or church group (finding 'your people ')

Taking classes for fun learning something you want to learn (golf, Spanish, history, motorcycle riding,)

A pet (rescue a dog, cat,...)

Therapy or lifecoach (free with your EAP)

Feed your whimsy. I play guitar. I make music. I collect toys. I like video games. At 48, I am thankful for my tiny empire, but I wouldn't have been able to maintain my sanity through the decades without feeding my whimsy frequently - it's that part of you that keeps you young and passionate.

NoFisherman3801@reddit

What’s the hobby if you don’t mind me asking?

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Thedustyfurcollector@reddit

Congratulations!

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barker2495@reddit

I'm 44 and felt exactly the same. I tried therapy, antidepressants, etc. The only that works for me is smoking weed. Not trying to promote self-medicating, but when you've tried everything else...

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judgehood@reddit

Are all these responses real?

Op Asked for help in finding a way to find MONEY and happiness and stability. Career advice, financial advice.

This sub is responding:

“Go take a vacation. Take some time off. Go spend thousands of dollars and it will come to you”. Fucking moronic advice.

This sub is the worst of Gen X. I am fully convinced it is boomers in denial.

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tubularfool@reddit

If it's any consolation I have no degree, a good job and salary and I hate my life too.

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MienaLovesCats@reddit

💔

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JettaRider077@reddit

I’m almost 54 and started a new career path last year. It was a big step and I’m still here and moving forward. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

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mongoose@reddit

You know what is worse than what you just said? Having a job you want and lots of money and still feeling the same way.

Fun fact: most people won't live to 90. Nobody has a future.

Except people who learned how to escape death.

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fnbannedbymods@reddit

Go find nature...it will help

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JettaRider077@reddit

I second this. Walk barefooted, at the park or the beach.

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2_Bagel_Dog@reddit

This is over 10 years old but is a pretty good (relevant) read:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/12/the-real-roots-of-midlife-crisis/382235/

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The_Info_Must_Flow@reddit

Don't worry...

we've all just been wiped clean and stuck in a false world so that advanced yet evil beings can siphon off our emotional energy so that they can exist forever in their black hole/static universe.

*allegedly

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StillC5sdad@reddit

You don't jump off. You've described who we are. We deal with it.

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justisme333@reddit

Start applying for new jobs.

You only get more money by switching.

Don't be a boomer and stay loyally underpaid with one boss.

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badgerpunk@reddit

You've got a degree and a shitty job, and you're 45. It could be worse. I'm over 50 and have neither, and there are tons of Americans who have it way worse than I do. I'm not discounting your struggle, I swear. No bullshit, try starting a little gratitude practice. I need to work on mine, too. Like 5 minutes a day will really help with our perspectives. There's real science to back that up, too. It's not just happy hippie horseshit.

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jefftatro1@reddit

By garage job, I'm assuming mechanic. Could you start a business fixing cars at people's houses? Get a van and equip it with your tools? I started by breaking free of my boss (contractor), got a van, then put a wrap on the sides advertising $99 ceiling fan replacement. It took no time, (like 8months) to become a full handyman service.

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JoePan40@reddit

Check out Sailing with Phoenix on YouTube. He felt the same way about his life.

He eventually took some magic mushrooms, had a good trip, and just said Fuck it!

He cashed out his 401k, quit his job, and bought a Sailing boat. He taught himself everything he needed to know about Sailing and survival.

He made a plan to sail his boat from Oregon to Hawaii and created his social media pages and filmed his journey. Just him Oliver and his cat Phoenix. Hence Sailing with Phoenix.

He faced all his fears or objections he had and created a pathway to do things he was uncomfortable doing. He says he's an awkward dude and has a fear of socializing with people and filming himself.

About 24 days at sea and posting his videos daily he sailed into Hawaii with over 1 million new friends that followed his story and journey with 100s of people welcoming him to Hawaii.

Now he's in Hawaii for the next 7 months until he sets sail to his next destination. He's living his best life now Ryan he thought was impossible.

I'm your age and feel the same as you. People like Oliver who just say fuck it and just go for it give me hope and determination to do the same.

We are only as stuck as our unwillingness to do something new or fresh or even drastically different!

The1971Geaver@reddit

Your groove has become a rut. Break out.

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Smooth_Value@reddit

And, sell your shit and live out of whatever (RV, hotels, work at farms, for food and shelter, do what you like and travel. Let the kids see the world, they learn shit outthere that matters.

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Smooth_Value@reddit

I've thought about this. WM52 Naturalized. I landed on this "find the best way of being poor". I've walked away from countries, corporations, relationships, and family. All more than once. Figured it was time to settle down. Well, fuck me in the liver, the whole plan is fucked now. At this point, there is a very low chance of retiring or becoming wealthy. I started liking the place after 26 years. For me, it's nature, learning, and interesting people [the lady and my cat]. I just watched 13 on Netflix; it's about BLM and racism. However, it isn't; it explains why and how we got here, with both parties. we can stop this stupid shit right now and say "Fool me once,,,fool me twice, well , you just cant be fooled again! and start 4 parties before next election. and meanwhile strip the president of all power.

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25Migg@reddit

Like Dr Seuss says: “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”

Best of luck in the direction you choose!

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Alycion@reddit

I was thrown on disability in my mid 30’s for lupus and some other things. So I went through this a little early. After the early heart attack, I decided to just live life. I took up surfing. Bucket list thing I wanted to do as long as I could remember. Never made time to do it.

What have you wanted to do but never made time for? Go do it. It makes you feel like you can do anything and it may give you the kick to start working your way out of the rut.

Therapy can help too. You have the answer. You just haven’t let it surface yet. It can help you find it.

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JR_RXO@reddit

Damn!!!!😓😓😓😓😓

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HGFantomas@reddit

Get a hobby. It helps.

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stickybond009@reddit

Got trapped into soul-curdling job?

You got a decade or two left before your body and mind starts showing up. You got two kids to take care of and to leave something behind for them if not in material terms but in terms of inspiration, legacy or at least a platform.

Currently what would you write your imaginary obituary as?

What are you gonna do jumping jobs or moving places? All you get is a faster mule?

NVJAC@reddit

You gotta make a move. And I get it, if you have a high-stress but garbage job, it can be super tough to get up the motivation to look for something better.

I was 49, working in a dying industry for an asshole boss who fired me 3 years ago (he'd already run off all but one other person in our department in the year before that). It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Now I'm in a totally different industry, using the same skills I used in the dying industry but making more money than I ever did. I get to work full-time remote, with people who are all easy to get along with.

You know you want something different, but it's up to you to find what "different" is. And if it's hard to motivate yourself to break out of the funk, think of the satisfaction you'll get telling them to take their job and shove it.

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Thedustyfurcollector@reddit

That's really cool

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wubrotherno1@reddit

Only you can make it better, no one else!

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Good_With_Tools@reddit

Move! We did this 13 years ago. My wife had a shit job. Mine was going nowhere. I scored a transfer to a different city to start over. We blew up our credit. We short-sold our house. We got rid of everything we didn't need. It took a few years to recover, but we did. Now, we are making 4x what we did in our old city. We have more friends now. My son's education was better in every measure.

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Natural_King2704@reddit

Suck it up, buttercup. J/K. When I was in that funk, I quit my job and moved to the Gulf. My kids were grown, though. You definitely need to do something different. Take a vacation. Go somewhere new. Best form of detox . Shit ain't just going to miraculously get better. You have to make it better. Degrees aren't shit anymore. I use mine for a dartboard (Biomedical Technician). I started doing leatherwork. Started going to renfaires. Did something out of the ordinary

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