I need a WHOLE goddamned paper towel!
Posted by melatonia@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 62 comments
I was trying to cleam my bathroom today and kept pulling off these. . . fucking serviettes , one after another despite my efforts to cajole the thing into dispensing me a good old fashioned square foot of paper towel. Don't get me wrong, from a environmental waste-reduction standpoint, destroying the design of the paper towel was an excellent move. I applaud every step humanity takes to distract ourselves as we slowly cook to death in a morass of our own compost. But I was cleaning a toilet, which is a job that requires full coverage.
I understand that you can't go home again; I'm only hoping here that there's someone left out there who remembers and mourns the paper towel as I do.
Fulghn@reddit
I took one of those that was partially used up, cut it in half on my chop saw, and it now fits perfecting in my truck center console. I've had several folks remark, OMG where do you buy those?!
melatonia@reddit (OP)
Do you want to be part of the problem or part of the solution, young man?
Fulghn@reddit
I gonna be the whole problem!
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/GBKsfJGY7E8
melatonia@reddit (OP)
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
ProtozoaPatriot@reddit
I miss patterned paper towels. Remember all the cool artwork? Fruit. Geometric designs. Crazy stuff.
Now no paper towels have color. Such a drab existence
majin_chichi@reddit
Geese. So many paper towels with geese
XerTrekker@reddit
I still have half a Costco pack of Bounty with leaf designs on them from just before the pandemic. They’re thinner than the plain white ones, so a roll lasts longer. I mainly use the plain ones, just saving the fancy ones to use a roll maybe once a year, and remember the old days!
melatonia@reddit (OP)
Yeah. . . MacDonalds. Blue Unicorns. YinYangs. Homer Simpsons.
Oh wait, that was a different kind of paper.
Skeptikell1@reddit
Wat watty you forgot the dots
WeAreAllMycelium@reddit
I had some cool plant designs on my second to last papertowels. I was surprised, Instacart chose it.
HammerT4R@reddit
They still had those maybe six or seven years ago. Definitely everything went generic white in 2020 due to supply chain issues.
shotsallover@reddit
People have dye allergies. That’s why they’re gone from paper towels and toilet paper.
Emunahd@reddit
I pay extra for decorated paper towels from Sparkle (brand) for this reason. They make me happy.
TRIGMILLION@reddit
I buy the store brand ones from Meijer because they're cheapest and they have some kind of blue and pink design printed all over them.
LatkaGravas@reddit
Use a goddamned flamethrower like the rest of us do.
pjhk75@reddit
Crazy thing is that you can still buy full-size paper towels. No need to mourn.
i__hate__you__people@reddit
We consider paper napkins an antiquated boomer thing. We go out of our way to get the good paper towels with lots of perforations because those are perfect for use as a single night’s dinner napkin.
StOnEy333@reddit
Just to clarify, we’re complaining because it’s too hard to pull multiple paper towels to meet your spill needs?
melatonia@reddit (OP)
The old way was better! If I need a smaller piece of towel I can rip it in half myself, young person.
StOnEy333@reddit
I don’t know who you’re referring to when you say young person, but in that same respect if you want a bigger towel you can just choose to rip it at the perforation you choose. And if you’re saying that you can easily split a large paper towel in half while in the roll, then gramps you are either fooling yourself or senile. Either way, whatever works best for ya! We are the who gives a shit generation, and when it comes to paper towel size, who gives a shit!
WastelandOutlaw007@reddit
Now that they come in half sizes, I'm aware of how much waste I was having with a full size one
Add in its easy to get double if needed, one of best improvements to paper towels, since they first came out
eLishus@reddit
Yeah this is the biggest “old man yells at cloud” moment. The “half size” is perfect for most day to day needs. And if you need two to make a full-size, just take two. It’s not that complicated.
melatonia@reddit (OP)
I honestly have no idea why I was having such a hard time not ripping them at the midway point from where I wanted. The perforations were overwhelming me, I swear it. I guess I'm just too old and feeble to be permitted to manipulate the paper towel roll on my own. I felt so powerless.
The only thing I can compare it to is. . . have you ever been in a public restroom with one of the stingy-ass toilet paper dispensers that will only let you pull off a single sheet at a time? It was like that. When you're really up against THE MAN with your ass out and he won't let you have the paper you NEED.
eLishus@reddit
Now THAT I 100% concur with. Those damn dispensers that try to save a few cents by giving you 3” of towel - lol.
I was mostly just ribbing anyway. When these types of towels first debuted like two decades ago, my cousin loudly and regularly complained about how small they were. She’s not the sharpest knife, so we had to explain to her she could just take two - her eyes lit up in amazement as this total never occurred to her. 😂
Invasive-farmer@reddit
If they really cared about the waste of paper they'd have those rolls of towels that roll back up the used portion for laundering like the gas stations used to when we were kids.
Big Towel just made you think you were making an improvement and helping the earth by buying paper towels that are perferated in smaller sections. But the need doesn't half. You still need the same amount of paper to do a job.
17megahertz@reddit
Big Towel, I'm cracking up. Thanks, I needed that!
Excellent_Budget9069@reddit
Gah every time my old roommate needed a paper towel he would pick up the whole roll and unwrap about 5. My mom used to do this too. I like the half sheets. That being said now I use paper towels dispenser towels (white not the brown). I got in the habit when Covid first hit and they were the only paper towels I could find. None in stores I found them on Amazon. Same with toilet paper. All I could find was a whole carton of Scott individually wrapped rolls. I still buy toilet paper this way too. It saves money--or it would if my current roommate would quit sneaking rolls.
melatonia@reddit (OP)
Well, now that's just ridiculous. You clearly aren't going to use the paper that's on the backside of your hand.
kevbayer@reddit
Bounty still has the full size, but the half size are usually stocked more.
Futrel@reddit
F the haters; I'm with you OP
melatonia@reddit (OP)
Your support means so much to me!
Futrel@reddit
Let's think of each other when we go for two but just get one
melatonia@reddit (OP)
We need to stick together in these trying times.
Emunahd@reddit
I’m just here because you used the word “serviette.” Well done.
melatonia@reddit (OP)
Thank you! I was pretty proud of myself <3
Emunahd@reddit
As you should be.
XerTrekker@reddit
I like the half size because I mainly use them as napkins. If I need to clean up cat barf, I’m grabbing at least 3-4 of them anyway.
I do kinda miss them having cute designs printed on them.
Kpop_shot@reddit
I hear ya. If you’re cleaning with paper towels, that 4X4 inch square ain’t going to cut it! 1 finger print smudge on the refrigerator, okay that’ll get. An actual mess, NOPE, I need more.
melatonia@reddit (OP)
The pissy thing is I wasn't even using paper towels for the whole cleaning job. I pantomime the environmental stuff with the best of them- I use a scouring pad and sponges for most of my cleaning and paper towel is usually at the end just to dry off and capture any wayward gunk. But the TOILET?! I need a fuckwad of disposable tree for that.
Kpop_shot@reddit
Oh get ya. Plenty of layers between you and toilet gunk!
melatonia@reddit (OP)
I just need one, unbroken layer. Is that too much to ask for?
Kpop_shot@reddit
Unfortunately in this day and age, yes, yes it is. There are probably some people that think cleaning the toilet is a gross abuse of the environment. LOL
Bloody_Mabel@reddit
r/firstworldproblems
Extension_Excuse_642@reddit
Ha. I love the half size. If I need a regular size I take 2 at once.
Futrel@reddit
Dude, they're more than half size. That's how they getcha. One is too small, two is too big.
YOMAMACAN@reddit
I accidentally bought the full size one month and I was pissed. 😂
MonoBlancoATX@reddit
Why are you using a paper towel to clean a toilet?
There's your first mistake.
dspip@reddit
I have a Costco membership simply for their paper towels. /s
vajrasana@reddit
Pepperidge Farm remembers…
cricket_bacon@reddit
Fuck yeah they do.
kobuta99@reddit
I love the half size too. I rarely needed a while payer towel, and for bigger messes, I used towels or mops.
Driftingn00b@reddit
I feel you, brother.
Diela1968@reddit
If you think paper towels were cut in half so that it would save the environment I envy your naivetee. They just wanted to say they had 365 sheets in the package and yet only pay for the paper for half that.
Flat_6_Theory@reddit
I love the half sizes. Keep one folded in my pocket to cover a range of issues and messes on the go.
Ok_Perception1131@reddit
Agree
InsectAggravating656@reddit
I use rags, wash and reuse
melatonia@reddit (OP)
I use scouring pads, sponges, brushes, etc for most of my cleaing. But when I need to use a whole paper towel, I want a whole goddamned paper towel.
NoKing9900@reddit
You needed “The Quicker Picker Upper”
Magik160@reddit
While I love the half sizes, Ill just wrap it around my arm to unroll what I need. Havent had a roll on a roller probably ever.
melatonia@reddit (OP)
Oh I don't have a paper towel holder. But for some reason I keep getting these little slices and it's pissing me off!
RealSignificance8877@reddit
It all washes off.
MaximumJones@reddit
Fuck the man. Now that they make paper towels cut in half I use four instead of two.
No way I am getting toilet gunk on my hands.