What do you regard as the coldest UK sports banter?

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Honest_Cricket9454@reddit

You know it was a decade ago, yeah? Let it go big man…

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Honest_Cricket9454@reddit

Tyson Fury in the build up to his fight with Klitschko:

“On Saturday night, this Klit is gonna get licked!”

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big_ry82@reddit

Everyone fucking cringed at the time. It was terrible patter.

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Honest_Cricket9454@reddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/Boxing/comments/168i3xb/probably_the_greatest_put_down_in_boxing_history/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

“Everyone fucking cringed” 🤦🏻‍♂️

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Icy_Meringue_5534@reddit

This goes beyond banter.

Rushden and Diamonds keeper, Dale Robert's girlfriend was known to have been having an affair with Robert's team mate Paul Terry.

Visiting fans took to chanting about this behind Robert's goal.

Robert's ended up taking his own life by hanging.

Sometimes, fans can misjudge the situation.

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ComedySquad@reddit

Gordon Strachan had a few funny comments but my favourite was when a reporter asked him for "a quick word", he replied "Velocity" & carried on walking

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heywhatwait@reddit

Another commentator post-match "Where did it go wrong today?" Strachan points and says "Over there on the pitch"

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"A reporter asked Strachan about a player named Agustin Delgado, to which Strachan replied, "I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to eat, the expiry date is today. That's my priority,"

Another belter of his!

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ExpensiveFig4670@reddit

When he was playing at Leeds he used to live in a village called Bardsey near me and he'd drink in the Wellington Inn on Wetherby Road. At the same time I was a glass collector that hated football, so I'd often "collect" his pint, when he was having a piss. 😂
It was Top Banter.

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heywhatwait@reddit

That is brilliant 😁

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pajamakitten@reddit

Sounds like something a character in a Richard Osman book would say.

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Highway62@reddit

Apparently Fergie said to Strachan at Aberdeen: "Gordon you're the best player in the country. You're shite in the city, but the best in the country" or something like that 😂

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Important_March1933@reddit

God I bet Joe was satisfied saying this. I was actually in Vegas at the time of this fight, I didn’t have a ticket as I was leaving just before but I was there at the weigh in, which was quite low key. The amount of shit Joe had was unreal from the Americans, some of the stuff that was said to him I’m not typing. He just grinned and took it but looked calm and self assured. They really thought Hopkins would ko him early. For Joe to muller him was just amazing and so satisfying to watch.

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ooh_bit_of_bush@reddit

I really liked the Everton fan who bought thousands of blue flares, relabelled them as red flares and sold them to Liverpool fans for their title celebration.

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JunFanLee@reddit

Except it wasn’t thousands it was a few, and Liverpool fans repaid the favour at the last game at Goodison

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TonyOrangeGuy@reddit

I think that was an AI generated image tbh, never saw any footage or any other angles of that one and not a single person witnessed it.

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Emergency_72@reddit

I saw a few blue ones in person as the bus went up passed the fiveways.

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Substantial_Nose_379@reddit

You’ve asked everyone? Props for the investigation

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PaulaDeen21@reddit

Yeah but just doing it back is just lame.

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Lisbian@reddit

This is literally all a Man United fan has to cling onto from this disaster of a season. How far you’ve fallen.

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GianFrancoZolaAmeobi@reddit

Take the L my friend, you'll feel better when you realise it isn't the end of the world.

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PaulaDeen21@reddit

You’ve read my comment and gone on my page to see who I support and I’m the one that’s fallen?

Mate.

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Lisbian@reddit

I support Leyton Orient. There are no winners in this conversation.

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PaulaDeen21@reddit

I didn’t ask who you support? It doesn’t matter who you support… that’s totally irrelevant.

What Everton fans did was absolutely hilarious, end of.

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watchman28@reddit

Coming onto a thread about footie banter and getting upset at footie banter. It's an unconventional approach, I'll give you that.

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adeo54331@reddit

This cracked me up man, thank you

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theieuangiant@reddit

Mate it doesn’t matter who you support that’s objectively hilarious, you’ve got to give credit where it’s due that’s the whole point of the banter in the first place.

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pajamakitten@reddit

Even the bloke who did it admitted it was a few thousand.

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DownrightDrewski@reddit

Salty scouser spotted.

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PandaPrimary3421@reddit

He's not a scouser, he's a kopite. Big difference

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DownrightDrewski@reddit

You'll have to explain that for me and rest of the population that think Birmingham is verging on North.

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PandaPrimary3421@reddit

A scouser is someone from Liverpool, the city.

A kopite or a red is someone who supports Liverpool the football club.

Alot of people are both granted, but the op definitely isn't, he's a wool of the highest calibre

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DownrightDrewski@reddit

I've just edited my comment, I understand what a scouser is - kopite is a word I've never heard though, and it's pretty fucked up when you check what is means.

https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/Kopite

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PandaPrimary3421@reddit

Where I'm from in Liverpool, kopite to us just means a Liverpool fan, same as a "red" to be fair. It's not really a derogatory term.

I was quite surprised when I read that.

You can't always trust what you read on them sites.

The scouser thing is one of my pet peeves!

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robowns87@reddit

Classic case

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DownrightDrewski@reddit

Possible head case too.

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NoceboHadal@reddit

I love that there's a shopping district in Liverpool called, Liverpool One. Everton opened a store there and called it Everton 2, so the address is.

Everton 2, Liverpool One.

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UltimateGammer@reddit

That's class.

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IronSkywalker@reddit

Literally every single Liverpool fan thought it was absolutely quality banter too. Properly captured the spirit of harmless shithousery

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banananey@reddit

It's like the England fans breaking spaghetti in front of Italian fans. Drunk dickheads always make the news but there's plenty of good-natured stuff too.

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stupidlyboredtho@reddit

there’s a shot of a blue flair as the lfc bus drove in and the LFC instagram admins went out their way to either photoshop it red or crop it out. Had me dying when they uploaded it.

We got our lick back on the last day of goodison anyway 😭. Love that shit me.

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Eltothebee@reddit

I’m sure Liverpool fans did it back to Everton for their last home game of the season at goodinson

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Ill-Breadfruit5356@reddit

Calling Kenny Lunt Lenny was pretty good

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OriginalComputer5077@reddit

And there's Colin.

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nafregit@reddit

and you can bring your dinner

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PriorCauliflower8469@reddit

And you can pair up if you like

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nafregit@reddit

how can anything be better than this, John Sitton is the Archbishop of Banterbury.

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RaymondBumcheese@reddit

You’re never beating Andy Gorman getting ‘there’s only two Andy Gorams’ chanted at him after the press revealed he had schizophrenia.

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el_duderino_316@reddit

The Anti Niemi one up there was good, too. "He's not finished, he's 28!"

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bluejackmovedagain@reddit

I always enjoyed Birmingham City's "he used to be shite, but now he's alright, walking in a Heskey wonderland".

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Bellimars@reddit

Birmingham City singing "A spoonful of sugar makes Gary Mabbutt go down" to the diabetic Gary Mabbutt.

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CarpeCyprinidae@reddit

thats surprisingly difficult to actually sing...

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Bellimars@reddit

Haven't you heard the song "A spoonful of sugar" from Mary Poppins?

https://youtu.be/_L4qauTiCY4

Believe me, it works.

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CarpeCyprinidae@reddit

of course I have, even know all the words

its just trying to sing makes Gary Mabbutt with the same timing as *helps the medicine" - not easy

too many plosive sounds in a very short period of time.

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Bellimars@reddit

I hammer no problem but I'm from the Midlands, maybe it's a accent thing.

shrugs

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bluejackmovedagain@reddit

It seems fine to me too. I think the trick is having an accent where Gary is effectively one syllable.

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CarpeCyprinidae@reddit

if I call him Gareemabutt it works more easily

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Proof_Car2125@reddit

Similarly Fulham fans singing about their own

"When the ball hits your head,

But you're sat in row Z,

That's Zamooooora

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a3poify@reddit

This one traveled with him to QPR as well. Came in handy when he got us promoted in 2014

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CrossCityLine@reddit

We’ve been shouting “WWWHOOOOO” after our tannoy announcer fake struggles through the pronunciation of player’s names at every opposition substitution for nearly 30 years and it still winds fans and players up.

Was funny back in the Prem days when it was like:

“Replacing number 18… Paul Sc… Schools?”

“WHOOOOOOO?”

“Is number 7…. David Peckham??”

“WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO??‽‽?”

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modfever@reddit

Link for anyone curious. Such an intimidating ground on its day when all the loons are in full voice.

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bluejackmovedagain@reddit

I remember yelling who at Beckham back in the day. Plus the inevitable follow up of "sponsored by Hollywood Signs".

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CrossCityLine@reddit

Electronic-Net-5494@reddit

Agreed not heard of anything so brutally funny

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xtemperaneous_whim@reddit

Except that it's not funny because schizophrenia is not multiple personality disorder.

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PandaPrimary3421@reddit

That's what makes it funny.

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xtemperaneous_whim@reddit

Absolutely hilare

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PandaPrimary3421@reddit

You are a bit dense aren't you

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altkotch@reddit

Schizophrenia literally means split mind as that was what they originally thought was going on. We've moved forward with our understanding but it works for a joke.

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InfiniteDjest@reddit

I love etymology. When you look at the word it’s simple - schiz as in schism, phren from the Greek for mind.

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Electronic-Net-5494@reddit

Your funny and mine are obviously different.

I for one have friends who share the most brutal humour and we just get rack other.

I hate some of the bad language tragedy chants and racism around football by a minority but by gosh some of the chants are just brilliant and harsh.

Some great videos out there "more seagulls than fans, corner flag is taller than you, we've got dicanio you've got our stereo"

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EfficientTitle9779@reddit

Uh oh who invited the fun police

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That_Northern_bloke@reddit

Absolutely brutal 😆

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The_Big_Man1@reddit

This was chanted by his own fans as well.

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TowJamnEarl@reddit

I also remember him saying it was top banter.

Fair play.

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No_Order7964@reddit

What did the other guy say?

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DelosHR@reddit

You watch the near post, I'll mind the far.

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Jay_Max88@reddit

He was split

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TowJamnEarl@reddit

Calling in VAR

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danthemaninacan2@reddit

Reminds me of when Man United fans found out that Tim Howard had Tourette’s, they started singing (to the tune of “Chim Chim Cher-ee” from Mary Poppins):

Tim Tim-any, Tim Tim-any, Tim Tim Tim-oo We’ve got Tim Howard and he says FUCK YOU!

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That_Northern_bloke@reddit

Honestly when people say the Brits have no culture they're missing out on the brilliant array of football chants

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On-Mute@reddit

I see your Andy Goram and raise you Steve Fulton - a not particularly attractive Hearts player who responded to Hibs fans chanting "So fucking ugly, oh you're so fucking ugly" by blowing them a kiss.

The referee booked him for winding up the crowd, which prompted the Hibs fans to start chanting "booked for being ugly, you got booked for being ugly !"

unrelated, but the same guy in another match got a pie thrown at him when he was taking a throw in. It hit him on the arse and the combination of grease and brown sauce left his shorts looking exactly like he'd shat himself for the rest of the match.

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TrustyRambone@reddit

Wasn't his own fans that were chanting that at him, too?

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Upset-Elderberry3723@reddit

I never really understood this. Was the intention that the other Andy was a hallucination of the original? Because schizophrenia often doesn't have that, or has hallucinations be other people or completely depersonalised phemenona entirely.

If he did hallucinate himself, though, then that is a brutal joke and one that could have played out very destructively if his neurological health wasn't going well.

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JohnnyButtocks@reddit

At the time Schizophrenia was misunderstood by many people to be a kind of split personality disorder.

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Upset-Elderberry3723@reddit

True, and the name itself comes from an old term for 'split-minded'. As someone with schizophrenia, I guess it just never landed the same way for me.

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bdgrogan@reddit

Andy Gorman wore a black armband 4 days after LVF serial murderer Billy Wright was killed in December 1997.

He unashamedly denied it had anything to do with Wright but instead it was for his aunt who died months before...

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beyondheat@reddit

After the Deep Horizon oil spill in the gulf of Mexico, England fans were heard chanting to the American fans "You're not swimming any more"

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Cold_Table8497@reddit

Another cricket one with a story from Aussie Ritchie Benaud.

"As I was walking out to bat against England at Lords, a member held the gate open for me when I heard a spectator say, Don't bother closing it, he won't be long."

"ha, yes that's a good one. How many did you score?"

"One."

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UltimateGammer@reddit

Damn, that's painful.

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thegreyman1986@reddit

Not so sure on banter, but Eric Cantona chipping the Sunderland keeper and just standing there, looking at the crowd was pretty fucking cold

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greasychipbutty@reddit

Pretty sure that was against Sheffield United. Source: I was there.....

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Choccybizzle@reddit

You’re thinking of a different worldie

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greasychipbutty@reddit

Your right https://youtu.be/mshDRdgzfC8?si=d-tRoHzgY6eEBiGD

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thegreyman1986@reddit

Erm… you definitely weren’t there… Article in which it is written clearly that it was against Sunderland, with a video of Eric himself talking about it

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greasychipbutty@reddit

https://youtu.be/mshDRdgzfC8?si=d-tRoHzgY6eEBiGD this was the one I was at. Didn’t realise he did it twice!

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AgileSloth9@reddit

There was a similar scenario fairly recently with Isak for Newcastle vs West Ham, where him and Fabianski (the West Ham keeper), are both stood about 25-30 yards out, watching the ball go into the net, in the exact same stance, only with different emotions;

The image itself

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Mackem101@reddit

I think calling Lionel Perez a goalkeeper is a bit far, the lad was hopeless.

Luckily we signed Tommy Sorensen the season after, now he was a top class keeper.

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PapaJrer@reddit

He took a penalty against Tranmere in his final match for Cambridge. Smashed it down the middle, and it was saved... but the Tranmere keeper was taken off on a stretcher.

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Mr_A_UserName@reddit

Perez did my head in, crap hair, long sleeves pulled all the way up to his elbows, and was constantly trying to save it with his feet, even when it was easier to use his hands…

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kylehyde84@reddit

We had perez on loan. Dire haha

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thegreyman1986@reddit

I’m a Boro fan mate and I must admit, Sorensen was MASSIVELY underrated

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Atlantis3311@reddit

And then Karate kicking the Palace fan.

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bloodandglory31@reddit

He did that first, then the goal.

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Atlantis3311@reddit

Ahh I don’t remember I was only five

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ICantSpayk@reddit

Ruined by Brian McClair coming in under his arm for a hug.

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TheMilkDonkey@reddit

Owen Farrell smirking at the New Zealand team performing the haka before going on to destroy them in the WC semi 2019

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UltimateGammer@reddit

It was damn hilarious. Both at the time and in the aftermath.

All the pub burst out laughing at it at the time.

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terryjuicelawson@reddit

The Wales team facing the haka then refusing to move is a good one too.

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OpenedCan@reddit

Was my Xmas card to my mates father in law who's a kiwi. I'm still not allowed round for a BBQ.

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phatboi23@reddit

I'm still not allowed round for a BBQ.

worth it!

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TheMilkDonkey@reddit

That’s class, a close second.

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Hamsternoir@reddit

Smirking was nothing compared to Richard Cockerill when he was faced with the Haka

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TheMilkDonkey@reddit

Aye but Farrell had the good grace to win that day aha

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Will-Least@reddit

There is a Louis Theroux documentary where he asks a patient with a traumatic brain injury if they were a Spurs fan before the accident.

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CaptainYid@reddit

https://youtu.be/vOos2ESq3sU?si=7GQf2fur4wVCYWrw

This one?

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UltimateGammer@reddit

That's is cold as fuck.

I feel bad laughing at that

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Will-Least@reddit

Yep sorry you are right Arsenal fan not Spurs. Same shit different arsehole as far as I am concerned

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MacGroo@reddit

Arsenal but still

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tiorzol@reddit

Wasn't it an arsenal fan?

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DeapVally@reddit

Neville Southall absolutely bitch slapping that muppet Micheal Owen with the, 'well done, he's 13'.

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GloamGlozing@reddit

I’ve watched that video and he definitely doesn’t slap him

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red_black_red0@reddit

He didn't slap him, nothing even close to physical assault.

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DeapVally@reddit

You don't say! It's a figure of speech. I wasn't being literal 🙄

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Aggravating-Corner-2@reddit

I can't believe anyone thought you were 😂

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GloamGlozing@reddit

lol he definitely didn’t slap him. It’s on video

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InfectedFrenulum@reddit

Alan Kennedy on his debut for Liverpool:

"At half time, Bob Paisley the manager who bought me, came in the dressing room, I was sitting there with my head in my hands, and Bob came over, and said, ‘Alan, I think they shot the wrong Kennedy!"

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Emitime@reddit

He's pretty funny himself. I don't exactly go out of my way to meet footballers because that's not my thing, but I did meet Alan Kennedy when he was wandering around Wembley just tapping people on the shoulder to surprise them.

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CautiousAmount@reddit

He's a top man. Sat next to him at a sportsmans dinner. Another quip was how he and Kenny Sansom had 88 caps between them. Kenny had 86 of them.

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grey-zone@reddit

They just don’t make them like this any more. Friggin hilarious and brilliant.

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Bulbasaurus__Rex@reddit

Back in 1996, Ronnie O'Sullivan started playing left-handed against his opponent, Canadian Alain Robidoux. Robidoux called him "disrespectful" and refused to shake his hand at the end of the match, which Ronnie ended up winning 10-3.

He was called to a disciplinary hearing following Robidoux’s formal complaint, where he had to prove his skill with his left hand. He played three frames against former world champ finalist Rex Williams and won them all. The charge of bringing the game into disrepute was dropped.

Ronnie said afterwards "I didn't give him any respect because he didn't deserve any. I'm good left-handed. In fact, I'm better left-handed than he is right-handed."

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VisiblePerspective21@reddit

I believe Ronnie went to shake hands with his left hand.

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Possiblyreef@reddit

Ronnie O'Sullivan seems like the One punch man of snooker.

It must get incredibly boring being so so much better than everyone else

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SuperExstatic@reddit

lol I done this against some in a winner stays on game at my social club and the bloke brought this case up as he weren’t happy , tbh I’m just above average with both hands as I’m ambidextrous but I only done it because it was easier to get the angle

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ShakeUpWeeple1800@reddit

The hell? Somebody switches hand mid-game and beats me then I'm buying them a pint.

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SuperExstatic@reddit

I’m not even sure I won that game lol I rarely ever stay on for more than two or three in a row cos I almost always go to the pool rooms with my mate and he’s shit hot

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booroms@reddit

Adebayor running the entire length of the pitch to celebrate in front of the Arsenal fans

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Theddt2005@reddit

Ji-sung park

Park , park wherever you may be you eat dogs in your country, could be worse you could be Scouse eating rats in your council house

Absolutely brilliant, a bit racist but brilliant

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booroms@reddit

He shoots, he scores, he eats labradors

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Ok-Chest-7932@reddit

Iirc it's that the thing about Arsenal is they always try to walk it in.

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ChipCob1@reddit

Roy Keane passing the ball to Shearer for a throw in and Shearer saying 'do you want me to sign your ball son?'

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GloamGlozing@reddit

Didn’t happen

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theflowersyoufind@reddit

Yeah this sounds made up. However, Shearer does have a great moment of winding Keane up and then staring coldly at him as Keane completely loses his shit and gets sent off. Made Keane look like a little boy throwing a tantrum.

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CourtneyLush@reddit

Shearer and Keane had a bit of a barney on the pitch about the time that Keane released his autobiography. Keane was mouthing off to him, Shearers response was "write it in your next book".

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Sausagedogknows@reddit

That was Jason McAteer.

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PandaPop81@reddit

Jimmy Ormond, playing for England in the 2001 Ashes, comes out to bat and Mark Waugh says: "What are you doing out here? You're not good enough to play for England?" Ormond replies with: "At least I'm the best player in my family."

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space_coyote_86@reddit

Martin Brundle (F1 commentator, former driver) and Christian Horner (F1 team boss, former driver who never made it to F1) talking about the Singapore track

Horner: it's a shame you're too old to have driven here, you would've liked it

Brundle: it's a shame you weren't fast enough to get to Formula 1

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ludicrous_socks@reddit

Brundle: Kimi, you missed the presentation by Pele

Kimi: Yeh...

Brundle: Will you get over it?

Kimi: Yeh, I was having a shit

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CFDyce@reddit

A question of sport outtake from back in the Ally McCoist days. They had to guess what the connection between all the clips was. David Coulthard said “At first I thought the connection was that they had all slept with an ex-girlfriend of mine”

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forestvibe@reddit

F1 doesn't have many witty drivers, but Sebastian Vettel is definitely one of them.

When asked an extremely long-winded and rambling question by a journalist, Vettel patiently waited for the question to finish while everyone else was struggling to stay awake, only to simply say: "Sorry could you repeat the question?"

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CFDyce@reddit

Gentleman, a short view back to the past…

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ludicrous_socks@reddit

Thirty years ago, Niki Lauda told us ‘take a monkey, place him into the cockpit and he is able to drive the car.’

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Onlyfriends0936@reddit

Interviewer: would leaving United be a step down?

Zlatan: a step down for United? Yea

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ludicrous_socks@reddit

The interview where he gets asked about Carlos Vela was good too

https://youtube.com/shorts/Ul5bnDKLOAY?si=6jyLQF0HemOs9YXs

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MasksOfAnarchy@reddit

Another from Zlatan, on being asked what he was getting his partner for Valentines Day:

“What does she need a present for? She’s got Zlatan.”

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WinkyNurdo@reddit

Aussie cricketer Mark Waugh (brother of Steve Waugh) trying it on with Jimmy Ormand, a tail-end batter.

“What are you doing here? You’re not good enough to play for England.”

To which Jimmy replied, “maybe, but least I’m the best batsman in my family”.

And Glenn McGrath had a pop at West Indies’ Ramnaresh Sarwan, asking him, "What does Brian Lara's dick taste like?" The West Indian responded saying, "I don't know, better ask your wife."

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forestvibe@reddit

Glenn McGrath got really angry at that. He was quite happy to sledge other people's wives, but his own wife was off limits.

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WinkyNurdo@reddit

Yeah I’ve always felt that if you dish it out, you’ve got to take it. Having said that, his missus was on deaths door, it was pretty brutal.

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forestvibe@reddit

Yeah I understand why he was upset, but he can't have it both ways. I would have thought with what he was going through, he would have avoided using other people's missus as a punchline.

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jaggington@reddit

Someone calling in to 5 Live and telling Collymore he should still be playing for England because he knows how to beat the Swedes.

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AiHangLo@reddit

He blocked me in twitter for a similar comment.

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BissoumaTequila@reddit

Any mention of Collymore reminds me of the Derby chant they have for him

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Ok_Net4562@reddit

That was talk sport

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jaggington@reddit

Could’ve sworn it was 5Live, but I’m probably wrong. Definitely was TalkSport when someone called in and said about a Lampard penalty that he hit it like “You (Collymore) hit Ulrika”.

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Ok_Net4562@reddit

I doubt theres anyway the bbc would let that clownshoe on. Happy to be corrected though

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14JRJ@reddit

He did 606 with Jason Mohammed

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Ok_Net4562@reddit

Oh shit. You're right. He did a one off show in 2016. Well there you go

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Choccybizzle@reddit

Frank Skinner had a similar joke around the time Gazza got done for hitting his wife.

‘Hoddle should play Gazza if he wants to beat Georgia, I heard she’s a big woman’

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TangerineSalamander@reddit

When Hearts went into administration and Hibs fans filled Easter Road with the song "Rule Britannia, Building Society, Hearts will never never never be debt free" was pretty good.

Or ex-Tranmere and Burnley boss Mike Jackson, when playing for Marine at the end of his career, when the fans heard of the death of the King of Pop "There's only one Michael Jackson, only one Michael Jackson; there used to be two, but now it's just you; (moon)walking in a Jacko wonderland"

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Bluebirdhouse11@reddit

Peter Shilton got done for drunk driving but also had a mystery woman called Tina in his car, exposing an affair.

Played Sunderland shortly after and the home fans shouted “Tina Tina Tina” for the majority of the game.

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RgCrunchyCo@reddit

There aren’t many references to cricket here but cricket does have some fantastic banter.

Such as, Rodney Marsh (Aus) to Ian Botham in an Ashes match: “So how’s your wife and my kids?”

Ian Botham’s reply, “The wife’s fine. The kids are retarded!”

My favourite international banter, again cricket :

Aussie Glenn McGrath was bowling to Zimbabwe number 11 Eddo Brandes, who was just missing each ball.

McGrath, frustrated, went to him and inquired: “Why are you so fat?”

Quick as a flash, Brandes replied, “Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit.” 🤣

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SuperExstatic@reddit

I came here to see the comment about the fat man and the biscuits 😂😂 I’m not a cricket fan so don’t know the players involved but I remember it was cricket players 👏🏻

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leeeeam@reddit

I thought it was Shane warn who asked Mike gatting why he was so fat? Same reaction from gatting, every time I shag your mum she gives me a biscuit

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StandfastInitialJ@reddit

No, deffo the Zimbabwean to McGrath

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markcorrigans_boiler@reddit

I've heard that same story with about 20 different sets of players. Until I see evidence I'm not sure any of them are true.

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Thurad@reddit

My favourite was Gus Fraser to Brian Lara when he got his record test score. After nearly getting him out Gus said “I don’t suppose I can call you a lucky ** when you’re on 320.”

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rhyswynne@reddit

Funniest one I heard at (village level) cricket was in a game, a younger batsman who was quick but swinging for everything, running singles and often going after wide balls.

The older gentleman who was running with him turned to him after running his 20th single and said "Fuck me mate, even Cinderella knew when to leave a ball"

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-TheGreatLlama-@reddit

Viv Richards once had a swing and a miss at a ball from some bowler. Bowler got a bit cocky, and said “it’s round, red and weighs about five ounces, in case you’re wondering.”

Not a great plan. Viv Richards, as an all time great, smashed the next ball for six and said “You know what it looks like. Now go find it.”

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danthemaninacan2@reddit

After a sex scandal in Spain, the following chant was aimed at the Leicester team in the early 2000’s

“You couldn’t score in La Manga! Score in La Maaanga! You couldn’t score in La Manga!” 🥶

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NecroVelcro@reddit

Joe Calzaghe and his father, Enzo, are pricks, though. I know a sports coach who's done a lot of charity work and, years ago, an organisation he was involved with requested an appearance from Calzaghe at a children's hospice. The response? "What's in it for Joe?" I fully understand that he may have been inundated with such requests at the time but that was in reference to children with life-limiting illnesses.

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No-Collection-9144@reddit

not sure if it counts as banter but Ted hankey (darts) saying ''whose in charge, is it me or the devil, f*ck it, I am. Shake his hand. Double 8s...' then missinig and celebrating like he nailed it, always gives me a smile.

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MrD-88@reddit

Mick Mcarthy when asked about problems with the team bus

Mick: It broke down

Reporter: Can you expand on broke down?

Mick: It wouldn't go any further

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Vinbaobao@reddit

One win in 17, it cant go on like this, can it? It can

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Otto1968@reddit

If you tolerate Rix then your children will be next!

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fuzzeelogik@reddit

After Rangers got relegated to the bottom tier for getting into financial difficulties, Celtic fans sang "What's that coming over the hill, is it the tax man, is it the tax maaaaan?" To the tune of the song by Automatic

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Leather-Strength2448@reddit

I remember another Joe Calzaghe post fight interview, I think after he beat Jeff Lacy, and he was asked 'how are the hands doing Joe?' (he famously had brittle hands) and he said, 'not great, they've been bouncing off his head all evening'.

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Eltothebee@reddit

Luis Suarez in the 2012/2013 season, a week before the Merseyside derby of Liverpool vs Everton, then manager of Everton David Moyes called Suarez out for being a diver. Of course Suarez scored in the game and thus causing this celebration….

https://youtu.be/QaUs0-LJ-g0?si=hmvutJ1lQVHd050e

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Gabble_Rachet1973@reddit

The football commentator saying that the defense collapsed like the twin towers.

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Kexxa420@reddit

In 2018 Man City faced United in April. A win would have sealed City’s title. City were very eager to win the match to not only seal the title but also to do it after defeating United. There’s a lot of hype building up to it. Apparently city had prepared celebrations including order t shirts that said “we did it in the derby”.

City were winning 2-0 at half time but after team talk and pogba masterpiece United came back to win 2-3 shocking City and postponing celebrations.

After the match during the press conference Mourinho was asking City to give him one of those shirts.

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UniqueAssignment3022@reddit

For me the "this klit is gettin licked!!" when fury said to klitchko at the presser. So fucking funny 😂😂😂

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bobby_sandals@reddit

Ally McCoist (rangers) was late to a “show racism the red card” event and couldn’t find his red card

Causing a commotion looking for it. A fed up Tommy burns (Celtic) not seeing the irony said

“does someone want to get that orange bastard a red card”

😂😂

Later ally mccoist would probably do more for helping fight sectarianism than most ever had by carrying Tommy burns coffin at his funeral!

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Philster07@reddit

Ched Evans, was playing for SUFC in the early/mid 2010s, got charged with rape. Remember going to a match against them with the chants of "She Said No Ched"

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skinnysnappy52@reddit

“So Fuck off Adam Johnson

You’re going down for noncin’

You’re a pedophile, you’re a pedophile”

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Affectionate_War_279@reddit

Ro-nal-do when a girl says no molest her.

To the tune of bo selekta

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the_tytan@reddit

Newcastle fans also did this to Van Persie back in 2005.

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oatcakedick@reddit

— Rod Marsh and Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him with: “So how’s your wife and my kids?” to which Botham shot back: ”The wife’s fine, but the kids are retarded

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ResplendentBear@reddit

Andrew Flintoff's "Mind the windows, Tino" at a wildly swinging West Indian batter.

Next ball an incensed Tino Best had an even bigger heave and was out, stumped.

Maybe funny more than anything, but cold in it's effectiveness.

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Dark_Beacon@reddit

I believe it was one of the Aussies to Graham Thorpe RIP who said to him ' mate you've got a bit of shit on the end of your bat'

Thorpe picks up the bat and checks the bottom

'Nah mate, the other end'

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SirGeorgeAgdgdgwngo@reddit

Respectfully, cricket isn't going to win this lol

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BananaAsleep@reddit

Best cricket one was a chunky Zimbabwe player called Eddo Brandes. Glenn McGrath (annoyingly good Aussie) asked him why he was so fat. Brandes replied “because every time I shag your mum she gives me a biscuit”.

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Otherwise-Bid621@reddit

It was Merv Hughes who said that

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MaleficentWay9066@reddit

That joke has been retold so many times I'm not sure where it came from. Is this the incident that made it famous or what?

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stewieatb@reddit

I've heard it about Shane Warne multiple times.

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pm-me-animal-facts@reddit

It’s definitely Eddo Brandes to Glenn McGrath that made this famous. It was also Glenn McGrath’s wife he said he was fucking, not mum.

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MaleficentWay9066@reddit

Couldn't disrespect another man's mother like that. No sir.

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red_black_red0@reddit

That one has been repeated so many times...

I bet a million quid that's not the source, I've seen it attributed to just about every half-amusing sportsman since the war.

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lionmoose@reddit

I preferred:

"How's your wife and my kids?"

"Wife's fine. Kids are idiots"

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hairychris88@reddit

Cricket sledging is probably the most creative out there to be fair

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Jcw28@reddit

Honestly it's on another level. Dennis Lillee would tell batsmen that they were batting badly because of shit on the end of their bat, and when they turned it to look at the toe of the bat, he'd say "wrong end mate."

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matildawaltzesin4@reddit

Looks like Sir George has sledged himself here

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ResplendentBear@reddit

It probably won't get the most upvotes, but it's still a great story.

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TotlaBullfish@reddit

“If you turn that bat over mate, there are instructions on the back.”

Can’t remember who said it though.

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Reasonable_Tour4973@reddit

Tino embraced it in retirement though, named his autobiography Mind the Windows

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RDiMaso@reddit

Tino also got the last word.

https://sport360.com/article/cricket/international-cricket/247003/freddie-flintoff-takes-an-almighty-tumble-in-an-elvis-presley-costume-on-natwest-t20-blast-finals-day

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Different_Lychee_409@reddit

Not strictly banter by Roy Keanes epic meltdown against Mick McCarthy during the 2002 world cup is an absolute highlight.

"Mick, you're a liar … you're a fucking wanker. I didn't rate you as a player, I don't rate you as a manager, and I don't rate you as a person. You're a fucking wanker and you can stick your World Cup up your arse. The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are the manager of my country! You can stick it up your bollocks."

Once you think about McCarthy 'sticking it up his bollocks' you can't get it out of your head.

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parttimepedant@reddit

Didn’t Roy also call McCarthy ‘an English Cunt’?

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k_rocker@reddit

I was a fan of Ange Postecoglu’s recent reply to a journalist who asked him something like “do you picture yourself with trophies”, to which he replied “I’ve got real pictures, mate”.

The journalist continued “do you picture…”, again replying “there’s quite a few of them”.

Journo got himself deeper saying “you’re lucky to be able to do that”, so Ange said “I’m not lucky, they were earned”.

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MiniMcCarthy@reddit

I heard him on 5live getting interviewed and the interviewer said something along the lines of “we’ll just catch a word with Ange Postecoglu in the tunnel” and Ange replies “we’re in a back room mate” and the interviewer just shamefully says “we’re on the radio the listeners don’t know that.”

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TomatoLess229@reddit

Hopkins was 43 the fight was a bit of a joke

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SpecialistOption4143@reddit

Rubbish. Hopkins went on to beat Jones Jr, Pascal, Pavlik etc. after getting stomped by Calzaghe

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HallowedAndHarrowed@reddit (OP)

Calzaghe was 36 himself and would have been Hopkins at any age. He defeated Mikkel Kessler and Jeff Lacy when both were younger than him, Kessler being considerably so.

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Implematic950@reddit

Villa park fans towards Park Ji Sung when at Man united.

“ Oh park who ever you may be, you eat dogs in your own county, could be worse, could be a scouse, eating rats in your council house. “

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DrmWife00@reddit

😂

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OkWhile8478@reddit

Never heard a British person use the word jackass before.

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Wooden-Bookkeeper473@reddit

Rodney Marsh regarding his England debut: "Sir Alf said to me just before kick off, if you haven't done anything by half time I'm gonna bring you off"

Marsh replied: "fucking hell we only get half an orange at Man city"

He never played under Sir Alf again..

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younevershouldnt@reddit

Pull you off

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Wooden-Bookkeeper473@reddit

Thanks.

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TimeToNukeTheWhales@reddit

OK, now it makes sense.

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parasoralophus@reddit

Courtesy of The Upshot:

Comedian Frank Skinner joined Sue Barker on a Question of Sport, which she hosted.

It was the picture round, and an image appeared of a sportsperson looking out to sea from the edge of a cliff.

Frank turned to Barker, who famously dated pop oddball Cliff Richard, and asked deadpan, “Sue, have you ever sat on a Cliff face?”

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parasoralophus@reddit

Never made it onto the broadcast, unsurprisingly!

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Blue4LifeSW6@reddit

Not so much “banter”, but -

Jose Mourinho coming to England, calling himself a special one and winning Chelsea their first league title in 50 years in recording breaking fashion.

Ange Postecoglou saying “I usually win things in my 2nd season” and to then win the Europa League with bloody Tottenham is absolutely cold.

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h00dman@reddit

Jose Mourinho coming to England, calling himself a special one and winning Chelsea their first league title in 50 years in recording breaking fashion.

I always loved how he embraced his image as a villain.

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ReachIndependent8473@reddit

There was that advert (I forget for what) where he said something like “not all great achievements come with medals” standing next to a league table showing the season he got the post-fergie Man Utd team to 2nd. Subtle burn; he had a point tho’

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Which_Performance_72@reddit

I recently discovered it was when he was overlooked for the Barca job and pep got it he became the villain.

I like to see him as the anti pep and I like that

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Giorggio360@reddit

Ange’s quote was firstly usually and then he corrected himself and said he always wins things in his second season.

He’s not wrong and continued his streak of not being wrong

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Choccybizzle@reddit

Yeah the correction is so much more ‘cold’

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Tricky-Reporter-5246@reddit

On penalties after one of the most staid games in history.

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frenchois1@reddit

Doesn't matter a jot. Better than losing on penalties after one of the most staid games in history.

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Dropkoala@reddit

It was 1-0 wasn't it?

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Atlantis3311@reddit

Also Specialist in failure.

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TankSwan@reddit

I came here for this quote, Absolutely legendary.

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ATSOAS87@reddit

I'm an Arsenal fan, and this made me laugh.

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FAMAStrash@reddit

Everything about Jose’s first stint was magic.

One year my salary vs yours, voyeur Wenger, I have to prove what?

Had everybody in the palm of his hand.

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bobby_sandals@reddit

Gordon strachan

Reporter: “Can we have a quick word please”

Gordon: “velocity”

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Atlantis3311@reddit

Gary Neville on his England career: It’s like taking a girl out on a date 85 times, and not getting anything out of it.

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Bladon95@reddit

I always like the story Neville tells of some fans singing “If the Neville’s can play for England so can I.”

He looked to the Paul Scholes for a bit of affirmation that the fans were a bit out of order only to find out scholesy was singing along!

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GlennSWFC@reddit

To the tune of Blame it on the Boogie to Liverpool’s Djimi Traore.

Don’t blame it on the Finnan, Don’t blame it on the Hamann, Don’t blame it on the Biscan, Blame it on Traore, he just can’t, he just can’t, he just can’t control his feet.

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Charming_Ad2323@reddit

Rod Marsh ‘How’s the wife and my kids?’

Ian Botham ‘The wife’s fine, the kids are retarded’.

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tiorzol@reddit

I don't get it

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peahair@reddit

Rodney Marsh (an Australian cricketer, to his opponent Ian Botham, an England cricketer) How’s YOUR wife and MY kids? (He was trying to wind him up, intimating that he’d slept with his wife at least twice, to put him off his game) Botham replied to Marsh ‘wife’s fine, kids retarded’ (to turn it around to an insult to Marsh by intimating that he was aware the kids were his because he could only sire children with learning difficulties) p.s. Bothams kids are absolutely fine, one is a rugby international

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Different_Lychee_409@reddit

I'm old enough to remember when Botham was quite fun. He reportedly broke a bed by indulging in vigorous sex with Miss Jamaica whilst on tour in 1981.

These days he just a tedious bore.

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peahair@reddit

Agreed.

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Curiousinsomeways@reddit

"My kids" is the key bit.

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tiorzol@reddit

Ahhhh thanks.

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thanksantsthants@reddit

Was your dad an Australian cricketer?

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frenchois1@reddit

He's essentially taking the piss out of everyone including himself, his kids and the guy who tried to wind him up. Straight up shows he's immune to the trash talk.

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blainy-o@reddit

"It's a shame you're too old to have driven here really..."

"I am too old to have driven here, but..."

"You would've liked it!"

"Yeah. Shame you weren't fast enough to get to Formula 1!" - Martin Brundle taking the piss out of Red Bull team principal Christian Horner on the gridwalk for the Singapore Grand Prix one year, maybe 2012 or 2013. Who, for clarification, was in fact not fast enough to get to Formula 1. 8 DNQs and only 1 points finish in 2 years of F3000 before calling it quits and getting into team leadership/management.

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Least-Entrepreneur23@reddit

"It can't go on like this, can it?"

"It can" 🥶

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thefudgeguzzler@reddit

God, I love Mick Mccarthy

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Prismatic_Warlock@reddit

Man Uniteds chant to Ji-Sung park. Its absolutely hilarious yet so fucking racist it's unreal. The fact that they used to sing it to their own player is absolutely zero levels of cold 😂😂😂

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Contrarian_Whitey@reddit

Chats of “murderers….murderers”, and “always the victim” aimed towards fans of Liverpool FC, following the Heysel Stadium and Hillsborough Stadium incidents in which lots of spectators lost their lives.

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OptimalPaddy@reddit

West Ham fans chanting "Harry Potter' he's coming for you" to Johnjo Shelvney (he looks a bit like Voldermort)

https://youtu.be/N31xr5rTa4g?si=mpzCz50YcCnId9tt

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Rnew1@reddit

Whoever was in charge of the full time music when Arsenal beat ManCity 5-1, and they blasted out "Be Humble" got a pretty good chortle from me.

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Onlyfriends0936@reddit

Peter Crouch, what would you be if you wasn't a footballer?

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Choccybizzle@reddit

His exchange on the ‘I eat arse’ flag is funny every time I watch it

https://youtube.com/shorts/dERNJT0Baas?si=VOXXgwbXwT-WhRU2

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Push-the-pink-button@reddit

I've never seen that, thank you!

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mhoulden@reddit

Michael Jackson was once Mohamed al Fayed's guest at a Fulham match. Opposing fans sang "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles".

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VisiblePerspective21@reddit

I was at that game, not a Fulham fan by my mate was. We were convinced it was a lookalike. It was Fulham fans singing it too.

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t0t0zenerd@reddit

Best one yet

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kissthecup@reddit

Robbie Fowler pretending to snort the white touchline as a celebration after rumours came out that he did cocaine

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Separate-Rough-8083@reddit

In F1 they interviewing Lando Norris after he won, George Russell came front behind and shook his hand to congratulate and commented on his sweaty palms, to which Lando responded, no that's champagne 🥶

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Jimmy90081@reddit

“… No one wants to grow up to be a Gary Neville.” - that whole thing was brutal…

Best chant imo…

“Park, Park, wherever you may be, you eat dogs in your own country. It could be worse, you could be Scouse, eating rats in ya council house…”

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ShufflingToGlory@reddit

I love Calzaghe but that aspect of the fight was incredibly distasteful and not something to be celebrated or remembered fondly.

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Double_Jab_Jabroni@reddit

Hopkins was the one to initially say “I’ll never let a white boy beat me”. You can’t blame Joe for taking the piss after beating that racist 2@.

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PristineKoala3035@reddit

No defending Hopkins but it’s a throwback to Minter famously saying he’ll never lose to a black man before getting beat up by Hagler. A lot of fight fans don’t seem to take any joy from that one for some reason…

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HallowedAndHarrowed@reddit (OP)

No it wasn’t, you just made that up.

Funny thing is that seeing what Calzaghe did to Jeff Lacy (who before the match with Joe was regarded as the next Mike Tyson) should have been enough evidence of how destructive Calzaghe could be.

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Choccybizzle@reddit

Can’t remember which set of fans, but after Ashley and Cheryl Cole split up, they were singing ‘you gotta file file file file file for divorce’ to the tune of her no.1

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Pure_Grapefruit9645@reddit

Zimbabwean cricketer was asked by Aussie bowler why he was so fat. “ because every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit” was the the reply

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dimesdan@reddit

I can’t remember what the episode was, but it was series 12 of Taskmaster when Victoria Coran Mitchell for a prize task, got a season ticket for Alan Davies at Old Trafford.

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MagicBez@reddit

Small correction: she decided a season ticket was too expensive so got him a voucher towards buying one.

“I thought he might like to see a team that actually wins”

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dimesdan@reddit

Cheers. It’s been a while so my memory of the episode is hazy.

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DuckPicMaster@reddit

I don’t understand this. I’m assuming Davies is a City supporter?

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Oneinchwalrus@reddit

Arsenal fan

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HullGuy@reddit

Huge arsenal fan

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FlightSimmerUK@reddit

I’ve no idea what any of this means.

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Old_Distance8430@reddit

Back to games workshop for you son

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Freerollingforlife@reddit

To be fair this is a pretty good answer to the original question…

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calmcatman@reddit

Joe Calzaghe was a Welsh/italian boxer who fought Bernard Hopkins an African American, in the build up Hopkins said he wouldn’t be beat by a white boy and went on to lose the fight.

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calmcatman@reddit

His point is confusing because Calzaghe wasn’t really returning banter but he did give Hopkins a massive showing up which was embarrassing given his incredible stupid comments in the build up to the fight.

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PassiveTheme@reddit

Then maybe this thread isn't for you?

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FlightSimmerUK@reddit

Yeah, that appears to be the case. Thank you, enjoy your evening.

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BugPsychological4836@reddit

Reporter there seems some genuine hate between these 2

Eubank I dont hate the man i just want his wbo title hate doesnt come into it for me, hate destroys the game and makes it look brutal

Benn without missing a beat, I personally do hate him

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Loquis@reddit

Cricket
Aussie Mark Waugh asked Englishman James Ormond, “What are you doing out here? There’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.”

he replied - “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my own family”

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Sledging at its finest :D (This was a Zimbabwean cricketer to some aussie iirc)

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