Anon, I...
Posted by Sneed-Feed-and-Seed@reddit | 4chan | View on Reddit | 52 comments
Posted by Sneed-Feed-and-Seed@reddit | 4chan | View on Reddit | 52 comments
TraumaPerformer@reddit
Oh ffs…
What you missed was an overly eager hand grabbing your member like a one armed bandit and tugging that fucker like it’ll pay out the jackpot.
Not to mention the teenage nerves, worrying so much about fucking up in some way and becoming the next scapegoat. You’re better off doing shit in your late 20s/30s where you’ve grown out of caring too much what others think.
Nocturnal_submission@reddit
Bruh sorry your teen years sucked so bad
TraumaPerformer@reddit
I got lucky. Others had their self-esteem irreversibly shattered by the unbridled rage of a teenage girl.
Lots of guys think they lost out on young love, but actually most of them saved themselves a fuckton of shitty experiences.
Dear_Lie_1975@reddit
Yeah you sound totally mentally healthy, definitely one of the lucky ones..
Nothing you have said here is normal lol.
TraumaPerformer@reddit
Relatively lucky, that is. I was able to exit the journey with some shreds of self esteem intact, others never made it out - now trapped in loveless marriages putting their kids to bed while their beloved wife is loudly spit roasted in the marital bed. Is that normal enough for you?
Dear_Lie_1975@reddit
You’re very dramatic.
TraumaPerformer@reddit
In an alternate universe I’m a very famous actor. In this one, however, I’m a lowly shit picker. I trawl the sewers, and local toilets, picking apart shit for half-digested valuables. It’s funny how life works out, isn’t it?
Dear_Lie_1975@reddit
It’s tough in Gotham City
Nocturnal_submission@reddit
Sorry bud
BanzaiKen@reddit
The apologizing and look that says holy shit this hurts a lot more than I thought but I’m going to pretend otherwise.
TraumaPerformer@reddit
Yup. You grin and bear it, knowing she’ll be upset and probably stop if you show any pain. Then you spend the next three days unable to walk, because of the magnificent friction blister blighting your manhood.
That’s what anon missed. Mind you, most women aren’t much better… thought they’d grow out of it but, no, they’re still trying to light a fire using my womb raider.
LooseButtPlug@reddit
I feel bad for you guys. I had a girlfriend in highschool that gave the best handjobs, unforgettable to this day 3 decades later. She cheated on me with a black guy and that's how I became racist. Then he knocked her up and left her with a mongrel child, then I started thinking "You know what? Black dudes are pretty based". I'm not racist anymore, plus she's fat now.
minty-moose@reddit
character development
oby100@reddit
You should write a script and get Mel Gibson to direct it.
TraumaPerformer@reddit
>gave the best handjobs
>abandoned with mongrel child
God damn, what a senseless waste.
futainflation@reddit
A1 storytelling. absolutely beautiful. thank you for sharing
StopCallinMePastries@reddit
What the hell bro you do not need to desperately cling to virginity for 30 years just learn how to fuck properly and internalize a modicum of outcome independence
TraumaPerformer@reddit
Yes you do. Attain wizardry and then nothing is impossible.
Duraken@reddit
The fuckin' worst part is trying to sneak around to find somewhere to not be interrupted. I don't understand how that is a kink for some people. I was constantly on edge. (not the fun way.)
ohnoazombie@reddit
A nob session
Limp_Classroom_2645@reddit
Yeah nah thanks
s-josten@reddit
And then after 50-something chapters, she rejects his confession
nikoll-toma@reddit
peak western romance
ParticularConcept548@reddit
Nothing that a chair and rope couldn't solve
Silirt@reddit
Please stop typing out the plots to nineties movies.
OhSanders@reddit
What movie?? Would love to watch this.
Silirt@reddit
Pretty Woman, I think?
OhSanders@reddit
No way Julia Andrews was a full on prostitute in that. Not like a first timer. It was her first time being treated respectfully in that movie. She even had a rule no kissing that means she had already been railed on the reg
johnny_effing_utah@reddit
And you probably think this sugar baby was actually a virgin, don’t ya
Deruji@reddit
She’d had that much cock, if placed end to end you could build a handrail to the moon.
Doctah_Fauci@reddit
Big mistake, huge.
Soggy_Cheek_2653@reddit
YUUGE handrail, maybe the biggest!!!
joethecrow23@reddit
Written by Bill Belichick
Autisticus@reddit
Lycang6KRLH0@reddit
I know virgin hands typed this but damn what disgrace.
Field_Of_View@reddit
anon finds a hooker who is also a good actress, thinks he takes her "virginity" LMFAO
BanzaiKen@reddit
You have never popped a hymen have you?
kojimbob@reddit
The Rothschilds planted strawberry jam in there to trick you
BanzaiKen@reddit
Big hymen stealing my silver linings.
Curly_Fried_Mushroom@reddit
watch out for the rocks anon they'll wreck your ship
Lloids77@reddit
The things people will do to LARP a real relationship instead of just investing into an actual relationship.
Prcrstntr@reddit
Bro watched rent a girlfriend and thought it was good.
mrguy08@reddit
You can very clearly tell that this was written by someone who has never had sex.
SlySychoGamer@reddit
Hm...i can see the whole "missed out on/before sex became mundane thing"
Ya...this is actually very depressing.
As I have gotten older you do start to realize there simply are things that you miss out on, even if they are bad, you can still feel regret for not experiencing them.
woman_tickler049@reddit
Boogie?
kuzivamuunganis@reddit
Yeah right virgins are online selling sex
MetalGearXerox@reddit
Lobotomy, no ifs or buts.
NoPointsForSecond@reddit
Rent a Girlfrend for 18+ public.
_witness_me@reddit
None of this ever happened, but I guess it's fun for OP to think about.
TraumaJeans@reddit
Lack of post nut clarity confirms fictionness of the story
duckflux@reddit
Great fanfic anon
ActRegarded@reddit
Anon can:
But fucked societal norms/ this “relationship” prevents marriage?
Idk. Seems too autistic so must be true.