What common insults do brits use that other english speakers dont understand unless they're from UK ?
Posted by flower5214@reddit | AskABrit | View on Reddit | 399 comments
TimeNew2108@reddit
Doylum was my dad's go to
Thatloafguy@reddit
Whoop de doo
BookAny6233@reddit
You know, one of the most underrated attributes of Shogun was the Brit insults. “Wet fuckstain” was a particular favorite of mine.
My own personal favorite (as a Yank) was when I said someone must be quite pleased with himself and the Brit in the room started cackling. And I thought, “Someone got it.” Skewering someone without them being aware of it is very, very satisfying.
Similar-Night-5544@reddit
Plonker is my go to!
HysterianYT@reddit
'Wazzock' is a fantastic one that my Grandad used to say all the time
TrueBlueMind@reddit
Plonker. As in "you plonker, Rodney"!
Unlikely-Check-3777@reddit
Your ability to add 'absolute' in front of any noun that you call someone and have it instantly becomes an insult. I love it.
You absolute microwave.
james10bt@reddit
Simple 'Ur Mum'
Fearless-Dust-2073@reddit
"Absolute"
StarSpotter74@reddit
It's this and what I came here to say
Absolute:
Tool
Wetwipe
Flannel
Arsewipe
Spanner
Melon
Knob
Spade
MaybeAdvanced4234@reddit
Salad or Melt..... Chefs kiss
blue_tack@reddit
Bawbag (Scotland)
MrsBagxander@reddit
Stainpoke!
CeeBee29@reddit
Closely followed by Fudd!
Objective-Manner7430@reddit
Absolute Fanny is also a regular 😂
mrswinniebago@reddit
Tit
damebabyz56@reddit
You need to add dipshit and knob jockey to your list.
Dizzy_Guest8351@reddit
Absolute spade seems a bit dodgy, and by a bit dodgy, I mean it's just the English equivalent of calling someone the N word.
rayminm@reddit
What ? No that's not what it means
scalectrix@reddit
But it absolutely could be interpreted that way, and if you're unaware of that then fine but you're being informed, so now you do know and to continue using it in this knowledge is therefore not OK. It's absolutely a well known (if slightly date, thankfully) racist slur. Maybe find another insult from the thousands available?
https://medium.com/language-explained/this-phrase-youre-using-has-a-harmful-other-meaning-4a1427b26a14
Present_Program6554@reddit
Spade has nothing to do with the N word in British English. It's can be a slur in American English.
You may watch too much TV
scalectrix@reddit
Watch Withnail & I then (Presuming Ed - written by an Englishmen, acted by Englishmen, set in 1960s London). Bless your feeble attempt at flexing on semantics, you utter banana. Read more, educate yourself. The Dunning Kruger grows ever stronger - how incredibly tedious.
scalectrix@reddit
*For those not willing search, the line is [Marwood, irritated] " Who is the huge s***e in the bath?" [Danny] "That's Presuming Ed."
scalectrix@reddit
Haha love being downvoted by Americans when trying to teach them about their own language 😄 Hilarious.
Key_Milk_9222@reddit
An Englishmen?
scalectrix@reddit
typo obviously you tool.
Present_Program6554@reddit
It was copying slang current the the USA at that time numbnuts.
oitekno23@reddit
You are reading too much into this, and i'm slightly embarrased to share a political ideology with you it seems (anarchism)
Suave_Broccoli_3333@reddit
But it's not racist in the full context: you should say "I call a spade a spade, and not a shovel" eg I'm saying it like it is and not fart arsing around calling it something else. This context is tools, not racism.
Valarmorgulis77@reddit
Unless you’re directing it at a black person it’s never going to be construed as racist
karmawongmo@reddit
Ah ..'black as the ace of spades'...haven't heard it for yonks. 'Plonker' is a good word for a 'tool.'
scalectrix@reddit
Downvoted by the wilfully ignorant. You are absolutely and demonstrably correct.
DrtyBlvd@reddit
No.
It really isn't.
UltraHyperDonkeyDick@reddit
I think you are thinking of absolute shovel...
flippitus_floppitus@reddit
Thing you’ve got this one a bit wrong
Historical_Exchange@reddit
I call a spade a spade. Do one with your retroactive apologetics.
90210fred@reddit
Horticultural earth moving implement (c) Sir Humphrey
i_like_the_wine@reddit
Pickle dick
Nob jockey
Fuck wit
Bell end
Dick wad
The list feels almost endless, given the local variants!
FedUpFrog@reddit
Plum
Psychological_Ad3034@reddit
Prat
WhydYouKillMeDogJack@reddit
Oh! No need!
DittoDarkfold@reddit
OMG!!! ...... Plum took me back for sure, I forgot we even used to say that!!
ExtremeActuator@reddit
Helmet
Weapon
Adventurous-Shake-92@reddit
Melt.
divdiv23@reddit
Plank
Wasps_are_bastards@reddit
Muppet, salad.
dark_fairy_skies@reddit
Muppet! Thats an insult I adore, which is not used regularly enough anymore.
AnxiousAppointment70@reddit
I use it. It's a lovely soft insult.
Wasps_are_bastards@reddit
Sausage. I forgot ‘you sausage’. Seemed popular with my London friends.
StonedMason85@reddit
If it’s not used regularly enough then that’s on you, I still use it daily! I have to with some of the people I work with!
cowtownman75@reddit
Balloon
MsPB01@reddit
Cockwomble
Individual-Muffin235@reddit
Anyone said Sausage yet? I laugh if I get called a cunt but being called a Sausage really gets me.
Complete_Tadpole6620@reddit
Treacle.
Dense_Imagination984@reddit
Jack of clubs
ZealousidealAd6382@reddit
Cockwaffle
BitAffectionate9565@reddit
Cockwomble
frankensteinsmaster@reddit
Pastry, pie, rocket.
soopertyke@reddit
Plank Arse part Knob jockey Melt Spacker
Violet351@reddit
Unit
Corrie7686@reddit
Melt
Comfortable_Bug_4506@reddit
Bowl
Nugget
Melt
Flashy-Mulberry-2941@reddit
Absolute unit especially.
Dazz316@reddit
Unit?
suzir11@reddit
And to add, you can add "ed" at the end of any of these words to describe your level of drunkness.
SadAndGloomy@reddit
Important to note that absolute can be replaced with “utter” for similar devastation
matomo23@reddit
Or “proper” if you’re in Merseyside.
beatnikstrictr@reddit
Or Manchester.
matomo23@reddit
Yes true I forgot that!
DaveBeBad@reddit
Or complete.
Or any other synonym of the adjective really - (utter, total, outright, downright, etc)
Wooden_Astronaut4668@reddit
“utter wank” is one of my absolute faves 🤣
LostInTheVoid_@reddit
Weapon
Apprehensive-Stop748@reddit
My friend from Hampshire calls her mother “a weapon of a woman”
utter_helmet@reddit
Helmet
Lanthanidedeposit@reddit
See also pure - as in pure fanny. (Maybe vague to the lower end of the island)
CrazyLittleLion@reddit
No matter the national divides, everywhere, all across the UK we call collectively agree on Fanny, Prick, Prat, Melt and Minger (I almost ‘*’d the first two 😂)
Professional-Day6965@reddit
With the right tone, I think "well done" can be quite devastating
rosegoldeverything1@reddit
It’s perfect.
Purlz1st@reddit
Is it the British “Bless your heart?”
DukeyPig@reddit
No. There are a few variations here. The simple “bless” on its own, “aww/oh bless”, “bless you”, and my favourite “bless your cotton socks”. From what I gather they all mean about the same as “bless your heart” which is is something like: “this is something I’d say to a box of puppies and you are about as competent and as cute as those puppies in your attempt at doing a human task”
I think there’s a commonality in that both can be used in situations where someone has either failed spectacularly or barely succeeded in doing a simple task, but the “bless” variations are both sarcastic and endearing. “Well done” has none of that warmth. “Well done” should be delivered absolutely deadpan for best results and translates as: “You are a fucking disappointment. Furthermore, I’m disappointed in myself for expecting any better of you.”
Disastrous_Fill_5566@reddit
Nailed it with that description 🤣
Melj84@reddit
No, the British "Bless your heart" is "Bless your little cotton socks". It can be used in all the exact same ways, with the same inflections 😂
Violet351@reddit
In the U.K. we just say Bless. We don’t need the rest of it
Barry_Umenema@reddit
Aww bless 😊
nineJohnjohn@reddit
Bless your cottons
J-c-b-22@reddit
It's more demeaning than veiled
PeachyBaleen@reddit
‘Bless your heart’ wishes it was the British ‘well done’
Apprehensive-Stop748@reddit
When inflection is inflicted on the afflicted
Money-Bear7166@reddit
Say that three times fast
defroach84@reddit
In the south of the US, that's the equivalent of "bless your heart"
Objective-Manner7430@reddit
That’s too passive aggressive for us Scots, we’ll just call you a cunt to your face 😂
Safe_Commercial_2633@reddit
I like a well done you. Drip it with sarcasm.
AlGunner@reddit
With a short slow handclap
Objective_Ticket@reddit
With a slow hand clap.
Spindelhalla_xb@reddit
I find a quick thumbs up gets the point across
No-Body-4446@reddit
Will McKenzie delivers this very well
Professional-Day6965@reddit
Simon Bird definitely brought this part of Will to Friday Night Dinner as well
OriginalComputer5077@reddit
"That's quite an interesting suggestion.."
DrtyBlvd@reddit
Needs a Oh in front of it, wouldn't you say? More letters to allow the drip of sarcasm from
Professional-Day6965@reddit
Couldn't hurt. Deadpan sarcasm can really turn anything innocuous into a barbed insult.
GupDeFump@reddit
I was a waiter in my youth and I remember a customer saying well done to me for managing to bring her some peas.
It was 20 years ago… but still it’s there 😂
Randomfinn@reddit
“That’s an interesting idea.”
The best British insults are when the insulted person either doesn’t realise thy’ve been insulted or thinks it is a compliment!
Aid_Le_Sultan@reddit
e.g. I hope you outlive your children.
herefromthere@reddit
No, that's a curse. Saying "cunt" is not a curse, it's a good old Anglo-Saxon bodypart.
Saying you hope someone outlives their children is a curse and far more disturbing than saying "cunt".
Calling someone a cunt is often meant as an insult, but depends very much on the context.
I think for something to be genuinely insulting you must convey your contempt for them in some way or other while making it personal to something the target has said or done or is.
Saying you hope someone outlives their children could just be about you being a shit of a human, nothing about why you have contempt for them.
Money-Bear7166@reddit
Isn't cunt often a term of endearment among friends?
herefromthere@reddit
I wouldn't say so, but calling someone that can be an indication of closeness and trust. So almost?
It's all about context.
i82qb4ipdou@reddit
To me everyone's a cunt .... even me.
herefromthere@reddit
Sounds like you're not meaning a terrible insult by it. Almost friendly like, you cunt.
Oxford-Gargoyle@reddit
Oof, never heard this said as an insult here
DrtyBlvd@reddit
Jesus, it's more of a curse isn't it?
Apprehensive-Stop748@reddit
I went to a dinner with let’s say rather aristocratic man and it was a question and answer (in America) because he’s an athlete. At the end of the dinner is somebody asked him, “Did they take you to Disney World yet?” He said, “Well, I didn’t bring my kids.” The person getting the selfie with him seemed happy with that but I couldn’t stop laughing.
mulberrybushes@reddit
That one’s too low-key for even me and I usually drip sarcasm. please explain?
StoatofDisarray@reddit
“Disney World is a place that’s only suitable for children, and I’m a grown man, you graceless arse.”
oooohshinythingy@reddit
Same
SignificantAd3761@reddit
Yeah, I don't get it
DogtasticLife@reddit
As my ex-MIL said to me “you are brave wearing that” - nearly 30yrs later and I still want to slap her. Ex - she was complimenting you 🤦🏻♀️
Randomfinn@reddit
Oooh that would burn me too. You must have composed a million witty replies by now in l’esprit de l’escailer
RepresentativeWay734@reddit
I'll bear it in mind what you've just said.
Randomfinn@reddit
Gee thanks so much, I’m honoured you think so much about my idea!!!!
mazred123@reddit
You plumb, you twat, you absolute knob head.
thatcypriotguy9@reddit
Cockwomble is a personal favourite
Spillsy68@reddit
Bell end
HippySkywalker@reddit
99% of our language is insulting either ourselves or others.
But if it’s niche enough it’s good enough. I haven’t personally used it for a while but I always enjoyed Dime Bar as an insult.
Outraged_Chihuahua@reddit
The more weirdly specific the better. I saw Nigel Farage, I think, described as a haunted tin of Spam. There's nothing inherently insulting there but you know it's an insult lol.
HippySkywalker@reddit
Katie hopkins soul is made of asbestos and lambrini.
Paper182186902@reddit
That’s an insult to asbestos.
Outraged_Chihuahua@reddit
I got Katie Hopkins and Katie Price mixed up for a second but it still works either way you slice it
Stunning_Anteater537@reddit
Love it! Also like Jacob Rees Mogg is the haunted pencil 😂😂
SlackerPop90@reddit
Haunted victorian pencil
Outraged_Chihuahua@reddit
I tell one of my dogs she's haunted by the ghosts of Victorian orphans, now I think she might just be possessed by Jacob Rees-Mogg
oooohshinythingy@reddit
The haunted Victorian pencil
Dense_Imagination984@reddit
LOL!!! Love this.
Witty_Ad_2098@reddit
Cockwomble, sausage jockey.
HolbeckMax@reddit
Wazzock Numpty
Mental-Bite9586@reddit
See you next Tuesday
BlackberryNice1270@reddit
About any female - "Oh, she has such a pretty face", meant in the way of, I really can't find anything else to compliment and at least she doesn't look like Quasimodo.
Uchibanana@reddit
Dinlow
Div/Divvy
walkersg7@reddit
Grew up in Cornwall and lived in London and around the East Midlands for a while and I’ve never heard of dinlow. Where are you from?
ZoraLillith@reddit
Not the original commenter, but im from Portsmouth and we use Dinlo and Din all the time, and i don’t know many others outside of Portsmouth using it! Its one of my favourite insults 😋
walkersg7@reddit
Interesting- love a regional insult. ‘Tuss’ is the one that was normal for me growing up but I’ve not really heard it outside of Cornwall.
IcemanGeneMalenko@reddit
How long have you got
MaverickFegan@reddit
Dodgepot Herbert, pranny, tosspot, tool, Cameron, prat, pleb, ninny, neb, narna, nincompoop.
Kjrsv@reddit
Garden gnome
Greedy_Temperature33@reddit
Wetwipe is a great one.
Alexander-Wright@reddit
In someone's house:
I'll make the tea.
Alexander-Wright@reddit
You are very nice.
eriometer@reddit
In email, "kind regards". If you really want to go for it, "kindest regards"
See also: "as per my last email"
rayofgreenlight@reddit
Do people not like kind regards?
I've been using it unironically for years. I thought it was polite.
CaptainHope93@reddit
It is polite, and it’s the standard in literally every single work email I’ve ever read. This person is a nutter.
eriometer@reddit
Or you’re not reading the room and people are mistaking your kind regards for a grave insult.
But either way seems I’m not the only nutter on this thread 😁
Kindest best wishes and all regards, Eri
CaptainHope93@reddit
Two scenarios:
1: the 50+ professional emails I receive on a daily basis, from entirely different people (most of them strangers) are from people who have collectively decided to be passive aggressive.
OR
2: you’re needlessly overthinking minor aspects of your work life, and reading way too deep into things that are genuinely benign.
It sounds genuinely exhausting to be looking for paranoid subtext in every email. Good luck to you.
eriometer@reddit
Option 3: It was entirely tongue in cheek and referencing a common running joke understood by many people.
You seem weirdly angered by this, citing how busy and important your professional inbox is and assuming I exist in a state of exhausting overthinking paranoia, when really I was just messing about on reddit. Relax, it isn't that deep.
Have a good Sunday.
Medium_Roof_3745@reddit
In my team any email sent out with ‘kind regards’ is code for ‘this recipient is a cunt, so any help we have to give them will be lowest priority’. It’s how we mark the people we don’t want to deal with.
Limpy-Seagull@reddit
'Kind regards' is fine, it's when you drop the 'kind' and just end 'Regards', that's intentionally cold.
Illustrious-Snow-638@reddit
I read it as sarcastic / passive aggressive - sorry!
fost1692@reddit
I just can't win.
I'm old enough that when I was at school I was taught to write letters. You were supposed to end them with Yours faithfully or Yours sincerely depending on how the letter was addressed. When email became a thing I carried this over, only to be told it came across as too formal. So I started using thanks, no too informal. Regards is apparently passive aggressive switched to Best regards now this is under threat, what should I be using?
GrimQuim@reddit
I use regards when I'm telling, thanks when I'm asking, thank you when I'm thinking, cheers informally.
Regards, GQ
One-Day-at-a-time213@reddit
I find the email sign off differences so interesting bc to me it's
"Best regards" = formal & polite "Thanks" = my usual casual sign off "Regards" = I have pictured committing violence against you several times by this point & wish you utter misery in your life moving forward.
GrimQuim@reddit
Depends on the email I suppose, if you've just begrudgingly reset someone's access after they've dicked it up again then a loaded 'kind regards' probably does hit a passive aggressive note, but an email explaining why the controls for their payment mechanisms require testing will not seem arsey with a 'kind regards'
One-Day-at-a-time213@reddit
I tend not to use "kind regards" tbf. Best regards or regards are my two speeds, opposite ends of the spectrum haha
Manaliv3@reddit
I just put my name
Minskdhaka@reddit
That's a bit rude if you're writing to a boss or customer, though, right?
Manaliv3@reddit
Depends on the person. I think most recognise that "kind regards" means nothing at all. Mind you, I work in an office mostly filled with women who I've heard complain about literally every form of greeting and sign off at one point or another, so you may as well roll with whatever seems right to you.
rayofgreenlight@reddit
I think it's rude as well when you email someone and they don't say hi in the reply, they just say the message.
LondonEdition@reddit
It becomes an insult when you remove the "kind" halfway through an email conversation, to show the recipient you're fuming!
Constructedhuman@reddit
It's passive aggressive and robotic
G-ACO-Doge-MC@reddit
I also use “kind regards” when I’m being polite or when emailing someone for the first time. It’s usually reserved for people who have something I want, or who control parts of my life (e.g. customer services departments, property agents).
I use “cheers” and “many thanks” the rest of the time in work and life, with the latter being more formal.
I can certainly see “kind regards” being slightly passive aggressive if you use it with someone you speak to often who’s quite hard work, or you have a terse relationship with.
Lazy-Detective-8135@reddit
I always say kind regards in my email :(
I actually think ‘thanks’ passive aggressive
SorbetOk1165@reddit
Or ‘best’
Best I think is very passive aggressive
Upstairs_Tangelo3629@reddit
Kind regards is polite, regards on the other hand
lostandfawnd@reddit
Only if you slip while typing the G
Icantspellforship@reddit
This is a weird take. "Kind Regards" is not a common insult and is a semi-formal way of signing off emails.
Spilt_Advocaat@reddit
'Kind regards' is totally neutral; 'Regards' means you're so furious you could punch clean through a wall
StrictCalligrapher31@reddit
Cumgarglingfucktard
Bebbette@reddit
Any reply starting “with respect”
andymaclean19@reddit
I think ‘Bellend’ is quite British.
2ManySpliffs@reddit
I skipped Maths frequently and the teacher killed me in a report card. “His presence enhances the class to the exact same percentage that his absence hinders it, that percentage being zero.”
He also used the word “nauze” (rhymes with gauze) for someone mildly annoying or depressing to be around; and “pillock” for someone simple or stupid, both of which I have since heard used elsewhere but only a couple of times.
Comfortable_Bug_4506@reddit
I always yhought it was ' Nause' from nauseating..
2ManySpliffs@reddit
Yeah could be that origin. On the spelling, I’ve only ever heard it said, never seen it written, so again you could be right on that one too.
Rich6-0-6@reddit
Nauze was a new one to me when I moved to Bristol, I'd never heard it anywhere else
Visible-Management63@reddit
I've never ever heard nauze, but pillock was extremely common when I was a kid, although it's declined in popularity a lot since then.
One_Economics3627@reddit
Bint is a good one. Said it this week actually in Australia 'She's a stupid bint'
My Australian boss asked what I was talking about, our Scottish boss nearly fell off her chair laughing.
Looking it's up, probably on par with the C word.
InitiativeHour2861@reddit
It's actually Arabic for "daughter of" and came into English through soilders who had been stationed in Egypt.
https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/bint
One_Economics3627@reddit
It's amazing the connotation it picked up on the way.
Far_Grapefruit_8220@reddit
Absolutely no way it's on a par with cunt. You can tell that because you typed bint twice in your post, and still censored cunt.
PerfectCover1414@reddit
Wazzock, numpty, toerag, bellend for starters!
XLwattsyLX@reddit
Don’t forget spanner as well
PerfectCover1414@reddit
Talking of tools and DIY what about plank?
el_disko@reddit
Knobjockey deserves an honourable mention too
Western-Hurry4328@reddit
Getting down to it, now. I've always liked "wart", pronounced as in "part".
IainF69@reddit
Cockwomble
Greggs-the-bakers@reddit
Anyone who uses these kinds of words is a twat
moltencheese@reddit
Bellend for starters? What are your main and dessert??
IainF69@reddit
Cockwomble
Sir_Henry_Deadman@reddit
*Absolute - (insert anything)
Limpy-Seagull@reddit
Toe
Clean-Pain-6495@reddit
Calling a person “Simple” or “cabbage”.
AtrapaElPezDorado@reddit
Bellend
Derbadian@reddit
Bellend Bellsniff Melt Jebend Wankstain Bawbag Cockwomble Slag Fanny Wetwipe Helmet Muppet Div Spakka Spanner Gimp Scroat Mug
Mixed_Fabrics@reddit
Eejit
justanAverageBloke69@reddit
Cock womble
Fucktard
ZCT808@reddit
I’d say nonce is not common abroad. What blew my mind is when I learned recently it is an acronym.
sol-949@reddit
I found the announcement a few years ago of a new American company, "Nonce Finance" pretty amusing.
Kiytan@reddit
made even funnier by the fact it was some crypto bullshit
ZCT808@reddit
My American girlfriend was cry laughing once while listening to a very serious discussion on BBC Radio 4 about how to roll, cook, and eat faggots.
FreddyDeus@reddit
Your girlfriend sounds like a right Joey.
ZCT808@reddit
Well this was years ago when she was very young. And she’d spent her whole life with faggots meaning a specific thing in America. So to hear some somber British people talking about them, seemingly oblivious to the American meaning was funny to her.
FreddyDeus@reddit
I was only replying to get a specifically British (and early 80s) insult into the conversation. 🤪
TheRealSlabsy@reddit
There's also an American rapper called The Nonce
Aid_Le_Sultan@reddit
That’s me desperately trying to work out what the acronym is for the rest of the day.
ZCT808@reddit
I won’t spoil the fun. But Google will help you out. 😂
colin_staples@reddit
I am NOT googling for “nonce”
browsingredditsubs@reddit
Ah yeah I see. Might see your own picture staring back at you.
flippitus_floppitus@reddit
Google also says it’s likely a backronym
ZCT808@reddit
Depends what you read and believe I guess. There is documentary evidence that it was used in HMP Wakefield as an acronym. But harder to prove if it had common use as just a word prior to that.
blueman1975@reddit
It comes from prisons, not on normal courtyard exercise, used for sex offenders.
Visible-Management63@reddit
They don't tend to use that term prisons these days. They are "bacons" now.
TheBeaverKing@reddit
I wouldn't stress your brain about it, it's not really based on an acronym. At best, it's a backronym
Not On Normal Courtyard Exercise.
Sex offenders in prison are usually segregated from the mainstream prisoners to reduce inter-prisoner violence. The acronym is supposed to refer to the fact they have their own courtyard (exercise) period.
Key_Milk_9222@reddit
There's a village somewhere missing it's idiot.
OrganizationOk5418@reddit
Just about all of them.
How about "helmet"?
rosegoldeverything1@reddit
OOH FRIEND!
Key_Milk_9222@reddit
Bus wanker.
rosegoldeverything1@reddit
HA! Forgot about that one. I thought of bumder before ooh friend but thought hmmm maybe that’s not allowed these days 😂😂
No_Conversation768@reddit
Yes American, good one 👏
rosegoldeverything1@reddit
lol what? I’m Scottish!
Regular-Whereas-8053@reddit
I think if you’re Scottish and you call someone “pal”, they have the potential to be on shoogly ground indeed! In other news, delighted to see that “shoogly” has just entered into the Oxford English Dictionary, along with Lorne sausage 😂
blue_tack@reddit
Square or slice sausage. It's called Lorne officially but no one calls it that 👍
Alarmed-Cod-7606@reddit
Yes they do. In Edinburgh they call it Lorne sausage for sure.
Equivalent-Tone-8824@reddit
Edinburgh are weird though
Present_Program6554@reddit
That's no one important
rosegoldeverything1@reddit
It’s funny though as when you’re referring to a pal - it’s always friendly - like “my pal Fiona….” whereas listen pal is definitely not the same type of pal 😂
I suppose the same goes for mate! But then with mate there’s also the “maaaaaaate” version when you’re kind of saying what the fuck about something!
scalectrix@reddit
Fwend.
pavlovs_pavlova@reddit
Football friend!
ForeChanneler@reddit
Don't forget the thumbs up 👍👍
TheCy_Guy@reddit
Gobshite, Wally, berk, dipstick, gormless, plank, git, bugger, twit, prat, codger, sod, nincompoop, wazzock, smeg head…
I needed that
Puzzled_Caregiver_46@reddit
"In all due respect...."
Captain_Kruch@reddit
Nonce. I've never heard anyone outside of the UK even use the term. Never mind as an insult.
Every_Ad7605@reddit
"A prize bell piece" , or "a prize ring piece"
Burnandcount@reddit
Combining the words "you utter"/"that utter" with pretty much anything can be brutally disparaging.
Examples:
You utter melt.
You utter brick.
You utter candle.
That utter lettuce.
That utter goldfish.
That utter purse.
Add an actual insult to the mix & you can expect things to get nasty... you utter bellend/that utter cockwomble etc.
NB: The most cutting English insults tend to be phrased as oblique compliments based on immediate and direct observation eg. Brave of you to choose that colour/I admire their self-confidence with that hair.
chroniccomplexcase@reddit
Called someone an “absolute pillock” (spelling/ never had to write the word before…) when driving and my friend was in the car who is from Germany and was very confused.
kate_is_lost@reddit
Sir and ma’am is only used sarcastically.
Violet351@reddit
Where I used to work we took calls from the same people all the time so much so that we recognised their voices and we were all on first name terms. There was one man that insisted on calling everyone Sir (it was a car finance company not many of the dealers were women) and I had more complaints about him than the rest of the team put together (by a long way) and most of them were “he won’t stop calling me Sir”. They all thought he was taking the mick. Every time I discussed it with him he would say he was being polite.
Midnight7000@reddit
This didn't happen. Stop telling lies.
Violet351@reddit
Hahahaha. What would be the point of me saying that if it wasn’t true? It’s not like it’s the sort of comment that would get loads of upvotes. I was his boss. I don’t know how he always managed it in such an offensive tone. I thought it was on purpose but he insisted he wasn’t
Midnight7000@reddit
Sure buddy.
Lebowski85@reddit
Mug
SuburbanBushwacker@reddit
you’ve made a huge effort also see well done you and i can’t say that i agree with you but i admire your honesty
theoutlawjosewales@reddit
Cockwomble
e1-11@reddit
100% the wrong answer. I feel embarrassed for you
Electrical-Smoke-324@reddit
Doyle is my local go to.
beatnikstrictr@reddit
A fucking not-right.
Kitkatkeely@reddit
My personal favourite is: Cockwomble
Kiss_It_Goodbyeee@reddit
Rodney, you plonka!
deadlocked72@reddit
Tadger, numpty, Diddy, fud, tube
ChaosCockroach@reddit
Wally, berk.
barnaclebear@reddit
Wally, nonce, I think paedo gets thrown about a lot more in the UK then anywhere else by young blokes.
Otherwise_Craft9003@reddit
Mate!
barnaclebear@reddit
Mate can be used in any context. Mate blunt, just basically punctuating a sentence. Mate? ‘Are you interested? Are you ok?’ Maaaaaaaate ‘oh man you’ve fucked up’ it is essentially an any word. It’s like how Japanese people use Eh a million different ways depending on how they say it.
AnxiousAppointment70@reddit
Nasty pasty Plonker Pie can Twonk Rapscallion Scalliwag Dipstick
Difficult-Chard9224@reddit
Bellend
loveswimmingpools@reddit
Honestly, it's fine. (It's really not, you tosser)
BlessedPrescence@reddit
I had a friend who insisted someone was, and I quote:
“a fucking tog 10 duvet.”
I believe that the higher the number is, the thicker the duvet is. Maybe it was his way of saying this person is thick?
I don’t know.
nini-jennie@reddit
Tog 13.5 for sure 😭😭🤣🤣🤣 10 is good for all seasons
nini-jennie@reddit
Bless you heart
mewikime@reddit
That's very popular in southern US states, so no.
ProfessorChaos213@reddit
Well you've really excelled yourself this time
TiredTiroth@reddit
Similarly, but a bit easier to understand:
Whose clever idea was this, then?
Defiant_Employee6681@reddit
“Whose brilliant idea was this then?”
AdSudden6323@reddit
Which one of you rocket scientists…
ThoughtfulMoron@reddit
Cockwomble
PangolinOk6793@reddit
Calling someone a fanny. Especially if an American is in earshot rummaging through a small bag with a large strap.
Initial-Compote5226@reddit
Brainless box of cabbages lol
weedywet@reddit
I can say “oh, right” in a way that clearly means “you’re an idiot”.
gowcog@reddit
complete and utter knob jockey
Available-Ask331@reddit
You plank
Styxand_stones@reddit
"I wish I had your confidence" said in the right way
tomm0307@reddit
I shall give your suggestion the attention it deserves.
CheapDeepAndDiscreet@reddit
Div
cr1regan@reddit
Gobshite
theoutlawjosewales@reddit
Gobshite
Just-Literature-2183@reddit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BtIAFJ7neE
Related
Just-Literature-2183@reddit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-LyFMCIpok
Oh also.
thatgirlnats@reddit
As a nurse working with international nurses, when they are doing bloods they will say small prick. The correct term is sharp scratch.
Lost_Statistician457@reddit
Maybe it’s a comment on the patient?
janky_koala@reddit
As an Australian immigrant I had to look up what div, nonce, and toerag meant.
I knew that were insults by the context, but was unsure of the specifics of when to use them as I didn’t know what each actually referred to.
Stevebwrw@reddit
Sack the juggler! Pretty specific that one.
oooohshinythingy@reddit
Pure, utter, total or absolute can go before any word
Matt-J-McCormack@reddit
Want to give Twat an honourable mention since I’ve lost count of the times I’ve heard yanks butcher the pronunciation.
oooohshinythingy@reddit
It’s funny as fk when they say it
vipros42@reddit
No other country really understands how good the word twat is
DukeyPig@reddit
“Twott”
Matt-J-McCormack@reddit
Drop it like it’s Twott
mulberrybushes@reddit
Just spit out my drink. Cheers!
DevGlow@reddit
Twot
Hipposplotomous@reddit
Twaught
Apprehensive-Stop748@reddit
There used to be a bird that said it properly https://youtu.be/yiDxtoEVpAg?feature=shared
dystopiadattopia@reddit
"Cunt." Which really seems to be only next to the N-word in severity here. It's a much less offensive word pretty much everywhere else in the English-speaking world, which has gotten some European friends of mine in quite a bit of trouble in the US.
Plastic-Camp3619@reddit
“Well we’ll keep it on the back burner…”
No you didn’t.
nini-jennie@reddit
Bloody rapscallions 😭😭🤣🤣🤣
UKS1977@reddit
I've discovered that Americans have no concept of Naff. As a term or interestingly, even as even a concept!
TheNavigatrix@reddit
Or twee.
quite_acceptable_man@reddit
'Bellend' is the favoured insult where I work.
TheNavigatrix@reddit
“I'm not sure I understand…” = “what you’re saying is so idiotic that I can’t even stretch my mind to understand what the bloody HELL you’re talking about.”
notacanuckskibum@reddit
Nonce - very bad insult in the UK. A technical programming term in America.
UrbanxHermit@reddit
"You absolute [insert any noun]".
Westlain@reddit
You Pillock
ElvishMystical@reddit
Pilchard, or even prize pilchard.
Icy_Ambassador3291@reddit
You bumder
Saliiim@reddit
Calling someone any form of inanimate object. You bloody spray bottle.
LaughingRoom@reddit
Wazzock
Dramatic_Guidance_21@reddit
Oh, aren't you a little ball of sunshine this morning!
jayyw2@reddit
Plonker.
FeistyTradition5714@reddit
Cockwomble
thereisnoaudience@reddit
You're confident
lordrothermere@reddit
How very interesting.
chmath80@reddit
That was apparently the usual response by the late Queen to any relatively dull remarks made by someone she might be meeting in the course of her official duties.
LadyBeanBag@reddit
I once found my working class arse at an event held by the Royal Navy for a government department. I was asked last minute by one of the attendees so I slung on a short dress I adored that made me look like a Victorian doll and off I went.
My mistake was obvious as soon as I walked in and all the officers wives were in floor length ball gowns. Cue an evening of them telling me about the charitable endeavours they all seemed involved in, and upon asking what I did, and on me replying, “oh I work in a shop”, they responded without fail the answer you gave. Devastating.
lordrothermere@reddit
My colleagues from overseas used to find it so amusing/frustrating that 'interesting' has so many different meanings in the UK.
Spindelhalla_xb@reddit
Dipstick.
DustyScoggins@reddit
Dinlo= someone stupid . "Squinnying" -if someone likes moaning or bitching repeatedly that's some Portsmouth words not sure how far spread they go in England
ninjomat@reddit
“I’ll think about it” means please shut the fuck up that’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard stop suggesting it
Potential_Neat_8905@reddit
Tools, Plonkers and Wankers seem very UK specific. Same for Prat, Muppet or Terry Fuckwitt.
Actual-Audience8165@reddit
Plonker
mulberrybushes@reddit
What exactly is the connection between plonk/wine and plonker/dimwit?
Dizzy_Guest8351@reddit
Plonker is understood in a lot of places due to Only Fools and Horses.
milly_nz@reddit
It was understood in MANY places outside the U.K. long before the TV show.
This sub is remarkably ignorance about what what is (and more precisely, is not) “uniquely British” language because apparently the British Empire never existed and never created umpteen nations that follow “UK” patterns of speaking English…. Ffs.
Go1gotha@reddit
As a Scot, I am very proud to say that we can say almost any string of words with feeling and make it an insult or threat (or even a joke).
Live-Cheesecake-2788@reddit
You beead bin
Sudden-Requirement40@reddit
Your taste in baby names is shocking "oh he/she looks like a name" or "that's different"
Real_Ad_8243@reddit
A long favourite of mine is fuckwit.
Because if I'm calling you that it means I reckon you've all the nous of a mouldy cumrag.
DukeyPig@reddit
Personally I prefer “you’ve all the nous of a mouldy cumrag”
Real_Ad_8243@reddit
Some people don't deserve the effort of that many syllables.
ahnotme@reddit
“Dear boy”
kentguy2024@reddit
I love you’ve got more front than (insert name of local supermarket).
gjs78@reddit
I hear your father wasn’t a wanker. That’s a shame…
Emotional-Brief3666@reddit
I said "what a Muppet" to a Malaysian colleague years ago, referring to an idiot we worked with. I saw him again ten years later and he told me he still used it.
EffingTallBrit@reddit
If I'm being upfront, I tend to go with a forceful "You spoon". Gets the point across
G-ACO-Doge-MC@reddit
I’m also a fan of “you fucken spatula”
CaptainHope93@reddit
Munter
milly_nz@reddit
You’ll find that one started Downunder and made its way north.
G-ACO-Doge-MC@reddit
Yes munter is huge in NZ/Aus
Silver-Stuff-7798@reddit
Quite.
BruceGrobbelobster@reddit
Knobhead (with extra points for Jasper Carrott-style hand signal)
Physical_Orchid3616@reddit
"I think there's been a miscommunication". Translation - you're a c*nt and it's been impossible trying to deal with you
SirPooleyX@reddit
Bell end. Fuckwit. Dickhead.
"You monumental fuckwit."
Alfredthegiraffe20@reddit
Wazzock.
GOF63@reddit
“I see you thought that out”
tinabelcher182@reddit
Tosser.
I found this out when I was studying in the USA. I had a classmate who was a woman in her 60s or so, really lovely lady who just really enjoyed having a little British gal in her class. She'd tell me all the time how much she wanted to visit and ride horses (idk either). One day in one of our classes, with less than 8 students, she calls over the table "what does the word tosser mean? I saw it on a TV show".
Obviously the other 6 students and our professor all turned around for me to explain the answer.
Safe-Midnight-3960@reddit
I’m not sure how common it is but cockwomble.
Overall-Lynx917@reddit
Well....You COULD do it that way
harpejjist@reddit
Muppet
MedicalHoneydew4534@reddit
Nothing cuts deeper than a polite British insult wrapped in what sounds like genuine praise.
kazza64@reddit
I had to google bell end
ukhamlet@reddit
"That's bollocks" as opposed to "that's the bollocks'.
blue_tack@reddit
It's amazing how that simple "the" in the middle changes the meaning completely. Non native speakers must get really confused.
R0gu3tr4d3r@reddit
Sausage
scalectrix@reddit
Potato
RomfordGeeza@reddit
What a load of bollocks
SGFCardenales@reddit
No one going to mention Div or Berk?
Chickenshit_outfit@reddit
Bellend
FarRequirement8415@reddit
Mong
Spanner
Ding
Doyl (this may be a northern one, not sure)
Tall_Pitch6422@reddit
Bell end
howdohendry@reddit
Give your head a wobble, mate
gamecatuk@reddit
Pillock.
mij8907@reddit
With all due respect
ManicWolf@reddit
Pranny.
Sorry-Cantaloupe5426@reddit
Not common but 'he's a couple of feet short of a yard'
Some-Air1274@reddit
Minging
JarJarBinksSucks@reddit
Big wow
Oli99uk@reddit
Fancy bumping into you here :-)
LondonWill8@reddit
Special
JSpencer999@reddit
Dog nonce
LondonWill8@reddit
jog on
Regular-Whereas-8053@reddit
Thanks for that, used when the person it’s directed at has been no help whatsoever.
miserable_jesowka@reddit
Anything starting with ‘Absolute’…..
No-Doubt4054@reddit
have a day off mate
Gorpheus-@reddit
Ask where in America someone is from. Works especially well if they are Canadian.
No-Doubt4054@reddit
pleb
The_Dark_Vampire@reddit
Wally
Mean-Construction-98@reddit
"Lovely one, yeah"
Hatstand82@reddit
Numpty or muppet.
Objective_Mousse7216@reddit
Tosser
daddy-dj@reddit
Joey Deacon
IamTheMightyMe@reddit
Pillock
itsdanprice@reddit
Melt
Quoshinqai@reddit
Yoo fackin doughnut
Spicymargx@reddit
Wet lettuce
happysyd13@reddit
I referred to someone as an "absolute helmet' and my American friend that I was talking to looked bemused before bursting out laughing. Said he'd never heard that term but loved it
Sink-Em-Low@reddit
"You complete wetwipe"
Monkeyboogaloo@reddit
Cock womble
blackcurrantcat@reddit
You should be very proud.
ZakalweTheChairmaker@reddit
It’s not common but I’d like ”dinlo” to make a comeback.
Also “berk” is a stealth insult even some Brits don’t know is vastly more offensive than it appears.
Thinking10Thinking@reddit
Plank or doughnut.
Own-Violinist-6133@reddit
Bus wanker
intergalacticscooter@reddit
Toss pot or Tosser.
Curious_Orange8592@reddit
Any noun preceded by absolute, complete, total or utter
Agathabites@reddit
So many
Cosmic-Hippos@reddit
Dipstick wally
qualityvote2@reddit
Hello u/flower5214! Welcome to r/AskABrit!
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