ULPT - how do you stop someone from being a lie?
Posted by TotallyTwisTedTwaT@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 15 comments
I fell in love with someone who is a compulsive liarl they lie about everything and it’s not to hurt you. It’s in fear of them being hurt. I know this pretty well as a fact, in order to get a truthful, answer it physically almost paralyze him with anxiety and fear. I’ve had a six hour conversation with him trying to find out something at the end of six hours we hadn’t even gained 2 inches but since then, as long as I can read between the lines and keep up with how the story bounces from the story to that story, to that story you can put pieces together. I know it’s a problem. How am I supposed to give someone trust if they can’t give me honesty
Emergency-Kale5033@reddit
You can’t trust someone who lies even though they don’t mean to hurt you. The fact is that lying WILL hurt you and you’ll never know whether it’s truth or lie so how can you ever get close to or know this person? Best not waste anymore time
TotallyTwisTedTwaT@reddit (OP)
to late. i already have the feelings and some time
Emergency-Kale5033@reddit
It’s not too late. You may have feelings for him, however, living with someone who cannot/will not tell the truth and whom you can’t trust is emotionally exhausting. You cannot change another person: ethically or otherwise.
Gadshill@reddit
You don’t. You move on. Sorry for the stereotypical Reddit advice, but people don’t change.
TotallyTwisTedTwaT@reddit (OP)
i respect your opinion, however should read, not all people change. i have met several people who have had miraculous changes in their life. so to group it so blunt is in my eyes a little narrow minded for the ones who are perfect.
Far-Cup9063@reddit
you can’t. I have a sister like this. her whole life she has lied, for no apparent reason other than I think it excites her. She lies about stuff that makes no sense and doesn’t matter. Most of her life she has been estranged from the rest of the family because of this. She had the same upbringing as us, and there was no abuse, alcoholism, trauma or drama. it’s just how she is.
After our Dad died, she started implying and then outright saying that he sexually abused her. We are all girls in this family, and for many reasons, the claims she started making are impossible. I tried getting us girls all together once to try to form some lasting relationships. during this event she started talking about things that happened, that were completely false and never happened. one of my other sisters spoke up and said “that never happened”. The lying sister kind of shut down after that.
‘How do you have a relationship with a liar? you don’t. I gave up.
TotallyTwisTedTwaT@reddit (OP)
damn i’m sorry you experience that.
unawarewoke@reddit
You accept that everything they say is a lie. If you can fully accept that then you can accept the truth and trust yourself. Deeply Trust that they will never be honest... There is trust there. I'd keep saying it's opposite day in my mind. And the truth will always stare you in the face.
TotallyTwisTedTwaT@reddit (OP)
I didn’t say everything they say is a lie I said close to. that’s my actual problem with it as I see through every lie and I already know the truth they knowit. but they still can’t just say it.
Turbulent-Dingo-3818@reddit
You literally said "they lie about everything" so ...
TotallyTwisTedTwaT@reddit (OP)
my apologies. i should have reread. that was an error. i left in place for reason of tracking feed.
anatomy-slut@reddit
Unless they're in therapy and HEAVILY working on it themselves- you don't. You either move on, or treat them like everything they say is a total lie. I know you said it's 'almost' everything, but it doesn't matter. This seems deeply rooted in some trauma on his end, and will require some serious intervention from a professional and it's his responsibility to initiate that- you CANNOT fix him on your own despite how much you want to, I promise. You can be there for him as a friend while he tries to improve, and you can wait to date him once when he’s in a better state, but don't get romantically involved and waste your time on someone who won't invest in themselves.
Own-Zucchini6559@reddit
Check within first.
mxvement@reddit
I’ve had all sorts of terrible boyfriends but the worst was the liar. There is just nothing worse in my opinion. It is the most awful and unworkable personality trait. Everything that is decent in the world is built on trust. I felt like a shell of myself by the end. I hope you save yourself the pain and leave this person.
AnxiouslyDetached00@reddit
I am a recovering compulsive liar, and I developed this safety mechanism as a way to protect myself from abuse growing up. Lying meant not getting beat like a runaway slave. It meant safety. But I carried this survival tactic into adulthood and in my current relationship, and it's ruining it. My partner cannot trust me and we are in a serious storm because of me. I am deeply in love with him and we have a connection like no other so I should be able to feel safe right? But it's a process that I'm currently working on. Making the conscious decision to stop myself and identify my feelings when I feel like I want to lie and choosing truth. Am I in danger and truly not safe or am I safe to speak my truth and tell my business to this person? I guess what I'm saying is, you can't STOP someone from doing something that they have no drive or plans to change, but if he's making progress and you see it and y'all are in love and want to do this, he has to put that effort forward to be a more trustworthy and honest man for himself and you. And it can be done if he wants to change. There are behaviors in everyone that stem from some type of trauma. If yall love each other and want to put work into y'all's relationship on both ends, hold onto each other tight then. Work y'all's shit out. Im probably going to get down voted like a mf, but I know that relationships take work and nothing good comes easy. If you have the luxury of meeting your person in this day and age even if they or you are at the lowest, and they want to change, then hold on to them. Especially if it's things that can be fixed. Compulsive lying can be fixed unless he doesn't want to put the effort in....