What kind of help did you get for parental burnout in the UK?
Posted by TangerineFew6830@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 86 comments
My kids are incredibly difficult, one of which has been refused assessment twice.
Things are not good for me right now, ive been drained dry and I am completely emotionally numb towards them because of this. Its like my brain has been in chronic stress mode for so long that its shut down my care, empathy and efforts.
I know the GP will say generic stuff, but has anyone actually felt like this? What helped? Which medication? Etc etc
TIA - Please no judgement ive always been the best parent I can be until now
TheGreenPangolin@reddit
You don't fix this with tablets. You need time and space to rest and think and feel.
I suggest getting a babysitter for the afternoon and using that time to find resources. Whether that's contacting the council or emailing your MP (I would suggest doing that to help push for assessment). Or finding a sunday school so you can have an hour to yourself on a sunday or a parenting group where you can swap babysitting for each other for free. Maybe their nursery knows of some free groups/activities they can go to? Or do the kids have grandparents or aunts and uncles who would be happy to do some regular free babysitting for you?
Also I would really focus on their sleep schedule to get you some time- they are nursery age, yet they are awake pretty late til 9pm so I'm assuming they are still napping. So can you make their nap times consistent (so they are both sleeping at the same time) so you get a break during naps? Or maybe stop naps so they go to sleep at 7 or 8 instead and you get time in an evening?
Some tablets might help support you through this time but you can't medicate out of a difficult situation. And then once you've got some time and space to rest, you will hopefully be able to get that to happen at a time that fits with a therapist.
Enchanting_puddles@reddit
I saw you mention in a comment about your youngest being colicky and now having eczema. Is there a possibility it was silent reflux? Reflux can be an early sign of a dairy allergy. My own youngest barely slept for 8 months unless he was upright on me. He’s 12 now and is still dairy free. He also couldn’t tolerate soya until very recently as that made his eczema worse.
Sadly with referrals it’s usually the case of those who shout loudest get heard. You need to keep on at the health visitor. The gp. Self refer to social services and tell them you can’t cope. It isn’t a failure to seek help.
Junior-Cucumber-94@reddit
Honestly? Therapy aimed at you as a person and not you as a parent.
Being a parent is only a small part of what makes you who you are, and a lot of culture is based around children being your whole life and focus to the point it’s almost taboo to say otherwise. But let’s face it, when they’re not self-sufficient then you are THEIR whole life, not the alternative.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
Ive tried it, but sadly I dont have the time for the phone call for therapy.
I completely agree with you! Thank you
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
I dont know why im being downvoted, im not lying I literally do not have a moment unless after or before 6am when they wake up 9pm where I can take a phone-call with two kids present, i work 3 days a week in a call centre with only 15 minutes for lunch, and then I have to get a taxi to get them from nursery because the time is that tight, 10 minutes from shift end to pick up.
Id love to do therapy but I cant talk with them both there for 5 seconds on the phone to anyone, ive tried therapy a few times and I had to stop because they were screaming in the background
pm_me_your_amphibian@reddit
What about the other 4 days a week? Sorry if I missed it but are you a single parent or is there a second person around?
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
There is a second parent but he works in London 4am leave time - 6:30pm home time, then we both take a child to bed each, but its really hard to get them down it can take a long time.
The days im not working I have the children the entire time, I have him on the weekends but the NHS councillors I spoke with don’t do weekends etc.
pm_me_your_amphibian@reddit
If this is important enough to you, and impacting you as heavily as you say, you simply need to find a way between two adults who decided to procreate to make this work. If you had a broken leg and needed a hospital appointment how would you find a way? You need to treat your mental wellbeing as you would your physical wellbeing.
theinfamousjim-89@reddit
It might not be the best therapy out there, but does your workplace offer any in house therapy? If they do, it's not uncommon for this to take place during your shift and (from my experience) the focus doesn't have to be on your mental health in the workplace.
Junior-Cucumber-94@reddit
Try some of the therapy apps where you don’t have to talk directly to someone, or even in a pinch Chat GPT to talk through things at your own pace with an absolutely unbiased answer - I have tried this, forcing myself to be completely honest is so much easier knowing that it’s a machine on the other side and not a person possibly judging me who may give a different answer based on their training.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
I use chat GTP alot and it really does help to make me feel like im not crazy, and its sad that I do that, but it really helps honestly. Thank you, ill take a look at some apps! Maybe even get some earbuds and just have something on while im with them to make it less overwhelming
Junior-Cucumber-94@reddit
If you want to “drown them out” but still have clarity - loop earplugs. I’m honestly terrible in loud settings like a busy restaurant or a McDonald’s but I wear these and it may be placebo but it really helps me focus on who I’m with and whatever task I’m on without all the background chatter.
Dolly9019@reddit
Totally agree! I have a whole collection of Loop earplugs for different environments. First discovered when I became overstimulated by classroom noise as a teacher.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
This is such a good shout! Thanks for the suggestion! At least it can improve my mood
Few-Display-3242@reddit
Not sad at all. It's helped me greatly in the past.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
I use it everyday, it makes me feel really understood, so so helpful, it helped me with referrals etc
Few-Display-3242@reddit
I find it particularly helpful at reframing my mindset and keeping track of my priorities. I also like to tell it to give me "unsugarcoated no-billshit advice" which can quiten down the affirmation a bit.
I'm not sure how you currently use it: venting can be helpful, as can dream analysis, but sometimes a prompt like
Ask me 10 questions about [X, Y, Z problems] to gauge my [R, S, Q values, morals, traits etc]. Ask one question at a time, wait for my response, and then ask the next question. After all 10 questions recieve a response, generate an honest report of my RSQ values/beliefsYour situation sounds rough, and I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Best of luck.
_poptart@reddit
What does RSQ mean?
Few-Display-3242@reddit
X,Y,Z just different
SerendipitousCrow@reddit
Also using it daily to deal with stress and scream into a void that won't judge me. I wouldn't call it sad, it's a coping skill that hurts nobody
No_Distribution_1876@reddit
Hey i completely relate; phone calls are too difficult for me too. I’m in a similar position, except we do have diagnosis’ If you think you might need one for yourself; right to choose via GP can be helpful. Think about short term SSRIs with GP? Lots of parents use them long term and short term to help with the mental load
I use Instagram to follow parent coaches (?) who have techniques specific to a challenge I’m facing- for example I’m currently liking these two as they’re reframing how I think about situations:
high impact club at peace parents
See if your council has a ‘local offer’ that lists support (hopefully) Check out your community or schools SEN groups for parent relation etc
Eat, drink water and get electrolyte tablets, take good supplement/s if you can and do the bare minimum. This is not forever, it will pass.
Also, check contraindications for your personal health but 5HTP is a supplement and can work quickly to help with stress. There’s lots of info out there on it and let GP know if you do decide to take an SSRI etc Rescue remedy drops and Melissa tea help too
InevitableFox81194@reddit
A friend of mine had a similar situation she finally snapped went to the gp and just sat there and cried and said "if you don't help me I may hurt myself" the referrals came flooding in.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
Yeah its rough, and its likely the only way to not be pushed aside, I feel like I have been pushed back a lot and have to had fight so hard for each of them for their issues - this is separate
My youngest has severe eczema since birth & hes skin slips off, we have 7 different steroids and creams we have 100 of, hes always got infections & his eyes are the worst, he is constantly swollen in his face and in pain, between 111/GP/Pharmacy last week it took me days to get something for him.
We have been referred twice for emergency allergy testing their response (this is a eczema specialist who works at great ormond street) ‘his eczema is causing the allergies not the other way round so its pointless’
Ffuuccckk im so sick of it
Kim_catiko@reddit
I haven't tried this myself, but look up Dr. Richard Aron for the eczema. I replied to you in a different comment asking if you tried allergy testing and seen here that you have. This doctor has apparently helped many people with out of control eczema, look it up and see if you can find a pharmacy in your area that will mix the medicine required. You have to read more about it to understand what I mean.
Have you tried cutting any food out? The usual ones at that age are milk and egg, very common.
Choice-Standard-6350@reddit
Please listen to your specialist. Not some random person on the internet
Kim_catiko@reddit
I totally understand that, that's why I said she would need to read more about it. You also have to have appointments to even be prescribed the cream that this Dr. Aron has formulated. Pharmacies have to mix it as well, so it's not some crackpot medicine or anything. I just heard good things but haven't tried it myself.
Cold_Timely@reddit
Babes I know how hard this is, make the time for therapy I'm not joking. It's worth it. The alternative is fucking your kids up forever. It's so important that you make time. Take antidepressants while you're waiting for therapy, to take the edge off and make things easier to manage.
Source: I'm doing this now for the same reasons.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
Thank you, I need to speak with work and see if I can try and get an allocated hour off the phone each week, because I only do a small amount of hours I feel its really hard with them sometimes to make provisions for me, ive had issues with this before but maybe a GP letter etc.
I work in aafeguarding human trafficking/ modern slavery that probably dosent help my feelings either!
Cold_Timely@reddit
Oh babes do you work in a contact centre? I know how hard that can be too. DM if you feel like chatting/venting.
ilikefish8D@reddit
Might be worth speaking to the local authority who could then allocate a social worker and provide support that way. From what I understand, this might look like respite, some funding for counselling. I’m not too sure of the full range of support.
I’m not sure of your children’s needs, but in healthcare there’s a term called ‘carer burnout’ so if they’re open to any services might be worth being open and honest with them too - it is a concern services need to aware of and provide support if necessary.
octoberforeverr@reddit
They won’t allocate a social worker, however they should be able to provide support through early intervention level services eg a family support worker.
Choice-Standard-6350@reddit
Early intervention is for low level neglect. If the kids start turning up at school hungry and dirty she will get this. Support services are over stretched. If the kids are okay, she will get nothing.
octoberforeverr@reddit
If that’s how it is in your area, that’s a shame. In mine, any family who is struggling and needs help will get something through early help, what that looks like depends upon the needs. Most local authorities I’ve worked for are working hard to properly embed early intervention support to prevent cases escalating in the first place. Of course the support services are stretched, they always are. But in my LA, OP would get support given her burn out is impacting her mental health.
Choice-Standard-6350@reddit
I live in a deprived area. Nearly everyone is struggling
Randa08@reddit
I have a child with mental health issues, cahms have reffered us a couple of times to social services for support and both times they have turned round and said, this is nothing to do with us, we can't help.
shrieeiee@reddit
This isn't what you want to hear, but it takes *years*. Get school to help you out, it took a long time and we thought school were doing nothing, but they came through, as did a whole bunch of other support we had given up on after contacting *everyone* initially. It's all fallen into place in the last year or so and has nicely lined up for his transition to secondary.
Randa08@reddit
My daughter had been with camhs for 5 years now, her high school were good at the time, got her counselling and they had us referred to camhs. She has then had 3 stints with the crisis care team within the last year. She's 17 now, she's going through 6 months of DBT and then she will be pretty close to aging out and going into the adult mental health's services.
shrieeiee@reddit
From what I understand, you're in for a bad time. I hope I'm wrong. Good luck, and let's hope something changes radically regarding funding for this. *Please* post at some point in a UK sub with your experiences, all my google searches have +reddit on the end.
Randa08@reddit
Yeah I've not read good things about adult mental health. I'm actually finding the dbt thing quite useful for myself. She has 1 solo session a week and then we do group therapy for 2 hours a week with teens and a parent for each. We've 3 weeks in and it's for 25 weeks so fingers crossed she will learn some useful tools.
Choice-Standard-6350@reddit
There are more resources put into child mental health than adult. Adult is focused on severe mental health issues.
JustPassingShhh@reddit
This is what I came to say
Sorry-Badger-3760@reddit
Two of my kids gave ADHD and the third has spats of being violent and pushes boundaries. They're good kids but on bad days or even on normal days I feel completely drained and one won't even go to sleep until 9pm because he can't and gets anxiety and one can be up from 5am and he likes tabletop games so he wants me to dungeon master a very intensive game from 5am. Luckily they're school aged now but can't even see myself going back to work in case the youngest doesn't take to school this year. I found exercise helps so they do it with me, and I get them to do housework with me else it wouldn't get done.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
This is really similar to my situation, but one is like that and the other is the opposite, the youngest is 3 & hes been telling me since he can talk how much he doesn’t like or love me, he hates hugs etc pushes me away when I console him, the complete opposite for my partner, its not a phase, its been 2 years, he was a ‘colic’ baby who never slept, and hes cry gives me panic attacks.
Brother is constantly attacking him
Its all fucked
MrAxx@reddit
Are you saying that the behaviour is different around/towards your partner? If so, that would probably be the place to start to understand why this is the case
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
Sorry my child who has behavioural issues is my 4 year old, my 3 year old is difficult because of the issues mentioned here, he also has severe eczema weekly infections im fighting fucking hard for this getting nowhere again, and hes anti mum and all for dad, I find it hard to bond with him as I was a stay at home mum with 2 under 2, he has eczema and colic and I guess we dont have a strong bond, and hes the brunt of my 4 years old behaviour issues
Not a happy household
Element77@reddit
I can't offer much help here but I just want to say you aren't alone. We're going through almost the exact same thing. Youngest is 3, Autistic and Non verbal, suffers terribly with Eczema too. We're getting absolutely nowhere with the Eczema issue and the autism help is progressing so slowly it feels like it's not moving at all.
The hardest thing right now is his separation anxiety with mum that causes meltdowns when she leaves the room. If she's away in work on weekends, he's fine for me, but if she's home his behavior is terrible.
Hang in there, things will get better.
Kim_catiko@reddit
This sounds so complicated, and I can't help with the behavioural issues, but has he had allergy testing done? A lot of time, the eczema is actually caused by an allergy to something either food related or environmental, sometimes both.
My son has a combination of both and is honestly so mentally draining trying to figure it out and stop the itching, so I know a very tiny portion of what you might be feeling. I went through a rough time his first year because of his eczema, which is much better than it was, but still there.
Honestly, get some allergy testing done for the three-year-old.
For the other issues, I can't suggest much outside of a Behavioural Specialist for children. Everyone else has suggested the usual routes, but something like a specialist could help to get to the root cause and focus on your family unit as a whole to see what might be going wrong.
It is so hard for the first few years before they start school, but stay strong. It really does take a village and we don't seem to have that anymore, unfortunately.
MrAxx@reddit
So yes was the answer I think you need to find out the reason for the difference in behaviour between the parents and look to address that otherwise you’re going to get nowhere
Sorry-Badger-3760@reddit
I think the main thing that will help you is to not tolerate any hitting. If there's ANY hitting now that's not solely play there's no TV for the rest of the day or even the next day, and I dont give them tablet time at all. They have switches for the weekend only. Once the hitting stops becoming such a big issue then progress can happen. Also you need to be a united front. I always back up my husband as long as he's calm (which isn't always possible) we have to yell at her else she won't listen as all and I hate yelling as it's the first step to losing control but it is what it is. People who give opposite advice and sit on their high horse don't know what it's like to have a difficult child like that. I could just give my boys a lecture and they'd say sorry and be better for at least a few hours. Make the most of it when they're being good, be kind and warm and enjoy yourself but you'll need to shut down bad behaviour immediately and it's so hard because it's constant.
Sorry-Badger-3760@reddit
Yes my youngest is five and is like that. She was much worse at three, the health visitor gave us a referral to another health visitor who gave us better tactics to deal with her and her nursery helped us deal with some of her behaviours too. She was very similar, inconsolable, would scream at me and claw my face if I tried to help her or talk to her about kind hands. We learned to take a harder approach to her and she's much better but sometimes slips back and can attack us and nursery staff. Now as soon as there's bad behaviour I get very firm and sternly say "you will NOT speak to a grown up like that. I can help you or you can go to your room" and at first she'd just tear up her room. So I just threw away her things she broke and said nothing about it. If she attacked us or anyone she got no TV that day extending to a week if it happened a second time.
I got these social story books off amazon about emotional control and even stoicism and I read it to them every day and I have affirmation cards too. Things ARE better but we go through tough patches too. Definitely try to go through you're health visitor or GP in case they're neurodivergant.
anotheraccount999999@reddit
Yoga helps a bit if you can scrape out time for it, otherwise I just had to deal with a small breakdown and suffer through it 😅 docs suggested "talking therapy" but it was basically going to a talk, at completely inconvenient times and locations so I only did one.
Sivear@reddit
Hey OP
This is such a hard time when your kids are <5.
Mine are 4&2 and are easier now but I really wondered how I’d keep going at times when they were younger.
Have you spoke to Early Help? They can offer support in various ways. An extra free day at nursery so you get some respite, or a trained volunteer who comes to your house and helps with some jobs or looks after the kids while you nap.
Happy for you to DM to chat as I’ve been where you are now and know how hard it is.
Affectionate-Way-962@reddit
Hey, just want to say that what you’re going through is huge. The levels of stress when you’re parenting complex kids and trying to get them help and navigating systems that are designed to put people off is indescribably tough. Therapy helps. A lot. I have had good experience with antidepressants. I haven’t found that social services have wanted to help but sometimes being able to tell services like camhs the full impact of my children’s needs and suffering is having on me and the family has meant my kids have had more support which has, in turn, helped me.
MrsD12345@reddit
I actually got our school nurse involved, and she helped us apply to social services for early support.
I’d been trying to get the boychild referred for Au/DHD for a good five years but because he masked so well in school, and at the GP, it wasn’t happening. He finally unmasked for the GP after 2 years and she referred him. Paeds accepted the ASD referral, but CAMHS turned down the other. They turned it down a second time too. But until I got the school nurse involved nothing moved forward.
Within a month of her involvement, he had been diagnosed autistic, and CAHMs had accepted the ADHD referral. Our nurse has been absolutely amazing in supporting me. Don’t get me wrong, they haven’t done anything massively tangible other than spend time with the kids and letting me vent, but knowing that there is someone I can call and vent to has helped a fair bit. I was also referred to talking therapies for CBT but it didn’t work for me at all.
If you have a decent relationship with your GP, I’d absolutely book a double appointment and let it all out. They will know what is available to you locally.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
Thank you this is really helpful he starts school in September x
MrsD12345@reddit
If he is still 4, then try your health visitor too. Just get every possible person you can to help you fight your corner. I’ll pop you a PM tomorrow with more info if you like?
standupstrawberry@reddit
I forced myself to start going to community groups and stay and play type things with my kids. No-one else was going to help. I went to loads until I found somewhere I didn't hate and went there every other day. It happened to be at a local children's and family community centre. They set me up with some other help, like art therapy, a parents support group (both included free creche). I started volunteering with them and then returned to work when my kids were both at school.
Just getting involved in my local community helped. I had like 1hr off my kids a week in support groups but also just had somewhere not at home to be with my kids in the mornings (I think it was 2 or 3 mornings a week) and that provided some structure that helped quite a bit as well.
Comfortable_Clock_92@reddit
If there are family hubs in your area or similar these can be a great source of advice. You may also want to seek help at a women’s charity- These often offer free counselling and classes in areas such as managing stress. Alternatively, speaking to your GP about what is happening or making a self-referral to talking therapies. Finally, peer support groups for parents can be brilliant. Some offer walking groups or getting a coffee and a chat and can usually be found on social media. Best of luck with everything!
MaaikeLioncub@reddit
Speak to your GP about help for you. You can’t pour from and empty vessel. You’ll need to self-refer, but you’ll be able to access some form of therapy through your local Trust’s IAPT service. You may also want to consider medication, depending on how you score on the depression index. But it’s completely up to you whether you want to accept meds or not.
You should have access to a course called Understanding Your Child. Apparently this is good for helping with tips & tricks when dealing with the meltdowns & juggling more than one. I was meant to attend the course when my kids were 2 & 5ish but I kept ending up in crisis care so never managed it. But I heard good things about it at the time.
But being in a better headspace yourself makes it SO much easier & clearer to deal with kids’ difficult behaviour. When I was at my lowest, I couldn’t even cope with listening to my youngest BREATHE. Her crying would give me panic attacks and I ended up with psychosis in a mental health unit.
Put your own oxygen mask on before attending to others’. Look after yourself. 🖤
Try_at-your-own_Risk@reddit
The school made a referral for me to see an educational mental health practitioner I’m not sure how it will help but as a person in a similar situation to yours I will try anything. I feel like I’m drowning.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
Thank-you, mine are not in school as of yet, its really hard isn’t it. Ive reached out my mum who basically told me to fuck off, hard pill to swallow when all 4 grandparents couldn’t care less, if i knew id have no support at all, even just to talk about I can safely say id probably not have had children
No_Distribution_1876@reddit
Check your local councils Portage service if you haven’t already
BeerElf@reddit
if they're not at school yet, it could be worth trying the Health Visitors, via the GP?
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
I spoke with HV and they came over a few times and it was like they made referrals, ive had two referrals for my eldest, both times they did not pursue despite saying on meeting him that he definitely seems to fit the remits.
Im like ok great wtf do I do now, ive read every book there is, I made it my mission to change things for my parenting/ understanding him, I just think im not built for this shit
arenaross@reddit
The fact that you are here and trying to work this out, means you absolutely are built for this and your children are very lucky to have you.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
Thank you this means a lot!
himit@reddit
Jeez. If you're in East London, let's be friends. I've got two (youngest a bit older than yours) and we can do some park dates.
Have you tried a stay & play? It's good just to get out of the house, and also to meet other mums. The library normally has different activities too.
Council should be able to refer you to parenting courses/classes, those can be brilliant.
Have you got a routine? Especially if one's ND, a routine is important. Even if you just do the same things every day for weeks to establish it. Might calm some things down.
Try_at-your-own_Risk@reddit
Doing it alone sucks I definitely wouldn’t have had children if I knew how it would turn out this way simply because I wish I could have given them a better life. It’s even more overwhelming for you since they don’t even go to school yet. We have no choice but to keep going if you are more extroverted than me maybe look at some charities from your area you may be able to find support. For me it didn’t really get easier when they started school it just became difficult in a different way. I can empathise, chronic stress can really burn you out my suggestion is you look for more support before you end up having a breakdown like I did last year. It won’t get better if you don’t reach out for help.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
I agree, i really hope your doing better, thank you so much for your kindness i find myself wishing the years away
Try_at-your-own_Risk@reddit
Thank you ask for support maybe start from your health visitor and don’t feel discouraged
Rumhed@reddit
If your kids are 3 and 4 you can definitley send them to nursery. Look out for a council owned nursery as they are free. It's only for a few hours a day but will give you chance to catch your breath and unwind it will also male them appreciate you at home more since you are their 1-1 care and at nursery it's more like 20-2.
If your not happy it rubs off on the kids and can make them act out more for attention. It's a lonley and long road but it will get better.
You might feel stuck in a rut but it does get better I promise. 3 and 4 are still young once they get to 5 you'll notice they start to relax a lot more and calm down my son used to non stop move allday.
Your 3 year old saying he doesn't love you is because he feels safe to act out at you and take all his frustration out so please don't take it offensive.
My 5yo would tell me he doesn't like me if you start asking why he will play on it. I just say 'Okay well I will always love you' and move on from it. It then becomes boring for them to say it and get the same response and it reassures them that you love them too.
IncontinentiaButtok@reddit
Free days out. Beach?fields? Picnics?,get them out & about maybe,tire them out.easy on the pockets,& you can let the little darlings run free.
HogsmeadeHuff@reddit
Jesus this sounds so full on, no wonder you are burnt out.
Does your partner help out? Is there a way to even just walk on your own for 30 minutes?
My youngest has eczema but nothing on this scale, he also has behavioural issues but they have gotten a bit better since talking. I am on anti depressants and an anti psychotic to sleep as I hit burnout and got depressed recently (I'm also likely ASD as well so not entirely down to my kids).
Is medication an option for you? Even just going to the GP if you trust them and letting it all out could help a bit.
WrackspurtsNargles@reddit
Have you got a children"s centre near you? They're always fab with signposting to services
whyy_i_eyes_ya@reddit
I’ve got it really easy with one mostly nice kid and a village, and it’s still absolutely hard as fuck sometimes.
You have a 4 and a 3 year old? Even with nothing else, you’re in the trenches right now.
No advice here really, just to say don’t beat yourself up for not always being ‘the best’. You’re being the best you can be in this situation with these circumstances. That’s all you can do. Best wishes momma.
curly-catlady80@reddit
Have a look at homestart. I'm not sure if there is an age limit on the children, but they come and do an assessment for your needs and allocate a volunteer to work on what has been identified.
I think you can self refer. There are other similar agencies if they aren't quite fitting your situation.
wardyms@reddit
Friends and family. Do you have grandparents who could help out?
After school and holiday clubs to get more respite.
Taking leave from work even when they are at school/childcare etc.
Your local authority will have a “local offer” which shows all services available in your area for children with additional needs.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
Sadly we have nobody at all. No holidays clubs in the area, not that I could afford them anyway, having two. I did take leave previously which was helpful, but now its summer holidays soon and I just am in complete panic mode, I guess we have limitations 1. Money 2. Im not driving 3. No family or friends
Thank you x
wardyms@reddit
Do your children have diagnoses for things like autism or adhd?
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
Not yet, im working on it with right to choose currently. I think a big part of my struggle is that I am constantly alone, im outnumbered and have limited resources. So lets say, we go to the park, one has a violent meltdown, I then have to physically gather and try and walk with two small children one of who is attacking me etc.
I have resulted in carrying my 3 year old and putting my 4 year old on my shoulders while hes punching me in the head so that he wont run in the road, the looks I get 😂
Dr_Gillian_McQueef@reddit
What do you mean denied assessment? Go ADHD360LIMITED they do kids on right to choose over 4 on a case by case basis
Do it. 6-8 months waiting list, the time will pass anyway.
TangerineFew6830@reddit (OP)
Im in the process of this now, denied as in they decided not to pursue it, because he masks at nursery, they did me dirty really as they see the behaviour when I collect him and drop him off
Throwawayuapchonk@reddit
Honestly none. Have children and grandparents do not help, so yeah none. Have you ever looked after 2 children without a single days break for 8 years. The wife and I have. Yes it's exhausting but we didn't have them to palm them off because there isn't anyone!
shrieeiee@reddit
Though nowhere near as bad, I sympathise a lot. My 1 kid's ASD and his mum's disabled and though we are together, the kid is mine primarily. Grand;parents cover when I *have* to be in work and very occasionally otherwise. It's fucking exhausting.
Check out your local authorities clubs etc over school holidays, YMMV, but my lad's great overall and has a good time at these. They let me regain my sanity and catch up on the housework.
rain_fall_rose@reddit
Hey sweet, I see you, I hear you.
First of all I want to say a huge 'well done' for seeing that you need help right now. It is hard to admit, hard to feel and hard to see in yourself. I am so proud of you for making this step towards trying to be a healthier happier person so you can go back to parenting how you wanted to to begin with.
You mention one of your children has been refused an assessment, could I ask more on that if I may? What assessment were you hoping to recieve for them/what do you suspect is causing the problem behaviour? And who refused it?
Do you have friends or family who can take the children for a few evenings after school so you can have some downtime?
Do you work? If so, you could ask your employer for some time off to give you a little bit of respite while they are at school.
If you have nobody who you can ask for support and help from my next suggestion would be to phone social services. I KNOW they get alot of backlash and the stories that reach the media are horrendous but the people I have (recently) met in social services have been wonderful. They will offer you guidance and support, they will help push for assessments (if needed) and much much more. I know its a scary step to take, but they really can help.
Feeling exhausted and burnt out as a parent is one of the hardest things to face because it feels like there's no escape, making the de vision to ask for help before you get worse is SO commendable and shows what a good parent you are and how much you love your children.
The last thing I want to say is... breathe... in for three, out for three... my inbox is open if you need to chat and I wish you all the best with this.
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