Does anyone have an SO who hates sailing?
Posted by AgitatedOrdinary4239@reddit | sailing | View on Reddit | 77 comments
Fortunately this is not a problem for me, but I’ve met three different people at my marina who pay all the fees for summer dockage and winter storage, spend all the time and energy to clean, paint, prep their boats, put up sails and take them down at the end of the season, only to use their boat once, or maybe twice the entire season. The reasons they give for not using their boats as much as they would like is that their wives do not like sailing and they feel guilty leaving her behind to use their boats. I don’t want to make assumptions, but it seems to me that if my SO didn’t support me in something that I enjoy doing, I would eventually get resentful. At the same time, in defense of the partners, I would get resentful if my SO spent most of their free time doing something on their own that I didn’t enjoy. I’m just curious for those who are in this position, how have you managed to deal with it?
hippieinthehills@reddit
My husband never even looked at my boat. Now he’s my ex husband.
boatslut@reddit
Ummm ... What kind of boat😁
hippieinthehills@reddit
I’m a trailer sailor, mostly puttering around a mountain lake.
Tiny boat + crazy gusty swirling wind patterns = frisky sailing. 🤣
My ambition is to get a bigger boat and start doing some coastal cruising, but I won’t know what to do with myself if I don’t have to adjust the sails every two minutes.
seamus_mc@reddit
Username checks out.
stumanchu3@reddit
Nice! Keep on doing your thing. Sailing isn’t for everyone and the ladies where I’m from usually like to go on big yacht cruises in the harbor for Chardonnay hour, but that’s about it. All my friends have boats and we have a great time doing races and small trips, but in some ways it’s good to get away for a few hours. It takes a special kind of gal that enjoys the work involved with sailing, so I salute you!
Wintercat76@reddit
My club has weekly "Ladies only" races, with as many boats participating as in the mixed races.
stumanchu3@reddit
Yeah, same thing here where I’m at. There’s a few “ladies only crew” boats that race, and it’s really cool they get out and actually kick some butt! It’s just sort of sad that it’s a men vs. women type thing.
But, with the guys only boats, there’s usually a bench of yelling and screaming and the ladies are chill, and I secretly dream of being in their boat, lol!
jvrodrigues@reddit
Yea, life is too short to spend with someone that doesn't share your passions.
twitchMAC17@reddit
It's probably the most common circumstance for boat owners tbh
MasterShoNuffTLD@reddit
My so loves being on the bait but doesn’t need to have anything to do with sailing.. and that’s fine. We usually have a bunch of people around where’s enough mix of sailors, order takers, socializers that all gets taken care of.
asaltypepper@reddit
My partner has issues with vertigo, so he has to gobble a bunch of gravol/dramamine to even step on board at the dock. So, sailing is something I do with my friends while he does his own thing! Easier that we do not have any children together - so it’s not like he is picking up all my slack while I’m out on the boat. I know it’s by far the norm, but I’m always annoyed by the cliche of “the wife” who ruins the fun. More gals should be more fun, IMO!
Snoo74600@reddit
My wife loves sailing when it's sunny, 84 degrees and 8-12 kts of wind. So...like 3 times a year
SabreSailor@reddit
My partner tolerates it but says he feels seasick a lot of the time.
I have seen lots of relationships that dealt with this problem. Generally, either the boat or the partner ends up going....
katielovescats666@reddit
Woman here, my partner doesn’t care for it. Okay cool, I’m going up to the lake on Saturday and he can play video games or do one of his hobbies. Well come back together and have dinner. All is well.
My mom used to like it but does not anymore. My dad still invests almost all of his time outside of work into sailing and working on his boat. my mom is a bit controlling about how much time he spends at the lake and i don’t like that because they never spend any quality time together at home.
I know of plenty of people at the marina who have a partner who doesn’t care for sailing. They come for the yacht club dinners occasionally to socialize. Otherwise yeah the sailor sails and then goes back home early for dinner dates with their partner.
I don’t think it’s bad at all to have separate hobbies from your partner. You’re individuals after all.
TheGroanMan@reddit
After 2 years of sailing, my wife admitted she hates it last month. I guess I'm gonna hone my solo sailing skills...
TauIs2Pi@reddit
It's the solo docking skills that you'll need.
TheGroanMan@reddit
So true. That's what's holding me at the moment. When the wind is low, I have no issue but when the wind picks up, it's a different ball game.
runningdevops@reddit
These are over-priced pvc pipes, but they make solo docking WAY easier for me. I'm able to snag a cleat with one hand from the helm, while holding the wheel/throttle with the other hand
TheGroanMan@reddit
That's pretty smart! Thanks for the tip!
Pyro_Joe@reddit
Sadly, unless you are very comfortable financially or she actually wants you to have a hobby without her, this is not a good sign. Hands up who has seen this pattern before: couple buys a boat, they go sailing, first 6 months (maybe) all good. They get into club racing, and now they are sailing every weekend, cooped up on the boat. Maybe he raises his voice once too often. She decides that she doesn't like sailing, he keeps sailing on his own, or with crew, she finds other things she wants to do (maybe those things need some of the discretionary budget). 6 months later, boat for sale.
TheGroanMan@reddit
I can see how that could go but, not in this household. We are very independant, we both have our hobbies. I just thought this one might become OUR hobby but alas, it will remain mine alone until my ADHD brain sets its aim on my next financially questionable one.
oldmaninparadise@reddit
Been solo sailing for the past 40 years. Wife will accompany me, but not her favorite thing. For the past 25 years on 35 to 40 cruisers.
BE ON A MOORING! Can't solo easily from a dock unless there are people to help.
On the mooring, drop, run back to helm, go. I would say I pick up the mooring 90% on 1st shot. Trick is to be going fast enough that it keeps way so direction stays on, but not too fast to overshoot. You have to leave helm, run up, grab, and get a loop on. If not, run back, get to helm before you hit something
sailingtroy@reddit
Racing. You will hear commisery, camaraderie, and community in racing.
Hot_Impact_3855@reddit
If they get seasick, they hate anything to do with the ocean other than sitting on a beach looking at it.
SDN_stilldoesnothing@reddit
My SO doesn't hate sailing. She just hates that I sail.
mean--machine@reddit
This is why I bought a dingy. 5 min to a local lake, can do it all myself, I'm all wrapped up in 3 hours.
WolfgangHoyer@reddit
Same here. We've got a 23' trailerable that we take "camping" a few times a year. Wife doesn't care to heel too far so I'm conservative with how much sail I put up.
I have a 16' Windmill that I take out locally every time the wind blows. One loop around the lake, three hours later, I'm backing into the shed.
Inevitable_Positive2@reddit
My buddies wife hates the uncomfortable points of sail where the boat is titled to any significant degree so we try and just hold long tacks or only use the jib when shes out. I think shes warming up to it. Besides the occasional windy day where we get a little too into the actual sailing aspect for her liking. I think you just have to sell the non-extreme sailing parts of boat life like the booze cruising and anchoring overnight stuff. Or the marina social events or other aspects to get them into it. But you cant make someone love something they just dont like. Luckily my wife kind of likes sailing. I think she prefers just being on the water and doesnt really love the aggressive sailing stuff yet. But I think shes coming around there. I personally have hardsold the weekend overnighter as a great inexpensive vacation option and I always push to do that instead of taking any weekend trips anywhere else.
catsmeow202@reddit
Both couples need to enjoy sailing. Otherwise down the road it's going to put strain on the relationship. I have seen people separate because they had nothing in common. I'm a pisces....so live the water. 😉😏
SVAuspicious@reddit
Am I the only one to think of this?
boatstrings@reddit
My SO is equal in this. She grew up sailing. One of our earliest 'dates' was when I asked her to sail from Maine to England on a delivery I had. She can do diesel engine maintenance, boat plumbing, teak finishing, basic navigation, and canvas sewing/repairs. Yeah, I hit the jackpot with her.
eotty@reddit
Wife loves boats, hates sailing, the solution was we bought a small 14ft dinghy for me and we are in the market for a motorboat now.
dirtyvm@reddit
When we were looking for our boat just about every for sale vessel was "wife hates says the boats got to go." Then after two years of cruising number of people we met whose wives hated it were forcing a sale. To be fair I'm on French Polynesia so a lot of this is after 30 day crossing and big weather and seas.
Have met a fair number of men solo out here. Which as lead to the saying "you can be married or happy just not both."
LastHorseOnTheSand@reddit
Doesn't hate it per se but hates the faff around it. I've upgraded to a boat where I can step the mast, launch and sort everything out myself while she's chills with the kid
smudge390@reddit
If anyone needs a sailing buddy after their SO ditches them I am based near the Solent and available most weekends.
is0ph@reddit
Recently talked with a guy while docked and I learnt the term "sailing widows" from him (he was in that situation). We sailed for a couple of weeks recently and saw lots of boats with male crews. When in harbour they spend time on their phones talking to their wives.
AnonTrueSeeker@reddit
I actually love sailing but am a very nervous sailor/doesn’t like being out far on the ocean lol. I am also VERY awkward and clumsy 🙈. So, while I enjoy learning about sailing and try to get less nervous, I don’t make for a great sailing buddy lol. My poor husband has had to rescue me from the water on more than one occasion lol.
PM_ME_YOUR_FAV_HIKE@reddit
Wait, you guys have SO's?
easynaissance@reddit
IKR. Who are these Don Juans and Juanitas
TechnicalCookie5@reddit
Not always the case, but I noticed that quite often when there were couples where one party didn't like it as much as the other (usually the wife) it was because no one had given them the opportunity to learn how to sail themselves. A few went on to do a course e.g. day skipper, came back and did a whole 'I am the captain now' 180. No one likes just being ballast.
domesystem@reddit
My wife sure hates when I send her boat listings. 😂
mag_safe@reddit
I’ve known guys that have women in their lives that hate sailing. Unfortunately as a woman that has gotten me in trouble.
1nzguy@reddit
One thing I learned a few years ago , she didn’t like sailing, sitting there doing nothing, so I taught her to sail the boat while we headed to waiheke island which has rather nice restaurants , we ended up going places , the sailing was just the means to get there, then days out and about where her thing !! , I still had to maintain bloody boat . We sold the boat for deposit on house about 20 years ago … just last week she mentioned that she misses it …
Ancient-Bluejay2590@reddit
I guess I was lucky. I was sailing way before I met my wife. Racing mostly. She knew it was a package deal even though it wasn’t her thing.
Now we sail together most weekends. No racing, but cruising with friends and family.
Interestingly, it was Covid that made this happen. We had our bubble of family and we sailed almost every weekend during 2020 as it was something normal that we could continue doing.
baledinred@reddit
My wife declared that she hated it, then that it wasn't so bad after trying it once or twice. That said, any overnight trips I just see her at the dock when I return
weed_donkey@reddit
Yeah mine hates it. I just go out with other friends.
In exchange, she takes ballet classes like 5 days a week. A thing which I have no interest in.
It all balances out.
_Barbaric_yawp@reddit
Exactly. She goes to Piano Camp, I go to Nantucket Race Week. Everything balances out.
Confident_Respect455@reddit
That’s the key here… have each other have their own solo leisure time, otherwise you want to kill each other in a few years.
drossmaster4@reddit
My dad sailed 60 years of his life every week. My mom was married to him for 55 of his sailing years. Hated every one of them. Only went when they entertained friends. They had their own interests and they respected that. Worked just fine.
LegitMeatPuppet@reddit
Pretty common scenario, there is a great book on the topic: “Getting Her on Board” by Nick O’Kelly. The book starts by mentioning that rolls can be reversed but it’s more typical where the male is the sailor. Nick has some YouTube videos as well.
TemperatePirate@reddit
My husband isn't interested. I raced with my Dad and now I race with my son. My husband is always happy to be at home and feed us when we get off the water
We did some cruising and I bought a cat for that. He really didn't like healing
boatslut@reddit
Maybe he just a dog person 😁
vanalden@reddit
I hope your husband gets better soon.
vanalden@reddit
The owner of Hallberg-Rassy yachts, Magnus Rassy, is known for telling the following story, in response to a question from a journalist on which other manufacturers are his main competition.
"We don't have competition from other builders. Once a gentleman has decided he wants a Hallberg-Rassy yacht, the only competition we have is from his wife. Sometimes, when a gentleman and his wife visit our yard, the wife doesn't like our boats and they leave without placing an order. Sometimes, a year later, the gentleman returns with a new wife and orders a boat."
Angry_Sparrow@reddit
It is rare to find a wife that enjoys it. Many of the women I met cruising got seasick and were gritting their teeth and getting through it for their husbands. Sailing around the world.
BTree482@reddit
Yes so I solo sailed 100%. Then sold the boat and got an RV (camping van). She loves that so that’s great. One day though I will have another boat.
RegattaTimer@reddit
She doesn't hate it, but she's had a panic attack EVERY time I've ever taken her out. At least one of those was my fault.
Lazy-Conversation-48@reddit
We made the mistake of trying to learn how to sail while bringing our kids with us. Our oldest is REALLY risk-averse. He hates anything to do with it to this day. Should have waited till it looked like we knew what we were doing. lol
Panem-et-circenses25@reddit
Yep. Wife hates it. Oh well
vanalden@reddit
Are you missing her?
hilomania@reddit
Mine hates it. I mostly camp cruise. On most raid events i visit it's mostly a sausage party...
cross_x_bones21@reddit
Eh. If they don’t like it, they can stay home
TallBoiPlanks@reddit
My wife loves being on a sailboat… she doesn’t love doing the sailing as much. She loves entertaining on the boat and taking people out, but it’s often single handing with people in the way. I’m fine with this arrangement as I still get to solo sail when I want (my favorite) and can have my favorite company whenever. It also means I don’t have to feel as bad if I go out without her or if I spend a lot of time working on boat, as it provides her her favorite way to relax.
uninsane@reddit
She doesn’t hate it as long as she doesn’t have to touch a line or do any work
duane11583@reddit
the g.d. boat is tipping make it stop…
I_Think_Naught@reddit
Spouse is not a reliable sailing mate so I would basically be single handing and she doesn't like wind or cool weather.
We each scored several activities from 1 to 10 and added the scores together and the highest combined score was cycling so our together thing is riding tandem bikes and it gets top priority.
I might join a sailing club again. Nobody is stopping me but it is a 90 minute drive to Berkeley and two hour drive back.
jdege@reddit
I had a dream of living on a cruising sailboat, took some sailing classes, then moved to Kansas and simply gave up on the year.
Sometime later I became involved with a redhead, for whom the idea of spending time in the tropical sun was torture, not pleasure.
Many years later, as I was looking for what to do after I retired, and the relationship having ended, I realized I could afford a boat. So now I'm refitting a boat.
During the time I was involved with someone who could not share this dream, I simply never considered it. It's not like I decided to not pursue it, it's that it never crossed my mind.
Ahlarict@reddit
My wife doesn't enjoy sailing, but she has many other fine qualities, so I don't hold it against her.
woodworkingguy1@reddit
Mine does not care for it either but she is happy to let me do my couple times a year week long guys sailing trips.
Ahlarict@reddit
Yup. I think she kinda feels bad for not being eager to share in the activity, so she’s otherwise pretty supportive of me going out with others. She does head out with me once in a while and has grown more competent and confident over time.
ricktara@reddit
Yeah, I sold my sailboat, bought a main ship 390 cuz she didn't like leaning. The trawler sucked to steer and the fun I had sailing was gone, sold that too and now we go camping
KoalaOriginal1260@reddit
Lots of ways of doing it:
My parents eventually settled on having my mom meet us at the destination. She liked dock life, didn't like anything other than flat calm seas.
In my own case, I know we aren't going to get enough use out of our own boat, so I am in a boat co-op where I split a 30ft boat 10 ways. My family enjoys sailing, though, but it means we aren't doing all the work and spending all the money to prep a boat for one trip a year.
My wife and I have different hobbies, and it's not a problem with the right outlook. For a few years, I spent a lot of time racing every Sunday on a team. I like to say we measure our honeymoon period in contact hours 😅. Having a personal life independent from your spouse is healthy, imo. You just need to make sure you are also blocking time for stuff you like to do together.
naked_nomad@reddit
Never would have bought our sailboat if my wife had not been so insistent about us getting one. It was HER boat and she did not let me forget it it.
Fortunately it was an 18 footer on a trailer so we kept it in the backyard. 10 miles to the ramp and 20 minutes from arrival to underway.
Accomplished-Guest38@reddit
Yup. Wife hates boats, I'm a maritime academy grad. She doesn't join us for sails, she gets some time to herself.
Icy-Artist1888@reddit
My wife is a fairweather sailor. I ve put a lot of effort into singke handing my boat
surelytheresmore@reddit
I did! Found a new partner
ozzy_thedog@reddit
I’m about to get a smaller boat that I can deal with alone. I haven’t had my 20’ boat on the water in years because it’s a bit of work alone, never mind the discussion of ‘hey I’m going to go work on the boat today’ doesn’t always go so well when they don’t share your passion.