When is a stag or hen simply too expensive?

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dinotoxic@reddit

No real limit to be honest, if it’s a good group and close friend I’ll go, anything about £2k all in spend I’d maybe have doubts.

Thankfully we’ve usually kept spend to about £200-£500 for the travel and accom stuff and booked events, then spending on top is depending on how hammered we want to get. All in they’re usually about £800-£1000.

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Tnh7194@reddit

Depends on how close I’m to the person and how fun it’s supposed to be. If it’s tropical escape in winter with luxury activities planned, I’ll spend my money. If it’s peak season megalouf with magic mike strippers and clubs, I’m out

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Sea_Praline_6343@reddit

I've just been on a hen and it ended up costing me over 1K and I stayed in on the last night because I couldn't face anymore expense. I think this was excessive, tbh. My husband has been Invited on the stag and we're totting it up to be around £1500.

Never again.

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spacemanmoses@reddit

I pretty much hate drinking, so £0 😅

I've been to them in the past and never enjoyed them, so now I would decline with love, and take them out for a meal.

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NoLove_NoHope@reddit

I’ve been invited to three hen dos in recent years: * Centre Parcs Longleat - was too expensive for me, especially with the short notice I was given (2months). Would’ve been around 1k pp for accommodation and activities for 3-4 days * Tenerife - worked out around £550pp, all inclusive for 7 days. This was affordable for me since we could do instalments and had a lot of notice. * A party brunch and then the local pub - probably spent about £100 in total that day. Could’ve made it cheaper by drinking less.

It really just depends on what the activity is and where it is. £550 for a week in the Spanish sun was good value, £550 for a couple days in Cornwall I probably wouldn’t want to pay out for.

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DeHarigeTuinkabouter@reddit

Is 550 pounds affordable if you have to pay it in installments?

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NoLove_NoHope@reddit

I didn’t HAVE to pay in instalments, but it did help with general cash flow.

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TooLittleGravitas@reddit

What alternate world have I fallen into where £1000 is reasonable for a stag/hen party? And not even abroad.

A week in Tenerife for £500ish sounds OK as it's a holiday too - but still a lot for someone else's event. Sister or best friend, maybe.

I know I'm getting old but...

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NoLove_NoHope@reddit

Yeah the centre parcs do was just insane. Unsurprisingly that bride turned out to be the biggest bridezilla, so I really dodged a bullet there. A few of the bridal party were kicked out because they couldn’t afford to go, especially with such short notice.

I didn’t think tenerife was too bad, but the group of us that went are all really close. So it didn’t feel too different from going on a girl’s trip or going away for a birthday. And it was over the Easter bank holidays, so I only had to take a few days off work. If it was someone more distant to me then maybe I’d be less inclined to go.

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dinosaur_possum@reddit

Agree with a lot of this, but have to say a week for a hen/stag is taking the piss somewhat. Will totally depend on age/life stage I guess but I only get a certain number of days off a year!

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tobiasfunkgay@reddit

but have to say a week for a hen/stag is taking the piss somewhat

All depends on the scenario tbh. As you get older getting people together becomes impossible but suddenly label it a "hen" and everyone is much more free to jump at the chance. I wouldn't invite 30 folk away for a week but a close group that used to holiday together and wants a chance to do it again makes perfect sense.

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NoLove_NoHope@reddit

Yeah I definitely get that! To be fair, it was around the Easter bank holidays as the bride is a teacher. So I only had to take 3 days worth of annual leave.

If it was a random week in the middle of the year, then yeah it would’ve been difficult for some people to do the whole time.

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slade364@reddit

Yeah, my thoughts too. My missus went on a hen last year - 8 days at an Italian villa.

That's just a nice holiday. She had a great time obviously, but now there's talk of a 2 week hen party next year in Miami. She said she'll probably go for a week, but still, it's a hell of an expectation from the hen!

Planning one right now, and Fri-Mon is the longest I find reasonable, especially if you want all of your friends there and not ruled out by finances/work.

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Loud_Fisherman_5878@reddit

Two weeks sounds mad! It’s one thing if it is just a two week holiday with friends but presumably on a hen, you are expected to always do whatever activities the hen wants to do and it is all about them?

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WanderingLemon25@reddit

£100 on drinks, and the rest love ;)

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NoLove_NoHope@reddit

What a weird comment to make.

It was £100 for the brunch and the drinks at the pub later….

And for posterity’s sake, I didn’t drink all of the drinks that I bought. Some were for the bride and we also took turns buying rounds of shots.

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AliAskari@reddit

How long is a piece of string?

Depends on a case by case basis what I’m willing to pay.

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WiseBelt8935@reddit

How long is a piece of string?

read the label it should say on their

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Hadenator2@reddit

On their what?

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DogSuicide@reddit

It's spelled label actually

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WiseBelt8935@reddit

i see your string is very short

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Winkered@reddit

Twice the length of the middle to the end.

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BenOctane@reddit

Just say twice half it's length

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volunteerplumber@reddit

Easier to say twice as long as half it's length.

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s_walsh@reddit

In that case, most I'm willing to pay is £700

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bunchofrightsiders@reddit

I'll take that bet x

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Wise-Application-144@reddit

becoming increasingly lavish costing more than a summer holiday.

This is definately a thing with milestone events - we're getting "birthday weeks", weddings in other hemispheres, stag dos in multimillion pound villas. At the risk of sounding old, I blame social media and the Kardashianisation of social events.

And "lavish" is the word that really bothers me. To me, it means that the priority is wasting money. Something can be expensive and still be great fun and value for money. I've been on dirt cheap stag dos that were great, and expensive ones that were great, and the common factor was that the organiser was considerate of the attendees budgets and focussed on making sure we had lots of fun.

...the shite events I've been to were focussed on being "lavish", where everyone was just performatively throwing away cash without actually getting any fun in return.

I'm doing pretty good financially but I have a responsibility towards my family not to waste too much money - after all, they could do with a holiday and savings for uni. Obv I still wanna have fun and attend stag dos, but there's a point beyond which you're just a working class schmuck cosplaying a billionaire by throwing away a years worth of Lidl shopping money, and it's just a bit pathetic.

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INTJinx@reddit

I had a friend who wanted us to fly to Las Vegas for her hen AND Mexico for her wedding. She ended up eloping, I don’t think anyone was up for it.

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GetYourRockCoat@reddit

Well my Mrs sister is getting married next month.

She had 4 hen do's. For various groups of friends. My Mrs was expected to go on them all, we drew the line at the Abu Dhabi one. Not a chance. Already done South Wales, Bath and Newcastle.

I'm off on her fella's one in a couple of weeks. No desire to go. We have almost zero relationship and it's just ladsladslads stuff in Liverpool. I agreed as it seemed as though it wouldn't be too bad. But activities etc are now taking in over 500. Plus I don't drink and they are all relentless with it apparently.

I'm not pleased.

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Paul_T_M@reddit

Just cancel, sounds like it'll be shit for you especially as you don't drink and not your vibe

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GetYourRockCoat@reddit

Yeah not that kind of family.

Her lot are very judgey and hold a grudge like a Marvel villain. It's just easier to go. I'm going for the wife really, I don't want her lot being off with her because I couldn't just suck it up for a few days.

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AndyVale@reddit

Hey GetYourRockCoat, it's me, your boss. Listen, I'm going to need you to come in to work in a couple of weeks over the weekend. It's urgent, I will fire AND kill you if you do not attend, it is mandatory. Sorry to do this, but you're our only hope.

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Fit_General7058@reddit

When it's not one night out and done

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cbaotl@reddit

I dread the thought of being asked to go abroad for a hen do. No idea how I’d afford it, and especially as I’d likely not want to go

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Firm-Avocado6254@reddit

Every time

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Live-Negotiation3743@reddit

Only willing to attend events just on the day. Not interested in overnights or abroad. I wouldn’t spend more than £100 tbh. And there is no way I’m being added to a group chat about it 😅

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velos85@reddit

Depends on what it is. If it's expensive for the sake of it, I'm saying no.

Pub crawl at £400pp, no chance. £400 for a long weekend abroad, I'm in.

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Traditional-Idea-39@reddit

How could a pub crawl possibly be £400pp!?

Even if you’re in central London paying £8 a pint, 10 pints is £80. Throw in two meals and two ubers and I don’t see how you’re breaching £150.

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Discopants180@reddit

Travel, hotel, activity, food, drink, gear...

Seems easily doable even if it's one night.

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char_binx@reddit

Gear 😂😂

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glasgowgeg@reddit

How could a pub crawl possibly be £400pp!?

Travelling to Glasgow, getting a hotel, and doing the subcrawl could easily approach £400pp depending on where you travel from.

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NoLove_NoHope@reddit

Tbh it could be done in central London if you’re mainly buying spirits and happy to get that properly wankered.

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s_walsh@reddit

They're using that price as an example, the numbers aren't literal

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ImpressNice299@reddit

The average cost of a hotel room in London is £248. More on a busy night.

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IgnorantLobster@reddit

Lol - they’re clearly not being particular with the price.

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Jughead_91@reddit

But if it’s in a different city to where you live, cost of train, city transport and hotel could easily push that number much higher

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buttpugggs@reddit

I think they're just using arbitrary numbers to express their point, it's not literal...

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Mred80@reddit

Gak

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Desperate-Smell2047@reddit

There isn’t a figure but it’s less than all the guys I want there can comfortably afford. People make the event not now much you spent.

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cgknight1@reddit

Case by case basis - it gets trickier as you get older and the range of incomes gets wider - which leads to other problems (e.g. some people happy to share rooms in a doss house, others want single room in decent house).

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discoveredunknown@reddit

This seems to hit a massive stretch point around your late 20s, has salaries and careers progress. I’ve turned down a weekend away with my mates, because they were happy to doss in some soviet style bunk house where it was 4 beds all sharing one toilet. No thanks. I want my own room or I’ll share with 1 person if I have to. Preferably own room.

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tobiasfunkgay@reddit

Is that not a bit sad though that you'd miss a weekend away with friends for such a big event in someones life just because you don't have a luxury enough room? I can well afford and would prefer my own room ideally but I never turn down a stag just because I need to sleep in a room with a few other people. Throw an eye mask on and airpods in and sleep away.

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jimbobsqrpants@reddit

Depends on how close friends etc etc

Most of my close friends would have similar tastes, and if I told them that what they were doing want simply not for me they would be cool with it.

Life is too short to have shitty experiences

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DogSuicide@reddit

Life is too short to have shitty experiences

Next week - does anyone else find having close friends is difficult to

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NecroVelcro@reddit

Ah, the arrogance of those without sleep problems and/or sensory disorders.

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tobiasfunkgay@reddit

I mean these replies have all been framed in the “I used to do it but now I have more money and I’m above that by choice” sense not that someone has a long term condition that means they’ve never been able to do it or physically can’t.

That’s clearly what I meant here.

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glasgowgeg@reddit

I want my own room or I’ll share with 1 person if I have to. Preferably own room.

Couldn't you just get a hotel with your own room nearby and still have went then?

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cgknight1@reddit

Yeah - I'm 49, I'm not sharing rooms or staying in a shit hotel.

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slade364@reddit

I'm 34, don't mind sharing a room, but not in a shithole. If it's a villa / airbnb with twin beds, that's fine.

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Dogstile@reddit

Honestly so long as its clean and warm I couldn't care if the place is a shithole, in all likelihood i'm only going to be in that place for about 6-12 hours of the trip depending on if we're staying one or two nights and we'll be out the rest of the time.

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slade364@reddit

Well yes, but shitholes usually aren't clean or warm (/AC'd), that's why they're a shithole ;)

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cgknight1@reddit

So as an old man - pool and/or sauna is a bonus but has to have a decent breakfast and it should be of high enough quality I cannot hear other guests.

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Caruserdriver@reddit

Assuming youre not married/no kids? Once you have those, you'll want your own space when you can get it.

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cgknight1@reddit

So in my early 30s I would have likely said yes, forward fifteen years and as my income has increased and my ability to say no has increased, I have become more stuck in my ways...

I really privilege having time on a trip where I do not need to deal with other people.

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zonked282@reddit

Fully agree with these points, been to stag's in early 20's where it was essentially minibus travel, beer money and half the guy's slept on the beach because they didn't want to waste money on a Room, now it's mid 30's it's a few hundred each for rent a air BnB with enough space for everyone to have a dedicated room, streaks at a fancy restaurant and several official but expensive activities around the area....

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dinobug77@reddit

Mid to late 40s and had a week snowboarding for one this year.

Other was a full day planned in Bristol but book your own hotel so could choose spend.

Also as you get older and know people usually everyone is happy to get different activities/rounds to approx match spending.

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AndyVale@reddit

Yeah, late 30s and I've been on a couple of stags now where there is an 'official' budget hotel for the group but it you want to get your own room or stay somewhere a little nicer then it's no problem.

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DogSuicide@reddit

Imagine going on a stag do and leaving the group to go to your nicer hotel by yourself 🤣🤣🤣

This is a very 'Reddit normal' behaviour

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soulsteela@reddit

This so much, I’ve slept rough in Amsterdam more times than I can count but now , if it’s not a taxi straight to the hotel from the airport I’m out.

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smashers090@reddit

I’m mid 30’s, when is the streaking in fancy restaurants supposed to start? Should I add that to my stag itinerary?

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zonked282@reddit

Nah , make them sleep on the beach 🏖️

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Big_Lavishness_6823@reddit

It gets easier to say no as you get older though.

Anyone I'm sufficiently close to to consider an overnight stay is sufficiently self-aware snd considerate to take the rest of us into account when making plans. And if that isn't the case they've done us both a favour, and I hope they have a lovely time.

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charlottedoo@reddit

I’ve had two this year. One I went to and one i said no to because of the price. First one £200 for accom, things to do and bottomless bunch so not really needing to order more drinks. The other a few days in Paris. I asked one of the others who went and it ended up being about £1500 for 3 days.

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Pyrex_Living@reddit

Horses for courses. Can’t say I’ve ever been priced out of a stag do. Been to one to Krakow that cost probably £600~£800 all in, also been to Miami and that cost £10k ish probably more

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extinctionAD@reddit

I’ve drawn the line this year with a stag do in Portugal.

With flights, hotel, spend, chipping in for the groom…it was looking like an easy £700. The groom’s dad is going obviously but he’s a multi millionaire - so found it odd he wouldn’t just pay for his son’s stag in full and save his friends the hassle? I dunno, bit weird.

Both mine and the wife’s 40ths are this year, we have a family holiday booked and we’ve just bought a new car. So it isn’t happening.

However, as a younger man with no kids, mortgage or responsibilities I’d have said yes to absolutely anything. Week long in Vegas? Sounds good.

Depends where you’re at and priorities etc etc. For some, there will never ever be a line.

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Important-Maybe-1430@reddit

I signed up to one in Uk, they said a gig and few drinks cool. So i booked flight an would combine with seeing family, i said id get a hotel after. Then they said how about lunch before gig, day drinks then gig, then night out; then expensive airbnb, then a boat ride next day, another brunch, games and a super expensive restaurant, and a second night in airbnb and my £100 night including gig ticket suddenly looked more like £300. Im staying the one night it just got stupid.

Now they expect city breaks and ibiza holidays

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powpow198@reddit

When it's more than you would spend on your own holiday for the same amount of time.

Had a mate who had one booked abroad and it was gonna be 2k. I've never spent 2k per person on a holiday, even for a week.

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Restorationjoy@reddit

To my mind, anything beyond one meal and drinks and one activity is a lot to ask in terms of cost, time off work, hotel costs, trains, flights, activities etc. it’s a balance to get something fun and that includes everyone v something which feels very self indulgent and where everyone is secretly bitching behind the hen’s back about how much is being asked of them in terms of cash/time/convenience.

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No-Salamander9732@reddit

More than 50% of my monthly take home would be my limit, could maybe stretch it given advance notice/close friend/desirable location

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bduk92@reddit

I think it depends totally on the type of group you have, and the sort of social meetings you normally have.

Personally I've always hated feeling obligated or trapped into doing something expensive, and I didn't want to impose that on anyone else.

For my stag, I did Go Karting, and then a meet up in the city for a bit of a pub crawl, then stopped off for kebabs on the way home.

Karting was £45 per person, and the pub crawl is as expensive as you want it to be. The key for me was to allow people to spend whatever they felt comfortable with. Some came just for karting, some came for 1 beer, but most stayed for the whole day.

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LongjumpingStep5813@reddit

Also depends how much I want to go, for example £400 for an adult weekend in butlins - I’ll pass, £1000 but it’s 4 nights in vegas yes please

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Thorpedo870@reddit

Yeah Ive done plenty abroad

Vegas Hamburg Prague Amsterdam Magaluf

Great memories and often as easy pass from the wife

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itstruestu@reddit

Is it normal to pay for the stag if it's a going away type of stag-do?

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Dependent_Phone_8941@reddit

When I was planning one I asked people’s budgets, set it a little below the lowest then anything I booked above that I paid for.

I was in a little different position that most people planning these but man that was a great stag.

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parkscon@reddit

I'm arranging a stag do for September. 2 nights in a hotel in Brighton, clay pigeon, assault rifles, a guided pub crawl and shuffleboard. All in comes to £350 each. I've already had someone moaning it's too expensive. I was upfront with the expected costs too.

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AdonisCarbonado@reddit

Have been a best man a few times now & nearly always have decided to throw 2 do's. One local one and one foreign one. Folk get to choose then which and what without it being an issue.

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Top_Nebula620@reddit

When you can’t afford it.

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SomeHSomeE@reddit

I'm single, 30s, no kids so I have the disposable income.

I've paid £200 for a weekend in Oxford and I've paid £1.5k for 2 weeks in Barbados (albeit that was stag and wedding combined, and I tacked on extra to make a holiday out of it).

All that is important is that the best man (or whoever is planning) reads the room and goes for a cost that at least a majority of the people can afford, is open and transparent from the start of ballpark costs, and there is no judgement for people who either can't afford it or otherwise choose not to go, or where applicable who go to only part of it to save costs.

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Klakson_95@reddit

When I was best man I worked out how much it was likely to cost roughly, then in the group chat put that cost in before booking anything. Just to make sure people had the chance to decide before anything was booked.

Then when it came to booking it was only £8 more than I had quoted

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Railuki@reddit

I agree on the no judgement thing.

There is nothing worse than people bullying you with “It’s just £100!” While you can’t afford to eat and pay your bills. It makes you not want to attend anything at all, and it always somehow gets reported to the bride that you’re being stingy (luckily the bride knew my situation and admonished her MoH for pressuring me and being cruel, all my non-existent spare money was going on a cheap dress, travel and accommodation for a night for the actual wedding).

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Constant-Parsley3609@reddit

That's something for the bridesmaids/groomsman to decide. They are usually the ones organising and paying for much of it, so it's a matter of how much money they want to part with.

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Rab_Legend@reddit

For me, anything beyond a day out/overnight at something that's not beyond a weeks wages in spending

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Railuki@reddit

I’m poor so even a night on the local town is too expensive for me.

At home byob is within my budget xD

It really is dependant on everyone, because what I could afford to attend a hen night would be disappointing to a lot of people.

I’m an outlier though and I wouldn’t be offended if I couldn’t go to a hen do due to pricing (I’d more more offended if people tried to bully me into spending money I literally don’t have).

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Chelskimania1@reddit

For me, it all depends on what is included and whop the person is. I'm at that age where a lot of my mates are getting married, so I've been on 3 abroad stag dos since last May and have my own in August.

I've done two different places in Portugal, one in Spain and mine will be in Budapest. All were 4 day trips, and for flights and accommodation, the cheapest was £220, the most expensive was £400.

I deemed those to be decent value and didn't have an issue stumping up the cash to go, but there were people invited to all four who politely declined for various reasons (including the cost) - no hard feelings, if you have a stag do abroad, you have to accept that not everyone you invite will be able to make it.

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Mr_Bumcrest@reddit

When you can't afford it

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MrBlackledge@reddit

I’ve organised 3 stags so far. I try and keep them to around £200-£400 per person and always over multiple days. The reality is that for some people that’s going to be too much and for other people they want to do more.

It’s a broad question and depends entirely on your circumstances.

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JohnCasey3306@reddit

It'd have to be a really close friend for me to even consider anything over ~£100

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Relative_Dimensions@reddit

I will pay for a train ticket and an overnight hotel, plus my own meal and drinks bill. That’s it.

I’m not going abroad. I’m not spending an entire weekend. I’m not taking annual leave.

My own “hen do” was friends in the pub the night before the wedding. I had a lovely time just chatting with my mates.

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patatamor@reddit

There's a lot of spanners who seem to be willfully ignoring that you very obviously asked a subjective question.

For me, it depends on how close I am not just to the future bride / groom, but also to their friends, and also how many people are going. I wouldn't be willing to fork out on a week-long holiday with a bunch of people I barely know, whereas if it were with a smaller group of close friends then sure. Even still, I wouldn't want to break the bank so I wouldn't pay for lavish holidays / holidays outside of Europe. Going to Miami for a stag is taking the piss.

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JGalKnit@reddit

When it is out of your budget. For me, it just depends. Am I doing it for a casual friend? No. The last two I went on were my closest friends and we went on a weekend getaway. They were fun and reasonable.

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ddickin1@reddit

Whatever happened to just overdoing it at the pub the night before the wedding?!

Bunch of snowflakes with their woke nonsense!

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AndyVale@reddit

I think I'd pay up to a grand if it was a really close friend, the trip looked AMAZING, and we had plenty of notice.

If it was one of those ones where I'm there to make up the numbers, probably about £300 if the group seem decent and the activities look fun.

When I have booked them before I have tried to set a budget of around £200 for a weekend, based on what the stag wants as well as my very vague knowledge of the group's finances. (This was a couple of years ago, it would probably be a little higher now.)

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Clear-Mix1969@reddit

My brother just spent £2k in a week in Mykonos, that was on top off flights/accom

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s_dalbiac@reddit

Organised a stag do in Cardiff last year. Managed to book three nights in a decent Airbnb, two activities and two outfits for the stag for around £200 each. It's perfectly achievable to keep the costs down if you do your research and consider the budgets of those you're inviting.

Best bit of advice I'd give to any best man/maid of honour is to speak with the stag/hen before you organise anything, find out what they want to do (it's their weekend after all, not yours) and ask what sort of budgets the people they want to invite are likely to have. You should only be expecting people to spend big if you know everyone is likely to be able to afford it.

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Gazmaster@reddit

Surely it’s better to do something cheaper to make sure as many people can come as possible? I know everyone is different, but my stag was a minibus to the next town over with a group of good mates and family for a pub crawl. No activities planned aside from getting pissed and talking rubbish, with the pool table and jukebox as a bonus. Typical Reddit response I know, but the company is what made the day, not the activity as such.

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Sad-Huckleberry-1166@reddit

that's always how I'd look at it too but I understand that not everyone is wired the same way. But yes, agree with every word. I'd expect to have as much fun in a pub nearby as one that costs everyone lots of money, but it is what it is.

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Sad-Huckleberry-1166@reddit

I've missed overseas stag dos. It's a bit of a bug bear of mine, but obviously if people can afford it and will have a great time then more power to them.

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alltheparentssuck@reddit

It's not just about the price, you also need to get the time off work.

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yourefunny@reddit

The earlier stag does in our group were the craziest. Mine was a 10 day road trip around eastern Europe concocted by my best man. It was 12 of us including my Dad. Great time. Bloody expensive though. Another was my mates in Thailand for 10 days again. 20 of us for the whole thing and another few for a long weekend.

Now that we are older with kids entering the arena, the stag does are getting less ridiculous. Long weekend in the UK or Europe. Many of my mates have done very well for themselves so the quality of the weekends is high. Posh dinners, nice villas etc. But divided it's not too expensive. The better off guys also dip in their pockets more during the weekend.

You can just say no. Nobody will be offended.

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AddictionisHell@reddit

Going to Amsterdam full stop ! If your bank account doesn’t break your mind will.

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kettle_of_f1sh@reddit

Stag do should be a day spent clay pigeon shooting, a curry and then few drinks. Stag do’s are absolutely ridiculous now.

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LesDauphins@reddit

When you can't afford it.

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CheeryJP@reddit

It depends, because I’m 33 with two kids and a partner.

Although we are (fairly) comfortable, I don’t like to be frivolous.

I was going on a stag in the UK, overnight stay and a piss up, fine. I’ll spend £300 or whatever .

But spending £1000 on a weekend in Poland, as fun as it would be. I would feel guilty spending that kind of money on just me, even though we could afford it and it wouldn’t really negatively affect anyone.

It just seems selfish?

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MrBump01@reddit

Really this is a case by case thing. It's important to ask everyone you want to go well in advance, find out their budgets and plan appropriately.

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CamThrowaway3@reddit

33f in London, earning a decent salary. I start getting pissed off when it’s over £300 to be honest.

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GT_Pork@reddit

When you can’t afford / justify based on your own circumstances

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jasmith2706@reddit

How can anyone answer this? There’s very very likely to be no set number where it will be too expensive. A lot of factors to consider

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Weird-Statistician@reddit

I can't be arsed with anything more than a pub crawl these days. A week in Magaluf is OTT

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Affectionate_You_858@reddit

When you can't afford it

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gogybo@reddit

£600 per person not including spending money. That is the exact point where a stag do becomes too expensive.

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WanderingLemon25@reddit

My mate said a 2 night holiday in middle of arse end of Wales including go karting, paintballing, rafting and then going out for meals.

It was £400 before we'd even sorted transport and food and apparently you had to pay for the paintballs. I said I'd meet them there after paintballing for a meal and a few drinks.

Not even that it's in October so it would be freezing and muddy as fuck.

Some people are just unreal.

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BrieflyVerbose@reddit

It depends really, but I'm missing more and more thesedays because it's getting ridiculous. I even missed my best mates because he wanted to go to Barcelona, I simply couldn't do it.

To be honest, there have been a few abroad and most of the time I can't be fucking arsed flying across the continent just to get shit faced when I can have just as much fun in somebody's back garden or living room. The last time I told my mate I couldn't afford it. I could afford it, I just couldn't be arsed and didn't want to hurt his feelings.

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Emergency_Mistake_44@reddit

Depends what it is.

If I was asked to chip in £500pp to get a villa/hotel abroad for 3 nights with the grooms party and it's all inclusive and flights are included as well as transport, sure sounds great.

If the plan is go to Manchester or something and it's gonna cost me £150 on the train from London, £150 hotel, pay for drinks on the crawl and an activity or two totalling £500, absolutely not.

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TrueSlice6269@reddit (OP)

Would you consider £550 pp + flights and taxis travel etc on top?

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Emergency_Mistake_44@reddit

Maybe, again it depends what it is exactly. I'd try to read the room of others invited though. Just because I think that's a good deal and can afford it, ultimately it's got to be something everyone can comfortably afford and suits. It just causes division and problems otherwise.

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SpudFire@reddit

Depends on my relation to the person or how close we are as friends. It will also depend on how many I've been invited to recently and whether we all know each other.

Examples: Close friend, nothing else planned this year - A good few hundred on a weekend abroad would be fine with me. Close friend, but two others in our circle are also getting married this year - you guys are going to each have to compromise so the rest of us can afford to go on all 3. A cousin I rarely see - night out in this country with an activity is fine, but I'm not spending hundreds and using up any precious A/L, sorry!

Ultimately it's not about whether I can afford it, it's about whether everybody invited can afford it. How many stag dos and even friendships or the wedding itself have been ruined because the best man wants to go all out and spend £500+ per person because they can afford it.

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lika_86@reddit

Probably over about £350 (around £70-100) is always going to be in there for travel for me.

Honestly, they aren't something I enjoy, so paying anything more for them would really grind my gears when I could spend that money on something else.

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bradpitt3@reddit

If you don't want to afford it or if it's not your priority, then it's too expensive.

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forest_elf76@reddit

Case by case but for me it's a trip away. Too long, too expensive for some people, unless everyone wants to do it.

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slade364@reddit

This is interesting, I'm actually at the beginning of planning one for my best mate.

I've looked at Krakow and Porto, flights and Airbnb around 300 for a long weekend. 10 of us.

Haven't yet asked people their thoughts, but I feel its OK because we're all in our 30s and earning relatively good money.

Following the comments!

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PM-me-your-cuppa-tea@reddit

Spend £450 on a hen to Nottingham recently would have loved £300 to Porto or Krakow

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TrueSlice6269@reddit (OP)

Recent stag abroad for £700. Problem is the couple are also getting married in Spain so will have to pay for travel and hotel to this

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Cultural-Ambition211@reddit

I would say in general if you’re having a wedding abroad you shouldn’t expect people to travel abroad separately for stag/hen.

Either incorporate it into the wedding trip, or do something at home.

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Slight_Horse9673@reddit

I known people take years to pay off the debts from just a couple of these events. Unless it's your main holiday, I wouldn't bother.

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No_Art_1977@reddit

We didn’t accept an invite some years ago to a tea party. Sounds cheap? Lets break it down. We were in low paying jobs at the time, already committed to paying for expensive outfits, gifts and hotels for the wedding as guests. The “tea party” was £30 per head in London (minimum £60 each travel and add in extra costs of food/drinks for the trip outside of this) and we only knew one person who would be there (the bride- all other guests were her friends and family so knew no one) so we just politely declined. No one minded and we weren’t out of pocket a fairly substantial amount for us. No one gets to tell you what you can afford

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Helicreature@reddit

I think it gets forgotten that at a certain point lots of your friends get married, so you might end up going to several weddings in a short space of time. These long weekend/ week long stag and hens are doable for many if that’s the only wedding that year - but if you’re dropping £1000+ for the pre wedding and then the wedding & using much of your annual leave because two or three friends get married in the same year, that’s too much.

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Iwantedalbino@reddit

My friendship circle seems to self regulate. Those that I wouldn’t spend the money on don’t invite me. Those I’d spend a bit on do.

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DadVan-Soton@reddit

Krakow.

£40 return flights if you shop ahead.

£2-£3 a pint for great beer.

LOTS to see.

Cheap Airbnbs

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Alarmed_Crazy_6620@reddit

Rule of thumb: shouldn't be more than what I spend on a vacation

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SevenDeuceShove@reddit

Holiday.

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Alarmed_Crazy_6620@reddit

Bless you!

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tomatohooover@reddit

Automatic ban for anyone who uses the V word.

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Alarmed_Crazy_6620@reddit

You don't like to be reminded?

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tomatohooover@reddit

Of Americans?

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PirateEducational168@reddit

When I can't afford it.

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No-Photograph3463@reddit

Anything over about £200 for accommodation and any fixed expenses (so activities and set menu meals) for me.

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terryjuicelawson@reddit

I wouldn't go abroad, at all. Couple of nights in a UK city I have done which was fun, that is fine. People insist on doing "activities" like axe throwing or clay pigeon shooting, I tend to duck out of those and take in the sights solo (boring, I know). Out on the pish for days solid plus every meal out can add up but I do think of it as a holiday, rare time away from the family I guess. A few hundred in total?

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Electricbell20@reddit

I think overall if it's more than one or two month's "fun money" for individuals it's too much. I get it's a "once in life" thing but for most people they have multiple to go to normally in a short period of time.

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OptionalQuality789@reddit

more than a summer holiday

Hold on… how much? I went to Budapest for 3 days in April and it was about £600 all in. Had a weekend in Cumbria too in a Manor House and that was £400 pp for 23 of us.

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