ULPT: Is it illegal to send cat shit through USPS? (Request)
Posted by --littlej0e--@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 49 comments
The Googleizer is somewhat ambiguous on the subject. Seems like it IS NOT illegal as long as I use the appropriate containers, labels and markings... but IS technically illegal if it is considered harassment, which this likely would be. Without a definitive legal answer, it isn't worth the risk, so I need an alternative.
For context, I came across a high-volume seller on eBay who is seemingly trying to fly as close to the sun as possible without getting burned. This seller knowingly and repeatedly sells heavily used, barely functional, non-functional, and incomplete items listed as "open box," and seems to get away with it most of the time. Best I can tell, their approach relies on buyer apathy, confrontational responses, and emotional manipulation—invoking a “small family business” narrative—to manipulate buyers, deflect criticism and subsequently maximize profits.
Needless to say, I should have paid more attention to the negative feedback before making the purchase. But now... I'd like to return the item in true unethical (but 100% legal) style.
Item package is approx. 9in/23cm long x 6in/15cm wide x 6in/15cm high. I can put it inside a larger box if needed.
reddit18015@reddit
Dude you can buy horse shit, bat shit, dog shit, elephant shit, etc. all over the web and have it sent sonewhere. I dont think it’s illegal.
--littlej0e--@reddit (OP)
I 100% agree in principle, but I think context is everything as to whether or not it would ever be prosecutable as harassment. I'm almost certainly overthinking it. I just want to be sure that my petty little revenge prank doesn't get me in trouble.
nw342@reddit
If you're that worried, us a public computer and use a prepaid visa that you bought in cash. Unless you are actually harassing the person, nobody will care enough to hunt you down.
ilovepeonies1994@reddit
And use a covid mask while doing so. Maybe the library has cameras
reddit18015@reddit
Nah man. Take the package to the post office and in the return address on the upper left hand corner just put in the address of an empty lot in the city you’re in. Or a building that’s for lease. Use the pseudonym for good measure.
SpanishFlamingoPie@reddit
Nobody's going to check. Just make sure nobody can smell it
fuckyourpoliticsman@reddit
You are correct that while it may not technically be illegal a judge doesn't operate within a vaccum and will DEFINITELY take your motive into account.
My initial thought is that you are sending someone a biohazard.
I would NOT mail shit in the mail for your purposes.
You'll end up getting shit on yourself.
Formal_Trainer_4684@reddit
Just send it via a 3rd party mailer. (There are services you can pay to do this on your behalf).
Then it also has a distanced post mark and doesn’t look local 😉
nariosan@reddit
Please keep us posted after they arrest you, ok?
ObjectiveOk2072@reddit
You can also buy bull cum. You'd be surprised how often it gets shipped through companies like FedEx
reddit18015@reddit
Essence of Skunk works wonders diluted in a spray bottle
Penguinlady5@reddit
You could send back the item but wrap it in paper that smells awful. Take some packing paper, soak it in fish stock or raw eggs for a few days, then let it dry and wrap the package.
If you use a bubble mailer, you could also just spray some liquid ass in it so they get a surprise when they open the package.
Or just rub certain body parts all over the item you are returning and get the satisfaction of knowing that they will handle the item without knowing.
venusianinfiltrator@reddit
Glitter, honey. GLITTER. ✨️✨️✨️
Current-Station-967@reddit
It can get you to trouble if considered as bioterrorism because catshit can carry parasites and diseases. (like toxoplasma gondii) Don't do that.
--littlej0e--@reddit (OP)
Sane answer. I mean, this is a fun and entertaining exercise, but I need to think of something that isn't even remotely prosecutable. Probably a 95% chance I would get away with it, and possibly closer to 99% if I take many of the precautions recommended here. But it just isn't worth a 1-5% risk for petty revenge. Well, not to me anyway.
I'm going to pick something with a legitimate 0% chance of prosecution. Like wrapping the item in a roll of duct tape before putting it in a box. That wastes the sellers' time and money while also sending my petty message of revenge.
Current-Station-967@reddit
Yeah just use bad package insteas of shit. Better than facing with the agents as alleged terrorist and spendimg years in prosecution and questioning.
vaskanado@reddit
Seems unwise to send back the item and the shit as they wil automatically know it’s you. Would be best to send it separately.
oQueSo97@reddit
Would you call the police if you were mailed catshit?
--littlej0e--@reddit (OP)
Nope. I would just giggle, then throw it away. But I also wouldn't super glue a car door shut, blow up a hot dog stand, or kidnap a neighbor either.
Unfortunately, there are plenty of people out there that would.
rakfink@reddit
Just label it a “open litter box” item.
--littlej0e--@reddit (OP)
This is too poetic... it MUST be done!
Scragglymonk@reddit
have gotten a sealable package, written the marks name on it and dropped in a steaming turd.
sealed up and posted in a box nowhere near me
address written with left hand whilst wearing gloves
never had any blowback
but they stopped hassling me
--littlej0e--@reddit (OP)
LOL - the "Mad Crapper" strikes again!!!
noveltytie@reddit
If it arrives covered in cat shit, you probably won't get your money back.
--littlej0e--@reddit (OP)
The loophole: as soon as USPS scans the code, I supposedly get the refund. Moreover, the seller will technically pay to ship himself a box full of cat shit.
In theory, at least.
Standard-Park@reddit
This is not true. If the seller calls ebay and escalates it they will definitely take your money back and probably ban your account tbh.
Send the return as usual and then send the shit separately on another day. Don't use a return address unless you want them to know it's from you 😂 😂 😂
--littlej0e--@reddit (OP)
I absolutely want them to know it was me 😂... but I probably shouldn't.
You are 100% correct. This theory doesn't survive contact with reality.
sarahadastra@reddit
Can you just say you’re returning it because it’s “disgusting” and “used” and “seems like it might have some kind of bio hazard on it” and just put the cat shit somewhere on it that’s really hard to see so if they say, “what the hell, this wasn’t here before,” you can say, “obviously you just missed it because it was over/under/between/inside the blah blah blah” (obviously customize this last part so it makes sense based on the item type— sorry, I give a lot of writing instructions for early 20s grad student interns so, maybe overly specific).
formermrs@reddit
“Oh golly! I must have mixed up the shipping labels!! That was supposed to go to the university veterinary school.”
HoofStrikesAgain@reddit
I don't think it is illegal. I work with an animal rescue and we sent cat and dog feces to a lab in Wisconsin for testing. We sent it via USPS mail in a vial container that the lab sent to us first.
AdRepresentative784@reddit
Oh, I've run across one of these types of sellers before, too. He was such an ass!
You shouldn't put the cat shit in the return package, because they will know it was you, but you could pay cash for a shipping label at the PO, use a bogus return address and ship a special thank you gift separate from the return item. They may put the shipping zip codes together as more than a coincidence, but it'd be pretty hard to prove. Heck, I suppose you could even go to the next town over to ship, just to give you more plausible deniability.
shred_o_phile@reddit
Mailing dog treats is very thoughtful of you
Miggidy_mike@reddit
Rename stool sample
Beautiful-Owl-3216@reddit
Just return the item. Even if they say "no returns" you can return it.
hdog_69@reddit
Return your product via the usual channels and get your refund. Then every month, random days, send another box containing steaming contents... but ship them with no return address (or a fake return address).
TwoMoreMinutes@reddit
Put the return address as the same address
--littlej0e--@reddit (OP)
Patient, financially responsible, delightful and devious - I love it!
Apparently, revenge is a dish best served with toxoplasmosis lol.
Serenity_557@reddit
Use a fun return address like a fictional address from a TV show, or something pointed like the wild goose lounge in California ( it's in Psych lol)
Moistcowparts69@reddit
This is the answer
Moistcowparts69@reddit
This is the answer
slutty_muppet@reddit
People mailed human feces to Anita Bryant back in the day.
jquest303@reddit
What I’ve learned is that basically you can send anything you want through USPS, as long as it’s domestic. They DGAS. (No pun intended)
javiergc1@reddit
This website allows you to ship many kinds of animal shit around the world.
https://www.shitexpress.com/
Capital-Designer-385@reddit
Poopsenders.com
It’s anonymous too
Abject-Yellow3793@reddit
Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. Don't put your return address on it.
I didn't read the whole post, I assume you're sealing it well to prevent contaminating the letter carriers
GlitrLizrd@reddit
This is the best ULPT I've seen in a long, long time
ferretkona@reddit
I do not have any contact info, but a company would deliver a raw warm fish in a b-day or wedding gift wrapped appropriately.
BourbonSucks@reddit
look up harrassment laws in the DESTINATION.
many times it requires repeat contact.
--littlej0e--@reddit (OP)
Excellent point. I wonder if our messages on eBay would constitute repeat contact.