Do you give gifts after someone give you lifts?

[-]

Benshhpress@reddit

I don't think this is about monetary value and some fairly one-dimensional takes here in regards to the OP's motives. Of course they haven't done it in anticipation of some sort of reward. I have never in my life done a favour for someone _expecting_ something in return. But equally, never have I had someone do me a favour or help me out, and _not_ shown my gratitude in some small way. I'm sure the OP would be just as happy if this person did something as simple as getting some coffees in one morning. It's the gesture, rather than the act itself, which means something. Saying thanks is fine when maybe it's a one off. But when you've helped out somebody repeatedly, as the OP has done, I - as the recipient - would want to show my gratitude in some way. I understand we don't know the other person's financial situation etc. But, again, it doesn't have to be a monetary-based gesture. It could be anything that says 'thanks for helping me out, I really appreciate it' or whatever that looks like.

Reply

[-]

thegreyman1986@reddit

I think it’s a weird one, I’d never expect anyone to give a gift or anything, but, it would be a nice gesture on their part to offer to buy you a coffee or something (or even invite you for dinner when they moved in) even if you declined, it’s the principle of “you helped me, I can’t thank you in the same way so allow me to thank you with a small gesture”. Like, a couple of weeks ago I had to leave work early one day so the guy who takes over from me came in 2hrs early to allow me to go, so besides thanking him for helping me out, the next time he was on shift after me I gave him a bottle of Jack Daniels for helping me out. He didn’t expect it, I didn’t have to, but it was the principle of “you did me a favour, I don’t know if/when you’ll ever ask me for a favour, so in the meantime here is a gift as a thank you and whenever you need a favour you can count on me to repay it”

Reply

[-]

Illustrious-Log-3142@reddit

You shouldn't help people to gain something in return. Just because someone is paid more doesn't mean they don't have higher outgoings or debts. At a past job I actually had a colleague suggest I should be buying a round of staff drinks due to being paid more - they got a stern talking to from our CEO for being so disrespectful. I couldn't afford it as I was still paying off my debt from my abusive ex.

Reply

[-]

pencilthinwriter@reddit

OP specifically said she didn't do this expecting anything in return. On the other hand, she makes the point that when no gesture of appreciation is made back, she wonders if she has been taken advantage of. She is wondering if, on that basis, she shouldn't help this woman again. And I would agree with 3Nightz and others that her kindness was taken advantage of. It's the opposite of a post saying "I did something for someone and now where is my payback?". She's a kind person trying to understand the situation she's in better.

Reply

[-]

Illustrious-Log-3142@reddit

But why would you expect a gesture of appreciation for something you've offered to do? I'd understand if it was like, OP gave them a lift late at night when they were stranded somewhere out of the way but if OP has been offering in an effort to be helpful, it may be that they are being a bit of a people pleaser rather than someone taking advantage. If you offer to do something why be surprised when someone takes you up on the offer?

Reply

[-]

pencilthinwriter@reddit

I generally support the people who post on here, because they have to be genuinely upset/perturbed/confused about whatever the thing is, in the first place, to be making a reddit post about it. On the other hand, you seem to be on reddit to derail whoever posts & to make them feel bad.

Reply

[-]

Illustrious-Log-3142@reddit

If you look at my post history you'll see that I regularly try to offer support and advice. I have simply been honest, possibly blunt, but that is my communication style sometimes.

Reply

[-]

Flat_News_2000@reddit

Then they shouldn't be offended when they aren't offered something in return, like OP clearly is.

Reply

[-]

Nice_Put4300@reddit

Why do you assume the poster is a woman?

Reply

[-]

rockadoodledobelfast@reddit

The CEO just didn't want to be next! 😂

Reply

[-]

Illustrious-Log-3142@reddit

You know she was overly generous actually! We had our differences but when it came to staff drinks she would buy a round of BOGOF cocktails and insist we each got one paid for ie. everyone got 2 drinks and wouldn't keep it to a single round. She was one of the good ones. Also it was a charity so she wasn't on silly money like some CEOs

Reply

[-]

Buddy-Matt@reddit

I know people earning less than 30k a year that have more disposable cash than other people I know earning low 6 figures. Not suggesting that's a universal truth, but a single person with no family Vs a single earner supporting a family of 4 have very different monthly outgoings

Reply

[-]

Illustrious-Log-3142@reddit

Spot on! Not being funny, if I had the money I'd 100% be buying a round for my new colleagues to get in their good books but at the time I was going for a more senior better paying role to pay off debt. I have. I paid it off about 3 months later thanks to being careful with those early pay days

Reply

[-]

tulip-0hare@reddit

Bit also, what kind of job expects an employee to take the new hire on shopping trips for their new flat?? I thought it was a little brazen for them to suggest OP give her lifts to work, even though they live close by, but to then read it's so she can buy home furnishings just feels bizarre/like OP is being taken advantage of by both the bosses and the new hire

Reply

[-]

Nice_Put4300@reddit

I believe that was a lie

Reply

[-]

Illustrious-Log-3142@reddit

Depends what the work asked for and what OP actually offered... we are responsible for our own boundaries. At an old job we had an intern and I would often give her lifts if my colleague couldn't as she didn't have her own transport. If I offered more that was on me.

Reply

[-]

ClarifyingMe@reddit

I don't help people for something in return, that's a job.

Reply

[-]

OpenBuddy2634@reddit

You should never give with the expectation of receiving and if it crosses the line from inconvenient to you actually losing out you should say you’ll help her with X but need Y in return. On the other side she should have been polite and at least got you a token thank you etc as you’ve gone above and beyond.

Reply

[-]

LordAnchemis@reddit

Sounds like you're being used...

Reply

[-]

orsonhodged@reddit

On the odd few occasions colleagues (basically friends) gave me lifts after we went out after work, I’d repay them by covering their food/activity or buying them drinks etc earlier in the day. Tbh I’m quite independent so it’s rare that colleagues give me lifts or anything you did. I’m shocked that you did so much for your colleague and she lapped it up. I would feel ashamed at taking advantage of someone like that.

Reply

[-]

Pokerpets@reddit (OP)

OP here. Thank you so much for all the comments, very interesting to read them all. I am actually not wanting anything back but still think a gesture would be nice because I always did when people helped me? Maybe I didn’t have to all those years? My other colleagues offer something back for even a very minute thing and I thought that’s just a common sense, but not so sure now. If she offered to pay for things I’d probably declined, knowing she wanted to was enough for me, really. I do give because I want to, yes. I just find it a bit odd that she hasn’t. I’m certainly not being pissy 🤣 As I am bit older than her I was thinking it maybe a generation thing as well.

Reply

[-]

Ok-Teach2499@reddit

I always offer to pay towards petrol costs if it’s a regular lift. If petrol money is refused, then I get them a Christmas gift. It’s just good manners.

Reply

[-]

DryJackfruit6610@reddit

Givers have to learn to set limits, because takers never have any

Reply

[-]

3Nightz@reddit

Exactly!

Reply

[-]

objectablevagina@reddit

This is absolutely bizarre and I think a lot of people agreeing with you come across very entitled as do you. I'd agree with the other commenter about growing up poor and doing what you can for each other. Nothing was expected in return as you were doing a kindness. It's not a kind thing to do if you expect a material reward, it's a transaction. I don't want to be too harsh but if you were someone close to me and you'd expressed the above my opinion of you would sour quickly. I think you are focusing on her being paid more as I'd that makes you entitled to a sum for your help. Why even bother going forward? It's a genuine shame that people can't do things without expecting money in return, what happened to helping each other out.

Reply

[-]

Crackles2020@reddit

I disagree. It is important to acknowledge kindness in some way as that makes the donor of said kindness feel appreciated and therefore more likely to help other people in future. Instead, the OP has been left feeling like he/she has been taken advantage of. I always make a point of acknowledging other people's kindness in some way, as failing to do so would be disrespectful. And it makes you look like an ungrateful tight arse.

Reply

[-]

objectablevagina@reddit

This is such a weird take. You don't do kind acts for rewards, if you do then it isn't a kind act its a transaction. OP has been left bitter because they did something 'kind' and were expecting something in return. At no point have they said to this person, oh would you mind putting some money towards the fuel etc. They've just expected it, it's extremely entitled. I can't get over the idea that everyone is out here offering help just because they think they will get something back, it's genuinely saddening that people are not capable of selflessness. I'm all for gifting someone who has helped you out, I'd probably have offered in OPs circumstances however sitting back and being irritated that they have not had anything is unreasonable. You don't get to sit on your high horse about doing a kind act and simultaneously ask for a reward. It's very much cake and eating it behaviour.

Reply

[-]

SongsAboutGhosts@reddit

You think expecting money for fuel you've obviously used solely for someone else's benefit is more entitled than getting free lifts and not giving anything in return?

Reply

[-]

objectablevagina@reddit

I think doing someone a favour and then taking the hump when you don't get something in return is petty and bleak behaviour. Do I think something should have been offered? Yes. Not expected though there is a significant difference.

Reply

[-]

SongsAboutGhosts@reddit

I guess there's a difference between getting mad at someone and learning something unpleasant about their character. For example, if you're always the one to reach out in a friendship, you can get tired of that. You can calmly recognise that the other person has other priorities and, for whatever reason, it's not you, and that's completely fine - they didn't make any promises and they're entitled to their own life. But knowing you aren't their priority may make you reassess the friendship and decide to take a step back yourself because they aren't upholding what you understood to be the bargain. It doesn't mean you're mad, or petty, but you're recognising the terms have changed and your behaviour changes accordingly. I am more inclined to be generous towards generous people. That is a relationship I ultimately expect to balance. I am less inclined to be generous towards someone who will take everything I offer and never give anything back. That's one-sided, and taking advantage, and sours the dynamic for me. It doesn't mean I'm bitter about the situation, I just recognise it's a different situation and act accordingly.

Reply

[-]

objectablevagina@reddit

I think you are really overthinking the scenario and putting a lot onto someone who hasn't really asked for it. If you offer someone something without saying you are doing it for money or something back then its a favour and you have no right to expect anything back, nor treat them any differently because they havnt given you anything. To put it simply if you do this you are an ass and will quickly lose friends as you slowly blame them for things they have no responsibility for.

Reply

[-]

SongsAboutGhosts@reddit

Blame them for something they have no responsibility for? Where did I say anyone was blamed for anything, and why do you not think they have responsibility for their own actions? I'm basically saying that I go by 'treat others how you'd like to be treated' until it's clear that their standard is different, and then I match their level. It's not punishing someone to match their behaviour with similar behaviour.

Reply

[-]

objectablevagina@reddit

You are basically saying if someone doesn't gift you something after you do them a favour they are revealing their true selves and they would lose standing in your opinion. You are setting them up to fail and giving them a responsibility they never agree to. You can't do a favour for someone and expect something back that was never agreed to.

Reply

[-]

SongsAboutGhosts@reddit

A gift? I said I'd expect someone to offer petrol money. Literally reimburse a cost they know you incurred for them. I expect a person to acknowledge the time, effort, inconvenience, and cost, and an easy way of doing that is offering to reimburse petrol money. There are plenty of times I've declined being paid back because I didn't mind helping and I didn't need the money, but that someone recognises the cost to me does matter to me. It's not setting people up to fail unless they feel entitled to my time, effort, and petrol; if they don't feel entitled to it, they'll make it clear they're grateful. And yes, I know OP say they were thanked, but it's blatantly rude to get out of the car without saying thanks to the person who just gave you a lift. We've no idea if the thanks were cursory thanks or heartfelt and emphatic, and imo that does make a difference. Why do you think it's so rare for people to show gratitude for favours that they're being set up for failure? Why do you think that showing you appreciate someone doing something nice (and costly) for you shouldn't be how you act as default? You keep asking why I'd do something nice and expect someone to do something nice in return, you haven't explained why you think it's completely acceptable to not treat people as well as they treat you.

Reply

[-]

xizz202@reddit

no …. if i’m helping someone out it’s because i want to help them out therefore i’m willing to use my time and resources (etc fuel) to do so?

Reply

[-]

SongsAboutGhosts@reddit

Firstly, not the situation here. OP was asked by work, which implies there'd be at least a bit of a negative effect on how they're perceived in the workplace, so it's not without a power dynamic. The woman they helped earns more so there's an implication they're higher up in the company which also adds to that power imbalance. Secondly, my point was (I think quite clearly) the comparison between the entitlement of the two people in this situation, and you've totally failed to comment on the other person.

Reply

[-]

IAmTakingThoseApples@reddit

Acts of kindness though are by definition selfless and not expecting anything material in return. They said thank you, clearly they needed the help and it wasn't a transaction it was one sided, because one person needed the help and the other was able to offer it. These things don't give back immediately, but in the long run it does. It makes people more willing to make selfless gestures purely to help someone else.

Reply

[-]

Crackles2020@reddit

Or alternatively the recipient is just taking the piss.

Reply

[-]

IAmTakingThoseApples@reddit

If you aren't prepared for it to be selfless then you shouldn't do anything in the first place. The recipient here in no way asked OP for help. You are the kind of person that makes selfless gestures so awkward lol.

Reply

[-]

YearObvious7214@reddit

They said she thanked them several times. That IS acknowledging.

Reply

[-]

vminnear@reddit

I agree. Getting a tangible reward isn't the goal when offering to help someone, a "thank you" is perfectly fine. If they didn't acknowledge you or kept asking you for more and more, then they're taking the piss and you can drag them on reddit all you like. It's a nice thing to be given something in return obviously, I wouldn't turn my nose up at it, but I also wouldn't expect it.

Reply

[-]

YearObvious7214@reddit

I read it as they've done it a few times and it's done now, but I'm not sure. It's not obvious in the post. If it's still going on then yes, it's different. If it's just expected by the co-worker it's no longer accepting kindness. It's downright using, if the OP feels they need to. I also can't quite fathom how much was work involved in all of this.

Reply

[-]

EsotericSnail@reddit

I agree. OP and the people agreeing with them stress me out. If you do a nice thing for me, I'll be very grateful - with words. That's what a favour IS. I'll consider us more than just acquaintances and on the way to being friends. If there comes in a time in the future where I can do a favour for you, I'll remember your kindness and offer to help you out. There are already services where someone gives me a lift and I give them something of financial value in return. They're called taxis. They're not my friends. I don't owe them favours in future. The transaction is complete after they give me a lift and I give them money in exchange. OP didn't do anyone a favour. OP doesn't understand the concept of a favour. OP considers themself a cabbie.

Reply

[-]

objectablevagina@reddit

God I'm glad someone else is talking sense. I was worried I'd annoyed anyone who had ever done me a favour ever! This is exactly my thinking, if you are providing a service fine I will pay for it, if you offer me a favour that's totally different. If it's a big one and I can I will absolutely get you something but it shouldn't be expected at all it's a favour. Maybe her favour can be to get OP some uber stickers for the side of his car since he intends to charge everyone! You've hit the nail on the head with the above, shite behaviour to think less of someone because they didn't get you a gift in return.

Reply

[-]

PaulieMcWalnuts@reddit

I agree. You shouldn’t give to receive - why must a kind act then have a monetary value attached to it? If expecting something in return dont do it. The person said thank you, so to me that gratitude would be plenty in return to know i’d helped someone.

Reply

[-]

throarway@reddit

If you don't feel like helping anymore, you don't have to. Something in return might have sweetened you to the idea, but surely you've helped up to this point because you wanted to and if you don't want to anymore, that's fine too.

Reply

[-]

bigfatpup@reddit

I asked my friend to give me a lift to work tomorrow. I’m working off site which is only a slight detour off his own journey to work. As payment for him having to leave a little earlier to pick me up and detour, I’m treating him to a drink at a brewery near where I’ll be working when he picks me up

Reply

[-]

Nice_Put4300@reddit

What? Why would your job tell you to help a new worker? You sound sort of creepy like you’re expecting something from this girl…?

Reply

[-]

FriendCapital9149@reddit

You’re overthinking

Reply

[-]

No_Doubt_About_That@reddit

If it’s a normal day-to-day thing I’d offer to contribute towards fuel. If my car suddenly went in the garage at short notice leaving me stranded and some offered lifts until it got fixed I’d maybe look to give a pack of biscuits/bottle or something.

Reply

[-]

mrdooter@reddit

She also might not actually want or need your help at this stage - it's unclear whether or not she actually wanted it in the first place but it may have been that since your work suggested it both of you were put in a position where you couldn't easily say no. Her making a gesture would be nice but equally it sounds like the reasoning behind this dynamic has now lapsed. It's entirely possible that while she is grateful for your help, she'd figure it out herself happily if you weren't sorting it for her so doesn't feel the need to gift you anything. It's also possible (not saying it def is the case, just one of many possibilities) that she feels like you're pushing your help on her but she's too new to rock the boat by turning it down, especially when it's already been happening for a while. If she's actually acting entitled to your help and actively expecting you to do this stuff then yes, she's definitely taking advantage. But it sounds kind of like an awkward situation that probably warrants a conversation as to whether you helping her like this is working for either of you (it kind of sounds like it might not be!)

Reply

[-]

_scorp_@reddit

No she’s rude and ungrateful If someone offers me a lift I would say do you want any money - happy to cover the fuel costs etc As an example stupidly ran out of fuel (one petrol station has tanker - didn’t make it to the next ) Office who I was parked up arranged someone to give me a lift to the garage and get fuel - offered money - turned it down 8 in the team so fuel and 8 Cornettos later I was still better off than getting a taxi / uber So next time she needs a lift you’re busy but here is a local taxi number is your response If it was suggested by your manager - ask how you claim the expenses back for what they asked you to do before you do anything next time - if they say no - then it’s not a work thing

Reply

[-]

RepresentativeDuck87@reddit

For shuuuure she should be doing something. If I were you I’d back peddle out of it now. You’ve done your bit, move on before it becomes a given. ☀️

Reply

[-]

babyboy808@reddit

My thinking exactly, it would be more of a token gift, than the actual gift, just to say thanks. That's the last time I'd offer to help tbh 😅

Reply

[-]

RobertTheSpruce@reddit

As a frequent lift giver, a gift after lift is never expected. A lift is a gift in and of itself. I'm not a taxi driver, I don't expect remuneration for giving a lift. I'm helping. All that said, there is also no shame or problem with saying no to giving a lift if it's inconvenient to do so. A previous gift, may well make that feeling on inconvenience disappear for future lifts. Not should a gift be given as thanks, it's more than welcome, but certainly not expected.

Reply

[-]

Prestigious-Box-8360@reddit

Just politely ask for some fuel money, it’s not unreasonable and she’d likely say yes. Unless you communicate your issue then it’s hard to complain about it - you said work asked you at first, she might assume you’ve been compensated or able to expense your fuel etc. Next time she asks just say ‘of course I don’t mine giving you a lift to xyz but would you mind chucking me a tenner for fuel’.

Reply

[-]

jooniejoon3@reddit

My best friend would drop me off everyday to my internship a year ago, and I still bought her a massive gift at the end to say thank you, even though she was also on placement at the same hospital. It’s common courtesy.

Reply

[-]

AdOpposite917@reddit

At the very least there should be an offer of petrol or getting the next coffee/round/lunch, depending on how often you do this

Reply

[-]

SongsAboutGhosts@reddit

I personally would offer petrol money, and if that was declined, I'd give some small token instead - like snacks for the car if I know what you want, or - given you've bought her a meal, and presuming you're not uncomfortable in each other's company - offer lunch or dinner on me. Presuming work didn't reimburse your petrol costs, that is - in that case I wouldn't offer petrol myself but would still probably get you a small thing as a thanks for the time you've spent helping me (as it sounds like it's outside work hours).

Reply

[-]

SerendipitousCrow@reddit

I was on a three day training course and ended up giving a lift to a colleague those three days. The last day I say I'm not going straight home and I'm going to a shop near the training location. She invited herself along and paid for my shopping (less than a tenner) which was odd but it was nice to have received a token of gratitude.

Reply

[-]

ExtraSeaworthiness10@reddit

A lady used to give me a lift to a from work many years ago. Each fornight I would gift her some flowers,or a plant or take her out for a little lunch to say thanks.

Reply

[-]

babichickan@reddit

Gifts? No, but an offer to contribute towards petrol would usually be the done thing, even if you were to decline. I think maybe in their being overwhelmed by a move, they've forgotten how to be polite. If they've settled in now, don't offer anymore lifts. You'll end up becoming a personal chauffeur.

Reply

[-]

worldworn@reddit

Gifts are the wrong expectation, I would be asking for a contribution towards the petrol money / wear and tear. They should have offered this to you already, but obviously it's gotten to the point where they just expect this for free. I would be approaching them and offering them lifts still, but ask for a small amount a week. Even if it's a token amount. I had to do this to someone, and that was when I was actually going out of my way every day.

Reply

[-]

toady89@reddit

I’d offer petrol money as a minimum but with the amount of driving around you’ve done for her I’d be taking you out for a meal or at least grabbing lunch for us both each time. Your work should never have asked you to help in the first place though, that’s well outside their scope and puts pressure on you to accept. When she moved she would/should have factored in the cost of having stuff delivered if she doesn’t have her own transportation.

Reply

[-]

strawbebbymilkshake@reddit

Did you do a nice thing to be kind, or because you felt it would earn you gifts in return?

Reply

[-]

Winter_Quantity_430@reddit

I think it is basic etiquette to try and do someone a kindness in turn. If it were me, I’d offer to take you for a nice dinner/lunch or get you some vouchers or something but common courtesy seems to be a dying trait these days. I hate to be so cynical but I’ve nearly always found that the more people, the more likely they are to be quite uncouth when it comes to spending or returning favours. Money and riches don’t always equate to having actual class.

Reply

[-]

SprintsAC@reddit

I remember some thread on r/AskReddit where someone mentioned how an organisation was giving away children's toys (meant for families in poverty) & had to stop, as the queue had so many people with obvious wealth lining up. Some people are just self entitled asshats. I wouldn't do any favours for this person OP.

Reply

[-]

wildOldcheesecake@reddit

I can’t understand this behaviour. Id hate to be considered as tight and as you mentioned, uncouth when it comes to these things. I grew up very poor but Ime, those from similar backgrounds tend to be generous. Those with more money often claim poverty when their situation is anything but

Reply

[-]

Winter_Quantity_430@reddit

I grew up fairly comfortable but my parents were the children of poor immigrants who came here seeking greater opportunities and they worked hard to provide for my parents who worked hard to provide for us. They knew what it was like to come from nothing and the importance of community and helping fellow man and that was always instilled in us growing up. I’ve been quite careful with money in recent times as I’m currently not working but I always try to set aside enough so I am able to help my family and loved ones whenever they need as well as a lot of the animal and children’s charities I like to give to. I don’t spend anything on myself and don’t really need much to be happy. I genuinely get so much from being able to help others. Totally agree with you though. That’s been my experience as well. The less people have, it would seem the more generous they are. I’ve often noticed people that are more well off have a tendency to shamelessly penny pinch whilst those who are not so fortunate have a bit more pride. I like to do favours for people and truly expect nothing in return but after a couple of times, you definitely notice the ones who appreciate it vs the ones who think themselves entitled. For me, if someone does me a favour, I keep tabs on it purely so I can make sure I can reciprocate at another time in a way that matches or exceeds what they’ve done for me. I always feel bad if I don’t but I don’t know if that’s just a me thing lol.

Reply

[-]

IPoisonedThePizza@reddit

My family always taught me to not expect anything in return when doing a gesture of kindness. My grandma was a devoted Christian and did often things out of "love", like feeding the people bedbound at the hospital, donating to the poor, etc. I personally would have done something to thank the person helping me. From baking a cake, a thank you card, upwards like offering a meal

Reply

[-]

TSC-99@reddit

She’s taking the piss

Reply

[-]

gdrlee@reddit

Are you still giving her lifts? If so, it's changed from "helping out" to a regular thing. And it'd be reasonable to discuss her contributing to petrol. If not, just be aware that if you feel like helping her in future, you probably won't get more than a thank you. And make your decision accordingly.

Reply

[-]

YearObvious7214@reddit

If you help, you help because you want to. If you're expecting something in return, it's no longer help, you want to hire yourself and it's something you should disclose before "helping". I understand from your post it was few times and now it's done? You said yourself she was stressed, she probably had other things on her mind than whether you'll expect payment for kindness. Yes, it might be a nice thing to give you box of chocolates, but again, once you start expecting it it actually makes you rude.

Reply

[-]

funnystuff79@reddit

Depending on the company she may have got a relocation allowance, and there you are spending your own money. There's a good gap between helpful and sucker, I'll let you decide where you fall

Reply

[-]

Interstellore@reddit

No I don’t. And if anyone offers me stuff with the expectation of getting something in return then I’d prefer they just didn’t offer.

Reply

[-]

Turbulent-Pilot-1436@reddit

Anyone who gets a lift in charge petrol money. At the end of the day it’s an inconvenience plus adding extra wear and tear on your car. It’s not cheap to maintain a vehicle these days.

Reply

[-]

H16HP01N7@reddit

You contradict yourself, by saying that you didn't expect something, but have got annoyed enough to come to social media to whine about it.

Reply

[-]

thatscotbird@reddit

I wouldn’t do something with the expectation I’ll get something back for it, I’d just do something to be a nice person.

Reply

[-]

sh4dfox@reddit

OP had 0 expectation initially but I think has realised the absolute cheek of this person the longer that it has gone on

Reply

[-]

calmcatman@reddit

Someone gave a colleague who I’d never spoken to my phone number and he now hounds me for lifts, I don’t really mind by wouldn’t have the bollocks to be texting practical strangers for favours. Some people just aren’t held to the same societal norms most of us are.

Reply

[-]

Quinn_27@reddit

Now Stop She’s been there long enough to have settled & she’s earning more than you Is she even attempting to pay for fuel & running costs of your car? (Is it your personal car or a company lease?) Just give her a heads up “This is the last week you can give her lifts - family changes” Uber is there - plus a bus, or she can drive herself to work

Reply

[-]

Martinw17@reddit

Personally I would have given a small gift, or at least offered to pay for the petrol, if someone helped me out like this. However, if I were the one offering the lifts etc I wouldn’t expect anything in return. It sounds like she was very grateful (she “thanked you a lot”), which means she understood what you did for her. There are various reasons why she might not have bought a gift - lack of money, thinking you might think it’s weird, etc. Ultimately- if you don’t want to do something for someone without something in return then don’t do it!

Reply

[-]

Illustrious_Study_30@reddit

I presume you offered to give her a lift etc ? I usually give gifts to people because I like to. This lady, however clearly thought you were just trying to help out of the goodness of your heart. Clearly you'd like a reward of some type and this may need communicating because if people offer it usually means they're offering their time and help. It's not great, but it's not bad either. People are all.different and maybe don't offer help if you're going to get pissy that you didn't get a prize. It's nice to help people..it's what keeps society ticking over. Getting annoyed after because you weren't rewarded just tells me you shouldn't bother offering again..it's not your personality type clearly

Reply

[-]

total-blasphemy@reddit

If she needs a hand moving, doesn't sound like she's in a position to be buying gifts. I don't see her being entitled here.

Reply

[-]

Choccybizzle@reddit

Anytime someone gives me a lift I offer to contribute to petrol money. I’m not sure about a gift 😂 but she should have offered something. Like you said, it’s the gesture most than anything.

Reply

[-]

Last-Deal-4251@reddit

Nope, stop being too nice. People will keep on taking if given the chance.

Reply

[-]

GuybrushFunkwood@reddit

She’s absolutely mugging you off.

Reply

[-]

Snowey212@reddit

Weird considering she's paid more to not acknowledge your kindess in an appropriate way, an older colleague gave me lifts when I was younger and didn't drive, I gave her my bus fare to cover any additional wear and tear to her vehicle, my cost don't change but the covenience of her collecting and dropping me off for work was a huge time save. If between adults one person does the other regular favours and the only reciprocation is a verbal thank you, I think your being used.

Reply

[-]

_Beautifully-Broken@reddit

I’d be offering petrol money at the very least. People these days just like to take.

Reply

[-]

Puzzlepetticoat@reddit

Yes. Usually flowers/chocs/wine/whatever tipple they like

Reply

[-]

3Nightz@reddit

I think she's taken advantage of your kindness. Especially if she's paid more than you are! She's a full grown adult and it's her responsibility to make arrangements for herself and to pay for services that she needs when required. I think it's quite arrogant to move to a new job and expect a lower paid colleague to finance your removal and dining costs. Nip that in the bud before it blossoms into a whole tree of taking the piss!

Reply

[-]

AutoModerator@reddit

**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - When repling to submission/post please **make genuine efforts to answer the question given**. Please no jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Reply

Reply to Post

92 Comments