“Wear clean underwear!”

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Munk45@reddit

I have a general rule just to wear clean underwear on a daily basis.

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meowisaymiaou@reddit

It takes several days of wear before underwear becomes unclean.

Unless you're one of the 30%+ of guys who don't wipe after using the toilet ...

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Ornery-Character-729@reddit

30% of guys don't wipe?? Is that accurate? WTF do they think Charmin is for?

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_SkiFast_@reddit

Seems ridiculous. That must not be an American stat. Sounds like something India would be into avoiding.

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Glittering-Count-47@reddit

The only place I’ve heard that “wiping your ass makes you gay” is Reddit. I’m pretty sure that stat came from someone ma ass.

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Ornery-Character-729@reddit

Yeah, seems way outta line to me. Now, maybe some kids need convincing, or just need to do a better job, but where would these people even work? They must stink all the time.

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No_Capital_8203@reddit

You know it’s gay to touch your own backside, right?

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WonderingHarbinger@reddit

The dudes who think that way never seem to think it's gay to touch their own dicks, though.

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_SkiFast_@reddit

😂 Well, tbf, nobody else will with those types.

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Got_Bent@reddit

Hey! Its not gay if you dont push back...

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Munk45@reddit

Wth 30%????

Stinking pigs. Wipe your butts!

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meowisaymiaou@reddit

15 years of reading complaints in magazines, advice columns, Reddit, live journal, Myspace,

Seems to be a never ending source of material with the question about boyfriends, husbands, etc not wiping. And no one has yet to find a way to stop it. The large chunk who are like "it's gay to touch your ass" are particularly confusing to me.

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Got_Bent@reddit

My roommate used his finger to itch his butthole using the worn undies. You could see it if he just had those and t-shirt on. Disgusting!

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Ornery-Character-729@reddit

Exactly. Who, exactly, considers that optional?

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Got_Bent@reddit

Dude, I have summer, winter underwear. I have boxers and grape smugglers. Like 40 pair total. Always a clean pair.

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cerealandcorgies@reddit

In this economy?

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AmorFatiBarbie@reddit

gif

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BowserPong11@reddit

Oh, an aristocrat!

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Friendly-Horror-777@reddit

LOL, yeah. And I would always say 'If I die in an accident, I'm gonna shit myself anyway!'

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Jumpy_Cobbler7783@reddit

My mom considered it a waste to put underpants on boys and that they were only necessary for daughters wearing short dresses or skirts when they were in public.

I finally bought a package from Penny's with my allowance when I finally got long pants for high school and had to get used to the sensation.

Up to that time my mom insisted that I wear the shortest shorts possible and they were too short to wear anything under them anyway.

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Jumpy_Cobbler7783@reddit

Both of my younger brothers are Generation X I'm a couple years older.

Supposedly moms would get everyone new undies for vacation "just in case" and that girls until recently would wear dresses or skirts which were pretty short during the 1960's and oftentimes panties got exposed inadvertently so they needed to be crisp and new.

All 3 of us boys never wore underwear and especially on vacation because our mom considered it a waste of money for boys and she always got a bit OCD when making our shorts and they were always way too short to wear undies.

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Blackstrider@reddit

I always wondered if, after dying horribly, the Medical Examiner's report would let my mom know that "deceased had clean underwear" or if it would just say "soiled at the time of horrible, mangling death".

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Ok_Sundae2107@reddit

After a person is deceased, wouldn't they lose all control of bodily functions anyway?

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Weak_Employment_5260@reddit

I know he's reviled these days, but Bill Cosby had a bit about that. "My mom would say make sure you're wearing clean underwear in case of an accident. I thought that was what an accident was...you say sh** and then you do!"

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gnortsmracr@reddit

I know he’s problematic today, but dammit if “himself” isn’t one of the best stand-up comedy films ever.

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Puzzleheaded_Bad6461@reddit

it was "first you say it, then you do it" I think

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Weak_Employment_5260@reddit

Yeah, I was paraphrasing

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usabn@reddit

...and here comes your Mother.

"Did he have on clean underwear?!?"

"Yes, we found it in the glove compartment."

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RecycleReMuse@reddit

Meh, it’s kinda 50/50. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Source: hospice nurse I spoke with yesterday.

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LayerNo3634@reddit

Don't know about people, but when we had to put our dog down, she let lose. It was fitting, and the only humorous moment in that room.

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Cold_Lingonberry_291@reddit

Quite a.lot of deceased people do soil themselves.

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Blackstrider@reddit

Right. They may have been clean going in... but you'll never know that!

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Belle_TainSummer@reddit

I mean any incident which was serious enough that it required the ambulance or nursing teams seeing my underwear, I guarantee that my underwear would no longer be clean by that point.

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AmorFatiBarbie@reddit

"She also did NOT have tissues or a clean hankie in her purse"

mother starts weeping

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Prize-Principle7832@reddit

They usually mention what you were wearing and what condition they were in.

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NeighborhoodWild7973@reddit

My underwear is pretty worn.

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Ok-Safety7793@reddit

Back in the 90s I ended up in the ER with multiple fractures and since I neglected to put on underwear that day, I was just balls to the wind on the exam table once they cut away my shorts. Lesson learned.

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RunOrBike@reddit

Happened to me 4 weeks ago. Ambulance to ER after bike accident. Wore my bibs, no underwear…

But hey, I bet they were more concerned about my multiple fractures…

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Ok-Safety7793@reddit

Heal well!

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RunOrBike@reddit

TY! 😀

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MagnificentBastard-1@reddit

They would have just cut your underwear off. You saved a pair!

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SitamoiaRose@reddit

My grandmother would say that you needed to wear clean underwear because if you were in an accident, the ambulance wouldn’t take you to hospital if you didn’t have clean underwear on.

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Valuable_Ant_969@reddit

What region/ nation/ us state, and in what generation was this nonsense in?

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SitamoiaRose@reddit

English greatest Gen grandmother, NZ.

Tongue in cheek.

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Realistic_Young9008@reddit

Yes I had this advice. If Im dead why should I care?

Not long in the original TV show CSI run one character proclaimed there was no sadder thing than a pretty girl than shabby underwear and I couldn't imagine a more unprofessional thing to say. People come from all sorts of walks and life experiences and when they're lying on a mortuary slab, they really deserve to be treated with care and respect. If my mortician or coroner does me dirty like that I'm gonna haunt them good

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Got_Bent@reddit

My wife used to wear her old mismatched sets. Like and underwire would pop out of a bra yet the panties are still ok or the panties tore but the bra is fine.

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LilJourney@reddit

They come in sets? TIL.

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Got_Bent@reddit

Sure do, I have 8 sisters and can say without getting smacked yes they still come in sets

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Embarrassed-Cause250@reddit

LOL!!! So true!

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7LeagueBoots@reddit

Or just keep your ass clean. It’s not difficult to keep a pair of underwear clean while you wear it.

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Vegaprime@reddit

Wasn't it a reoccurring theme on you can't say that on television?

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mtlaw13@reddit

"I don't know"

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Knight_thrasher@reddit

What really bad is that I learned later in life that when we die we lose control over our functions so they would be soiled anyways

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bendingoutward@reddit

And considering our diet, it would have been a goddamn hazard.

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HollywoodGreats@reddit

Those words still haunt me. The few times I needed to go the the emergency room I took a shower and made sure my underwear still smelled like Gain Laundry powder before i went.

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beer_me_babe@reddit

lol yep Told the same thing. Joke was on them though….i didn’t wear underwear

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Minimum_Current7108@reddit

You’re gonna shit yourself if you die in a horrible manner

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medicwhat@reddit

30 years in ems. Never judged a really sick person underwear.

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EbbPsychological2796@reddit

Our mothers didn't care... Clean underwear in case you get hurt!

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ConsistentAd3157@reddit

And to rebel, i free balled for half my life.

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JayeNBTF@reddit

But it becomes dirty underwear the moment I put it on

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daddyjohns@reddit

Yes maam we found his clean underwear in the glove compartment

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1blueShoe@reddit

My Gran used to say…’make sure you’ve got clean undies on as you might get hit by a bus’, took me years to realise if I got hit by a bus I’m probably cacking my kecks anyhoo 🫣😬

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JTMissileTits@reddit

I'm wearing clean underwear either way but if my bowels void in reaction to trauma there's not much I can do about it. 😂

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DanishWhoreHens@reddit

Oh yeah. The underwear thing. It went in tandem with “Why can’t you put on something nice? Do you always have to look like a slob?” Sure mom, I’ll just pop on a dress and some nylons to dive-bomb down the steepest hill in the neighborhood on my roller skates. That frock will really set the tone when I hit the cyclone fence at the end going roughly the speed of sound.

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Flippedacoin@reddit

I just scared my dog by laughing so loudly at this image

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DanishWhoreHens@reddit

I think I still have a diamond pattern on my forehead from that fence.

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XROOR@reddit

I drove a van off a bridge that was incorrectly marked by reflective cones:

The van rolled numerous times down a hill and when it stopped, water was coming inside the van.

I panicked that the van would explode and had to step on the steering wheel and climb out the drivers side window.

I was taken to the hospital by ambulance and both my testicles were jammed back into my body, and the attending ER physician was a lovely lady from Massachusetts and was tasked with fondling my empty scrotum until the two avocados reappeared.

I just got out of the shower to start my day so I was glad to have clean undies on that day!

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GenXCaliGuy@reddit

The clean underwear thing was sort of implied. They didn't have to tell me to do that

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Ineedzthetube@reddit

I worked in the ER, we absolutely do not care about the state of your underwear.

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Got_Bent@reddit

My friend "Big Red" works Critical Care. Irish girl says she just cuts everything off regardless. Oh new Levis? See ya, in the trash.

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CallmeSlim11@reddit

I also worry because I'm over 60 now, divorced and don't shave my legs every day anymore! Last time I was in the ER for a broken collar bone I was apologizing for my legs. LoL. As if the tech really cared. LoL.

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Subject_Housing_8282@reddit

Omg I had a heart cath a few years ago before my surgery and had a HOT Indian doc. Well I haven’t dated or anything in a long time. I fucking forgot they go in thru your groin and girl I had a whole forest down there! The nurses shaved me before I went back. I wanted to die!

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Got_Bent@reddit

Bring a Pith helmet. lol

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Got_Bent@reddit

OMG so this. They were going to cath my heart after an attack but realized I needed a new pacemaker and 2nd lead in my heart so my grion became the second entry and I dint shave the privates but she was all cool and manhandled my junk. I was like damn girl, just dont cut me.

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LayerNo3634@reddit

I shave every single day. I was hospitalized once for 2 weeks. Couldn't take a shower because I was too weak and on oxygen. After the 1st few days, I was mortified. Had to get anticoagulant shots 2X/day in the belly. I didn't care about the shots, didn't care that everything was exposed, I kept trying to cover my legs.

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No_Sand_9290@reddit

I had to apologize profusely because I needed stitches in my upper thigh and at that time I was not wearing underwear. And my wife is friends with the nurse. So I started wearing underwear again.

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Vegaprime@reddit

My mom shaved during a heart attack before going to the er and she was a retired nurse.

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thehoagieboy@reddit

The jokes on them. Once I found out that soon after dying you empty your bowels I decided to go with no underwear. Lookout below!

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Got_Bent@reddit

And sure enough, later in life I was rushed to the hospital for emergency heart surgery. I woke up with just my under wear on and they were clean!

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GTFOakaFOD@reddit

My 16 year old doesn't wear underwear. Which I think is ew, but whatever. One less thing for me to worry about.

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Subject_Housing_8282@reddit

I went anaphylactic on the ct scan table and I shit all over that mfer. I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Came to in a puddle of poo.

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Cerimeadar@reddit

Stopped wearing clean underwear years ago!

Haven't once ended up in the coroner's office!

Winning!

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Live-Blacksmith-1402@reddit

Just this morning I said to myself, At least I have clean underwear on. I might not shower every day, but I DO change my underwear every day!

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JosKarith@reddit

I got the "What if you get hit by a bus line so many times"
I said "Mom, if I got hit by a bus my underwear definitely wouldn't be clean"
Apparently that was being cheeky.

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clamdiggah22@reddit

it was always “ What if you get hit by a bus” even though there were no school buses or public transport, buses, anywhere near us.

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Wakeful-dreamer@reddit

I just realized I say this all the time, and there are very few buses near me either 🤣

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TwoSixtySev3n@reddit

My dad asked me if I would jump off a bridge if all my friends did, I said yes because that means now I have no friends. So dumb.

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GeneralMalaise99@reddit

https://youtu.be/w-G5zmrlYY4?si=Ig1MFarP7JciV4Fo

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crashin70@reddit

My parents always told me it was so "they" wouldn't be embarrassed at the hospital, they never mentioned the coroner.

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ianindy@reddit

You got to wash your ass! -Redd Foxx

https://youtu.be/uldt6Y-CE3s

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Ok-Street7504@reddit

That's hilarious, when I turned 18 I bought a motorcycle this is a phrase my mother uttered to me constantly when I would leave the house, hope you have clean underwear on for when you wreck that thing.

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ailyara@reddit

Garfrost hope giant underpants clean save master great shame for later. (IYKYK)

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Jlr1@reddit

My mom also added the advice to leave the house fully clothed due to an incident she had. It was the 60s and she was in high school. For whatever reason she needed to borrow a dress from her friend that lived less than a mile away. Thinking it would be a quick trip she left the house in curlers and just a dress slip. She ended up having a minor fender bender and she told the police she couldn’t get out of the car because she only had a slip on. He loaned her a raincoat. Lesson learned 🤣

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RCA2CE@reddit

It becomes more relevant as time goes on

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some_marc_guy@reddit

I wonder if my thongs would embarrass them more...

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nosrepmodnara@reddit

Could you imagine having holes in them too. Ermegerd! I mean underwear are the only thing I over pack

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mlo9109@reddit

My mom is an ER nurse, so took her word on it because she would see and judge patients on their underwear. Most notably, a city council member coming in wearing his wife's underwear. He told her to cut them off before the doctor could see them. That stuck with me.

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Please_Go_Away43@reddit

"Roos Of Last Resort"

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mlo9109@reddit

More like, they were into certain types of "activities" and didn't want that becoming public knowledge.

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Please_Go_Away43@reddit

You could be correct. But I offered my explanation, including the jargon term "roos" (from the product "Underoos") because if I was discovered wearing my wife's underwear, that would be why: out of clean underwear of my own. And were I the nurse or doctor in that situation, I like to think I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

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Scouter197@reddit

Or just be like Bart:

Free and easy, Lis'! There's nothing like an unfurnished basement for pure comfort

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Geeko22@reddit

My wife regretted not taking her mom's advice recently. She hadn't taken a shower for three days because she'd been sick, hadn't shaved her legs (I'm not going anywhere) for a month, and was wearing old, ripped and stained underwear.

Of course she got in a car accident and ended up in the hospital "looking and smelling like I'm homeless."

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nonameforyou1234@reddit

What if you shit yourself while dying?

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Fillmore80@reddit

That's been my argument for years! Body lets it all go when you do.

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AncientHorror3034@reddit

We were definitely doing things that would make our underwear dirty if we died. 😆🩲

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Baebarri@reddit

My water broke at about 4 am. I took a shower, dried my hair, put on makeup and ironed my clothes before leaving for the hospital. My mom's lessons really stuck!

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less-than-James@reddit

I'd hope that skid marks on the road would be more concerning than in my underwear.

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dog4cat2@reddit

I finally told my mother if any this catastrophic happens, that is sending me to the hospital or the morgue, they will not know if my underwear were clean or not!

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asoupo77@reddit

When I was in my early 30s I got into a serious car accident and needed to be airlifted to a hospital with a trauma unit. I had just taken a shower and changed clothes before getting into the car, and on the way to the hospital all I kept thinking was, "Well, at least I'm freshly showered and I've got clean underwear on!"

Crazy how that shit imprints on you.

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AmorFatiBarbie@reddit

"Yes asoupo77s mother, she WAS wearing very clean knickers"

Your family nodding approval.

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Rude-Consideration64@reddit

Joke is on them. I stopped wearing those in Jr. High.

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DramaticErraticism@reddit

Tidy Whities problem, nowadays most of us wear different colored underwear, saving our parents from shame, beyond the grave.

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MezAndTish@reddit

Sooooooooooo….. I always told my partner, dont worry about my driving unless you hear me say OH SHIT…..Back in 1996. We were responding to a shots fired call. As per procedure I slowed down at every red light. Got to one light, slowed, started to go… All I got out was “Oh SHI….” BOOM We blasted this guy into the flower stand of a deli. One guy riding with us fell out of the back of the car and was rolling around in pain in the intersection. Was a HUGE deal, anyway we ended up in the emergency room. My partner on one side, I’m all the way on the other. Me being me….. yell out his name across the crowded ER, he says “Yeah I’m here”….. I yell out, “NOW YOU KNOW WHY YOUR MOTHER ALWAYS SAID WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR”. After about 10 seconds of silent processing, the ER erupted in laughter and giggles. So, YES…. ALWAYS wear clean underwear, you NEVER know….

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MorningGlory439@reddit

I told my husband to wear clean underwear to No Kings in case we got arrested, lol.

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Smoking0311@reddit

🤣

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Librarianatrix@reddit

Yeah, when you die you void your bowels and bladder anyway, since there's nothing keeping those involuntary muscles tensed anymore.

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LDawnBurges@reddit

Don’t wear underwear, so jokes on Mom!

True Story Time:

I deliver groceries for a living. My car will only go in to gear, if the key fob is inside the vehicle. My car is fob only (no actual key or keyed ignition). And, I usually leave the car running, while I deliver.

I live/work in a Beach town and pretty much only wear leggings, flip flops & a tee. A few years ago I was in a horrible car accident and was rushed to the Trauma ER, where they cut ALL my clothes off…. And got a pretty good giggle, when they cut my bra off and my car key fob fell out on to the floor. 🤣🤣🤣

I keep it there bc I need my pockets for my phone and I don’t want to lose my fob bc it fell out somewhere, as I take my phone in & out of my pocket. Plus, if someone tries to steal my car, they won’t easily find the fob. And lastly, I can lock/unlock the car, with one hand (by buttons both on the doors and on the trunk), while carrying groceries.

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Tammy993@reddit

If you're in a car crash, the trauma centre doctors and nurses will be concentrating on saving your life , and, if they have to, will cut your clothes off. Last thing on their mind will be cleanliness of your underwear.

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Affectionate_Song_36@reddit

“Take a sweater!” - my mom, every time I’d leave the house into 100 degree Texas heat

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RightHandWolf@reddit

Only 100 degrees? Or did you mean Celsius?

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Responsible_Let_3668@reddit

My grandmother would have had a conniption if I died in dirty drawers

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ONROSREPUS@reddit

Jokes on them, I rarely wear underwear anymore.

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dlc741@reddit

Go commando. Problem solved.

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Ewendmc@reddit

My mother said it was in case you got taken to A&E. She was a nurse. Didn't matter anyway as the last time I was in A&E they cut off all my clothing including my underwear.

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rundabrun@reddit

I always thought that was dumb because our bowels often evacuate at death anyway. Imagine a coroner even thinking about judging someone's parents based on the state of their underwear

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Jimathomas@reddit

Joke's on you, mom. I don't wear underwear!

(Sorry, mom, just kidding. Go back to R-ing-I-P)

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TakeMeToThePielot@reddit

Ignoring, of course, what happens to most people when they die. They should have had us fast for 18-24 hours before going out.

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Accurate_Quote_7109@reddit

Thank you!!!

I always told my mom that if they're going to have to cut off my clothes, I'd prefer that they destroy my period panties (old and ugly)!!😆

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Rory-liz-bath@reddit

If I get hit by a car or some crazy thing were I have to go to hospital I’ve probably already shit myself