ULPT Request - My neighbor is very mad because her dogs bark because of my tree.

Posted by fl4m4bl@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 60 comments

My neighbor has been having a bad financial year. She rent in a place she can not afford. She has 1 one year old kid and 2 dogs. Her husband works 9-9 (7 days a week) delivering packages as freelance.

She left her dogs on the backyard and they bark. They bark as a normal dog will. I have 2 kids. One new born (2 months) and 2 years. Yes we are annoyed about them but we don’t complain. We installed anti sound windows.

Yesterday she arrived very mad because her child could not nap because of HER dogs. She complained that my tree is causing their dogs to bark. She was mad crazy, like out of her mind. I do not responded and ignore her. They also annoyed my kids but o won’t complain back. I think I had enough but I am not confrontational.

The tree is trimmed. It does not pass their property. This was done to avoid issues

What can I do to annoy her more. I am taking of maybe ask their landlords to increase the rent (I know them). Dog whistle to make them bark.

Unethical Ideas?

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OblongAndKneeless@reddit

Why do the dogs bark at the tree? Is it full of squirrels?

fl4m4bl@reddit (OP)

She said because of bees

The dogs bark at bees. 🙄. She should throw jelly into their yard to get the bees more interested in what's going on over there.

CantankerousOlPhart@reddit

Plant more trees! I like the dog whistle idea also.

Wide-Spend-3215@reddit

My Father paid me to grab his back yard neighbor's wind chimes . Early 20's beer funds .

tallSarahWithAnH@reddit

Yo, maybe make her a casserole or a cake or something. She just needs a break.

coffeeandcoffeeand@reddit

The dogs must have seen a squirrel there once. Dumb dogs will continue to bark where they once saw an animal, even after it's gone. The owner needs to train the dogs. There's nothing else to do.

If you want to annoy her, put something in the tree where the dogs can see it. Make it something that moves every once in a while to get them going.

BourbonSucks@reddit

windchimes

OlDirtyJesus@reddit

By far one of the worst things, most annoying, pointless things man has ever invented. I fucking hate wind chimes.

Either_Cupcake_5396@reddit

I thought it was just me

EdTheApe@reddit

You and me both dude. You and me both.

BartlebyX@reddit

Curse you, yes this works.

ichbeineinjerk@reddit

My wife did this. She took different lengths of aluminum pipe (3-4 feet long) and made a giant windchime for a neighbor that lives across the alley from us. My wife hung it up about 11 feet off the ground near our alley fence.

We hate them, they hate us. Such is life.

Making your own is genius because they probably aren't tuned to work together in a pretty sounding way! Dissonant chords are annoying!

ExplorerEducational4@reddit

Scatter bird seed just outside their fence. Birds will proceed shit everywhere nearby, and rile up her neglected dogs even worse. Get some windchimes too

Maybe she'll get so annoyed with their barking that she will rehome them to a family that will actually meet their needs rather than shutting them outside so much

stabbingrabbit@reddit

Corn pieces to attract squirrels and raccoons

Affectionate-Swim772@reddit

And rats. Bacon attracts rats too.

CertainWish358@reddit

Bacon might attract me, too

Many_Customer_4035@reddit

Or abuse them. I would do something that bothers her that doesn't involve the dogs

hybridoctopus@reddit

Draw up an official-looking lawyer letter. Threaten to sue her for the psychological distress all that barking is causing for your tree.

new2bay@reddit

Impersonating a lawyer is considered unlicensed practicing of law. It’s illegal.

redthump@reddit

what part of UnethicalLifeProTips did you miss?

It’s not r/IllegalLifeProTips

landmines. throw your dogshit into their yard.

birdmanjr6969@reddit

Fuck them but teaming up with a landlord to raise rent on someone clearly in mental hell already makes me want throw up

Purlz1st@reddit

Your tree did what???

Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit

The dogs see its bark, so they bark back.

DenialZombie@reddit

Go home, dad.

hindusoul@reddit

Hopefully he comes back home after going to the store to buy a pack of smokes

CuteCanary@reddit

"but Dad did not come back home" - narrated by Morgan Freeman

Complain to the city about the barking dogs.

brzrkKr6@reddit

There is a service called gnoming look it up

The_ZMD@reddit

Cover your dog's ears then use a dog whistle

K9intheVortex@reddit

Some of yall have never watched fear thy neighbor and it shows. This woman is batshit. You don’t want to start a war with batshit. That’s how you wind up on dateline

Dogs are dogs… get them outta the situation if you don’t wanna hear them vocalize about squirrels/raccoons and other shit dogs react to.

Tell her to put them in the fvcking garage…. Take them for more walks to tire them out… they gotta release their energy somehow.

Check on city and tenant laws regarding what animals/pets are allowed and what’s not…

bradbrookequincy@reddit

Get a recording of a siren (fire, ambulance etc). Many dogs will howl when they hear a siren

jadskljfadsklfjadlss@reddit

report her to the humane society.

Mr_McShitty_Esq@reddit

The solution I think about regularly is meat scraps & rat poison. I have to remind myself that it's not the dog's fault, but the owner's fault.

Sooo...

Buy a couple of steaks.
Buy a vacuum food sealer (vacuums & seal food in plastic.
Buy enough heroin to kill nine people @ 250# per person (consult your neighborhood dealer or the dark web).
Have Omaha Steaks deliver a small order to a person completely unknown to you, whom you will pay $50 for accepting your package - half up front, half on pickup.
On day of pickup, stop & grab some dry ice.
Pick up the package from your "friend" when it arrives and pay them.
Kill said new friend using ⅓ of your heroin. Use gloves and leave the needle.
Relieve him/her of your $50.
Take the package home and discard the meat therein.
Take the steaks you purchased and inject the heroin throughout each steak. Make sure the heroin is well distributed & assimilated in the meat.
Vacuum seal the steaks & place them in your Omaha Steaks box.
Drive to the next state over from you.
Mail the box using a mailbox, not a human. Return address? Either be creative or leave it blank.
Wait patiently.

NOTE: Use disposable rubber or nitrile gloves at all times!!! Make sure you wear a long-sleeved shirt and surgical bonnet during preparation. DNA is real & takes attention to avoid leaving traces.

MODS: If not apparent, this post is in jest. I am not suggesting OP follow these suggestions IRL.

Super_Reading2048@reddit

Put a couple of walnuts in the tree way up high, same place in the tree, every day. Squirrels love whole unsalted walnuts in shell & unsalted peanuts (in their shells)!. Dogs bark at squirrels. 😈

But one of those inflatable guys you see at the fair or at car dealerships and put it in the back yard “for the kids”.

Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tubemen

pissdiscs are un-ignorable to dogs.

SassNCompassion@reddit

I love that this is actually relevant this time! Piss discs for the win!

Stop trimming the tree on their side. You are not obliged to. Their airspace, their problem.

Paevatar@reddit

Record the dogs. Rig a speaker in the tree and play the bark recording.

twan206@reddit

get her husband fired. if the kids are too hungry they will sort of always in a nap like state and she will stop bothering you

Starvation = lethargy

Yup, it's logically sound.

Big-Quality-4820@reddit

Call the department of child services for her kids. Call animal control for the welfare of their dogs. Put bird feeders in your tree. Give the dogs something to bark about, then call the police with a noise complaint.

Call the department of child services for her kids.

For why? Seems more spiteful than unethical & not useful in solving the problem. I'm not beyond spite, but using law enforcement to achieve that goal... just not my cup of tea.

ranchwriter@reddit

Sounds like she has mental problems. Asking the landlord to raise rent just sounds like a dick move to me.

hotanduncomfortable@reddit

This is an UNETHICAL tip subreddit. Of course it’s a dick move.

Point taken and agreed upon. IMHO, it IS a rather dickish move, but what pushed it over the edge of "even I wouldn't do that" is that raising her rent is unconnected to the problem. Seems more spiteful than unethical.

YnotBbrave@reddit

Can the police, if the dogs back too long - many cities have rules about how long a dog may bark before it's a nuisance

Here, on the second complaint (the one that brings a $250 fine), you need at least one neighbor to join the complaint with you and the untrained dog owner knows who made the complaint & where they live.

Laws differ by state. Consult your attorney or state/county/city animal control agency for further information.

Bratchan@reddit

Cameras...

Send pamphlets to their house about dogs barking at trees. Something about trees being haunted or that its really just the same color car they have is the real reason.

jeepsaintchaos@reddit

Oh man that's good.

"Your skin makes the dogs bark. You must remove it as soon as possible"

cps42@reddit

Canine (coyote, wolf) urine pellets along her fenceline as far from you as possible. It will attract the dogs to that side of the yard, and keep them coming back to it. Then mix in some other prey scents just out of reach once they get used to the other side of the yard. It will keep their attention over there. They won't be quiet, but they'll be on the other side of the yard.