I’m scared i’ll never feel home again
Posted by Direct-Bowler-5276@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 24 comments
Hi everybody, i have been living in my current country/house for 3 years now. (was my first experience abroad). I was always afraid of this moment as i knew how bad I’ll feel. The movers came today. But seeing my house empty brought up a thought : i feel like i wont ever feel home anywhere else again. Any thoughts, advices or even similar stories (only positives though please, i am an extremely anxious person)
Open-Buddy8160@reddit
I get it. It’s hard starting over again, but what an opportunity! Myself, I like to focus on new places as adventures. Getting to really understand a new place, learning the language…. It has given me the unshakable conviction that I can depend on myself and that I will make a home. I see people I grew up with still living in the same place, and I know that it could never be me. I considered moving back to my home country, but the Netherlands are very expensive now, people can be very nosy, the weather isn’t great, so I decided to move to Italy instead. You got this!!
entropy1985@reddit
I understand your feeling as I also moved 4 counties and more than 10 different apartments in the last 15 years. I realized that in some cases home is where you establish proper and deep connections more than the place itself - but yes, you might experience a better overall experience in one country vs. Another and you might feel at home in a certain place vs. Another one….
Catcher_Thelonious@reddit
Not having a "home" is not a problem, but your anxiety is. I've been abroad since 1988 in six countries. Home is wherever I happen to be. Enjoy the ride. You'll be dead soon.
Direct-Bowler-5276@reddit (OP)
you’ve never felt deeply attached to a place, like you were meant to be there ?
Catcher_Thelonious@reddit
Even if I had such a feeling, so what? It's just a feeling. Feelings come and go.
Mammoth-Goat-7859@reddit
Sometimes they last a lifetime and die when the person does. Try some empathy
Catcher_Thelonious@reddit
If you examine yourself, you'll find that not only you change, but so too do your feelings. No feeling is immutable or eternal.
Mammoth-Goat-7859@reddit
Odd choice of words from someone who lacks empathy. Sociopath?
Catcher_Thelonious@reddit
Disparagement is so becoming on you.
Mammoth-Goat-7859@reddit
Please keep being anti emotional. Judging by your response I bet i'm up the first person to call you this. Maybe this is why you jump around so much. You hurt everybody who dares to get close to you, and then you leave and sew more toxicity. It would make sense as to why you can't connect emotionally AND can't show empathy to those who do. That list of places you've lived isn't a brag... it's a map of destruction. It's what you keep to remember so you can feel like you're in control.
Classic sociopathy.
Catcher_Thelonious@reddit
Thank you for the amateur diagnosis. Amazing you can tell so much from just a few lines of text.
Mammoth-Goat-7859@reddit
Thank you!
Your continued lack of emotional response proves my point perfectly. X
Catcher_Thelonious@reddit
No, thank you.
FR-DE-ES@reddit
Having lived in over 2 dozen towns in 8 European countries in the last 3 decades, and I split my year living in 2 countries (I move twice a year), I made every place I live "feel like home" instantly by always doing the following: 1) I rent apartments that are similar in layout/furnishing/decorating scheme (always the same color scheme & same style furniture), 2) same lifestyle, use exact same products, buy exact same groceries, 3) move with my own sheets/towel/pillow/seat cushion, 4) keep frequent use items in my own containers/bags and place them at spots I would normally put them, so everything I need is always in the "right place". My routine gives me a sense of consistency & familiarity which helps easing me into new home quickly.
AlbaMcAlba@reddit
The world is such a wonderful place especially when you have the ability to travel. Having lived, worked and travelled in 12 or more countries it takes a bit of time to readjust, naturally.
Think of it as an adventure and something few people get to do. Try think positive and keep in contact with the friends you’ve made. You can always go back for visits.
Good luck 🍀
FrauAmarylis@reddit
You don’t know that will happen.
You are allowing tomorrow’s uncertainty to steal today’s joy.
That may never be a problem.
Anxiety is a natural feeling, not to be shunned.
The strategy to use is to Finish the What If thoughts to a satisfactory end.
Here’s an example: “What if” the client gets angry? Then calmly apologize for them being upset and explain how you are following company policy, and explain the next steps, and ask if they have more questions, and last, offer to have them speak to a manager.
And remind yourself that the more you do it, the easier it will become.
We All have anxiety. We all have to manage it or risk being unemployed or making our lives harder from avoidant behavior.
Bokbreath@reddit
can't offer much advice without knowing what triggered the move. are you changing jobs, houses, countries or ? are you doing this or is it being done to you ?
Direct-Bowler-5276@reddit (OP)
it’s being done to me. Contract is over, going to a new country and this time without my family.
Mammoth-Goat-7859@reddit
Leaving your family is so hard. Every new "home" is different. And if you're lucky, you'll love it for a different reason.
Bokbreath@reddit
I contracted around europe for 20yrs starting in my 20's. No family. I knew nobody. I met new people each time, some of whom are still friends 40yrs later. You will learn to quickly settle in somewhere and, if like me at all, 'home' will be the things you bring with you.
al_tanwir@reddit
I had the same feeling when I went back to Canada after living in Indonesia for 4 years straight. You will gradually feel a bit more like home after you settled, so don't worry. :)
cfesta5@reddit
I also feel that way, because I've moved so much between countries and states in the US, so the people I love are scattered everywhere, and the nostalgia/saudade feels like it's always there. But then I meet more people I love, and it makes that place feel like home. I'm planning on moving to somewhere in the EU soon to be closest to the largest concentration of those people. And I move through the world knowing I haven't met everyone I'll love yet, and that I'll have another home, even if it's different from the previous ones.
All to say, it's an understandable feeling, and I empathize 💚
Therealladyboneyard@reddit
That was beautifully said
Direct-Bowler-5276@reddit (OP)
thanks, that actually comforts me in a way !