Are we the "helicopter parents"?
Posted by scarlettohara1936@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 296 comments
I just read a post here about a Gen X parent who doesn't use location monitoring apps for his teens. He said he was the only one amongst his friends no to do so.
I'm 50 and had my son at 21 so I was young. Smart phones weren't a thing until my son was in high school and tracking apps weren't a thing yet.
Thank gawd!
Interesting-Mess2393@reddit
My fear is that some went the extreme opposite direction in answer to how they wished their childhood could have been. I have a friend who always says they are having family trips, they are just super close, etc and her kids are in their 20s. Sadly, they aren’t the most independent kids which disappoints me. I was a latchkey kid because my parents had to work but I remember my mom being adamant that I was to be independent and capable of handling myself.
PFAS_All_Star@reddit
We are absolutely the helicopter parents. I find it hilarious all the complaining in this sub about how gen z have no life skills, no independence, participation trophies, and safe spaces. Who exactly do they think it is raising their kids like that?
Mistyam@reddit
Truth! GenX birthed and raised the majority of gen-Zers.
scarlettohara1936@reddit (OP)
OMG. Does that mean we let our kids eat tide pods!!? 🤦🤣
IAm5toned@reddit
that would be a very genX thing to do 😂😂😂
Blue_Henri@reddit
My SO and I say this to each other quite regularly for all sorts of situations. It’s in our top five.
scarlettohara1936@reddit (OP)
Isn't it awesome that you guys have your own language? Like you two can say something to each other that makes no sense at all to the rest of the world, but the meaning is obvious to you guys!
My husband and I have our own language also. However, in a rare moment, I was on speaker phone with my best friend while my husband was in the room and I said something weird to my bestie and my husband was shocked! Made me realize it's not just married couples that have their own language :)
Proper-Guarantee8381@reddit
I’d smoke it
Pure-Force8338@reddit
Yeah it does. Y’all fucked up.
randomname5478@reddit
Unless they have a good chance of dying. Ive just been telling my kids thats a bad choice and letting them continue doing whatever they are doing.
L_wanderlust@reddit
Toooons of millennials also had gen zs! You forget that millennials started in 1981 and have been having kids for like 20 years or more at this point
Viola-Swamp@reddit
Try 30+ years!
L_wanderlust@reddit
Ok yes was possible for 30+ years but the oldest millennials are only 43/44 and weren’t having kids at 10-14
Mistyam@reddit
I agree there is overlap. I seem to remember "helicopter parenting" becoming a thing in the 90s, before Millennials started having babies, but yeah, overall they haven't done a great job of raising their kids either.
spanchor@reddit
The first big dumb news stories about helicopter parents referenced Millennial children whose parents were calling their college professors and managers post-college.
polyrhetor@reddit
Am college professor. Can confirm this has been happening since the 00s.
potsofjam@reddit
You really should teach them how to build scaffolding, it does come in very handy.
L_wanderlust@reddit
Yeah that’s what I recall as well
Mistyam@reddit
Yep, I remember those. I remember one of our local DJs talking on the radio about how when they went to orientation for the college where his kid was going, one of the parents raised her hand and asked who was going to wake her kid up to be on time for class. Maybe you shouldn't be living independently if you don't know how to wake yourself up in the morning...
BreadyStinellis@reddit
Most millennials didn't start having kids until much later tho. Average age of first time Gen X parent is 25-26. Average age of first time millennial parent is female, 27, male, 30. Anecdotal, but I'm 40 (a millennial) and my friend's kids are all 10 and under. The only people I know who had kids young had oops babies.
SadApartment3023@reddit
Same. Across the board.
Enders-game@reddit
We looked at our childhood and thought "I won't make the same mistakes my parents made!" and overcompensated.
ND_Poet@reddit
Absolutely. And not just the helicopter stuff… there were a lot of things I did differently because of how I was raised. As someone who grew up with way too many responsibilities as a kid, I wanted my kids to be able to be kids. Lucky for me, my kids wanted to learn to do things for themselves as they became teens. So yeah, they didn’t know how to do laundry when they were 6, but they wanted to learn as they got older.
I also think about how I always wanted to get out of the house because it was not a pleasant place to be, to put it mildly. It initially surprised me that my kids wanted to be at home as they’ve become teens - but then I thought about the fact that my husband and I have created a home environment that they don’t need to escape.
billzilla@reddit
That is so depressing.
scarlettohara1936@reddit (OP)
I was afraid of this.. though many of us are empty nesting at this point, many of us still have kids at home. The reality is that Gen X has been "the parents" for the last 25 years. We're the right age for it.
It hurts my heart though. We had so much freedom as kids only to completely obliterate any form of independence in our kids!
unkorrupted@reddit
Don't worry! They will rebel and overcorrect by letting their own kids do whatever the hell they want.
It's a cycle
Odd-Addition-1359@reddit
They are over correcting by listening to country music and supporting conservative culture.
Viola-Swamp@reddit
How many of us parented our friends? I was the one driving everyone home from the party when they’d been drinking, driving everyone to the clinic for STI testing or pregnancy tests or paps and birth control, feeding everyone for Thanksgiving before ‘Friendsgiving’ was a thing, having a group Christmas, taking in people kicked out by their parents or just fighting and needing space… We’ve been parenting our whole lives in some way or another, even parenting ourselves. Is it many wonder that instinct went a little haywire in some of us and kicked into overdrive? At least therapy is socially acceptable these days, so maybe we can overcome the half-assed underparenting we received with couch time instead of hypervigilant overparenting.
AndSoItGoes__andGoes@reddit
It's me! I wrote the other post! I had NO idea how many of my fellow Xers were tracking their kids. Clearly I am in the minority by not tracking my kids.
I'm a high school teacher so it's not like I don't know what kids could be up to. I do. I just believe VERY strongly in what I learned about brain development, learning and independence. It is SO important for kids to explore their boundaries, to learn of their own, to feel risk, and feel supported.
We are failing our kids BADLY by helicoptering them
L_wanderlust@reddit
Lots of millennial parents of gen z…
SignificantTransient@reddit
A strong majority
BreadyStinellis@reddit
No, the majority of Gen z's parents are Gen X, followed by boomers (I was surprised by this), then millennials. This stuff is googlable
SignificantTransient@reddit
Hmm. Apparently they rolled zoomers back to 96?? So millennials only cover 15 years...
I can't keep up
BreadyStinellis@reddit
They all cover 15 years. Millennials have always ended at 95/96.
BIGepidural@reddit
GenX only covers 15 years too. We go from 65- 80.
Capable_Opportunity7@reddit
I have a 15 year old and I'm a huge pain in the a$$. I assume it's overcompensation, and he, in turn, will ignore any off spring the cycle begins anew....
QuiJon70@reddit
That's not really fair. I know i didn't raise my kids that way. I tried to kick my kids out of house to spend time with friends and it was a no go. With my kids and others. The boys just sat around playing Xbox on headsets the girl chatting on Instagram and playing Pokémon and texting.
squanchy_Toss@reddit
Not all of us. My 2 were raised like I was. Zero coddling. I was a firm but fair parent to the best of my abilities and neither of them got phones before 14. My mom was tough but fair and that is what I emulated.
Use_this_1@reddit
Some of us hovered and taught life skills. My daughter made some pretty good $$ doing kids laundry in the dorms. My kids can write in cursive & drive a stick shift, the younger one had to google how to write a check last year because she'd never written one before.
Just know it isn't too late to teach your kids this stuff, especially if they are still at home.
_SkiFast_@reddit
Yep, we're all afraid they'll do everything we did lol.
Eventually you might reach a point you HOPE they start doing something you did and switch up.
Well, you can hope.
realityguy1@reddit
This and only this is the answer.
SnowcatTish@reddit
Yes, as a childless Gen X I see it as overcompensation for being ignored most of our lives. But unfortunately Gen X is raising a generation struggling to be even a little bit self sufficient.
FionaTheFierce@reddit
I am not - but I think a rarity among my friends and neighbors. I live 4 blocks from the elementary school with no busy streets and was the only parent letting my kids walk there on their own. I mean, we are talking about 10-11 year olds being escorted through a safe neighborhood to school.
I encouraged my kids to head to the park on their own, take buses and metro on their own in middle school, etc.
trUth_b0mbs@reddit
I have teens and I dont track my kids. I feel that's super weird? Im totally not a helicopter parent either; I want my kids to grow up like I did - resilient and resourceful.
Heathers4ever@reddit
Yes we are. There are obvious extremes. But I think a lot of GenX parents fall in to some degree. Friends my age with kids all in the same age range as mine, have some sort of way to track their kids. Be it Life360 or using their phone. I have Find My on my phone. Husband I and both have our young adult on it and it is known that it can’t be turned off-though that rule started years ago. The thing is, they know the locations for all their friends. It was explained it’s for safety reasons. Which honestly is great and shows concern for the well-being of others. None of my child’s friend seem to use it for naferious reasons. Plot twist though, my husband has a bunch of friends and family on his. These people do not all live nearby. To me that’s crazy beyond aging parents for safety reasons. I’ve got my husband and child. That’s it.
As far as tracking, in general I don’t. I dont need to know they left point A and are now at point B. Though a friends parents does track their child's every move.
YoureSooMoneyy@reddit
100%
My daughter is married with kids and if you give me a pen, paper and 5 minutes I can write down everyone she’s ever been in a car with where someone else was driving. She still texts me when she parks somewhere and when she’s about to leave a place.
Granted we are very close but yea. I’ll helicopter all day, every day. She knows she’s loved and valued and wanted. She’s couldn’t care less and is happy to indulge my crazy.
fadedtimes@reddit
I’m not a helicopter parent but my peers are, so yes I guess the majority of us are. Which I find odd because we definitely had the opposite
midwest-libertine@reddit
Helicopter parents are more intrusive than monitoring, checking location, etc. Helicopter parents are those who never “cut the cord” and continued to do everything for their children into adulthood. The term “helicopter parents” became very popular in 2002 and continued with the eldest of millennials being the young adults having the helicopter parents. I worked on college campuses from 1999-2015 in student affairs/housing/activities.
Helicopter parents would call our RAs or housing staff and provide details on the bedtime rituals that little Johnny needed to get a good sleep and then tell us that he needed to be woken up gently, as if you startle him he might swing his hands. Helicopter parents thought we would wake their kids up. Another is roommate issues were reported by the parents and the parents wanted to be the go between.
I would say, yes, it was probably elder Gen X, or young baby boomers (parents born 1960-1970) who were the worst “helicopters”, but this is also the group that learned early if they wanted something, they had to just do it or advocate for themselves. That independent/I’ll just do it attitude continued on as they would advocate for their kids and young adults in ways that their parents never did.
Xer-angst@reddit
Generation Jones are the helicopter parents. They are the participation ribbons, and everyone's a winner generation. They birthed millennials. I have a tracker on my 20 yr old and 16 yr old and they have us tracked too. I have a tracker on my Dad because he leaves his phone in various establishments, and mom can call me to find its location. She does not have a smartphone and refuses to get one, lol. But apparently, his phone across the country is my responsibility to track? My aunt is a GJ and will not allow her 30 yr old daughter to drive 1.5 hours with her 2 small children to visit my mom alone. It's not safe!! Meanwhile my 20 yr old is 5 hours away and she can manage just fine. No small children, but wtf? I raised mine alone across the country with no help, and we are perfectly fine. Annoying
Civil-Philosophy1210@reddit
Will not allow her 30 year old daughter to do something? I mean she’s 30 why would she need permission from her mom.
Xer-angst@reddit
She went with her so she wouldn't drive alone. That has to be exhausting. I dont understand it.
Both-Grade-2306@reddit
So as a kid when I went anywhere I had to call my parents when I got there. Now I use find me to check my son made it. Same thing different tech. I don’t check it regularly only when the need arises to know.
Civil-Philosophy1210@reddit
Calling your parents when you arrived somewhere is not very genX
Working-goddess@reddit
Same. I didn't have neglecting parents. They cared about my homework, went to parent teacher conferences, and they asked me to call them whenever I made it to wherever I was going. Of course I still did the whole riding my bike and just be gone the whole day, they left me alone at home and told me go out of the house and play. But they always showed me love. I don't have any kind of app to monitor my kids, but they all have Snapchat and I can see where they are if I want to. When they're home from college I do ask them to text me when they're on their way back from parties, or the beach.
DramaIcy611@reddit
Not I my guy
Odd-Addition-1359@reddit
I have no kids, but nieces and nephews from my brothers and sisters. Gen X is 100% helicopter partners. The kids are so sheltered, but in a very structured way, it is crazy.
ButterscotchGreen734@reddit
Yes and no it depends. Most of us are actually snowplow parents.
I have my kids on location for just practical reasons. It’s close to curfew. Are you on your way home? If you are cool moving on. If not you get a text. Avoided a whole ass issue by knowing you’re on your way home. This actually happened. A kid got a flat tire and sucks at directions to tell me where they are. Thank god for 360, on my way. I don’t stalk them. I only use it when I genuinely just need to know. Like “Did the youngest have work today? I can’t remember. If she did I will skip dinner” Quick check and moving on.
Now people who use this to fuel their anxiety over everything their kid does? Yeah. Go to therapy. You raised them. Trust yourself.
bae125@reddit
I think we kinda started it, but the millennials fucking perfected it
LeatherRebel5150@reddit
Myself (millennial) and my friends with kids actively don’t do these things. No ipads, no phones, the ones old enough for phones, no tracking.
bae125@reddit
That’s impressive! I wish my friends and family were more like that.
I’m not just blaming millennials btw, we’re guilty too. My (ex) wife was way more helicopter than me as a parent of our now 24yr old girl. Thankfully all turned out well but there were a lot times I let the kid do “too much on her own”
No_Original5693@reddit
My ex-wife was the helicopter. I wanted the kids to learn the hard way
Reasonable_Piglet370@reddit
I'm a childless GenX with lots of GenX friends with kids and yes, yes you are the helicopter parents
I've seen friends who would stay out all night in the woods at 14 refuse to let their 16 year cycle home 1 mile from a mates house at 5pm.
Electronic_Rub9385@reddit
Snowplow parents.
Helpful_Librarian_87@reddit
I don’t know, I don’t let my kids fuck off into the wilderness all summer but they did have more ‘freedom’ than their friends. And our house has always been sanctuary
OttersAreCute215@reddit
GenX was underparented, so many of them over corrected.
DeadMeat_1240@reddit
Make no mistake. We did this. I've always felt this way. But true to my GenX roots, I don't care enough to fight about it. Raise your kids however the f**k you want.
Kblast70@reddit
I had my kids young, I once had a cop stop me because I let my 6 and 8 year old children play in the locked car while I waited for a pizza.
My kids were riding bikes alone and such with a high level of freedom from a young age. Now my oldest thinks it is dangerous to let her 8 year old rid his bike in the street lol. I was never a helicopter and won't be for my grandkids either.
Kwyjibo68@reddit
I am. I have to be to an extent. My kid is autistic and needs a lot of oversight. I also have a lot of anxiety, so it’s a constant struggle, trying not to do too much and to help him be more self sufficient.
TripThruTimeandSpace@reddit
I was like you, I'm 55 and I had my (millennial) kids young (I was 21 and 23 when they were born) so no cell phones until high school, no helicopter parenting.
Jameson-Mc@reddit
Most people are not firm enuff with their kids or animals - they are not willing or able to understand the totality of their actions
Francl27@reddit
When my kids were little, it drove me crazy how many other moms felt the need to watch or play with their kids every single moment they are awake... and judging you for not doing the same.
Mikethemechanic00@reddit
Younger Gen X with Alpha kids. Lots of Gen X who had kids late 90s early 00s are the helicopter parents. The boomer parents who never spent time with us made them the opposite. Watched a neighbor hover around her son for years. He turned out to be a shy early 20s guy who was anti social. There is a huge amount of Gen X who have Aloha kids like me. We are in between Helicoper parents and Boomer. I spend all of my time with my kids. But they have to play outside a lot. They will have to get jobs in HS. They will not be like the GenZ who never had to work and was given a free ride in HS and College. My kids will be able to live with us after HS and College if they decide too. I have seen so many Gen Z who failed to launch their careers till they became now mid 20s.
theghostofcslewis@reddit
No.
hundredpercentdatb@reddit
If I wasn’t before the Covid lockdowns turned me into one “careful we don’t want to go to the hospital during a pandemic”
Juanfartez@reddit
https://i.redd.it/9je612kvo25f1.gif
Of course we're the helicopter parents. I was the door gunner with my kids.
limitless__@reddit
Don't let people pretend Gen X aren't helicopter parents they ABSOLUTELY are. Millenials are lawn-mower parents, they try to obliterate any obstacles in their kids way resulting in kids who can't cope with anything. Gen X though, we are the helicopters.
CrumblinEmpire@reddit
Late Gen X — Helicopter Millennial — Bulldozer Gen Z — Annoying Roommate
bird9066@reddit
When I was in highschool in the eighties I had a couple of friends who had parents like that.
The first time I went to Dana's house and she got a fat joint off her dad I damn near died. Her mom wasn't around.
I wanted my kids to trust me and talk to me. Not be my friend. It almost never worked out well for the kids. Dana was fine, but she had a good head on her shoulders. Don't know where she got it, but it wasn't from her dad.
potsofjam@reddit
The thing I don’t understand about that isn’t even so much the drugs or alcohol are bad for teenagers, it’s the I don’t want to be around me kids when they are drunk or stoned. I definitely don’t want them to be around me when I’m hammered. I want to be in bar full people in late middle age who’ve made a lot of mistakes in life.
bird9066@reddit
Agreed. My 32 year old occasionally smokes weed. I've given him some after a very stressful situation. I have never smoked with or hung out with him while we're stoned.
BIGepidural@reddit
Dude. I'm a baby X and most of my kids friends parents were 5-10 years older then me and they helicoptered like fuck. Dont pretend like the elder Xs didn't start the shit cause they absolutely did.
scarlettohara1936@reddit (OP)
I haven't heard of lawn mower parenting except for a few times and your post reminded me of that. I might be guilty of that...
Much2learn_2day@reddit
I’ve heard it called snowplow parenting but i am in Canada
BadQuail@reddit
Well, you have to make these terms relatable if you want them to catch on.
Motor-Discount1522@reddit
That's because the term is "bulldozer parenting."
CurveNew5257@reddit
This is the correct answer. I couldn’t think of the name but you hit the nail on the head with lawnmower parents, coming from a millennial they are worse although neither is ideal
OnPaperImLazy@reddit
It's because of those damn milk cartons and the stories behind them, which we heard over and over and over. They were real stories and real tragedies, but we grew up believing that would absolutely happen to our children. I don't think my parents thought about stranger abduction as a near certainty the way I did when my kids were young.
BearApart927@reddit
Fr, I was so paranoid when my children were young.
scarlettohara1936@reddit (OP)
This!!! My parents were convinced that a stranger would abduct Me or rape me. It took me years to figure out that it was not the strangers that I needed to be afraid of, it was the people I know!
LeafyCandy@reddit
Yes. Yes, we are.
Soft_Nectarine_1476@reddit
I probably helicoptered in some respects on scholastic stuff, not so much on social stuff. He was always expected to work over the summer and manage his own health and finances. He turned out to be a decent and hardworking adult who probably smokes a bit too much weed but all and all is a good guy. ☺️
Fistofpaper@reddit
Yes, unless you consciously went the free-range kids route. I noted this at playgrounds etc. starting in the early to mid-90s. It was a backlash to being latchkey kids. Every gen throughout time will over-correct what they feel was the biggest mistake of their parent's gen.
Fistofpaper@reddit
Yes, unless you consciously went the free-range kids route. I noted this at playgrounds etc. starting in the early to mid-90s. It was a backlash to being latchkey kids. Every gen throughout time will over-correct what they feel was the biggest mistake of their parent's gen.
Grouchy_Ad_3705@reddit
We are the generation brow beaten and scaremongered to KEEP THE KIDS INSIDE because there was poison in candy and kidnappers on every corner. Humans have never before demanded that kids be supervised in this way. We did what we did out of fear.
Simple-Purpose-899@reddit
Definitely not me. My daughter has had full freedom since her 16th birthday. No chance I would ever do smut gps shit with her.
Fawien@reddit
I'm 48, my son is 15. I wouldn't say I helicopter him, but what I do is make sure that I have lots of talks with him. All the talks I never had with my father who passed when I was 17. I've spent the last 30 years thinking about all the little things I had to figure out on my own, and sometimes way too late, all because the person I inherited all my problems from passed away and never shared any advice.
In some ways, im blessed that my son is so much like me so I know I don't have to overly worry, but in other ways I know what personal battles he will have down the road.
LachlanGurr@reddit
Yup, and I'll tell you why I reckon that is. Although lots of us were raised free range, just before we became parents the silence on institutionalised child abuse was broken. In about 1990 it all came out and was all over the international media and that global prosecution continues to this day. And we realised that in our carefree childhood we were at risk and worse, the abusers got a bunch of us. So we became fiercely over protective of our own kids, not because we are are really scared of them falling off the swings. Because we know they are surrounded by hidden predators and we can't do anything about it. So we displace that fear onto the playground equipment. I formed this opinion over fifteen years in the child protection industry trained in trauma and mental health.
ApatheistHeretic@reddit
Hardly. I tried pushing mine out to experience things without my direct intervention. They didn't take to independence until teenager-dom.
Out_of_Darkness_mc@reddit
My kids are 30 and 27. Hubs and I are 54. My son-n-law is 31. We are ALL on Life360 together!😂We have zero shame! Our kids have great careers, left home at college and in fact, we all hope to share a family home soon! We just really all love being together and our littles grew up to be the people we love to spend the most time with. We raised them not how we were raised (we had terrible upbringings) but gave them plenty of freedom to be themselves and explore their passions. We were wild when we were young and just knew ours didn’t have it in them to do half the crazy shit we did!
Strong_Molasses_6679@reddit
I wouldn't call us helicopter parents, but I'd definitely call us "High altitude loitering drone" parents.
Forward_Nothing5979@reddit
Some of that crap is boomers fault still.
I am gen x raised by boomers. I was a larch key kid. Have loads of memories of black cat firecrackers used to test best way to blow things up.
Also had to cook supper 5 days a week since parents were at work. Had to tear up the entire floor of the house for new tile to go down. Literally had a car that sat sat in 1 spot for over a decade towed home, to get it running for when I was 16.
Then in my twenties I watched my parents my cousins kid. Totally different upbringing than what I had.
That kid was babied and spoiled. They doted on him, took him on trips. Gave him my old room, not the guest room. Bought him loads of stuff. Always helped him out.
The way he turned out had zero to do with my gen x cousin birthing him. It had nothing to do with me telling my parents to back off they were spoiling him, since they didn't listen.
Thatthingthis@reddit
Yinz are , buncha breeders !
Northman_76@reddit
Nope can't say I've hovered over my girls, they had basic rules, curfew, no drugs, no drinking and driving the basics, and we gave them room to fuck up,....kids need to be able to fuck up and learn from it, by giving them the freedom to do it, they made small ones and avoided the big ones. Hell I even sat down after said fuck ups and had Q & A with em. It was productive. And pretty soon, they started listening a bit more to mom and dad. So I'm gonna so nope we dont hover, but we were/are involved.
Detroitdays@reddit
Yes.
rangerm2@reddit
I'm not interpreting the term the same way you are, I guess.
Simply confirming that your kids made it to whatever destination they said they were going to, isn't the same thing as hovering around or spying on their conversations, texts and emails.
ArticleNo2295@reddit
What if they find a better destination? What if their plans change? Do they have to tell you?
rangerm2@reddit
If they're 18, no. Under that, hell yes.
BIGepidural@reddit
If their on a 1st date with someone they met online- yes.
If they're just out there doing their everyday thing- no.
ComfortableHat4855@reddit
For real. Sounds exhausting.
ilikecats415@reddit
Exactly this. My son is a commuter student and does a ton of driving. I have his location (with his consent) to essentially make sure he's made it where he is supposed to be. I don't even look at it unless there is some kind of issue.
Like, I literally don't even go into his bedroom without asking/knocking and have never looked through his things or his phone. This isn't about trust or invading privacy. As a family, we are mostly aware of each other's comings and goings. We're close and know each other's routines so it's a courtesy more than anything.
OnPaperImLazy@reddit
It's also not because you don't trust them or don't want them to make their own decisions. That has literally 0% to do with it. The never-trackers are having a different argument that the trackers are.
deadbwalking@reddit
I personally was not a helicopter parent-I had my three kids young so they are all adults now-but I do know plenty of their friend's parents were
BIGepidural@reddit
Same. Wasn't me with mind; but I saw everywhere with their peers parents. Shit was nuts!
ronejr71@reddit
Never tracked my girls, my ex may have but I didn't.
Reginald_Sockpuppet@reddit
Yes. GenX overcompensated due to our lack of attention and we over-coddled, over-awarded, and over-protected and created a generation and a half of shitheads.
It was us. Been saying this for years.
MaleficentMousse7473@reddit
Yes. Ironic, isn’t it
Nouseriously@reddit
I was very involved in my son's life, but I was fine with him going skateboarding without me around
Ksan_of_Tongass@reddit
Hell no. I was feral and so were my kids.
MyriVerse2@reddit
The term became popular in the late 80s, which is Boomer parent territory, but some of us as well. Any parent from the late 80s onward is likely to be helicopter.
Not me.
digawina@reddit
Some of us are (raises hand), some of us aren't. You're not going to get a unified answer, but also, so what? Every generation has people who have been fucked up by one thing or another (this sub is the poster child for that).
Mine is only 11. We told him he will get a phone at 12, but you know what? I'm about to cave because his having one and my ability to see where he is if he gets lost (his dream right now is to bike over 2 miles down winding roads with no sidewalks to a friend's house) will actually give him MORE freedom and ability to venture out on his own.
If someone takes issue with that, well, don't do that with your kid, I guess? I don't know. To each their own. Why do people care so much about how other people are dealing with their kids?
BIGepidural@reddit
My kid had a phone at 10 because we didn't have a home phone and if I went out we needed one for him to be home with whoever, Yada Yada Yada; but I loved him having his phone when he was 11 and wandering the streets because we could call or text each other as needed, and his friends and their parents even used my kids phone to check on their kids or call parents to ask for more time while out, etc...
Cellphones are fricken great when they are used as the tools that are intended to be by young people in the wild.
When my kid was 12-14 we had the "power struggle years" and punishment was him loosing his cell phone, and he wasn't allowed out without his phone so we has additionally grounded when he lost his device.
Break the rules again and you loose your computer too- wanna lose those consols next? Just try me child you got lots of stuff and I can do this all damned day 🤣
Ugh!
Those years were HELL. We fought quite a bit; but I laid down the law and stood by it... around 18ish he brought up those years and actually thanked me for not giving up on him while he was pressing back so hard.
Not sure why I shared that. Sorry.
Accomplished-Math740@reddit
I blame school shootings and more in home entertainment than we ever dreamed of having.
ReplacementReady394@reddit
Helicopter AND lawnmower parents
EastHuckleberry5191@reddit
I call the extreme ones flight medic parents.
EastHuckleberry5191@reddit
Yes. Some of us are.
Skylark7@reddit
I'm so glad my GenX SiL tossed my nephews out the doors to play in the woods where they bought their house. They were free to skin their knees, go splat into a tree with a homemade zip line (apparently that one hurt), and they didn't have their own phones for as long as she could manage.
Fluid_Anywhere_7015@reddit
I did. Because I had a daughter who came out of the closet in a homophobic state. I sat her down and asked her to keep it on, just in case she got into trouble so I could find her. I told her I didn’t give a rats ass where she went for her fun or on her own time, but if something ever happened, I wanted to be able to get to her when she needed me.
She started crying and I felt like shit until she said I was the greatest fucking dad ever, and I was the only one she trusted to come rescue her if she needed it.
Vali-fucking-dated.
BIGepidural@reddit
I have a Queer son and same. The world can be incredibly dangerous for LGBTQ+ for sure.
jluvdc26@reddit
Yeah, I think a lot of us overcorrected for our neglected childhoods.
sangvert@reddit
My BIL and SIL do all of their kids homework for them, up to and including college. I have sat and watched my BIL (he actually does most of it) sit at his desk working on a paper for my nephew while my nephew is in his room gaming.
I don’t know if that’s helicopter behavior, but to me, it’s nuts
Green_343@reddit
Whoa, this is crazy. What happens when the nephew gets a job? Is the BIL going to do his job and his child's job?
ReplacementReady394@reddit
This is lawnmower parenting, which is far worse
sangvert@reddit
Oldest kid took 5 years to graduate from a four year degree, and later took a semester or so and landed a completely different job from his major. Middle kid has problems, he is still working on remote college. Youngest is till in college.
Oldest has a condo my BIL and SIL bought for him, other 2 are at home
BornTry5923@reddit
That's repulsive. Sorry, but that is the first word that comes to mind. Absolute disgust.
am312@reddit
I was born in '76 and I am absolutely not a helicopter parent. My sister who was born in '69 is the Chinook of helicopter parents.
wjglenn@reddit
Well, it’s more complicated than that. Some of us are (were), some not.
We gave our kids most of the same freedoms we had as kids. Freedom to roam (safe neighborhood with a bordering state park, same neighborhood I grew up in), freedom to fail, freedom to get hurt doing dumb kid stuff.
Only big difference was that by the time my kids were around 11, they had cell phones so they could at least check in. Might seem young, but my son has Type 1 diabetes and my daughter asthma, so we needed them to be able to reach us.
But, some of my contemporaries were definitely helicopter parents.
CallMeSisyphus@reddit
I wasn't. I had my son when I was 32, so smart phones and social media were definitely a thing when he hit the dreaded teen years.
I took the position that my job was to raise him to be independent, and that couldn't happen if I micromanaged him. He had to learn to make judgment calls, and he had to make mistakes and deal with the consequences. I figured it was better for him to make those mistakes when the stakes were low and I was there to guide him, so he'd be ready to handle himself when he went away to college.
Fortunately, it worked out beautifully. He's 27, and has been totally independent for five years. Doesn't ask for money, doesn't even accept it when I offer money, and he calls at least every other day. We transitioned really well from "parent/authority figure and child" to "close friendship with supportive old lady who will give advice - but only when asked because she knows how to mind her own business."
justme7256@reddit
I’m guilty of helicopter parenting but my son is autistic, so that kinda changes things.
therelybare5@reddit
Luckily, my wife and I weren’t helicopter parents. Of course, it would have been difficult since we didn’t have kids in the first place! 😂
HadynGabriel@reddit
We weren’t as bad but we did start the process. I do blame us for starting it all
Tyrigoth@reddit
I stepped in ONLY when my kids were in a potentially bad situation.
Example: My youngest daughter defended one of her peers who was being bullied by persons two grades up. SHE was accused of bullying....so I went down to the school and tore the two "aids" and the principle a brand new asshole.
She returned the next day after I got an apology for not giving her a non-confrontational environment where she didn't feel like SHE was being bullied. I pointed out the hypocrisy and asked if they wanted to explain it to the school board.
Sometimes it hits the fan and you have to step in...the rest of the time, you trust them and try to offer wise counsel.
Hybrid Helicopter.. :)
9inez@reddit
My Gen Z kids had a lot of freedom based on trust, were allowed to make mistakes and test their own boundaries of right and wrong.
Never tracked them and only made them cough up their phones for examination once.
Most of the time they chose well without drones hovering over them.
They have survived into their mid 20s.
GalianoGirl@reddit
My brother and I are two years apart, but my youngest is 9 years older than his oldest.
Our children have been raised very differently.
I cannot imagine tracking anyone. With the exception that I have find my phone attached to my Mum’s cell that is on my account. She is aware.
I have used it once, when we got separated overseas.
MuricanPoxyCliff@reddit
Loaded question.
The world is a lot more fucked up and a lot more lethal than the 70's I grew up in. I've raised two. One is 25, the other 11.
We see our role as managing choices and assisting with navigation of a complex world. How do you earn and keep your values and interests and remain polite. How to cook healthy food. How to make good choices. How to evaluate media for fact and bias. How to keep mental and physical health.
We're trying to pass on our wisdom about how to live a good life by managing their experiences as best we can both for intentional exposure to others and for their protection.
If that's helicoptering because I don't toss him out on the street to play aimlessly, then sure. I helicopter. Proudly.
JulieThinx@reddit
Nope.
Free range parents.
Before you are an adult, I'm raising you to be an adult.
Once you become an adult, you are an adult.
If you share you location it is because you CONSENT to it.
Silly-Mountain-6702@reddit
how are they going to get in trouble if they refuse to learn how to drive?
CptBronzeBalls@reddit
Yes. I regret not letting my kid fail more and learn to deal with hardships on his own.
ljlkm@reddit
Same. I’m working the natural consequences now but it’s killing me not to swoop in!!
Born_Joke@reddit
I raised my son (now 24) using "natural consequences" (with reason of course). One example: he was 2 or 3 and we were on paddle boat and he kept wanting to lean over. After telling him not to and that he would fall in, I let him fall in (he was wearing a life jacket). It's kind of like FAFO, but for kids lol
romeodread@reddit
We are. We are the reason that kids have safe spaces, get participation trophies, and have every moment of their lives planned out and filled with things to do. We are the reason the high school kids are going to the beach on grad week with enough alcohol to put Andre the giant in a coma, but calling their parents and saying I’m bored can you come pick me up.
DingDingDensha@reddit
No. We're not. Boomer parents of Millennials started this shit long before we started having kids.
romeodread@reddit
All the Jen actions with teenagers that I know have provided all of those things for their children
geri73@reddit
Im more of a throw the kid in the pool and hope they swim kind of parent.
Kaizen321@reddit
Not I.
My boys were really clear about this a few years ago. It was a challenge at first (cus I had absent parents) but I think we’ve done good.
Helicopter parenting has been band from our house. I get called out if start going that path 😅
dstarpro@reddit
I do think that that phenomenon started with us, yes.
OnPaperImLazy@reddit
If anything, I worry about my children LESS because I can do a quick check of their location. It makes me less helicoptery.
JDRL320@reddit
This is me. When my son (17) was sharing his location with me I could do a quick check around 10:45pm to make sure he was on his way home. He isn’t great about being on time for 11pm curfew (usually 5-10 min late) or calling if he’s going to be late. Probably more of a me thing I need to work on as parent to enforce those rules but not having to worry where he is and know he’s own his way was always nice.
He’s since shut it off because he doesn’t think I trust him. It was never a rule to have it on.
lovegood123@reddit
Location sharing is helicoptering tho
OnPaperImLazy@reddit
I guess it depends on your definition of helicoptering. Here's what AI has to say:
Helicopter parenting is a style where parents are excessively involved and overprotective of their children, often hovering over their every move and interfering with their child's independent development.
I'm not excessively involved or overprotective (I let them do TONS of stuff my Silent Generation parents would not let me do - I hated how strict my parents were). I don't interfere with my adult children's lives. They are independent.
Icy-Bar-9712@reddit
I like the description of the boomer helicopter parents. You always know where they are. Hovering about, making a lot of noise.
GenX are the stealth bomber parents, you never know if we are involved until we make our presence known, then you wish we weren't.
OnPaperImLazy@reddit
Or maybe you're glad we're there to help you when you most need it. That's the general idea - it's for safety, not interference.
Icy-Bar-9712@reddit
100%, my kids know mom and I will support them 100%, but that support really won't kick in until its demonstrated that its needed. If you still have avenues available to you, you better fucking avail yourself to their use. Otherwise you're likely going to get a "sucks to be you" response from us.
They also know I refuse to override their own personal agency. Hey kiddo, this is a a mistake, you are more than welcome to discover that for yourself, but I'm telling you now so you can avoid the unpleasantness. But understand I'm not telling you you can't, I'm merely saying you shouldn't.
ilikecats415@reddit
It can be, but it doesn't have to be. My entire family shares locations. It's a courtesy and no one feels spied on. My kid is free to not share his location.
Littleduckpie@reddit
I love stalking my kid! That being said, she stalks me too so does that make her a helicopter child? This is by her choice and she is definitely an independent, productive member of society so it's not like she really needs me anyway.
violetauto@reddit
There’s no need to be call us out on a Wednesday.
But yeah, this was us.
ComfortableHat4855@reddit
I was involved but not overly involved. So yeah, I didn't stalk my kids.
Lizzyfetty@reddit
I refuse to track my teen. Its training them to be cool with being monitored 24/7. Not something I want for them.
FuggaDucker@reddit
yes
Snoozinsioux@reddit
I’m not just a helicopter parent, I’m also a helicopter child. Am I the only one that also tracks their parents? 😅
Affectionate-Map2583@reddit
After two years of living alone, and some comments worrying about it, I just shared my mother's location with my sister and I on Google Maps - no app to install or maintain, and it's only sharing one way at this point, and only when I open up google maps.
TehFuriousOne@reddit
I don't. As I see it, it's important that they have a bit of freedom to move about in the world. Mind you, my kids have never given me reason to worry about them. I might feel different otherwise.
OnPaperImLazy@reddit
Having my kids' location doesn't prevent them in any way from having freedom. Also, I don't do it because I'm worried about what THEY might do. It's the rest of the idiots and creeps in the world I'm worried about.
88questioner@reddit
Agree. We share locations so I can easily see if he’s dead in a ditch or just spending the night at his girlfriend’s house. I don’t need to text or call to see if he’ll be home.
Affectionate-Map2583@reddit
That's how I sold it to my son when he started driving and I wanted his location - so he wouldn't have to bother calling to let me know when he got there, and I'd be able to tell if he was dead in a ditch somewhere if I hadn't heard from him. I've been very careful to NOT question his whereabouts or comment on what I see too much. I turned off notifications so only know where he is if I go look for him.
He's 24 now and living at home and we still share locations. I think he has come to really like it now, just for a quick check to see where the other person is if they're not home. It's been handy to know when to make dinner ready if I'm waiting for him to come home to eat, for instance. I have never had to say "call me when you get there" like my mother still sometimes does to me (I always hated that, and have refused to do it as an adult even though she still tries). I wish I had tracking on more people, like my boss, or service providers that come to my house. I'd like to know when they're coming.
OrangeCoffee87@reddit
Exactly this.
HoudiniIsDead@reddit
My kids turn on their location, but I don't have a tracking app in the other sense. My kids can go where they want. It's not my kids I'm worried about; it's all the idiots, criminals, bad influences, etc. They have never given me reason to not trust them, but other people's kids have. Also, if they expressed concerns about sharing their location, I wouldn't ask them to.
mamamietze@reddit
Yes. If you want to see evidence of this look at any Facebook group for parents of college students. I feel so sorry for professors now. Or college staff. About 75 percent are unbelievably up their kids' butts micromanaging them, the other 25 are like wtf. It's really embarrassing.
FracturedNomad@reddit
I'm (51m) a stay at home dad to a 12 and 10 year old from the time they were born. I try not to hover since I'm around them all the time. I pretend like I don't see or hear stuff so they feel like they are getting away with things. I try and teach them life skills like cooking when it's age appropriate, sometimes earlier. School is a big deal for me. I've had them in summer school every year even though they didn't technically need it. This summer, however, I'm taking my son to the gym cause we are both out of shape and going to try to work on balance with my daughter. Treat others how you want to be treated is the big moral lessen I want them to have in the end. So, to wrap it up in a nice bow. Idk what kind of parent I am.
ArtichokeDifferent10@reddit
I know I definitely was not!
I know I dialed up the supervision a bit from what my parents did, but sheesh, from the time I was out of diapers they barely knew where I was a majority of the time.
From the time my son was old enough to be semi-responsible, I sent him to friends houses (in the neighborhood) on his own. He knew when he needed to be home (dinner time if it was before dinner or the old "when the street lights turn on", but he had two legs and a bike and didn't need to be driven just because he was going a block or two.
Yeah, I had to drive him to after school/sports events because the school was too far away for any other means of travel, but the day he got his restricted license (15) he drove himself to school and his part-time job.
I remember hearing all kinds of crazy "helicopter" stories when he was growing up, but I was trying to raise a responsible, independent member of society, so I absolutely trusted him right up to when he gave me a reason not to (which he did once in a while). Did he get "up to no good"? Sure, once in a while. Probably less than I did at his age. When he left for college, he was at least mature enough to handle life.
Far_Winner5508@reddit
I worked IT support at a small college in the ‘90s.
One day we had a parent storm into IT with an ethernet cable for their little darling. Apparently she had flown down from NYC because junior needed an ethernet cable.
As part of orientation, we let students know they could get ethernet cables at the school bookstore or at the Radio Shack 1/8th of a mile down the road from the school.
That was a helicopter parent.
There’d been a more paarentts who would call in issues for their spawn as kids were to shy to call IT, walk in, or ask for yelp when we wandered the dorms at beginning of semester, providing free tech support.
Far_Winner5508@reddit
As for parenting my kid (now 25yo), I had them start riding their bike to school in middle school, even though they could take the bus, said it was ok to stop at the local gas station to buy snacks. At 18 when they wanted to travel cross country to meet an internet friend, I prepped the car, showed them how to change tires, check fluids, etc. Being modern times, I did go and reserve hotel rooms for them. Turns out most places won’t deal with under 21 people now.
We do have phone trackers but we started it with adding wife and my phones to their phone, they knew where we were. It worked out.
Sudden_Fix_1144@reddit
Yeah…. Pretty much accused of this. I’m guessing it’s a reaction to our silent generation parents who were the exact opposite of that.
No_Cut4338@reddit
Different strokes for different folks but I do think folks with life360 type surveillance on their children are doing them a disservice.
AdGold205@reddit
I think younger GenXers were hugely influenced by the advent of the 24 hour news cycle. Every missing child in the nation was broadcast over the entire country for days or weeks. Add in the trial coverage of the kidnappers and it could be years. And even though crime statistics show that the risk of abduction is literally at its lowest point ever, we don’t FEEL that way. I was expecting my first child when Kaylee Anthony disappeared (obviously that wasn’t a stranger abduction but the news cycle was the same.)
So I am absolutely a helicopter parent. And using their phones to know where they are is something I cannot even imagine parenting these days without. Both are under 18 and live with me.
They also know my location as well. I don’t have them geofenced nor do I particularly track their movements but if they’re spending the night at a friend’s house I might double check, usually it’s because they went to a concert and I want to know when they got back safely.
My kids feel independent and adventurous because they know that their parents are there for them always.
As to life skills, my kids have bank accounts, can keep tidy (mostly), get up early for school/swim-team/odd jobs on their own, the 16yo drives, and meet academic deadlines.
Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit
Is this not the exact same post
OnPaperImLazy@reddit
it is, with the same responses
nobody gonna change nobody's mind. The "FREEDOM" people and the "it's a safety thing" people, the twain shall never meet.
Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit
I am superior because
RaRecall133331@reddit
The number of times I’ve had to help each of my children find their phone through family location sharing is nuts. We’ve had to use it to find earphones. It’s not about me stalking them or helicoptering, it’s much more about finding devices. There are times when either I’m away or they’re away that I’ve checked where everyone is. But those times are a fraction of the times I’ve helped them find their phone.
moccasins_hockey_fan@reddit
While I Gen X (born 1971) was more involved in my kids life than most of our parents, I wasn't a helicopter parent who had to track where their kids were at all times or worse....demanded their precious little angel got special attention from the teacher or coaches. My kids had to earn what they received and that is why my 2 kids (ages 21 and 24) have turned into amazing adults.
sysaphiswaits@reddit
No. I’m not anyway.
ISuckAtFallout4@reddit
Yup you are.
Ravenloff@reddit
I don't think it's a generational thing. There were helicopter parents LONG before there were helicopters.
killerwithasharpie@reddit
Sure. The obvious result of too little parenting in our childhood. We said, no kid of mine will suffer that kind of neglect.
Oops.
jvan666@reddit
A wee bit of an over correction
killerwithasharpie@reddit
Yeah.
Liquado@reddit
God no. It’s the millennials and their ‘best friend’ ‘permissive parenting’ nonsense.
scarlettohara1936@reddit (OP)
Maybe it is the millennials, I agree. But I think "best friend, permissive parenting" is the exact opposite of helicopter parents.
Western-Corner-431@reddit
You know people never take into account that Gen X were the first generation with real choice about reproduction and birth control. The kids we, and subsequent generations, have we MOSTLY had because we wanted to have kids. Previous generations had kids because of you got pregnant before 1970ish, you had little choice but to have that kid. It has made a great difference in parenting style when you choose to have the kids rather than being stuck with as many kids as you had because you couldn’t really opt out.
Icy-Bar-9712@reddit
Its the difference between the boomers in their attack helicopters mowing down problems and the the milenials in their scenic tour copiers ferrying their kids across them.
Its presence that makes a helicopter parent a helicopter parent.
GenX are the stealth bombers, you never know if we are involved until we make ourselves known. Then we tend to be involved disproportionately to the situation. Then, we quietly remove ourselves from the situation.
Full_Mission7183@reddit
Actually, it was the millenial parents who gave a shit about them that were the first helicopter parents. (Source: Google)
They now inhabit all generations.
ONROSREPUS@reddit
Love to hear this but it might piss off a few people.
Distinct_Dark_9626@reddit
Why do you have to shit on other generations just to make a point about your own?
Powerful_Ad_2506@reddit
I told my kids I’m not their friend. I’m their parent. My job is to say no to things your friends would say yes to.
I want them to be able to come to me for help, advice or to listen, but I also wanted them to build a core group that could support them via shared experiences. I think we’ve done a good job there.
Curiousone_78@reddit
Gen X and Millienials raising a bunch of incompetent adult babies addicted to cell phones.
1singhnee@reddit
I’m not a helicopter parent, but it’s nice to be able to call my kid if something’s going on.
If they wanna take the bus downtown alone, and I have to run off to some emergency thing, I can tell them. Seems reasonable.
We have iPhones, the tracking is built in and helps us to find our phones when we lose them. This is not a terrible thing.
wokehouseplant@reddit
It’s the younger gen X, but mostly the millennials.
BIGepidural@reddit
1978 model here, had my 1st at 22 and yes, our generation are the helicopter parents- the term was created when we were the ones having kids, and I've seen it in the parents of my kids peers since they were just starting to have friendships as little ones.
We also invented "play dates" (I shit you not). Making arrangements with other parents for children to play together at scheduled times and dates and asking which parent will be present, if they'll be there the whole time, getting instructions from parents as to what to feed or not feed children, rules about TV times and programs and or video games and online activities.
Yeah, that ⬆️ was us doing that ⬆️ so it's hilarious to hear people up in here complaining about it when it was literally our cohort who started that BS 😂
Parties are another wierd thing our cohort did... whether its birthday parties, graduation parties, Halloween parties, summer parties or fire work/holiday parties- parties became a kids section and an adults section because parties just for kids were no longer a thing. It was so weird and so much in demand that some kids weren't allowed to go to parties (by their own parents refusal) if the parents weren't allowed to hang out at the house too, or if you didn't go with your kid to hang out with the other parents your kid couldn't go to the party at all (by rule of the parent throwing the party allegedly for children). How fucked up is that? Kids can't have their own friends and events without adults having to be all friendly together and on the same premises 🙄
Clubs and extracurriculars were another thing parents pressed themselves into frequently. Like I've seen parents bringing their kids who aren't in the activity to the activity and make them do homework out in public while watching their other kids practice karate, swimming, gymnastics, or attend scout meetings and stuff. Parents who aren't there are often gossiped about, shamed or their kids coddled and handled by other peoples parents- its just wild what you can see if you're ever running late or arrive early to taking kids to stuff or get trapped into a convo while trying to leave with people who just won't shut up.
Like yeah, we were neglected and we were determined to do better for our kids; but a lot of us over compensated and became micromanaging control freaks which is why "kids today" don't know how to do anything on their own because we did everything for them because we were always by their side!
GenX invented helicopter parenting.
Adult children who lack inovation and resilience don't have it because they never learned it because they weren't allowed to because they were never given the space and opportunity to do so.
Its fucked up.
oceansblue1984@reddit
I was a helicopter parent. Given my childhood I was sure I knew what went on at other peoples homes. And so I kept my children close at hand . My oldest son and daughter have anxiety issues to the point of at times being disabling. My youngest son is pretty normal in the sense of what is seen as normal but I think by that time I eased up a little bit. But I didn’t let them go on field trips or anything . They are all adults now and working . Youngest is married .
deathofadildo@reddit
Yep, our generation is the helicopter parents. There is another thread blaming our parents for not doing enough so it's just typical that our parenting style is over the top compared to our parents.
CreatrixAnima@reddit
I don’t have kids, but this could be a generational over correction.
Inside_Ad_7162@reddit
I'm a warner brother parent
Known_Noise@reddit
My oldest shared her location last year because her job gets out so late (like 12-1am) and I’m not gonna stay up late to wait for her to get home. This way I get a notification in case I wake up worried or wondering if she made it home.
Pinkbeans1@reddit
Husband’s retired law enforcement. One of his first major cases was a serial rapist whose flavor was mixed Asian/white girls. Husband is Korean and white.
Our kids weren’t allowed outside alone ever. Right around Covid, the suspect was DNA matched to someone serving life in prison. This took about 15 years.
Our girls didn’t know what to do with their new found freedom. They could suddenly be gone for hours, just check in every hour or so.
They were aware of the reason, age appropriately, but it still chafed. My husband was SO happy and relieved. His hard work finally paid off.
Gloomy-Act-915@reddit
Our generation did really kind of fuck up the next generation (millennial and Gen Z) I assume parents thay are Gens X wanted to do the complete opposite of of what our parents did. Which is funny because now we wear the shot we did and went through ad a badge of honor.
Moonstruck1766@reddit
Well any parenting at all would be a step up compared to the way some of us were raised. The only guidance I ever received was “don’t get pregnant before you get married”.
CyndiIsOnReddit@reddit
I was very involved in guiding my children as they grew, yes. I think "helicopter parent" is different from that in that it's an unhealthy amount of oversight, but I don't think knowing where your 10 year old is would be considered hovering or overprotecting.
I know a lot of GenXers like to brag about how their parents didn't know where they were most of the time and they did just fine.
We didn't ALL do just fine. I wish my mom had kept a better eye on me now that I'm an adult. She wanted to be the fun mom and I suffered for it and so did my brother. Things happened to me that would not have happened if the adults in my life had known where I was going and what I was doing.
Noodnix@reddit
I believe Gen Z are a more cautious generation. I am the parent of two adult Gen Z. I worked hard to make them independent in their pre-teen years. Encouraging them to walk or bike around town, rather than being driven. Giving them a few bucks to go to the ice cream shop. At the same time, my kids friends parents (helicopter parents) refused to let their kids do the same, driving their kids all over town.
WideRight43@reddit
Yes. You guys are still having birthday parties for your 27 year old children that live at home. It’s weird.
doubleohzerooo0@reddit
I'm sorry, what?
I'm working on my 5th kid here. He's 17. I absolutely do NOT monitor him with tracking apps.
I don't check what he's doing online.
Youngest is a great kid. His friends are all great kids. Very responsible for their age. They tend to self-regulate as a group. They use peer pressure to make sure others in the group are acting right. The group does use a tracking app to check where individuals in the group are, but that's their thing.
I ask where he's going and where he expects to be back. I trust him.
scarlettohara1936@reddit (OP)
My son was the exact same way. Not only that, but we were very close. If he wanted to take a day off school to go out to the lake with his friends, he told me. His grades were good, he missed maybe three days of school a year, so he knew it wouldn't be a problem and didn't sneak around because he knew he could just tell me.
We always had a system in place where he would text us to tell us that he needed to come home from a situation where he was uncomfortable in so that we would call him and yell at him about not being allowed to be out because he didn't clean his room or something, thus giving him an excuse to go home right away. He did that a few times, so I knew if he was in a bad situation, he would ask for help.
doubleohzerooo0@reddit
My older kids were straight-up feral!
Sneaky little shits. Could trust them as far as I could throw them.
Interested in fast cars and fast times.
The youngest ones, not so much. They like to game. They like to study. Zero interest in cars.
Infamous_Towel_5251@reddit
Some of us might be.
I was not a helicopter parent. My mom died when I was 21. I decided I wanted to raise independent people able to navigate the world with minimal assistance.
texorcist@reddit
I’m a stealth-fighter parent. I know what’s going on but let the child fail and learn. https://www.aasa.org/resources/resource/meet-mr-and-mrs-gen-x-a-new-parent-generation
Icy-Bar-9712@reddit
I read that article a couple weeks ago and man did it resonate.
I loved, loved, the In God we trust, all others bring data.
So fucking true
RemindsMeThatTragedy@reddit
We were the worst parents.
lacontrolfreak@reddit
I’ve heard the term snow plow parent in recent years. That’s a parent that pushes away all hardships and obstacles, laying out the road before their child charts a path of their own.
Icy-Bar-9712@reddit
I read an article from a Superintendent of a school system to the national assembly of school Superintendents.
The boomers were the helicopter parents, always there, hovering, making a lot of noise.
Gen X were described as the stealth bomber parents, you never knew what our level of involvement was until we made our presence known, and then you reeealy knew we were engaged.
My favorite line from that letter was summarized as regards to Gen X parents, their attitude is one of in God we trust, all others bring data.
But the stealth bomber description is really accurate. My wife and I coach our kids in how to attack and deal with issues and then send them forth. At the point where they cannot complete the mission, we get involved. And then there isn't a problem anymore. Doesn't happen often as they are fantastic at dealing with things now. But super fun when we get called in.
Turkn8r@reddit
Not a parent but I perceive that our generation had the pendulum swing phenomenon. From our parents hands-off-get-outside-come-back-before-dark method to a more hands-on one that I saw my sibling implement.
wallix@reddit
Oh god. Not us. My kids pretty much live a carbon copy of my youth, just with a lot less danger. 😂 most of our friends think we’re nuts, though. They’re probably right.
AuroraDF@reddit
I am 52 and have been teaching fir 25 years. There have been helicopter parents throughout my career. But since about 2018, I would say, it's so widespread that there are only a few who aren't. And it's getting worse every year. I teach young kids (age 3-7) and most of their parents are in their early 30s. So it is the millenials who are doing the helicoptering. The gen x parents of 10-20 years ago were much less likely to be that way, in my experience.
West-Cabinet-2169@reddit
My brother tracks his kids. I saw him use it for the first time at Xmas - they live in another country.
A far cry from the 1980s - my Mum putting me on an interstate bus/coach and zooming 15 hours north to see my Dad at the age of 11. I remember my Mum laughing as the lady who booked my ticket was tutting over my young age travelling such a distance; my Mum replied he's done it twice before. Would one do that now?
z44212@reddit
It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your children are?
Why yes. Yes I do.
skinisblackmetallic@reddit
My sister & her husband are a bit helicopter, I'm afraid. Nephews seem ok though.
Use_this_1@reddit
I think many became the parents we wished we'd had, or we thought we wished we'd had. A lot of us swung too far the other direction and became helicopter parents. My kids are in their mid 20's and didn't get smart phones Jr high and tracking apps until high school
Sad_Apple_3387@reddit
I do not relate to being a helicopter parent. I like the other parent am shocked and dismayed by the tracking devices. I don’t care what your excuses are for doing it, it’s against my ideals of autonomy, responsibility, and freedom. I have kids in two different generations (z and alpha) and though I have become a better parent over the years and much calmer and understanding of my alpha gen kid, I was never controlling.
Necessary_Cat4418@reddit
I'm not. 53 years old with teenagers
EvenSkanksSayThanks@reddit
i know that i am and i don’t care. i love my child and its a dangerous world out there
Ok-Rock2345@reddit
My ex is a fully armed apache helicopter, I'm more of come home when the sun comes down kind of guy.
I guess that's why we are no longer married and why my kids love to come over my place. The way I see it, being a latchkey kid made me a better person, I would not deny my kids that opportunity.
discussatron@reddit
I was pretty protective of my first, and pretty relaxed with my second. Both turned out good.
Kid_supreme@reddit
Not I
cincy15@reddit
I mean it makes sense that we were left to grow up alone (for good and bad) and then over corrected to become helicopter parents.
Meowie_Undertoe@reddit
Guilty as charged to a degree - My kids have autonomy, but I'll always be a safe place for them to land.
In my defense, I did it mainly to secure their safety. My parents DGAF about me and my siblings. So, that was a driving force in ensuring my kids' safety and success.
My son is an architect, and my daughter is studying to be a nurse. I'm satisfied with my parenting!
RetroBerner@reddit
Not me, nor my wife. We'd let him run around and do whatever, but keep an eye on him from a distance. I never intervened unless there was a problem.
anothercynic2112@reddit
In 30 years when my son writes his book about the different ways I was a horrible parent then I'll know if I was too involved or not.
Until then, I live in 2025 at the moment (right?..RIGHT? Please tell me I'm right..) so I'll use 2025s tools. If I can find my phone when it's lost, not sure why I wouldn't want to find my son.
If we get transported back to 1983, then apply 1983 norms and tell him to be home when the street lights come on.
But most importantly....do what you think is right..
Or whatever
scarlettohara1936@reddit (OP)
LOL! Well put! My husband and I joked throughout my son's upbringing "welp, we've just contributed again to his future therapy bills!"
Independent-Egg-9760@reddit
As a latchkey kid, I felt I wasted a lot of my childhood in front of the TV and the Amiga.
Got kind of fat and unhealthy, and feel I missed out on good memories from participating in real life games. All I got was the "meh" memories of Lemmings and Sim City.
Happy for my kids to play videogames, but also want them to have structured activities too.
crypto_phantom@reddit
I had zero supervision from my parents, i did not let my kids out of my sight, so yes in my case.
GTA4EVER1069@reddit
My 47 yr old wife is on Life360, but only cuz the kids want to know where she is 25/8, I, on the other hand, have evaded all attempt to join the Life360 monitoring program
FrozenH2oh@reddit
I commented in that thread. My kids are college aged and I can see their location on iPhone. I don’t check up on them normally. Sometimes I use it if I want to call and check that they are not in class or at work.
It was extremely useful on Sunday when there was a violent attack at a location where they hang out. I was able to immediately check they were not there.
I never abuse the privilege and they don’t mind. We’ve talked about it.
Subject-Stuff-2829@reddit
We are helicopter parents. The whole reason people dog on millennials and gen Z is because we collectively failed miserably. I mean it's because we over reacted to our boomer parents shitty parenting but still. We did put kids a huge disservice. I rather like being gen X, but we're gonna pay for this for a long time. Whatever. Peace!!
Meowie_Undertoe@reddit
Guilty as charged!
sterling3274@reddit
I tried not to be and honestly, I think it hurt my kids. Sure, they can pay their rent and have life skills enabling them to survive in the real world, but they are behind in what we typically consider success in society. I didn't run my kids everywhere for extra curricular activities so my kids never really got in to sports or other activities. I didn't pay for college so my kids have been working and learning how to live, but none of them have a four year degree because they didn't want to go in to forever debt.
Friends who did everything for their kids and micromanaged their schedules have in most cases more "successful" kids. They went to college, got jobs that paid well (for the most part) and are by most metrics more successful than mine. I love that my kids don't need to call me to figure out how to do the most mundane tasks, and I'm not still paying for their cell phones and all that, but part of me wishes I had helped more. They are definitely behind those kids whose parents held, and continue to hold their hands for everything.
Figran_D@reddit
I think the location services actually work to get kids off their phones.
I have heard of kids leaving their phones at a house they all said they would be at and then heading out somewhere completely different. Mom and Dad go to check and voila … phone says they are there.
stevemm70@reddit
Our daughter is 23 and our son is nearly 21. When the kids were younger and doing a ton of carpools for activities, it was very helpful to have them on Life360 to know that they caught their ride or whatever. Once they were driving, our main concern was knowing they got where they were going, and being able to find them if they were in an accident. Our daughter took herself off when she was in college. Our son is still in college and doesn't really care that he's still on it. If he tells us he doesn't want to be tracked, he can take himself off. For the record, my wife and I are both tracked on the app too.
As a side note, our son and a high school girlfriend tracked EACH OTHER via Life360. I found that very odd, but the relationship ended when he went off to college.
To answer the original question ... yes, we probably were helicopter parents for the reasons I laid out above, particularly when compared to our parents having zero idea where we were most of the time.
HonoluluLongBeach@reddit
I never used location monitoring and my daughter walked home from high school every day but when she was younger I definitely hovered.
Agreeable_Initial667@reddit
One of my best friends is a total helicopter parent. It werids me out, told him so. Because we had parents that literally kicked us out of the house every day and told us to 'go find something to do', didn't give a shit what we were up to or where we were and had to be reminded by the local 10pm news to look for your kids. Also, if you get arrested, they're not going to come and save you. Own your own buddy. This was in the 80s when we had higher crime, parental advisory stickers on everything and the friggin Night Stalker. Parents = zero fcks given. Get out of the house and don't come back until dinner time.
I don't get why this/my generation turned into complete whackjobs with their kids. It's kind of fascinating.
I_AM_ME-7@reddit
I have 3 kids never monitored any of them I raised them to do the right thing if they don’t that’s on them.
GArockcrawler@reddit
When my kids were under 18, I did have find my friend enabled on their phones, but I didn't actively check it unless I needed to. It did pay off.
One morning when my son was a senior and my daughter was a freshman. I hopped in the shower after they had left for school. I saw a bunch of rapidly repeated missed calls from my son when I got out of the shower. I called back - no answer. I used find my friends to see that they were at an intersection near the house and they should have been through a few minutes after they left the house. My husband and I hopped in our car to head there - as we did, we heard sirens in the distance heading our direction. Sure enough they had been in an accident. My daughter had been knocked unconscious; my son was emotionally and physically banged up. They are both ok now that we all aged a lot that day.
Once they turned 18, I gave them the choice to opt-in. My daughter and I are still location sharing; my son and I aren't.
anothercynic2112@reddit
That seems the right way to go. If you didn't abuse it and harass them over their location, they probably wouldn't care if you know.
OldBanjoFrog@reddit
I am the laid back parent. My millennial wife is a helicopter
thursmalls@reddit
Yeah, there are a LOT of gen X helicopters hovering over their kids.
But you don't do it with an app, you do it by being there in person at every opportunity- real or forced and by not letting your kids ever do anything without you.
EdAddict@reddit
I was not a helicopter parent. Of course, I had my boy in the early 90s when I was 20, so no tech to keep tabs. I pretty much let him roam the neighborhood at 13 with his friends and just asked him to keep his Nokia charged so I could get in touch if needed.
Sufficient_Stop8381@reddit
Some of us, yes, unfortunately. Many of my peers are definitely helicopter and bulldozer parents who wonder why their kids cling to the figurative parental teat in their twenties and can’t change a tire. This includes x, mills, and some late boomers. I guess we try to make up for the benign (or actual) neglect we faced. Plus, unlike our parents, societal scrutiny of parents is much stricter now and letting kids run free is not an option, unless you want to get charged, nowadays. Teens and young adults are different, of course. I think many go too far with the helicoptering.
My kid is grown now. I gave him as much freedom as I could as a kid and teen. No I did not use a nanny tracker app and never will. Not for myself, nor on him. I refuse. Even amongst adult family members, I say nope to joining family tracker apps. I personally strongly dislike tracker apps because they feed on parents irrational fears and actually do very little, if anything, to actually protect anyone. If they’re really in immediate danger that app showing their phone’s location isn’t going to save them.
growflet@reddit
We started seeing stranger danger, I remember a whole lot of that since I'm later end of gen x.
The millennials were raised in an era where every stranger that looked at you as a kid was going to kidnap you and sell you into slavery or worse. So they naturally want to monitor the heck out of their kids.
Repeat that again for the next generation, and now we have a world where kids are attached to their parents with a leash, and cops that will called to your house if your 14 year old is home alone for an hour.
It's mind boggling to me that I biked home 6 miles to and from school every day, and was home alone until like 7pm with free access to do whatever I wanted - and my parents didn't give a crap. It would have been an inconvenince if they would have had to be there for me.
OnPaperImLazy@reddit
My residential neighborhood is pretty safe and cozy, and we are bordered by retail areas. There is a feeder street into our neighborhood - not a major thoroughfare, but not a neighborhood street. More like a back road, no lights, and pretty light traffic. A lady in our neighborhood Facebook group (always a source for great entertainment) saw what she said looked like a 12 year old riding his bike on this feeder street, holding a Big Gulp, presumably purchased at the 7-11 less than a quarter mile from our neighborhood. She floated the idea that she thought she should call CPS for neglect.
The neighborhood in general pounced on her for the absolute ridiculousness of that. Years later, it's still an inside joke on the Facebook group. Someone will randomly mention riding a bike with a Big Gulp and everyone lols.
OfficiousJ@reddit
My kids are 23 and 17. I have never monitored their whereabouts by tracking them.
How do we expect kids to grow into adults if we are always there to save them before any possible bad decisions are made?
Instead my husband and I have an open door policy where things can be discussed without fear of repercussions
lovegood123@reddit
Yes! For as much as Gen x brags about our lord of the flies childhoods we are the first Gen to helicopter. Probably bc under the bravado a lot were actually neglected and abused and don’t want the same for our kids.
Taodragons@reddit
50/50 I was of the "free range" philosophy, but my wife was more like "Airwolf parent"
They turned out okay I think.....better than I did and isn't that the goal? lol
robot_pirate@reddit
Our rule is - as long as they are on our phone plan, car & health insurance, we're using a tracker. When they graduate to self-sustainablility, then they can drop the parental oversight. We don't police it, but we know the gist.
ONROSREPUS@reddit
That would, for our generation, drive us to grow up quick!
robot_pirate@reddit
Oh yeah. I was done by 21. Bills suucked. 3 jobs.
ONROSREPUS@reddit
but nobody watching over you.
robot_pirate@reddit
Times change. Norms change. It may well not be rational, who can say fir sure? We don't know how it would have gone back then if the tech existed. That said, I had a fairly traumatic, neglectful childhood & I'm sure that informs some of my thinking on the subject.
rumblesnort@reddit
I think compared to our parents we look like that, I'm not entirely sure if we compared ourselves to millenial parents we would be as much. I didn't use those apps for mine when they were kids (college aged now). One of the reasons it is seemed like they leave the house a lot less, don't care about driver's licenses, better at checking in than us, etc.
AgHammer@reddit
Some of us are.
Kcatlady@reddit
I have two adult daughters (32 and 24) and they share their locations with me and I with them. I have never been a helicopter parent with either of them. We live in a big city and the sharing of locations is more about safety for all of us.
VA1255BB@reddit
Yes, guilty. Would do that differently in hindsight.
badgko@reddit
My wife and I never used it except when requested by our daughter after she was recently divorced and started dating. She said she felt better knowing that we knew where she was at when she was out by herself and just re-entering the dating scene. But that was only at her request. Once she was back into a stable relationship we stopped.
No_Maize_230@reddit
We over protect in the real world and vastly under protect in the virtual world.
Sallydog24@reddit
54 and son is now 22
my wife and I were like 60/40 helicopter parents
Trick-Mechanic8986@reddit
I pulled out. So, no.
baldmisery17@reddit
Not my husband and I. Rub some dirt on it.
Although we got a monitoring app when our daughter, who was going to comm college and still at home, went out with her boyfriend. She had no idea where they were, and he got a little drunk, and they were on a houseboat on a lake. She's texting til 3am and hubby was crazy.
That was 2014 and she and the boyfriend are still together. She gets on it when they go out of town.
No_Breadfruit_7305@reddit
I would say it's a little bit different for our family. Yes we have trackers My daughter and I. I don't monitor necessarily where she goes I just look at it if there's a problem and she has monitoring on mine for the same reason. I work a very unusual job and that I go underground quite a bit and so there's a very real chance that I might get stuck down there. So hopefully somebody might come looking for me if I don't show up when I'm supposed to. That's how I explained it to her, that I'm not going to monitor where you go unless you say that you're going to be somewhere at a certain time and you don't show up then if there's a problem I can look to see what her last steps were. It works for us and it built a trust between us.
Consistent-Ad7428@reddit
No location tracking, just "I'll put a foot in your a$$ if you screw up."
Got one now 23 out if college and working and another 21 and still in school.
Overall, pretty good and responsible kids.
Got_Bent@reddit
If the cops call and say your in jail, youre staying there. Or if I call saying that im under arrest in jail, Im staying there. You got yourself into that trouble, you can get out of it. None of us ever called home being in trouble. Waste of the one call.
Mugwumps_has_spoken@reddit
It's funny, that's how my brothers and I were raised, but in some way we all knew our parents wouldn't actually follow through, but the threat, or idea was enough. At least for me.
Sixguns1977@reddit
That's how I learned. But I knew my parents WOULD(and did a couple of times). However, I was a slow learner/dumbass and kept screwing up.
MaximumJones@reddit
Lateapexer@reddit
I don’t have kids. My sisters and friends have kids. Some of those kids have leashes. Some of those kids would be microchipped like pets if their parents could
But. I have a millennial brother who is 16 years younger than me. I would get nervous every time he stepped off a curb to cross a street. So I kinda get it
Got_Bent@reddit
No, not in my family at least. My parents werent and all of us kids arent. So I dont think so?
ChitownAnarchist@reddit
Same. But my son's mother was all about "You have to watch him, every minute of the day."
Now, he is 27, living on his own and more feral than I was at 13. All because there isn't someone there to tell him "Don't do that. Don't go there. Don't, No, Stop...".
ThisCarSmellsFunny@reddit
Millennials are easily the most massive group of helicopter parents.
Special_Slide_2257@reddit
I’m in NYC, I use it since they’ve given me a reason to use it. They can see my location too.
IllTakeACupOfTea@reddit
Our kids friends have it and complain about it.
We have an apple family account so technically can see our young adult kids (as they are still on our account) but we don't check it. They are annoyed by my "where are you?" texts and remind me of this constantly. We also never logged in to the local school district's online grade monitoring system. It started when my youngest was in middle school and we handed them the passwords and logins. We also don't know how to check their university grades. I'm not raising children, I'm raising adults.
(Also, I am NOT their friend, I am their mom. You get a lot of friends, you only get one mom...)
Big-Feeling-1285@reddit
I basically raised my son as an xer
Specialist_District1@reddit
No, I thought about it but figured they’d object so I never brought it up. They don’t seem to leave their rooms much anyway, except for work or school. It would be like tracking the world’s boringest people