So here’s something I probably shouldn’t admit worked way too well.

You know those subscriptions that make it borderline impossible to cancel? Like Adobe’s annual plan (with that lovely early cancellation fee) or XM Radio, where you have to sit through 15 minutes of “But what if we offer you 6 months free?” while slowly losing your will to live?

Yeah. I was stuck trying to cancel one of these and just hit a wall of "are you sure you want to cancel?" nonsense.

So I panicked and said it wasn’t my account. I told them it was my spouse’s, and they had… recently passed away.

Instant silence. No offers. No guilt-tripping. No “what can we do to keep your business?” Just an “I’m so sorry for your loss” and the sound of immediate cancellation.

I’ve used it three times now. Adobe, XM, and some weird wine club I forgot I joined during lockdown. Works every time. Zero follow-up.

Is it dark? Extremely. Do I feel a little bit like a monster? Sure.

But my ghost spouse has saved me hundreds of dollars and hours of hold music.

TL;DR: Tired of sales pitch hell when canceling subscriptions? Say the account belonged to your dead spouse. Nobody argues with death. They just cancel and let you go.