since a ton of people “loved” the eggs i posted the other day (thanks for all of the engagement!!), i’d like to show off my other beloved accidental biohazard.

introducing: SOY SAUCE CORDYCEGGPS.

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instead of writing out the recipe, i decided to do an FAQ! this post would last longer than your visceral disgust if i included both, and i find the horrified confusion entertaining.

Q: “What is wrong with you?!” A: too much to explain, go with whatever headcanon is the funniest

Q: “How did this even happen?!” A: i hate mornings —> my roommate and i found cheap eggs around town —> my ADHD med works best when i chase them with protein —> i gave up on social acceptability and just started throwing shit in a bowl —> experimentation led to success!

from a scientific standpoint, the salt in the soy sauce modifies the pH of the egg, which falls approximately in the neutral to alkaline range on average. the positively and negatively charged NaCl ions alter the way the eggy amino acids form hydrogen bonds due to the altered hydration states of the the amino acids and their abilities to form hydrogen bonds, neutralizing the charged portions of the proteins. when heated beyond coagulation temperatures, these proteins undergo denaturation, meaning that the strands are broken apart. thanks to that, modified charges in the molecules, denaturation, and alterations in pH, the amino acid chains can no longer bond as tightly nor repel each other as strongly as they used to. these denatured proteins bond faster during the cooking process, before they’ve gotten the chance to stabilize their forms and un-ball themselves. this draws the proteins farther away from each other, producing a tender, bubblier texture. (i hope this makes sense! please correct me if i got anything wrong.)

Q: “Don’t microwaved eggs stink?!” A: i’ve never had that problem. if they did, i’d close the home lab and change course without hesitation.

in my roommate’s words, “yeah, microwaved eggs normally stink, so the fact that yours don’t makes them even more disturbing!”

Q: “Are you too lazy to use a stove?!” A: nope! i use proper cookware for everything else; i’m not THAT much of a heathen. i just enjoy the taste and texture of my creations as they are— if it ain’t broke, i ain’t gonna fix it. also, ~95% of the time, the leaden insomniac slug that is Morning Me isn’t interested in cleaning a pan. you call it laziness, i call it functionality!