my roommate dared me to post my eggs

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

i aim to please! (not with this dish!)

[-]

thepioushedonist@reddit

No judgement here. I've made many a microwave "omelette" in my life. Experimenting is key, and it ain't always pretty. But it's almost always tasty. Most importantly, gets the job done.

[-]

trouserschnauzer@reddit

Thank you for posting the recipe so that I don't accidentally make this.

[-]

ph0artef1@reddit

This one was a very reluctant upvote for sure 😂

[-]

Dry_Software_1824@reddit

Absolutely nailed it. Abysmally inedible

[-]

Breaking-Who@reddit

This some shit you’d see in a resident evil fridge

[-]

MeetFried@reddit

Hahahaha how did you... Figure this out? Like... How does one even start microwaving eggs? And then throwing things on it hahaha

[-]

mornings are my enemy + roommate and i found mercifully cheap eggs at a smaller grocery store and a Japanese market + our pans, which are VERY annoying to clean, kept getting buried in the sink abyss + i figured out that my ADHD med works better if chase it with protein + i gave up on social acceptability and just started groggily throwing shit in a bowl + experimentation led to success!

[-]

SeaManaenamah@reddit

We have different ideas about success

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

different yolks for different folks

[-]

Peepeepoopoocacasire@reddit

Omg LOL!

[-]

High_InTheTrees@reddit

😂

[-]

thecrusher112@reddit

Interesting about the meds. I just started 2 months ago and really experimenting to try and get it right. It’s hard man. What are you taking if you don’t mind me asking.

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

i don’t mind at all! i’m on 50mg Vyvanse. i take it on an empty stomach, prepare the nuclear waste pictured above, pair it with a carb, and reanimate for the day. not sure if there’s any research to back the efficacy of this routine, but it helps the meds kick in faster and gives me more energy throughout the day.

good luck with your own journey; i know how tough it can be! ♥️

[-]

thecrusher112@reddit

Thank you so much for the response. I’m on dexamphetamine 20mg a day now, but I’m still figuring out what the right dose is. Also struggling with having to skip a day so the anxiety doesn’t eat me.

Thank you, I’ll figure it out but it might be a while is all.

Also functional food is peak food

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

no problem, brothers in arms gotta help each other out (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ function over fashion!

also, are you able to see your provider soon? i’ve found that 40mg propranolol (a very common beta blocker) as needed helps to take the edge off of the physical anxiety, and there are a ton of other options out there. if you’re more of a natural remedies person, i’d recommend a small dose of a kava tincture. sorry if this is overboard!! i’ve gone through the TRENCHES with anxiety myself.

[-]

thecrusher112@reddit

This is a fantastic suggestion, thank you! I’m meeting with them again in 4 months but can reach out if I need to. Thank you again!!

[-]

sparklydildos@reddit

this is so real

[-]

doodman76@reddit

Minus the adhd meds, that is much the same logic to me cutting up hot dogs and mixing them into chili dog sauce. Screw getting multiple things dirty, just shove it all into a bowl, nuke it, and add cheese.

Then go eat in your parent's basement with the lights off while you cry and think about the terrible choices you made in life to lead you to this.

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

may your hot dogs be succulent, may your chili dog sauce be rich, may your cheese be melty

[-]

2Salmon4U@reddit

I started doing meal prep in the form of egg muffins. It really doesn’t take that long, and I’ll make a batch of 24 and freeze it.

Couple of muffins 30 seconds in the microwave is the fastest breakfast in the west!

[-]

MeetFried@reddit

Hahahahahah necessity, the mother of invention.

gif

[-]

rotath@reddit

Please don't encourage this behavior

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

you understand! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

[-]

TheCommissarGeneral@reddit

ADHD

Oh god, I know exactly how you feel. Solidarity with this monstrous mental issue. The struggle is daily.

[-]

TattooedPink@reddit

You should see the Vegemite eggs my kids Nana would make them lol 🤮 they loved them though

[-]

kirbleknee@reddit

I immediately thought of the RE7 dinner table.

[-]

Sequoia_Vin@reddit

This was definitely in the Baker's family fridge

[-]

Coffee-cat-miaou@reddit

I thought it was cat food...

[-]

One-Subject-1173@reddit

We are still waiting for you to post them.

[-]

Glittering-Rate9386@reddit

OP puts a full recipe like the rest of us would wanna follow suit 😃 but honestly wtaf

[-]

TennisPleasant4304@reddit

Sometimes it astounds me what some people consider edible food. Anyways, Bone Apple Tea.

[-]

JollyReading8565@reddit

I bet it tastes ok lol

[-]

InvisibleNeon@reddit

‘Bone Apple Tea’ AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH 👌🏼🤣🤣🤣

[-]

Oodnup@reddit

Okay wait. The only thing that went wrong is the microwave. I swear just use the microwave to reheat, never to cook😭

[-]

ZoeyAddiction@reddit

What is this?

[-]

will2learn64@reddit

Microwave?!?!?!

[-]

THIKDIKWHITEY@reddit

Those aren't eggs. It's definitely a prank

[-]

reticent_nightingale@reddit

Ngl thought this was a post from r/moldlyinteresting

[-]

PlanarScalar@reddit

I like my eggs to look the same from beginning to end.

[-]

_Strawberry_Bat@reddit

I 100% agree with your roommate. This is atrocious. I’m so curious though too

[-]

Plenty-Agent5877@reddit

it looks like your own eggs..

[-]

SunnyDaysAhead246@reddit

gif

[-]

CupcakeInner@reddit

Absolutely abysmal 👌🏽

[-]

santeauno@reddit

Do you shop at evil cvs

[-]

foodfarmforage@reddit

Fuck you

[-]

Think-Cockroach1598@reddit

If he jumped off a bridge, would you ? I put 3 eggs, milk, and a slab of butter in a cold pan and start moving it around while it heats up on medium high. Once it starts to form, you keep moving it around and remove from the heat periodically. Eventually, you're left with some fluffy ass egg clouds that everyone enjoys, even children. Although I wouldn't add butter to the kids eggs.

[-]

Think-Cockroach1598@reddit

If he jumped off a bridge, would you ? I put 3 eggs, milk, and a slab of butter in a cold pan and start moving it around while it heats up on medium high. Once it starts to form, you keep moving it around and remove from the heat periodically. Eventually, you're left with some fluffy ass egg clouds that everyone enjoys, even children. Although I wouldn't add butter to the kids eggs.

[-]

freetrialcanceler@reddit

doing that to eggs as expensive as eggs are these days is certainly a choice

[-]

CalTheRascal@reddit

Those were eggs

[-]

Conan-smash@reddit

That looks revolting. I love it.

[-]

Martha90815@reddit

Thats horrifying!

[-]

DROOPY1824@reddit

Who are you and why are you eating the shit I took this morning?

[-]

kingthunderflash@reddit

Did you shit in a bowl

[-]

soffbois@reddit

Even if this tasted okay, I wouldn't eat it. By sight alone I'm completely turned off from ever trying this, and I'm not that hard to please. Absolutely terrible OP, congratulations!

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

i’m taking my bows and reveling in my flowers! and don’t worry, i wouldn’t dream of serving this to another human being unless i wanted them to suffer

[-]

greymatter313@reddit

but why on earth do they camouflage? olive drab eggs?

[-]

good-evening-clarice@reddit

Are the eggs in the room with us, OP?

[-]

ADDicT10N@reddit

What a horrible day to have eyes.

I feel sorry for your roommate honestly.

[-]

PlasticProblem143@reddit

Looks horrible but I'd eat that no bother, bet it tastes great

[-]

Budget_Elevator_6249@reddit

It looks like something my sister would have sat in a cup in her room for 3 months

[-]

LemonStrain@reddit

Are those 8 days old

[-]

520nmlakeblue@reddit

I saw something that looked like this in the toilet of an abandoned building I was urbexing

[-]

dsizzle1114@reddit

Are those eggs directly from your uterus?

[-]

reverse_card@reddit

bro i thought i was on r neckbeardnests or something and someone posted their room's bowl of moldy food 😭😭

[-]

ConstantShock8643@reddit

We want a picture from before you shit em out

[-]

veggiecuntt@reddit

Which creature's eggs are those!? Krogan!?

[-]

GottaGhostie@reddit

Were it merely a kind of a paste, it would not be a problem. I think the problem is the cracks in the surface, from a visual perspective.

[-]

Ok-Blueberry-6077@reddit

"They do anything for clout"-Offset 😂

[-]

_chelsms@reddit

Grey eggs just mean they’re overcooked, I believe. But looks terrible nonetheless!

[-]

yoseensean@reddit

Fallout food

[-]

StatisticianNo6589@reddit

wasteland omelette

[-]

white-jose@reddit

dawg what the fuck (respectfully)

[-]

ch0kez3ro@reddit

*My roommate dared me to post my mold

[-]

BrDevelopments@reddit

Good god

[-]

Naive-Challenge6847@reddit

Where are the eggs ?

[-]

eyey-666@reddit

You put the biohazard in resident evil biohazard

[-]

spellbookwanda@reddit

Why are they covered with a wet, brown paper bag?

[-]

SpeedBlitzX@reddit

I feel like microwaving it on 3 mins is longer than just cooking the eggs on a pan.

[-]

hobsrulz@reddit

Yeah microwaving eggs is psychotic behavior especially if you live with someone else. Dude you know that reeks

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

thankfully, it doesn’t produce any weird smells! the final product looks diseased, but the ingredients themselves don’t stink when they’re cooked.

[-]

hobsrulz@reddit

Are you sure? Eggs stink when they're cooked in a microwave

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

trust me, if mine did, my roommate would’ve hit me over the head with a pan by now lmao. the only thing she’s bothered by is the aesthetics.

[-]

hobsrulz@reddit

Bro just wear a helmet

[-]

lxxTBonexxl@reddit

Those “just crack an egg” things actually aren’t too bad and they’re easy if you don’t feel like cooking or don’t have time to in the morning.

OP’s looks like he just found the bowl under his bed 2 months later but they were already too dry to mold

[-]

translucent_steeds@reddit

my dad does it but that's because he suddenly went nearly blind about 2 years ago. ever since then he's been discovering new ways to continue doing all the things he used to be able to do. he's not stupid enough to attempt to use the stove but he has the microwave buttons memorized so that's how he can make his breakfast. otherwise he has to wait for my mom to get up and she is NOT an early riser hahaha.

I feel like the lack of a stove (i.e. a dorm or a studio apt) or disability are the only good excuses for microwaving eggs lol

[-]

hobsrulz@reddit

Fair

[-]

neko@reddit

It takes more than 3 minutes for my stove to even get hot enough to boil water, much less cook eggs

[-]

Jonny-Balls@reddit

Well, you know, god forbid me lazy bones has to clean a pan. Jesus I’ll make scrambled eggs in the microwave VERY rarely but i break em up and stir them every 30 seconds, and even that is sus. This dude is microwaving eggs every morning that’s a god darn cursed meal bro. Jesus the pan tastes a million times better

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

i do use pans to cook everything else! call me an undiagnosed gifted kid w the way i “have all the potential and just choose not to use it”

[-]

Jaded_Purpose_9068@reddit

I’m sorry did you say eggs?!??!!

[-]

Lank-Man@reddit

Honestly sounds like it tastes great! However, this looks like something you’d eat only after being sentenced.

[-]

JCarterPeanutFarmer@reddit

that is a biohazard what the fuck

[-]

wickedtunes@reddit

You had me at microwaved eggs.

[-]

Fucky0uthatswhy@reddit

Microwaving eggs makes it a weird slimy texture, and they smell 100x worse than cooking any other way. I know because I do it all the time.

[-]

Odd_Stand_2020@reddit

Perfection

[-]

Tetrahedont@reddit

Preferred amount of eggs, crack into pan, a small bit of butter, cook sixty seconds, add a tablespoon of water, cover, let steam until preferred doneness. Plate, season, add anything else you want to add.

[-]

Global_Palpitation24@reddit

Have you ever tried chawanmushi, chiense steamed eggs, or Korean steamed eggs ? They all are similar but taste just a little bit different give it a shot if you ever want to change it up

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

YESS Korean steamed eggs are the best o(*°▽°)o and thanks to my grandma, i’ve also had the Japanese iteration. i’ll have to try chawanmushi sometime!

[-]

Global_Palpitation24@reddit

Oh chawanmushi is the Japanese iteration sorry if I misspelled it!

[-]

teotl87@reddit

looks like food you'd see scattered in a bomb shelter from Fallout

[-]

Specialist-Pie2839@reddit

Everyone lost in this scenario.

[-]

I_am_just_heretolook@reddit

And i dare you to never cook eggs again…like ever

[-]

TarantulaFangs@reddit

Oh God, no.

[-]

ideapit@reddit

No.

[-]

Shotz0@reddit

Jail

[-]

backrubbing@reddit

Somehow this looks like it was made at least one week ago.

[-]

Traditional_Regret67@reddit

I thought it was dried up oatmeal. Lol

[-]

Independent-Lab3459@reddit

Still waiting to see the eggs...

[-]

earlubes@reddit

Looks like a sponge that was sitting in the sink for so long it got moldy

[-]

mobbedoutkickflip@reddit

Honestly I hate you

[-]

old_pond@reddit

Damn dude just make French scrambled eggs. Also, don't salt until the end to avoid the discoloration.

[-]

clityeastwood805@reddit

That's eggs? I thought it was moldy frijoles that got left outside on a hot day.

[-]

piratesarelikereally@reddit

you’re weird mate

[-]

Commercial_Award_411@reddit

If I saw my roommate eating this I would feel spiritually obligated to hurt him... No other feelings about it really xD

[-]

Jaded_Shift_4172@reddit

Oh my God, my daddy used to make the best scrambled eggs ever and they had Worcestershire sauce in them. I’ve never heard of anyone else doing that before! It was Worcestershire sauce Parmesan cheese Some salsa Garlic Topped with a slice of American cheese and they were amazing

[-]

cactusgirl69420@reddit

I feel so bad for your roommate who has to look at that

[-]

Jizfaceboi@reddit

Raw egg? If anything isn’t nuked to fuck after 2 minutes…get a new microwave, hahaha.

[-]

Professional_Speed21@reddit

Did you cook those under your bed for 2 weeks?

[-]

Atlas070@reddit

I gagged, vile

[-]

ex-farm-grrrl@reddit

What is wrong with you

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

unethical mad science and culinary sadomasochism :]

[-]

Arkidain@reddit

And how it looks doesn't bother you lol?

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

nope! as evidenced, it is EXTREMELY difficult to gross me out.

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

the pans in this house are hard to clean and i’m really into Chernobyl :]

[-]

Jonny-Balls@reddit

Doctors still haven’t been able to to say

[-]

Equivalent_Bell_7776@reddit

They should start with the eyes, check the nose, and surgically remove the tongue

[-]

Afraid_Photograph967@reddit

Couldn’t even help himself from eating a bit before taking a pic lol, I guess he had to prove he actually consumes this

[-]

SmithNotASmith@reddit

that looks like something you'd get at the chum bucket

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

coincidentally, my roommate has played Plankton in a production of the Spongebob musical! maybe i should blame her for the bad influence

[-]

boyalien0@reddit

What the fuck is wrong with you

[-]

MabKaterberiansky@reddit

Bro this looks rotten and like it’s been sitting there dehydrating for a long long time, it looks like a forgotten egg scramble, it looks like it would make me spill my guts out in the toalet and remember that foul taste for an uncomfortable amount of time

[-]

C4llist00@reddit

Please don’t make food again

[-]

Shoelace_cal@reddit

Morbid curiosity wants me to try this

[-]

paymelilbih@reddit

Who asked for the recipe tho?? 🤣

[-]

jeffdill2@reddit

Joke's on him. Those aren't eggs.

[-]

BidiBidiBobobo@reddit

Are you sure it doesn't have some cat food in it? <.< It looks like something Charlie day would eat with Frank Reynolds.

[-]

VanFkingHalen@reddit

If you have to use a microwave to make eggs, you don't deserve to eat.

[-]

mandoslorians@reddit

What the shit

[-]

braingobrrr@reddit

My boyfriend cracks an egg in his leftover ramen broth and microwaves it for an “egg soufflé.” Your “puddle of raw egg” sent me over the edge though. 😭

[-]

THE_NAMELESS125@reddit

Sounds delicious. No sarcasm. Might try. Need mozzarella though.

[-]

Fancy_Organization_8@reddit

How did you manage that catastrophe?

[-]

Salt_Yak4121@reddit

Is that not oat meal

[-]

Cypresss09@reddit

You ever seen old congealed sweat built up on the keys of a keyboard or a mouse? Yeah this is that.

[-]

iLostMyDildoInMyNose@reddit

It looks awful but the ingredients sound amazing

[-]

cromchable@reddit

I thought that was mould. Incredible craftsmanship.

[-]

Particular-Award118@reddit

No one asked for the recipe big dawg

[-]

catglass@reddit

I got a warning from reddit for saying you should be in jail for this

[-]

OddAdministration728@reddit

why is it brown

[-]

It_takes2469@reddit

In what way is that eggs?

[-]

Photoshopdoge@reddit

How dare you even call them eggs 😭

[-]

Late_Salamander@reddit

Feels like a cursed version of steamed eggs. And I mean cursed in the way of this thing looks like it'll give me scarlet rot

[-]

catglass@reddit

Respectfully, you should be imprisoned for the rest of your life.

[-]

FriedSmegma@reddit

What in the fuck

[-]

FreshSent@reddit

Oh wow, are those dry aged scrambled eggs? Or smoked? ...Or both?

[-]

TROMBONER_68@reddit

… Eggs?

[-]

MrBhootiya@reddit

this post proves that not all dares should be honoured.

[-]

strasxi@reddit

Do you have a girlfriend?

[-]

JasminePearls-@reddit

I have no words except for "sinister," congrats OP

[-]

-shmoopie-@reddit

ah, this almost makes me gag to look at... but reading the recipe... I will probably give it a try. thank you, good sir 🫡

[-]

Lone-Frequency@reddit

Okay, so where are the eggs?

Are they hidden beneath the vomit?

[-]

Relative-Dog-6012@reddit

NO

[-]

MapleLegends8@reddit

"the small puddle of raw egg at the bottom adds to the texture"

This is the worst sentence I've ever read in my life.

[-]

Triairius@reddit

Now this is what I’m talking about.

Disgusting.

[-]

Deqnkata@reddit

Microwave just heats, does not cook ugh ... You people are savages!

[-]

Plasmabreakdown@reddit

MICROWAVE????!?

[-]

lizziegal79@reddit

I called the diocese, told them to look at this. The exorcist should be over there tomorrow.

[-]

StumbleOn@reddit

What is actually wrong with you

[-]

Mountain-Exam8871@reddit

That looks like absolute dog shit lol.

[-]

LimberAtg7krp@reddit

I have seen that on Indian Street food vids.

[-]

abbieeats@reddit

Is your roommate okay???? Please never let them near anything in a kitchen again because that is horrific

[-]

Pretzeltheman@reddit

O.O THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

[-]

Cami_1@reddit

🤢🤢🤢

[-]

No-Salary-7654@reddit

Everything reminds me of her

[-]

snyexz@reddit

the small puddle of raw egg at the bottom adds to the texture

you're trolling

[-]

MooPig48@reddit

<like cake!

They’ve got to be

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

that’s the best comparison i could think of lmaoo, the texture is NOTHING like cake but i know that scrambled eggs don’t usually turn into a solid puck (especially not when they’re fluffy)

[-]

Ornery_Location1296@reddit

homie not one part of this is raw. it’s so overcooked it hurts

[-]

kenixfan2018@reddit

Eggs would have been my absolute last guess as to what that was.

[-]

heylistenlady@reddit

I also microwave eggs - but not for 2 fucking minutes, Christ, dude lol How is it not dry AF??

[-]

Foolsgil@reddit

...whatever that is, that ain't eggs.

[-]

narrowsleeper@reddit

I thought this was r/moldlyinteresting for a second

[-]

fennek-vulpecula@reddit

This looks like the ricepudding i forgot for a week xD.

[-]

TigBiddies710@reddit

That looks fucked up

[-]

FearKeyserSoze@reddit

Microwaving eggs should be a crime.

[-]

Pokemon_Trainer_May@reddit

I feel sick reading your process to make that

[-]

damn_thats_piney@reddit

yaaaaa fuck you buddy

[-]

DarkflowNZ@reddit

One time I left a half eaten dinner in the garage for a week after I went away (ADHD be hitting) and it looked just like this when I got back

[-]

ImAlekBan@reddit

Shitty✅

[-]

nonsensicaltexthere@reddit

Just...bravo. This is the most disgusting looking thing that wasnt made spesifically to look like this nor is a result of an absolutely incompetent chef. This was made on purpose of eating and it's horrifying.

[-]

tangycrossing@reddit

and this picture is after you've left them on the counter for a month?

[-]

AndyM110@reddit

gif

[-]

B_trask@reddit

I don't know what it is but I want to vomit 🤢

[-]

neko@reddit

I honestly also microwave eggs because my stovetop is clogged from my roommates letting things boil over constantly.

2 eggs, whipped until they're uniform. Half cup of leftover sauteed vegetables or chickpeas or salsa or whatever, mine's more often pink than brown. Microwave 4 minutes because the additional leftovers is usually super wet. After crumbling the resulting cake, it ends up about the texture of industrial hotel rubbery eggs, which I like. Serve with toast.

[-]

GuardianInChief@reddit

How the fuck you make eggs look like oatmeal that's been sitting on the counter, uncovered, for three days?

[-]

Cryvern1@reddit

just cook in a pan man it would be nicer and just as quick

[-]

TinyTudes@reddit

Considering I have changed diapers that looked like that.

Spot on.

[-]

witchhut@reddit

ahh yeah, egg in a mug, I made this a lot growing up lol. Just egg and a dash of milk and whatever seasoning you want (usually cheese and hot sauce for me lol) beaten with a fork until lemony yellow/frothy, and just chuck in a microwave for like IDK, 1.5~2.5 minutes? Very fluffy, actually pretty great lol.

[-]

4ha1@reddit

You should have posted last sunday when you made it.

[-]

Impressive-Pepper785@reddit

Do you live in an underground bunker or something?

[-]

fruityscoops@reddit

its like in the sims when you try making them cook without reading how to cook first and they make a plate of gruel lmfao

[-]

bubblegum-popxx@reddit

😭😭😭😭

[-]

Infinite_Picture3858@reddit

wtf, how is that EGGS!?!

[-]

Aimsforgroin@reddit

I’m sorry for whatever happened to you that led to this

[-]

nanablue99@reddit

r/shittyfoodporn

[-]

stupidassfoot@reddit

That looks like a decades old bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy with added blend of toxic mold.

[-]

ElysianWinds@reddit

Dude why and how is it gray?? Like how did you cook them to make them look like this?? 😭

[-]

celladwella@reddit

Well I dare you to eat it

[-]

TheGreatWizJenkins7@reddit

It doesn't look very edible.

[-]

EvilChefReturns@reddit

That’s the second day in a row I’ve seen eggs that I would never have guessed were eggs

[-]

Guardian2k@reddit

I’ve had shits more appetising than that

[-]

Pahlarity@reddit

Straight to jail.

[-]

CompSolstice@reddit

I'd break up with someone over this.

[-]

iSliz187@reddit

I think you missed step 8: ferment for one year and enjoy

[-]

Paulymcnasty@reddit

Those are eggs?

[-]

lennielixuuee@reddit

I'm afraid that i would turn into a clicker if i eat that

[-]

Most_Upstairs3983@reddit

..it looks like the gel/jelly food I feed feeder insects...

[-]

BadHaycock@reddit

I thought these were steamed eggs, which is a dish in Asia, my parents would make it with soy sauce and it'd take on a similar colour. But after reading the description I am thoroughly disgusted, it's wonderful :)

[-]

YoshiMagick@reddit

I make steamed eggs in the microwave. Its way more convenient than steaming. Its the exact same way, beat eggs with some water and salt, then microwave instead of steam, and it comes out with the exact same texture.

[-]

Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

OMG i know exactly what you’re talking about! my grandma made a similar dish for me all the time when i was a kid (i’m Japanese).

[-]

SanestExile@reddit

Naw. We ain't doin that.

[-]

billthedog0082@reddit

oh you poor thing

[-]

BigSmoke219@reddit

Your mother should be ashamed for birthing you and you in turn create …this Great job 👏

[-]

xXAssmaster420Xx@reddit

I don't get why so many people put eggs in a microwave in the first place, always looks absolutely disgusting. Don't you have a stove? Frying an egg takes like 2-3 minutes... You can also cook it if your too lazy to clean the pan, just need to rinse the pot with water afterwards and your good. No one should have to eat something like this😭

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Rickyfuegos@reddit

“Add mozzarella cheese to taste” I’m dying.. how can you taste anything that looks like a bowl of foamy dirt

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aStankChitlin@reddit

gif

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VisionAri_VA@reddit

As if the picture wasn’t horrifying enough on its own, you just had to add that “small puddle of raw egg” comment. Good job!

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VegHeaded@reddit

Sepia eggs. Very nostalgic.

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Different_Dark7809@reddit

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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PGHxplant@reddit

Damn autocorrect must have meant “septic”

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doodman76@reddit

Or they meant it looks like they took a picture through a sepia lense.

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

funnily enough, i’ve come very close to actual sepsis, so ykw i’ll take it!

—> had a feeding tube (gastroparesis) —> worked my ass off to eat 100% by mouth again —> got a nasty infection —> put off going to the ER for a week (insurance issues) —> inevitably ended up there anyway —> found out that the damn thing had migrated into my left ab and gifted me with severe cellulitis, both on my skin and inside the muscle —> was told that if i’d waited a couple more days, i would’ve been launched into septic shock —> got the tube removed —> FREEDOOOOM

i might be oversharing, but tl;dr i’m unbelievably grateful to be able to freely eat my septic eggs lmaooo. they’re cursed and evil, but they’re a lovely privilege!

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dragon_sack@reddit

gif

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AkButterandrice907@reddit

Sabor sorpresa!

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neep_pie@reddit

It sounds alright other than the microwave cooking

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jNealB@reddit

Would not have guessed these were eggs…. Oatmeal, maybe.. but eggs?

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xBooMz_@reddit

This looks like a dish i forgot 2 weeks ago. I can never understand how people use a microwave? it does not taste good, it i have eggs its always in the pan..

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Local-Brain-1322@reddit

gif

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MarsScully@reddit

You had me until the microwave

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Harrison_w1fe@reddit

It looks like vomit. I'm not even trying to roast you, but you cannot convince me those eggs weren't already eaten at least once.

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1337Iri@reddit

gif

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gimmesomepasta@reddit

what on god’s green earth is that

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SansyBoy144@reddit

I read what you did and didn’t think much about until I saw the microwave part…

As someone who has microwaved eggs before. Stop it. Just cook it normally, trust me, it’s worth it. It’s a much better texture and you don’t get gray eggs.

JUST COOK IT IN A PAN. LEAVE THE MICROWAVE OUT OF THIS

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front_torch@reddit

Are these dry aged scrambled eggs?

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ObliviousFantasy@reddit

Hey man...what the fuck????? I'm sorry Hold on. MICROWAVE EGGS BUT A PUDDLE OF RAW EGG AT THE BOTTOM???? OH MY GOD get out NO way. How are you even managing that?

I've admittedly cooked eggs in the microwave a couple times before in a cup. This has never happened to me and I cooked them for 3 minutes too 💀

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SonofaBridge@reddit

You must like a very hearty dose of Worcestershire sauce. What you said in the recipe sounds fine it’s the color that looks off.

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Palanki96@reddit

It's not that bad, try using a lower setting and add some oil

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epidemicsaints@reddit

Breakfasts with a threatening aura

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Tp_for_my_cornholio@reddit

More like rhea

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KORZILLA-is-me@reddit

Dire rhea

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

i nat 20 my intimidation roll every time (^▽^)☆

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beavis617@reddit

What is that?

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

the biggest hit in my Reddit career

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IceCoughy@reddit

Be good to yourself man it's ok to

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

what can i say, i’m a slut for pain

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mothzilla@reddit

We should use this to train AI to recognise eggs.

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Routine-Bid-526@reddit

Wait…. Microwaved? That’s a no from me. Microwave is for heating up leftovers, barely even that tbh. Literally goes faster cooking it in a pan. Get some new breakfast habits mate.

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Awesome_Cabbage@reddit

Truly god awful

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HillanatorOfState@reddit

You win, shit the sub down, we hit peak horror food.

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Koseoglu-2X4B-523P@reddit

shit the sub down

That’s gonna take some effort

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

based on these comments, my breakfast would probably help

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HillanatorOfState@reddit

Some shits do take effort, usually fiber helps though.

gif

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Subatomic_Spooder@reddit

The mere sight of this abomination caused my jaw to drop in horror. I just got my wisdom teeth removed and so it caused me immense pain. However, I'd rather sit with my jaw open for hours than willingly consume whatever this Eldritch abomination is.

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

at least ooze would be easy on your jaw (on a serious note, i wish you a smooth recovery! ♥️)

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Subatomic_Spooder@reddit

Thanks! I've luckily been recovering pretty well, and I seem to be healing quickly

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BitterActuary3062@reddit

I’m currently trying not to puke, this is new for me.

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AkButterandrice907@reddit

It’s ok show us where the bad man hurt you

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

no concern necessary, these eggs hurt the bad man worse

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MalodorousNutsack@reddit

mix and enjoy

I don't think that second part is going to happen

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SamuraiTwack@reddit

But… why?

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TonyStewartsWildRide@reddit

That looks like something I pulled from under my bed.

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

at least it’s not a violated coconut (if you know you know)

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xtremesmok@reddit

Did nobody ever tell you that you don’t microwave eggs

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

my roommate tells me that every morning! i just don’t listen :]

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Fit_Adagio_7668@reddit

Yeah, this looks like food you'd find in the fridge 2 months later

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Ill-Wrongdoer-2971@reddit

How do you get to this point. Where did this insanity begin?

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

sensory hyposensitivity, 5 mental health diagnoses, and a dream ✨✨✨

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AmbassadorBonoso@reddit

What the fuck

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bread_suspicion@reddit

THIS is the content I wanna see when I open up shittyfoodporn!

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ReishiCheese@reddit

How do you do this? Whats your secret? I don’t think I could accomplish this

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

the pans in this house are hard to clean and i’m really into Chernobyl :]

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Enmyriala@reddit

I doubt you'll see this OP, but as someone who has done Worcestershire on eggs before, I support your recipe. It looks awful but it's very good! I'll have to try adding garlic.

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

aww thank you!! i’m glad that my evil has inspired the good (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

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monkeyPICmonkeydo@reddit

all you gotta do is grease the dish, cook the eggs w/ the cheese n milk in 30 second batches til you're happy with the consistancy, and season after it's all cooked, probably the salt and g powder, give it a little mix to get it all over, then a few dashes of worcestershire over the top

tbf tho, if it tastes good and it's just for you, no harm done

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duduwatson@reddit

Why do people cook eggs in the fridge?

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blaskoczen@reddit

Where is the egg?

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glitter_witch@reddit

Every day???

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Miserable_Dream_9967@reddit

Op building up that resistance i see

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fat-wombat@reddit

Would 🤷‍♀️

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Culator@reddit

Congrats, you've bumped these down to the second worst looking eggs I've seen on Reddit in the last 24 hours.

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sketchtone@reddit

dawg are you still with us?

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ChillCommissar@reddit

The best I've seen so far, top marks for being the worst.

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ReishiCheese@reddit

Egg!?

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_Steevor_@reddit

gif

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ebolaRETURNS@reddit

so...er...how?

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Player_Slayer_7@reddit

This looks like the south side of fucked. How'd you get it to look like concrete?

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PfedrikTheChawg@reddit

So you gonna post the eggs or just flaunt your vomit?

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Mugiwara419@reddit

Yes, I also take a shit into a bowl and call it 'eggs'

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RagnarokBegining@reddit

Love me some scrambled mold

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HotAdhesiveness2164@reddit

How did you manage to create this abomination

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Gloxxter@reddit

Looks like shit because of the sauce and shit added before cooking and ofc because its microwaved

But probably tastes good and would smash that bowl

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Fawe2016@reddit

The color is because of the Worcestersauce. The only thing really weird about this, is the fact you microwave it. Nothing horrific about it, though.

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vtv43ketz@reddit

Nice eggs, looks straight out of a nuclear apocalypse

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Just-Call-Me-J@reddit

a hearty dose of Worcestershire sauce

Ok that explains the color

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Books_And_Brews@reddit

I thought this was moldy oatmeal that was left out for days 😭

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Kamelasa@reddit

I thought it was microwaved toejam or boogers.

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Yaughl@reddit

Looks like MRE eggs.

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homelaberator@reddit

Soufflé!

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tick_tac_toenail@reddit

What on gods green earth is that?

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Existing-Ocelot5421@reddit

And you waited a year to do it?

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theguiltandthegrief@reddit

this seriously pisses me off and i don't know why

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yourballsareshowing_@reddit

So disgusting. But I'm high, so I'd probably try it

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presidentkokoro@reddit

Ah, the worcestershire eggs!

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devb292@reddit

Are the eggs in the room with us?

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Puzzled_Pop_6845@reddit

Had you not said these are eggs, I would have never guessed in a lifetime

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InsideExpress9055@reddit

r/foodcrimes

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whoisxii@reddit

Who Tf asked for the recipe hun? 🤣 It’s all yours baby, you can keep it. World’s a better place without it

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JetstreamGW@reddit

I'm fairly certain this would look better, taste better, and be easier to make in a pan on the stove.

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YeahItsRico@reddit

I used to put a half an onion (diced), 7 different seasonings, lemon juice, and minced garlic in mine and then cook it in the microwave as a kid (i might have autism) and it STILL never looked ANYTHING LIKE THIS.

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SuperMomn@reddit

Looks like you left it on the counter for a week then took the photo!

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VintageLunchMeat@reddit

... is this photo pre or post digestion?

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Punk_owl@reddit

Did you mispell mold?

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-catskill-@reddit

You know it would only take a couple extra minutes to cook your mixture in a pan, right? 🫣

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NCOMPAQ77@reddit

OK, so you’re a child who doesn’t know how to cook

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Gamestonkape@reddit

Green eggs and dayum!

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enchiladasundae@reddit

Oh I thought that was ramen broth eggs wtf

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Koseoglu-2X4B-523P@reddit

Reminder: eating oysters resembles slurping cold snot from a rock.

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postrap@reddit

disgusting

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mysteryprickle@reddit

Fuck

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NickiNooey@reddit

gif

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LogicalHoney4689@reddit

It literally looks like cat food with chicken chunks that was puked into a bowl and solidified.

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rockspud@reddit

evil gyeranjjim

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External_Antelope942@reddit

Who tf microwaves eggs

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ptahbaphomet@reddit

Not sure to present an award based on this sub or a honorary Darwin Award. Please be careful with what you eat. Add some yellow food coloring maybe

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Outside-Ad925@reddit (OP)

well i’m a science nerd AND i’m not dead yet… Darwin Award, please! :]

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ScatteredSignal@reddit

Fry them. You only dirty one more dish and the flavor will impress you.

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ChaoticxSerenity@reddit

If OP knew how to use a stove, do you think he would be here posting these abominations? 😭💀

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Spicechaii@reddit

Gosh wtf is that?

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ChaoticxSerenity@reddit

It looks like when my cat vomits half digested kibble after eating too fast 💀

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Culdesackedlunch@reddit

how long have they been out?

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Westafricangrey@reddit

This actually genuinely made me gag

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Sparky833@reddit

This is...🤮...eggs?!

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Valuable_Nose_4693@reddit

Let me post my eggs too just let me go to the toilet real quick to show you

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Mildsaucefries@reddit

gif

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TrainingSword@reddit

It looks like you diarrhead in a bowl

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starfries@reddit

honestly doesn't sound too bad and I bet it would look better if you made a big batch, cooked it in an actual oven and then sliced it

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Doods420@reddit

At first look, I thought it was a dog food

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joechill5139@reddit

R/shitfromabutt

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cave18@reddit

Will try this this weekend. Honestly looking forward

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StoopidGnome@reddit

My stomach hurts looking at that, thanks

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byneothername@reddit

What’s giving them that color? The Worcestershire sauce? I make eggs quite often - whip them up and steam them like a custard, scrambled, over easy, etc - and I’m just not understanding how they got that particular……. shade.

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BallisticFroggy030@reddit

How do you like your eggs cooked? Prehistoric

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Red_X_24@reddit

That actually doesn’t sound bad at all! My only beef is the choice to microwave eggs over cooking in a pan haha but hey, this is r/shittyfoodporn

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chrisn2golf@reddit

The little dog tins of food look like this. Minus the dog eating it

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hollandaisesawce@reddit

Why can you just use a pan??

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thenightsiders@reddit

Why do you feel like you need to be punished so?

What sins are you repenting for?

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

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Apprehensive_Ad_6636@reddit

Was this taken before you ate them or…?

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unfinished-sentenc_@reddit

Lmfao

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Eis_ber@reddit

I thought it was dried oatmeal.

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Proud-Leave3602@reddit

I’m simply horrified.

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Wooden_Mixture_238@reddit

Did you say eggs or cement? I wasn’t sure

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Davina_Lexington@reddit

Thought this was like a bowl of shea butter

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ElQuesoGato@reddit

You could dare me to eat those and I wouldn’t

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No_pajamas_7@reddit

how do people get to more than 8 years old and think this is cooking?

This is like some 6 year old making a mud-pie in the backyard. But even they know not to eat it.

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-neveleven-@reddit

Bet it'll look normal if u just don't add Worcestershire sauce.

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Visible_Block_1519@reddit

This reminds me of the grill drain where oil and random food would get mashed together. Especially when the line cook is lazy and doesnt clean it mid shift. Or- or it reminds me of industrial kitchen sink drains and the gunk that builds up on them. Or, in the dish pit, between the wall and the dishwasher, (like an inch of space and its drilled into the floor so it cant get cleaned as often) a layer of grime builds up that is a similar color to this. Congrats op, i think that you have made the most disgusting eggs. Youre a real one for putting this in your mouth as nutrients.

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sgt-lawlcats@reddit

You are terrible and your roommate should mind their own business and/or rail you in the glutes

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el_peregrino_mundial@reddit

Dude, do you need a help line or something?

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WaferMundane5687@reddit

EGGS? Dude i thought this was oatmeal that had sat out for 2 weeks.

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Sproose_Moose@reddit

gif

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lukhasoup@reddit

"the small puddle of raw egg at the bottom adds to the texture" I could have gone the rest of my life without that haunting sentence

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Alive-Pangolin-8113@reddit

That looks like absolute dogshit but honestly I bet it doesn't taste too bad

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Spudperson@reddit

This looks less edible than my elderly dog's wet dog food. Good job.

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keo310@reddit

This is the second post I’ve seen with something someone says are eggs but are definitely not eggs. Can someone please post some actual eggs??

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Strange_Fortune_7419@reddit

You don’t have to live like this

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Fit-Captain-9172@reddit

Your roommate is awesome for forcing you to show us this travesty. Thanks bro!

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Excellent_Lock_7249@reddit

Can you tell me how you managed to do this to eggs? If they even are eggs??

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karmacuda@reddit

that looks like boogers

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Myster_Hydra@reddit

😂I don’t like looking at it

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LemurBurger@reddit

Where are the eggs?

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NachosReady@reddit

Do better.

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birbgatto@reddit

I almost got nauseous.

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Jeramy_Jones@reddit

Are they chicken eggs? Or some sort of insect or reptile?

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hlarsenart@reddit

Looks like it got digested and thrown back up, then left to rot for a week.

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trishthedish7189@reddit

Baked mud

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Chilidogdingdong@reddit

I bet you somehow dont even realize that cooking them the way you do likely takes literally no less time than being a big boy for once in your goddamn life and using a fucking pan. Have some dignity.

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