The IT Jokes Thread | TheaterFire

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Sad_Copy_9196@reddit

Why did the IT tech cross the road? Because he has to plug in the cable three people assured him was plugged in

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CoffeeRude7513@reddit

and turn the server on they swore was on

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binaryhextechdude@reddit

Only across the road? I thought it was a 45 minute drive both ways, at 2am.

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TheGooOnTheFloor@reddit

Or, more likely "...cross the state?"

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A software tester walks into a bar. A software tester runs into the bar. A software tester crawls into the bar. A software tester dances into the bar. A software tester flies into the bar. A software tester jumps into the bar. A software tester materializes in the bar. He orders a beer. He orders 2 beers. He orders 0 beers. He orders 99999999 beers. He orders a lizard in a shot glass. He orders -1 beer. He orders qwertyuiop beers. A man walks into the bar. He asks where the bathroom is. The bar goes up in flames.

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CoffeeRude7513@reddit

Ahhhh a QA joke :)

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NoTime4YourBullshit@reddit

Did you hear that YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are merging into a single company? They’re calling it YouTwitFace.

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CoffeeRude7513@reddit

A Conan O'Brien classic

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Conscious_Pound5522@reddit

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled in your Microsoft product.

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Odd_Quarter_799@reddit

It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!

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CoffeeRude7513@reddit

dammit you beat me to that one.

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CoffeeRude7513@reddit

Failure is not a bug it is a feature.

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SM_DEV@reddit

That’s a good one…

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Eneerge@reddit

The Microsoft Standard

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CoffeeRude7513@reddit

How many CCNA's does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, one to enable it and another to spend 8 hours to get it licenses from Cisco.

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CoffeeRude7513@reddit

How many ccna's does it take to screw in a light bulb? None you need a license for that.

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Normal-Difference230@reddit

no joke, but one time I got pulled into HR because someone heard me tell another tech that brothers never work. I was talking about a printer though.

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punkwalrus@reddit

Things HR got involved with from a former company: * "Ubuntu Bionic Beaver" = sexist and vulgar statement * "Adobe flash" = Flash has sexual connotation * "Apache" = Culturally insensitive

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jmbpiano@reddit

> "Ubuntu Bionic Beaver" = sexist and vulgar statement I can kinda squint and see where an idiot in HR would think the other two could be "problematic", but I'm totally at a loss on where this one came from. Last I checked beavers came in both sexes and the Bionic Woman would probably take issue with you claiming she was "vulgar".

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punkwalrus@reddit

Because beaver is a common slang term for a woman's vagina (at least around here). And the fact it wasn't HR that initially got involved at first. Someone, we don't know who, sitting in on a meeting about upgrading to the latest Ubuntu at the time (the previous one being "Xenial Xerus") reported us "anonymously." So our boss, with eyes rolled shut, said we have to change it from "Bionic Beaver" to "18.04" starting immediately.

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dawho1@reddit

If these people ever have to drive on I-75 in Detroit and need to get gas or food, exit 69 is gonna break their brains.

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jmbpiano@reddit

Huh. That's a new one on me. Did they also have a policy against talking about men named Richard?

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Waste_Monk@reddit

> Did they also have a policy against using nicknames when talking about men named Richard? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qntBBbvgBxM

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Snysadmin@reddit

Paging Dick from accounting

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fresh-dork@reddit

wait until you tell her about the army helicopter - head asplode

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Lock_Squirrel@reddit

Me: There's no chopper called the Beaver, that's a glider by DeHaviland! Also me: Oh.... Right... The other chopper.

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4rd_Prefect@reddit

Just explain you were in fact calling it "A patchy web server" and they just misheard you. ... And the funny thing is, you'll be right, that is the origin of the name 😉

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NETSPLlT@reddit

And the origin of a hastily-prepared hallowe'en costume one year. :)

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Normal-Difference230@reddit

What do you mean by insert the male connector into the female port? What is this master/slave stuff you are storing on hard drives? Unzip what?

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Insanely-Awesome@reddit

And don't get me started on trying to explain "dongles".

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TheGooOnTheFloor@reddit

Did you assume the genders of the male connector and female port? Maybe they're identifying as something else this week.

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scubajay2001@reddit

No joke - the big M in Redmond made us start using primary and secondary bc of the "negative connotations" of the other 🤦‍♂️

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KingZarkon@reddit

That's not just MS. There has been a push in IT in general to move away from terminology like that. As you noted, master and slave being replaced with primary and secondary. Another example, the use of allow-list and block-list instead of whitelist and blacklist.

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fresh-dork@reddit

you'd think they would be in favor of blacklist, since it's rooted in anti union sentiment

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scubajay2001@reddit

Yup telephony session border controllers are redefining their terminology that way too...

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fresh-dork@reddit

hard drives are inherently kinky

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quazex13@reddit

Don’t forget poke a hole in the firewall.

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Normal-Difference230@reddit

Router, I barely knew her!

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Status-Importance-54@reddit

Add wix to that list. Wix installer ist useful, but the name sounds like "wichsen' in German, which is slang for a male masturbating

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WayneH_nz@reddit

Oh, like an English Banker

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ProfessionalITShark@reddit

Tbh on Ubuntu Bionic Beaver, that was a stupid name.

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SpaceCowboy73@reddit

Same, but instead I was talking through one of my techs on the phone in front of an end user. I told them to open lusrmgr.msc (pronounced as loser manager) and look for the end users name. That was a fun HR convo about why I can't call end users losers.

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binaryhextechdude@reddit

I worked at a company that forbid any tech from using the term "users" because it sounded like we were calling them drug users. I kid you not. It took me a decade to get over it but now I can comfortably say users again.

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Chakar42@reddit

Umm... Unfortunately not where I'm at in a hospital setting. We have to say caregivers. (In my head, I still call them users.)

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ExLaxMarksTheSpot@reddit

They have always been pretty solid for me over the years.

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SkyrakerBeyond@reddit

The hardware? Sure, very reliable. Their proprietary software? No, complete paperweight. Especially their scan software: "yes diagnostics say the scanner is present and we can see it. But if you try to scan, we'll say it's offline."

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0zer0space0@reddit

I hated that the Brother driver suite required me to have the unit connected to the computer during install. No way to progress otherwise. I tried to skip the suite and get just the driver and I couldn’t even have that. All the other printer devices we had allowed me to install drivers without attaching them to the computer.

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QuiteFatty@reddit

Brothers are bar far easiest for us to deploy, not sure which model you are using

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Adept-Midnight9185@reddit

I love my (home, consumer level) Brother Laser printer. But I don't use any of their software. Windows 11 supports it natively, *including the scanning functions* which really shocked me. So. Very. Pleased. I can print, scan, scan to PDF, none of it involves Brother software whatsoever.

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Mayhem-x@reddit

Which ones do you have? We have 3 brothers at work and they constantly taking time off

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ExLaxMarksTheSpot@reddit

The HL-24xxDW series has been good for our smaller needs, and we’ve had good luck with our MFC-L8900CDW. Granted I don’t use any of the software. Just printing and scan to email. Been a beast and much more reliable than our HPs.

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Smaugerford@reddit

I've got an L8900CDW in our HR office. Tempermental at times, but a solid machine for sure.

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FowlSeason@reddit

Real workhorse that one is!

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Mayhem-x@reddit

Woooosh

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auto98@reddit

Difficult to be sure, but if I had to judge I'd say you are the one that was whooshed

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InanimateCarbonRodAu@reddit

Sure just don’t try owning them.

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ScriptThat@reddit

Brother is brilliant for home use, but not really all that great for business. I'm partial towards Konica Minolta right now. They seem to work decently and their drivers don't fuck everything up.

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haxcess@reddit

They bought a crate of prototype palmpilot WiFi chips in 1993 and keep putting them into new devices. Every other printer brand works on my WiFi, but Brother. I had to make a legacy SSID with all the features and security disabled.

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FauxReal@reddit

Probably because that is a lie. They were until recent toner changes, the go to brand.

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Normal-Difference230@reddit

All I remember is like back in the mid 00s I hated dealing with Brother printers and multifunctions. We tried to stick with HP printers and such which we had better luck with and better warranty support/replacements.

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FauxReal@reddit

What and you preferred HP printers? Bruh, I hate to tell you this, but you have somehow found yourself in an alternate universe and might want to find your way back home to your loved ones.

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Normal-Difference230@reddit

we were an HP shop thru and thru. Procurves, Proliants, LaserJets and a Sonicwall firewall, but funny enough, we bought Gateway desktops and Viewsonic monitors.

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fresh-dork@reddit

heh, i could see that being taken wrong

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locke577@reddit

Counter argument, Brothers work more reliably than anything else in my environment. Myself included

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flunky_the_majestic@reddit

Do you mean brothers, Brothers, or _Brothers_?

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Normal-Difference230@reddit

![gif](giphy|KDVswimTNahWzcd7sV) Yes

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yrogerg123@reddit

Nuce save bro, but we know whst you really meant

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Normal-Difference230@reddit

nah, but the Laserjet 4 back then was a fucking workhorse of a printer!

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CasualEveryday@reddit

We had a meeting about the use of the word "dongle" in mixed company.

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Zhaha@reddit

This one actually made me laugh. That's great. A lady I know walked into someones' office and overheard her saying "FU" to someone on a call. She thought they were fighting but learned later that the lady was on a call with support and what she *actually* caught was the end of a serial number.

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Ethicstest@reddit

That's pretty good actually

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thereisonlyoneme@reddit

There are 10 types of people. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

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hlmtre@reddit

There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a ternary joke.

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music2myear@reddit

...and those who know this is a base-5 joke. ....and those who know this is a base-6 joke. .....and those who know this is a base-7 joke. ......and those who thought this was a base-8 joke.

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itsNowOrNever13@reddit

There are 10 types of people. Those who understand hexadecimal and F the rest.

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cjbarone@reddit

There are two types of people. Those who can extrapolate date from incomplete data sets *sips coffee*

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ScriptThat@reddit

Extra nerdy: There are 10 types of people. Those who can extrapolate data from incomplete data sets

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Common_Club_3848@reddit

And those that confuse it with trinary

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unkwntech@reddit

And those who understand Gray code.

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kimoppalfens@reddit

A surgeon and a landscape architect are sitting at a bar and have a discussion while being overheard by an IT Cloud Administrator. The surgeon is claiming, quite proudly, that she's exercising the oldest profession in the world. The landscape architects looks at her somewhat bewildered. She notices his confusion and goes, well, God created Eve from Adam's rib, if that's not a masterful piece of surgery, I don't know what is. The landscape architect, goes ah, right, in that way. Impressive indeed, but I have news for you. Do you know where all of this took place? The surgeon replies, sure, the Garden of Eden, what's your point? Well, I am a landscape architect, God created that beautiful garden, from total chaos. If that's not a strong piece of landscape architecture than I give up. So, I guess I exercise the oldest profession on this planet. At this point, the Cloud Administrator puts down his drink for a brief moment and intervenes with just this simple question: "Where do the both of you think that total chaos come from?" and grabs his drink again.

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madogson@reddit

A coworker asked me to explain how DNS resolution works. I told him to ask Paul. I also got a pickup line: damn gurl are you a TCP handshake cuz ur lookin like a SYN/ACK

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Normal-Difference230@reddit

I remember back in like 2007, I found out how to change the default message on HP printers. These were the simple 1 line displays that just said "Ready" or something like that. Anyways I changed them to default to "Contacting Skynet" or "Please Insert 25c" I thought it was hilarious. I also found out how to put infinite hold music on speaker phone and unless you knew the key combo to stop it, picking up the reciever and putting it back down, hitting buttons, powering it off and back on.....did nothing to fix it.

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TheGooOnTheFloor@reddit

I once worked in a pit where there were 10 cubicles. Some people didn't understand that you could be on a conference call using something other than the speaker, like maybe the handset? Even more annoying when two or three people in the pit were on conference calls on speaker at the same time (and some of them on the same call!). I got in early one morning and downloaded the config file off a phone to my workstation then changed the setting to disable the speaker phone. I walked to each phone and configured them to see my PC as the TFTP server and download that new config from it. People soon learned they couldn't air their calls for everybody else to hear, so they called our inhouse phone support to investigate. All that team did was to manually reconfigure the phone to enable the speaker. Which was only effective until the phone would pull down my config on a 4 hour schedule. They never did bother to check where the phones were getting the config from. Eventually people gave up and used headsets or handsets like normal people do.

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binaryhextechdude@reddit

This is genius and I love it!

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bastardblaster@reddit

"Now voice activated"

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Naznarreb@reddit

I once figured out a configuration setting for our soft phone system where if you were on a call and another came in it would automatically put the first call on hold and answer the second call with no rings or warning, And would do it again if you got a third call, etc, until you had too many calls holding and your client crashed

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Commercial_Growth343@reddit

my favorite industry acronym is PCMCIA; people can't memorize computer industry acronyms

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Majik_Sheff@reddit

PC Manufacturers Creating Indecipherable Acronyms

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MooseWizard@reddit

Not TWAIN driver? "Technology Without An Interesting Name"

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Kiernian@reddit

>Not TWAIN driver? "Technology Without An Interesting Name" Please tell me that's what it actually stands for.

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anerdymind@reddit

It is.

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OtherMiniarts@reddit

Here's a joke for you: "So I bought an HP printer,"

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Odd_Quarter_799@reddit

Or maybe it’s the feeling you get when wondering whether it will work: hugely pessimistic.

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Odd_Quarter_799@reddit

Because HP stands for hardly productive

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tdmsbn@reddit

They make you work hard to be productive. Maybe it really means highly problematic.

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Odd_Quarter_799@reddit

Let’s keep this going, how about… huge paperweight?

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OcelotMean@reddit

Work in healthcare and have carts with laptops on them, called them COWs (Computer on Wheels). Had to change it to WOW (workstation on wheels). Not really sure someone would get offended by that but they did...

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Substantial-Match-19@reddit

I could tell you one about UDP but I don't know if you'd get it

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thereisonlyoneme@reddit

HI, I'd like to hear a TCP joke.

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nohairday@reddit

Hi. Would you like to hear a TCP joke?

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TheGreatLandSquirrel@reddit

Yes I would like to hear a TCP joke.

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nohairday@reddit

OK. I'll tell you a TCP joke. Are you ready for the TCP joke?

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TheGreatLandSquirrel@reddit

Yes I am ready for the TCP joke.

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nohairday@reddit

\####CONNECTION RESET BY SERVER####

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TheLastRaysFan@reddit

*critical ticket opened* THE INTERNET IS DOWN EMERGENCY CALL ME NOW I CAN'T WORK

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battmain@reddit

My power is out and my desktop won't turn on!

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ShadowSlayer1441@reddit

They how are you opening a ticket? *Closed as resolved*

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nickdonz@reddit

and then they don’t answer or leave their VoIP phone# for callback 💀

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TheGreatLandSquirrel@reddit

I didn't get it.

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DataCrumbOps@reddit

Retransmitting packet again.

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Howden824@reddit

Yes I am ready for the TCP joke.

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Zhaha@reddit

RST

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TheGreatLandSquirrel@reddit

One admin threw a pie at another admin's face and he shouted "ACK". Did you get it?

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jconchroo@reddit

No Ack

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SuccessfulLime2641@reddit (OP)

ack ack ack syn pray ack ack ack

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Common_Club_3848@reddit

Great. I have a TCP joke

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hurkwurk@reddit

I heard them out of order, try again.

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Important-Product210@reddit

My total internal reflection is getting frustrated, maybe it's better to have some space from this interface.

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FarToe1@reddit

Damnit, you beat me to the only IT joke I know.

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RepulsiveCamel7225@reddit

and don't care if you do

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Zhaha@reddit

And even if you did get it, you wouldn't acknowledge it.

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Anticept@reddit

I won't tell you if I did either.

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setisdagre@reddit

Oldy but a goody

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sendme__@reddit

Someone, head of IT department, in a conversation about radar maintenance costing us a lot of money, said: we should stop them at night since they don't see anything in the dark. Imagine the faces of everyone who were at the meeting.

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Da_BizkiT@reddit

Yo mamma so FAT she can't read files bigger than 4 GB.

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MercuryKojo@reddit

When she looses weight she would be exFAT

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pmandryk@reddit

HR offered to pay me for overtime.

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ScriptThat@reddit

Real talk: HR offered us €1000 extra per year to always be available and always be able to be at work within 1 hour roughly 20% of our free time (24/7 split between five people). They were absolutely gobsmacked when every single person denied the offer. Now the union is negotiating reasonable compensation for those extra duties. (reasonable being roughly 20% of regular salary when we're on-call)

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mike9874@reddit

Depends if they then pay overtime. I once got about €150 a week to be on call, and did alternate weeks with one other engineer. We rarely got calls My team now get £400 (about €475/$540) to be on call, one in 5. They get 1.5x an hour for weekdays and x2 for weekends. They get a couple of calls a week. I think that's a lot, but the company are happy to pay it

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Gene_McSween@reddit

This would be the best one if it didn't make me sad.

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Pancake_McFlappyJack@reddit

On a clear disk you can read forever

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abn0rmalcreation@reddit

I had a pretty funny udp joke but I don't think you'll get it

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Eneerge@reddit

Heard on here a while back... It will be fixed in a Microsoft Minute. Phrase used to simplify the statement that it will be fixed sometime between today and never.

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incidentallypossible@reddit

I always tell users “I just pushed the change. It’ll take effect in Microsoft time.” Which I explain can be one hour or one day.

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Princess_Fluffypants@reddit

We use the phrase “a Meraki minute” to mean 20 minutes. (Aka “how long it takes the goddamn switches to actually implement the changes you just made”)

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Muted-Part3399@reddit

"It'll be done in one cloud minute"

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sybrwookie@reddit

We use it to mean something which claims it'll take 4 hours, then 30 seconds, then is done in 35 mins.

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Fubared259@reddit

Blizzard says it is sometime between now and doomsday

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burger4d@reddit

If Microsoft ever makes a product that doesn't suck, it'll be a vacuum cleaner.

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TheGreatPina@reddit

Oh my gods. My sides.

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endbit@reddit

This is the thing I hate about Apple products. I fully support the idea that I should be able to throw shade at the product I am using. I don't care about what you're a fanboy of, fuck Microsoft an any other fucking software I have to support!

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barleykiv@reddit

AI will help you work less, the newest model is called layoff

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nohairday@reddit

Microsoft are changing the name of copilot again. They're calling it ClipAI.

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slow_down_kid@reddit

In all seriousness, the fact that MS didn’t bring back Clippy as the Copilot mascot is a damn shame.

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Lrrr81@reddit

"I see you're trying to add a table to your document. Would you like me to show you how to plate fish?"

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NETSPLlT@reddit

Proceeds to detail how to pump diesel fuel into a jewelry box.

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Yozzie_ZA@reddit

Let’s go old school. Use “ID10T” as the error code on the invoice for something stupid you had to “fix”

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Psychlore@reddit

Best joke I got, is from our Broadcom rep: "Since we (Broadcom) bought VMware, we have added incredible value for our customers." (Right before giving us our 800% price increase)

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_haha_oh_wow_@reddit

The value is that you are paying them a shitload of money!

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eig10122@reddit

How they could say that with a straight face is beyond me.

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MadMaverickMatthew@reddit

Okay, that's actually really funny and I might just steal that joke lol

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Potential_Try_@reddit

There’s no place like 127.0.0.1

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Phreakiture@reddit

Also ~ Also also ::1

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Phreakiture@reddit

What do we want? Now! When do we want it? No more race conditions!

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13toycar@reddit

Microsoft had Windows CE for mobile devices, ME for the home users, and NT for the workstations. Then they rolled them all together into Windows CEMENT.

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Phreakiture@reddit

Hard as a rock, dumb as a brick.

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FireLucid@reddit

I haven't heard this one in a long time!

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Lrrr81@reddit

It's a solid product.

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timbotheny26@reddit

Out of all of the jokes in this thread, why is *this* the one that makes me laugh the hardest?

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Ivy1974@reddit

The other idea wasn’t so much of a joke as much as a FU to the company. I wanted to do this but couldn’t do it without being seen. I wanted to plug both ends of a network cable in their switch the same color as the other ones causing a loop back. Wouldn’t break anything really but would require some trial and error to figure out why.

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Ivy1974@reddit

My colleague and friend we were relocated to a separate building just the two of us even though there was 5 desks. He constantly leaves his computer unlocked so one day I look for the most disgusting picture of a guys hairy ass and made it his wallpaper and opened all the windows so it is blocked. Took several days of waiting till one day I get a text: REALLY?

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SupeRaven@reddit

My favorite responses when a user asks what the problem was, when the user was the problem: - The ID10T flag was enabled. - It was an insufficient function of operator head space. - The pebkac was out of order.

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colajunkie@reddit

It was a wetware issue.

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TheGooOnTheFloor@reddit

PICNIC - problem in chair, not in computer. 3M - Malfunctioning Mouse Manipulator OSI Layer 8 Error.

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MAlloc-1024@reddit

post here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Sysadminhumor/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Sysadminhumor/)

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SuccessfulLime2641@reddit (OP)

System/IT Administrators common complaints: Everything works: "What do we pay you for?" / Something breaks: "What do we pay you for?"

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TheGooOnTheFloor@reddit

We're like the frontline in American football - as long as we do our job right, nobody notices. But screw up just once.....

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gregoryo2018@reddit

The feels when someone in your own direct hierarchy appears to actually think this way

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Naznarreb@reddit

Working with Outlook archive files has given me .pstd

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j5kDM3akVnhv@reddit

Winner

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DerkvanL@reddit

Computers are like air-conditioners. Everything is cool until users start opening windows.

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TheGooOnTheFloor@reddit

This comment doesn't get enough love!

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techead2000@reddit

Microsoft

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maoroh@reddit

Did you sfc /scannow and dism /online /cleanup-image /restorehealth?

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Educational_Sink_535@reddit

It'll take a bit for Microsoft to change the outlook of r/sysadmin in this regard. The way I see it, they should ask us to share points on how they can excel in support.

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TheGooOnTheFloor@reddit

I was on a call with MS tech support troubleshooting a problem with a DC. Even had them remove viewing my session. I was running through some of the diagnostic tests and tools I had been using to find the problem. The tech watched a few of the things I had been doing and asked "Can you really do that?". That didn't inspire any confidence that they could solve it. (they didn't)

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markwms@reddit

What would I receive in Exchange? Or is that outside your Purview?

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Potential_Pandemic@reddit

I keep trying to Entra into this thread but I just can't get in tune

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markwms@reddit

We should Lync up. Skype's the limit.

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Gwigg_@reddit

If you are on a support call with Microsoft and they say they are going to help you, 100% it’s a scammer.

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narcissisadmin@reddit

LOL you missed the joke...

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themanbornwithin@reddit

I can think of a few power points they could work on for a project or two.

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Centimane@reddit

I don't think the problem is that Microsoft is incapable of providing adequate support. I think the problem is they can get away with providing such piss-poor support with no financial consequences that they have no reason to try.

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itishowitisanditbad@reddit

Bingo. They're doing exactly what they're *trying* to do. They're not *struggling* to support anyone. This is riding the incredibly fine line they've drawn between profitability and profitability. The only 2 metrics a business EVER cares about.

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bastardblaster@reddit

The fact they used Cortana for their ai assistant name blew my mind. I mean she went mad and tried to kill you in Halo...

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HughJassul@reddit

Winner. Doesn't get funnier than this.

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PoeTheGhost@reddit

That's what Bill said when he named his company after his 🐔.

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Odd_Quarter_799@reddit

https://preview.redd.it/sni1j1luht3f1.jpeg?width=392&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=77de8f218f3fe662bdce14fc1ff332c11a245537

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PawnF4@reddit

Lmao

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jeffc11b@reddit

I called for support and they told me they are only authorized to be on phone for a certain amount then hung up on me and close the remote connection

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techead2000@reddit

Last time I called MS for support, lil gurl just regurgitated an outdated knowledge base article, then she started asking me how much I liked Copilot on a scale of 1 to 5.

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Degrafix@reddit

Two DBA walk into a no-sql bar…

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hkusp45css@reddit

Did they leave when they couldn't find a table?

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nojurisdictionhere@reddit

Heyo

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LRS_David@reddit

Are you showing your age?

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jmbpiano@reddit

No, but none of the people they met were interested in a relationship.

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ThePegasi@reddit

I liked the old sysadmjn Haikus thread as some were pretty funny. The classic is: It’s not DNS There’s no way it’s DNS It was DNS And one I came up with during a staffing review: By “redundancy” We don’t mean failover, Steve. We’re letting you go.

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Kindly-Antelope8868@reddit

r/ShittySysadmin

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binky_snoosh@reddit

Why did the chicken click the PowerPoint presentation? To get to the other slide

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LateralLimey@reddit

Have you heard the story of little Bobby tables...

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nickdonz@reddit

why did the developer go broke? used up all the cache 4 engineers get into a car but the car won’t start. the mechanical engineer says it’s a faulty starter. electrical engineer says it’s a dead battery. chemical engineer blames it on impurities in the gas. the IT engineer says “this is going to sound crazy, but let’s all get out of the car and then get back in”

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schism-for-mgmt@reddit

That's worked for me on my 2016 Nissan Leaf. (the 12v battery was going AWOL)

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fresh-dork@reddit

same. turned out that the battery terminal was loose and closing the door shifted it a bit

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themanbornwithin@reddit

"My love for you is like a Microsoft Update. It goes on, and on, and on, and on....."

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tdmsbn@reddit

"hey didn't I just turn that off?"

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Automatic_Mulberry@reddit

Why do programmers dress as Santa for Halloween and carve pumpkins at Christmas? >!Because OCT 31 == DEC 25!<

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cccanterbury@reddit

slow clap

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boblob-law@reddit

Guess I am dumb don't get it.

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ihaxr@reddit

25 in decimal is the same as 31 in octal Octal is base 8, so you only use 0-7 to represent numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10, 11, 12, 13... Where 10 is 8 and 20 is two 8s So oct 30 would be 8+8+8+0 = 24 and oct 31 would be 8+8+8+1=25

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anonymously_ashamed@reddit

>!Octal 31 == decimal 25!<

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Automatic_Mulberry@reddit

>!31 octal is equal to 25 decimal.!<

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boblob-law@reddit

Lol I figured it was something in that ilk just didn't think it through enough.

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ross549@reddit

This is an underrated joke.

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LilMeatBigYeet@reddit

The S in Intune stands for Speed

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InfoAphotic@reddit

User: since there’s spare monitors can I take them home and use them as WFH?

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WMDeception@reddit

Your boss will respect your insight.

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Balasarius@reddit

"How many times did you reboot it?" Iykyk

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narcissisadmin@reddit

*Did you take down the website?* No. *Well Nancy says you did.* Oh, well I mean, yeah. LMAO

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scubajay2001@reddit

You can't have your icons like this - here: *re-sorts Wait now I can't find anything.. What do you mean, it's alphabetical No no no - the company website was at the tip of the penis!

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scubajay2001@reddit

Yeah yeah three times, just like you told me

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mspax@reddit

What was your name again? Chip?

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scubajay2001@reddit

Just read the UDP/TCP joke and I don't know what made me laugh harder, the replies or the fact that like 20 were involved in the "telling" lol

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shrekerecker97@reddit

I talked to a user that had a Pebkac issue

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thereisonlyoneme@reddit

A SQL query walks into a bar and joins two tables.

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flunky_the_majestic@reddit

He called for a UNION and everything froze.

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DataCrumbOps@reddit

Since everything froze, he split the tables.

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Cold-Funny7452@reddit

User: Can you hop on my computer? Me: Let me wipe my feet off first

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Gryyphyn@reddit

I asked my baby what his favorite network protocol is. He replied TCP/IP, but mostly IP.

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voidiciant@reddit

I dont get it :/

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NoTime4YourBullshit@reddit

I pee.

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Cochoz@reddit

Nowww spell ICUP. Do it.

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narcissisadmin@reddit

Look down your shirt and spell attic

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MrJingleJangle@reddit

IT professionals like their partners to be like their systems: highly available.

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lawrencesystems@reddit

Serial jokes must be told bit by bit, NTP jokes are all about the timing, but I really like XML jokes because they are well-formed --- The strange thing about BGP jokes is that they are borderline funny but everybody repeats them anyway. --- The problem with token ring jokes is you need to wait your turn to laugh. --- I would tell you an 802.11 joke but it probably go over your head. --- Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke?

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NoTime4YourBullshit@reddit

This one is dated obviously, but a great pick-up line for a computer guy is: “Hey, baby. Why don’t you come over to MySpace and let me Google all over your Facebook.”

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Cookie_Eater108@reddit

A Networking guy joins the army. At the rifle range, he goes prone, empties his rifle on the target- not a single round hits the target. He reloads his rifle, goes again, not a single round hits. The Range instructor comes over, furious, "What exactly is your malfunction?!" The networking guy thinks. Loads a single round, puts his finger over the barrel and pulls the trigger, blowing the tip of his finger off. "Well clearly sir, the issue is on the receiving end and not the sender's end"

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yawn1337@reddit

r/sysadminhumor

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Zimrino@reddit

IT/Retail joke but POS does NOT stand for "Point of Sale"

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Thats-Not-Rice@reddit

I compromised. All of my firewall rules allowing their egress are prefixed "pointofshitterminal\_egr\_"

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K1LLRK1D@reddit

Cisco Licensing. That’s the joke.

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Eneerge@reddit

Problems I Threading Dont

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flunky_the_majestic@reddit

If this was a networking joke, I'd say you gave it your best effort.

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Ethicstest@reddit

Some people get upset when discussing old hard disk technology and the Master/Slave architecture. When this happens, I substitute the terms Dom/Sub instead and see if they like it any better.

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