Anybody else at this stage and basically alone?

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PayAccomplished1822@reddit

What I'm seeing here is we need a gen x social club and animal emergency network.

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IMBD-Shadow@reddit

That's my thought, too. I'm seriously interested if you'd like a partner to kick it/them off!

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PayAccomplished1822@reddit

I am. Let's do this. GENX lonely hearts friends and animal backup network.

Retired IT engineer of 25 years.

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IMBD-Shadow@reddit

e-learning over 15 years! Check your DM 🙌

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Several-Paint-2207@reddit

I’m sorry for the loss of your pet. I have no doubt you’ll find another incredible companion—one that needs you more than you realize.

There’s nothing wrong with solitude. Though I’m married, we prefer it too, rarely socializing. Instead, we spend our time camping, hiking, biking, and enjoying life with our pack of canines.

I think it’s great that you’re working on a trust and will—it’s such an essential tool to ensure that, when the time comes, everything goes exactly where you intend. Estate planning is sensitive for many, but we’ve always believed that people should have full control over what happens to their assets. A good portion of ours is set aside for our rescue, and our dogs are specifically covered in our trust for their long-term care.

The "drop dead" scenario is definitely trickier, especially if you're remote. We have Alexa and iPhones set up to reach out in case of a major medical event, but like you, if we didn’t speak to or emerge from the house for a week, it wouldn’t be unusual—that’s just how we live. Alexa is programmed to call 911 and our friends if needed, but if we pass in our sleep, well, that’s that.

As for making friends, like I said, we prefer dogs over people every day. People tend to bring unnecessary drama, wasting time on things that don’t really matter. We have one set of core friends, and our family is spread across different states—including our son. They all understand that we avoid crowds and prefer the seclusion of the mountains. That lifestyle comes with its challenges, as you’ve mentioned, but honestly, we’re far happier avoiding the noise and chaos that people tend to bring.

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Fistofpaper@reddit

Not to be flip, but YES. All these things, did I write this OP and forget?

*feels

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Puzzled_Awareness_22@reddit

Same. Got off facebook because it’s full of people I know with huge happy families and constant celebrations and vacations to hear them tell it. Whatever, I’m pretty happy with my small circle and family. Parents and husband dead, one grown child and one brother plus coworkers and 3-4 friends is good enough for me. Plus 4 🐈

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Healthy_Chipmunk2266@reddit

I only have my adult daughter and her kids nearby. She would only notice me being gone because no one to watch the kids or feed her when she's running around. New area, WFH. I don't know a soul.

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Salty_Thing3144@reddit

You're an Elder Orphan. EOs are people who never married or had kids, or are a couple with no supportive family. Try what I did:

3 years ago I bought a house with four other good friends. We don't have other relatives, or close by where anyone can help us. So we made the decision to live out the rest of our lives together.

We jointly own the property and made wills leaving our shares to the surviving roommates. We all hold Power of Attorney for each other, and are listed on health care directives.

The house has an extra bedroom and bathroom so that we can hire a live-in nurse should it become necessary.

The object is to avoid things like conservatorships, public guardians, assisted living and nursing homes.

If you have some good friends, consider this.

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NeitherCatNorFowl@reddit

Amazing. I have a modest number of friends but I'm not sure any if them would agree to this type of arrangement. You are very fortunate. I do joke with a couple of single friends about doing a "Golden Girls."

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IMBD-Shadow@reddit

This was my hope, I just haven't found anyone interested (or in a similar situation/mindset)...but I do hope for something like the Golden Girls for me.

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Daghain@reddit

My friends and I are looking into this!

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nashmom@reddit

This! I would love to build an intentional community with my introverted and extroverted friends. A shared 3rd space for gatherings. No pressure to socialize but opportunities if interested. Low lift exchanges if you will. I think we’d all benefit in some way.

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Salty_Thing3144@reddit

It's worked out very well for us!

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guitar-hoarder@reddit

I'm right there with you. my 19-year-old cat died two years ago, my 21 year-old cat died in November.
I'm not currently working cuz everything sucks. My corpse would be rotting for quite a while before somebody showed up here. My immediate family is almost 700 miles away as well. I have no children, I divorced my wife 13 years ago. I wake up every day at around 4 AM with this swimming in my head.

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PayAccomplished1822@reddit

Disabled guitar hoarder here. Hi friend. 5:30am for me.

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Classic_Director1259@reddit

I’m 45, my parents are with God. I haven’t found my traveling companion YET, but have no kids. My relatives are scattershot across the US but fortunately I have friends and 2 very loving Abyssinians.

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PayAccomplished1822@reddit

Similar. Life partner ahoy? Keep searching and sailing.

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MuricanPoxyCliff@reddit

Disabled and homebound for almost ten years. I'm not alone but have no friends except for a couple of ongoing text relations with former in-person friends. Lots of pets here too.

I kinda hate being around others anymore. Between the pain and other consequences of my ill health, and 57 years of seeing how stupid most people are, I'm absolutely better off in my very small world.

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PayAccomplished1822@reddit

Same. Basically exact same.

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MuricanPoxyCliff@reddit

🤟

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squirrelsrcool9@reddit

I completely understand. I’m an only child & was unable to have kids. I’ve been divorced for nearly 15 years & due to my health issues I have zero interest in dating. It’s basically just me & my mom. My dad lives less than a mile down the road but we have never been close. I’ve lost both of my stepdads, grandfathers, one grandmother to Alzheimer’s & my living grandmother has Alzheimer’s as well. My mom & I recently went on a short vacation & I get so anxious that something will happen to us like a car accident & there will be no one to pick up my animals from the vets.

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SensitiveBag@reddit

I’m in the same situation and honestly the only time it’s been a problem is when I needed to get a ride for a colonoscopy. I do think about the line from Bridget Jones a lot though, “and I’ll be found, three weeks later, half eaten by wild dogs.” 😂

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Bobby_Globule@reddit

Keep doing you.

Keep coming here.

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Sugimon@reddit

I'm with you there buddy! Even being married with a kid, sometimes they are away, and I think damn if I kick off now, it'll be x days before anyone realizes it.

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Electronic-Gap7864@reddit

Get to know your neighbors, like we'll enough so that you can reciprocate helping each other out and like collecting mail and putting out/taking in your trash cans while you're out of town.

In our cul-de-sac, we know all our neighbors quite well. Kind of like the Desperate Housewives show, and we watch out for each other.

A few years ago, one of our neighbors who's widowed passed away alone in their home but no one saw her for a few days and she hadn't collected her mail and put out her trash cans. Another neighbor asked me if I've seen her lately and I said no, so we called her on her phone but no answer, so we called 911 and police got into her home and found her body in the living room.

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Illustrious-Egg-5839@reddit

You’re an introvert. That’s not a bad thing. When it’s our time, it’s our time. Get another pet, but don’t replace your pet. Know what I mean? Don’t think that you have to leave something behind to feel that your life meant something. Actually, leaving nothing behind means you lived your life to the fullest.

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PaulasBoutique88@reddit

And make sure your last check bounces 😆

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Funny_Leg8273@reddit

I hope it's for my student loan.

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Human-Piglet-5450@reddit

Yup

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GuitarHeroInMyHead@reddit

Being an introvert does not mean you want to be completely alone in life all the time. Introvert means you recharge from being alone time. Wanting to be separated from people all the time or as much as possible is a bit more problematic and I would recommend getting some assistance with that..

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jlhinthecountry@reddit

At my age, I adopt senior pets from the shelter. They are always so grateful! I’ve made contingency plans for them when I die.

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guitar-hoarder@reddit

How do you deal with the constant death? Not to mention the cost of the expensive vet bills.

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Good_morning99@reddit

We only rescue senior dogs and enjoy their silliness without having to keep them busy all the time. So far we’ve only had one that caused us big hill and it was because he was a hooligan and ate a fat toy that got stuck 🙁. They’re never in the shelters because of their own fault - it’s because their owners sucked.

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Certain_Ad_6195@reddit

You accept when you get them that their time is limited, and you do what you can to make every day a good one.

…and you cry. You cry a lot, but old animals are good teachers, when it comes to coping with death.

Money-wise, most palliative care isn’t really tremendously expensive, especially if you’re willing to do IVs and injections at home.

Some rescues have a hospice-foster system where they place elderly and disabled animals in homes, but still cover basic vet care.

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jlhinthecountry@reddit

Yes to all of this! I’m willing to do whatever needs to be done to make their last months or years wonderful.Every pet deserves to pass on surrounded by love. When one of my babies pass over the rainbow bridge, I know that he or she will send me another to love.

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AERogers70@reddit

Love you for this!

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jlhinthecountry@reddit

You’re very sweet!

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_higgs_@reddit

What contingencies? I’ve been trying to figure this out myself.

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bythebed@reddit

My 80 year old mom lost her constant companion dog last year. She’s really stoic and didn’t tell me for weeks (likely so she could hold it together). She is hesitant bc of her age, so my wife and I promised her and her husband if something happened or it was needed we would take any dog she got.

She still hasn’t but it gave her the option.

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jlhinthecountry@reddit

I asked my family … I have a daughter and 7 nieces and nephews who all said they’d be happy to take them. My friend, whose family is not as big as mine, made plans with a rescue. She made an amendment to her will to donate “x” amount to the rescue. I hope this helps!

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_higgs_@reddit

Thanks. It does.

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Daghain@reddit

This! Literally the ONLY caveat in my will is who gets the pets, because we've talked about it and she knows what to do. Everything else...who cares? I'm dead. Just cremate me and scatter me somewhere.

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Taylortrips@reddit

Thank you, kind human.

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nikko1212@reddit

Just awesome 💕

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JCNunny@reddit

I love this

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Painting_Logical@reddit

Some new pet will find you against your wishes. As much as you loved your last pet and don’t want to lose another one, they find you again. It’s a life of service to the distribution system.

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dazylynn@reddit

I volunteered for a rescue org... 🫢 😺🐱😸😽🐕

They definitely find you.

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Daghain@reddit

I've been bitten by the distribution system more than once...

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therightansweristaco@reddit

This is a fantastic way of looking at life. I will benefit from these words and I appreciate that. Take my upvote and my thanks!

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Disastrous_Street_20@reddit

This is a great reply.

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HotSmoke2639@reddit

Huh. Are you me? My sister is a little further though. 900 miles away.

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mrcranky@reddit

I feel you, man.

I’m 57. Of my five close friends growing up, two died of cancer at 33 and 44, one died in a plane crash at 40, one moved away years ago and one went crazy and then moved away too.

I am married and I cherish that relationship, but I have no close friends anymore. I’m also now extremely hard of hearing so socializing is hard and meeting people is also hard.

Not sure what I’m getting at OP, other than you’re not alone feeling like that.

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le4t@reddit

If it's at all an option for you, hearing aids are getting better all the time.

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/why-hearing-loss-may-raise-your-risk-of-dementia

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mrcranky@reddit

Thanks for that. I do use hearing aids. Without them I would probably not be able to work. However they don’t help me in a crowd or noisy social situation.

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billyrayvalentine1@reddit

I don’t know your budget or what level of hearing loss, but I recently got an updated pair with an app that I can use to switch modes of the hearing aids. Makes loud social situations immeasurably better. Some of the brand new ones are ai equipped and will do shift modes automatically

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Kangaruex4Ewe@reddit

I feel this in my bones. Hearing loss since I was at a child that just kept increasing with age. By the time COVID hit and people were wearing masks I went damn near deaf. I did not realize how much I had been relying on lips until then.

Hearing aides are a life saver. I wouldn’t be able to work without them either. People don’t understand that in different situations hearing aides can actually make it almost as hard to hear as without.

You get tired of saying huh all the time so you just start excluding yourself more and more. It’s not a good thing to do but?

Good luck to you. Just wanted to let you know someone else understands.

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NVJAC@reddit

Pretty much in the same boat. I'm 51, never married, no kids, live 3 time zones away from my dad and sisters.

I have a text chain going with an old friend group that probably would notice if I stopped sending messages, but that's about it.

I'm OK with that though. To borrow the line from Barfly, "I don't hate people. I just feel better when they're not around."

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guitar-hoarder@reddit

Love that you brought up that movie. "To all my friends!"

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diablodos@reddit

I was gonna say that. My high school yearbook quote.

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pchandler45@reddit

I've been alone most of my adult life, at this point I have no living relatives that I talk to and only one friend.

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newwriter365@reddit

I lost a cousin last month, he was ten years younger than me. The family didn’t find out for two days. It messed them up, as one would expect.

I lost my SO five years ago in June, it was at least three days before his situation was discovered. (We were in a LDR, I was 1200 miles away). It took a lot of therapy to get through the grief and sense of hopelessness.

Please create a “Daily check in” for peace of mind. It’s ok if you don’t do it for yourself, but rather for someone else.

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Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit

Follow up question for OP and others:

are you cool with being alone but feel like you should be around other people because of ingrained societal stigma against alone people (or for some other reason)?
Or do you yearn to be with other people but don't know how?
Or some combination of one and two?

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Magik160@reddit (OP)

I have been on my own for so long, anybody else would be an intruder in the house.

I am completely socially inept. Decades of living alone with no real ties. And then 5 years of work from home. Only people I see are when I go to the store or my tattoo artist. And being socially awkward and introverted since childhood

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zeldasusername@reddit

Hell I think OP sounds cool

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Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit

You didn't ask for advice but I am a busybody by nature so I will offer some anyway.

If you have even a remote interest in social issues, volunteer in some capacity for your local (municipal) elections.

I know that politics are not allowed in this sub so I am not saying HOW you should volunteer (although I would if I could lol).

But in my experience, volunteering for local elections -- either on a campaign, for a ballot question, collecting signatures, or as a polling station worker -- will put you in regular contact with an incredibly diverse group of super passionate, really nice, very accepting, and usually pretty eccentric people who will become your friends.

You will have a lot to talk about with your fellow volunteers because local elections are always full of drama and intrigue.

If you end up having younger millennial or older genz friends you will be delighted to discover that you can sit in proximity to them and never say a word, never make eye contact, or even just stare at your phone the entire time. They won't judge you and they will still consider you part of the crew. The younger generations are very accepting of neurodivergance.

Older people who have spent their adult lives volunteering for local elections have seen so much weird behavior that they are immune to it all. You can be yourself around them.

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fnnkybutt@reddit

The younger generations are very accepting of neurodivergance

This is so true! Im driving Uber in a college town, and I've never felt as comfortable talking to people as I do to the Gen Zs that ride in my car.

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secret_someones@reddit

I love this, actual, advice.

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Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit

This is something I learned by accident and was like "who knew?" Now wherever I go in my city I run into someone I know and the ages range from teen to nearly dead.

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Other_Peanut2910@reddit

Love that you’re at the tattoo artist, my Osteo is the one I chat with most, I’m def. not as cool as you. I moved countries, moved states, never married, no kids, parents long gone, only brother estranged. Have become socially isolated after combined health stuff and my choices to let most people go. I feel like I am finally connecting to who I truly am, first and foremost an introvert, happy with my own company, love my art and at some point I’ll possibly get some more friends. But I feel like it’ll all be ok and if it’s not that’s ok too.

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Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit

What about seeing people in a third space, like at a show?

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Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit

You can blame Shakespeare for number one. He invented the word lonely. If it wasn't for him you'd be alone and cool with it.

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44ariah44@reddit

Yes. I'm also 53. Condolences on the loss of your pet. I have given away loads of stuff. I thought about how it would be my brother who would have to sort out my stuff if something happened to me. I have no close friends who would notice. I never married or had kids. I feel like I see now belatedly why people put so much into finding a life partner. I thought I was ok on my own until a year or two ago.

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GrandmaTulsa@reddit

If you're worried about a medical issue or an accident, get one of those buttons that you press and it notifies them that you need help. My sister has one and it works great. And, gives her and me peace of mind. I live several states away, so getting there quickly is not an option. Once when her phone wasn't charged the very kind operator patched her through to talk with me.

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Untermensch13@reddit

I'm approaching 60. A few years ago, I moved halfway across the country (to Texas). I don't know a soul here. I was never close to my family, and had acquaintances but few friends growing up. I may be a tad autistic. Anyways, I know that when I conk out nobody will mourn me. But I will be dead so no worries! Seriously, I often feel like I am on the wrong planet. I'm friendly but distant with the ppl in my frankly shabby apt bldg. I don't have a pet (can barely clean up after myself). What do I live for? Well, I still like to read and learn. I root for the Yankees and Ravens. And I watch a good movie every night. So I suppose I shouldn't complain. Some of my ancestors were slaves, and I don't want to disrespect what they went through by whining about my relatively good fortune. Anyways, I hope you all have a decent night and may the odds be in y'all's favor!

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Sea_N_Sun@reddit

❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Short_Advance_7843@reddit

Your slave observation...we all don't appreciate how amazing we had it compared to everyone in the past. Just one little thing of our modern life, like our beds, our tvs, a restaurant, would have made their lives amazing. They were scared, exhausted, hungry, freezing all of the time.

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VE3VNA@reddit

You are not alone. I have no family (mom, dad, or siblings), kids, spouse, close friends.

By best friends were (are) my cats and have lost some good ones.

I got hit by a car a couple months ago and the driver called an ambulance. In the ambulance they asked if there is someone they can call... Ya, my boss, guess I'm not working tomorrow.

I have a good job but I hate it, what I like to do for a living I can't actually make a living doing (bicycle mechanic).

I cant stand the city I live in nor the province but difficult to move away due to "good job" in industry that only really exists in this city.

Me and my sightless cat are all I care about. I try to get out in nature and inject some meaning but it's difficult at best.

Thank you for this post as I've found writing this somewhat cathartic.

Cheers

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neverstoppedtrying@reddit

I’m all alone too. No more close friends. Just alone. Quit drinking, don’t do drugs, just go to work, come home, hang out alone, or with my Mom and Dad. I have acquaintances I sometimes see. I have a brother who has a wife and kids I sometimes see. My life has turned onto a lonely road. Maybe the future will have some company, but not right now. Thats ok. I guess. I feel yah though. Suppose you’re not alone… there’s a lot of us all alone. Lol.

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Most_Routine2325@reddit

Really, alone-ness is the one thing we all have in common.

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412_15101@reddit

I honestly found a friend group by going to the same Starbucks every day. We realized we were all there at the same time just relaxing and boom we were all having a group conversation.

Until I moved I knew when I went in I’d find someone to chat with. Don’t have anyone’s phone numbers or anything but was nice knowing other people existed for me.

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hustlors@reddit

Noone would notice if I dropped dead except the campground host when it is time for me to check out. It's strangely comforting.

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meipsus@reddit

A friend of mine, who was 81 years old and lived alone, fell down on Easter Sunday and couldn't get up. Three days later, a friend of his paid him a visit, and found him on the floor. He was taken to the hospital, but didn't resist and died on Easter Monday, just in time to take advantage that St. Peter would be busy receiving Pope Francis and slip in unnoticed...

I am a retired forensic tech. I saw many cases like that. Try to make a few "dead man's switches": people whom you call every day, or something like that, so that if you don't, someone will check whether you are OK. Give a neighbor a copy of your key, and give the people you call often and will miss you his contact.

In my case, my children live in other states. I prepared everything to make my elder son's life easier when I pass, after I had a very bad heart attack (my second) last year: a testament, life insurance that will give him enough money for the bureaucracy and taxes, a funeral plan so that he is not taken advantage of, and so on. I will soon give my children the ownership of the farm I live on, so that when I die, it's already theirs and they don't need to deal with taxes and bureaucracy to have the title to the land. In my testament, I gave my daughter-in-law (and best student) the publishing rights for my books, articles, and manuscripts, so that it is all in one hand, and the hand of someone who knows my work well. And so on. Everything I can do to make it easier for my children.

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NeitherCatNorFowl@reddit

I check in daily with the Snug app. If I don't respond to the Snug app message at my selected check in time, a text message will be sent to two cat friends. This is my fail safe for my cat.

My mom checks in with me every morning with an emoji.

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Daghain@reddit

Tell me more about this app.

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NeitherCatNorFowl@reddit

Not sure I can leave site here. Don't want to be accused of shilling. Just Google Snug app. The basic features are free and premium features are fee based. I find the free version is perfectly fine for my purposes.

In the app I set a daily check in time. Say 11am. I also select the number of notifications. I selected app notifications for 3 hours, 1 hour, 2 minutes before and 2 minutes after 11. Anytime I check in before 11 or 2 minutes after, I'm good for the day and repeat daily. If I don't check in, a text message will be sent to my two friends informing them I did not check in. I'm not sure how many phone numbers can be included but it's at least two.

I've told my friends about the app of course. I asked them to to reach out to me in case I'm busy or distracted and forgot to check in. If all else fails, come to my place. They have key and fob to my place.

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Daghain@reddit

I like this. I am, however, notorious for ignoring things like this so maybe I'll revisit in 10 years.

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Daghain@reddit

My mother and her favorite sister had a "10am phone call" rule. They lived in the same trailer park. If one of them didn't call the other by 10am they went and checked. My mom found her sister dead of a heart attack but at least she found her.

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IHadTacosYesterday@reddit

I am a retired forensic tech. I saw many cases like that. Try to make a few "dead man's switches": people whom you call every day, or something like that, so that if you don't, someone will check whether you are OK. Give a neighbor a copy of your key, and give the people you call often and will miss you his contact.

Why care about this if you're dead?

I mean, I know it's embarrassing for somebody to find your body because of the stench of your rotting corpse, but in the long run.... who really cares? You're either partying it up in heaven or hell, or you're experiencing an eternal sleep

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tenthcat@reddit

His friend didn't fall down and die, though. He was on the floor, alive, for 3 days before he was found. THAT'S the nightmare.

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D05wtt@reddit

Something similar happened to my uncle. My mother’s youngest sibling and only brother lived in a house that their sister left to him when she died. He stopped working after she died and it was left to my Mom to take care of him for the rest of his life (several decades). My Mom bought his necessities and sometimes even paid his bills for decades. She used to visit him once a week when she dumped off the groceries. Long story short, one day she came in to drop off the groceries for the week and found him on the ground lying there. Later it was found out that he had a minor stroke and couldn’t move and laid there for a couple days when we found him. Ended up in assisted living for the rest of his life which wasn’t that long. My mom still visited him once a week until the end.

My mom was the middle kid of 5. The most ignored by her parents. Treated like shit (imo) by her parents and siblings. But in the end, she outlived everyone by decades, by far the healthiest and wealthiest (through hard work), and the most caring devoted family member even though they didn’t deserve her loyalty. My grandfather died of a heart attack in his 50s. I never met him. My grandmother had Parkinson’s. The oldest sibling died of brain cancer 20 years ago. The 2nd sibling died in her youth of tuberculosis. The younger sister…breast cancer that spread to the rest of her organs. And the brother…well you know. My mom is now 92yo and still active and relatively healthy. Karma is a bitch.

Anyway, the point of this is my uncle was basically alone, even though my mom was there for him. Never married. No kids. No friends. Stopped going to church when my aunt died. Even the church gave up on him and stopped contacting him. And he was pretty much a recluse. Antisocial. My mom was probably the only one who talked to him for his last 25 years. Slept all day. Slept all night. Your life is what you make it out to be. You can either put in the time and effort to keep friends and relationships with family or you can die alone at home or in an assisted living facility.

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Xo-Mo@reddit

For over 15 years now, I have been utterly alone. No friends, no relationships. Just me... (Not counting my 2 cats)

I have 1 neighbor with whom I speak about twice a month or so... Otherwise, it's just me.

If I get sick, it's on me. I have no medical insurance, so... I have to keep myself from getting sick or suffer through it at home, alone.

If I get terminally ill from anything, I will hope my 1 neighbor will take care of my cats. Otherwise, that's all folks.

Family is 200+ miles away. None know my home address. None answer the phone if I try to call. Once a month or so, my mom may (or may not) call me to whine about politics, religion, or family drama that in no way concerns me and only serves to aggravate the hell out of me. But I put the phone on speaker and let her vent while I do other things. Like scoop the litter, wash dishes, or play online games.

I'm alone. I'm lonely. But that's normal for me. I've never been a go-0getter who heads out to bars or social events to... *shudder* get to know other people... *retching*

Anti-social? Social anxiety? Bi-Polar survivor of physical and mental abuse? Yeah... But I get by. I make ends meet and keep going along.

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BenefitAdvanced@reddit

Did you have some kind of falling out with your family?

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Xo-Mo@reddit

My hometown is a black hole of traps, sucking everyone in, never letting them go. If you have enough money or someone outside the town to help you out, you need to take that had and money and run as fast and far as you can, or spend perpetuity stuck in a rut of apathy, joblessness, and poverty.

I was lucky enough to escape.

My family remains there, broke, broken, bent in half by the lack of opportunity.

I am also allergic to tobacco. They all smoke.

There's a lot more to it, but that's a clear and definite wall between us.

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implementor@reddit

This is the result of "living your best life" instead of having kids, raising a family, etc. A lot of young people are choosing this now, and have no understanding of what it will mean later on in their lives. Not saying that's your particular situation, but it's really common, especially in the later generations, and I think it's going to come back to haunt them.

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TheRealBlueJade@reddit

What you are experiencing is related to Erikson's 7 stage of psychosocial development. It is quite normal and something everyone experiences and must work through.

Stage 7: Generativity vs. Stagnation (Middle Adulthood, 30-64)

Middle adulthood emphasizes contributing to society and future generations (for example, via work and/or parenting…or social work!). Those who find purpose in their endeavors experience generativity. Unfulfilled aspirations or perceived lack of impact can lead to feelings of disappointment and dissatisfaction (aka stagnation.

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Ok-Sprinklez@reddit

I've been thinking about these developmental stages lately and wonder where I'm at. Definitely in a transitional phase and dreading/excited about the next phase, but also feeling all kinds of grief with what I'm leaving behind. It always seemed like we had forever. It's a strange, new feeling

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Daghain@reddit

Some days having more days behind you than ahead of you can be depressing.

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Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit

Extrapolating from this that the key to middle-aged happiness is effective contribution to the happiness and well-being of others?

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Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit

This is enlightening, thank you

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beerandmastiffs@reddit

God, I feel like I’ve been in stagnation forever.

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brassmagifyingglass@reddit

I think I'm the coach for the stagnation team x.

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Trotter-x@reddit

I feel for you. Had I not married I would be in the same shape. Thankfully I'm not in that position. Close friends? No. But I have a wife who is there for me just as I am there for her. I seriously doubt either of us could count on our daughter, though.

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BenefitAdvanced@reddit

54 here, no kids never married, extrovert, very outgoing grew up surrounded by people. I had a lot of extended family then a couple years ago it hit me everyone’s dead and my world has shrunk. My problem is all my friends have left the state or the US altogether. It started before covid but then after covid it was just a mass friend exodus. So i have plenty of people to visit and have fun with if I want to jump on a plane and travel, but making new friends locally at this age has been tough. I’ve done the meetup stuff and thats fine for some human interaction but doesn’t seem to lead to real friendships.

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Abaconings@reddit

Im 53 and divorced. I don't have any close friends in town. My kid will be heading to college in a year. Then it will be just me and my dogs.

It feels like it's more difficult to meet new people. I work from home and don't really go do anything bc Im tired of going to everything alone. I've joined social groups but it always seems like everyone else in the social groups joined with friends. So I was still doing everything alone.

I get what you mean. I've also started cleaning out clutter and thinking about end of life plans.

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Daghain@reddit

My husband died when I was 32 and I had this epiphany that if I waiting for someone to do something with, I'd never leave the house.

To be fair, I've always been an introvert and had not problem going to the movies or the bar for lunch alone so it wasn't horrible for me but I did have a few weeks there where I wasn't sure what to do with myself.

Just go do stuff. You will meet people.

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honey-squirrel@reddit

If there's a dog park near you, it might be worthwhile to start going at a regular time. You will soon make other dog loving friends.

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TallGirlzRock@reddit

I’m so sorry you lost your sweet fur baby. I’ve been there. Very dark thoughts myself. I promise that you need some time. Time is truly needed to grieve your loss. Maybe volunteer at an animal shelter with your extra time. I met a spouse that way. And you will know when you are ready for a new companion. My thoughts are with you.

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Daghain@reddit

Well, how timely.

I legit JUST finalized my will yesterday. My attorney is my POA for EVERYTHING. I'm estranged from all but one person in my family and she lives overseas so it's impractical for her to execute my will and I wouldn't ask.

Honestly, I'm fine with it. My friends will get some cash to go have a nice meal upon my death and...I'm dead. I don't GAF. It is what it is.

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Exact-Delay7449@reddit

I downloaded the app Snug. I have to check in every morning by a set time (11am) and if I don't a casual friend in my building gets a text to check on me so I don't rot and have my cats eat my face off. I'm 55 with a 15 year old, they would get notified too... but Lord I wouldn't want them coming home from a wknd at their dad's and finding me dead... I don't have family that I talk to, my father will spend everything from his reverse mortgage since my mom passed, so won't likely get anything there... so I'm hoping I just drop dead one day around 70 so I don't burden my 30 year old child who is going to have a hard enough time in life being transgender with no financial help from me...

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ChewyRib@reddit

I live alone, no kids or wife. My twin is about two hours away and he is the one I visit along with my niece and nephew

I don wonder what would happen if I had chest pain or fell. Maybe one day I will need one of those home monitor necklaces to push a button for help

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MrMudgett@reddit

Circumstances had me move across country years ago, leaving behind everything I’d grown up with and everyone I knew. No regrets, just life happening.

I never had kids. My family is very toxic and dysfunctional so they’ve been long gone. I’ve had many dates and several LTR but nothing has lasted, and recent dating has been tough to nonexistent. I’ve one close friend who lives thousands of miles away, and life being what it is we don’t talk as much as we’d like and see one another even less. I used to be very extraverted, lots of friends etc, these days it’s just me and the cat.

I understand how you feel. I’m at that point in life where people I’ve known are starting to die, and that’s only going to be more and more as time goes on. I’ve had health issues catch up with me recently, and ever since the pandemic I’ve been hit in the face with my own morality again and again.

It’s disturbing to feel like I could just be gone one day and unnoticed by the world at large. No legacy. No memory of me. No one to talk about me when I’m no longer there. Only a few scant items and images to show I even existed on this planet at all.

😖

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SocalR32@reddit

Volunteer doing something you like? They want your time, plenty of non social roles im sure. Just something to get some little social habit where they actually might notice you not showing up....

Otherwise you are correct.... You don't want to be found because the mail man notices it stinks and your mail is piling up...

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MutedLandscape4648@reddit

You make your choices. If you aren’t trying to be a part of a community then of course no one knows you. Go volunteer or something.

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Quick-Oil-5259@reddit

Easy to say though, difficult to do. My dad died in November (he was a wartime baby, born before the boomers) but suffered from crippling depression and anxiety all his life. Then a lifetime of working in the shipyards caught up with him and he was immobile for the last ten to fifteen years of his life. Tried to get him into hobbies and activities where you meet people but he couldn’t overcome it.

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Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit

It's also really difficult for older people who are non neurotypical. Our generation was not kind to those who were different or those who struggled. As evidenced by this comment.

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newishDomnewersub@reddit

I was before I actively tried to change it. It takes effort to invest in friends and put yourself out there. But its possible even in your 40s and 50s

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Gypsy_soul444@reddit

One small thing you can do is get the Snug app and check in once a day. If you don’t check in by a certain time, it will text a person of your choosing. It’s free and for people who live alone.

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NeitherCatNorFowl@reddit

Yep, recently discovered it. I primarily use it so my cats will be cared for by my friends/catsitters.

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Carlentini1919@reddit

Right there too. 53, divorced nearly 20 years ago. No kids except furry ones. My parents are both gone as is most of my extended family. I worry less for me if something happens and more about my dogs. Well dog, but I just arranged to adopt 2 of my foster dogs. Been thinking about setting up one of those ‘dead man’ switches one commenter talked about. Just to make sure the dogs get cared for asap. I’m about to retire and hope to really do some good with lots of volunteering and feeling like I’m making a difference.

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NeitherCatNorFowl@reddit

I have 2 cats and I used to use the kitestring site as as Deadman switch. But the site closed down. Recently I discovered the Snug app, which is intended for seniors. Again, Deadman switch concept. If I do not check in the morning, my two friends/catsitters receive a text message. They each have a key to my place.

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NeedleworkerLow1100@reddit

I think this is why older folks tend to go to Synagogue, Church, Mosque more so than younger folk.

A need to feel connected to something, even if its just for potluck after services.

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Fritz5678@reddit

When my grandfather was widowed, he went back to church on Sundays. Also, he had various breakfast spots around town that the other widowed men gathered at.

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what-the-what24@reddit

You’re not alone. I’m 55 and am retiring after nearly 29 years with the same company. My last day is Friday June 6. My manager is pushing me to have a retirement party. Most of the people who I’ve worked closely with over the years have left the company ages ago. There are only a handful of people who are still here who I would consider inviting to a party - none of whom I have socialized with outside of work. I talk to my parents once a week and my sister once a week. I text a friend from high school every few weeks. I go to book club once a month. That’s my social life. If something happened to me and my husband or daughter weren’t around, it could take weeks for someone to find my body.

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OccamsYoyo@reddit

I’m scared of the same thing. I’m pretty comfortable with being alone and friends and family check in with me regularly through messaging and phone. But if my life counted on someone actually physically being there, I would be a rotted corpse by the time someone actually discovered me.

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LDawnBurges@reddit

Pretty much the same. I’m married, but he’s very ill and not likely to outlive me. I’m a solitary person, not really close to anyone, other than Hubby. No real friends. I do a Gig job, so no ‘employer’ either.

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HoopoeBirdie@reddit

I know how you feel even though I’m 49. I just made a plan this morning to do a whole Swedish death cleaning thing on myself, just to feel lighter I guess. I have a 15 year old dog I adore, but I know I’ll be obliterated once she goes, so I did get a ‘back up’ dog, who I now also adore. Only child here too, and my maternal cousins don’t give a shit, and dad’s side is extinct at this point (not that it’s a bad thing 🤭).

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NathanBrazil2@reddit

its not too late, if you are lonely, go out and find someone. it will be easier at 53 than 63. there are plenty of divorced women/men with grown kids in the 50 plus age group. someone to go have dinner with, see a movie, walk on the beach, see a concert, watch a play, watch a good netflix movie, etc.

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Formal_Plum_2285@reddit

Yeah I’m there with you. 50 years old, no significant other, no kids, both parents recently passed and my 19 year old cat died. I try to not let it get to me. I know I’m loved by friends and coworkers, but I also know I’m not loved enough

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WaltersRedditt@reddit

This one hit. Feel very similar.

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Weird-Ad7562@reddit

I am having my 2nd childhood. The first one was stolen by a predator. This one is mine for as long as I can keep it. Bike, walk, and learn about whatever I want. I'm not missing it this time.

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MooseBlazer@reddit

This is kind of a depressing post reading other people’s comments. It looks like there’s some depressed people here.

This is not something that is normal just because we’re between 50 and 60.

Everyone needs some sort reason to get up in the morning - at least weekends to do something you wanna do or see somebody you wanna see.

Pets die, spouses can divorce you, but some hobbies can be forever. And hobbies are a good way to make friends.

I have way too many interest to actually dive into in one lifetime, if I worked more than 40 hours a week, I would be screwed. So that’s why I refuse to work more than 40 hours a week.

A lot of us can’t do what we could do when we were younger, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other things we can do. And there is always volunteering.

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Fetch1965@reddit

Yeah I am shocked at this post and I agree i think there’s more depressed people because they don’t want to venture out. Using introvert as an excuse.

Life is for living. And it can be done on the cheap.

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EpponneeRay@reddit

Lean into it and just enjoy your life. My husband died 10 years ago, I’m 53 also and I just love time to myself and doing what I want. Lean into it.

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pricklypineappledick@reddit

This is your life. If you have a vision of even the slightest thing to be different, there is a path to do that.

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17megahertz@reddit

I could have written much of this myself, OP. Same reality. Too tired to write more at the moment, but I get it. You're not the only one.

Wonder if it might be useful to start a daily morning text with your sister; just a quick good morning, as a "proof of life," so to speak, to have a safety check-in.

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soopirV@reddit

My world has gotten substantially smaller after my divorce 7 or 8 years ago. I let that happen- I focused on my career and my kids, let friendships lapse. Now, I look back at my 20+ year career and realize I’ve got nothing much to show for it, so I decided to make a change- im unemployed this week for the first time since I was 15, and on Friday I start my new gig by hopping a flight to Finland. This time I’m focused on myself, and I’m going to say “yes” to social commitments.

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Anxious_Hunter_4015@reddit

Yes, and I realised a few weeks ago if I died I wouldn't be discovered for weeks... or months!

Maybe someone from church would eventually knock on my door? But then, if I didn't answer they'd probably assume I was away, they know I like to travel.

I have no one. My closest friend isn't close anymore. If I didn't answer his message he'd let it go.

My daughter refuses to acknowledge my existence after I called out her partner for DV...she was my only family.

Work, I'm on medical leave for another 12 months (was only working one shift a week anyway, hard to make connections).

Think I'll mention to someone at church if I don't respond, somethings wrong.

Im an introvert and an expert at keeping people at arms length. Years of trauma changes a person.

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jbasurfstar@reddit

Hang in there. Sounds a little like depression. But I get it. My 2 cents: Smoke a doobie and watch a dumb movie. If that’s not your thing - maybe it’s time for it to be.

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le4t@reddit

Or a documentary

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Insightseekertoo@reddit

Aww man.. I'm sorry. That has to be a hell of a situation. It must be like standing on a precipice and looking into the void.

Here is the thing. Yes, we've lived more life than we will live, probably. However, if you harness all the knowledge you've gained, you can still "contribute a verse to the powerful play of life" M. KEATING. I still have more to say. I've started writing. We'll see how it comes out.

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fusepark@reddit

Same. 57, taking care of my mother and an aunt, only GenX in the neighborhood. Family thousands of miles away. Travel with my mom to see them enough we can't have pets. Just... how it is.

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Heli7373@reddit

I’m in the same position as you, even my dog died 6 months ago. I don’t worry about death, if I’m dead it’s not really my problem to deal with. The only thing I’m worried about is living too long and being unable to take care of myself.

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Sea_Brush4156@reddit

Same here. No spouse, no kids, and down to just my mother. That's how it goes. Get a couple of cats and spoil them rotten, lol.

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bullgod55435@reddit

Damn. I’m sorry y’all. I have a wife, kids moved away but we talk to them daily. Never moved from my hometown of Houston so lots of friends, family, etc. If you like the solitude of the existence you’re living, then I say find someone who can at least check on you periodically…like maybe once a week check in with a sibling, parent, or other. I couldn’t live that way. I’ve gotta be near my people. I turned down a big money job to relocate to the east coast to stay with these people. It was worth it to me!

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ControlledVoltage@reddit

Interesting short thread. About a GenX er losing family but now close friends. Sums this up.

Funeral Bullshit thread about GenX er losing family.

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starsblink@reddit

Kinda same. I remember when I had covid before covid was a thing, I was laying in bed and felt like I was drowning. I looked at my dog, knowing it would be days before anyone missed me -and told him its okay if he needs to eat me.

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DisastrousAd9267@reddit

I’m in the same situation - 56, never married, no kids, and an extreme introvert.

My parents are still alive but in their 80s, so I’m bracing myself for their passing. Both my sisters and their families live on the opposite coast. I’ve lost touch with most of my friends because I’m so bad about making the effort to reach out (and sometimes even replying to texts or calls feels like a monumental task).

I think when my parents are gone I’ll have to set up some sort of lifeline with my sisters — I have dogs and I worry about them if something happened to me.

I have to say that it makes me feel a little less alone to know there are a lot of Gen Xers in the same place right now!

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Centauri1000@reddit

I mean if you like living enough to want to be resuscitated if you had a HA, I guess you could get a Life Alert bracelet.

I wouldn't just because I don't really want to go thru all that. Especially since then the rest of your life is just gonna be constant worry about a repeat, meds , and a constant decline in quality of life.

I'd rather just check out and be done.

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FlySilently@reddit

If SUPER concerned about not being discovered after being incapacitated (or dead!) LifeLine and similar services typically will offer a wellness check service. I’m sure most in our generation feel they are too young to be considering stuff like LifeLine, but if you are having concerns… there are things you can do to help yourself. You likely wouldn’t need to wear a call bell (huge stigma) if all you wanted is a wellness check, although have never looked into this possibility. If wanting a call bell, they are available with GPS/cell for community mobility as well as automatic fall detection so will go off even if incapacitated.

Even my 80+ year old clients are typically resistant. Again… stigma. But I give an example of my getting a call from LifeLine at work dad had taken a fall, was OK, mom had gotten him up into a chair, I was OK to stay at work, maybe just drop by the house on my way home. Worth the money (and I totally understand this can be a barrier) for peace of mind of EVERYONE (don’t see why that couldn’t include the self) involved.

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shedwyn2019@reddit

Yes.

Moved in with a friend and her daughter because the idea of dying alone terrifies me. I have decided I will want to live alone again, but want to live near a good friend, same city or at least easy (under 2hr) driving distance.

Making new friends is hard. As I know I will be moving again, it seems a lot of work when I will be leaving again in a 2-3 years. I get lonely and am severely hug deprived (I love hugs and physical touch) because my housemates are NOT huggers.

My sister lives in Las Vegas - a place I will NEVER live for so many reasons - and my parents are gone. My friends live all over the place, mostly in too expensive places. My sister and I can only agree on one place we’d both live and San Diego is in no way affordable!

It is hard. I am going to try to end up in a safe place where I am at least not completely isolated.

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Healthy-Grape-777@reddit

You could try regular massage for the physical contact

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Working_Park4342@reddit

Live alone. WFH. Only living relative is 1,000 miles away. I want to move to his town and get to know him, but I can't afford it. We don't talk much. Only my employer would notice if I didn't show up for work.

We're supposed to work to live, but our lives revolve so much around work that we never actually live life.

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JCNunny@reddit

Yeah bud. I have a dog and two cats. 80 year old parents and one brother that aren't really around. My boomer creepy nosy neighbor would be the first to notice if I wasn't around.

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atx78701@reddit

I married a woman that forces us to be social and I have three kids. But if I was single with no kids I would absolutely live like you.

The reality is none of us matter. In two generations no one will know who we were.

Even the most famous people in the world when we were growing up are barely known now.

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Veesel79@reddit

Yea definitely. Dad passed away little while ago and he was my best friend, kids are all pretty much grown up. Sorta feel like ok what’s left what’s the point

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beermaker@reddit

My wife and I met later in life... 48 and 39 respectively. We've curated a social circle that spans the country. Not a lot of people, but very meaningful relationships.

She's got a terminal illness with 5-10 years left with current medical advancements, so we're both essentially retired while arranging our lives to the circumstances. Doctor told her it's time for her to start making memories so that's what we're doing. We have a couple perpetually set-up guest rooms for the people in our lives who want to visit a gorgeous part of the country and have some laughs. It's been so good for our outlook and mental health to share time with our friends, and really cathartic for both of us the more we talk about her illness with loved ones.

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Divtos@reddit

Go adopt a dog.

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xenya@reddit

I'm in the same boat. Wish we could make a lonely hearts Gen X club.

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MaximumJones@reddit

We joke a lot about how exhausting other people are but it is a joke

If you do not want to be alone then get out there and socialize, make friends, find a spouse or partner.

You get what you give.

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Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit

Cults!

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BehavioralSink@reddit

Honestly, from everything I’ve read or more recently from the podcasts I’ve listened to, it’s probably far better to just start your own cult than join an existing one. Although the endings of the cult don’t always go well for the leader of a cult, far better to reap the benefits of the cult as the leader than being one of the devout followers.

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Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit

You want to get in on the sex phase of the cult but leave before the farming phase

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The_Real_Fufishiswaz@reddit

I'm listening...

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MaximumJones@reddit

Aren't all my examples synonymous? 😁

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Prestigious_Stay7162@reddit

Big lolz

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Goodmourning504@reddit

!!!

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FullMoonVoodoo@reddit

And a massive wealth of fucking scams to wade through

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Fistofpaper@reddit

It's weird to even think about it. I know some people would charge out there and make closer ties. Im not one of them.

I'm not sure lifting their emotions up by their bootstraps is something everyone is equipped or able to do.

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MuricanPoxyCliff@reddit

Time for a new cat

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DaniiMinoguh@reddit

In December my vet told me that my dog was getting old and I should prepare to say goodbye. She's blunt like that which I appreciate. My pup is still here and doing fairly well but those words have caused me lots of grief over the last 5 months. She's all I have and I'm trying to make it to her final day to make sure she's taken care of. But continuously thinking she could die at any minute is hard. She won't but my mind loves to keep me in that funk.

After that... I don't know. I only have one friend and we grab coffee every month or so. I'm not close to my brother. Things are going great for him, which he's always happy to remind me of. Other than that, no one would miss me if I dropped dead. Only the apartment management would care if my rent stopped being paid. I don't have a house or a wife or kids. Just me and the dog.

I understand.

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GreatOne1969@reddit

You sound like me, but I don’t have a dog. Love them toooo much and couldn’t bear when they pass on. Your pet is lucky to have such love ❤️

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ChavoDemierda@reddit

I'm constantly surrounded, but always lonely. Does that count?

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Reader47b@reddit

I had a rule with my mom - text me once a day. It could just be "hi." If she goes an entire day without texting, then I check in with her. If she doesn't answer and I don't hear back in a couple of hours, then I know something could be wrong. Maybe do that with your sister? She's 700 miles away, but she could call in a wellness check for you if she gets no response. This is something that I think about living alone...how many days could I lie on the floor before somebody found my body?

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posaune123@reddit

Time to get off the internet

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Fistofpaper@reddit

Dad? How are you still alive and posting on Reddit?